I (28F) met my boyfriend (29M) through seasonal work at a resort in a small mountain town, about an hour away from the nearest larger city. We’ve been together for about eight months, and while I really enjoy our relationship, I’m starting to have some serious concerns about his financial situation and how it’s affecting me.
A few months into our relationship, we planned a three-week road trip that included camping, national parks, and a few major cities. We discussed the cost beforehand, and I estimated we’d each need around $3,000 for the trip. He never expressed any concerns about being able to afford it.
About a week into the trip, he told me he’d run out of money. I ended up covering most of his expenses for the remainder of the trip, and by the time we got home, he owed me around $1,000. He eventually paid me back in installments, but it was frustrating because I felt like this could have been avoided with better planning or communication.
Shortly after we returned, he became fed up with our job and walked out. He found another position that technically pays more per hour, but he no longer has access to the overtime or benefits he had at our previous job.
Not long after that, his car was repossessed.
We live in a very small town where grocery stores, shopping, and most activities require a significant drive. I have a car, so suddenly I felt like his transportation had become my responsibility. He tried to put a positive spin on the situation, saying that without a car payment or insurance, he’d be able to save more money.
About a month ago, I booked a birthday cruise with my parents. He wanted to come along and assured me he could afford it, so I booked his ticket and he reimbursed me.
Unfortunately, the same thing happened again. While we were on the cruise, he ran out of money, and I ended up covering his expenses until he could pay me back afterward.
Now, his current job has started cutting his hours, and I’ve recently learned that he has no savings and no established credit. He also refuses to get a credit card.
What concerns me most is that we’d previously discussed taking a few weeks off between seasonal jobs, moving across the country together, and signing a lease at our next destination. I’m now realizing that none of that is financially realistic for him. Without savings or credit, I would likely be the one responsible for securing the apartment and taking on the financial risk of the lease.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that earlier in our relationship, he told me he owned a home in California. Naturally, I assumed that meant he had some financial stability or possibly rental income. I later found out that he doesn’t actually own the home. He expects to inherit it when his mother passes away.
I want to be clear that I don’t expect my partner to be wealthy or make a certain amount of money. I understand that seasonal work can be unpredictable, and people go through financial struggles. What bothers me is the repeated lack of planning, the assurances that he can afford things when he clearly can’t, and the fact that I’m increasingly being put in situations where I have to cover for him financially.
We’ve only been together for eight months, and I’m already feeling like I’m taking on responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine. I’m financially independent, and I’ve worked hard to put myself in a position where I can travel, save, and enjoy my life without constantly worrying about money.
I care about him, but I’m starting to wonder whether we’re simply at different stages in life or if these are signs of a much bigger problem.
I am reconsider the relationship over this. Is this something that can realistically improve, or am I setting myself up to become financially responsible for another adult?

I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 17 and 18. We’re now 27 and 28, with a beautiful 2.5-year-old daughter. I have spent essentially my entire adult life with this man. At one point, I was working in banking, making my own money, and had some sense of independence. Now, I have absolutely nothing.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, something my partner encouraged and glorified. He makes well over $150k a year, and the idea was that he would provide financially while I stayed home and raised our daughter. But somewhere along the way, I lost every bit of independence I had.
My car went out, and I haven’t gotten another one. I don’t have my own income. I don’t have savings. I don’t have money to my name unless he gives it to me. I’m 27 years old, and I can’t even get in a car and go somewhere on my own without asking to use his. The scariest part is realizing that if I wanted to leave tomorrow, I genuinely don’t know how I would.
I have no financial foundation to fall back on. No transportation. No idea how I’d afford a place to live, childcare, or even the basic necessities while trying to get back on my feet. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. I don’t regret being home with her for a second. But I am starting to feel like I’ve sacrificed my entire identity and independence in the process. I also don’t want to leave and lose custody of my daughter to him because of what I don’t have. I’m just sad and scared. I never imagined I’d reach this age and feel so helpless. I thought we were building a life together. I thought being a stay-at-home mom and having a partner who provided meant security. Instead, I feel completely dependent on another person for my survival.
And emotionally, I’m struggling more than I can put into words. There’s been a lot of cheating, getting another woman pregnant, simply emotional torment. I’m scared that if I stay in this situation, it will destroy me. My nerves are so shot and my energy is drained.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I’m not looking for someone to tell me to “just leave.” I wish it were that simple. I’m looking for genuine advice from women or even men who have been here.
How did you rebuild your life when you had no money, no transportation, and a child to care for? How did you find work, secure housing, and become independent again?
I feel like I’m starting from absolutely nothing at 27, and I don’t know how to find my way out. I’m just looking for guidance so I can begin rebuilding a life of my own.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read & especially respond.

