I’m using a throwaway account because she has Reddit.

My girlfriend is away for the next two or three weeks, visiting friends. She’s only been gone for a couple of days, and everything has been fine until last night. She mentioned going out with one of her girlfriends, which I didn’t mind since she’s there to visit her friends. I appreciated that she told me the name of the place and who she was going with. A couple of hours later, I hadn’t heard from her, which wasn’t a big deal, so I checked her location. It was getting late, and I wanted to see if she made it back to where she was staying.

When I checked her location, I noticed she was at a completely different place than where she had said she was going. I didn’t want to panic or accuse her of anything, so I texted her to check in and ask about the venue. She immediately texted me back, asking how I knew she was there and then called me.

I’ll give credit where it’s due because as soon as she called, she admitted that they had changed their plans at the last minute because the venue they had initially chosen closed sooner than expected. That made sense. Then, without knowing at the time, I asked how her how her friend was doing, and that’s when she got really quiet on the phone for a minute before telling me that she hadn’t gone out with her girlfriend at all. Instead, she had met up with one of her male friends and they were hanging out for the night.

I’m not entirely against having friends of the opposite gender; it doesn’t bother me. I have a few female friends, but I wouldn’t go out with them one-on-one, especially at night or without being very upfront with my girlfriend if I did. However, she did the exact opposite and lied about her whereabouts and her companion.

As of this morning, she’s been unusually attentive to her phone, which is out of character for her. She spammed me in the morning with a bunch of different things, including photos from her trip so far, affirmations, and a few other things that are honestly out of character for her, especially via the phone. I can’t help but feel like she might be overcompensating for something.

I’m genuinely curious and would appreciate your input. I’d like to hear both male and female perspectives on this situation and how you might handle it if your partner did the same.

I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 17 and 18. We’re now 27 and 28, with a beautiful 2.5-year-old daughter. I have spent essentially my entire adult life with this man. At one point, I was working in banking, making my own money, and had some sense of independence. Now, I have absolutely nothing.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, something my partner encouraged and glorified. He makes well over $150k a year, and the idea was that he would provide financially while I stayed home and raised our daughter. But somewhere along the way, I lost every bit of independence I had.
My car went out, and I haven’t gotten another one. I don’t have my own income. I don’t have savings. I don’t have money to my name unless he gives it to me. I’m 27 years old, and I can’t even get in a car and go somewhere on my own without asking to use his. The scariest part is realizing that if I wanted to leave tomorrow, I genuinely don’t know how I would.
I have no financial foundation to fall back on. No transportation. No idea how I’d afford a place to live, childcare, or even the basic necessities while trying to get back on my feet. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I don’t regret being home with her for a second. But I am starting to feel like I’ve sacrificed my entire identity and independence in the process. I also don’t want to leave and lose custody of my daughter to him because of what I don’t have. I’m just sad and scared. I never imagined I’d reach this age and feel so helpless. I thought we were building a life together. I thought being a stay-at-home mom and having a partner who provided meant security. Instead, I feel completely dependent on another person for my survival.
And emotionally, I’m struggling more than I can put into words. There’s been a lot of cheating, getting another woman pregnant, simply emotional torment. I’m scared that if I stay in this situation, it will destroy me. My nerves are so shot and my energy is drained.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I’m not looking for someone to tell me to “just leave.” I wish it were that simple. I’m looking for genuine advice from women or even men who have been here.
How did you rebuild your life when you had no money, no transportation, and a child to care for? How did you find work, secure housing, and become independent again?
I feel like I’m starting from absolutely nothing at 27, and I don’t know how to find my way out. I’m just looking for guidance so I can begin rebuilding a life of my own.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read & especially respond.

Sorry for using the term partner, we always say that so I typed it naturally. Just to clarify, we are not married or even engaged. He’s just my boyfriend.

I (28F) met my boyfriend (29M) through seasonal work at a resort in a small mountain town, about an hour away from the nearest larger city. We’ve been together for about eight months, and while I really enjoy our relationship, I’m starting to have some serious concerns about his financial situation and how it’s affecting me.
A few months into our relationship, we planned a three-week road trip that included camping, national parks, and a few major cities. We discussed the cost beforehand, and I estimated we’d each need around $3,000 for the trip. He never expressed any concerns about being able to afford it.
About a week into the trip, he told me he’d run out of money. I ended up covering most of his expenses for the remainder of the trip, and by the time we got home, he owed me around $1,000. He eventually paid me back in installments, but it was frustrating because I felt like this could have been avoided with better planning or communication.
Shortly after we returned, he became fed up with our job and walked out. He found another position that technically pays more per hour, but he no longer has access to the overtime or benefits he had at our previous job.
Not long after that, his car was repossessed.
We live in a very small town where grocery stores, shopping, and most activities require a significant drive. I have a car, so suddenly I felt like his transportation had become my responsibility. He tried to put a positive spin on the situation, saying that without a car payment or insurance, he’d be able to save more money.
About a month ago, I booked a birthday cruise with my parents. He wanted to come along and assured me he could afford it, so I booked his ticket and he reimbursed me.
Unfortunately, the same thing happened again. While we were on the cruise, he ran out of money, and I ended up covering his expenses until he could pay me back afterward.
Now, his current job has started cutting his hours, and I’ve recently learned that he has no savings and no established credit. He also refuses to get a credit card.
What concerns me most is that we’d previously discussed taking a few weeks off between seasonal jobs, moving across the country together, and signing a lease at our next destination. I’m now realizing that none of that is financially realistic for him. Without savings or credit, I would likely be the one responsible for securing the apartment and taking on the financial risk of the lease.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that earlier in our relationship, he told me he owned a home in California. Naturally, I assumed that meant he had some financial stability or possibly rental income. I later found out that he doesn’t actually own the home. He expects to inherit it when his mother passes away.
I want to be clear that I don’t expect my partner to be wealthy or make a certain amount of money. I understand that seasonal work can be unpredictable, and people go through financial struggles. What bothers me is the repeated lack of planning, the assurances that he can afford things when he clearly can’t, and the fact that I’m increasingly being put in situations where I have to cover for him financially.
We’ve only been together for eight months, and I’m already feeling like I’m taking on responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine. I’m financially independent, and I’ve worked hard to put myself in a position where I can travel, save, and enjoy my life without constantly worrying about money.
I care about him, but I’m starting to wonder whether we’re simply at different stages in life or if these are signs of a much bigger problem.
I am reconsider the relationship over this. Is this something that can realistically improve, or am I setting myself up to become financially responsible for another adult?

