So to make a long story short, I was a dumbass under the influence of my dumbass friends at a multi day event/ festival and wore a hat with “single” and my phone number on it for the last night. I had a lot of people take photos of/with me because they found it funny (most were women).

Anyway the next day I put a post up in the Facebook group of me in the hat with my number blurred out asking for anyone with photos to dm me the photos. So this guy messaged me saying “I mean i didnt see you with the sign but i definitely think it’s a good sign for you to see me moving forwards”.

I’m a sucker for a funny pick up line so I messaged him back and we started talking over text. I thought it was going really well and thought we hit it off. We have similar interests and hobbies and we seem compatible in a lot of other ways. I had made it clear at the start that I wasn’t looking for just a hook up and that I wanted an actually relationship and to find someone to build a future with and it seemed like he was on the same page.

We’ve been talking for 3 weeks now and had really good conversations at the start but in the last 3 or 4 days it’s turned sexual and we have swapped nudes (yes I know not the best idea don’t judge me please I was safe about it. I didn’t include my face or identifying marks/ tattoos, I even added a small watermarks where he wouldn’t notice or be able to crop out to the photos so if they ever got out I would know exactly who leaked them and from when).

But after sending nudes I feel like all our conversations are about sex now. I haven’t learnt anything else about him and all our other conversations through the day are all the basic hi how are you type of conversation now. We do have plans to meet in person in a couple of weeks and I don’t want to make a 2 hour drive just to be let down.

Any advice please. Do I just straight up ask him? I know there’s an age gap so maybe I shouldn’t even entertain him for a long term partner and just end it now and move on.

TL;DR: I need hugs to feel loved. Partner doesnt give any despite having had a conversation where she suggested they are just as important to her.

Hello Reddit!

I (M30+) started seeing this absolute wonderful human beeing just over a year ago. Shes (F30+) smart, strongwilled, successful, stunning, cultured, patient, strong, empathetic. One of the most impressive women I ever met. Luckily, she‘s also very much into me for some reason.

A few months in, we had a good open talk about the future and how living together might look like/what it means. Among other things like how chores and bills are dealt with and what type of residence we both can agree on, we also discussed how the relationships day to day has to look like. She said she needed daily verbal check-ins, sit down for a few minutes and talking openly about how we feel that particular day and about our plans for the next day/week so we can coordinate our lives a bit and try to handle the chaos.

Easy, normal, no problem for me to do.

I said I needed at least a hug or even better a little cuddle (this is no euphemism, I literally mean cuddling and nothing more. I am a bitch for cuddles. Cuddles are not just nice, they give me an intense feeling of calmness. My brain finally shuts up when cuddling) after coming home to regulate my nervous system and know that I am loved and appreciated and that everything is okay.

She went quiet for a second and asked me if there were relationships in my past where I didnt have that that I felt the need to even bring that up. I thought to myself, amazing, a women that loves cuddles just as much as I do and to whom they are completely self-evident.

Awesome, we are good, our needs can be met, our love languages are compatible. We had the difficult talk like adults, look at us nailing this thing!

Fast forward to now, we just moved in together after a year of a wonderful relationship, including two great vacations together. Everytime I come home, I make sure to check in on her and sit down at least briefly before I carry on to all the little projects and chores we have around the house. Not a single hug in two weeks, all the caresses, cuddles and physical touch are initiated by me. She even rejected some, which makes me feel very rejected as a person and I know this can make me spiral.

I brought it up (okay, I had a little melt down one morning and tried to explain through my sobs that I felt rejected and was confused) and she is suprised by it. She says that with the stress of moving and an insane workload, including workload in her free time (friends wedding planning), she shouldnt be expected to provide that during hard times. She went as far as to say i might have to think about seeing a professional to adress possible abandonment issues within myself. She says that while she knew I wanted hugs, she is very taken aback by the frequency I apparently need it and two weeks shouldnt be a big deal.

I see it completely the opposite way. It is especially during hard times that maintaining the relationship should be on the to do list even more often. Feeling happy in a relationship while everything else is fine and dandy is easy.

If we both lost our job, were robbed, were kicked out of the house, AND were disfigured by our oncologists (who has bad news..) chihuahua, we still would have each other. It is then that we have to put in effort to make each other feel safe, supported and loved the most. And during good times we can/should keep cultivating that, but those rituals show their worth during hard times the most.

Do i want too much? Is this physical contact frequency in a relationship abnormal? Is it unreasonable to want that? Do I have issues that might have to be adressed by a professional? How did I fuck this up? How would you have understood the sentence „When I come home or we see each other for the first time that day, I just need a hug“?

I've been in an undefined, up and down relationship with a man (M35) for about a year now. Yes, I know the age gap is already going to be a concern.

To cut a long story short, we've had some major issues lately, and he had planned on coming sometime today to pick up his belongings from my apartment. He stays here frequently, almost to the point of qualifying living here. So he had lots of things he needed to get back.

He originally was going to drive here in the morning (he lives 2 hours away so it's a commitment), however he kept pushing back the timing. It eventually reached 7-8pm and he texted saying he'd be here soon, and asked if we could watch a specific movie.

I was a bit put off, since I assumed he'd just grab his stuff and leave. But it was late, so I assumed it was an attempt to just have fun while he was here and have an excuse to stay the night. I said okay.

He got here. We turn the movie on. And I am just not with it. I feel numb, catatonic even. I'm staring off into space, at some point I start crying. All during this he is continuing to watch the movie, nudging me and making comments about what we're watching, scrolling his phone occasionally, all while seeing I'm clearly distressed and quietly crying.

Finally I pause the movie and say I can't do this, and he asks what I want him to do. I pause for probably 5 minutes straight, just sitting in silence. Because I don't know. This whole time he's scrolling his phone.

Eventually I force myself to get up. I put my shoes on. Grab his stuff. He says "You're not just going to leave your own apartment." I say I think him leaving is probably a good idea and I'm helping him pack his stuff up. He angrily gets up and grabs his things from my hands, and goes to leave. I start crying even more (yes I've been crying this whole time) and desperately ask why I'm not even getting a goodbye hug. He said I don't get one because I invited him here to stay the night and I'm kicking him out all of a sudden, and now I'm trying to act like the victim. He calls me crazy and leaves.

He then started angrily texting me from his car calling me childish and crazy, saying I'm selfish for making him sleep in his car or risk falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. I just kept saying I'm sorry.

I am devastated. Confused. Can't trust my own judgement. I need help and I don't know what to do

I am a Polish-American non practicing catholic guy and my fiancée is Jewish (Reform). We're getting married next spring - and we discussed that we are of different faiths. Although my fiancée isn't super religious she does want to maintain her Jewish identity (we celebrate only Jewish holidays at home and even with our wedding my fiancée even suggested that we can have both a rabbi and a priest to marry us off but I'm fine with just a rabbi doing the job!). As for kids - something we both want - we agreed to raise them in their mother's faith (which is already a given since if mom's Jewish so are the kids). I'm fine not celebrating the Christian holidays, having our kids Bar/Bat Mitzvah'ed and all the other essentials.