Sorry for using the term partner, we always say that so I typed it naturally. Just to clarify, we are not married or even engaged. He’s just my boyfriend.

I’m using a throwaway account because she has Reddit.

My girlfriend is away for the next two or three weeks, visiting friends. She’s only been gone for a couple of days, and everything has been fine until last night. She mentioned going out with one of her girlfriends, which I didn’t mind since she’s there to visit her friends. I appreciated that she told me the name of the place and who she was going with. A couple of hours later, I hadn’t heard from her, which wasn’t a big deal, so I checked her location. It was getting late, and I wanted to see if she made it back to where she was staying.

When I checked her location, I noticed she was at a completely different place than where she had said she was going. I didn’t want to panic or accuse her of anything, so I texted her to check in and ask about the venue. She immediately texted me back, asking how I knew she was there and then called me.

I’ll give credit where it’s due because as soon as she called, she admitted that they had changed their plans at the last minute because the venue they had initially chosen closed sooner than expected. That made sense. Then, without knowing at the time, I asked how her how her friend was doing, and that’s when she got really quiet on the phone for a minute before telling me that she hadn’t gone out with her girlfriend at all. Instead, she had met up with one of her male friends and they were hanging out for the night.

I’m not entirely against having friends of the opposite gender; it doesn’t bother me. I have a few female friends, but I wouldn’t go out with them one-on-one, especially at night or without being very upfront with my girlfriend if I did. However, she did the exact opposite and lied about her whereabouts and her companion.

As of this morning, she’s been unusually attentive to her phone, which is out of character for her. She spammed me in the morning with a bunch of different things, including photos from her trip so far, affirmations, and a few other things that are honestly out of character for her, especially via the phone. I can’t help but feel like she might be overcompensating for something.

I’m genuinely curious and would appreciate your input. I’d like to hear both male and female perspectives on this situation and how you might handle it if your partner did the same.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and overall things are fantastic. Communication is great in other areas, her emotional intelligence is wonderful, and sex is fantastic.

One thing that has started to become a friction point though, is that she will often give explanations for my medical issues with full conviction, but she's often either wrong or can't back up her claims. Often she's trying to give me advice, like telling me I NEED to get more sodium to resolve my chronic migraines. I just want to vent about things sometimes without receiving a lecture from someone that isn't a doctor about my own health.

When I try to correct her or shut her down, she often doubles down. When I fact check her, she acts hurt, like I've somehow insulted her. I just don't trust anyone's opinions on medical advice like that, especially not about chronic conditions I've dealt with my whole life.

I've tried explaining to her that I don't appreciate the unsolicited medical advice, especially when it may not always be accurate, but she hasn't stopped.

Can you suggest any better ways I can communicate my frustrations to her? Specifically, how can I better articulate that I don't want unqualified opinions on my health?

Edit to add: My migraines are just one facet, she does this about everything to do with health and my body. My breast developmenthas plateued (I'm transgender)? I obviously should try gel instead of injections. My new ADHD meds give me headaches? It's probably messing with my metabolic processes. It's just everything and everything. It's reminding me of a grandma or aunty telling me confidently what would definitely for sure fix my issues.

I was seeing someone (F, 31) not for very long, just shy of a month. But it was the best connection I’ve had in my life. We were talking for hours on the phone many nights of the week when we weren’t going on dates. I felt completely seen for the first time in my life. She had all these tender, gentle ways of showing affection. She seems to just look at me and know everything I needed and wanted without me ever having to say a word. One time I started the spiral from anxiety and she just grabbed the sides of my face and… she knew everything to say, and I was right as rain. She’d hold my hands like it was a worry stone, pressing her fingers into my palm, turning it over like she was committing it to memory. I’ve never had anything like that before. Such natural, gentle affection.

