Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/Camberino2]

I have a couple of thoughts on this. I just got married and two +1 guests couldn’t make it pretty last minute (no problem). One guest let me know the +1 couldn’t come and came alone. The other didn’t mention it but brought their perfectly lovely adult daughter instead of their husband (I have met neither the husband nor the daughter, so it made no difference to me). I think it’s different because you specifically invited both people in the couple where I invited 1 person in each couple and knew that their default +1 would be their spouse. I feel like multiple things are true here: at a wedding of 50 people, 1 rando won’t kill the vibe at all. And also, your friend was unhinged to react to your pushback by ending the friendship.

[u/Catsdrinkingbeer → u/Camberino2]

Why did you invite someone's husband as a plus one and not a named guest?

[u/Camberino2 → u/Catsdrinkingbeer]

Because I’ve never met him and wanted to give the person the option of who to bring for the exact scenario here. Husband works weird hours and it was unsurprising he wasn’t able to attend.