Hi, to all the readers, please no judgement. I'm 22F and my husband is 29M. We've been married for 4 years and have an infant together. I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart and starting to wonder what life would be without him.

He's a great husband. But a terrible father.

Let me explain: he's the type of guy that wants babies like children want puppies. He was happy to help for the first two weeks, then dipped. Returned to his hobbies and work schedule and stopped helping. For that reason alone, I'm starting to wonder what life would be without him. I keep wondering how easy life would be if I just take care of my son and I. There would be less work for me.

I don't think he's willing to change either. I'm scared...

Scared of having a conversation. I want to give my son a sibling, but I can't. I can't have another child with this man. I'm so conflicted. I love him as a husband but hate him as a father. What are your thoughts and advice?

TLDR: My husband and I have a baby together. He wants another child but I can't do it again. I'm basically living the single married mom life. He's a great husband, but a terrible father. He never helps out with the baby, only when I have to ask 10,000 times. Now I'm dreaming of a life without him and I'm scared of that reality.

Brief context: We work together in different departments. I am a manager, he is a supervisor which would make him a subordinate. We live together and he chooses to commute with me even though I work longer hours than him. He has his own fully operating and paid for car.

Lately, we have been getting into strange (to me) fights out of nowhere over ?????

And there in lies the problem, he’s frustrated I don’t understand where he comes from to the point where we are both yelling and in tears. It genuinely and deeply bothers him that I do not understand him at all and it makes the fights even worse. I ask him to clarify, none of it makes sense to me.

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Example:

Yesterday, he approached me towards the end of the workday and said an employee looked like he was in pain from a recent car accident. I said we were very short staffed and the employee did not mention anything to me. I was reluctant to send the employee home but he convinced me it was in the company best interest. Ok - I send employee home because he really was hurting.

A couple hours later, on the car ride home, he explodes on me for “being so lenient” on him and he only got to leave early because I have favoritism towards that specific employee? I was so confused because my boyfriend was the one advocating for him! It seemed so backwards.

I asked him to explain why he was mad and then he will get even angrier and start listing off grievances. And then he’s offended I even asked him to clarify because he’s “told me so many times” about how wrong x, y, z is. And then the fighting spirals out of control. We both get ugly and feel unheard.

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Lately we have been having fights like this (about work or not about work) almost every other day. I don’t know what’s going on. I really want to come from a place of curiosity and trying to better understand what is going on. I really don’t get it but he seems so genuinely frustrated and upset.

This might be long so I apologize.

We’ve been together 7 months and we used to be great at the beginning sex wise but part of that I believe was because he hadn’t been intimate in over half a year before that.

For the last 4-5 months he hasn’t seemed interested in me sexually at all. Whenever I try to initiate anything he refuses and tells me to stop immediately. The only time anything intimate happens is when it is on his terms. I have brought up how upsetting it is MANY times before but he says “that’s just how it is” and leaves it at that.

Every time we do have sex which is like maybe once every week or 2 sometimes not even he will have sex and immediately flee off to do something not around me. It makes me feel used and unloved and when Ive mentioned it he said affection or being around me after we have sex isn’t something he’s into.

He will also only really have sex with me when I’m half awake in the morning and I’ve told him I don’t like it because I don’t remember half of it and can’t really enjoy it because I’m not even fully awake and he has said it’s that or nothing so I should be glad he had sex with me at all.

He also has an issue with me having an orgasm for some reason? Like every time I mention something like “hey would we be able to continue a bit longer so I can have an orgasm too” he will literally say “I don’t see the problem with you not having an orgasm.” He has one EVERY time we have sex and I haven’t had one from him in MONTHS.

I’m just very frustrated right now and I need advice because I really don’t know what to do because he doesn’t see the issue and it makes me feel used and unloved.

TLDR: doesn’t seem sexually interested, shuts down attempts at intimacy if I initiate, he distances himself after sex and says he doesn’t want to be near me afterwards, only really has sex with me while I’m half awake which I’ve expresses I don’t enjoy, has an issue with/will not let me have an orgasm

Sorry for such a long post I’m just so lost and confused and I love him but this is getting so frustrating and I’m almost at my breaking point

Alright so this is a continuation of my last post which was 165 days ago. So yeah, we got married, turns out that it was really just a phase and discovering polygamy helped solve it, I opened up the idea of me having other women around in the relationship and at first she was extremely against it and told me that she wouldnt want other men to be around her but then I made the case of biologically that men are designed to be with women, maybe 10 or 20 tiktoks that support my case later over the course of 6 weeks she ended up agreeing and ever since then our relationship felt great, I went and found a few girls to do stuff with and I found that not only has it helped me and my girlfriend bond but we began to love each other again and I ended up proposing to her and getting married 4 weeks later.

Is this something that can last long term? Right now things seem to be going great but I’m looking for advice on upkeep for this!