Tuesday before last we had dinner plans. I had been anxious from the night before and I take a prescribed medication to manage it that I’d only ever taken at night. I had a lot of panic attacks that came at night because of some things that happened at night with an abusive ex. I had made special plans at the restaurant. She had been telling me the night before how a rose I gave her had wilted. I planned for roses to be at the table when we got there for dinner. It wasn’t a big deal. We weren’t like celebrating anything. But I didn’t want to be anxious for dinner. I wanted to do something special for her and to show up steady for her. So that day I took my anxiety medicine at 11am so I’d be rested and panic free by dinner. It made me really sleepy and I thought I’d lay down for a bit. Last thing I remember is she texted me something.

At 2am I woke up convinced I’d slept through our date, my head was pounding. I felt like I was drunk. I was really confused and frighted. I was fully dressed in the clothes I planned to wear to dinner, which is strange cause I had laid down wearing just a T-shirt and shorts. I scrambled to text her an apology and that’s when I saw it. I had been texting her all day. Really needy pushy texts that were embarrassing and hard to read for me. That same afternoon she had replied with a frustrated text and had told me she needed space. I didn’t know what was happening. I called 988 in a panic. In the morning, I called my doctor, my mother who’s a nurse, and I talked to my psychiatrist for a hour.

What my psychiatrist told me happened was I had a paradoxical reaction to the medication. Instead of calming me down, it did the opposite. I had disinhibition, spiraled, I lost most of the day. And now I have amnesia. I had no idea the medication could even do any of this. The doctor figures that I was sleeping through all the ill effects since I was only ever taking it at night before bed. Also said that I hadn’t taken it in a while, so it affected me really strongly.

Most of what I was able to figure out happened during the day I had to piece together via evidence around my house. Some standout examples include: I opened every crystal light packet in my kitchen and left them on the counter unused. I ate 4 lb tub of peanut butter. I stacked all the wooden items from my desk, including a tape dispenser and a stapler like they were wooden blocks under the desk. I wrote nonsense into a work project. I sent dream like messages I have no memory of. I immediately stopped the medication and I’m switching providers.

I explained all of this to her and apologized for how I acted. I wasn’t trying to excuse myself from it. I wanted to be clear that I need to be accountable for how I acted. That I was deeply embarrassed, and when she was finished needing space that I could answer more. She didn’t talk to me for several days and I assumed she was just taking the space that she asked for. I called her and it went straight to voicemail. I reached out to her on Instagram, and she told me how I was a terrible liar. She said that I didn’t do anything wrong and she didn’t care about how I acted, but she thought I’d made up the explanation, and the lie was a huge red flag.

I didn’t lie. I offered her everything, the bottle, the prescription, the doctor’s notes from the next day, a call with my mom, the insane time stamped messages I had sent to my workstation throughout the day, I even offered my phone completely unlocked for her to go through. She said “I’ll pass.” Then she blocked me on Instagram.

The irony is that she had once called me drunk and didn’t remember an hour long conversation with me. I had to tell her about it the next day. I never held any of it against her. I just gave her grace. I’m not pretending she’s a perfect person, I’m certainly not. She and I had both been recently divorced in the last year or two, and I knew we were going through a lot of the same things, and I was just happy to be spending time with her. But then the one time something happened to me that I couldn’t control, I didn’t get any of that grace back.

I’m respecting the blocks. I’m not going to contact her through anyone or anything else. But I can’t stop replaying it. I did everything an honest person would do, and to her it still looked like a cover story. The ex that abused me gaslit me really badly for years. I’m not a very good liar, and I feel so uncomfortable with lying that I generally don’t. I feel like lying on even a small scale is doing to other people what was done to me. So she broke up with me for being a liar when I was telling her the absolute truth. And if I had just played it off and lied we’d still be together.