For anyone who is in a mixed faith marriage or relationship - do you have any advice?

Thank you for reading this and for your time! :)

How do I 28F deal with 34M boyfriend not respecting what I do for work? I 28F and been with 34M boyfriend Greg for 3 years. I work as a sales rep for Wine Distribution and he work as a manager in a grocery outlet. Obviously we don’t work in the same area as that would be a conflict of interest. He’s expressed multiple times that whenever I complain about my job and he struggles I’m having that my job is pointless anyways. He has a bad taste when it comes to sales reps and vendors and believes that all labor should come from within a company. He’s very small business and old school but doesn’t see how that doesn’t make sense for broad market. Anyways he’s made many comments over the years about my job but it’s gotten to a point where even me telling him that I don’t appreciate him undermining my job just puts him in a sour mood. I’ve tried to compromise by just leaving work at work and not bringing it home but there are times he’ll ask my questions about the liquor market and will vent to me about his work problems. I don’t really think this is fair. I understand needing to get stuff off your chest from a stressful day and really all that means is listening and letting that person vent. He doesn’t give me that without criticizing what I do. It’s starting to build real resentment. Comments include “you should get a real job” “reps are the most lazy and pointless people”. What compromise can I reach with him?

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have been together for four and a half years, and we’re hoping to start a family in the next two to three years. We have a really happy relationship, but there’s one issue that has become increasingly difficult for me, and I don’t know how to resolve it without one of us ending up unhappy.

For some background, we grew up in different parts of the country. Our country is relatively small, and when we first got together, we agreed that we’d eventually settle somewhere in the middle, roughly equally far away from both our families.

At the time, I was in my early 20s, and having children was still a very abstract concept to me. I didn’t really think about what it would actually mean to raise a family away from my own parents.

But now, as having children becomes a more realistic prospect, my feelings have changed quite dramatically.

I’ve realised that I desperately want to live close to my mom when I become a mother myself. She’s probably the person I’m closest to apart from my boyfriend, and I genuinely struggle to imagine raising my children without having her nearby.

I’m a rather sensitive and emotional person, and I’ve also been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I’m already worried about the possibility of developing postpartum anxiety, and I know that having my mom close would give me an enormous sense of security. Not just for practical help with the children, but also for emotional support during pregnancy, postpartum and motherhood in general.

The problem is that my boyfriend understandably still wants to stick to our original agreement.

And I get it. We agreed on something years ago, and now I’m essentially asking him to reconsider because my feelings have changed. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable, and I don’t want to make him feel like his wishes matter less than mine.

He’s also close to his family, and I understand why he doesn’t want to move significantly closer to mine at the expense of being further away from his own.

But at the same time, I can’t seem to make peace with the idea of living further away from my mom. I think part of what makes this so difficult is that I don’t necessarily want to live close to my hometown just because it’s familiar. I want to be close to my mom specifically. I want her to be part of our everyday lives, to be able to visit spontaneously, and to have that support system nearby when I become a mother.

I also know that my boyfriend will be my partner in raising our children, and I don’t want this to come across as though I don’t trust him to support me. I absolutely do. But I feel like the support you get from your own mother, especially when you have such a close relationship, is something different.

I love him, and I want to build a family with him. If it ultimately came down to choosing between him and living close to my mom, I would choose him. But I’m scared that I’ll end up resenting the situation or feeling unhappy with where we’ve settled, especially once we have children.

I don’t want to pressure him into giving up something important to him, but I also don’t know how to ignore something that feels increasingly important to me.

So I guess I’m looking for advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

How do you navigate a disagreement where neither person is necessarily wrong, but your visions of the future no longer quite align? Has anyone had a partner who initially didn’t want to move closer to their family but eventually changed their mind? Or have you been the person who compromised on where to live, and how did that work out in the long run?

I’m especially interested in hearing from couples who faced this disagreement before having children, and whether becoming parents changed either person’s perspective.

I don’t want to win an argument against my boyfriend. I want us to find a solution that we can both genuinely be happy with, and right now I’m struggling to see what that looks like.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I originally agreed to settle halfway between our families, but as we’re getting closer to having children, I’ve realised how important living near my mom is to me. He understandably wants to stick to our agreement, and I’m struggling to reconcile my changing needs with his equally valid wishes. How do we find a compromise without one of us ending up resentful?

Hi, to all the readers, please no judgement. I'm 22F and my husband is 29M. We've been married for 4 years and have an infant together. I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart and starting to wonder what life would be without him.

He's a great husband. But a terrible father.

Let me explain: he's the type of guy that wants babies like children want puppies. He was happy to help for the first two weeks, then dipped. Returned to his hobbies and work schedule and stopped helping. For that reason alone, I'm starting to wonder what life would be without him. I keep wondering how easy life would be if I just take care of my son and I. There would be less work for me.

I don't think he's willing to change either. I'm scared...

Scared of having a conversation. I want to give my son a sibling, but I can't. I can't have another child with this man. I'm so conflicted. I love him as a husband but hate him as a father. What are your thoughts and advice?

TLDR: My husband and I have a baby together. He wants another child but I can't do it again. I'm basically living the single married mom life. He's a great husband, but a terrible father. He never helps out with the baby, only when I have to ask 10,000 times. Now I'm dreaming of a life without him and I'm scared of that reality.

