I am 32, single, childless. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I have a 6 figure remote job but it makes me feel dead inside. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way - I know so many people would be so happy to have this job.

I don't know if I want a partner. I always thought that I did, but recent trends have made me feel differently. I recently went out to dinner with my parents that are still married. My dad ordered a soup. My mom asked to try it. He screamed "no" at her because "it would be weird." I got so triggered. He has been so awful to her over the years in small ways like that. He has had cancer and spine problems and she has taken such amazing care of him over the years. She drove him 75 minutes to chemo every fucking day for 4 months at a time. And then he says shit like that to her when we are out to dinner. It makes me so angry and makes me never want to get married.

But I've always wanted kids. Idk if I can afford that on a 135k salary in eastern Massachusetts alone. I will never be able to buy a house alone.
I just have no idea what I'm doing. I could use advice. <3

I am asking people who habitually host.

I am NOT asking those who are usually the attendees! Thanks for your insight, but I am not asking you.

Yall know who you are 😂 and yeah yeah yeah we allll need therapy i got it

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Im a planner. I like to host or plan things like, a party, dinner party, going to an activity together, drives together etc. I like planning, organizing, cooking, hosting etc.

After the pandemic, I noticed so many peoples mental health and energy has been scrambled. They both complain about being lonely and dont show up for their friends in the same breath. I went through a phase where I only did things alone from the dissapointment of the flakes, but Ive learned to redirect my energy towards people who are reciprocal. I dont need them to host back, I just dont like flaky people.

My questions are these for fellow type-a ish planners:

How have you found your balance between hosting/befriending and keeping your mental health well?

What specific messages have helped you to manage your expectations?

When you feel overwhelmed in the moment from dissapointment?

☆☆

Some tips that helped me (although it turns some personalities off, but thats ok because it helps me 'weed' out!), is saying, "Hey the event im having is [date and time]. If I dont hear back by [this other date] I'll assume you arent coming. Hope to see you make it, and no worries if you cant!

I also try things out with a rotation of people, and give people a few chances and not be impatient. But when I notice a pattern I recognize it and move accordingly. One friend who is dear to me will never show up to a thing on time. So i let her know if something is happening, (because i still want to see her!) But I dont expect her to come, and dont "plan" for her to come. That helps keep my expectations at bay.

Persons who give me a consistent vibe of "ohh, im doing this other thing and may come to yours after/who else is gonna be there" i call like fan vibes, ive just learned not to extend invitations to them but still cordial with them in person as an acquaintance.

Question is in the title.

I feel somewhat “expert” in processing grief for losing people as I’ve had more than my share of family and friends who have passed away.

However I am finding it really difficult to process grief for the life I wanted.

At this point in time, there is legitimately no way it will ever happen.

I married early and planned for a big family, but after illness and death of first husband, financial catastrophes that were completely out of my control, second husband that I am in love with but who cannot get me pregnant and many failed IVF processes, it’s just not going to happen. It literally feels like there is some big bad person actively trying to screw me over for years. I am exhausted and sad.

I’m tired of feeling depressed, stuck, and surrounded by negativity. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just existing instead of actually living.

I want to make some serious changes. I want to feel excited about life again, become more confident, meet different kinds of people, and stop feeling like my past and my environment define who I am.

I’ve heard enough about exercise, eating healthy, therapy, meditation, journaling, gratitude, and going for walks (I am doing all of them).

I want to hear about the weird, unconventional, drastic, or unexpected things that genuinely changed your life.

I understand that things like life circumstances, emotional issues, and personal capacity can get in the way of a relationship. But I’ve always believed that when you love someone, there’s a desire to work through those things individually and/or together, even when it’s difficult, in order to not lose the connection.

So how can someone genuinely love you but still not be willing or able to commit?

Sometimes I wonder if it’s really love, or if the person is just too emotionally immature to work through their issues. Perhaps they simply don’t want to or would prefer to lose you than to step out of their comfort zone. Which again, doesn’t make sense for me because how can you let love go like that? Lol

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. How do you make sense of this? Has this happened to you?

How do you navigate being a bridesmaid when the financial expectations feel unreasonable, especially when it’s one of your closest friends? My best friend is getting married next summer and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the costs.

The wedding is in remote location (100% of guests have to travel here), requiring flights, a rental car (the nearest airport is an hour away), and accommodations at a specific hotel where rooms start at $400/night. None of these expenses are being covered.