Has anyone been on either side of something like this? Do people ever come back around after deciding you lied? And how do you stop needing them to know the truth?

TL;DR: I had a documented bad reaction to my prescribed medication and blacked out for most of a day. She thinks I invented the explanation, turned down all my proof, and blocked me everywhere. I didn’t lie, and I don’t know how to let it go.

Hi, to all the readers, please no judgement. I'm 22F and my husband is 29M. We've been married for 4 years and have an infant together. I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart and starting to wonder what life would be without him.

He's a great husband. But a terrible father.

Let me explain: he's the type of guy that wants babies like children want puppies. He was happy to help for the first two weeks, then dipped. Returned to his hobbies and work schedule and stopped helping. For that reason alone, I'm starting to wonder what life would be without him. I keep wondering how easy life would be if I just take care of my son and I. There would be less work for me.

I don't think he's willing to change either. I'm scared...

Scared of having a conversation. I want to give my son a sibling, but I can't. I can't have another child with this man. I'm so conflicted. I love him as a husband but hate him as a father. What are your thoughts and advice?

TLDR: My husband and I have a baby together. He wants another child but I can't do it again. I'm basically living the single married mom life. He's a great husband, but a terrible father. He never helps out with the baby, only when I have to ask 10,000 times. Now I'm dreaming of a life without him and I'm scared of that reality.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 9 months. We are both currently in college but go to different schools. He comes from a family with significant wealth (They pay for him to go to a private university, he has his dad’s credit card, things like that) and he hasn’t had a job since high school. I on the other hand am not financially supported by my family in the ways he is. We are not poor by any means but I have to work to pay for my car insurance, gas, groceries, and just everyday expenses for a college student. Recently my job hasn’t been given me a lot of hours and I was talking to him about how I was a bit stressed because I have to buy new tires for my car soon and Halloween is coming up which I really enjoy. This made him a bit upset and he started talking about how I was obsessing over money and that I shouldn’t be working during school. He also had issue with me working over the summer to save up for a car saying that “summer is the time to relax.” I try to explain to him that I need to work if I want to have my own money because my parents don’t financially support me the way his do but he always says that I waste my money on shopping and other things rather than saving (which I do have money in savings so that’s not even true). I just don’t know how to get him to understand that not everyone is privileged enough to have their daddy’s credit card on Apple Pay to pay for his meals, outings with his friends, and even sometimes our dates. I don’t want to put it that harshly but I just want him to recognize his privilege and not paint me as some money obsessed person.

for years, his hygiene routine has been good. sometimes he had a musty smell after sweating a lot, but never repulsive. within the last 4-6 weeks, his breath and body smell repulsive to me. i thought it was because he wasn’t washing properly, but he does his same routine. he even brushed his teeth and immediately came to kiss me and it only lightly dampened the smell

last month my husband was diagnosed with fatty liver and high cholesterol. he is definitely overweight and has been sorta trying to eat better and exercise (admittedly, he still overeats and spends hours stagnant). i saw some stuff that these specific issues can cause someone’s smell to change. that would be the only cause i can think of. i am not pregnant. the only medical issues i’ve had recently are enterocolitis and appendicitis. but the smells started way before those issues started

has someone experienced something similar? like your own scent changed, or you noticed someone else’s scent changed? maybe you, or they, were diagnosed with a medical condition?

My dad has been in Australia for 25 years & never learned English.

They are extremely hard working & never relied on government hand out but they never stepped out of their native community.

My parents never really tried to learn language and if I can go back in time, I would force them to learn English.

They have relied on us since we were teens for disputing bills, council & government affairs or home maintanence. My dad said "I am letting you do it so you know how to deal with these things when you grow up". Back then,I had so much anxiety over dealing with these issues when I was a teen because I was not mature enough.

The anxiety grew into fearing tasks I have to do,even if they are easy to do. I procastinate a lot because even small tasks seem so daunting.

Eventually, my husband came into my life & he showed me how to handle things like a mature adult & to never let people take advantage of me. Since I met him, I started to feel like an adult pro max because he taught me how to be smart & get the best out of life.