I’ll call my (27F) bf Ben (30M) for the purposes of this post. We’ve been dating for 5 months.

Since we’ve been dating, all my friends (male and female 25-33) he’s met think there’s something wrong with him. It’s either that he’s antisocial (he doesn’t talk much in groups and he’s just not very big into humour, and me and my friends are), or he’s controlling (he picks me up from places rather than me taking cabs, and he bought me a home security system), or intimidating, or we don’t have enough in common (is he supposed to like shopping and Pilates?). They also have an issue that he boxes quite often (not professionally), they think that’s a sign he’s physically aggressive. 

Everyone in my life says Ben seems “intense”. Which ok, that one is fair. But I like that about him. I like that he’s ambitious, and serious. Yes he’s different to me but I like that, and I’ve always liked that. I don’t want someone who talks all the time or has to be the centre of attention. 

I really like him. He’s incredibly intelligent, and attentive, and since the day I met him any time I have a problem he’s gone out of his way to help. And then everyone turns around and calls it love bombing and I feel embarrassed for even thinking he cares. 

I don’t want to be that girl who says everyone’s wrong about it and it’s turns out the red flags were there all along. But on the other hand I’m sick of everything hangout becoming an intervention because my boyfriend doesn’t “fit in”. 

Are friends normally right about this kind of thing? Does he sound completely weird? Is it weird that I don’t feel like he’s strange? Am I expecting too much of my friends by thinking they should keep their opinions to themselves? Am I being really naive to concerning behaviour? 

TLDR; my friends think my boyfriend is all wrong for me, but I don’t think they’re being fair. But I am scared I’m blind to something that they see. 

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and overall things are fantastic. Communication is great in other areas, her emotional intelligence is wonderful, and sex is fantastic.

One thing that has started to become a friction point though, is that she will often give explanations for my medical issues with full conviction, but she's often either wrong or can't back up her claims. Often she's trying to give me advice, like telling me I NEED to get more sodium to resolve my chronic migraines. I just want to vent about things sometimes without receiving a lecture from someone that isn't a doctor about my own health.

When I try to correct her or shut her down, she often doubles down. When I fact check her, she acts hurt, like I've somehow insulted her. I just don't trust anyone's opinions on medical advice like that, especially not about chronic conditions I've dealt with my whole life.

I've tried explaining to her that I don't appreciate the unsolicited medical advice, especially when it may not always be accurate, but she hasn't stopped.

Can you suggest any better ways I can communicate my frustrations to her? Specifically, how can I better articulate that I don't want unqualified opinions on my health?

Edit to add: My migraines are just one facet, she does this about everything to do with health and my body. My breast developmenthas plateued (I'm transgender)? I obviously should try gel instead of injections. My new ADHD meds give me headaches? It's probably messing with my metabolic processes. It's just everything and everything. It's reminding me of a grandma or aunty telling me confidently what would definitely for sure fix my issues.

Hi, I have never used this app to write in, so please bear with me. PS I also keep getting this post removed… Please I just need advice.

I feel like I’m at a loss with my marriage. We have our son who’s 3 years old and a small town community where divorce is frowned upon, work through whatever you need to to make it work. I just need to know if what I’m going through is normal and something that can be worked through or if it’s time to call it.

Two weekends ago we left for Idaho to see my family and bury my mom’s ashes. We had already planned a weekend prior to that weekend but my husband said that he did not want to go that weekend and just relax and said let’s do it in October, so we did. As we’re driving there him and I are having a conversation but he kept making comments about how long I look for Halloween costumes on my phone and making a big deal about it. I asked to get coffee and he sighed and said that we can never just come to town and go straight to their house we always have to get coffee, so we didn’t end up getting any. He made a couple other comments that made me feel like he didn’t want to be there and I brought that up. He said if it were up to him he would be sitting at home and not driving to Idaho. That really hurt me because I have been needing this closure of burying my mom’s ashes. I kind of freaked out on him and started crying and our son noticed and he said “yep that’s what happens when you run your mouth”. And never comforted me at all. On our way back home from Idaho he kept making small comments about what I prefer and like and was negative every time. I finally asked, do you even like me? I feel like every little thing I do, you have something negative to say. Then he flipped the script on me and said I’m negative for even bringing that up and the whole way home was all about how I’m the problem, he said he doesn’t know why we work things out if we’re just going to end up divorced..

I said we need therapy, he said no. I said okay what about getting closer to god? He said idk if I believe anymore because of your miscarriage and mom dying. There’s nothing to work with anymore. I truly don’t know what to do.

He doesn’t like my work friends, he says that he hates having to be fake and pretend like they have anything interesting to say. I put in so much effort to be apart of his life, he doesn’t do the same for mine.

Everytime I bring up my feelings it’s met with how I’m the bad guy, every single time. I am never validated for how I feel. When I cry, he turns his head and doesn’t acknowledge me.

There’s so much more history but this is what’s setting me over. He doesn’t even say he wants this marriage to work out. But he says he doesn’t want a divorce?

Idk I feel so confused over the conversations we have, the things he used to put in effort for like dates and flowers, no more.

Please help!!

One of my coworkers and close friends recently got engaged and is very excited (as she should be) about wedding planning. She wants me involved in every step of the process and I honestly feel like I can't breathe. I love love and usually love weddings and planning but I just can't get over feeling incredibly jealous. She has in my eyes the perfect relationship with a man who would do anything for her and is happy essentially being a house husband. We both work pretty intense jobs. I have had multiple relationships crash and burn because I "work too much" or am "too ambitious" and honestly feel lonely, frustrated, and disillusioned with dating and love. I find myself consumed with jealousy every time we hang out which is genuinely a new emotion for me. I have great friends, am doing well in my job, and am actively seeing a guy (though I don't think he is the one). I'm doing fine on paper- I'm good at my job, I'm dating a guy who is nice but probably not the one, etc. I just can't shake the overall feeling of being unhappy and being around this friend greatly intensifies it. It's gotten to the point where I make excuses not to see her and muted her on instagram so I don't have to see the endless stream of instagram content. I know this is a me issue. I'm in therapy. I just don't know how to handle things going forward. I feel like I'll hurt her feelings if I withdraw but I also can't keep showing up to things and smiling right now (or I guess technically I can but it's painful).

