Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/HatSubject8361]

I am a hair stylist and I get invited to so many weddings. Sometimes I just know the bride or brides mother etc… I absolutely hate going alone . I get to spend the morning with the bride and bridal party so I feel that is my part and would rather not go to wedding. Not only does it make a long day for me , I truly feel kinda uncomfortable. Sure I could talk to people and make “ friends” to hang out with but my whole job is talking to people and that’s the last thing I want to do on a sat nite after working all day . I
Understand Jill but don’t agree with losing a friendship over it .

[u/Individual_Fall429 → u/HatSubject8361]

Say no. Why are you doing extra hours of work unpaid? Just say you have an obligation. They probably only invite you to be polite. They don’t want you there. Say no.

[u/WelshRarebit2025 → u/HatSubject8361]

Ok but that is a very different circumstance. You aren’t being invited as a friend are you?

[u/Stephinator917 → u/HatSubject8361]

Most people are prob inviting you to be polite since you did their hair and all and they think you would like to stay and have some food and fun. But if they invite you to be polite and you accept to be polite, then both parties are feeling they did each other a favor. in my opinion. you could probably politely decline and enjoy your night off, i would imagine its not fun for you since you dont know anyone.

[u/marthawashingtn → u/HatSubject8361]

i do wedding alterations and a lot of them have been for co-workers, when i worked in Long term care ( 350 staff members, all shifts/ departments)and did alterations on the side..... i got invited to lots of weddings, because i think that some of the brides had the idea that because i was involved in dressing them, they had to invite me.... the only ones i did attend, are with close co-workers that were also friends.......
i have done lots of wedding parties, for family members and part of my gift to the bride, is not charging for the alterations, discounts for the bridal party.....

[u/prosthetic_memory → u/HatSubject8361]

Why not leave early? Come for the ceremony and cocktail hour, then cut out. Say you have an event.

[u/The_Nice_Marmot → u/prosthetic_memory]

I’d always have something else I needed to go to. No way I’d spend my whole day at a stranger’s wedding.