My dad was very upset when he found out my husband was white. Because he will be pushed out of his grandkid's life because they will speak English & he couldn't. I said "Nobody is pushing you away.. it is up to you if you want to be present in their lives". Anyways.. my life is too good right now, so I decided I am going to enjoy it without kids.

The truth is, I love my parents. I want to help them. I just hate they put themselves into such helpless, clueless adults who can not solve any problem by themselves. Both of them recently lost their jobs as their factories went bankrupt, I had to call my dad's work to solve things for him, update his resume, file for employee benefit claims, apply for jobs.

It was like I actually lost the job myself.

And now my mom wants to do Cert III in Support Work. I don't understand how she is so confident she can do it with minimal English. But I am reluctant because I will actually be the one studying to teach her back in our language.

I get anxious every time I get a call from my parents... because it means they have a problem that will soon be mine.

The heater is not working, the pipe is leaking, the cat is sick, there is a duplicate bill, the car won't start, tell my manager I can't come to work tomorrow, I need these forms filled, translate this for me, can you take me to my appointment...etc..

I am mad that they never learned but I am also empathetic they missed out so much of the world. I can travel anywhere in this world by myself, they can only go where I take them.

Edit: I know a lot of you blame me for enabling this behaviour. Mind you, I am in a position where I cannot refuse because of cultural & religious reasons. They just wait for me to literally do everything for them and get annoyed if I hesitate. They had resources to help them learn but my mom still blame us for not helping her learn English.

Hi, I have never used this app to write in, so please bear with me. PS I also keep getting this post removed… Please I just need advice.

I feel like I’m at a loss with my marriage. We have our son who’s 3 years old and a small town community where divorce is frowned upon, work through whatever you need to to make it work. I just need to know if what I’m going through is normal and something that can be worked through or if it’s time to call it.

Two weekends ago we left for Idaho to see my family and bury my mom’s ashes. We had already planned a weekend prior to that weekend but my husband said that he did not want to go that weekend and just relax and said let’s do it in October, so we did. As we’re driving there him and I are having a conversation but he kept making comments about how long I look for Halloween costumes on my phone and making a big deal about it. I asked to get coffee and he sighed and said that we can never just come to town and go straight to their house we always have to get coffee, so we didn’t end up getting any. He made a couple other comments that made me feel like he didn’t want to be there and I brought that up. He said if it were up to him he would be sitting at home and not driving to Idaho. That really hurt me because I have been needing this closure of burying my mom’s ashes. I kind of freaked out on him and started crying and our son noticed and he said “yep that’s what happens when you run your mouth”. And never comforted me at all. On our way back home from Idaho he kept making small comments about what I prefer and like and was negative every time. I finally asked, do you even like me? I feel like every little thing I do, you have something negative to say. Then he flipped the script on me and said I’m negative for even bringing that up and the whole way home was all about how I’m the problem, he said he doesn’t know why we work things out if we’re just going to end up divorced..

I said we need therapy, he said no. I said okay what about getting closer to god? He said idk if I believe anymore because of your miscarriage and mom dying. There’s nothing to work with anymore. I truly don’t know what to do.

He doesn’t like my work friends, he says that he hates having to be fake and pretend like they have anything interesting to say. I put in so much effort to be apart of his life, he doesn’t do the same for mine.

Everytime I bring up my feelings it’s met with how I’m the bad guy, every single time. I am never validated for how I feel. When I cry, he turns his head and doesn’t acknowledge me.

There’s so much more history but this is what’s setting me over. He doesn’t even say he wants this marriage to work out. But he says he doesn’t want a divorce?

Idk I feel so confused over the conversations we have, the things he used to put in effort for like dates and flowers, no more.

Please help!!