On top of that, there’s a bachelorette celebration expected to cost around $300. Between everything, I’m looking at spending well over $2k, which is more than I’m comfortable with.

I love my friend and want to support her, but I’m struggling with how to approach this without creating tension. I also wonder whether wedding expectations have gotten a little out of hand, particularly when couples choose expensive, remote venues and expect their bridal parties to absorb all the costs.

For those who’ve been in similar situations, how did you handle it? Is it reasonable to skip the bachelorette or find alternative accommodations?

I don’t want money to affect a close friendship, but I also think it’s important to have financial boundaries.

I’m 39F. I don’t know if it’s just getting older, but I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling well-rested. It’s the constant grind of work, commuting, kids, the house, cooking, shopping, life admin. I don’t sit down when I come home from work because my day would just end there.

But every morning, I wake up exhausted. (All my bloods are fine and I sleep 8 hours on average)

How do you ladies power through?

EDIT: seems like I’m in (good) company. I thought I was the only one. I have been tested for sleep apnoea recently for the exact reason I wrote this post. Wishing you all the best 💪

I’ve just turned 30. I’m generally a very content person, but I’m in a bit of a tough spot at the moment. Everything’s up in the air and I’m not sure where it all lands. Would love to hear about how everyone’s 30s have panned out :)

I could do with some inspiration.

My ex died a few weeks ago. We parted ways six years ago and things were going overall well. I had moved on in a healthy way.

I was in my 20s when we were together and thankfully have grown.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was young.

It’s brought up so damn much. I have had so many thoughts and feelings. It’s exhausting. Naturally I have thought of what ifs. I was planning to see him sometime next year as he lives in a different country and was looking forward to a reunion. The other week I kept thinking how I am so glad this is not my problem. I feel so much pain for his friends and family. This week I am sad I’ll never see him again and sad he didn’t get more life.

The only reason I’m thinking about him this much is because he’s dead. And it’s so overwhelming. I know I mattered to him at a time but our stories went different ways. I even feel stupid having this grief. But I imagine if the situation was reversed he’d feel pain.

I feel so alone with this grief cause it’s my ex. It’s not a parents or family member or even a friend. Crap, I am a teacher and lost a student- I could find folks to relate.

His friend posted about how they hoped he’d fund his better half one day- I feel guilt I couldn’t be that and that I was such a mess when I was younger. But also I’ve been searching for the same thing.

I booked a therapy session next week.

I’ll take any advice or words of wisdom. I’m losing my mind.

Tagged as “life” because idk what else this falls under. I’m 29. I cannot figure out how to have a purse that meets my needs. I have all my little necessities (phone, wallet, keys, gum, etc) that I want to carry with me whenever I go into a place, I’ll call these Needs. But I have things like a multi-pill case that I keep ibuprofen, anxiety medicine, etc in, a battery bank and the cord for charging, wired headphones in case my earbuds die, a bullet journal I have to carry with me or it will sit unused for months, a pack of clothespins, things like that, I’ll call these Wants. I’ve tried a small purse, but then I can’t carry my Wants. I’ve tried a big purse, but it always 1. ends up a mess of crap at the bottom I’m having to rifle through to find what I’m looking for and 2. ends up heavy as hell because I’ll put anything in there and forget about it as soon as it’s out of sight. I’ve also carried a small purse of my Needs and a little bag of my Wants, but that’s also annoying and I end up leaving my Wants in my car, thus defeating the point of having those items on hand when the need for something like the wired headphones or a clothespin comes up. Does anyone struggle with this issue? How do you have your stuff set-up so you’re not carrying around a house-worth of stuff without missing anything that comes “as needed”, not necessarily daily use items? Edit: safety pins, not clothespins, I got those mixed up

I'm undecided and it's in two days. Originally I did decide to have a small gathering over a meal with my partner, younger brother, two aunts and cousin. My parents are dead and we have a very small family now. But now I'm more anxious/stressed thinking about it as there is bad history/blood in the past from family arguments and really awful stuff which has caused trauma.

So I'm thinking, do I want to spend a meal together potentially thinking about all that stuff?

As well as thinking that, I'm also feeling sad that my parents aren't around to celebrate my 30th with me. I was thinking of making the meal smaller by having the meal with my younger brother and partner who are the two most important people in my life. I still want to get dressed up ( I even bought a dress!) and go out.

