r/weddingshaming • u/Natural-Cupcake3359 • 4d ago
Rude Guests Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette
We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.
We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).
My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. š Sigh.
Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.
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u/Dry-Wolf6789 4d ago
i went to a wedding once that allowed +5 guests per person. blew my mind.
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u/Armadillo-Shot 4d ago edited 4d ago
My mom just went to a wedding that gave her 30 +1ās. The wedding is for her rich business partners son with the daughter of a rich family and is having 2000 people (in Chinese culture more people means more face/prosperous a family will be). Sheās bringing her interns and junior office staff lol.
My momās wedding had 1000 people and was just pulling people off the streets to make numbers.
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u/designatedthrowawayy 4d ago
Hey if they need more people, I'm down. I like weddings.
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u/justjack0219 4d ago
Me too! People look at me like I'm crazy.
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u/Ok-Boysenberry-719 4d ago
I do too! I get to wear a dress that never makes it to the front of my closet, I get to dance, and I love seeing a sweet happy couple.Ā
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u/LaurenAnno 4d ago
Just curious - did they feed all those people?
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u/Armadillo-Shot 4d ago edited 4d ago
Oh yeah, the full Chinese banquet too (roasted suckling pigs, abalones, lobsters, open bar, etc.). My mom's wedding cost like 300k usd back in the 90s I can only imagine what this family is putting down. Rich Chinese weddings are 100% a flex of wealth and network.
Edit: Main guests at the wedding (everyone except the +1s and the street people) are expected to gift money to the couple rather than presents. And the money depends on the wealthof the gifter and their closeness to the couple. For these family circles closer relatives/bosses might give 4-5 figures , other guests like distant relatives usually give $100 - 500. Usually people make a big portion of their money back.
Also It's considered cheap if the family makes money off the wedding from the gifts but hey, people do it all the time.
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u/bubblebath_ofentropy 4d ago edited 4d ago
Pyramid scheme wedding. You bring a +1 and 4 single friends.
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u/smileysarah267 4d ago
Was it really casual? Or how did that work?
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u/Dry-Wolf6789 4d ago
It wasn't that casual you had to put your whole "party (up to 6 people)" in at least 2 months before for rsvp. The food was a Greek Buffett which was pretty good. I asked my friend(bride) why she did that and she said she just wanted to make sure anyone who wanted to come was able to and she encouraged bringing family as your guests even kids. They invited 80 ish people and it ended up being almost 200 people. And everyone had a seat but I really think the fire code of that building was broken it was packedĀ and got pretty hot later in the eveningš Best day of their lives they Said. Absolutely no stress about the money or random guests being there that I saw.Ā
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u/Quirky_Movie 4d ago
Ahhh! Greeks have huge families that will get pissed if someone is missed. Makes total sense.
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u/LucretiusCarus 4d ago
It's also a pride thing, a large weeding is a social signifier. My sister had about 600 guests back in the late 90's and she didn't knew 90% of them, they were guests of my father who footed the entire bill. And I was recently invited to a wedding with 800-900 guests, numbers are iffy because at some point they were inviting random people from the streets of the small town.
Great fun, though.
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u/tunaman808 4d ago
I'm 55 and have never been married (though my GF and I have been together 24 years - long story).
Anyway, I feel like if I did get married in my early 20s and my Dad paid for it (which would be unusual, since I'd be the groom) he would have invited 600 of his business and golfing buddies, 95% of whom I don't know from Adam.
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u/Monday0987 4d ago
At Greek weddings in Australia the Koumbaro/a invites a whole table of guests of their choice.
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u/kimmy-mac 4d ago
Wow, thatās a lot considering the guest list is already so large. But I get that itās a position of honor, so Iām assuming the allowance to invite a whole table is acknowledgment of their position.
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u/glasswindbreaker 4d ago
As soon as I read Greek it made so much sense. In my village to this day if thereās a wedding everyone goes, many of us here in the US arenāt far removed from that and for people like my dad who came here as an adult weddings being a community event are the norm.
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u/throwawaycuzfemdom 1d ago
Honestly, seeing all these wedding posts are all culture shock to me. Here, people rarely have small weddings, if they have a wedding. Invites go out to everyone they know, you write "X and his/her family" on the envelopes. They share it on instagram to openly invite anyone they might've missed. People inform when they can't come but never seen an rspv link. For people coming from out of the city, arrangements are made(close family opens their homes to guests).
Sometimes people have multiple weddings, one at the groom's hometown and one at the bride's hometown.
There are cultural and economic reasons for this setup. Guests are expected to give gold or cash gifts. People note down gifts and when a guest's family has a wedding, you are expected to gift the same or more. These might pay for the wedding and honeymoon costs.
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u/mjw217 4d ago
I was recently invited to a wedding for someone Iāve known for a very long time. Iām a widow. I expected to attend by myself. I figured Iād know a couple of people, besides the bride and her family, so I wasnāt worried. I was so surprised to receive a plus one. My oldest daughter, who does know the family, went with me. The family knew that I wasnāt in a relationship or dating anyone. Even with the plus one, I wouldnāt have asked a stranger to the family to come with me. That just seems wrong.
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u/mechanical_stars 4d ago
I gave all solo invites a +1 for my wedding, because being alone at a wedding doesn't sound very fun.
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u/kibbles137 4d ago
I'm partnered, but my partner has very limited days off and often works weekends, so I've gone alone to a few weddings. I honestly find it so much fun! But it's usually for good friends' weddings, so I know several people and/or feel excited to introduce myself to their other friends and family.Ā
I don't have to worry about whether my date is enjoying himself and I can stay as long (or short!) as I want. Don't have to cajole anyone into accompanying me on the dance floor, I just get out there and do some group dancing with the other people who want to dance. I'm usually a shy introvert, but I have a blast at weddings because I love love, and I feel my holy responsibility as a guest is to bring joy and love to the celebration of the couple's love.
I adore my partner and we're well suited in many ways, but we both agree this is The Way for us. In spite of my love of everyone else's weddings, when we decide the time feels right for us, I'm pretty set on a courthouse wedding, followed by a really nice dinner out where we treat our witnesses (and their +1s).Ā
I'm probably in the minority for preferring to go solo to weddings šĀ
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u/whatshamilton 4d ago
My best friend just did the courthouse thing followed by them treating us to a lovely luncheon. Then that evening they bought out a small bar in the neighborhood and let everyone know when and where and they trickled in and out to say congratulations. It was beautiful.
