I (35f) am a professional circus artist and one of the few high-level performers in my town on a very specific apparatus. Mandy (33f) sought me out to be her teacher for the last year on the same apparatus, and is a beginner/advanced beginner. We live in a city where there are very few performers with this discipline. An event company that runs a show every few months has booked me for every one and the organizer told me directly that I’m one of his residency (consistent go-to) performers. In April, I got sick before one of the shows and asked Mandy to sub for me. She did well and it went great.

This morning, I got the company’s newsletter announcing the October show and Mandy has taken my place. She never told me - I found out from the email.

In the circus world, if you sub for someone’s regular spot and the venue asks you back, you check in with the performer you covered for to have a discussion or pass the job back to them. The organizer isn’t a circus person and can hire whoever he wants which is within his right, but that's why this performer etiquette exists since it's a slippery slope to undercutting other performers without clear/respectful communication. She did none of that.

I texted her about this and she apologized profusely, said she had no idea it was a residency and that in her background as a musician, it’s a "free-for-all" and no one educated her on that, and asked how I’d like her to proceed. Then she messaged again back tracking, saying she already committed to this job and backing out would be unprofessional, but she’d let me know about other gigs she hears of.

I told her to go ahead with October and asked her to send the organizer my way if he contacts her again. I said I find it hard to believe she didn’t know to check in - if she subbed for her own music teacher at a venue they perform at, she would just... take their spot without checking in? I can understand if she was an accountant or had a 9-5 job, but she's a gig worker. She's been my go-to person to sub for me in my regular weekly classes I teach in this discipline, but I don't really want her do that anymore or even teach her at all because this broke my trust a bit.

I'm not aching for performance opportunities and am ok without this one, but it's the lack of etiquette and consideration that seriously bothers me here. I hesitate posting here because not a lot of people outside of the circus world would understand the etiquette here (especially between teacher and student). Part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh since she apologized and the organizer can book anyone. But she only met him because I sent her, and I find it hard to believe she "had no idea" how to handle this.

I (28F) met my boyfriend (29M) through seasonal work at a resort in a small mountain town, about an hour away from the nearest larger city. We’ve been together for about eight months, and while I really enjoy our relationship, I’m starting to have some serious concerns about his financial situation and how it’s affecting me.
A few months into our relationship, we planned a three-week road trip that included camping, national parks, and a few major cities. We discussed the cost beforehand, and I estimated we’d each need around $3,000 for the trip. He never expressed any concerns about being able to afford it.
About a week into the trip, he told me he’d run out of money. I ended up covering most of his expenses for the remainder of the trip, and by the time we got home, he owed me around $1,000. He eventually paid me back in installments, but it was frustrating because I felt like this could have been avoided with better planning or communication.
Shortly after we returned, he became fed up with our job and walked out. He found another position that technically pays more per hour, but he no longer has access to the overtime or benefits he had at our previous job.
Not long after that, his car was repossessed.
We live in a very small town where grocery stores, shopping, and most activities require a significant drive. I have a car, so suddenly I felt like his transportation had become my responsibility. He tried to put a positive spin on the situation, saying that without a car payment or insurance, he’d be able to save more money.
About a month ago, I booked a birthday cruise with my parents. He wanted to come along and assured me he could afford it, so I booked his ticket and he reimbursed me.
Unfortunately, the same thing happened again. While we were on the cruise, he ran out of money, and I ended up covering his expenses until he could pay me back afterward.
Now, his current job has started cutting his hours, and I’ve recently learned that he has no savings and no established credit. He also refuses to get a credit card.
What concerns me most is that we’d previously discussed taking a few weeks off between seasonal jobs, moving across the country together, and signing a lease at our next destination. I’m now realizing that none of that is financially realistic for him. Without savings or credit, I would likely be the one responsible for securing the apartment and taking on the financial risk of the lease.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that earlier in our relationship, he told me he owned a home in California. Naturally, I assumed that meant he had some financial stability or possibly rental income. I later found out that he doesn’t actually own the home. He expects to inherit it when his mother passes away.
I want to be clear that I don’t expect my partner to be wealthy or make a certain amount of money. I understand that seasonal work can be unpredictable, and people go through financial struggles. What bothers me is the repeated lack of planning, the assurances that he can afford things when he clearly can’t, and the fact that I’m increasingly being put in situations where I have to cover for him financially.
We’ve only been together for eight months, and I’m already feeling like I’m taking on responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine. I’m financially independent, and I’ve worked hard to put myself in a position where I can travel, save, and enjoy my life without constantly worrying about money.
I care about him, but I’m starting to wonder whether we’re simply at different stages in life or if these are signs of a much bigger problem.
I am reconsider the relationship over this. Is this something that can realistically improve, or am I setting myself up to become financially responsible for another adult?