I’ve never really come on here to ask for relationship advice, but I feel like I can’t talk to my close friends about this anymore because, honestly, I’m embarrassed that I’ve stayed for this long.
My boyfriend cheated on me during the first couple of months of our relationship. We decided to work through it, but I feel like I’ve built up so much resentment toward him since then. I’m constantly angry, I’m unhappy a lot of the time, and yet I feel extremely attached to him. It’s like I know I’m not happy, but the thought of leaving him hurts too.
A couple of days ago, we had an argument, but we made up. We spent the night together, and the next morning, I saw that he had searched for an OnlyFans girl on Instagram.
I got up and told him I was leaving. What hurt me almost as much as what I saw was that his first reaction was to tell me to pay him back the money I had asked him for help with. He didn’t even try to talk to me about what I had found on his Instagram.
I left feeling hurt and betrayed. We went about five days without talking before he reached out because he’s military and he’s about to leave to Italy in February and wanted us to talk to figure out what we were going to do.
When we finally talked, I asked him why he hadn’t addressed what I saw on his Instagram. He told me that he had seen the girl on TikTok, got curious, and looked her up on Instagram. He said it wasn’t because he was horny, and admitted that he knew it sounded bad but didn’t know what else to say. He also said he searched for her while we were in “no contact.”
I honestly don’t know how to process that explanation. Maybe it really was curiosity, but considering our history, it brought back so many feelings from when he cheated on me. I feel betrayed all over again, and I hate that I’m in a position where I’m questioning whether I can trust him.
The other thing making this so difficult is that, before all of this happened, we had actually been looking at rings because he was planning to propose. He’s in the military and is supposed to leave for Italy on February 7, so there’s also the reality that our relationship could be heading toward a huge commitment while I’m feeling this way.
Part of me loves him and wants things to work out. Another part of me feels exhausted, angry, and resentful. I feel like I’ve invested a year and a half into this relationship, and I’m scared to walk away from something I’ve put so much into. At the same time, I’m scared of committing to someone when I already feel this unhappy.
I feel weak for even giving him the chance to explain himself, and I feel ashamed that I’m still so attached to someone who has hurt me.
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who have tried to rebuild trust after infidelity. How did your relationship change afterward? What helped you recognize whether things were genuinely getting better or whether you were just staying because leaving was painful? How did you deal with the resentment and the fear of starting over?
I’m also struggling with the idea of taking such a big step toward marriage when I still have so many unresolved feelings. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you loved someone but felt emotionally exhausted by the relationship, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience and what helped you navigate it. I just want some outside perspectives from people who have been through something similar because I feel stuck and this relationship has became so unsatisfying.

Me, ‘21F’ and my boyfriend ‘23M’ have been together for almost 5 years now. We recently moved in together it hasn’t been going as well as I hoped it would. We are both currently in college, I’m a senior and I will be graduating with my bachelors in the spring, and I’m hoping to get my masters afterwards.

My boyfriend’s college experience hasn’t been going well. Right after high school, he attended university but ended up dropping out after a semester because he failed all of his classes. After that, he took a semester off, then did a year of community college where he barely passed his classes. Now, we both go to the same college. It’s his third year here, and ideally he’s supposed to be graduating the same time I do, or even taking an extra semester to graduate. However, he’s failed multiple classes as well as taking multiple classes that don’t count towards his major. He also constantly skips classes and never pays attention to when he has assignments due. So now, he may not graduate for likely a year after I graduate, or maybe even two years after I graduate.

Here’s the thing, he’s very academically smart, he just doesn’t put in the effort to get even half decent grades. He blames getting bad grades on the fact he has diagnosed A.D.D (ADHD without the H), but he has told me multiple times that when he was in high school, he could’ve gotten straight A’s if he wanted to, but he chose not to try and be lazy because he didn’t care. He gets mad at me for being on him about failing his classes, claiming it’s not his fault he has ADD when I know he fails because he’s lazy and doesn’t put in any effort. Whatever.

The worst part about this is that his parents pay for his college. He doesn’t get any scholarships or grants from FAFSA because his parents make a lot of money. Right now since we’re living together, his parents pay for his tuition, rent, his car, and pretty much everything else he has and needs. He doesn’t even work either at the moment. The past few years his parents didn’t want him to work while he is in college so he can focus on his classes, when he fails anyway. He pretty much only works during summer and winter break and that’s it. The past few months his parents and I have been pushing him to get a job while he’s in school. He keeps saying he’s going to get one, but he hasn’t made the effort.

Another thing is that he spends the vast majority of his time playing video games, which he has been addicted to since he’s been young, and also watching anime. To be clear, Id typically would have no issues with him doing this things, however he spends more time doing these things instead of focusing on school. I wish he could be able to balance both, but he doesn’t seem to care or try to.

For background information about me, 21F. I work full time while keeping up with going to college full time, on top of student teaching. I hardly have any time to myself. In the past year I had some financial issues. I developed a sports gambling addiction, my car had broke down a year ago, and I attempted to use apps such as Fanduel and Draftkings to win money so I can buy a new car. Well, obviously I ended up losing far more money than I won. This caused me to rack up $5000 in credit card debt and it even caused me to get evicted from my previous apartment this past May. Thankfully, I have learned my lesson and got my gambling addiction under control and are in the process of paying off my credit cards and saving money for a car. Since my car broke down, my boyfriend and I have been sharing his car.

Going back to when I said I hardly have any time to myself. My time is either spent working, doing school work, student teaching, trying to get decent sleep, and trying to take care of myself. I don’t have much time and energy at all to do a lot of the cooking and cleaning around our apartment. For the record, I almost always clean up after myself. However my boyfriend does not. He is not used to cleaning up after himself because his mom would almost always do it for him. He also grew up hardly doing any chores other than maybe mowing the lawn. Either his mom cleaned the house, or they would just straight up pay someone to clean their house for them, even though his mom has been unemployed for years and has the ability to do it herself. Whatever.

Here’s where the relationship advice comes in. I need help cleaning and cooking, I’m fully fine with doing 50/50. However my boyfriend does not want to help me as much as I want him to. Whenever I ask him to do literally anything, such as loading the dishwasher, wiping down countertops, sweeping the floor etc, he cocks an attitude with me most of the time, Usually I will have to remind him to do something multiple times before he actually does it. And of course whenever he does clean, he doesn’t put in the effort. It also seems like him cooking for me is also a chore for him. I cook for him all the time without asking. He doesn’t do the same, I have to ask him to cook for us when I feel absolutely exhausted, he never does it willingly. There have been a few occasions when I have asked him to cook for us and he would straight up tell me no because he doesn’t feel like it, and would tell me to either order takeout or cook myself something instead. This is just stressing me out badly. If we were to get married one day, I would like to own a home and maybe have a kid when we’re financially stable. He cannot save money for the life of him when he has any. I know he has some credit card debt as well which he needs to pay off, but again, he hasn’t made an effort to get a job. One day he spent $700 at best buy for a VR headset that he has only used once since he bought it.

I really hate the situation I’m in. What makes me feel stuck is the fact that my boyfriend is a very good guy. He’s very kind, respectful, loving, and has good morals. However he is very irresponsible and doesn’t make an effort to better himself, both responsibility and financially. It also kills me to see him basically taking advantage of his parents and their money. He is very lucky to have parents that are able to financially support him all the time at the age of 23. Meanwhile I have to work for everything I have. I tell myself I want to give him a year to see if he gets any better, but I’m not sure anymore.