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u/lurkmode_off 3d ago
I've been a "just a friend" +1 at weddings where I don't know the couple. It definitely would have sucked for my friends if they hadn't been allowed to bring me. Most guests at a wedding don't get to spend much time with the couple. Which is fine. At long as they get a +1.
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u/rabbithasacat 4d ago
This right here: you can't invite someone to a party of which you are not the host.
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u/Bluejello2001 4d ago
This is why I very nearly strangled the other bridesmaids from the first wedding party I was ever in.
Despite the fact that I was a "numbers" bridesmaid (the groom just kept asking more friends to stand with him, so the bride asked me to join her party too) I somehow ended up planning the bachelorette. I'd never even BEEN to one at that point.
So, I planned and made reservations based on the names the bride asked me to invite. The maid of honour and the bride's sister kept inviting people not on the list ; MOH argued that the bride was good friends with Random Girl and would want her there, turns out the hadn't talked in about a decade.
I finally blasted an all-caps message in the group chat that only the guest of honour and the host have any say in the guest list.
Still somehow ended up with 2 people at the party I definitely didn't send invites too.
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u/Which-Ring2864 4d ago
LOVE it. And all the pearl clutchers blathering on about etiquette- they seem to have forgotten THIS pearl
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u/23capri 4d ago
i do understand completely why op wouldnāt want a stranger at their small wedding, but if jill still wanted to come and wouldnāt know anybody else there since her husband couldnāt make it, should she just be expected to sit alone the whole time? that can be extremely awkward for a lot of people and this is why most people advise others to offer +1s.
it still doesnāt excuse jill and billās extreme reaction to end the friendship though, they should have at least asked or addressed the concern with op.
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u/BaileyAMR 4d ago
No, she would be expected to mingle and talk to other guests, just as if her partner were there. That's what guests are always expected to do at parties.
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u/kimmy-mac 4d ago
Then she should have asked the bride and groom if it was okay to do so. Not assume it was okay.
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 4d ago
If Jill is uncomfortable attending by herself, she can decline the invitation.
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u/justasque 4d ago
Thereās always a table of ārandom people who didnāt fit elsewhereā at weddings. And sometimes thatās the most fun place to be. Youāre not the center of attention, and usually the other people are also on the outskirts of the coupleās friend circle, so theyāre in the same boat as you. You get a nice dinner, in a fancy environment, paid for by someone else. If youāre super shy, or feel awkward about the whole thing, then you are free to politely decline the invite. But if you are fairly social, you can do the āhow do you know the happy coupleā conversation which breaks the ice for the ārandom peopleā table, then complement everyone elseās outfit, talk about the food, and maybe even get up and dance if thatās your thing. And you can always leave early once the ceremony and meal are done.
The issue here is that Jill didnāt get a plus one. Invites are not transferable, at least not without the coupleās consent. Jill made a big deal out of the āno transfersā, and that was where things went wrong. She took offense when none was intended.
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u/EveH1970 4d ago
I did. I'm an adult and have learned to function at work, with new clients, in public and at weddings without someone I know well. If you need hand holding that's fine, dip out of a wedding, but no need to havea tanty and end of friendship over it.
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u/rabbithasacat 4d ago
But it doesn't sound like she wouldn't have known anybody there. They only invited an intimate circle of local friends and loved ones. Even if Jill somehow didn't know anyone else in that circle, they won't exactly be hostile - she could find herself among a bunch of new friends!
This feels more like they're the type of people who think they can't do things separately from their partner, or just can't believe they'd be asked to leave their kids at home, or who want to take a pet with them everywhere they go. And they sort of proved it by flouncing right out of the relationship the moment they got any pushback.
If you're going to offer a plus one, it will say so on the invitation. An invite with named persons on it is an invite for those people. Swapping one out for a stranger and then taking offense when the bride objects is the height of rudeness.
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u/strawberryskis4ever 4d ago
While I agree it is rude to assume a plus one when the invitation named a guest, I think itās quite a leap to assume that Jill canāt do anything without her partner and never likes to be alone. I also think it is a bit overly optimistic to assume a singleton will make actual friends with the other guests, which Iāve seen mentioned multiple times. I am someone who is quite comfortable in these situations and yet Iāve never walked away from a wedding with an actual new friendship. Been friendly with other guests and enjoyed a lovely evening, maybe even became FB friends (yep, Iām old) but never walked away with a new social circle. As comfortable as I am in these situations, I do not think thatās the norm and I even understand how others could feel differently. Group dynamics can be weird and some friend groups can be very insular, even a bit unwelcoming to outsiders. It doesnāt take a lot of imagination to see how uncomfortable or uncertain being alone in a group can be.
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u/BaileyAMR 4d ago
When the couple invites you to their next party or dinner, you will see people you met at the wedding. You will see them many times over the years. They may never be "your" friends, but they can become people you're always glad to see at Joe and Jack's parties.
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u/Ok-Dot-9324 4d ago
Iāve been single and not given a plus one and knew 1 other guest, who I met twice, and she was a bridesmaid so she could not hang out. It was awkward but I did it! People do it all the time! The day is about the couple not the guest
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u/Ok_Bumblebee3273 3d ago
exactly- I used to be very shy and my husband couldnāt attend a wedding of my good high school friend that iād not seen much of in the past few years- so her social circle wasnāt people i knew. went, chatted, smiled, ate, chatted and left. nothing impossible here for most adults.
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u/Dramatic_Lie_7492 4d ago
I disagree. The ceremony is for the couple. The party is for the guests
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u/FluidBarracuda9177 4d ago
Thereād be 49 other people there that she could get acquainted to. She wouldnāt have to sit all alone.
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u/Express-Stop7830 4d ago
Agreed. I once attended a wedding across the country (US) without a +1 and didn't know anyone except the couple and the beat man. I had a lovely weekend in SoCal, doing my own thing and then I talked to and got to know the people seated at my table. Jill is weird and immature and then blowing up the friendship? Wild.
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u/mynameisnotsparta 4d ago
I agree, 100% that Jill was very rude. She couldāve attended alone as sheās part of your circle or she couldāve said neither of us can make it. Bringing a random person to somebodyās wedding especially a small one is definitely lack of awareness of social norms.