Tldr, we have been together for over 7 years in our relationship but a couple of days ago my partner has asked if we could go on a break (uncertain on length) as she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore. I feel absolutely crushed as I didn't even get a chance to try see if we could work it out together , is this something normal?

idk how to even feel about this, my anxiety has never been as bad as this before as she doesn't want to talk to me at the moment. has anyone gone through something similar like this?

As the title says, my bf is very bothered by the fact that penetration doesn’t feel good for me. He says that he wants us to enjoy sex equally, which I’ve told him just isn’t possible. I can’t orgasm from penetration, and I’m okay with that!!! He’s great at oral, and even if I don’t cum I don’t really care. I’ve tried to explain that I enjoy sex for the emotional aspect, as well as the motions and just the activity itself, and that my goal isn’t to just cum. He says that he agrees, and he’s of the same opinion, but that he wants penetration to feel as good for me as it does for him. The problem is, I just don’t think that’s possible. It’s not that he’s not endowed, some positions actually hurt cuz it’s too deep for me. Is there any other things to try that could make penetration better for me that isn’t clitoral stimulation?

EDIT: the biggest issue he has is not understanding why I even want to have sex if it’s not physically pleasurable

I was seeing someone (F, 31) not for very long, just shy of a month. But it was the best connection I’ve had in my life. We were talking for hours on the phone many nights of the week when we weren’t going on dates. I felt completely seen for the first time in my life. She had all these tender, gentle ways of showing affection. She seems to just look at me and know everything I needed and wanted without me ever having to say a word. One time I started the spiral from anxiety and she just grabbed the sides of my face and… she knew everything to say, and I was right as rain. She’d hold my hands like it was a worry stone, pressing her fingers into my palm, turning it over like she was committing it to memory. I’ve never had anything like that before. Such natural, gentle affection.

Tuesday before last we had dinner plans. I had been anxious from the night before and I take a prescribed medication to manage it that I’d only ever taken at night. I had a lot of panic attacks that came at night because of some things that happened at night with an abusive ex. I had made special plans at the restaurant. She had been telling me the night before how a rose I gave her had wilted. I planned for roses to be at the table when we got there for dinner. It wasn’t a big deal. We weren’t like celebrating anything. But I didn’t want to be anxious for dinner. I wanted to do something special for her and to show up steady for her. So that day I took my anxiety medicine at 11am so I’d be rested and panic free by dinner. It made me really sleepy and I thought I’d lay down for a bit. Last thing I remember is she texted me something.

At 2am I woke up convinced I’d slept through our date, my head was pounding. I felt like I was drunk. I was really confused and frighted. I was fully dressed in the clothes I planned to wear to dinner, which is strange cause I had laid down wearing just a T-shirt and shorts. I scrambled to text her an apology and that’s when I saw it. I had been texting her all day. Really needy pushy texts that were embarrassing and hard to read for me. That same afternoon she had replied with a frustrated text and had told me she needed space. I didn’t know what was happening. I called 988 in a panic. In the morning, I called my doctor, my mother who’s a nurse, and I talked to my psychiatrist for a hour.

What my psychiatrist told me happened was I had a paradoxical reaction to the medication. Instead of calming me down, it did the opposite. I had disinhibition, spiraled, I lost most of the day. And now I have amnesia. I had no idea the medication could even do any of this. The doctor figures that I was sleeping through all the ill effects since I was only ever taking it at night before bed. Also said that I hadn’t taken it in a while, so it affected me really strongly.

Most of what I was able to figure out happened during the day I had to piece together via evidence around my house. Some standout examples include: I opened every crystal light packet in my kitchen and left them on the counter unused. I ate 4 lb tub of peanut butter. I stacked all the wooden items from my desk, including a tape dispenser and a stapler like they were wooden blocks under the desk. I wrote nonsense into a work project. I sent dream like messages I have no memory of. I immediately stopped the medication and I’m switching providers.

I explained all of this to her and apologized for how I acted. I wasn’t trying to excuse myself from it. I wanted to be clear that I need to be accountable for how I acted. That I was deeply embarrassed, and when she was finished needing space that I could answer more. She didn’t talk to me for several days and I assumed she was just taking the space that she asked for. I called her and it went straight to voicemail. I reached out to her on Instagram, and she told me how I was a terrible liar. She said that I didn’t do anything wrong and she didn’t care about how I acted, but she thought I’d made up the explanation, and the lie was a huge red flag.

I didn’t lie. I offered her everything, the bottle, the prescription, the doctor’s notes from the next day, a call with my mom, the insane time stamped messages I had sent to my workstation throughout the day, I even offered my phone completely unlocked for her to go through. She said “I’ll pass.” Then she blocked me on Instagram.

The irony is that she had once called me drunk and didn’t remember an hour long conversation with me. I had to tell her about it the next day. I never held any of it against her. I just gave her grace. I’m not pretending she’s a perfect person, I’m certainly not. She and I had both been recently divorced in the last year or two, and I knew we were going through a lot of the same things, and I was just happy to be spending time with her. But then the one time something happened to me that I couldn’t control, I didn’t get any of that grace back.

I’m respecting the blocks. I’m not going to contact her through anyone or anything else. But I can’t stop replaying it. I did everything an honest person would do, and to her it still looked like a cover story. The ex that abused me gaslit me really badly for years. I’m not a very good liar, and I feel so uncomfortable with lying that I generally don’t. I feel like lying on even a small scale is doing to other people what was done to me. So she broke up with me for being a liar when I was telling her the absolute truth. And if I had just played it off and lied we’d still be together.

Has anyone been on either side of something like this? Do people ever come back around after deciding you lied? And how do you stop needing them to know the truth?

TL;DR: I had a documented bad reaction to my prescribed medication and blacked out for most of a day. She thinks I invented the explanation, turned down all my proof, and blocked me everywhere. I didn’t lie, and I don’t know how to let it go.

Hi, to all the readers, please no judgement. I'm 22F and my husband is 29M. We've been married for 4 years and have an infant together. I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart and starting to wonder what life would be without him.

He's a great husband. But a terrible father.