Once I get back on my feet financially, I know I will be able to support just fine. It’s not a huge priority to me to get married and have kids. If we weren’t together, I’d be totally fine with spending the rest of my life single with no kids.

I don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.

I've been in an undefined, up and down relationship with a man (M35) for about a year now. Yes, I know the age gap is already going to be a concern.

To cut a long story short, we've had some major issues lately, and he had planned on coming sometime today to pick up his belongings from my apartment. He stays here frequently, almost to the point of qualifying living here. So he had lots of things he needed to get back.

He originally was going to drive here in the morning (he lives 2 hours away so it's a commitment), however he kept pushing back the timing. It eventually reached 7-8pm and he texted saying he'd be here soon, and asked if we could watch a specific movie.

I was a bit put off, since I assumed he'd just grab his stuff and leave. But it was late, so I assumed it was an attempt to just have fun while he was here and have an excuse to stay the night. I said okay.

He got here. We turn the movie on. And I am just not with it. I feel numb, catatonic even. I'm staring off into space, at some point I start crying. All during this he is continuing to watch the movie, nudging me and making comments about what we're watching, scrolling his phone occasionally, all while seeing I'm clearly distressed and quietly crying.

Finally I pause the movie and say I can't do this, and he asks what I want him to do. I pause for probably 5 minutes straight, just sitting in silence. Because I don't know. This whole time he's scrolling his phone.

Eventually I force myself to get up. I put my shoes on. Grab his stuff. He says "You're not just going to leave your own apartment." I say I think him leaving is probably a good idea and I'm helping him pack his stuff up. He angrily gets up and grabs his things from my hands, and goes to leave. I start crying even more (yes I've been crying this whole time) and desperately ask why I'm not even getting a goodbye hug. He said I don't get one because I invited him here to stay the night and I'm kicking him out all of a sudden, and now I'm trying to act like the victim. He calls me crazy and leaves.

He then started angrily texting me from his car calling me childish and crazy, saying I'm selfish for making him sleep in his car or risk falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. I just kept saying I'm sorry.

I am devastated. Confused. Can't trust my own judgement. I need help and I don't know what to do

I need advice I don't want to admit to myself that my friend was jealous of me. And I don’t want to throw a a 10 yr friendship we maintained and grew down the drain . I'm wondering how do I approach a conversation with her ? I feel my disappointment turning into anger from betrayal. I feel weird with no closure about the friendship . At this point a month has passed since I left .

We planned this trip 2 months in advance, and Saturday was supposed to be BIG, stay out ALLLL night. We had many phone calls about what the night would intel, Uber so we could drink, club hop, side questing, staying My friend gave me assurance that with just us it would be different we were gonna have a good time because last year I visited and a mutual friend acted similar to how she did in hindsight .

So Saturday night started great. We went to a rooftop bar both got attention, but once we got to Bourbon Street, I started getting approached and complimented A LOT from men and women back to back .

At one point, at a bar a guy bought me a drink. I didn't know tho. I excitedly told her and offered to get her one, but her expression was blank she just said "ok" and disappeared , I found her in line for the bathroom. …. We switch clubs and she's talking to a guy im just buzzing around he invites me to the convo and asked about me visiting . 2 seconds later I realized she was gone l told him I have to go find my homegirl have a nice night. She’s at the bar getting a drink. He then found me with her and asked for my insta . I declined . By then I could really feel that something was way off. In my mind I was having friendly banter, Dance/walking everywhere , complimenting women and had 1 cocktail and a glass of rosé by then .

Eventually, she sat into a secluded patio area and so I asked her what’s wrong. She said I'm prolly too drunk to even understand her, I was moving how I wanted, talking to guys she had talked to, going to the bar without making enough space for her, something about instagram and I'm walking too fast. She said she didn't move like that with her other friends and that right now the vibe wasn't there for her. And she didn’t even know who I was .

I apologized immediately. I said that wasn't my intention and I wasn't drunk, tipsy maybe and that l'd make sure she stayed beside me, while pointing out that she had been walking away from me and safety is the #1 priority. After that, I stayed next to her, held her hand, slowed down, took all her criticism on the chin and corrected. I even shooed guys away quickly. Asked her to dance she declined and her mood still didn't change.
By 2 AM she wanted to leave said she was tired, even though we had planned to stay out much later for food .

While we uber back I'm googling food and she won't talk back to me . A silent awkward ride .
At her apartment she randomly said I was taking her for a joke and that the key is right there that I can go out and get it myself . I ignored this , asked how her night was she said "alright I had to tell you about yourself then it got better but me being tired has nothing to do with you."

I asked her to repeat what she said on the patio and she stated that she already told me and she doesn't have to again. I repeated what I thought I heard and she said "I'm not confirming or denying". I said if you thought I was drunk then what’s the harm in repeating , I told her the night didn't go how I expected and she agreed . She said I was drunk and when I’m sober the next day that'll make it 3 times she'll have to repeat it so she's just not gonna . Which I still don’t understand cause I was never drunk .

Eventually she told me to get out of her room.
The next morning she was cold and rude to me. I even helped her with her car battery, trailed behind her to a shop as well, but eventually told her I was leaving a day early because the energy between us felt completely off.
Her response: "I just don't see us being friends anymore." "Who's gonna put effort into the friendship" "We're long distance" "We have our own lives" "sometimes people outgrow each other"
I was kinda speechless. I told her if we talked still it would be organic like it's always been . Anyways when I left I gave her a hug told her i love her and she was reluctant but that felt like the last time I'll see her . She then sent me a Zelle request for $17 .

TLDR : Friend’s vibe changed on a night out we planned 2 months prior . She abruptly ends the night shorter and our friendship. Yet only told me once what I did to upset her despite me asking multiple times .

My (NB 24) partner (NB 24) and I have been together for 3 years. They don’t drive or have a license. They’ve expressed feeling bad about it, but they don’t seem interested in changing that. My issue isn’t necessarily that they don’t drive, but that I’ve become entirely responsible for transportation in our relationship.