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u/Competitive_Tough989 4d ago
If it were a larger wedding I would get it but but a small and intimate one I wouldn't have thought to bring someone u less the couple said it like oh feel free to bring a friend or something
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u/Lollygagging-guru 4d ago
Letās not forget the wedding is in a private residence. So now she invited an uninvited stranger into someoneās home!
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u/Hungry-Emotion7664 4d ago
When I receive a wedding invitation, it never includes the size of the wedding. How would Jill know how many people were invited?
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u/fifitsa8 3d ago
Even if you thought it was a 1000 person wedding, you ask the host, you don't lay down the law like it's your decision. It's not your wedding.
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u/Competitive_End7597 2d ago
Agreed, i mean feel free to ask, but if the wishes of the couple say "no". Then thats the end of it, its their day after all and not yours.
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u/dorky2 4d ago
It's ok to bring a rando to a wedding if the invitation specifically says "Plus 1."
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u/mynameisnotsparta 4d ago
But the invitation did not say +1. The invitation was to the specific couple. And you canāt just substitute a person when it is a small more intimate situation.
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u/DragonflySmall6867 4d ago
We had a couple from our church crash our wedding. It was very weird. Our guest list was very specific. I'm not even sure how they found out when & where it was. If you're not invited to a wedding, don't go to the wedding!
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u/kibbles137 4d ago
I'm picturing them getting dressed up every Saturday, and sitting in their car outside the church until people show up, and just joining the other guests when they head in. It could just be the thing they do in their marriage for cheap entertainment!Ā
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u/BlackMagicWorman 4d ago
Some churches see the event as a free for all for the parish. Itās still poor etiquette and the pastor or organizer should have tossed them
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u/thedoodely 4d ago
Did they crash the ceremony or the reception? Church weddings are usually a public event and advertised by reading the bans for 6 weeks so it's not unusual for people to just show up for the ceremony. The reception afterwards though is definitely a private event.
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u/DragonflySmall6867 3d ago
The whole thing was private. It wasn't mentioned in church bulletins or announced anywhere. It wasn't even in our regular building!
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u/DragonflySmall6867 3d ago
If they were at the wedding, I didn't notice them. But I was quite surprised to see them at the reception.
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u/Wise-News1666 3d ago
Since when are weddings open to the public?
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u/henrik_se 2d ago
Church weddings used to always be, and can still sometimes be open to the public, or just the local parish.
The rules are that you can attend if you keep quiet, sit in the back, don't call any attention to yourself, and generally respect the invited guests. You are there as a witness to the ceremony, and your presence honours the couple. You don't bring a gift, you don't get to go to the reception, you don't join any family photos, and you don't talk to the couple other than maybe a quick well-wishing if they pass you.
(Same rules for funerals)
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u/AuroraDF 4d ago
I am a divorced, middle aged woman, who has been to a fair few UK weddings. I've never had an invite with a plus one. It's very common in the UK to be invited alone, or with your partner/spouse, but not to be invited to bring along someone the couple dont know.
I think you are right, Jill is wrong, but that's her choice. I also think this isn't just about the wedding invite. People dont ditch a long term friendship over one thing. Something else is behind it and this was just the icing on the cake.
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u/CinnamonGirl43 4d ago
Exactly. This didnāt happen in a vacuum. This was a final straw.
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u/Interesting_Bus3878 4d ago
Jill and Bill broke up a while ago, but OP hasn't bothered checking in on them in years. (I made that up, sorry.)
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u/ElEyeElWhy88 4d ago
Perhaps Iām wrong, but itās one thing to assume that they can just bring someone in their husbandās place, but to end the friendship over it is weird as hell. Iād not call them friends either. Chalk it up and donāt worry about it.
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u/smileysarah267 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yep, a friend of mine did this. We invited her and her husband, but her husband couldnt come so she brought a friend in his place. I thought it was weird but not worth saying anything.
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u/Fun_Huckleberry_6510 1d ago
Had the same thing happen at our wedding with an āauntā. We didnāt know they were getting divorced but they both RSVPād yes, so she decided to bring a nephew neither of us had ever met before. They were both severely underdressed, she wore white, and they didnāt bring a gift or card. I was (and still am) pretty annoyed.
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u/Quirky_Movie 4d ago
I'm 50. This person is strange. You're right that an invite addressed to specific people is for specific people. Couples do not get plus 2s on their invite.
She should have reached out and let you know that Bill could no longer make it and would you be open to her bringing this person. This is a request which is totally fair to make for this person's comfort while traveling. It would also be okay for you to decline it and ask to meet up with her and her husband next time you are in town. It is not okay to assume you can just bring anyone as replacement if you haven't been offered a plus one.
I love that she's local and acting like it's a trip to the moon.
Perhaps she assumed that Alphabet Mafia does not know Miss Manners. More likely her husband just doesn't feel close enough to care if he travels to the wedding and she doesn't travel alone.
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u/yarn_b 4d ago
I wish I could have had you give a TED talk on this to my father in law and his wife. We invited 22 people to our wedding. In response to a formal invitation, they asked if the date was set in stone. Not a question I even knew was possible in response to a wedding invite, but we clarified - yes, this is the date. The wedding is fully planned - hence the invitation. They RSVP no with much complaining about how theyāll be at their time share. Not because itās their week - which we asked about and avoided - but because they had a chance to get an extra week for free and our wedding meant they would have to leave one day early from the free week.
This was confusing already because it was during the tail end of Covid restrictions and they hadnāt gone to their time share at all since Covid started because they refused to test to travel and Aruba was requiring all travelers to buy health insurance at a daily rate for their stay. The wife specifically said she was not āgoing to be part of the governmentās statisticsā by having a Covid test and that Aruba was just using the health insurance as a cash grab.
So fast forward to two weeks before the wedding, days before they should be flying to Aruba. FIL calls and says they might decide to leave Aruba early. How late can they change their RSVP to yes? I told him I needed to know by the Tuesday of the wedding week. He says theyāre looking into flying to Aruba and then flying from there to us and then home. This conversation to me was just confirmation that Aruba was never happening and they didnāt seriously consider ever going to Aruba because they had no flights booked and we were within 72 hours of them being in Aruba.
