r/relationship_advice • u/BubblyAnalysis8480 • 12h ago

Is physical affection unnatural for some even if they love them? 26/F and M/28

My boyfriend and I live 2 hours apart and see each other on the weekends. I work graveyards while he works day so we already have limited calls/texts til Friday most weeks. He tends to come over and will initiate affection with the intention of sex. I am not bothered by that, but I notice it’s only during those times like he won’t caress me, kiss me, just small things. Yet he loves if I give him face kisses or do something of that sorts. During sex too like he doesn’t really kiss me as much unless I initiate. I’m starting to get pretty sad and so I told him about it and he said he “eventually does cuddle me,” (normally after or prior to sex) and says will do better. He also tends to say that what is going on at the moment is the reason he holds back (life stressor) yet this behavior is constant and the stressors change, things I would consider are always happening in everyone’s lives, so idk what to say. I don’t want to dismiss his stress but the affection keeps lacking and doesn’t seem to be natural for him but he swears he loves me. When I bring it up because this isn’t the first time he just says he’ll do better. For context we have been together for little over a year and in the beginning he was a bit more touchy in a romantic sense

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u/TacoStrong 12h ago

"Is physical affection unnatural for some even if they love them? "

Yes, and if that's not your "love language" then you will never be truly happy and fulfilled. Sounds like he just likes having sex with you. If you're looking for romance, long hugs, foreplay, etc. he's not the one that's for sure.

1

u/ThinkPink02 12h ago

Is it the norm? No.
Is it normal? Perhaps... alot of people are averse to touch in general.

It is likely that he is not naturally a physical touch person... could just be how he is wired a result of the way he was brought up. Whatever the reason, you should continue to communicate your need for physical touch and acknowledge when he follows through on giving that. He needs to consciously try to love you more in the specific manner in which you receive love even when sex is not in the picture.

3

u/LimeImmediate6115 12h ago

I hate to say it, but you're his bang toy only. He doesn't really want to do any foreplay to get you in the mood. You'll need to decide if you're okay with things staying as they are or have a serious sit down discussion about what each of your needs are and how to come to an agreement on making BOTH of you happy.

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u/ReadMeDrMemory 12h ago

It's just how some people are. Don't expect it to change. For many people, this sort of incompatibility would be a dealbreaker. You have to decide whether it is for you.