They live 25 minutes away, and whenever we want to see each other or go on a date, I’m the one who drives. They refuse to take Uber, public transportation, or walk. They never come to me or meet me places. I’m always the one traveling to them or picking them up to take us somewhere.

I work and go to school, so this has become exhausting and time-consuming.

A few weeks ago, we had plans that would have required over two hours of driving for me on the same day as a midterm. I told them I was stressed and short on time and asked if they could meet me at my house or at the location instead. They said no, explaining that someone who could give them a ride couldn’t, but they turns out they hadn’t even asked that person.

That interaction was a turning point for me. I realized I can’t keep being solely responsible for making our time together happen, especially when I need flexibility myself. And when they aren’t willing to give that flexibility back.

I want to tell them that, going forward, I’ll only drive us places when I offer. Otherwise, they’ll need to arrange their own transportation. I still want us to go on dates and spend the same amount of time together, and I’m happy to plan things and drive when I have the time and energy. I just don’t want it to be an automatic expectation anymore.

The difficult part is that they’re very sensitive about not driving, and they’re currently going through a difficult situation involving someone close to them. I don’t want them to feel judged or add to their stress, but I also can’t keep putting my own needs aside, especially since this situation showed to me that they aren’t willing to do the same for me.

For those who’ve dealt with a similar situation, how did you communicate a boundary like this without making your partner feel personally criticized? How can I approach this conversation while making it clear that I still want to spend time together, but can no longer be responsible for all the transportation?

I m20 have been with my boyfriend m19 for 11 months now and just found out he wants to own a snake when we move in together, saying that he's wanted one since he learned what a ball python was. I have always had a serious hatred and disgust for snakes since I can remember and do not want to have a snake living in my house. He is trying to say that I wont have to care for, go near, or interact with the snake whatsoever, but for me its not about the care, it's the fact the snake is in my house. Hes telling me that this kind of thing is a deal breaker for him and I dont know what to do. How do I compromise with this situation?

Edit: We are talking about it actively and he says he MIGHT be okay with an exterior "house" for the snake in the backyard as long as it has some sort of insulation and temperature regulation.

I 24M have been dating my girlfriend 24F, for 4 months and for the past two weeks, I’ve noticed a growing lack of communication between us. The culprit? A seemingly innocent mobile game called Township.

It all started with an Instagram ad. She saw a little minigame involving collecting eggs and selling them, and something about it just clicked. Before long, she was hooked.

Initially, I was genuinely happy for her. Outside of drinking and smoking, she hasn’t had many hobbies or interests, so seeing her get excited about something new was refreshing. I figured this could be a harmless pastime, maybe even the beginning of a healthier hobby.

And, to be fair, it was kind of sweet at first.

She planted her crops, collected her eggs, sent shipments out on the train, and meticulously arranged her little town. She made sure her virtual residents were happy and that every corner of her digital world was just right. There was something endearing about watching her pour so much care and attention into something she enjoyed.

But somewhere along the way, things changed.

Township now accounts for eight hours of screen time a day.

We go to dinner? Township.

We go on dates? Township.

We spend quality time with each other’s families? Township.

We settle down to watch a movie? You guessed it. Township.

I’m beginning to feel like I’m competing with a virtual town for my girlfriend’s attention, and, frankly, I’m not sure how to feel about it.

I’ve brought it up a few times, but I haven’t pushed the issue because I genuinely don’t know whether this is a problem or simply the honeymoon phase of a new obsession. Maybe the novelty will wear off. Maybe she’s found something that brings her genuine happiness, and I’m at risk of making a big deal out of nothing.

I can even appreciate the nurturing side of it. There’s something sweet about seeing her care for her little farm and take pride in keeping her town running smoothly. In a way, it’s a glimpse of her motherly instincts.

But at the same time, I miss her.

I miss having her undivided attention at dinner. I miss being able to enjoy a movie together without a screen competing for her focus. I miss feeling like we’re sharing our time rather than simply occupying the same space while she tends to her crops.

And beyond the relationship side of things, I worry about her, too. Eight hours a day feels like a lot to devote to a mobile game, especially when it starts to interfere with real-life relationships and experiences.

So, Reddit, am I overthinking this? Is this just a temporary obsession that will eventually pass, or is it worth having a more serious conversation about how much time she’s spending in Township?

More importantly, how do I approach this without making her feel judged for enjoying something she loves?

Because, at the end of the day, I don’t want to take away her virtual town. I just want to make sure I haven’t lost my place in her real one

So me and my bf met and started dating in 2020, broke up about three years later and talked on and off for another 2-3 years. We officially got back together almost exactly one year ago. He made a new friend while we were broken up and I just recently found out they met on grinder... I knew he downloaded grinder when we got back together but as far as i was aware he didn't like it and deleted it soon after. he says nothing happened between them but he was interested in this friend when they met. Im struggling to figure out how I feel about it all, part of me is upset but I think mostly just because he didn't tell me on his own, I also feel my trust has been a bit damaged in all of this and im struggling to not be paranoid that hes not telling me other things. He did say he wanted to tell me but didn't know how and couldn't find the right time... We've talked a few times but im just a bit lost. Im hurt but worried im overreacting, we weren't together at the time but we still talked here and there, even romantically/sexualy on occasion. I guess im just looking for an extra set of eyes on the whole situation, dont really have anyone to talk to about it in my personal life. So is it best to just move on from it? And what can I even do to properly get over it?

I have always said that I don’t like being lied to (not that anyone does) but I expect full honesty regarding anything.
My boyfriend has a week break from classes this week so we decided to hang out all week since we haven’t seen each other much during the past few weeks. Today, randomly in the day he tells me he’s gonna go on a few day trip with his friend 19 (M). Now, I don’t have an issue that he’s hanging out with his friend but he randomly dropped this bomb on me when we promised to hang out all week since we haven’t gotten the chance to do so. Then, he says that his mom is already there (they’re going to this beach house that his family owns) and that he’s visiting his mom and bringing his friend. I originally just got annoyed that our week got cut in half with short notice and I felt like he didn’t value our time and that his friend was more important.