I(23F) have been married to my husband(26M) for 6 years.
We have 3 boys under 4. We usually get along fine and most of my friends I would say look up to our relationship because we(or I) give off the idea that we are the perfect couple. I have never talked about my husband poorly to anybody, including my Therapist and I speak very highly of him anytime I do talk about him. I do love him with my entire heart, and I couldn’t see my life without him, but after recent events, I feel like maybe I’ve been putting on a façade without realizing. We had our first baby a year and a half after we got married after a couple miscarriages. I was very excited and wanted to be a mom. About a year and a half later and my husband started pushing that we need to start trying again so I reluctantly agreed and we got pregnant again on the first try. My postpartum experience with my second was absolutely horrible. He works out of town 90% of the year so I’m left being a single parent 5 days a week and I ended up in the psych ward because of how bad my mental’s got. My four-year-old is level two autistic and he is a lot of work and my two-year-old is most likely going to be given an autism diagnosis as well. 10 months after my second was born, I had many important surgeries coming up and he knew how serious it was for me to take care of my mental and physical health however, three months after getting out of the psych ward he got me pregnant again because he refuses to wear condoms. We now have our third baby boy and I am now four months postpartum and I do everything. My husband is gone six days a week and we only get him one whole day every week and I am beyond tired and exhausted. I just feel like I want to cry 24/7 running the house with three little kids by myself all the time. He has put his hands on me(choked me with his hands, pushed me at a wall, threw his chair at me while gaming) a few times in the past out of anger. I know it’s not an excuse, but all of these times I was stepping out of line and talking back to him so it was provoked. I’m not perfect. This included me not waking up with the baby when he asked me to because I was so tired from doing it every night, he told me multiple times and elbowed me to get up and I still said no, which is very out of character for me so that got him really upset and ultimately led to him choking me. Another time he was gaming with his brother and his brother‘s baby mama, and they were not aware that my husband wasn’t wearing headphones and his brother and baby mama started talking bad about me and I got my feelings hurt and asked that he would stand up for me and he was upset that I’m too sensitive. I was really offended that he would let them talk bad about his wife to him directly and he wouldn’t say anything. I honestly don’t even remember the other times because it seems so small and pointless. A couple weekends ago we were at a hotel and I had dressed up all cute to go out to eat and I was really excited about my outfit and he was just kind of wearing work clothes and I’ve been planning my outfit for a few weeks, and he made a mention about how I looked a little overdressed and it really killed my mood. We went out to eat and he was on his phone the entire time. I asked him to take a picture of me while we were walking in the city and he whined about it. He was just kind of a mood kill all evening so when we got back to the hotel, I snuck into the extra bed and I was crying. He woke up and noticed that I was crying and told me to get into his bed and I told him that I didn’t want to and I just wanted space and he came into my bed and forced himself on me even though I was visibly crying and he just covered my mouth and continued to have sex with me and I begged him to put on a condom and told him I was ovulating and he basically told me he can do what he wants. I’m now pregnant for the 15th time and I am so exhausted. I have a lot of health issues so we’ve had three surviving pregnancies and 11 miscarriages in the last six years. I have a heart condition that makes me pass out and I definitely noticed it happens a lot more when I don’t feel comfortable during sex, but for the last couple years, I rarely ever pass out but lately I have been since the hotel and I start to have panic attacks and can’t stop shaking. And then after he gets upset with me and asks me “Why are you like this?” Even though this has been a thing I’ve had my entire life that’s affected our sex life for six years. The hard part about this is when we’re good we’re so amazing and he is seriously the most amazing father I have ever met and I’m not just saying that. I never have to beg him for help with the kids whenever he’s home. I’m guaranteed my own time off. He doesn’t limit me from spending time with friends. He will Let me have sleepovers at my girlfriend’s house and he’s very lenient with giving me my own space and he takes such good care of our boys and they absolutely love and adore him. He’s also so amazing with helping with household stuff he cooks for us, He helps with cleaning when he’s home on the weekends, fixes things around the house and it’s just overall a really good dad. Shouldn’t that be enough for me?

Edit to add: a lot of you guys are saying I’m contradicting myself when I say he’s giving me a lot of time to myself, but he’s gone all the time. He is a seasonal worker so he’s home three months out of the year full-time and right now he happens to be out of town six days a week but on a regular basis he’s gone 4-5 days a week. I was 17 when I got married(consensually!) we were 16 &18 when we met. and we didn’t have our first baby for a year and a half. I also just wanted it to be known that we can financially care for all of our children. He owns a business and we own our house and all of my children’s needs are being met.

Also, a lot of people are saying this is fake and rage bait, but unfortunately it is not. I know a lot of you are referring to my old posts to prove the legitimacy of this post but I am taking those down because there are pictures of me and I’m scared somebody I know we’ll see this. I have not read most of the comments on this post yet because I’m still trying to digest everything thank you to everybody who has said nice things. I would also like to mention that I have literally zero education and I am unable to work a job because I have a lot of medical conditions. So while I’m taking everything very seriously it’s still very daunting to think about leaving and starting over on my own.

I posted a photo on my page of my MyChart for those who don’t believe me and I know I don’t need to prove anything to anybody, but I don’t want people thinking. I’m making anything up either.

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after around 10 months together. This was my first serious relationship, and I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to move forward.

For several months, I felt like she was becoming increasingly distant. We spent less time together, affection decreased, and I often felt like I was the one trying to maintain our connection.

We had recurring disagreements about communication, trust, jealousy, and how much time we wanted to spend together. I recognize that I contributed to some of these problems. I sometimes became insecure, wanted too much reassurance, and struggled to give her space.

Recently, she admitted that she had been questioning whether she wanted the relationship. She explained that certain behaviours of mine had been bothering her for months, that she felt our interests didn't always align, and that some of her romantic feelings had changed.

This hurt because I had spent months wondering why she was distant without understanding what was happening.

She acknowledged that she had personal issues to work through and that she should have communicated her feelings earlier.

I decided to end the relationship because I couldn't continue feeling unwanted and uncertain.

However, I regretted the breakup almost immediately. I reached out the following morning to ask whether she thought we could work through our problems.

She said reconciliation might be possible in the future, but she didn't want to rush back into a relationship before working on herself.

She also said she loved me, didn't want to lose me, and couldn't imagine us no longer being part of each other's lives.

Now she wants us to continue talking regularly, sharing updates, hanging out occasionally, and maintaining some of our old routines. She also wants to remain affectionate in certain ways.

Essentially, she wants us to stay close without officially being together.

She says she isn't interested in dating anyone else right now, but we haven't clearly agreed on what our boundaries should be.

I'm conflicted.

Part of me wants to keep her in my life because I genuinely enjoy talking to her and care about her deeply.

But another part of me feels that continuing to act almost like a couple will make it harder to accept that we're no longer together.

I've realized that I don't want to return to our old relationship because I was emotionally exhausted by it.

At the same time, I don't want to lose someone who has been such an important part of my life.

She has already started reaching out and trying to keep our conversations normal. I've been responding, but I feel more emotionally detached than before.

I'm starting to accept that we're broken up, although I know I still have feelings for her.

My question: How do I establish healthy boundaries with an ex when we both want to remain in each other's lives, but I still have romantic feelings? Is it realistic to remain close immediately after a breakup, or would some distance be healthier?

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I broke up after 10 months because of ongoing communication problems, emotional distance, and uncertainty about the relationship. She wants us to remain close and continue many of our old routines without officially being together. I still love her but don't want the old relationship back. How do I maintain a connection without preventing myself from moving forward?

For context me (22F) and my long distance BF (26M) well call him James have been dating online for about four or five months and he still has no plans of meeting me and flying over. We're about two or three states away in USA from each other and he doesn't drive from trauma so he can't drive over here. He was interested in taking a bus or flying and was planning but now is just working two jobs and we bearly speak now and I have trauma from being ghosted and neglected from my ex and I don't want to be hurt again so I'm kinda checking out of the relationship.

