Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/withbellson]

My mom tried to do this to bring me to a wedding instead of my dad (who never left the house towards the end of his life) and I was mortified and refused to go because you don’t do that. So she proceeded to call the groom’s mom and ask her to have the couple invite me so I’d stop refusing to go. Extra mortified.

And they did it. Sent me an invite well past the RSVP date which they had to scratch out and rewrite.

I did end up going because my mom wanted me to drive (it was up a mountain on a windy road) but she learned nothing from this.

[u/Mrs_Sparkle_ → u/withbellson]

My Grandmother has NEVER understood a social norm in her entire life (Now that I have reflected on it for years she’s 100% ND in some way just never diagnosed) She has consistently expected me to do very strange things like this and never understands why it’s seen as incredibly rude, invasive or inappropriate yet she will have a mental breakdown about leaves on the ground in the yard, literally crying about “what will the neighbours think?!” but yet will do the most inappropriate and socially awkward things without a second thought? Sorry for the rant, she’s an incredibly strange woman and I wish I could know her diagnosis because it’s something