But, I got over that. That’s until I found out that his mom is NOT there and that he said that to make me less mad about hanging out with his friends. He has like some delusion that I hate it when I hang out with his friends because I “tweak out”. From my point of view, he always “forgets” about our plans and then hangs out with his friends, which makes me mad since I was excited for it and he always just kinda ditches me last minute. I do admit that I don’t particularly like his friends because they have bad mouthed me before and one of them has indirectly told my bf to cheat on me. I think the lying about it and then making excuses afterwards really ticked me off.

I don’t know if i’m being sensitive and it’s not something to worry about.

Recently, I was invited to a a boat party with a bunch of friends in a college group (roughly ~20 people). I had joined the group chat for this trip without having decided whether I wanted to go yet, assuming the organiser would make some poll asking who’s actually going and who’s not. This was my mistake. However, there was no poll and the organiser booked it and set the price per person (around $100USD). After this, me and my gf discussed it and she agreed that I can go, albeit slightly reluctantly, but she understood that the boat was already booked and ditching the organiser isn’t the best idea as it would make it more expensive on their end. I have not paid the deposit yet.

A week later, a few days prior to the actual party, my gf lets me know that her cousin (19F) was suddenly invited to the party. She then brings up that she is now uncomfortable with me going because her cousin is going. Her cousin is not in our group and is only invited because some other people ditched and the organiser was friends with the cousin. My gf offered to sub me out in place of her cousin so that I can not go and she can go. Regrettably, I was looking forward to the boat party and wasn’t thinking straight. I rejected her offer and paid the deposit after she expressed her discomfort. I know this was very impulsive and inconsiderate. My gf says it is unnecessary and inappropriate for me to be in the same hangout as her family relative, even though I offered to have zero interaction with her. My gf says it’s not about trust issues or jealousy, but rather just a hard line that I can’t cross. Seeing that I paid the deposit, my gf told me that I can go but she will have a problem with me afterwards and that her impression of me will change negatively. I was stuck in a trap of my own doing, and she told me to dig myself out of this.

Later that day, I had a planned sports related hangout with my highschool friends, and despite that I was texting my gf and even called her once to try and sort things out but to no avail. Given I was hanging out with my friends which I rarely get to see since college started, I said I would call her back at night before bed and she agreed. On my way home, she offered to meet up with me in the middle of the way, but my train had already passed that station so I again reaffirmed that I would call her when we got home. She called me when I got home and called me avoidant for avoiding her and am not willing to solve things with her and she also thinks I believe she is not as important to me as my friends. She said I give her a lot of pressure and usually she would be stressed with work or academics she could come to me but now the work and academics actually serve as a break from me. I agree that she has had a stressful week with exams, and I could have done more to be helpful.

When we both calmed down, I tried to understand the reasoning behind her hard rule about relatives. She mentioned that she thinks its unnecessary and inappropriate that I am hanging out with any relative of hers without her being present. I asked her if she would be okay with her male cousin coming. She says even if her male cousin was coming to the event she will have a problem with it but I doubt thats true. She says its an unspoken rule. She also talked to ai and it said that its because 'It blurs boundaries', 'It might feel like a betrayal of loyalty', 'They don't need to be in the same hangout', and 'It creates a dynamic you're not a part of'. While I’m explaining my own thoughts and asking her more about her thoughts, she says I’m giving her anxiety and tachycardia. Seeing that I’m making her more stressed, I offered to give her some space and time to relax, but then she texting me more after I said that.

I ended up explaining to the organiser that I can’t come if her cousin is coming, and the organiser decided to uninvite her cousin. I feel like I also handled this badly because I could’ve just withdrawn myself without forcing the organiser to pick one out of us two.

The situation is resolved now but I’m still wondering if this type of boundary is reasonable and the way she is not offering to compromise at all over this boundary is a sign of something deeper.

I’m a 25(m) and my wife is a 24(f). Sometimes I genuinely feel like she treats me like a servant. I think it comes from childhood trauma and being the eldest daughter growing up, having to take on a lot of responsibility at a young age. Her dream which she expressed to me multiple times is to finally be the one being taken care of. I’ve always tried to do a bit more but sometimes I get the feeling that she just wants me to do everything. For example lately I’ve been handling most of the stuff at home alone. Pretty much all the laundry, dishes and 90% of the regular cleaning. On top of that I try to make life a bit easier for her by running errands after I finish work for her and making sure I pick some food up every day so she can just come straight home from work. When we’re home after we eat I always take up all the garbage and dishes for both of us and even clean up after her at times. I kinda just wish it was reciprocated a bit more. She’s always very tired from work which I get but I I’m tired after work too and I still make an effort, I just wish sometimes she would wanna serve me the same way. I’ve always tried to do these things without complaint but the moment I specifically started feeling this way was one day when we were watching a show she said out loud “ I need water” and looked around like it was just gonna magically appear out of thin air, and I got up and got her a water bottle. After that I just felt weird. She’ll hardly get up and grab something herself anymore. I don’t know if I just did it to much and she got comfort with it or what. I love helping her but I just don’t want to feel like a servant at home.

Have any of you gone through something similar?

Ive been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over two years now. Whenever we have problems we generally get them fixed and we're okay again but over the past 6 months ive been horrible to him.