He's given Excuses and giving me pretty words on wanting to see me and has tried to talk to me sometimes but I'm worried we'll never meet and im thinking of ending it before I'm dragged along in a long distance relationship for years like with my ex. I know that James has a lot on his plate with two jobs living at home and trying to figure out his future but I want actions not words, I want to hear how he's trying to save up for the trip and not just hear him talk about how much he wants to see me but Is trying to convince me to go over to him but I got no family near him and would be by myself I'm just a girl he's a man he should make the first effort I'll see him next time if it ever happens.

If I'm overreacting I would love to know but all my trauma is saying I should run before he breaks my heart and before I get way too attached and I already feel my love for him fade the less we talk so I don't think it will hurt much if I ended it now but I'm still not sure All advice is appreciated.

So, I started university about a month ago, and since then I've had a consistent sleep schedule of going to bed at 20:00 and falling asleep around 21-22, then waking up at 6. My bf would sometimes disturb that even though I've made it very clear that I am not okay with that. He usually gets home from work around 18:30-19:00. He had a day at work he really wanted to talk about. Yesterday he asked me to talk about it and stay up for 30 more minutes.. At 22:00. I told him no and he kept asking and nagging me. I asked him to respect my boundaries and he talked about how he has no boundaries etc etc, which I think does not mean that I can't have any, just because he doesn't. Am I not allowed to have self respect?

Now, some context for the next part. He has never been taught to clean up after himself by his mom, nor does he have the habit of maintaining an apartment clean. He has been annoyed with me asking him to clean up all the time, but has been making progress.

After I asked him to respect my boundaries, he said he'll set a boundary for himself, that being him not cleaning up. I was kinda shocked by that, and his reasoning is that he comes home from work tired every day. Now that would be valid, if I sat on my ass all day doing nothing, but I also spend the majority of my day in uni.

We agreed to talk about it in more detail today after we get home. What do I even say to him? How do I tell him that his 'boundary' is not quite reasonable in my opinion? Or maybe asking for a completely uninterrupted and undisturbed sleep is unreasonable from my side.

Either way, I want advice that does NOT include me leaving him over an argument, and absolutely NO insults. I want respectful and reasonable opinions, regardless of whose side you take. I hope I made myself clear.

EDIT: I guess I didn't make myself clear enough. I repeat. No. Advice. Including. Me. Leaving. Him. We are in a complicated situation, and at the current moment, me leaving him is not an option. Thank you

EDIT 2: Y'all really are so quick to come to conclusions... Just because he does not like cleaning up, does not mean his whole personality is childish. You read two paragraphs and your immediate full opinion formed of this man, that he is immature and a total asshole. Jesus.

Hey everyone, throwaway post as my partner uses reddit.

I 21F, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 22M for almost three years. He is an amazing partner, and we have even discussed getting married and future plans. He is even coming with me for a family trip next year.

Last night when he was in the bathroom, i went onto his phone onto reddit to read those stories you always see people reacting to.

However, as soon as i opened the app, there were posts of OF models, and i was shocked. I had never used reddit before so i thought it might just be like twitter where random things show up.

Then i looked at his account. He had replied to a post. It was an OF post. at first i thought it may have been from before we were together, but it said it was from LAST MONTH. He had also dm’d one of these posters, in November last year.

Please note i have been LIVING WITH HIM since July, and we have been together since 2024.

I was shocked and felt my stomach sink. i immediately put the phone down and acted like i hadn’t seen anything.

I have had medical issues my whole life, which does affect our intimacy, but he has always been understanding if i was in too much pain or too lethargic.

I really don’t know what to do now. He is my best frien, and i moved 7 hours away from my family to live with him. Do i confront him? but what if he gets upset i went through his phone.

I really don’t know what to do.

Me 18M and my gf 19F we’ve been dating for almost 4 years since January 2023. She has ADHD and depression of which she is medicated for both and I have anxiety along with an anxious attachment style and we have both just started college.This past Friday she told me she needed to break up. Recently with college she has been wanting to be out a lot more and hanging out with her new girl friends and I wasn’t getting as much attention which made my anxiety flare up and I would end up texting her a lot and need lots of reassurance. This and on top of she started skipping classes and doing bad on assignments while not balancing other parts of her life she talked to her therapist, step mom, and biological mom and it seems they came to the grounds that she needs to be single and alone for now so she can not feel the guilt of not providing what I need right now. My gf said she doesn’t know how long she’ll need but put emphasis on she still sees a future with me and made sure to say I pinky promise I’ll comeback to you. I also for the sake of my own mental health to ask to stay exclusive and not explore other people which she agreed not exploring other people but she mentioned maybe kissing her friends which she did when we first met as well so it’s nothing new but I’m noticing I’m having so much anxiety of staying exclusive and also just when we will be able to talk and connect again but I hear so many horror stories about this type of thing and I don’t
want my story to be doomed can someone share their experiences and provide some advice?

How to handle unpaid loans and financial boundaries with my girlfriend (26M)?
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months. About two months ago, I lent her a total of 2,400 AED for a learning course and other expenses. She promised to repay me after receiving her salary.
Unfortunately, she later developed cancer, which affected her finances. I’ve tried to be understanding, but she’s repeatedly given specific repayment dates and missed them. I even offered installments, but she hasn’t repaid anything or brought up the debt herself.
Recently, she’s asked for more money three times despite knowing I’m currently unemployed. I’ve declined, and she’s accepted my refusals affectionately without arguing.
Outside of money, she’s been loving and supportive. She comforted me after losing my job and twice offered to help me find employment through her connections.
However, since returning to work, she’s also become noticeably less communicative, although her health and fatigue may explain some of that.
I’m struggling to separate my financial frustration from how I interpret her affection and communication.
I’m looking for advice from people who’ve navigated financial disagreements in relationships. How can I establish a realistic repayment arrangement, maintain firm boundaries, and address my growing resentment without turning every interaction into an argument about money?

This post was created by ai for clarity

I’m a 25(m) and my wife is a 24(f). Sometimes I genuinely feel like she treats me like a servant. I think it comes from childhood trauma and being the eldest daughter growing up, having to take on a lot of responsibility at a young age. Her dream which she expressed to me multiple times is to finally be the one being taken care of. I’ve always tried to do a bit more but sometimes I get the feeling that she just wants me to do everything. For example lately I’ve been handling most of the stuff at home alone. Pretty much all the laundry, dishes and 90% of the regular cleaning. On top of that I try to make life a bit easier for her by running errands after I finish work for her and making sure I pick some food up every day so she can just come straight home from work. When we’re home after we eat I always take up all the garbage and dishes for both of us and even clean up after her at times. I kinda just wish it was reciprocated a bit more. She’s always very tired from work which I get but I I’m tired after work too and I still make an effort, I just wish sometimes she would wanna serve me the same way. I’ve always tried to do these things without complaint but the moment I specifically started feeling this way was one day when we were watching a show she said out loud “ I need water” and looked around like it was just gonna magically appear out of thin air, and I got up and got her a water bottle. After that I just felt weird. She’ll hardly get up and grab something herself anymore. I don’t know if I just did it to much and she got comfort with it or what. I love helping her but I just don’t want to feel like a servant at home.