Tuesday comes and he calls my husband and tells him they decided to just skip Aruba (obviously was never in play) and can come to the weddingā¦butā¦theyāre going to be staying with the wifeās daughter and her husband, and they donāt see why they shouldnāt just bring the two of them. My husband says no, theyāre not invited. Father in law then texts me, as if I havenāt already heard this, and tells me they just really think it would be āneatā if they could bring wifeās daughter and her husband because theyāre staying with them and not renting a car and will need a ride. I also say no. He decides to further the insult by saying he would pay for whatever the cost is of them to attend, as if that was the issue.
When we said no, they refused to come to the wedding and we never heard from them again other than to get a few texts from the wife telling us weāre horrible people with no manners or etiquette and they felt like we were punishing them by planning our wedding when and how we did and that we intentionally excluded them. My husband found out from his uncle that his dad was in hospice and was able to see him right before he died, but his father basically rage quit our lives until his literal death because we denied them a plus 2 at a very intimate wedding and he and his wife 100% believe that they were the aggrieved parties in the matter.
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u/RuggedHangnail 4d ago
Your FIL and MIL were real pieces of work. I've had a few friends in situations like you described. Each time, the bride and groom capitulated and allowed the entitled guests to have their way. And each time, the entitled guests somehow didn't show up at the last minute anyway!!! They never wanted to come. But they wanted to make it your fault that they didn't come, so they didn't looked like the jerks who didn't care and were disrespectful.
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u/whisky_biscuit 4d ago
This is probably what it is. I know there's some boomers and Gen X who simply do not go anywhere without someone close to them - their husband, kid, close friends, etc. They have difficulty navigating social situations being alone. My mom is like this, which is why she makes my 85 year old dad go everywhere she does (and he drives too), meanwhile he constantly leaves the house by himself. My siblings and I have had to sometimes drive hours to be there to accompany our mom to a place only 15 minutes away from her own home, because my dad isn't there to go with her.
It doesn't excuse it though, she shouldve asked not just assumed. It is sad though that Jill seemed to still want to go while Bill doesn't seem to think it's that important I guess?
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u/Quirky_Movie 4d ago
I don't know if that's Gen X'ers or just a specific kind of person. I am a young Gen X/Elder Millennial. I moved directly from my parents' home to NYC. I travel alone a lot.
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u/Llayanna 4d ago
And for me, millennial, it's a struggle now. I was once pretty decent at it and once I know a route etcetera, it's usually okay enough but..
It's easier for my anxiety to not be alone, specially if it's something really important or very far away.Ā Ā
I am aware, I am trying to do better but some days it's just.. not possible. Yet. I have hope.
I overcome so much after all.Ā
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u/ittybittylurker 4d ago
And my gen z kids have friends who do the same thing. I don't think it's generational.
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u/DanuBanatee 4d ago
I'm a Gen-X woman who does just about everything alone. Including driving from coast to coast multiple times, and moving overseas twice. And for what it's worth, I would never bring a substitute for an invite. Depending on who's wedding it was though, I might use my partner not being able to attend as an excuse to ditch the event and spend a blessedly quiet night alone. LOL. It's silly that these friends are dumping you because of this.
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u/toru_okada_4ever 4d ago
Hey, donāt involve us Gen Xāers in this ridiculousness.
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u/sjp1980 4d ago
My mum is a boomer and I think she would love to receive an invitation that was just for her!! She would rsvp in an instant! :D
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u/Quirky_Movie 4d ago
My mom is a wild thing. My dad only leaves home with his pug.
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u/SpamLandy 4d ago
My mum is a boomer and lives alone, has a ton of friends and just went on a cruise on her own. I donāt think sheād think twice about going to a wedding alone. Sheāll make friends when she gets there.Ā
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u/DjinnaG 4d ago
Weāre the generation that was left to do everything alone, after all! I wasnāt ever a latchkey kid, but was still left to do things alone all the time and it was never seen as a weird thing by anyone, myself included
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u/EquivalentSign2377 4d ago
Off topic but I read an article that said Gen X would be the generation to save the world during Covid because of the reasons you stated. It also said that if our generation was happy with pong and space invaders we could definitely be alone with just Netflix and Call of Duty!
I'm Gen X and I would absolutely go to a wedding not knowing anyone I mean that's how we meet people right?
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u/LadyReika 4d ago
I'm GenX and was a semi-feral latchkey kid in the 80s. The lockdown was my jam: I no longer had to come up with excuses about why I didn't want to be social, I no longer had to go into the office, online ordering and pickup from stores became normal and not extra to pay for.
I felt bad for being happy with the world going to shit, but here we are.
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u/Tinchick1967 4d ago
I respectfully disagree about Gen X at least. I ( older Gen X 1967 ) prefer to go to weddings , parties or movies alone. My husband gets easily bored or has an expensive nap during a movie. I think it depends on the person.
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u/Camberino2 4d ago
I have a couple of thoughts on this. I just got married and two +1 guests couldnāt make it pretty last minute (no problem). One guest let me know the +1 couldnāt come and came alone. The other didnāt mention it but brought their perfectly lovely adult daughter instead of their husband (I have met neither the husband nor the daughter, so it made no difference to me). I think itās different because you specifically invited both people in the couple where I invited 1 person in each couple and knew that their default +1 would be their spouse. I feel like multiple things are true here: at a wedding of 50 people, 1 rando wonāt kill the vibe at all. And also, your friend was unhinged to react to your pushback by ending the friendship.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 4d ago
Why did you invite someone's husband as a plus one and not a named guest?
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u/Camberino2 4d ago
Because Iāve never met him and wanted to give the person the option of who to bring for the exact scenario here. Husband works weird hours and it was unsurprising he wasnāt able to attend.
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u/Top-Substance-1588 4d ago
It would be totally appropriate for her to ask, ābill canāt make it, would you mind if I brought a friend instead to make me feel more comfortableā? Maybe you would have been amenable to that. Maybe not. But TELLING and then pitching a fit is so beyond insaneā¦guess youāre not really interested in their friendship anymore either.Ā
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u/502h8r 3d ago
Story here:
I invited someone from work out of guilt and they assumed they were allowed a plus one. this person knew plenty of people at the wedding. her plus one ended up being a man that SAād my maid of honor. I spent close to 30 minutes away from my people while we had to handle kicking him out. this was also a lesbian wedding.
now Iām not saying this situation is as extreme. but I feel you on not wanting guests to assume they have a + 1. we experienced unnecessary drama because someone assumed and didnāt ask!
