Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/Ok-Acanthocephala509]

Wow, your ex-friend sounds like a real piece of work. Obviously a stranger shouldn't be at a wedding, unless the invite strictly says +1. It sounds like Jill showed her true colours, and if this is how she chooses to react, good riddance.

[u/enjolbear → u/Ok-Acanthocephala509]

I had 4 randoms at my wedding (40 people total) because family couldn’t be bothered to actually respect the “please no plus ones!”. We didn’t fight about it because we didn’t want issues, but it was very irritating. One of my aunts decided to bring a man she had JUST started dating and got so offended when we asked her not to that she threatened to just stay home. My mom (her sister) persuaded us to let her come anyway.

We had a gorgeous wedding and it all worked out, but I so wish we had gotten more say in OUR day.

[u/SlipInternational439 → u/enjolbear]

Where do you draw the line? If you’re together for 6 months, do you get invited? How about 6 weeks?

[u/enjolbear → u/SlipInternational439]

I draw the line at “have I met the person”. If so, sure come on by! If not, I don’t want to spend $25 on their lunch and invite them to my very small wedding.