Have any of you gone through something similar?

TL;DR My boyfriend has a tendency to lie/bend/omit seemingly insignificant things because he "doesn't want to hurt my feelings". The following is a really stupid example of this, but it's a pattern that makes me feel anxious and uncertain. Am I reading too much into this situation as potentially being a part of said pattern? Or just being unreasonable in general if it is actually a small fib, and not being able to just let it slide?

Another example of this is him lying about having to stay late at work and canceling plans with me, when I could clearly see he's at home. I casually mentioned it a month later and he said it must have been a glitch that it showed him at home instead of at work and I dropped it. I brought it up a month later when we had a conversation about him lying/omitting things when I'd much rather hear an unpleasant truth. I casually said "like that one time, you canceled plans and lied that you had to stay late at work. I could see you were at home. When I mentioned it to you later, you lied and gaslit me. I figure you probably just wanted some alone time and after work you just wanted to go home and not do anything. I would have been okay with that if you had said so, even if it is disappointing. But instead you chose to lie and gaslight me and leave me to wonder about that and feel sad about it." The whole time he's looking embarrass/called out and then admitted that what I said was true.

I cannot upload photos, so I will copy/paste our texts.

I'm starting to think this is just a me problem that I can't get over stemming from his lack of consistency and tendency to lie/omit things because he "doesn't want to hurt my feelings". I feel like my feelings are valid, but also I feel like this is so silly and stupid since it's over something so tiny. It's really the pattern of it all that's so frustrating, but maybe that pattern is just making me look into this specific situation too much? I don't know, I'm really doubting myself.

For some reason, whenever my boyfriend doesn't say/kiss me goodbye before he leaves for work, I always wake up shortly after he's gone. I don't even wake up when he DOES do it, so I don't get why I wake up when he doesn't. 😅

Anyway, I woke up less a minute after he left and texted him. I sent him a few more texts over time before he responded to one I sent about our cat.

I predicted he would say he didn't see my text or that he must have been in the store, because this is a pattern. I honestly don't care when he takes a while to respond, it's just he gives excuses that doesn't seem entirely truthful based on information you'll see in the texts. And for context, I knew he wasn't at the store when I texted because I checked his loc (his idea to share) to see if he was still here so maybe I could call him to wait and run out real quick for a smooch, but he was 2 minutes up the road, which is 10-15 minutes away from the store.

Texts:

Me:

"Honestly, I think what frustrates me most about the texting situation isn't that you take a while to respond. I'm genuinely okay with you being busy, being distracted, being engrossed in a podcast, or just not being in the mood to text. You don't have to justify every time you don't see a message or respond late with an excuse.

What bothers me is when the explanations you give me don't seem to add up. I'd much rather you just tell me you were distracted than give me an explanation that doesn't make sense to me. When that keeps happening, it makes me frustrated about a situation that typically wouldn't bother me, especially when I already know what excuses I'm going to get before you give them. It's kind of like when you say "I can't" when you can.

So I just want to make sure we're on the same page that: I'm not upset you didn't text me back immediately, I'm frustrated because your reasons don't make sense, and that makes me question what I'm being told even if it's not that big of a deal, and uncertainty is not a good feeling especially for someone who is already uncertain about so much.

Cuz unless your car genuinely isn't working for only me, you are seeing the notifications, they're really hard to miss. So saying you were in the store or didn't see it just don't feel honest and that's the part I don't like, not that you didn't text me back sooner."

Him:

"Babe, I did not see your messages until I responded to you. I was listening to music and briefly looked at magic cards. I didnt really get on my phone after leaving spinx. That is all I know.

And that is the last thing ill say about the situation."

Me:

":/ I texted you before you went to Spinx..."

Him:

"Ya. Didn't see it.

I apologize for not being super aware of things first thing in the morning.

Im sorry that it doesn't make sense. I am sorry for your confusion but I wasnt looking out for texts. I did not see your messages. I dont want you to feel ignored but if your looking for some deeper reason im sorry.there just isnt one.

Ive gtg to work. I love you"

3hrs later

Me:

"I didn't think you were ignoring me and I'm not looking for anything deep. Your excuses just don't make sense considering the notifications that pop up on your screen and lower the volume are really difficult to miss, and even when you're looking at your phone or I'm talking to you, you ALWAYS notice them when I am in the car with you. So I just don't understand how it's so different when the text is coming from me.

I just know you're very quick to lie when you assume the truth would hurt me, even after we've talked about that and how it does more damage than anything you could say. So when your reasoning doesn't make sense, it's very easy to feel like you're not being entirely truthful, especially when I know exactly what you're going to say before you even say it."

Him:

"Idk babe. I really don't. If I did I'd fix it."

Me:

"What is it that you don't know? I don't understand your text or what it is you're thinking you need to fix."

Him:

"I don't understand how I didn't see your texts"

Me:

"Did you actually read the text, or just get frustrated after skimming it?"

Him:

"-.- this conversation is just gonna become an argument over something in the conversation so I think its better we just let it go."

Me:

"I can't let it go, knowing it will happen again. I only knew exactly what you'd say before you said it because I've recognized that this is a pattern, not because I can read your mind or see the future. 😅

So either we have a conversation and make it make sense, instead of you preparing for an argument that isn't necessary, or I just refrain from texting you. "

And then he left me on read.

Thank you for reading, I'm open to judgement, just please don't be mean about it. 🙏