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u/echochilde 2d ago
Jeeeesus. That went from 0-100 in no time flat.
Iām so sorry that happened. To her mainly, but also at your guys wedding.
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u/HatSubject8361 4d ago
I am a hair stylist and I get invited to so many weddings. Sometimes I just know the bride or brides mother etcā¦ I absolutely hate going alone . I get to spend the morning with the bride and bridal party so I feel that is my part and would rather not go to wedding. Not only does it make a long day for me , I truly feel kinda uncomfortable. Sure I could talk to people and make ā friendsā to hang out with but my whole job is talking to people and thatās the last thing I want to do on a sat nite after working all day . I
Understand Jill but donāt agree with losing a friendship over it .
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u/Individual_Fall429 2d ago
Say no. Why are you doing extra hours of work unpaid? Just say you have an obligation. They probably only invite you to be polite. They donāt want you there. Say no.
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u/WelshRarebit2025 3d ago
Ok but that is a very different circumstance. You arenāt being invited as a friend are you?
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u/Stephinator917 2d ago
Most people are prob inviting you to be polite since you did their hair and all and they think you would like to stay and have some food and fun. But if they invite you to be polite and you accept to be polite, then both parties are feeling they did each other a favor. in my opinion. you could probably politely decline and enjoy your night off, i would imagine its not fun for you since you dont know anyone.
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 4d ago
Wait, they friend-broke up with you over this?? Good riddance. I know it's hard to lose friends, but this is just weird. Judging by the tone of your post here, you were probably delicate and polite in your message. They went off the rails. You're good, and blessings on your wedding and marriage!
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u/Noel_San_Diego 4d ago
I want to know why Bill doesnāt want to go. Seems like that might be why the friendship ended.
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u/Natural-Cupcake3359 3d ago
Bill wanted to go hunting instead. Which is his choice. It is not his choice (or Jill's) to decide who comes in his place.
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u/AudienceFancy5014 3d ago
Sounds like your āfriendsā were not great to begin with. Good riddance. Wishing you a great wedding!Ā
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u/lanceypanties 2d ago
Honey, theyre just shitty friends, I dont think its got anything to do with your wedding at this point, im surprised you havent seen the red flagsĀ
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u/Careful_Square_563 3d ago
Jill's grasp of etiquette is faulty. It would have been permissible for her to contact you and explain and ASK if she could bring someone else. But to TELL you is a no-no, and ending the friendship can only be good for you in the long run.
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u/Mystery-Moon_0129 3d ago
Itās so nervy for your friend to TELL you sheās bringing someone instead of asking. Also if itās a small wedding and people know each other why does she need a friend? And why does that friend want to go to an intimate wedding where she doesnāt know anyone? People can be so incredibly fucking weird.
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u/SantaFe91 4d ago
An invitation is not a transferable ticket! Jill was absolutely wrong to do this. Iād probably have been inclined to quietly fume and do nothing, but your saying something has at least revealed Jill for the oddball she is. Strange thing to say youāll end a friendship over. It sounds as if youāre both better off without her flakiness in your new married life. Something else would have happened in the future if it hadnāt happened now. Put it behind you. Wishing you every happiness!
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u/Wonderful-Coffee-828 4d ago
Not many people have acknowledged that because this is a lesbian wedding, there is a lot more risk to having a random person they donāt know attend. That person could be accepting, or Jill might assume they are accepting yet they show up making weird uncomfortable comments. The brides have no way of knowing for sure because they donāt know this person. Youād think Jill, as your friend, would understand that and simply decline if she doesnāt want to go alone, but no.
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u/TrishasaurusRex33 4d ago
This is what I was thinking too. Op specifically mentioned only inviting accepting folks, and adding a rando to the mix leaves variables. Especially if the brides are older and don't look like the picture perfect lesbian couple, people make weird comments. Nothing wrong with wanting peace on your wedding day.
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u/Traditional_Luck_223 4d ago
I live in the US. I attended my friend's wedding in Ireland by myself. I didn't know anyone else there, and I'm generally shy and introverted, but I had a great time anyway (the alcohol helped, lol).
I would never have considered bringing a random person with me or even asking if I could bring someone, as that would have put the bride and groom in an uncomfortable position if they wanted to say no.
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u/Glittering-Chart5635 4d ago
This sounds like a lady I knew. She wanted a lot of coddling and recognition and thought her sh!t didn't stink. I was so glad when inevitably she quit the club with a whole stomp out procedure calling us all disrespectful amateurs.
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u/Undercover_Blondie1 3d ago
My aunt in law and her husband were invited to a wedding.
They had accepted.
Unfortunately, as time for the wedding got closer, an unexpected work conflict came up, and he could no longer attend.
I knew the wedding couple, as I had worked with the bride.
My aunt in law explained the situation to her, and asked if it would be okay to bring me as her plus one.
The bride agreed.
That's the way it should be done. It should never have been told to you, it should have been asked. Especially considering you don't know this person.
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 2d ago
I grew up in the late 70s, before "plus one" was a common thing to find on a wedding invitation.
When I, as a single girl, went to a wedding, I would just hope that one of the Brides cousins or brothers or somebody was cute and would ask me to dance, and when involved as a groomsmen or a bridesmaid, you knew that one of your duties was to Chat with or dance with or offer to freshen the drink of single guests.
I'm guessing that Jill is young ā Ish. And by Young, I mean 30/35 or younger
My youngest daughter is 33, and she's fine going to something by herself. She knows how to sit down and say, hello, I'm So and So. I work with the bride. Or, I'm the bride's cousin or whatever. How do you know the Couple?"
When my husband and I go somewhere, and we have a choice to see ourselves together, or separately, pretty often we will choose to sit separately. That way, at the end of the event or evening, when we get back together, he can tell me all about the people who met at his stable, and I can tell him about the people I met at my table.
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u/smushy411 4d ago
Yeah itās weird, especially since itās supposed to be a small wedding with your closest friends. You obviously donāt want some stranger there. I mean maybe she has social anxiety or something? Or a medical issue? But if thatās the case then she should have explained that and asked if she could bring someone. Then you can either say yes or no, but she shouldnāt just assume she can bring whomever!
Their reaction to immediately end the friendship makes me think there is more going on here. Have there been issues with this friend in the past?? Itās just so abrupt to say weāre not interested in being friends. Makes me think there have been prior disagreements.