I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 17 and 18. We’re now 27 and 28, with a beautiful 2.5-year-old daughter. I have spent essentially my entire adult life with this man. At one point, I was working in banking, making my own money, and had some sense of independence. Now, I have absolutely nothing.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, something my partner encouraged and glorified. He makes well over $150k a year, and the idea was that he would provide financially while I stayed home and raised our daughter. But somewhere along the way, I lost every bit of independence I had.
My car went out, and I haven’t gotten another one. I don’t have my own income. I don’t have savings. I don’t have money to my name unless he gives it to me. I’m 27 years old, and I can’t even get in a car and go somewhere on my own without asking to use his. The scariest part is realizing that if I wanted to leave tomorrow, I genuinely don’t know how I would.
I have no financial foundation to fall back on. No transportation. No idea how I’d afford a place to live, childcare, or even the basic necessities while trying to get back on my feet. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I don’t regret being home with her for a second. But I am starting to feel like I’ve sacrificed my entire identity and independence in the process. I also don’t want to leave and lose custody of my daughter to him because of what I don’t have. I’m just sad and scared. I never imagined I’d reach this age and feel so helpless. I thought we were building a life together. I thought being a stay-at-home mom and having a partner who provided meant security. Instead, I feel completely dependent on another person for my survival.
And emotionally, I’m struggling more than I can put into words. There’s been a lot of cheating, getting another woman pregnant, simply emotional torment. I’m scared that if I stay in this situation, it will destroy me. My nerves are so shot and my energy is drained.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I’m not looking for someone to tell me to “just leave.” I wish it were that simple. I’m looking for genuine advice from women or even men who have been here.
How did you rebuild your life when you had no money, no transportation, and a child to care for? How did you find work, secure housing, and become independent again?
I feel like I’m starting from absolutely nothing at 27, and I don’t know how to find my way out. I’m just looking for guidance so I can begin rebuilding a life of my own.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read & especially respond.

Sorry for using the term partner, we always say that so I typed it naturally. Just to clarify, we are not married or even engaged. He’s just my boyfriend.

I’m using a throwaway account because she has Reddit.

My girlfriend is away for the next two or three weeks, visiting friends. She’s only been gone for a couple of days, and everything has been fine until last night. She mentioned going out with one of her girlfriends, which I didn’t mind since she’s there to visit her friends. I appreciated that she told me the name of the place and who she was going with. A couple of hours later, I hadn’t heard from her, which wasn’t a big deal, so I checked her location. It was getting late, and I wanted to see if she made it back to where she was staying.

When I checked her location, I noticed she was at a completely different place than where she had said she was going. I didn’t want to panic or accuse her of anything, so I texted her to check in and ask about the venue. She immediately texted me back, asking how I knew she was there and then called me.

I’ll give credit where it’s due because as soon as she called, she admitted that they had changed their plans at the last minute because the venue they had initially chosen closed sooner than expected. That made sense. Then, without knowing at the time, I asked how her how her friend was doing, and that’s when she got really quiet on the phone for a minute before telling me that she hadn’t gone out with her girlfriend at all. Instead, she had met up with one of her male friends and they were hanging out for the night.

I’m not entirely against having friends of the opposite gender; it doesn’t bother me. I have a few female friends, but I wouldn’t go out with them one-on-one, especially at night or without being very upfront with my girlfriend if I did. However, she did the exact opposite and lied about her whereabouts and her companion.

As of this morning, she’s been unusually attentive to her phone, which is out of character for her. She spammed me in the morning with a bunch of different things, including photos from her trip so far, affirmations, and a few other things that are honestly out of character for her, especially via the phone. I can’t help but feel like she might be overcompensating for something.

I’m genuinely curious and would appreciate your input. I’d like to hear both male and female perspectives on this situation and how you might handle it if your partner did the same.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and overall things are fantastic. Communication is great in other areas, her emotional intelligence is wonderful, and sex is fantastic.

One thing that has started to become a friction point though, is that she will often give explanations for my medical issues with full conviction, but she's often either wrong or can't back up her claims. Often she's trying to give me advice, like telling me I NEED to get more sodium to resolve my chronic migraines. I just want to vent about things sometimes without receiving a lecture from someone that isn't a doctor about my own health.

When I try to correct her or shut her down, she often doubles down. When I fact check her, she acts hurt, like I've somehow insulted her. I just don't trust anyone's opinions on medical advice like that, especially not about chronic conditions I've dealt with my whole life.

I've tried explaining to her that I don't appreciate the unsolicited medical advice, especially when it may not always be accurate, but she hasn't stopped.

Can you suggest any better ways I can communicate my frustrations to her? Specifically, how can I better articulate that I don't want unqualified opinions on my health?