Tw: this is about my sex life I’m sorry
Hi this is my first time posting about advice like this and I really just need help with digesting this situation and understanding how I should move forward. I 21F have been with my fiance 24m for 3 years and a month we got engaged last year. yes ik it was quick but I’ve always been an incredibly picky judge of character so I have no doubt this is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. For context I have BPD and I am not currently in therapy nor do I feel comfortable with any of my close friends to impart these delicate details with that I don’t think it would affect their relationship with my fiance, so I have just been crying and trying to think about solutions myself which all are starting to be very self destructive and destructive of my relationship which I hold very dear.
My fiance has I used to have a very good intimate life When we first met, ofc I was 18/19 and he was 21. But about a year in I noticed his libido take a nose dive and our intimate moments became quick and lack luster when they did happen. I confronted him about watching porn, I never had a problem with porn but he had told me of his own accord he didn’t watch it, he admitted he’d been consuming that content almost daily which was leaving him pretty uninterested in me. It was probably the biggest heartbreak I’d ever experienced at that point in my life because I’ve truly never felt the way I’ve felt about anyone like I have my fiance, I was genuinely cheated once and I was mad for a few days before I started hanging out with a new fling.
I wanted to leave him but I ended up staying. But I truly think his actions hurt him, maybe not as much as I hurt but I trusted he’d never hurt me like that again. He is a deeply shameful person imo and gets embarrassed incredibly easy so seeing the pain he’d caused him I swear I saw something fracture in him that day.
Our sex life ended improving after he cut porn out but there was still something missing. I had also gotten off birth control and an antidepressant with a pretty heavy weight gain side effect that I was on for the entire first part of our relationship, then I got sick and lost nearly 40 lbs. I’m now a good 110 on a good day, size 00. I had fallen in love with my larger body, growing up I was always extremely thin and picked on for it, but I had gotten on the medications (that no longer work for me) and ended up with a womanly figure. And when I lost it I was absolutely devastated.
I felt like I could tell when we were being intimate that he wanted to grab more than I had to offer. I felt like he looked at my body less, he touched me less when we weren’t being intimate. This has been the norm for the last year.
I am very obnoxious and definitely an over communicator. I told him I saw it. I told him I was fed up with the fact our sex life revolves around him and he was a selfish lover. I told him he didn’t make me feel wanted or seen. He told me he was sorry and he would work on it and he wanted to make me feel loved because he loves me more than anything just just struggles to express himself. He had a very conservative upbringing with stifling parents that made him feel like every thought or opinion he had was irrelevant, and I grew up with a mother who wanted to raise a rebel leader.(she got an overly critical overly emotional confrontational brat and I’m aware and I try my hardest to hold it in always)
This has been a fight we’ve had over and over with slight differences for over a year. And last night he had rejected me after spending all day playing video games, which I was too until I wanted to get off and spend a little one on one time with him. So I was upset and he could tell, so he offered to get off and just lay in bed with me. We ended up getting into it again, while laying in bed.
Our fights are more like me telling him all the negative thoughts swimming in my head him telling me he’s sorry he hasn’t done better to help me not think that and then I cry it out and he holds me.
But last night just as I was falling asleep he told me he missed when I had more meat on my bones. I was floored. I locked myself in the bathroom freaking out trying to get away from him at 2 in the morning.
He’s spent the entirety of today apologizing telling me he wishes he never said it and it wasn’t even completely true, which I don’t believe but that’s not important.
I know he loves me, he takes incredible care of me and does everything I ask of him. He simply doesn’t make me feel desired nor does he go out of his way to please me in bed unless I throw a fit for it.
Overall I think I just need advice on how to broach this situation so it doesn’t end up with me hating myself any more than I do now.

We’re both in our 30s both lived full lives. Found each other post divorce and messy break ups. We’re very compatible and great chemistry. A few years in we get engaged, get a house and things feel settled in a good way. However, some things over the years stood out. Like forgetting to fill out a Valentine’s Day card. Just gave it to me empty.. and other sort of forgetful things. Never initiating date nights. The daring kind of stuff that happened early on. Evaporated.

Anyway, they were in a band with an ex and some of those songs are about the ex partner. Light hearted but from the heart. They’ve yet to write anything about our life or love. And I still get listen to these somewhat forlorn songs about this other person (who was so mean!) how they were radiant souls and I’m just sitting there thinking about getting married again whether this is a big mistake..

Are they too comfortable in this relationship? Are they just with me because we’re such good friends? I’ve had these conversations they try to assure me but I think behaviour is the biggest truth teller. I’m also an anxious slightly depressed person so I admit some of it could be me. Anyone relate to this? I want to be taken on dates and be the muse of my lover. Not just a shelter. I don’t think that’s a crazy ask…

The situation is: in march i lost a childhood friend and a few weeks before his boyfriend dropped me as well. Next month we are all invited to a party and this is my chance for real.
The reason for our falling out was that he felt invisible and unimportant to me. There were complaints like not inviting him to events, giving him little attention during group hangouts and providing him little emotional support or interest in his problems.
His boyfriend however, dropped me because he stated I was not a kind of friend he wants due to my poor abilities of providing emotional support. He is a very fragile person and lowk I'm not that interested in the fatigue of maintaining him, but still it would be strategical to have him passively on my side.
They both also claim to be mad at me cuz I badly treated my ex who they are close with but it's some bullshit tbh. I know they aren't really mad at me for that because they were ok with me after the breakup. They only got mad after I started dating a girl that I was friends with during my previous relationship. It's some microcheating according to them.
Final question: why do I need them? They are fun to be around and we still have mutual friends. The childhood friend DOES like to see me too. He claims he doesn't but I did see the enjoyment he was having from our hangouts, although complainig to outhers about me in between. On the other side his boyfriend seems a little scared of me so I don't really need him to like me but at least to stop being uncomfortable around me.
Okay how to pull that off.

I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (22F) for about a year now. I love her and she's probably become my best friend at this point. We've discussed what our future would look like, eg. moving in together.

However, the one thing that gives me doubt about our future is her financial stability. I do ok for myself, Im a new engineer making 80k.

She has never made more than 25k in a year. She dropped out of highschool at 16 and has been working service jobs since. She's gone through about 15+ jobs since then. She previously lived with her ex, and now lives with her sister, so she's never lived independently and had to pay consistent bills. She will sometimes pay rent to her sister, but its just whenever she can afford to and not a set amount. Her financial instability and career outlook worries me. She wants to eventually open her own coffee shop, but to be honest I have doubts about how successful that could be. I want to be supportive, but I also know how insanely difficult it is to open up a brand new business, especially coffee.

I want to believe that she can turn things around, but at the same time, at what point does being hopeful become ignorant? Long term, I want a partner that I can build a full life with, and frankly that requires someone with financial stability. I truly dont know if she can become that person for me. Its hard because aside from money, she's an amazing person who I really enjoy being with.

How do I know if I should continue the relationship and see how things go, or just end it now to save us both some time?

Edit: She got her GED last year and she's actively trying to do better. We've had one conversation about this so far, but it wasn't as deep as I wouldve liked.

me(f22) and my bf(m27)have been together for 2 years at the end of this month. in the beginning things were great, we never fought, we felt so in love. slowly things have gone downhill, patterns have been repeating, and i’m started to question if i am trauma bonded to him or if i am being emotionally abused/manipulated. there are lots of things that have happened and i made a list of negative things that have happened over the last few months trying to pick up on patterns and to discern if these are normal relationship issues that every couple has after the honeymoon phase wears off or if it’s something else. i don’t use reddit much so im not sure how to format this, but here’s the list i’ve made so far. any thoughts and advice are appreciated. thanks in advance…
TLDR; can’t decipher between normal ups and downs or abuse

..
-didn’t care when i was sick and had an accident, responded with “👍” (i literally had the flu and shit myself)

-calls me names (bitch, sensitive, fatass, but he says they’re jokes

-gangs up on me with my brother in law who we live with

-got mad that i didn’t step in with him and my sister were fighting, but when my brother in law starts shit talking to me he joins in on it

