Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/Dry-Wolf6789]

i went to a wedding once that allowed +5 guests per person. blew my mind.

[u/smileysarah267 → u/Dry-Wolf6789]

Was it really casual? Or how did that work?

[u/Dry-Wolf6789 → u/smileysarah267]

It wasn't that casual you had to put your whole "party (up to 6 people)" in at least 2 months before for rsvp. The food was a Greek Buffett which was pretty good. I asked my friend(bride) why she did that and she said she just wanted to make sure anyone who wanted to come was able to and she encouraged bringing family as your guests even kids. They invited 80 ish people and it ended up being almost 200 people. And everyone had a seat but I really think the fire code of that building was broken it was packed  and got pretty hot later in the evening😂 Best day of their lives they Said. Absolutely no stress about the money or random guests being there that I saw. 

[u/Quirky_Movie → u/Dry-Wolf6789]

Ahhh! Greeks have huge families that will get pissed if someone is missed. Makes total sense.

[u/LucretiusCarus → u/Quirky_Movie]

It's also a pride thing, a large weeding is a social signifier. My sister had about 600 guests back in the late 90's and she didn't knew 90% of them, they were guests of my father who footed the entire bill. And I was recently invited to a wedding with 800-900 guests, numbers are iffy because at some point they were inviting random people from the streets of the small town.

Great fun, though.

[u/tunaman808 → u/LucretiusCarus]

I'm 55 and have never been married (though my GF and I have been together 24 years - long story).

Anyway, I feel like if I did get married in my early 20s and my Dad paid for it (which would be unusual, since I'd be the groom) he would have invited 600 of his business and golfing buddies, 95% of whom I don't know from Adam.