Edit to add: My migraines are just one facet, she does this about everything to do with health and my body. My breast developmenthas plateued (I'm transgender)? I obviously should try gel instead of injections. My new ADHD meds give me headaches? It's probably messing with my metabolic processes. It's just everything and everything. It's reminding me of a grandma or aunty telling me confidently what would definitely for sure fix my issues.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 9 months. We are both currently in college but go to different schools. He comes from a family with significant wealth (They pay for him to go to a private university, he has his dad’s credit card, things like that) and he hasn’t had a job since high school. I on the other hand am not financially supported by my family in the ways he is. We are not poor by any means but I have to work to pay for my car insurance, gas, groceries, and just everyday expenses for a college student. Recently my job hasn’t been given me a lot of hours and I was talking to him about how I was a bit stressed because I have to buy new tires for my car soon and Halloween is coming up which I really enjoy. This made him a bit upset and he started talking about how I was obsessing over money and that I shouldn’t be working during school. He also had issue with me working over the summer to save up for a car saying that “summer is the time to relax.” I try to explain to him that I need to work if I want to have my own money because my parents don’t financially support me the way his do but he always says that I waste my money on shopping and other things rather than saving (which I do have money in savings so that’s not even true). I just don’t know how to get him to understand that not everyone is privileged enough to have their daddy’s credit card on Apple Pay to pay for his meals, outings with his friends, and even sometimes our dates. I don’t want to put it that harshly but I just want him to recognize his privilege and not paint me as some money obsessed person.

My dad has been in Australia for 25 years & never learned English.

They are extremely hard working & never relied on government hand out but they never stepped out of their native community.

My parents never really tried to learn language and if I can go back in time, I would force them to learn English.

They have relied on us since we were teens for disputing bills, council & government affairs or home maintanence. My dad said "I am letting you do it so you know how to deal with these things when you grow up". Back then,I had so much anxiety over dealing with these issues when I was a teen because I was not mature enough.

The anxiety grew into fearing tasks I have to do,even if they are easy to do. I procastinate a lot because even small tasks seem so daunting.

Eventually, my husband came into my life & he showed me how to handle things like a mature adult & to never let people take advantage of me. Since I met him, I started to feel like an adult pro max because he taught me how to be smart & get the best out of life.

My dad was very upset when he found out my husband was white. Because he will be pushed out of his grandkid's life because they will speak English & he couldn't. I said "Nobody is pushing you away.. it is up to you if you want to be present in their lives". Anyways.. my life is too good right now, so I decided I am going to enjoy it without kids.

The truth is, I love my parents. I want to help them. I just hate they put themselves into such helpless, clueless adults who can not solve any problem by themselves. Both of them recently lost their jobs as their factories went bankrupt, I had to call my dad's work to solve things for him, update his resume, file for employee benefit claims, apply for jobs.

It was like I actually lost the job myself.

And now my mom wants to do Cert III in Support Work. I don't understand how she is so confident she can do it with minimal English. But I am reluctant because I will actually be the one studying to teach her back in our language.

I get anxious every time I get a call from my parents... because it means they have a problem that will soon be mine.

The heater is not working, the pipe is leaking, the cat is sick, there is a duplicate bill, the car won't start, tell my manager I can't come to work tomorrow, I need these forms filled, translate this for me, can you take me to my appointment...etc..

I am mad that they never learned but I am also empathetic they missed out so much of the world. I can travel anywhere in this world by myself, they can only go where I take them.

Hi, I have never used this app to write in, so please bear with me. PS I also keep getting this post removed… Please I just need advice.

I feel like I’m at a loss with my marriage. We have our son who’s 3 years old and a small town community where divorce is frowned upon, work through whatever you need to to make it work. I just need to know if what I’m going through is normal and something that can be worked through or if it’s time to call it.

Two weekends ago we left for Idaho to see my family and bury my mom’s ashes. We had already planned a weekend prior to that weekend but my husband said that he did not want to go that weekend and just relax and said let’s do it in October, so we did. As we’re driving there him and I are having a conversation but he kept making comments about how long I look for Halloween costumes on my phone and making a big deal about it. I asked to get coffee and he sighed and said that we can never just come to town and go straight to their house we always have to get coffee, so we didn’t end up getting any. He made a couple other comments that made me feel like he didn’t want to be there and I brought that up. He said if it were up to him he would be sitting at home and not driving to Idaho. That really hurt me because I have been needing this closure of burying my mom’s ashes. I kind of freaked out on him and started crying and our son noticed and he said “yep that’s what happens when you run your mouth”. And never comforted me at all. On our way back home from Idaho he kept making small comments about what I prefer and like and was negative every time. I finally asked, do you even like me? I feel like every little thing I do, you have something negative to say. Then he flipped the script on me and said I’m negative for even bringing that up and the whole way home was all about how I’m the problem, he said he doesn’t know why we work things out if we’re just going to end up divorced..

I said we need therapy, he said no. I said okay what about getting closer to god? He said idk if I believe anymore because of your miscarriage and mom dying. There’s nothing to work with anymore. I truly don’t know what to do.

He doesn’t like my work friends, he says that he hates having to be fake and pretend like they have anything interesting to say. I put in so much effort to be apart of his life, he doesn’t do the same for mine.

Everytime I bring up my feelings it’s met with how I’m the bad guy, every single time. I am never validated for how I feel. When I cry, he turns his head and doesn’t acknowledge me.

There’s so much more history but this is what’s setting me over. He doesn’t even say he wants this marriage to work out. But he says he doesn’t want a divorce?

Idk I feel so confused over the conversations we have, the things he used to put in effort for like dates and flowers, no more.

Please help!!