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u/Ok-Acanthocephala509 4d ago
Wow, your ex-friend sounds like a real piece of work. Obviously a stranger shouldn't be at a wedding, unless the invite strictly says +1. It sounds like Jill showed her true colours, and if this is how she chooses to react, good riddance.
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u/enjolbear 4d ago
I had 4 randoms at my wedding (40 people total) because family couldnāt be bothered to actually respect the āplease no plus ones!ā. We didnāt fight about it because we didnāt want issues, but it was very irritating. One of my aunts decided to bring a man she had JUST started dating and got so offended when we asked her not to that she threatened to just stay home. My mom (her sister) persuaded us to let her come anyway.
We had a gorgeous wedding and it all worked out, but I so wish we had gotten more say in OUR day.
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u/preyingmomtis 4d ago
If Jill didnāt know anyone else who would be there, I can kind of see her fishing for another +1 next time you hang out. āBill canāt make it and Iām worried I wonāt know anyone.ā
But if itās just 50 of your closest people, I would assume she knows some of the other guests. We had a few people in similar boats and they did not bring random guests we didnāt know, we put them at tables with people they did know & they hung out with them.
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u/Interesting_Yak8052 4d ago
Iāve traveled overnight to attend a wedding by myself. I wouldnāt have thought of taking someone with me.
But for a family wedding where 12+ hours of driving was necessary, I had a friend travel with me.The bride and groom welcomed her to all the wedding activities even though she was prepared to find her own fun while the wedding was going on.
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u/BusyTotal3702 4d ago
Since it's a very small friends only get together, it would be weird. But if it's a large wedding and you rsvp'd for two and the couple is going to have to pay for the extra plate anyway if my husband couldn't come I would probably bring my son instead. Because some brides get a little pissy when people RSVP yes, and then don't show up. Paying for that person anyway with the caterer.
I actually knew a person that sent a bill to people who RSVP'D yes, and then didn't show up.
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u/AdventureThink 3d ago
The fact that she said she is no longer interested in the friendship ā-
Thatās a different issue.
She wasnāt as great as yall thought.
What did Bill say about it?
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u/Empresswold311 3d ago
Thatās actually odd that your friend wanted to hey a buddy when her husband could not come.. rude in truth and would have been better for her to just say we can not attend and we shall celebrate by going out to dinner (etc) in near future (our treat )
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u/Baby8227 3d ago
Looks like the trash took Jill and Bill out for you! Donāt sweat it. You may have known them the entirety of your relationship but it doesnāt mean you have to know them anymore, especially now they have shown their true selves.
Who declares they are bringing someone else as a plus one and then gets pissed at a no? Twats like Jill and Bill thatās who!
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u/Monday0987 4d ago
I don't think Jill is rude for declining. But the "end of friendship" thing is blackmail/manipulative. I don't think she is a good person and I would never feel we could ever be friends again
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u/Brilliant-Elk-4107 4d ago
We had a friend do this to us three days before the wedding, wanted to bring his ROOMMATE instead of his partner, who is someone we know but who neither of us LIKE and would NEVER have invited to our wedding. My husband felt that it was ok because nobody else from our friend group with him could make it but I absolutely regret it and hate seeing her in our photos.
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u/withbellson 4d ago
My mom tried to do this to bring me to a wedding instead of my dad (who never left the house towards the end of his life) and I was mortified and refused to go because you donāt do that. So she proceeded to call the groomās mom and ask her to have the couple invite me so Iād stop refusing to go. Extra mortified.
And they did it. Sent me an invite well past the RSVP date which they had to scratch out and rewrite.
I did end up going because my mom wanted me to drive (it was up a mountain on a windy road) but she learned nothing from this.
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u/basketweaving8 4d ago
My grandma did this and I never agreed to go but found out after she had RSVPed yes on my behalf. And then she told everyone in my family that the couple was so sad I pulled out at the last minute!
(I had never met the couple)
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u/Mrs_Sparkle_ 4d ago
My Grandmother has NEVER understood a social norm in her entire life (Now that I have reflected on it for years sheās 100% ND in some way just never diagnosed) She has consistently expected me to do very strange things like this and never understands why itās seen as incredibly rude, invasive or inappropriate yet she will have a mental breakdown about leaves on the ground in the yard, literally crying about āwhat will the neighbours think?!ā but yet will do the most inappropriate and socially awkward things without a second thought? Sorry for the rant, sheās an incredibly strange woman and I wish I could know her diagnosis because itās something
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u/glitterswirl 4d ago
Ugh. Itās a personal invitation to a significant event in your life, not an interchangeable concert ticket or prom night.
Billās inability to attend is not a free pass to sub in a stranger you and your fiancĆ©e donāt know. You invited people who you love and who love you, to celebrate a significant milestone.
Itās definitely their loss.
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u/GymTanDrama 4d ago
Yes, she should have absolutely asked and not stated since the invite stated the spouseās name and not āplus one.ā And while I understand why she would decline to attend after her friend was disallowed, I canāt imagine this as the entire basis for ending a friendship. Would be curious to see if the answer lies in OPās communication back to the invitee.
Having said that, I think the etiquette of allowing guests a companion to your wedding has also gotten lost. I recognize that this wedding didnāt involve travel for the invitee but stillā¦sometimes you just donāt want to have to attend something alone. Iām unpartnered and independent so I cope but damn it would be nice not to have to roll solo all of the time. It can be pretty isolating. Feels like weddings have become about curation and not community.
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u/aliveandkicking2020 4d ago
That is my feeling too. I have been the plus one to weddings where I did not know the people since the person did not want to go alone for various reasons. I am comfortable to go alone but no everybody is. Some might feel lonely especially if they not know many people there.
Based on the responses, it does feel that things have changed. I would like to have my guests to have a good time too. And that is more important to me than not knowing that other guest. I wonder if they send 'plus ones' invites to others.
But she should have asked and she is in her rights to not go at all if she can't bring anybody. But that is not a good reason to blow up the relationship (but maybe there is more at play).
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u/No_Lavishness_7268 4d ago
This!!!!! I hate that they assume she would just know the other friends and that is not always the case. My bestfriend lives 5 hours away and she has friends whom I never met due to the distance. I personally would not want to attend something as a wedding alone. I was so grateful that last year my friend was so accommodating with letting me bring whoever when my boyfriend had to be out of town for work. I didn't know her family or any of her friends as her and I been distant for 6 years and I hate that people think you're weird just because you don't want to go alone.