Let me explain: he's the type of guy that wants babies like children want puppies. He was happy to help for the first two weeks, then dipped. Returned to his hobbies and work schedule and stopped helping. For that reason alone, I'm starting to wonder what life would be without him. I keep wondering how easy life would be if I just take care of my son and I. There would be less work for me.

I don't think he's willing to change either. I'm scared...

Scared of having a conversation. I want to give my son a sibling, but I can't. I can't have another child with this man. I'm so conflicted. I love him as a husband but hate him as a father. What are your thoughts and advice?

TLDR: My husband and I have a baby together. He wants another child but I can't do it again. I'm basically living the single married mom life. He's a great husband, but a terrible father. He never helps out with the baby, only when I have to ask 10,000 times. Now I'm dreaming of a life without him and I'm scared of that reality.

for years, his hygiene routine has been good. sometimes he had a musty smell after sweating a lot, but never repulsive. within the last 4-6 weeks, his breath and body smell repulsive to me. i thought it was because he wasn’t washing properly, but he does his same routine. he even brushed his teeth and immediately came to kiss me and it only lightly dampened the smell

last month my husband was diagnosed with fatty liver and high cholesterol. he is definitely overweight and has been sorta trying to eat better and exercise (admittedly, he still overeats and spends hours stagnant). i saw some stuff that these specific issues can cause someone’s smell to change. that would be the only cause i can think of. i am not pregnant. the only medical issues i’ve had recently are enterocolitis and appendicitis. but the smells started way before those issues started

has someone experienced something similar? like your own scent changed, or you noticed someone else’s scent changed? maybe you, or they, were diagnosed with a medical condition?

I’m just very curious on this subject. I’m a 35 year old with a 40 year old man. We’ve been together three years now. I crave emotional depth and intimacy in life. I’m somebody who has been through what feels like 3 different lives and I’ve settled down with my partner and I do love him very much but I feel a little like I’m yearning for something more.

In our relationship we have the standard come home, perform our housely duties, have sex, and usually he goes on his phone and looks at sports stats and follows phish tours. I have been dying for more intimacy, if I bring this up it’s kind of brushed to the side and a joke is made. If I bring up getting more spicy in bed it’s the same. When I talk about my feelings it’s one sided.

He is present every night in the home, I don’t believe he would cheat, he splits the nightly duties with me, and on paper is great. But I am always craving more. We are in this life literally once in this timeline, and to me making close connections and bonds is, to me, the most important part of life. I also crave transparency and he tells me I don’t need to know everything about him.

Honestly it’s like I’m always throwing the ball to him when we talk and instead of throwing it back, he places it on the ground and walks away.

I’m asking in this forum what emotional intimacy means to men? I know everyone is different and I want to feel grateful for what I have but it’s hard sometimes. I try to keep the humor alive but I struggle when I feel as though he has no curiosity to my inner world.

What is the actual point of a romantic relationship if this bond isn’t formed? It’s like having a roommate you can sleep with.

I'm 22M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We've been together for a year, and I genuinely want this relationship to last. I love her personality, the way she thinks, her inner world, and so many little things about her. I don't want to break up with her. I want us to build a future together.

But I'm scared that, over time, I'll end up carrying both of us through life.

Right now, my girlfriend doesn't have a job, struggles to keep up with household chores, rarely socializes outside our relationship, and doesn't seem to take much initiative in building a life of her own.

I'm not expecting her to become a career woman or earn as much money as I do. I'd be perfectly happy if she had an ordinary job, some friends, her own interests, and a reasonable level of independence. I don't need her to be exceptionally ambitious. I just want to feel that we're both actively participating in our lives and our future.

We've talked about this several times. I've encouraged her to look for work and even helped her explore opportunities. I've also asked her to take more responsibility for household chores. She usually understands my concerns and agrees that things need to change, and I believe she genuinely means it. But after our conversations, things tend to return to how they were. She doesn't consistently follow through.

I know this isn't necessarily simple laziness. She struggles with anxiety and emotional difficulties, and being alone or having a life outside our relationship can be hard for her. I understand that these things can affect motivation and make change difficult. I've also noticed some recent improvements, so I don't believe she's incapable of moving forward.

I love her, and I want to support her. But I'm struggling to understand where supporting someone ends and becoming responsible for their entire life begins.

I'm currently working and trying to become more financially independent. I have my own goals, and I'm trying to build a better future for myself. I don't have everything figured out, but I try to take steps forward even when I'm tired or unmotivated.

I want her to have that same sense of ownership over her life.

My biggest fear is that I'll eventually become responsible for practically everything: earning money, making plans, managing the household, solving problems, and keeping our future on track. If I want a comfortable life, I worry that I'll have to earn enough to compensate for everything she doesn't do.

Even if I became financially successful, I worry that I'd still feel alone in the responsibility of making our life work.

I don't want to be someone's parent. I want to be someone's partner.

To be clear, I'm not demanding an exact 50/50 split of income or household responsibilities. Relationships aren't always equal in that way. If my partner were struggling, I'd gladly support her. What scares me is temporary support gradually becoming a permanent arrangement in which I'm responsible for both of us, while she has little responsibility for herself.

I also want her to have a life outside our relationship. I'd like her to have friends, personal interests, goals, and experiences that don't always involve me. I want her to be able to pursue her own desires, make decisions independently, and eventually manage her own money and responsibilities.

Not because I want to distance myself from her, but because I want us to be two independent people choosing to share our lives, rather than one person becoming the center of the other's entire existence.

The difficult part is that I love her as she is. I don't want to change her personality or force her to become someone she's not. I don't think she's a bad person because she struggles, and I don't expect her to transform overnight.

But I also believe that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're compatible in the way you approach responsibility and the future.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I became financially successful while she stayed exactly as she is now. Would I spend my life compensating for everything she doesn't do? Would I eventually become resentful? Would I feel trapped by a situation I had willingly accepted?

I've even considered the possibility of living separately while remaining in a relationship, if that eventually became necessary for us to have more independence. I don't want to use that as a threat or punish her. I just don't want to reach a point where staying together means putting my own future on hold or becoming responsible for every aspect of hers.

I'm also afraid of hurting her by bringing this up. I struggle to express myself clearly during difficult conversations, and I'm worried that frustration might make me say something harsher than I intend. But avoiding the conversation isn't helping either of us.