One of my coworkers and close friends recently got engaged and is very excited (as she should be) about wedding planning. She wants me involved in every step of the process and I honestly feel like I can't breathe. I love love and usually love weddings and planning but I just can't get over feeling incredibly jealous. She has in my eyes the perfect relationship with a man who would do anything for her and is happy essentially being a house husband. We both work pretty intense jobs. I have had multiple relationships crash and burn because I "work too much" or am "too ambitious" and honestly feel lonely, frustrated, and disillusioned with dating and love. I find myself consumed with jealousy every time we hang out which is genuinely a new emotion for me. I have great friends, am doing well in my job, and am actively seeing a guy (though I don't think he is the one). I'm doing fine on paper- I'm good at my job, I'm dating a guy who is nice but probably not the one, etc. I just can't shake the overall feeling of being unhappy and being around this friend greatly intensifies it. It's gotten to the point where I make excuses not to see her and muted her on instagram so I don't have to see the endless stream of instagram content. I know this is a me issue. I'm in therapy. I just don't know how to handle things going forward. I feel like I'll hurt her feelings if I withdraw but I also can't keep showing up to things and smiling right now (or I guess technically I can but it's painful).

I’ll call my (27F) bf Ben (30M) for the purposes of this post. We’ve been dating for 5 months.

Since we’ve been dating, all my friends (male and female 25-33) he’s met think there’s something wrong with him. It’s either that he’s antisocial (he doesn’t talk much in groups and he’s just not very big into humour, and me and my friends are), or he’s controlling (he picks me up from places rather than me taking cabs, and he bought me a home security system), or intimidating, or we don’t have enough in common (is he supposed to like shopping and Pilates?). They also have an issue that he boxes quite often (not professionally), they think that’s a sign he’s physically aggressive. 

Everyone in my life says Ben seems “intense”. Which ok, that one is fair. But I like that about him. I like that he’s ambitious, and serious. Yes he’s different to me but I like that, and I’ve always liked that. I don’t want someone who talks all the time or has to be the centre of attention. 

I really like him. He’s incredibly intelligent, and attentive, and since the day I met him any time I have a problem he’s gone out of his way to help. And then everyone turns around and calls it love bombing and I feel embarrassed for even thinking he cares. 

I don’t want to be that girl who says everyone’s wrong about it and it’s turns out the red flags were there all along. But on the other hand I’m sick of everything hangout becoming an intervention because my boyfriend doesn’t “fit in”. 

Are friends normally right about this kind of thing? Does he sound completely weird? Is it weird that I don’t feel like he’s strange? Am I expecting too much of my friends by thinking they should keep their opinions to themselves? Am I being really naive to concerning behaviour? 

TLDR; my friends think my boyfriend is all wrong for me, but I don’t think they’re being fair. But I am scared I’m blind to something that they see. 

My bf (M/42) proposed to me (F/32) in front of my mom, told me not to tell anyone about it, then he took the ring back a day later and said he didn't think it through enough but that I have too low of an "SES" (socioeconomic status) and he doesnt see me being able to climb the social ranks. He really wants cultured, educated friends.
We've dated 8 years and have a house and a pet. He never lies, yells, or swears, and he's a "genius" (top 1% IQ), so I thought he was like a super safe/healthy bet at first, but he has commitment issues and OCD.
The moving in, the I love you - every checkpoint of the relationship took a ton of self advocacy to even get to.
The exception was the house - he needed my $ for that, so that was easy.
Idk why I did this really, but here I am.
My dad said just leave "spontaneously" on a weekday.
I'd have to move into my dad's basically crack house. My parents were kind of normal and wealthy (but new money wealthy), but then both went off the deep end when I was in my 20s (dad - drugs/women, mom - idrk some kind of ptsd thing but she also hallucinates). I am 32 now, and I don't hang out with my parents - it's just kind of the only choice I have...
Anyway, any thoughts? People say I'm pretty and I do want kids and a loving relationship. I don't think this guy will give me that...

My partner (41F) and I (39M) have been together for 11 years, and we have two boys, aged 7 and 3.

Throughout our entire relationship, we've never had a Christmas that didn't revolve around her family. She absolutely loves Christmas, whereas I've gradually grown to dread it.

I struggle with the excessive spending, the pressure to buy gifts for people who often don't want or appreciate them, and the expectation that everyone should be enjoying themselves. My partner, on the other hand, tends to overspend and practically moves into her parents' house for a week or more over Christmas.

Since losing my father and grandfather, Christmas has become particularly difficult for me. They were a huge part of what made family gatherings meaningful, and without them, I've struggled to find that same enjoyment. Instead, I find myself spending Christmas making small talk with my in-laws, feeling increasingly disconnected and miserable.

I've tried suggesting alternatives over the years. I've asked whether we could spend Christmas at home, just the four of us, and start creating our own family traditions. I've also suggested going away somewhere together. Both ideas have been flat-out rejected.

This year, I'd really like to visit my grandmother, who lives about three hours away. She's one of the only relatives I have left in this country, and spending Christmas with her would actually mean something to me.