My two closest friends said they'd take me to a nice bar afterwards that night as well. I know it's silly but I'm getting that FOMO feeling, I'm jealous of people who can have big celebrations with tons of family and friends. Something I don't really have unfortunately, I just want to feel like I can celebrate this is with family as I miss them a lot but I can't and it's sad.

Looking for advice. Everyone is late30s.

I have been married for over 5 years. Been with my spouse for over 10 years. Yet I am having trouble shaking off previous relationship trauma.

My last partner really ground me down. He monitored my every move, and would chastise me for something as small as smiling at other men in the grocery store. He gave me silent treatment for things he dreamed about, so you can imagine how unpleasant he was about real things. He just made me feel like I would never succeed, and when I did succeed, he made me feel like I didn’t deserve it. I left that relationship feeling dumb and lost.

I have been in therapy for years and I have talked this topic to death. I am trying to give enough info for context but not rehash too much because it seems unhealthy at this point.

A few times a year, I find myself wanting to look him up on social. He is married with kids, as am I. I kind of scroll around for a moment and then close the app. I don’t miss him, I’m not jealous, I don’t even want to look at his page. If we are being honest, what I really want is for him to look at my page. I wish he could see how well things are going, this beautiful life I have built, and I desperately want some kind of validation from him. An apology, an admission of wrongdoing.

How do you move on from an apology you will never get? How do you quiet the echoes from the past and remind yourself you are no longer in danger? How do you validate yourself? All ideas and rituals etc welcome.

I’m in my 30s, living alone, and managing my own apartment. This year has been incredibly tough with some major unexpected expenses. I am successfully keeping up with my bills, but things are incredibly tight. I am currently saving up for basic furniture, trying to avoid cluttering my small space with 'thingamajigs' I don’t need, and carefully planning purchases only when I’ve exhausted all DIY alternatives.

Because of this, my place isn't perfectly curated. My clothes are a bit of a mess because I'm waiting until I can afford proper storage furniture. Yet, people constantly question me: "Why don't you just buy this kitchen tool?" "Why don't you get this organizing gadget?" They act like "just buying it" is a simple drop in the bucket.

To make it worse, it’s spilling into my friendships:

• One friend is pushing me to go on a "cheap" week-long international trip and genuinely doesn't seem to comprehend that "cheap" is still money I do not have right now.

• Another friend is aggressively pushing me to get a therapist for some anger issues I vented about. He sees a therapist himself and tells me to "just keep shopping around until you find a match," acting like it's absurd that I can't. Meanwhile, he lives entirely under his family's roof with zero overhead, while I am financially responsible for myself.

I feel like I'm doing a massive job acting as the husband, wife, and child of my household. I'm keeping my head above water, but it feels like it's never enough for the people around me.

How do you handle the emotional exhaustion of people assuming you just have "disposable income" or judging your timeline? How do you firmly shut down people who give advice from a place of complete financial privilege?

Each month, I struggle during my luteal phase because I suddenly get these very sad and gloomy moments where I am bombarded by my existential thoughts.

Some days I also feel some sense of loneliness, even though I am have a good family and support system.

Genuinely in a good state where I don’t have any pressing problems or stressors. I just struggle with sad days because it hits me out of the blue and I notice it’s always during luteal.

I tried going to the gym, going out and meet people, journaling, prayer, watching tv…but sometimes it catches up to me and I just do nothing but suffer :( it’s no fun.

So…what do you guys do to help yourself when bad days happen?

I need a whole refresh and don’t know where to start. Anyone have success with a place or brand to help you determine what you need?

Hi all,

Seeking some advice here. I (35F) have been seeing this guy (38M) for a few months. It's been great, honestly, for the most part. He's kind, thoughtful, and caring, and I genuinely believe he wants to be a good partner. However, there's been one consistent point of conflict for us, and I'm trying to figure out whether this is a compatibility issue or something we can work through.

The issue:

He is not great at managing his schedule and/or communicating when plans change. Several times now, he's changed things up last minute, or said he would do something (e.g., call me) and then dropped the ball without letting me know.

To be fair, this usually happens when there's a disruption to our normal routine, like when one of us is traveling, family is visiting, or we aren't spending as much time together in person. In our day-to-day lives, this generally isn't a problem. We have a pretty established routine where we check in with each other in the afternoon and figure out our evening plans.

But when that routine gets disrupted, communication seems to fall apart. And while I don't expect him to prioritize me over everything else, I do expect him to proactively communicate when something changes.