I realize I have a double standard with how we treat eachother, and i cant get myself to do anything about it. When he feels hurt he sits me down and tells me that, but i realize that i make excuses for myself and my view of my own self worth is so low i entirely shut down when these things are told to me. I think so low of myself its directly impacting our relationship to a point i expect him to leave me over the smallest of things, and even if i dont say it, its noticeable in my behaviour and how easily i give up on things

hes burnt out, he isnt getting his emotional needs met and i keep expecting mine to be. I keep reminding myself that i need to be gentler and take him into account when im upset if i want my feelings to be an excuse for my own behavior, but it isnt exactly working and i fall back into that loop

ive tried getting myself to think higher of myself by keeping a journal of things im proud of each day including how i felt and if i did something i deserved, but i still struggle to take accountability because i will either entirely defend myself or shut down and accept that im "a horrible person and hes allowed to be upset with me and sooner or later he'll leave " and i KNOW this mindset will just make it happen

i ask him if hes upset with me obsessively

i dont take his words at face value and i realize i dont trust him how i should despite him never really having done anything wrong

he's the sweetest guy ever and always considers me in everything but i recognize its burning him out and i need to get my shit together

how do i even do that?

where do i start with "general self betterment"?

how do i get myself to feel responsible for the things i do without feeling so bad about them i decide "thats just how it is, im a bad person" and give up?

how do i convince myself hes not attacking me by saying how he feels when hes not in a state to reassure me of that?

how do i trust in someone enough to not need that reassurance?

i realize my post is very short, i realize im writing it while emotional and tired at 4am, and i should probably add more info

but i cant look at this currently and see a lot more i can add even if i see that im not sharing a lot on the situation

ill probably add to this tomorrow or make a new, more consise post, i just never know how to start

I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (22F) for about a year now. I love her and she's probably become my best friend at this point. We've discussed what our future would look like, eg. moving in together.

However, the one thing that gives me doubt about our future is her financial stability. I do ok for myself, Im a new engineer making 80k.

She has never made more than 25k in a year. She dropped out of highschool at 16 and has been working service jobs since. She's gone through about 15+ jobs since then. She previously lived with her ex, and now lives with her sister, so she's never lived independently and had to pay consistent bills. She will sometimes pay rent to her sister, but its just whenever she can afford to and not a set amount. Her financial instability and career outlook worries me. She wants to eventually open her own coffee shop, but to be honest I have doubts about how successful that could be. I want to be supportive, but I also know how insanely difficult it is to open up a brand new business, especially coffee.

I want to believe that she can turn things around, but at the same time, at what point does being hopeful become ignorant? Long term, I want a partner that I can build a full life with, and frankly that requires someone with financial stability. I truly dont know if she can become that person for me. Its hard because aside from money, she's an amazing person who I really enjoy being with.

How do I know if I should continue the relationship and see how things go, or just end it now to save us both some time?

Edit: She got her GED last year and she's actively trying to do better. We've had one conversation about this so far, but it wasn't as deep as I wouldve liked.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. I. travel for 2 weeks at a time for work, and then I am home for 2 weeks at a time. At first it was practically everyday that I was home that we had sex, but the past year or so has been I would say twice on average (maybe closer to once) in those 2 weeks that I’m home. So 1-2 times a month that we have sex. And I always have to initiate. She almost never says no, but used to often initiate, now VERY rarely does. Which makes me worry about seeming pushy. Would you say this normal for a 2 year relationship? I don’t know it really bothers me because it seems like she is a little less interested in pretty much every way. Very rare compliments compared to the past. I get it honeymoon phase blah blah blah. But would you consider this normal? Especially asking women here. Any and all input is appreciated though. I don’t know I guess the main question is do most women want to have sex more than twice a month? Especially if they’re 23 and in only a 2 year relationship? Am I probably doing something wrong or not? I would like to add maybe I’ve gained a little weight and look a little less muscular, ( less defined abs, arms, rounder face) but maybe 15lbs at most. Likely a factor or no? My first serious relationship so I feel like I have no way of knowing.

I would like to add since I didn’t think about how irregular my schedule was and may seem confusing to some, she says and seems very content with my work schedule, hoping for something local in the future but not super urgent to her yet. I don’t think this has much to do with issue in my opinion.

Especially looking for people with similar experience. Thank you.

Hey everyone, throwaway post as my partner uses reddit.

I 21F, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 22M for almost three years. He is an amazing partner, and we have even discussed getting married and future plans. He is even coming with me for a family trip next year.

Last night when he was in the bathroom, i went onto his phone onto reddit to read those stories you always see people reacting to.

However, as soon as i opened the app, there were posts of OF models, and i was shocked. I had never used reddit before so i thought it might just be like twitter where random things show up.

Then i looked at his account. He had replied to a post. It was an OF post. at first i thought it may have been from before we were together, but it said it was from LAST MONTH. He had also dm’d one of these posters, in November last year.

Please note i have been LIVING WITH HIM since July, and we have been together since 2024.

I was shocked and felt my stomach sink. i immediately put the phone down and acted like i hadn’t seen anything.

I have had medical issues my whole life, which does affect our intimacy, but he has always been understanding if i was in too much pain or too lethargic.

I really don’t know what to do now. He is my best frien, and i moved 7 hours away from my family to live with him. Do i confront him? but what if he gets upset i went through his phone.

I really don’t know what to do.

I'm 22M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We've been together for a year, and I genuinely want this relationship to last. I love her personality, the way she thinks, her inner world, and so many little things about her. I don't want to break up with her. I want us to build a future together.

But I'm scared that, over time, I'll end up carrying both of us through life.

Right now, my girlfriend doesn't have a job, struggles to keep up with household chores, rarely socializes outside our relationship, and doesn't seem to take much initiative in building a life of her own.

I'm not expecting her to become a career woman or earn as much money as I do. I'd be perfectly happy if she had an ordinary job, some friends, her own interests, and a reasonable level of independence. I don't need her to be exceptionally ambitious. I just want to feel that we're both actively participating in our lives and our future.

We've talked about this several times. I've encouraged her to look for work and even helped her explore opportunities. I've also asked her to take more responsibility for household chores. She usually understands my concerns and agrees that things need to change, and I believe she genuinely means it. But after our conversations, things tend to return to how they were. She doesn't consistently follow through.

I know this isn't necessarily simple laziness. She struggles with anxiety and emotional difficulties, and being alone or having a life outside our relationship can be hard for her. I understand that these things can affect motivation and make change difficult. I've also noticed some recent improvements, so I don't believe she's incapable of moving forward.

I love her, and I want to support her. But I'm struggling to understand where supporting someone ends and becoming responsible for their entire life begins.