The problem is that my partner doesn't seem willing to consider anything other than spending Christmas with her family, as we've always done.

I'm now seriously considering going to my grandmother's on my own and letting my partner take the children to her parents as usual.

I know my boys would miss me, and I'd miss them terribly. The thought of not being there on Christmas morning genuinely upsets me. But at the same time, I feel like I've spent 11 years compromising on something that matters to both of us, except the compromise has always been entirely one-sided.

I'm not trying to stop my partner or children from enjoying Christmas. I don't expect her to suddenly stop loving it just because I don't. I simply want some consideration for my own feelings and an opportunity for us to create traditions as our own family.

I'm reaching the point where the resentment is starting to affect how I feel about our relationship. It's not really about Christmas anymore. It's about feeling that my wishes and feelings don't carry the same weight as hers.

What I'm looking for advice on is:

How do I communicate just how unhappy this situation makes me without it turning into an argument?

Is there a reasonable compromise that allows us both to enjoy Christmas without one person feeling forced into something?

How do other couples handle Christmas when one partner is very attached to their extended family's traditions and the other wants something different?

Would spending Christmas separately make the situation worse, or could it be a reasonable short-term solution?

I love my partner and children, and I don't want this to become something that damages our relationship. But I also don't want to spend every Christmas for the rest of my life feeling miserable and unheard.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's dealt with something similar.

As the title says, my bf is very bothered by the fact that penetration doesn’t feel good for me. He says that he wants us to enjoy sex equally, which I’ve told him just isn’t possible. I can’t orgasm from penetration, and I’m okay with that!!! He’s great at oral, and even if I don’t cum I don’t really care. I’ve tried to explain that I enjoy sex for the emotional aspect, as well as the motions and just the activity itself, and that my goal isn’t to just cum. He says that he agrees, and he’s of the same opinion, but that he wants penetration to feel as good for me as it does for him. The problem is, I just don’t think that’s possible. It’s not that he’s not endowed, some positions actually hurt cuz it’s too deep for me. Is there any other things to try that could make penetration better for me that isn’t clitoral stimulation?

EDIT: the biggest issue he has is not understanding why I even want to have sex if it’s not physically pleasurable

A little background regarding the details of our relationship. My girlfriend (I’ll call her B) and I met in January of this year. At the time I was going through a really rough breakup, she had broken up with her ex that past October. Our friendship was completely platonic. Didn’t intend on it being more than a friendship. About two months ago I realized how much I enjoyed her company, and came to accept that I had feelings for her. Didn’t intend on saying anything about it, but had a suspicion she felt the same. Turns out I was right and a mutual friend told me later that she had been talking about trying to open up to me about it. We started dating shortly after and honestly it’s been off to a great start. We still get along great, have a sincere appreciation for one another and our sex life is really phenomenal in my opinion. It’s early obviously but I was feeling really good about everything up until now.

The other night, we were getting intimate, I was going down on her and we were about to have sex. As I was getting up from where I was she looked me in my eyes, and then in that kind of pre-coital longing voice she said ‘Oh, (her ex’s name).’ Our names are not remotely similar, we look nothing alike, have completely different personalities, and from what I hear are different in every way one can imagine. Immediate boner killer obviously. She immediately said ‘Oh I’m the worst ever.’ and started crying. I did my best to comfort her, and she did not handle the situation well.

I’ve tried to do everything I can to convince myself it’s no big deal, but the fact of the matter is it is a big deal to me. The thought of him popping into her head in that moment makes me sick. Whether it was a momentary fantasy or an indication she still wants him idk which is worse.

I guess I’m just asking if I’m wrong to be this concerned about it?They haven’t spoken in like 6 months, haven’t been intimate in well over that according to her. Honestly I’ve heard about people doing that but I have never in my life had that experience. Just doesn’t compute for me.

Okay so me (25F) and my girlfriend (27F) are in a relationship of 6 years. We live in India and ofcourse our parents do not know about us. They are traditional parents. No LGBTQIA+ stuff allowed. My girlfriend is a teacher but I am still trying to find a job unfortunately. Everything was okay but recently my gf's parents suddenly started forcing her to get married. She has been constantly telling them to say no but they are not taking a no for an answer. They have supposedly gotten a "good boy" and are now trying to set up a force date with him.....it's getting out of hand. But I can't reveal us neither can she because if we do....it will be another disaster all together. How do we navigate this situation so they just stop pestering her?

Because it has started to take a toll on her mental and physical health.

Tldr, we have been together for over 7 years in our relationship but a couple of days ago my partner has asked if we could go on a break (uncertain on length) as she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore. I feel absolutely crushed as I didn't even get a chance to try see if we could work it out together , is this something normal?

idk how to even feel about this, my anxiety has never been as bad as this before as she doesn't want to talk to me at the moment. has anyone gone through something similar like this?

I'm 22M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We've been together for a year, and I genuinely want this relationship to last. I love her personality, the way she thinks, her inner world, and so many little things about her. I don't want to break up with her. I want us to build a future together.

But I'm scared that, over time, I'll end up carrying both of us through life.