I want to encourage her without constantly pushing her. I want to support her without becoming her personal manager. Most importantly, I want to see that she genuinely wants to participate in her own life and our shared future, even if her progress is slow.

I'd appreciate honest opinions, including criticism of my perspective. I know you're only hearing my side, and I may have blind spots.

I'm especially interested in practical advice from people who've been in similar relationships: how did you encourage your partner to become more independent without constantly managing their responsibilities? What boundaries helped you support someone you love without gradually becoming responsible for their entire life?

I want this relationship to work. I'm trying to understand how to build a future together without becoming the only person responsible for getting us there.

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and want a future with her, but she struggles to take initiative with work, household responsibilities, and building a life outside our relationship. I understand that she has emotional difficulties, and I want to support her without becoming responsible for everything. How can I encourage her independence while maintaining healthy boundaries?

I don’t know if the title is the right word. But I’m an Indian girl, and while I’m first gen - my parents are immigrants who followed traditional gender roles.

My mom initially did not want to work but over time she wanted independence. During my tween years, she started working retail, then taking some language classes, volunteering etc. but my moms health is not great and now mainly lives at home. She’s semi-involved in her community but has no real hobbies.

My mom due to this, has always encouraged me to get a great education. So did my dad, so I got great education and now I’m in a great job.

I met my current partner during university. I love him, he’s kind and caring etc. we’re engaged atm.

But I’m sometimes uncomfortable with his parents. They’re in general nice, but there’s some things that gives me anxiety when I have to spend a lot of time with them.

Here’s a few things:

\- he and his family are white, and his parents are veryyy Christian. Although my partner doesn’t identify as religious anymore, his parents do. I will give them credit for always talking respectfully about my moms religion (she’s Hindu but my dads an atheist), but I can tell it makes them extremely uncomfortable if I bring it up.

\- his mom will constantly ask what my mom does for her free time and try to prod further and further. Like “oh she doesn’t work, then what does she do all day? What hobbies does she have?” And I’ll be like oh she loves gardening and then she will be like “oh but she can’t do that right now bc it’s cold so what does she do?” And when I’ll say she has some health issues she will try to dig deeper to what it is.

\- his mom still spells my name wrong, after 5 years and multiple corrections. My name is not that hard to spell and it’s also not an Indian name (it’s like a common Spanish name my mom thought was pretty).

\- my mom can’t drive either and she will poke questions as to why constantly

\- initially his parents wanted us break up bc they didn’t see a interfaith relationship working - should my partner ever be Christian again. My partner disagreed with them and now he’s even more atheist. I don’t think what they said was wrong but it hurts tried to discourage our relationship 😔

There’s more examples but other than these things, they’re quite nice and friendly. They invite me to family activities etc.

My dilemma? My partner wants to eventually move closer as they live states away. Since my dad works from home my parents can join me wherever I go. But I’m getting so much anxiety thinking about it. They’re very conservative and religious, and I constantly feel judged by things I do. like for example, I was talking about odyssey and they sort of engaged in it, but were saying how they initially wanted to protest their kids learning it in school.

My finance rolled his eyes and told them it’s just a story and to get over it. But like I usually stay silent bc I have no clue what to talk about if we can’t talk about things like Greek mythology.

My partner thinks his parents are flawed but still loves them which i understand. Like I wish my mom was more independent, had an education etc but I still love my mom.

Would it be okay to move closer despite being uncomfortable with those comments and behaviour? Like does it get better over time? The idea of moving close gives me so much anxiety. When we visit them they always are kind to me and go above and beyond to host us, but they talk about when my finance is away for work (he travels a lot for work) that I can hangout with them and that just 😰

TLDR uncomfortable with my partners parents responses

How can I (25F) navigate different views on attraction with my boyfriend (26M)?
My boyfriend recently told me he experienced what he described as sexual tension with a female coworker.
He explained that he felt uncomfortable making eye contact with her and couldn’t interact with her as naturally as he does with other women. He said he wished he could treat her normally but struggled to do so.
When I asked whether he was sexually attracted to her, he said no. When I asked if he felt any attraction, he answered, “Not consciously.”
During our conversation, he also explained that he believes experiencing attraction toward other people is a normal part of being in a committed relationship. From his perspective, the important distinction is whether someone chooses to act on that attraction.
I experience attraction differently. When I’m in love with my boyfriend, I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction toward other men. It’s not something I actively suppress. I simply don’t experience it.
Because of this, I’ve been struggling to understand his perspective, especially since the person involved is a coworker he may continue interacting with regularly.
Our conversation became emotional. He explained that he felt interrogated about an involuntary experience and wanted empathy rather than feeling judged. Meanwhile, I was hoping for reassurance and emotional support because the situation left me feeling hurt and insecure.
I recognize that we may genuinely experience attraction differently, and I want to find a way for us to discuss this without either person feeling dismissed.
I’m interested in hearing from couples who have navigated similar differences in how they experience attraction.
What helped you understand each other’s perspectives? How did you communicate your emotional needs and establish boundaries that worked for both partners?
I’d appreciate advice on how to approach this conversation constructively.

Hi reddit.

I really need advice and have no options left but to hear what you have to say.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) I'll refer to him as Ben, for 2 years and 6 months now, living together for 2 years.

(Little back story for context:

Ben and I met through my best friend (22F) and have been together since day one.

We used to live with my Best friend (22F) and her boyfriend (26M). We moved to our own apartment because her boyfriend was eating all of our food and never paying bills and was doing no cleaning what so ever.

Ben was not paying rent but he was helping with utilities and groceries.

)

3 months ago Ben got a new job. Up until then I have been paying for almost everything.

I have also come to realize that maybe it had never been my Best Friends boyfriend that was the problem, but mine...

Not only does he not want to clean but he wants recognition for washing 2 plates and a cup from the mountain of dishes that there are, while piling the rest on the floor.

I could get past the cleaning as I have OCD and will just clean it anyway because it bothers me. But I am not wonder woman.

I work from 7am to 5pm every day Monday to Friday. I then have a 20-40 min commute depending on traffic. To which I rush to my online class at 6pm and ends at 8pm.

Now my job is rough. I deal with people that I have to think for and do everything for and if you have ever done this, then you know it is exhausting.

Then I come home to a pile of dishes, a pile of laundry and the question "what we gonna eat tonight?".