One of my coworkers and close friends recently got engaged and is very excited (as she should be) about wedding planning. She wants me involved in every step of the process and I honestly feel like I can't breathe. I love love and usually love weddings and planning but I just can't get over feeling incredibly jealous. She has in my eyes the perfect relationship with a man who would do anything for her and is happy essentially being a house husband. We both work pretty intense jobs. I have had multiple relationships crash and burn because I "work too much" or am "too ambitious" and honestly feel lonely, frustrated, and disillusioned with dating and love. I find myself consumed with jealousy every time we hang out which is genuinely a new emotion for me. I have great friends, am doing well in my job, and am actively seeing a guy (though I don't think he is the one). I'm doing fine on paper- I'm good at my job, I'm dating a guy who is nice but probably not the one, etc. I just can't shake the overall feeling of being unhappy and being around this friend greatly intensifies it. It's gotten to the point where I make excuses not to see her and muted her on instagram so I don't have to see the endless stream of instagram content. I know this is a me issue. I'm in therapy. I just don't know how to handle things going forward. I feel like I'll hurt her feelings if I withdraw but I also can't keep showing up to things and smiling right now (or I guess technically I can but it's painful).

I’ll call my (27F) bf Ben (30M) for the purposes of this post. We’ve been dating for 5 months.

Since we’ve been dating, all my friends (male and female 25-33) he’s met think there’s something wrong with him. It’s either that he’s antisocial (he doesn’t talk much in groups and he’s just not very big into humour, and me and my friends are), or he’s controlling (he picks me up from places rather than me taking cabs, and he bought me a home security system), or intimidating, or we don’t have enough in common (is he supposed to like shopping and Pilates?). They also have an issue that he boxes quite often (not professionally), they think that’s a sign he’s physically aggressive. 

Everyone in my life says Ben seems “intense”. Which ok, that one is fair. But I like that about him. I like that he’s ambitious, and serious. Yes he’s different to me but I like that, and I’ve always liked that. I don’t want someone who talks all the time or has to be the centre of attention. 

I really like him. He’s incredibly intelligent, and attentive, and since the day I met him any time I have a problem he’s gone out of his way to help. And then everyone turns around and calls it love bombing and I feel embarrassed for even thinking he cares. 

I don’t want to be that girl who says everyone’s wrong about it and it’s turns out the red flags were there all along. But on the other hand I’m sick of everything hangout becoming an intervention because my boyfriend doesn’t “fit in”. 

Are friends normally right about this kind of thing? Does he sound completely weird? Is it weird that I don’t feel like he’s strange? Am I expecting too much of my friends by thinking they should keep their opinions to themselves? Am I being really naive to concerning behaviour? 

TLDR; my friends think my boyfriend is all wrong for me, but I don’t think they’re being fair. But I am scared I’m blind to something that they see. 

I'm 22M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We've been together for a year, and I genuinely want this relationship to last. I love her personality, the way she thinks, her inner world, and so many little things about her. I don't want to break up with her. I want us to build a future together.

But I'm scared that, over time, I'll end up carrying both of us through life.

Right now, my girlfriend doesn't have a job, struggles to keep up with household chores, rarely socializes outside our relationship, and doesn't seem to take much initiative in building a life of her own.

I'm not expecting her to become a career woman or earn as much money as I do. I'd be perfectly happy if she had an ordinary job, some friends, her own interests, and a reasonable level of independence. I don't need her to be exceptionally ambitious. I just want to feel that we're both actively participating in our lives and our future.

We've talked about this several times. I've encouraged her to look for work and even helped her explore opportunities. I've also asked her to take more responsibility for household chores. She usually understands my concerns and agrees that things need to change, and I believe she genuinely means it. But after our conversations, things tend to return to how they were. She doesn't consistently follow through.

I know this isn't necessarily simple laziness. She struggles with anxiety and emotional difficulties, and being alone or having a life outside our relationship can be hard for her. I understand that these things can affect motivation and make change difficult. I've also noticed some recent improvements, so I don't believe she's incapable of moving forward.

I love her, and I want to support her. But I'm struggling to understand where supporting someone ends and becoming responsible for their entire life begins.

I'm currently working and trying to become more financially independent. I have my own goals, and I'm trying to build a better future for myself. I don't have everything figured out, but I try to take steps forward even when I'm tired or unmotivated.

I want her to have that same sense of ownership over her life.