Where we disagree:

I'll fully admit my part in this: for some reason, this behavior REALLY gets under my skin. I feel incredibly underappreciated and disrespected when it happens. So this almost always escalates into an argument, and our respective perspectives are roughly:

Me: "I don't understand why you wouldn't just text or call me. It takes five seconds to keep me updated, and it makes me feel like you don't respect my time or care about the plans we made."

Him: "I usually do communicate with you, so it's really upsetting that when I occasionally drop the ball, you immediately assume the worst about me instead of giving me some grace and asking if something unexpected came up. It feels like all the times I get it right don't count."

And I can see his perspective. He's not wrong that he generally does make an effort, and I recognize that my reaction can be disproportionate to the individual incident. I also recognize that someone forgetting to text doesn't automatically mean they don't care about their partner.

But from my perspective, it leaves me feeling like I'm having to remind my partner to be considerate of my time, which is exhausting.

Has anyone navigated a similar dynamic successfully, where one partner values proactive communication much more strongly than the other, who is more of a flexible "go with the flow" person?

I (30F) think I’m pretty awesome overall- flawed, but with many great traits, a cute face, a joie de vivre, etc. The way I feel about my body does not match, and I’ve let that hold me back from dating too often over the years.

I mean I’ll have moments- lighting-dependent- where I’ll be like ‘damn my [whatever] looks awesome; I look good’ and then I’ll be bloated or have harsher lighting or whatever and immediately slam myself for how unacceptable my body is, and how I need to ‘fix’ it ASAP so that I can date (and feel acceptable once clothes start coming off). This has been the case almost regardless of my weight, although I think it was better when I was well within ‘normal’ BMI- I’m currently borderline between ‘normal’ and overweight. I know that losing some weight would help to an extent, but ‘in a few months, when I’m thinner, I’ll get back out there’ can go on for years.

I’m a little emotional writing this because I SO want to pursue love, and I feel I genuinely have so much to offer a man, but hate my body so often and want some reasonable level of confidence that once I’m naked with a man he’ll like what he sees.

Logically, I know that I am not some grotesquely abnormal blob, and I look around me and see women with a variety of body types and lumps and imperfections who seem to be in happy relationships. I know I’m the one who’s been deciding that somehow I’m not qualified to be wanted and loved, including naked. I’ve wasted my own time, but I’m so scared of not being good enough.

I’d appreciate any down-to-earth, thoughtful advice.

My partner and I both grew up in families with emotionally immature parents, neither of us learned about healthy conflict and conflict resolution. We’ve both been in individual therapy and couples therapy for years but still really struggle with repair. It feels like every time we fight/argue, we both apologize (or I ask him to apologize) but then we’re kind of stuck afterwards. It often feels like he’s mad or resentful even after we both apologize. Sometimes it seems like he gets mad about apologizing and then shuts down. It usually ends with one or both of us shutting down or being overly sensitive until the we’re able to “move on” or getting into the little mini “after fights”.
I love him and I really want to work on this but I feel so lost. It never really feels like we make up and I feel awful for a long time afterwards. In reality, I just want to hug or have sex but I feel like I can’t do it unless I can feel that he is genuinely “sorry”. And neither of us is making an effort to reconnect physically.
I know this sounds so toxic, I really want to end this pattern.

I've been struggling lately with friendships, particularly finding friends I can count on.

I have one longtime friend who has been there for me during some of the worst periods of my life, and I'll always appreciate that. But lately, the friendship has felt very one-sided. She didn't come to my birthday, and I feel like she really hasn't been there for me in quite some time. I'm starting to wonder whether it's time to let the friendship go.

I have a couple of other friends, but those relationships aren't nearly as close.

For those of you who have found close friendships later in life, how did you do it? Did those friendships develop naturally through shared activities, or did you make a conscious effort to build them?

I’m [F31] a single mom but I have been for 15 years to my son, so that’s nothing new. He’s great so I don’t think having a kid is what’s draining me. I work a full time job and struggle to do basic things like cleaning my room, getting laundry washed AND folded, doing dishes, vacuuming, etc etc. it gets to the point where a week will go by and now I have a massive mess that I have no choice but to face. When I visit my friends house (childless or not) they seem to have everything together. They worked all day, dropped their kid off and picked up from daycare. Have the house clean. Dinner ready. And still have energy to just hang out with me. Just typing all of that got exhausting for me. I never have my friends over for the simple fact that I don’t have the energy to prepare for people to come over. I do have anxiety, ocd, and mild depression and I do have a therapist/psychiatrist etc and we do discuss these things. What I’m really asking is what are ways you actually motivate yourself to do this stuff. I’d like to try and incorporate new ways of being excited to have it together or literally if it’s something like you’re just having extra coffee or a random ritual you do to force yourself awake in the mornings to get stuff done. What are your secrets to keeping everything clean and together. Thanks in advance ladies!!