-got mad while i was touching him (was starting to get freaky) and told him i couldn’t reach, jokingly said nvm since you get mad i can’t reach, and he got even more mad and put his pants on and we didn’t talk the rest of the night

-doesn’t comfort me when i cry

-doesn’t get along with my family (says it’s because he feels like he has his guard up)

-didn’t defend me at work when someone said my gf is prettier than yours (says it’s because he was ragebaiting the guy so it was fair and he couldn’t say anything back)

-got mad at me for calling out of work when i was sick

-never remembers my birthday, got his baby mom a gift for her birthday

-jokingly called me by his baby moms name in a sexual way and was like “yeah come here (her name) let’s have a quickie

-our biggest fight was when i told him sometimes i have a hard time emotionally while watching his son (he has him part time, thursday night-monday morning, but he works weekends and most sundays so im the one caring for him)

-can talk about other girls/celebrities being hot but gets mad when i even mention another guy

-joked with my brother in law that i was “finger popping my pussy” to a guy when i literally just watched a documentary

-tells me he likes certain celebrities for their personality, not their looks, as if that somehow makes it better

-often just picks up and leaves to his moms house when we are fighting without an explanation

-fight over something then he moves on like nothing happened and expects me to do the same

-tells me i don’t contribute anything financially even though i take care of his son and he has $2000 on my credit card

-told me before he’s tired of holding my hand and that he can’t raise me while also raising his son

-doesn’t like when i talk to anyone about us

-openly tells me he’s going to be a “mean boy”

-ragebaits me, gets mad at me for getting upset when it works, calls me too sensitive, then tells me it’s always something with me

-lost 20lbs since dating, still jokingly calls me fat

-watched me sob in front of him after we had an argument, begged him not to leave (he was going to his moms house because he “didn’t want to deal with this right now”) so we can talk about it and he said “there’s nothing to talk about”. threw laundry in the washer so he had clothes for work, came back in the room to wait for the laundry while i was sobbing. a couple minutes later he went “fix your makeup let’s go get dinner”

-consistently makes jokes about going to strip clubs even though i have told him explicitly that it makes me uncomfortable

-got annoyed with me because i said i was going to start my period. said smth about how that’s great because we are both gonna be in a bad mood. i get crippling pain during my periods

-got tickets for hhn, got into a fight because my brother in law said something that i never even told him and that was untrue to their coworkers at work, told me he’s not taking me because im disrespectful and ungrateful, told my littler sister (who we were taking) we couldn’t go anymore and then he decided he was sorry and when i said i already told my sister we weren’t going he got mad and said well what did you tell her

-flip flops between telling me im so great and i help him so much and do so much for him to saying i never contribute and don’t do enough

there’s definitely more to this but it would just be a lot to write. i really don’t know what im hoping for posting this, just some clarity maybe. i’m sure i left out key details that are needed for context, so feel free to ask any questions.

EDIT: most of you told me what i think i already knew but was scared to admit to myself because i still feel so deeply in love with him. i guess my new question is how can i get myself to leave?

I realize this might sound a bit strange, but I’m at a loss as to what to do.

We are a couple in our late thirties(39M 39F), we’ve been together since the last week of July. I met her just a week after my previous relationship ended. At first, perhaps because I was afraid of being alone, or maybe because I found her incredibly genuine, I fell for her very quickly. We became a couple shortly after. I felt like (and tbh still feel like) hit the jakpot! I really love spending time with her and our goals are soooo aligned. I know I can express my feelings with her and I won't be judged at all. I never experienced this open communication with anyone at all!

Last week, I met up with a friend I’ve known for a long time. I told him I am in a relationship. I mentioned how well we get along and how it feels like we’ve known each other forever. When I showed him her photo, he said, "Wait, isn't that X [my ex-wife's name]? WTF is going on?"

I had noticed a slight facial resemblance before. But after my friend pointed it out, I realized that her manners, way of speaking, and reactions were uncannily similar to my ex-wife's... I don't know how to explain it... It’s been seven years since I divorced my ex-wife; we were together for nine years. We parted ways on very friendly terms, wishing each other happiness. (Our expectations from life and relationship changed) I really hope she is happy.

Now, I have no idea what to do. On one hand, I know that if I tell my girlfriend, she’ll be deeply upset... Even though I have absolutely no lingering feelings for my ex-wife!!! On the other hand, if I don’t tell her, I won’t be being honest about a significant matter. Even if I don't say anything today, if I were to let it slip accidentally one day, the consequences would be far worse.

I have no idea what I should do or how I should handle this... Even if I decide to tell her, I fear she'll say "Oh so you miss your ex". I really really really don't want to lose her.

i'm 18F and my bf is 23M. we have been together for about a year and a half, with a 3 month break between because he blocked me and i ended up going back to him. he lives in Florida and I live in Texas, so we have been long distance with occasional visits (two at this point).

we are planning to move in together in Texas in february. we are both very tired of long distance and it has been hurting our relationship a lot. we are both sick of having to rely on phones and games to keep the relationship alive, and we both want to finally experience a normal relationship in person. when we mentioned moving first, i was hesitant and he told me i was immature and childish for not wanting to move in but since then i've become more excited. though, im starting to worry im ignoring too many problems.

our biggest issue is arguments. i feel like whenever i try to explain something that hurt me or made me upset, he immediately defends himself or explains why he did what he did. sometimes he will acknowledge how i feel but its usually followed with a "but" and turn the conversation back to me. we end up arguing about my reaction instead of what upset me in the first place.

he also withdrawls a lot. sometimes he will leave me on read or distance himself, and i end up being the one trying to fix things. most of the time we end up going back to normal without actually fixing the problem at hand. then when i bring up the same issues or it boils over, he acts like its the first time he is hearing about the problem.

we recently had another argument because he thought i was mad at him. i got upset and lashed out. i know i could have handled my reaction better and i acknowledged it and said im sorry. but when i tried to explain that it was about more than one argument, he kept saying i caused the whole situation and that none of it would've happened if i hadnt reacted the way i did. i couldnt get him to understand why it happened in the first place.

another issue is that im not really allowed to have online friends because he is scared i’ll leave him for someone else. he would also be insecure if i had social media, so i dont have it. because of that, ive lost contact with my old high school friends and i cant make new friends either. i understand that he has insecurities, but i feel like im giving up my own friendships and independence just to make him feel secure.

the reason im struggling so much with this is because we are planning to move in together in february. i am in charge of finding the apartment, managing the finances and everything between. we both feel like our relationship probably wont survive much longer if we stay long distance, and i really want to be with him in person. i love him and i do believe our relationship is better when we are together. but im scared that we will move in together, things will be good for a while, and then we will end up having the same problems all over again.

he also needs to leave his current home around that time and cant afford to stay in the area he lives in now, so i worry about what will happen to him if we dont move in together. i dont want to make a decision based on guilt, but i also dont want to give up on our relationship if these are things we could actually work through.