Right now, my girlfriend doesn't have a job, struggles to keep up with household chores, rarely socializes outside our relationship, and doesn't seem to take much initiative in building a life of her own.

I'm not expecting her to become a career woman or earn as much money as I do. I'd be perfectly happy if she had an ordinary job, some friends, her own interests, and a reasonable level of independence. I don't need her to be exceptionally ambitious. I just want to feel that we're both actively participating in our lives and our future.

We've talked about this several times. I've encouraged her to look for work and even helped her explore opportunities. I've also asked her to take more responsibility for household chores. She usually understands my concerns and agrees that things need to change, and I believe she genuinely means it. But after our conversations, things tend to return to how they were. She doesn't consistently follow through.

I know this isn't necessarily simple laziness. She struggles with anxiety and emotional difficulties, and being alone or having a life outside our relationship can be hard for her. I understand that these things can affect motivation and make change difficult. I've also noticed some recent improvements, so I don't believe she's incapable of moving forward.

I love her, and I want to support her. But I'm struggling to understand where supporting someone ends and becoming responsible for their entire life begins.

I'm currently working and trying to become more financially independent. I have my own goals, and I'm trying to build a better future for myself. I don't have everything figured out, but I try to take steps forward even when I'm tired or unmotivated.

I want her to have that same sense of ownership over her life.

My biggest fear is that I'll eventually become responsible for practically everything: earning money, making plans, managing the household, solving problems, and keeping our future on track. If I want a comfortable life, I worry that I'll have to earn enough to compensate for everything she doesn't do.

Even if I became financially successful, I worry that I'd still feel alone in the responsibility of making our life work.

I don't want to be someone's parent. I want to be someone's partner.

To be clear, I'm not demanding an exact 50/50 split of income or household responsibilities. Relationships aren't always equal in that way. If my partner were struggling, I'd gladly support her. What scares me is temporary support gradually becoming a permanent arrangement in which I'm responsible for both of us, while she has little responsibility for herself.

I also want her to have a life outside our relationship. I'd like her to have friends, personal interests, goals, and experiences that don't always involve me. I want her to be able to pursue her own desires, make decisions independently, and eventually manage her own money and responsibilities.

Not because I want to distance myself from her, but because I want us to be two independent people choosing to share our lives, rather than one person becoming the center of the other's entire existence.

The difficult part is that I love her as she is. I don't want to change her personality or force her to become someone she's not. I don't think she's a bad person because she struggles, and I don't expect her to transform overnight.

But I also believe that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're compatible in the way you approach responsibility and the future.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I became financially successful while she stayed exactly as she is now. Would I spend my life compensating for everything she doesn't do? Would I eventually become resentful? Would I feel trapped by a situation I had willingly accepted?

I've even considered the possibility of living separately while remaining in a relationship, if that eventually became necessary for us to have more independence. I don't want to use that as a threat or punish her. I just don't want to reach a point where staying together means putting my own future on hold or becoming responsible for every aspect of hers.

I'm also afraid of hurting her by bringing this up. I struggle to express myself clearly during difficult conversations, and I'm worried that frustration might make me say something harsher than I intend. But avoiding the conversation isn't helping either of us.

I want to encourage her without constantly pushing her. I want to support her without becoming her personal manager. Most importantly, I want to see that she genuinely wants to participate in her own life and our shared future, even if her progress is slow.

I'd appreciate honest opinions, including criticism of my perspective. I know you're only hearing my side, and I may have blind spots.

I'm especially interested in practical advice from people who've been in similar relationships: how did you encourage your partner to become more independent without constantly managing their responsibilities? What boundaries helped you support someone you love without gradually becoming responsible for their entire life?

I want this relationship to work. I'm trying to understand how to build a future together without becoming the only person responsible for getting us there.

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and want a future with her, but she struggles to take initiative with work, household responsibilities, and building a life outside our relationship. I understand that she has emotional difficulties, and I want to support her without becoming responsible for everything. How can I encourage her independence while maintaining healthy boundaries?

I(20f) don't have any family and that makes the holidays a bit hard for me. I went no contact with my family on my 18th birthday, it was for the best but I have a deep ache to have a true family of my own.

My BF and I have been together for 2 years now and we normally just go to his family's events for the holidays. Every year though I've been struggling to enjoy the holidays. His family is very kind and are all really welcoming to me. Dispite this, I still seem to not get really down around the holidays.

I wish I just didn't have to take part in any of the festivities but it is bf's favorite holiday. I do my best to not make it my BF's problem because he has done more than enough for me, and this is an internal issue to figure out. He still picks up on my energy being off though, and it's not fair to him to have to keep repeating this every year.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can move past this?

I don’t know if the title is the right word. But I’m an Indian girl, and while I’m first gen - my parents are immigrants who followed traditional gender roles.

My mom initially did not want to work but over time she wanted independence. During my tween years, she started working retail, then taking some language classes, volunteering etc. but my moms health is not great and now mainly lives at home. She’s semi-involved in her community but has no real hobbies.

My mom due to this, has always encouraged me to get a great education. So did my dad, so I got great education and now I’m in a great job.