I see this rhetoric everywhere that your partner is and should be your best friend. I think it's a nice ideal but is it realistic? Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of fun with my partner and would pick him over anyone...but I don't know that we're actually best friends.

We have different interests and enjoy doing different types of things so realistically we don't have a typical "best friend" type of relationship where we enjoy doing anything together no matter what it is. There are certain topics I'm more excited to pick up the phone and call a girl friend for instead of him because he's not as emotional as I am.

Conversely, I had a relationship in the past that had more of that best friend feel. I would say we definitely were each others best friends, but he was not a good life partner which is why we ended things. My current partner is very reliable, stable, and fills the role of a romantic partner in life but I wouldn't say he also fills the role of best friend.

Anyone else feel similarly or is everyone so lucky that their partner is also genuinely their best friend?

You all were so helpful on my last post regarding whether or not I should end my relationship. I already knew the answer, but needed the push. Now, my next question:

I went on an apartment tour over the weekend and found something that would be a great fit. I am always looking, and have never come across something that checks ALL my boxes but this popped up and it felt like fate. Now my question is, am I being rash taking it? I'm still on a lease with my (soon to be ex) boyfriend, we have 4 months left on it. Our current apartment is not in an area I'm attached to, is far from my job and family. The new spot i toured is close to my job & family, and I can afford it which is rare for the area. If i take it, I'll have to break my current lease. Nowhere in the lease am I seeing what will happen if I leave and I'm worried I'll be on the hook for those last 4 months ($5500). Ideally I would be able to move out the end of next month and we could sublet, so a roommate could take over my half.

Or, do I stay for the duration of the lease and hope something pops up in 4 months? I keep going back and forth!! I am worried about asking the landlord, him saying I have to stay or owe the remainder on the spot, and the next 4 months being hell living with an ex while actively trying to apartment search. There is no physical abuse, but trust is gone and I am searching in a very desirable and expensive area which makes timing difficult to line up exactly with the lease ending. What would you do in my situation?

I’m curious if there was ever a moment you felt 100% ready to have a baby, or if you eventually just decided to take the leap.

On a scale of 0–10, where 0 is “I’m 21, ready to party, HELL NO” and 10 is “Put a baby in me TOMORROW,” where were you when you decided to start trying?

My husband and I are both 32, together for 11 years, married almost 5. We own a home, I have a master’s degree, and we’re pretty established in life. Ideally, I’d like a little more career growth and to finish a few home projects before trying.

But lately I’m wondering if I’m just being a perfectionist. There’s always going to be another promotion, another project, another trip. At what point am I just moving the goalposts?

We’re both sitting around a 6–7, although I occasionally hit an 8.

My husband has said he wants kids with me, but hasn’t necessarily always had an innate desire to be a father. For him, it’s more about wanting a family with the right person, which makes me curious about how men experience readiness compared to women.

For those of you who have kids or are actively trying, did you ever reach a 9/10?

How long did it take to get there? Were you and your partner equally ready, or did one of you get there first and have to wait for the other?

I’m especially interested in hearing whether your husbands ever experienced that overwhelming desire to have a baby, or if it was more of a conscious decision for them.

And looking back, was there a moment that flipped the switch, or did you just realize you’d never feel completely ready?
I’m starting to wonder if I’m waiting for a feeling that might never come.

How to add to conversations when everyone around you is getting married, having children, and buying houses.

I feel like I have nothing to add to conversations with colleagues because I cant relate to them. I am the only single woman in my workplace. Everyone else either just got married, just had their 1st or 2nd child, just bought their 1st house or is moving houses, and are always talking about their families or anniversaries.

I have no problem hearing about their news - honestly its great to hear! But I always feel awkward because I never have anything to add. I usually dont do anything on the weekends that are considered eventful. The only times I get responses are when I share that I spend the weekend with my nephews. Whenever it involves kids its always "aw thats great!" Or "How fun!" Plus follow up questions about it. But if I share that I did something by myself like "I tried that new sushi place in [next town over]." All I get is "oh cool" I never seem to get follow up questions and I find that so weird. Maybe its just me though.

Has anyone else dealt with that?