r/relationship_advice • u/One-Pop-2174 • 8h ago

I(20f) tend to struggle around the holidays, how can I avoid making it my bf's(26m) problem?

I(20f) don't have any family and that makes the holidays a bit hard for me. I went no contact with my family on my 18th birthday, it was for the best but I have a deep ache to have a true family of my own.

My BF and I have been together for 2 years now and we normally just go to his family's events for the holidays. Every year though I've been struggling to enjoy the holidays. His family is very kind and are all really welcoming to me. Dispite this, I still seem to not get really down around the holidays.

I wish I just didn't have to take part in any of the festivities but it is bf's favorite holiday. I do my best to not make it my BF's problem because he has done more than enough for me, and this is an internal issue to figure out. He still picks up on my energy being off though, and it's not fair to him to have to keep repeating this every year.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can move past this?

3 Upvotes

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2

u/ReadMeDrMemory 7h ago

"I wish I just didn't have to take part in any of the festivities." You don't. It's a choice you are making, and it's not necessarily benefitting either of you. "This is an internal issue to figure out." Nonsense. It's external: you're denying you own feelings to placate someone else.

2

u/RevolutionaryMap9620 7h ago

just tell him everything you told him in this post. honesty in a relationship can be difficult but it’s a valuable skill to learn especially from such a young age

1

u/AnIcyReception 7h ago

You're trying to support him and show up for him, even though you're struggling yourself. He can accept that if you go to his family's gathering, your energy will be off, or he can go alone. You aren't making it his problem. If he expects you to go and act like you are all cheery and happy, that's unreasonable and unfair of him.

1

u/Competitive_Ninja668 6h ago

I feel this same way. So every year I go volunteer somewhere. Some years the animal shelter, some years the soup kitchen and some years at children’s hospital. 

1

u/darklingdawns 4h ago

Please get into therapy to address your upbringing, if you aren't already. This is something you need help processing, and trying to ignore it and enjoy the holidays is not going to help you.