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u/shrimptetra 4d ago
itās so crazy how you can have a great relationship with someone for years and then suddenly theyāll choose some random guy over your friendship šš iām sorry that happened to you
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u/EustachiaVye 4d ago
Iād feel awkward going to a wedding by myself. But she didnāt need to be so reactive and rude to you.
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u/Llayanna 4d ago
Totally. She was way outta line but the people acting here like asking the question is a bad thing.. are also outta line.
Two things can be true at once.Ā
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u/Daisy4853 4d ago
I have strong feelings about this. Itās not a concert ticket. Guest comes alone. Congratulations š
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u/mcmilliemywilly 4d ago edited 4d ago
I had my wedding this year and I had some similar situationsā¦ had to keep the wedding small and asked for no plus ones (unless we knew both people in the relationship). I had several friends ask to bring their new partners. I said yes. Why? Because I wanted them to enjoy the wedding. It was a blast and I actually really enjoyed meeting their new partners. One of my guest brought a plus one without asking and their 4 kids. That was when I was pissed. Guess what? Still an amazing day all about my husband and I. Try to not let the small stuff get to you! I know itās stressful and hard, but you will feel better in the long run not losing friends.
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u/Foreign_Being5656 4d ago
I agree with you. I think it was rude for Jill to want to bring a random. If she was willing to dump the friendship over you telling her how you feel, you havenāt lost much. Her loss.
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u/Petty_Nuances 4d ago
I was always taught that a named guest, was an invited guest and a +1 was what allowed a solo person to bring a non-named guest. A named guest is not supposed to be interchangeable.
Having attended weddings alone where I only knew the bride those weddings are the only ones I had left right after cake. Sometimes your table just doesnāt want to interact with you and that is a bummer.
That being said, ending the friendship over the request feels overblown. I think it would have helpful for Jill to ask to bring someone else given the space was available.
Unrelated to your post. Iām torn these days about what the etiquette is now. Is it a party where you are the ultimate host, or an event that perfectly has to go the celebrantās way? Unclear.
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u/jayhawkjoey65 4d ago
Dang! That had to seriously hurt! Just dissolve the friendship? I mean, good riddance, but wow.
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u/FlimsyMedium 4d ago
I donāt know about ending a friendship but itās understandable Jill might want to bring a friend if she doesnāt know many other folks attending. I donāt know if this is the case, but Iāve been invited to weddings where I didnāt know many other invitees and welcomed a friend who didnāt know anyone there and was willing to go with me.
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u/AngieEdson 4d ago
Name plus guest would be ok but otherwise , only those named on the invite are actually invitedā¦ pretty straight forward.
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u/potsieharris 3d ago
Jill is definitely on the wrong side of this etiquette wise, but the bigger issue for me is her ending the friendship over it? What a baby.Ā
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u/Brie-and-Fig 3d ago
I completely understand and ageee wanting only people you know and care for at your wedding. If this is how Jill responded, then they were already looking for a way out of the friendship. Very immature on her part. She could have said ātotally understandable! I wonāt be able to make it if Iām alone but know I send my best wishesā.
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u/tee-ess3 4d ago
I see where your friend is coming from because I personally wouldnāt want to go to a big social event alone. However itās super weird that she just informed you her friend was coming instead of asking if she could bring someone to fill her partnerās place.
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u/Minute-Frame-8060 4d ago
Just posted elsewhere that this happened at my wedding, only I didn't get a courtesy phone call. My aunt just showed up with...not my cousin. Very strange behavior
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 4d ago
You are correct. If the invitation is for Jill and Bill, but Bill cannot attend, then Jill can either come by herself, or she can decline the invitation for both of them.
Blowing up a friendship over not being able to bring a random person with you to your friendsā small, intimate wedding is certainly not a choice I would have made. Iām sorry Jill was a jerk.
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u/Explore_the_Void 4d ago
How well is Jill integrated into your general circle? Is she actually friends with your other friends? Sure, she would be there for you but you won't be spending the whole event with her. Showing up alone to an event can be incredibly stressful for some people.
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u/Afraid_Fisherman4064 4d ago
This is such bad etiquette of them... I don't blame Jill for not wanting to come alone.
But in that case she should have asked politely. And if you stick to your no, just politely decline the invitation. No reason to end a yearslong friendship. Drama queen
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u/Homologous_Trend 4d ago
You have the right to invite whomever you wish. She has the right to refuse your information rather than going alone. In many cultures it is rude to expect someone to go to a wedding when they don't know anyone else well. Perhaps she does know your other guests?
If she doesn't, then from her perspective, you are choosing for her to be uncomfortable for no particular reason, because one stranger won't actually have any impact.
I think she is overreacting, but you are not showing that you care about her. Unless of cou she knows everyone else well.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 2d ago
āThey couldnāt believe weād expect Jill to attend alone.ā You didnāt. She was always able to simply decline the invitation. This is unfortunate, but I very much agree itās their loss.
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u/Walnuss_Bleistift 2d ago
If I were a rude enough person to just bring someone else (especially someone you don't know??) I would still be so apologetic once you said no so kindly. I would be mortified if I had been so thoughtless and didn't realize it was so rude. It's one thing if you invite me and my partner, and if they can't go I say I'll bring my sister who you also know well and are friends with. I mean even that is iffy, but a stranger?? Omg
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u/Nickel_and_Tuck 1d ago
Sounds like entitled and immature people that you also donāt have to be friends with. I would count yourself lucky that they are showing their colours before sharing your intimate and special day with them.
You do NOT switch out an explicit invitational seat with a āguests choiceā plus one. Thatās ridiculous. And then acting like a scolded toddler when you expressed you were not in agreeable to their unknown friend enjoying an evening and meal on your dime.
Congratulations and hope you enjoyed a beautiful day with those that TRULY want only to celebrate YOU.
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u/ThrowRA-sadgirl2023 1d ago
Good riddance! Crazy to miss one of the most important days of their friendsā lives because they canāt bring some random person with them lol.