My biggest fear is that I'll eventually become responsible for practically everything: earning money, making plans, managing the household, solving problems, and keeping our future on track. If I want a comfortable life, I worry that I'll have to earn enough to compensate for everything she doesn't do.

Even if I became financially successful, I worry that I'd still feel alone in the responsibility of making our life work.

I don't want to be someone's parent. I want to be someone's partner.

To be clear, I'm not demanding an exact 50/50 split of income or household responsibilities. Relationships aren't always equal in that way. If my partner were struggling, I'd gladly support her. What scares me is temporary support gradually becoming a permanent arrangement in which I'm responsible for both of us, while she has little responsibility for herself.

I also want her to have a life outside our relationship. I'd like her to have friends, personal interests, goals, and experiences that don't always involve me. I want her to be able to pursue her own desires, make decisions independently, and eventually manage her own money and responsibilities.

Not because I want to distance myself from her, but because I want us to be two independent people choosing to share our lives, rather than one person becoming the center of the other's entire existence.

The difficult part is that I love her as she is. I don't want to change her personality or force her to become someone she's not. I don't think she's a bad person because she struggles, and I don't expect her to transform overnight.

But I also believe that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're compatible in the way you approach responsibility and the future.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I became financially successful while she stayed exactly as she is now. Would I spend my life compensating for everything she doesn't do? Would I eventually become resentful? Would I feel trapped by a situation I had willingly accepted?

I've even considered the possibility of living separately while remaining in a relationship, if that eventually became necessary for us to have more independence. I don't want to use that as a threat or punish her. I just don't want to reach a point where staying together means putting my own future on hold or becoming responsible for every aspect of hers.

I'm also afraid of hurting her by bringing this up. I struggle to express myself clearly during difficult conversations, and I'm worried that frustration might make me say something harsher than I intend. But avoiding the conversation isn't helping either of us.

I want to encourage her without constantly pushing her. I want to support her without becoming her personal manager. Most importantly, I want to see that she genuinely wants to participate in her own life and our shared future, even if her progress is slow.

I'd appreciate honest opinions, including criticism of my perspective. I know you're only hearing my side, and I may have blind spots.

I'm especially interested in practical advice from people who've been in similar relationships: how did you encourage your partner to become more independent without constantly managing their responsibilities? What boundaries helped you support someone you love without gradually becoming responsible for their entire life?

I want this relationship to work. I'm trying to understand how to build a future together without becoming the only person responsible for getting us there.

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and want a future with her, but she struggles to take initiative with work, household responsibilities, and building a life outside our relationship. I understand that she has emotional difficulties, and I want to support her without becoming responsible for everything. How can I encourage her independence while maintaining healthy boundaries?

My bf (M/42) proposed to me (F/32) in front of my mom, told me not to tell anyone about it, then he took the ring back a day later and said he didn't think it through enough but that I have too low of an "SES" (socioeconomic status) and he doesnt see me being able to climb the social ranks. He really wants cultured, educated friends.
We've dated 8 years and have a house and a pet. He never lies, yells, or swears, and he's a "genius" (top 1% IQ), so I thought he was like a super safe/healthy bet at first, but he has commitment issues and OCD.
The moving in, the I love you - every checkpoint of the relationship took a ton of self advocacy to even get to.
The exception was the house - he needed my $ for that, so that was easy.
Idk why I did this really, but here I am.
My dad said just leave "spontaneously" on a weekday.
I'd have to move into my dad's basically crack house. My parents were kind of normal and wealthy (but new money wealthy), but then both went off the deep end when I was in my 20s (dad - drugs/women, mom - idrk some kind of ptsd thing but she also hallucinates). I am 32 now, and I don't hang out with my parents - it's just kind of the only choice I have...
Anyway, any thoughts? People say I'm pretty and I do want kids and a loving relationship. I don't think this guy will give me that...

