Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/_portia_]

Jill is a weirdo, why on earth would she think it was OK to sub a stranger to a small intimate wedding?

[u/theatermouse → u/_portia_]

Some people are taught that because weddings can be expensive per plate, it is rude to rsvp and then bail on the spot (even if for a good reason), so they find a replacement for the person who can't come, thinking it is more considerate to not let the plate and money go to waste.

That said, when op reached out to say "we'd prefer to just have people we know well", Jill should have said "oh of course, sorry I'll tell my friend not to come!"

[u/BusyTotal3702 → u/theatermouse]

Yes, THIS 💯

[u/_portia_ → u/theatermouse]

Absolutely. Jill is weird.

[u/Pure_Alternative3283 → u/_portia_]

Jill is the only adult in the situation

[u/Hungry-Emotion7664 → u/_portia_]

How is Jill to know the size and intimacy of a wedding based on an invitation?

[u/BusyTotal3702 → u/Hungry-Emotion7664]

They were close friends so I'm sure there were discussions.

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359 → u/BusyTotal3702]

Correct. We discussed the details of the day with them several times.

[u/Pure_Alternative3283 → u/_portia_]

Jill is the only rational person here.

[u/multipocalypse → u/Pure_Alternative3283]

Hi Jill!