He works a night shift job that is 2 days off 2 days on from 5:30pm to 6:30 am.

On his off days he is gaming.

I have voiced my frustrations many times but it only seems to get better for a while and then fade back to what it was.

Then getting to the weirder things..

And I honestly dont know if this is normal as I just haven't had any experiences with anyone like this before, so I am not judging.

Ben has started walking around naked. All. THE. TIME.

If he's not fully naked he's got no pants or underware on.

He's also always "scratching his balls" as he says when I'm pretty sure we all know i wouldn't be upset about you scratching your balls if you get what I'm saying.

I have talked to him about the fact that this bothers me aswell but, like before, it changed for a while and faded back somewhat less but still back.

Apart from all the bad he genuinely is a nice cool guy and I also dont want to loose him exactly but I know breaking up will allow for that to happen.

I've tried to break up before to which we fought about religion.

This ended in him stating that I need to decide now whether or not I wanna be with him because he doesn't want to carry on the relationship and I change my mind about him in the future and want to break up again.

In the moment I was unsure of what he meant. But I was scared and ultimately we just carried on with life.

But now I keep thinking back on this moment feeling like what he meant was that I wouldn't be able to leave the relationship if I didn't break up with him right then and there...

Now I keep looking back at more memories and noticing that he might be a giant manipulator.

Now I think I have subconsciously become too scared to break up with him, I have thought of everything to say but I just can't start the conversation. I feel awkward and feel that its not the right moment and what if I am making a mistake.

Now I'm slowly just getting more and more cold and fear hurting him as I am a very soft person and already feel guilty for waiting this long and waiting longer by asking for advice.

So reddit. How would you say I start this?

Me and my bf have been together almost 3.5 years. 

We moved in together at the start of this year, into his apartment. He owns the apartment, having bought it 9 years ago with help from his family, and he paid the mortgage off a few years ago. Prior to me moving in, he lived alone for a year and a half. The status-quo was that I'd move in rent free, since there was no mortgage to contribute to, and that we'd share all bills 50/50. I recognise that I am very fortunate to be in this rent-free position.

In August I left my job as I decided that I wanted to pursue setting up my own business. In September he left his job as he is spending a year retraining.
I have openly shared with him my plans for the next 6 months, in that I've got x months of runway (all my own money) before I need to start earning reliably, and my plan to earn reliably if I'm not making anything from the business (which is something we both know I can jump into easily, I've done it before whilst we've been together).

Since I left my job, he has now decided that the contribution to out living situation is unfair and unbalanced, and that I should start paying rent. He worries that he's enabling a lack of motivation and drive, or dependency on him. 

I can't wrap my head around why he wants me to start paying rent to him, particularly now that I don't have a stable income and am building a business. I thought he was just unhappy with my contribution to the relationship in general, so I started pulling my weight more by taking on more of the mental load, organising things like grocery deliveries, cleaning, and almost all of the cooking.

Turns out he still feels that the contribution is unbalanced.

The idea of just depositing some of my savings into his account makes me really feel quite uncomfortable, especially given the additional context that the wealth gap between us is quite extreme, his net worth is about 10x mine (inc the property). We are both pretty good with money, so I'm not broke by any means, just he has worked in a much better paid job than me for a long time and has also had family help by way of being able to live with them for a few years for free, and also they gave him quite a lot of money to buy the apartment in the first place.

I have suggested that rather than paying rent to him, I could contribute to a home maintenance pot, so if anything goes wrong (like boiler needs replacing etc), then we can take the money for it out of that pot.

But he is not happy with this arrangement, he thinks that I should just pay him rent as if he were my landlord and he can spend it how he likes. I know I am incredibly lucky to have my current situation of no rent so if I have to start paying some rent to him then I will do, it just makes me feel quite uncomfortable. 

Part of me would rather pay full rent to a landlord than half rent to him.  I don't think that he will renege on this, so has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can become more comfortable with this arrangement and feel less like I'm just paying to be his boyfriend? Or how I can argue the former and try and make him see that it's not as imbalanced as he says it is?

I have always said that I don’t like being lied to (not that anyone does) but I expect full honesty regarding anything.
My boyfriend has a week break from classes this week so we decided to hang out all week since we haven’t seen each other much during the past few weeks. Today, randomly in the day he tells me he’s gonna go on a few day trip with his friend 19 (M). Now, I don’t have an issue that he’s hanging out with his friend but he randomly dropped this bomb on me when we promised to hang out all week since we haven’t gotten the chance to do so. Then, he says that his mom is already there (they’re going to this beach house that his family owns) and that he’s visiting his mom and bringing his friend. I originally just got annoyed that our week got cut in half with short notice and I felt like he didn’t value our time and that his friend was more important.

But, I got over that. That’s until I found out that his mom is NOT there and that he said that to make me less mad about hanging out with his friends. He has like some delusion that I hate it when I hang out with his friends because I “tweak out”. From my point of view, he always “forgets” about our plans and then hangs out with his friends, which makes me mad since I was excited for it and he always just kinda ditches me last minute. I do admit that I don’t particularly like his friends because they have bad mouthed me before and one of them has indirectly told my bf to cheat on me. I think the lying about it and then making excuses afterwards really ticked me off.

I don’t know if i’m being sensitive and it’s not something to worry about.

I(20f) don't have any family and that makes the holidays a bit hard for me. I went no contact with my family on my 18th birthday, it was for the best but I have a deep ache to have a true family of my own.

My BF and I have been together for 2 years now and we normally just go to his family's events for the holidays. Every year though I've been struggling to enjoy the holidays. His family is very kind and are all really welcoming to me. Dispite this, I still seem to not get really down around the holidays.

I wish I just didn't have to take part in any of the festivities but it is bf's favorite holiday. I do my best to not make it my BF's problem because he has done more than enough for me, and this is an internal issue to figure out. He still picks up on my energy being off though, and it's not fair to him to have to keep repeating this every year.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can move past this?