I met my current partner during university. I love him, he’s kind and caring etc. we’re engaged atm.

But I’m sometimes uncomfortable with his parents. They’re in general nice, but there’s some things that gives me anxiety when I have to spend a lot of time with them.

Here’s a few things:

\- he and his family are white, and his parents are veryyy Christian. Although my partner doesn’t identify as religious anymore, his parents do. I will give them credit for always talking respectfully about my moms religion (she’s Hindu but my dads an atheist), but I can tell it makes them extremely uncomfortable if I bring it up.

\- his mom will constantly ask what my mom does for her free time and try to prod further and further. Like “oh she doesn’t work, then what does she do all day? What hobbies does she have?” And I’ll be like oh she loves gardening and then she will be like “oh but she can’t do that right now bc it’s cold so what does she do?” And when I’ll say she has some health issues she will try to dig deeper to what it is.

\- his mom still spells my name wrong, after 5 years and multiple corrections. My name is not that hard to spell and it’s also not an Indian name (it’s like a common Spanish name my mom thought was pretty).

\- my mom can’t drive either and she will poke questions as to why constantly

\- initially his parents wanted us break up bc they didn’t see a interfaith relationship working - should my partner ever be Christian again. My partner disagreed with them and now he’s even more atheist. I don’t think what they said was wrong but it hurts tried to discourage our relationship 😔

There’s more examples but other than these things, they’re quite nice and friendly. They invite me to family activities etc.

My dilemma? My partner wants to eventually move closer as they live states away. Since my dad works from home my parents can join me wherever I go. But I’m getting so much anxiety thinking about it. They’re very conservative and religious, and I constantly feel judged by things I do. like for example, I was talking about odyssey and they sort of engaged in it, but were saying how they initially wanted to protest their kids learning it in school.

My finance rolled his eyes and told them it’s just a story and to get over it. But like I usually stay silent bc I have no clue what to talk about if we can’t talk about things like Greek mythology.

My partner thinks his parents are flawed but still loves them which i understand. Like I wish my mom was more independent, had an education etc but I still love my mom.

Would it be okay to move closer despite being uncomfortable with those comments and behaviour? Like does it get better over time? The idea of moving close gives me so much anxiety. When we visit them they always are kind to me and go above and beyond to host us, but they talk about when my finance is away for work (he travels a lot for work) that I can hangout with them and that just 😰

TLDR uncomfortable with my partners parents responses

I’m just very curious on this subject. I’m a 35 year old with a 40 year old man. We’ve been together three years now. I crave emotional depth and intimacy in life. I’m somebody who has been through what feels like 3 different lives and I’ve settled down with my partner and I do love him very much but I feel a little like I’m yearning for something more.

In our relationship we have the standard come home, perform our housely duties, have sex, and usually he goes on his phone and looks at sports stats and follows phish tours. I have been dying for more intimacy, if I bring this up it’s kind of brushed to the side and a joke is made. If I bring up getting more spicy in bed it’s the same. When I talk about my feelings it’s one sided.

He is present every night in the home, I don’t believe he would cheat, he splits the nightly duties with me, and on paper is great. But I am always craving more. We are in this life literally once in this timeline, and to me making close connections and bonds is, to me, the most important part of life. I also crave transparency and he tells me I don’t need to know everything about him.

Honestly it’s like I’m always throwing the ball to him when we talk and instead of throwing it back, he places it on the ground and walks away.

I’m asking in this forum what emotional intimacy means to men? I know everyone is different and I want to feel grateful for what I have but it’s hard sometimes. I try to keep the humor alive but I struggle when I feel as though he has no curiosity to my inner world.

What is the actual point of a romantic relationship if this bond isn’t formed? It’s like having a roommate you can sleep with.

How can I (25F) navigate different views on attraction with my boyfriend (26M)?
My boyfriend recently told me he experienced what he described as sexual tension with a female coworker.
He explained that he felt uncomfortable making eye contact with her and couldn’t interact with her as naturally as he does with other women. He said he wished he could treat her normally but struggled to do so.
When I asked whether he was sexually attracted to her, he said no. When I asked if he felt any attraction, he answered, “Not consciously.”
During our conversation, he also explained that he believes experiencing attraction toward other people is a normal part of being in a committed relationship. From his perspective, the important distinction is whether someone chooses to act on that attraction.
I experience attraction differently. When I’m in love with my boyfriend, I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction toward other men. It’s not something I actively suppress. I simply don’t experience it.
Because of this, I’ve been struggling to understand his perspective, especially since the person involved is a coworker he may continue interacting with regularly.
Our conversation became emotional. He explained that he felt interrogated about an involuntary experience and wanted empathy rather than feeling judged. Meanwhile, I was hoping for reassurance and emotional support because the situation left me feeling hurt and insecure.
I recognize that we may genuinely experience attraction differently, and I want to find a way for us to discuss this without either person feeling dismissed.
I’m interested in hearing from couples who have navigated similar differences in how they experience attraction.
What helped you understand each other’s perspectives? How did you communicate your emotional needs and establish boundaries that worked for both partners?
I’d appreciate advice on how to approach this conversation constructively.

