Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/shrimptetra]

it’s so crazy how you can have a great relationship with someone for years and then suddenly they’ll choose some random guy over your friendship 😭😭 i’m sorry that happened to you

[u/Nice_Back_9977 → u/shrimptetra]

Jill chose her own comfort over their conditional ‘friendship’. Good for her!

[u/shrimptetra → u/Nice_Back_9977]

where was it conditional on OPs part, once jill was informed that OP didn’t want a stranger at her small intimate wedding, jill could have simply said “okay that makes sense!” and either gone by herself or explained that she was uncomfortable going by herself and wouldn’t attend (which i’m sure op might have been understanding of). JILL was the one who said that, not only was she not attending, but she also was no longer interested in maintaining a friendship. she didn’t even give op the chance

[u/Nice_Back_9977 → u/shrimptetra]

They wanted Jill to be there for their own benefit, to be part of their audience for their wedding, but didn't care for Jill's comfort or experience as their friend on the day.