My boyfriend and I live 2 hours apart and see each other on the weekends. I work graveyards while he works day so we already have limited calls/texts til Friday most weeks. He tends to come over and will initiate affection with the intention of sex. I am not bothered by that, but I notice it’s only during those times like he won’t caress me, kiss me, just small things. Yet he loves if I give him face kisses or do something of that sorts. During sex too like he doesn’t really kiss me as much unless I initiate. I’m starting to get pretty sad and so I told him about it and he said he “eventually does cuddle me,” (normally after or prior to sex) and says will do better. He also tends to say that what is going on at the moment is the reason he holds back (life stressor) yet this behavior is constant and the stressors change, things I would consider are always happening in everyone’s lives, so idk what to say. I don’t want to dismiss his stress but the affection keeps lacking and doesn’t seem to be natural for him but he swears he loves me. When I bring it up because this isn’t the first time he just says he’ll do better. For context we have been together for little over a year and in the beginning he was a bit more touchy in a romantic sense

I don't know how to deal with this. My girlfriend is so negative to the point where I can't praise her one bit without her listing every reason as to why her life is going to shit. She complains about everything every single day and I'm so frustrated because I try to be so positive and let her see the other side of the situation but it feels as though my efforts are a waste. I understand she's struggling, and I'm not saying I don't want her to turn to me when she's having a rough time, but it's so draining to deal with someone who refuses to give herself some grace.

I tell her she's doing a good job, I tell her she's beautiful and that I love her, but it's never enough. No matter how much reassurance I give her. It breaks my heart hearing every harsh word she says about herself because I know no matter how hard I try to fix everything going on in her life it'll never work. I just want her to take my compliments and praise and move on with her day, it's like I can't even be proud of her anymore.

I know I should have a conversation to her about It but I can't because it seems like a small thing. I don't wanna let my feelings build up suddenly and explode them at her one day and surprise her, but at the same time I know she'll dismiss me because she's just so negative about everything.

She wasn't like this before honestly like a little bit but it wasn't this bad. I've been endlessly patient I've never let her see me frustrated at her or anything and even when I was I still told her it wasn't at her. I'm the type of person to hide away when I'm upset, so I've basically only told her I'm feeling sad a handful of times when we were together.

We've never gotten into a bad argument or disagreed without finding a middle ground but this topic seems impossible to agree on simply because she won't understand that complaining about everything is so draining!! All I hear from her is one complaint after the other. I don't want her to lie to me when she feels like shit, but jeez, she won't even TRY to have a good day it seems. Maybe that's just my point of view. I'm not with her I can't see her full 24h day so I can't judge if she's trying, but all I hear from her is how terrible everything is going. It leaves me feeling helpless because I genuinely care about her and want to help but I CANT! I try to make her feel better and cheer her up but all my efforts seem like a waste. She says I'm too hopeful and positive but I'm just trying to cheer her up.

When I try to push her about her being negative she'll just say she's sorry, but I don't want her to apologise I just want her to recognise that being so pessimistic about everything will only make her more depressed. I genuinely love her from the bottom of my heart and want the best for her, but I don't know what to do. We have good days where she only complains twice and bad days where all she talks about is how terrible everything is. It gives me a sense of impending doom and that I need to immediately fix everything I can't help it. I know I'm dealing with this terribly by hiding how much it affects me to her, but I can't help it. If I have a conversation with her about it she'll dismiss me or do it again later anyways and disregarding everything I said.

I know this is a confusing read but I'm just so emotional and frustrated it's gonna be hard to understand but I'm still thankful for anyone who reads this and knows what to do or has dealt with this.

me & my partner have been together for about nine months, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it and thought everything was going really reallyy well, but a month ago she said that she has bottled stuff up that she feels she can’t communicate, even though i really try to tell her there is nothing to worry about telling me anything; breaking up w/ me and saying she doesn't know if she ever loved me..
it hit me like a truck, i had zero clue anything like this was coming & was preparing for a date night right before. i sobbing, cried to myself for like 7min there on the spot with out saying anything. i felt like i could barley speak, and that’s when she told me how she was feeling.
after some back & forth talking for an hour about things, she decided to say never mind, she just feels like she doesn't know who she is right now. had a fun date night after & she said i love you on her way out next morning.
been feelings of self consciousness around making her feel rushed w/ feelings or second guessing myself more w/ saying i love you started to come, but not distressing.
last week, after a walk around the park, said she wanted to break up. saying we are such different people & doesn't know how to communicate being herself. but i said 'we have always been so different from each other & i love that, theres nothing to worry about telling me i promise'. there was other things said I’m spacing on, but i didn't feel impacted by it at all this last time. i truly care about her & love her though. after talking for a couple hours we watching movie while drinking & smoking. i was trying not to cry as emotions crept up during a bit. she decided to spend the night. she starting holding my hand, and fully of her own accord starting to initiate sexual advances. we did very passionately. the next morning she was quiet. said she didn't know why she did that, left and said she still wants to say super close still & to hang out in the next few days.
a few days late i asked if she wanted to & replied with 'i need at least a week or so'
i said 'okay there is no rush at all :)'
this is her second serious relationship & i'd say my 3-4th. I’m just very confused & don’t know what happened. really wanting some outside advice because I’m too nervous to talk to anyone about this.
what would you do in this situation?