me(f22) and my bf(m27)have been together for 2 years at the end of this month. in the beginning things were great, we never fought, we felt so in love. slowly things have gone downhill, patterns have been repeating, and i’m started to question if i am trauma bonded to him or if i am being emotionally abused/manipulated. there are lots of things that have happened and i made a list of negative things that have happened over the last few months trying to pick up on patterns and to discern if these are normal relationship issues that every couple has after the honeymoon phase wears off or if it’s something else. i don’t use reddit much so im not sure how to format this, but here’s the list i’ve made so far. any thoughts and advice are appreciated. thanks in advance…
TLDR; can’t decipher between normal ups and downs or abuse

..
-didn’t care when i was sick and had an accident, responded with “👍” (i literally had the flu and shit myself)

-calls me names (bitch, sensitive, fatass, but he says they’re jokes

-gangs up on me with my brother in law who we live with

-got mad that i didn’t step in with him and my sister were fighting, but when my brother in law starts shit talking to me he joins in on it

-got mad while i was touching him (was starting to get freaky) and told him i couldn’t reach, jokingly said nvm since you get mad i can’t reach, and he got even more mad and put his pants on and we didn’t talk the rest of the night

-doesn’t comfort me when i cry

-doesn’t get along with my family (says it’s because he feels like he has his guard up)

-didn’t defend me at work when someone said my gf is prettier than yours (says it’s because he was ragebaiting the guy so it was fair and he couldn’t say anything back)

-got mad at me for calling out of work when i was sick

-never remembers my birthday, got his baby mom a gift for her birthday

-jokingly called me by his baby moms name in a sexual way and was like “yeah come here (her name) let’s have a quickie

-our biggest fight was when i told him sometimes i have a hard time emotionally while watching his son (he has him part time, thursday night-monday morning, but he works weekends and most sundays so im the one caring for him)

-can talk about other girls/celebrities being hot but gets mad when i even mention another guy

-joked with my brother in law that i was “finger popping my pussy” to a guy when i literally just watched a documentary

-tells me he likes certain celebrities for their personality, not their looks, as if that somehow makes it better

-often just picks up and leaves to his moms house when we are fighting without an explanation

-fight over something then he moves on like nothing happened and expects me to do the same

-tells me i don’t contribute anything financially even though i take care of his son and he has $2000 on my credit card

-told me before he’s tired of holding my hand and that he can’t raise me while also raising his son

-doesn’t like when i talk to anyone about us

-openly tells me he’s going to be a “mean boy”

-ragebaits me, gets mad at me for getting upset when it works, calls me too sensitive, then tells me it’s always something with me

-lost 20lbs since dating, still jokingly calls me fat

-watched me sob in front of him after we had an argument, begged him not to leave (he was going to his moms house because he “didn’t want to deal with this right now”) so we can talk about it and he said “there’s nothing to talk about”. threw laundry in the washer so he had clothes for work, came back in the room to wait for the laundry while i was sobbing. a couple minutes later he went “fix your makeup let’s go get dinner”

-consistently makes jokes about going to strip clubs even though i have told him explicitly that it makes me uncomfortable

-got annoyed with me because i said i was going to start my period. said smth about how that’s great because we are both gonna be in a bad mood. i get crippling pain during my periods

-got tickets for hhn, got into a fight because my brother in law said something that i never even told him and that was untrue to their coworkers at work, told me he’s not taking me because im disrespectful and ungrateful, told my littler sister (who we were taking) we couldn’t go anymore and then he decided he was sorry and when i said i already told my sister we weren’t going he got mad and said well what did you tell her

-flip flops between telling me im so great and i help him so much and do so much for him to saying i never contribute and don’t do enough

there’s definitely more to this but it would just be a lot to write. i really don’t know what im hoping for posting this, just some clarity maybe. i’m sure i left out key details that are needed for context, so feel free to ask any questions.

EDIT: most of you told me what i think i already knew but was scared to admit to myself because i still feel so deeply in love with him. i guess my new question is how can i get myself to leave?

My boyfriend and I live 2 hours apart and see each other on the weekends. I work graveyards while he works day so we already have limited calls/texts til Friday most weeks. He tends to come over and will initiate affection with the intention of sex. I am not bothered by that, but I notice it’s only during those times like he won’t caress me, kiss me, just small things. Yet he loves if I give him face kisses or do something of that sorts. During sex too like he doesn’t really kiss me as much unless I initiate. I’m starting to get pretty sad and so I told him about it and he said he “eventually does cuddle me,” (normally after or prior to sex) and says will do better. He also tends to say that what is going on at the moment is the reason he holds back (life stressor) yet this behavior is constant and the stressors change, things I would consider are always happening in everyone’s lives, so idk what to say. I don’t want to dismiss his stress but the affection keeps lacking and doesn’t seem to be natural for him but he swears he loves me. When I bring it up because this isn’t the first time he just says he’ll do better. For context we have been together for little over a year and in the beginning he was a bit more touchy in a romantic sense