I'm currently working and trying to become more financially independent. I have my own goals, and I'm trying to build a better future for myself. I don't have everything figured out, but I try to take steps forward even when I'm tired or unmotivated.

I want her to have that same sense of ownership over her life.

My biggest fear is that I'll eventually become responsible for practically everything: earning money, making plans, managing the household, solving problems, and keeping our future on track. If I want a comfortable life, I worry that I'll have to earn enough to compensate for everything she doesn't do.

Even if I became financially successful, I worry that I'd still feel alone in the responsibility of making our life work.

I don't want to be someone's parent. I want to be someone's partner.

To be clear, I'm not demanding an exact 50/50 split of income or household responsibilities. Relationships aren't always equal in that way. If my partner were struggling, I'd gladly support her. What scares me is temporary support gradually becoming a permanent arrangement in which I'm responsible for both of us, while she has little responsibility for herself.

I also want her to have a life outside our relationship. I'd like her to have friends, personal interests, goals, and experiences that don't always involve me. I want her to be able to pursue her own desires, make decisions independently, and eventually manage her own money and responsibilities.

Not because I want to distance myself from her, but because I want us to be two independent people choosing to share our lives, rather than one person becoming the center of the other's entire existence.

The difficult part is that I love her as she is. I don't want to change her personality or force her to become someone she's not. I don't think she's a bad person because she struggles, and I don't expect her to transform overnight.

But I also believe that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're compatible in the way you approach responsibility and the future.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I became financially successful while she stayed exactly as she is now. Would I spend my life compensating for everything she doesn't do? Would I eventually become resentful? Would I feel trapped by a situation I had willingly accepted?

I've even considered the possibility of living separately while remaining in a relationship, if that eventually became necessary for us to have more independence. I don't want to use that as a threat or punish her. I just don't want to reach a point where staying together means putting my own future on hold or becoming responsible for every aspect of hers.

I'm also afraid of hurting her by bringing this up. I struggle to express myself clearly during difficult conversations, and I'm worried that frustration might make me say something harsher than I intend. But avoiding the conversation isn't helping either of us.

I want to encourage her without constantly pushing her. I want to support her without becoming her personal manager. Most importantly, I want to see that she genuinely wants to participate in her own life and our shared future, even if her progress is slow.

I'd appreciate honest opinions, including criticism of my perspective. I know you're only hearing my side, and I may have blind spots.

I'm especially interested in practical advice from people who've been in similar relationships: how did you encourage your partner to become more independent without constantly managing their responsibilities? What boundaries helped you support someone you love without gradually becoming responsible for their entire life?

I want this relationship to work. I'm trying to understand how to build a future together without becoming the only person responsible for getting us there.

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and want a future with her, but she struggles to take initiative with work, household responsibilities, and building a life outside our relationship. I understand that she has emotional difficulties, and I want to support her without becoming responsible for everything. How can I encourage her independence while maintaining healthy boundaries?

I used to talk to this guy for hours, and he was always so sweet to me. We had a really nice connection, and I genuinely enjoyed talking to him. But suddenly, things changed. Sometimes he doesn’t reply to my messages, and other times he’s just like he used to be in person. He also jokes around with me, but sometimes his jokes feel a little too harsh. He usually apologizes afterward, but I can’t help wondering if there’s some truth behind them.
I remember him telling me about another girl he didn’t really reply to, and now I’m scared I’m becoming that girl without even realizing it. I’m worried that maybe my messages annoy him, but I don’t know because he can still be really sweet to me sometimes.
I’ve tried asking him about it, too. I told him that his messages had started feeling dry, but he avoided the conversation, so I never got a clear answer, and nothing really changed.
The truth is, I don’t want to lose him. I miss how things used to be, and I don’t know whether he’s losing interest, going through something, or if I’m overthinking everything.
Guys, if you suddenly change the way you act toward a girl you used to enjoy talking to for hours, why would you do that? And if you were losing interest, would you still act sweet in person?

I (28F) met my boyfriend (29M) through seasonal work at a resort in a small mountain town, about an hour away from the nearest larger city. We’ve been together for about eight months, and while I really enjoy our relationship, I’m starting to have some serious concerns about his financial situation and how it’s affecting me.
A few months into our relationship, we planned a three-week road trip that included camping, national parks, and a few major cities. We discussed the cost beforehand, and I estimated we’d each need around $3,000 for the trip. He never expressed any concerns about being able to afford it.
About a week into the trip, he told me he’d run out of money. I ended up covering most of his expenses for the remainder of the trip, and by the time we got home, he owed me around $1,000. He eventually paid me back in installments, but it was frustrating because I felt like this could have been avoided with better planning or communication.
Shortly after we returned, he became fed up with our job and walked out. He found another position that technically pays more per hour, but he no longer has access to the overtime or benefits he had at our previous job.
Not long after that, his car was repossessed.
We live in a very small town where grocery stores, shopping, and most activities require a significant drive. I have a car, so suddenly I felt like his transportation had become my responsibility. He tried to put a positive spin on the situation, saying that without a car payment or insurance, he’d be able to save more money.
About a month ago, I booked a birthday cruise with my parents. He wanted to come along and assured me he could afford it, so I booked his ticket and he reimbursed me.
Unfortunately, the same thing happened again. While we were on the cruise, he ran out of money, and I ended up covering his expenses until he could pay me back afterward.
Now, his current job has started cutting his hours, and I’ve recently learned that he has no savings and no established credit. He also refuses to get a credit card.
What concerns me most is that we’d previously discussed taking a few weeks off between seasonal jobs, moving across the country together, and signing a lease at our next destination. I’m now realizing that none of that is financially realistic for him. Without savings or credit, I would likely be the one responsible for securing the apartment and taking on the financial risk of the lease.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that earlier in our relationship, he told me he owned a home in California. Naturally, I assumed that meant he had some financial stability or possibly rental income. I later found out that he doesn’t actually own the home. He expects to inherit it when his mother passes away.
I want to be clear that I don’t expect my partner to be wealthy or make a certain amount of money. I understand that seasonal work can be unpredictable, and people go through financial struggles. What bothers me is the repeated lack of planning, the assurances that he can afford things when he clearly can’t, and the fact that I’m increasingly being put in situations where I have to cover for him financially.
We’ve only been together for eight months, and I’m already feeling like I’m taking on responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine. I’m financially independent, and I’ve worked hard to put myself in a position where I can travel, save, and enjoy my life without constantly worrying about money.
I care about him, but I’m starting to wonder whether we’re simply at different stages in life or if these are signs of a much bigger problem.
I am reconsider the relationship over this. Is this something that can realistically improve, or am I setting myself up to become financially responsible for another adult?