for context my boyfriend (22M) and I (23F) have been together for three years. the whole first year of our relationship was good, overall. we are each other’s first relationship and each other’s first loves. we fell in love easily and fast. the biggest thing that brought us together was how easily we clicked, we were instantly like best friends, always wanting to be around one another, always having nothing but fun and laughs.
however, looking back, I always sort of succumbed to his wants and needs. he never asked this of me, in fact, in more recent conversations we’ve had, he’s said that he wishes I would stop doing this. he wants me to have what I want. however, I love him and my love for him caused me to always put his wants before my own, at my own expense, and I always shoved aside my own feelings to lift his up. again, he never asked this of me. I know I placed this burden on myself.
I feel like I slowly chipped away bits and pieces of myself throughout our relationship. about a year in, he went through about a year-long bout of really bad depression/suicidal ideation. it was incredibly hard to go through at his side. of course, I stayed. despite how cruel he could at times be, despite how hard it was to try and help him through, I put his wants and needs first. I never expressed how lonely I felt. how burdened I felt to be the only thing that was keeping him alive (there were a few instances during this period where he had expressed that I was his only reason for keeping on). because I felt like his happiness, and in a big way, his life depended on my availability to him and willingness to stick with him through this, I was put under so much pressure. pressure that I bore silently, because I wanted so badly for him to be able to focus on his own well-being, and not feel the weight that I was feeling.
eventually, he did get through this, thank goodness. he came out the other end. he has bad days/periods as we all do, but he truly did get much better. he was able to get help through therapy, and through maintaining his own separate hobbies/friendships that bring him immense joy.
in this past, third year of our relationship, it’s like the tables have turned however. while it is not solely due to the pressure I felt in our relationship (there were external life factors as well), I feel like I lost a lot of control. I felt as if I had zero control over my life, over what was happening to me and around me. my mental health began to suffer, and I developed a really bad eating disorder. one that I hid from him for many months before I admitted it to him. he tried to help me, but he has never been the kind of man who reacts with empathy or a gentle touch. he was raised with an iron fist, so he reacted the same way when my mental health problems/eating disorder was brought up. he made me feel dumb for allowing such a problem to fester for so long, for me to allow it to get so bad, and for not being able to fully recover or fix it myself.
through the past few months, all we do is fight. fight about my eating habits, fight about our relationship, fight about how we keep going. he grew incredibly resentful of me during this period, and I can’t say I blame him. I was so self-occupied and struggling so much that I can’t say that I was a great partner. I barely felt like much of a person at all.
during one big fight we had, where I pushed him away, he said that I was the worst person to be with, and that I was a shitty girlfriend, and “of course, you’re the kind of person I get stuck with to be my first girlfriend”. he called me small, and weak, and dumb. truthfully, I think he was partially right. I was. but knowing that he felt that way about me, I just couldn’t take it. we broke up for a month over the summer, we needed time to cool off and give each other space.
we got back together, and since then we’ve had plenty of great moments, but also so many bad bad arguments and really hard conversations. during one argument, he berated me terribly. he called me mediocre, said my whole life was mediocre and that I had basically smashed myself down until I became nothing. again, I don’t know if I can argue with him much on that point. I did make myself incredibly small during the past year, but hearing your boyfriend of three years say all these horrible things about your character, things that he had said he has felt practically since the beginning, and just held inside because he didn’t want to be an asshole. sucks. it made me rethink the integrity of the entire three years we’ve been together. has he ever really liked me? I know he loves me. I know we are close, like friends. but he flat out said, he does not like me. he thinks me boring, small, mediocre, and nothing. how do I reconcile with that? I would never say the kinds of things he said to me to him, especially if I knew he was actively struggling with his mental health.I could never belittle and berate him like that, even if I was angry and felt it in the heat of the moment, I could never say things like that to him. yet to him, it’s as if saying all those things to him was like a release. like he had been holding back saying these things for three years. and he had been.
during one conversation we had during my birthday dinner, he said he wasn’t happy in this relationship anymore, and that he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be with me, but he couldn’t imagine me not being in his life anymore because I’m his best friend, still. I admitted that I also was quite unhappy, but I’ve never been unsure if I wanted to be with him. I was always clear that I did. knowing that he was so on the fence about even wanting to be my boyfriend after 3 years, was almost too much to bear.
I pushed him and said he had to decide if he was fully in this relationship or not. either he was going to give me full effort or we were done. he agreed to keep trying, and I can see glimmers of that effort shining through, but still, I can’t find myself feeling fulfilled.
he never did emotionally fulfill me during our time together. like I said, he has never been the most empathetic, romantic, or affirming boyfriend. I always asked him to give me more of that. (I guess I’m someone who likes words of affirmation and romantic gestures). and he could never really deliver on that. especially recently, I had to beg him to tell me what he does like about me, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to say anything positive about how he feels about me other than that I’m his best friend. and while he did say a lot of things that made me feel much better, I can’t get all the negative perceptions he holds for me out of my mind.
I’m not happy. I love him, deeply. and I find it hard to imagine the rest of my adult life without him, but I find it equally as hard to imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t even like me. the basic components of my character, he doesn’t like. it’s made me deeply insecure, and truthfully, is not helping my mental health in the slightest.
I’m anxious more often than not around him. I find myself constantly trying to appease him, and in a way, I feel like I’m both fighting myself and fighting him. fighting his negative perception of me, trying so hard to prove him wrong and be better. but that’s exhausting. I feel so stuck. I feel like I can’t just breathe and just be. I’m constantly working, and fighting, and trying extra hard to be a better partner, a better person, and a better version of myself for me. I’m constantly exhausted. not only am I really trying to recover from my eating disorder (which, I am slowly but surely getting it under control) and lick my own wounds and heal my own mental health problems, I am also trying so hard to fight against my partner’s deeply negative perception of me as both a partner and a person.
I know he loves me. but I also know he doesn’t like me. neither of us are happy. but neither of us can bear leaving.
I don’t know what to do.

This might be long so I apologize.

We’ve been together 7 months and we used to be great at the beginning sex wise but part of that I believe was because he hadn’t been intimate in over half a year before that.

For the last 4-5 months he hasn’t seemed interested in me sexually at all. Whenever I try to initiate anything he refuses and tells me to stop immediately. The only time anything intimate happens is when it is on his terms. I have brought up how upsetting it is MANY times before but he says “that’s just how it is” and leaves it at that.

Every time we do have sex which is like maybe once every week or 2 sometimes not even he will have sex and immediately flee off to do something not around me. It makes me feel used and unloved and when Ive mentioned it he said affection or being around me after we have sex isn’t something he’s into.

He will also only really have sex with me when I’m half awake in the morning and I’ve told him I don’t like it because I don’t remember half of it and can’t really enjoy it because I’m not even fully awake and he has said it’s that or nothing so I should be glad he had sex with me at all.

He also has an issue with me having an orgasm for some reason? Like every time I mention something like “hey would we be able to continue a bit longer so I can have an orgasm too” he will literally say “I don’t see the problem with you not having an orgasm.” He has one EVERY time we have sex and I haven’t had one from him in MONTHS.

I’m just very frustrated right now and I need advice because I really don’t know what to do because he doesn’t see the issue and it makes me feel used and unloved.

TLDR: doesn’t seem sexually interested, shuts down attempts at intimacy if I initiate, he distances himself after sex and says he doesn’t want to be near me afterwards, only really has sex with me while I’m half awake which I’ve expresses I don’t enjoy, has an issue with/will not let me have an orgasm

Sorry for such a long post I’m just so lost and confused and I love him but this is getting so frustrating and I’m almost at my breaking point