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u/Narcissus-2 4d ago
all the people in the comments acting like OP asked this women to go alone to a large party with one million strangers and not a small wedding with what is probably mostly mutual friends. if the brides are only inviting their inner circles itās safe to say jill knows most of those people fairly well too, or is at least acquainted. why does she need to bring someone else to feel comfortable at her close friends wedding? sounds like a jill problem, not an OP problem
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u/shiinachan 4d ago
Wow I am so surprised by the takes in the comments here. Maybe it's a cultural issue? But where I live in Europe, it would be weird (maybe even rude?) to expect a guest to come alone. Especially if they're not super familiar with the rest of the guests. That's why the concept of a plus one exists right? Of course, an invite to your husband doesn't automatically translate into a plus one to a random, but they did let you know! Honestly, if any of my guests who were invited with their partner had asked to instead bring a friend that would have been an immediate yes from me. We also had <50 guests and knew everyone. To me you come across rude here, sorry to say.
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u/Ok-Goal-6880 4d ago
There wasnāt a plus one in this case though, it was two guests invited together. Some weddings do not do +1s at all. I think itās perfectly reasonable not to want a stranger at your wedding.
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u/Spiritual_Fan_5633 4d ago
We just went to my nephews wedding and my son, who is 30, didnāt get a plus one. Iām sure itās because thereās alot of single cousins, if they all got a plus one that would be a lot of extra people. My son didnāt care at all, and he also sat at a table away from us with people he didnāt know. Again, he didnāt care. Itās one night, not a big deal.
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u/PsychologicalBus1692 4d ago
I was invited to a wedding once in my late 20s where I did not get a +1 and decided to attend anyway (out of state, family wedding). I was sat at the singles table, clear across the room from any of my family, so I was alone/with strangers for the entire reception pretty much. One of the groomsmen noticed me mopey and alone and took an interest in me, ultimately getting super pushy and basically dragging me out of the wedding and trying to get me to go back to the AirBnB with him or something? When I declined, he got even pushier and I had to run back to the wedding alone. I started getting all of these weird looks from the wedding party and my family and it turns out, the groomsman told everyone that I had pulled him out of the reception to go have sex. So now I'm the family slut. Anyway, I will never go to another wedding alone and would never expect someone else to attend a wedding alone.
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u/Spiritual_Fan_5633 4d ago
And you have every right to decline a wedding invitation, thatās the beauty, you never have to go.
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u/altitude-adjusted 4d ago
It's an invitation, not a summons.
Oh, and your family are assholes.
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u/SpartanSoldier00a 4d ago
Ive had a few of my cousins getting married recently and they seem to handle the inviting of single cousins by inviting pairs of siblings or family members (eg, me and my sister almost always get a joint invite, and we are frequently seated together with one of our other single cousins and his mom who i think are also invited together. I dont live with my sister, and my cousin doesnt live with his mom, but it does solve not having us sit scattered across the room with only people we dont know that well).
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u/5footfilly 4d ago
There are special circumstances here.
Not everyone will behave respectfully at a gay wedding. Weād like to think they would but there are still some bigoted and insufferable assholes who love to make their ignorant opinions known. Their wedding is not the place for the brides to find out what kind of person Jillās friend is.
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u/On_my_last_spoon 4d ago
Jill didnāt ask. She told. She told them sheād be bringing someone else. Thatās rude
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u/dividedsky58 4d ago
This wasn't a plus-one situation. Plus-ones are for non-married or non-coupled people, so they don't have to attend alone. And it is specifically written on the invitation.
Jill wasn't "expected" to come alone as a single person. She was invited to come with her partner Bill. When Bill could not attend, she had a choice - not an expectation- to attend alone, or not at all.Ā
At no point was she in the right to invite a plus-one to a wedding when no plus-one was invited by the wedding couple.
I think its bizarre you feel wedding guests should all be allowed to invite whomever they want to someone else's wedding.Ā
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u/Brilliant-Elk-4107 4d ago
The āyou are the arse for not wanting complete strangers/people you wouldnāt think of invitingā to an intimate event that youāve paid thousands for is wild to me. Yes, we should have control over who comes to our weddings, that is the purpose of having invitations in the first place. I donāt think itās an American vs European thing either since I am not American and most people I spoke to about having to deal with a similar issue with mind felt the same way
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u/altitude-adjusted 4d ago
I normally side with Europe on most things but I can't here.
This is an intimate event for a lesbian couple who (it seems clear) took an unusual route to find one another. The guest list was carefully made to include those who know the couple and their path to this milestone, and inviting a random stranger who knows no one and has never met the couple is very rude. This couple was purposeful inviting those people who support them and rejecting an interloper whether Jill knows them well or not is irrelevant. It's not Jill's party. Jill should either buck up and support her friends or stay home. She chose the nuclear option so how much of a friend is she?
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u/forkevbot2 2d ago
Jill let them know bill could not attend. You agree this does not translate to a plus one. Jill jumps to saying they are taking a random friend the brides donāt know. Brides politely let them know this is not acceptable for them. Jill and Bill end their friendship over this.
And to you the brides are rude?ā¦
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u/GoodyTwoShuuz 4d ago
It is rude to bring someone not on the invite. These people here are weird.
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u/LimeryPixels- 4d ago
u/GoodyTwoShuuz people acting like āplus oneā is a human right now is wild. if the invite doesnāt say guest, thenā¦ no guest. itās not complicated.
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u/Effective-Door-3409 4d ago
It's an intimate wedding. It no longer is intimate if every guest brings an unknown person. Plus to double down and refuse to come at all and end the friendship is insane.
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u/fifitsa8 3d ago
An invitation including your spouse is not a transferable plus one. And when you're a wedding guest, you don't "let the bride and groom know", you ask if you want to swap out your spouse for a rando the couple doesn't even know. Asking is one thing, expecting and being entitled enough "to let them know" is a whole other. Jill & Bill are the rude ones here, and their overreaction just adds to it
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u/TeaIndependent7888 3d ago
They donāt want some random stranger coming to their wedding. The woman is a grown adult. Do you think single people donāt go to weddings? Ridiculous comment. Youāre the one who comes off rude.
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u/_portia_ 4d ago
Jill is a weirdo, why on earth would she think it was OK to sub a stranger to a small intimate wedding?
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u/SlytherinSister 4d ago
People in general have lost knowledge of proper etiquette in the past couple of decades - see all the posts here about people demanding "black tie" dress code, when they mean "don't come in jean shorts".
Some people think etiquette is antiquated and a BS set of rules but I think it made navigating social situations so much easier.