I (35f) am a professional circus artist and one of the few high-level performers in my town on a very specific apparatus. Mandy (33f) sought me out to be her teacher for the last year on the same apparatus, and is a beginner/advanced beginner. We live in a city where there are very few performers with this discipline. An event company that runs a show every few months has booked me for every one and the organizer told me directly that I’m one of his residency (consistent go-to) performers. In April, I got sick before one of the shows and asked Mandy to sub for me. She did well and it went great.

This morning, I got the company’s newsletter announcing the October show and Mandy has taken my place. She never told me - I found out from the email.

In the circus world, if you sub for someone’s regular spot and the venue asks you back, you check in with the performer you covered for to have a discussion or pass the job back to them. The organizer isn’t a circus person and can hire whoever he wants which is within his right, but that's why this performer etiquette exists since it's a slippery slope to undercutting other performers without clear/respectful communication. She did none of that.

I texted her about this and she apologized profusely, said she had no idea it was a residency and that in her background as a musician, it’s a "free-for-all" and no one educated her on that, and asked how I’d like her to proceed. Then she messaged again back tracking, saying she already committed to this job and backing out would be unprofessional, but she’d let me know about other gigs she hears of.

I told her to go ahead with October and asked her to send the organizer my way if he contacts her again. I said I find it hard to believe she didn’t know to check in - if she subbed for her own music teacher at a venue they perform at, she would just... take their spot without checking in? I can understand if she was an accountant or had a 9-5 job, but she's a gig worker. She's been my go-to person to sub for me in my regular weekly classes I teach in this discipline, but I don't really want her do that anymore or even teach her at all because this broke my trust a bit.

I'm not aching for performance opportunities and am ok without this one, but it's the lack of etiquette and consideration that seriously bothers me here. I hesitate posting here because not a lot of people outside of the circus world would understand the etiquette here (especially between teacher and student). Part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh since she apologized and the organizer can book anyone. But she only met him because I sent her, and I find it hard to believe she "had no idea" how to handle this.

So this is first relationship for me and for my gf. We are 4 months into therelationship. I like her a lot and I would say that the feeling are mutual. The problem is, as she says, I'm too quite when we are alone. I know this, our conversation will go like this. We would greet each other, probably hug and then start talking about what happend in our today, and she would talk a lot, and I would share what happend to me but after that, I got no idea what to talk about, we would cudle or maybe watch something, but I dont know what to ask her. I know a lot about her, and she about me, so I'm not sure what to do. I dont have a great memory, I would need something really specific to happen to remind me of my memories so I can share them, I dont have a lot of stories to tell or I dont remember them. I'm scared she will leave me cuz I just dont know what to ask her or talk about with her.

(Sorry for the long post)

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, this last year was really tough, from January we started fighting regularly ( 1 or 2 a week) because we were really busy with work and we let our relationship fell into the same routine, we were really bored with ourselves and each other and this put a lot of stress on our relationship.

I started a new job in February and even if my position was really stressful i found a good job and i enjoyed the environment. I made some friends and i started to hang out with them after work, in June one of my coworker told me that he was quitting, that evening we hanged out because i wanted to know why, and from then our bond strengthened.

That evening he left me his ig and a couple of days later i texted him about work. From there i’ve seen him alone just one time and i had no interest in him or no clue that i was interested in me. He was NEVER inappropriate in any way and i really appreciate that. Some time passed and he invited me to stay at his chalet with his friends for the weekend, i spoke with my boyfriend and he had no problem since i trusted me and another of my (female) colleague and friend was coming too.

That evening he showed an interest for talking to me but nothing more, I supposed that since i told me i was very anxious with new people i was just being nice. At night him and his friends decided to climb up to the view on the mountain, he asked and i went with because i really like to hike, especially under the star. his friends left us behind (i was a bit slow) so for the entire trip we were alone but we just talked, he was very nice, the only strange thing was that he asked me to see the dawn, but immediately change the subject and we never did that.

The morning after, on the way home, i spoke with my friend and she said that his sister admitted that he was interested in me. At first i was very offended because i trusted him like a friend and i thought that since he saw that i wouldn’t give him a chance he was going to end our friendship (at the time he knew that i was in a relationship and that we were having trouble so i thought that he was talking advantage of that).

But nothing changed after that so i let it go, after all i don’t find anything wrong with a little crush if you are respectful of my relationship, and i didn’t tell anything to my bf because i didn’t want to make the situation weird and he was going to leave soon.
Some weeks later he invited me and the other coworkers to his goodbye party, but i don’t drink and drive so i proposed to let me and the others sleep at his place. I talked again with my boyfriend, he didn’t cheer but he didn’t have any problems with that until i wasn’t alone with him.

I accepted the invitation, we drunk together and we went at his place. Unfortunately the others didn’t feel good after drinking and wanted to go home. Some have gone their own way, but with me there were my friend (the same of before) and i needed to take her home, i asked her to let me sleep a few hours and she did, but when we woke up i didn’t feel good and she really wanted to go, so i asked my coworker to drive my car. Everything went fine but i couldn’t drive him back home and then return to my home because i wasn’t in the condition, the only thing we could do was sleeping it his place, at the time he was moving so i didn’t even had a mattress and we had to sleep on the same couch.

At the time i felt neglected by my bf, we didn’t hangout much and we were always fighting because he didn’t give me any attention.
To not make the situation worse i never told him this happened, but i have to admit that i felt something for my coworker and in the opposite situation i would feel cheated on.

How do you handle unresolved conversations when things between two people have started getting better?