Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/mjw217]

I was recently invited to a wedding for someone I’ve known for a very long time. I’m a widow. I expected to attend by myself. I figured I’d know a couple of people, besides the bride and her family, so I wasn’t worried. I was so surprised to receive a plus one. My oldest daughter, who does know the family, went with me. The family knew that I wasn’t in a relationship or dating anyone. Even with the plus one, I wouldn’t have asked a stranger to the family to come with me. That just seems wrong.

[u/rabbithasacat → u/mjw217]

This right here: you can't invite someone to a party of which you are not the host.

[u/Bluejello2001 → u/rabbithasacat]

This is why I very nearly strangled the other bridesmaids from the first wedding party I was ever in.

Despite the fact that I was a "numbers" bridesmaid (the groom just kept asking more friends to stand with him, so the bride asked me to join her party too) I somehow ended up planning the bachelorette. I'd never even BEEN to one at that point.

So, I planned and made reservations based on the names the bride asked me to invite. The maid of honour and the bride's sister kept inviting people not on the list ; MOH argued that the bride was good friends with Random Girl and would want her there, turns out the hadn't talked in about a decade.

I finally blasted an all-caps message in the group chat that only the guest of honour and the host have any say in the guest list.

Still somehow ended up with 2 people at the party I definitely didn't send invites too.

[u/Which-Ring2864 → u/rabbithasacat]

LOVE it. And all the pearl clutchers blathering on about etiquette- they seem to have forgotten THIS pearl