im just not sure if im ignoring red flags because i love him and want this to work, or if these are problems that we can fix together before moving in. i would appreciate advice from people who have been in similar situations, especially if living together helped their relationship or made the problems worse. what do i

How can I (25F) navigate different views on attraction with my boyfriend (26M)?
My boyfriend recently told me he experienced what he described as sexual tension with a female coworker.
He explained that he felt uncomfortable making eye contact with her and couldn’t interact with her as naturally as he does with other women. He said he wished he could treat her normally but struggled to do so.
When I asked whether he was sexually attracted to her, he said no. When I asked if he felt any attraction, he answered, “Not consciously.”
During our conversation, he also explained that he believes experiencing attraction toward other people is a normal part of being in a committed relationship. From his perspective, the important distinction is whether someone chooses to act on that attraction.
I experience attraction differently. When I’m in love with my boyfriend, I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction toward other men. It’s not something I actively suppress. I simply don’t experience it.
Because of this, I’ve been struggling to understand his perspective, especially since the person involved is a coworker he may continue interacting with regularly.
Our conversation became emotional. He explained that he felt interrogated about an involuntary experience and wanted empathy rather than feeling judged. Meanwhile, I was hoping for reassurance and emotional support because the situation left me feeling hurt and insecure.
I recognize that we may genuinely experience attraction differently, and I want to find a way for us to discuss this without either person feeling dismissed.
I’m interested in hearing from couples who have navigated similar differences in how they experience attraction.
What helped you understand each other’s perspectives? How did you communicate your emotional needs and establish boundaries that worked for both partners?
I’d appreciate advice on how to approach this conversation constructively.

Hi everyone, I hope you guys can give me some perspective on what has happened and what I should do moving forward :)

I (F22) first met this guy (M24) around a year and a half ago. We had a mutual friend (M26), and he started to work in the same place as me. In the beginning I thought he was cute, not only physically but also he is a charming guy-- I wouldn't say it went beyond that though. We would mostly just see each other at work, and when he did he would always start talking to me or asking me questions, which I thought was cute (random hypothetical questions, things of that sort).

He was very awkward, when talking to me he would sometimes just walk off after asking a question, or mid convo, and when I asked him something when he came back he would seem kind of shocked. Still, our mutual friend began inviting me when they would hang out, and I slowly got to know him better and started to get a bit of a crush.

Now, around this time is when I found out that he liked another girl (F19) in the place where we worked. As someone who doesn't like competition and who has had many experiences with unrequited love, I decided I would just advise him on what to do with her and listen to him complain. Even then though, if I'm being honest, I felt like we were a better match: we would be joking around more, playing games, meanwhile around her he would be awkward and she seemed kind of uninterested (of course I'm biased towards thinking we are a good match though, lol). Fast forward a bit, and he confessed to her and got rejected. I was the first person he told about this, and I honestly consoled him about it. But this is when things get weird...

Before then, I would say we were quite obviously just friends. Maybe some moment here and there of him telling me I'm beautiful, or me telling him that he was great when we were insecure. But after that point, we started seeing each other more during work, and he started to make jokes. He would joke around with our boss about being in love with me, about how I was his girl, and the boss would joke about how he should act around me. It became a running gag in the workplace, everyone talking about how we were in love with each other. Frankly, I think anyone who knows me would know that I wouldn't let a joke like that slide unless I like the person, which is why I took all this joking as a clear sign that something might be developing.

He was always very nice, would always help me and calm me down when I was getting stressed, and he genuinely made working there so much more fun. One time he even asked me if I wanted to go out to a bar with him; I said yes, and then he reacted super surprised and backed out of it before I could answer properly. I started to really love him, hang out with him more, and become closer to him. When he quit the company I was so sad, I would randomly feel like crying while working. But I decided that even if we didn't see each other at work, I wanted to stay close to him.

This is when I started to get even closer to his friend group from outside of work. At work, the jokes about us dating or being married were common, but with his friends that whole dynamic died down a lot. I think the only time the concept was even mentioned was once during truth or dare, where a guy asked if I ever had a workplace crush and someone joked that it was this guy I liked. I still had a lot of fun hanging out with him, and frankly I was starting to feel like maybe I should tell him how I feel. We had gone on trips together, hung out many times with friends and alone, and I really was feeling like things were progressing.

This is when it happened: he said that he was going on a trip to meet a girl who he used to be friends with years ago. They had fallen out of touch, and she reached out a month before. I was shocked, but well it's not like I can tell him not to go. This is where I really want to understand some things.

During the time before this trip, all of his friends kept talking about her, calling her his girlfriend and saying that he should tell them all about it when he got back. I would be hanging out with them getting anxious at the thought of her getting brought up, since I would need to keep a straight face even when I felt like puking from being so jealous.

One day I blew up at him because of some stuff (basically frustration with him piling up during the day), and I told him that I get jealous when he talks about the trip. He was super understanding, and told me he hadn't even noticed and he felt bad that he had made me feel like that.

Even after that point, I had to hear about it all the time, primarily through other people telling me how excited he was to go. There's also another interesting detail: when I was in the conversation, his explanation of why he was going to meet her was much closer to "this is a friend who I miss very much and that's why I'm excited to see her," meanwhile with other people the narrative seemed to be more "I'm not sure what's gonna happen, I don't wanna put my expectations on this but I'm definitely hoping something will happen between us".

This was when I did something I'm not sure was such a good idea. Basically, I kept thinking about what would happen if he came back from this trip and they were dating, and I decided that I had to tell him how I felt. I told him over text right before he boarded the plane (horrible timing I feel), and he told me he loved me as a friend but didn't feel the same, and had never imagined I felt this way either. Then he goes on this trip, gets rejected by the girl, and suddenly no one talks about it in front of me anymore. I sometimes catch them talking, but only when they think I'm not listening.

Now everything is awkward: sometimes when I joke he'll get weirdly defensive, or if I hear about something to do with his love life I'll still get triggered. It's like we are walking on eggshells around each other, and it makes me so sad because we really used to be so close, and I miss being able to just hang out with him normally :(

I have a few things I would like an outsider perspective on:

1. How would you interpret the workplace jokes? Is this kind of teasing common between friends without romantic feelings being involved? And what do you make of the fact that he didn't continue it after leaving the workplace environment?

2. I found it confusing that he seemed to describe his reasons for visiting this girl differently depending on who he was talking to. After the trip, our mutual friends also largely stopped mentioning it around me. I want to understand better why the story was being presented differently to me

3. I really miss how comfortable our friendship used to be, and I don't want to lose that connection. How can I approach the awkwardness between us, especially when he's someone who tends to avoid difficult conversations? If I were to talk to him, what would be some good topics to discuss?

TLDR: confessed to my friend who used to flirt with me at work, got rejected, now everything is awkward. Want to know what to do now and understand what happened a bit better