me & my partner have been together for about nine months, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it and thought everything was going really reallyy well, but a month ago she said that she has bottled stuff up that she feels she can’t communicate, even though i really try to tell her there is nothing to worry about telling me anything; breaking up w/ me and saying she doesn't know if she ever loved me..
it hit me like a truck, i had zero clue anything like this was coming & was preparing for a date night right before. i sobbing, cried to myself for like 7min there on the spot with out saying anything. i felt like i could barley speak, and that’s when she told me how she was feeling.
after some back & forth talking for an hour about things, she decided to say never mind, she just feels like she doesn't know who she is right now. had a fun date night after & she said i love you on her way out next morning.
been feelings of self consciousness around making her feel rushed w/ feelings or second guessing myself more w/ saying i love you started to come, but not distressing.
last week, after a walk around the park, said she wanted to break up. saying we are such different people & doesn't know how to communicate being herself. but i said 'we have always been so different from each other & i love that, theres nothing to worry about telling me i promise'. there was other things said I’m spacing on, but i didn't feel impacted by it at all this last time. i truly care about her & love her though. after talking for a couple hours we watching movie while drinking & smoking. i was trying not to cry as emotions crept up during a bit. she decided to spend the night. she starting holding my hand, and fully of her own accord starting to initiate sexual advances. we did very passionately. the next morning she was quiet. said she didn't know why she did that, left and said she still wants to say super close still & to hang out in the next few days.
a few days late i asked if she wanted to & replied with 'i need at least a week or so'
i said 'okay there is no rush at all :)'
this is her second serious relationship & i'd say my 3-4th. I’m just very confused & don’t know what happened. really wanting some outside advice because I’m too nervous to talk to anyone about this.
what would you do in this situation?

for context my boyfriend (22M) and I (23F) have been together for three years. the whole first year of our relationship was good, overall. we are each other’s first relationship and each other’s first loves. we fell in love easily and fast. the biggest thing that brought us together was how easily we clicked, we were instantly like best friends, always wanting to be around one another, always having nothing but fun and laughs.
however, looking back, I always sort of succumbed to his wants and needs. he never asked this of me, in fact, in more recent conversations we’ve had, he’s said that he wishes I would stop doing this. he wants me to have what I want. however, I love him and my love for him caused me to always put his wants before my own, at my own expense, and I always shoved aside my own feelings to lift his up. again, he never asked this of me. I know I placed this burden on myself.
I feel like I slowly chipped away bits and pieces of myself throughout our relationship. about a year in, he went through about a year-long bout of really bad depression/suicidal ideation. it was incredibly hard to go through at his side. of course, I stayed. despite how cruel he could at times be, despite how hard it was to try and help him through, I put his wants and needs first. I never expressed how lonely I felt. how burdened I felt to be the only thing that was keeping him alive (there were a few instances during this period where he had expressed that I was his only reason for keeping on). because I felt like his happiness, and in a big way, his life depended on my availability to him and willingness to stick with him through this, I was put under so much pressure. pressure that I bore silently, because I wanted so badly for him to be able to focus on his own well-being, and not feel the weight that I was feeling.
eventually, he did get through this, thank goodness. he came out the other end. he has bad days/periods as we all do, but he truly did get much better. he was able to get help through therapy, and through maintaining his own separate hobbies/friendships that bring him immense joy.
in this past, third year of our relationship, it’s like the tables have turned however. while it is not solely due to the pressure I felt in our relationship (there were external life factors as well), I feel like I lost a lot of control. I felt as if I had zero control over my life, over what was happening to me and around me. my mental health began to suffer, and I developed a really bad eating disorder. one that I hid from him for many months before I admitted it to him. he tried to help me, but he has never been the kind of man who reacts with empathy or a gentle touch. he was raised with an iron fist, so he reacted the same way when my mental health problems/eating disorder was brought up. he made me feel dumb for allowing such a problem to fester for so long, for me to allow it to get so bad, and for not being able to fully recover or fix it myself.
through the past few months, all we do is fight. fight about my eating habits, fight about our relationship, fight about how we keep going. he grew incredibly resentful of me during this period, and I can’t say I blame him. I was so self-occupied and struggling so much that I can’t say that I was a great partner. I barely felt like much of a person at all.
during one big fight we had, where I pushed him away, he said that I was the worst person to be with, and that I was a shitty girlfriend, and “of course, you’re the kind of person I get stuck with to be my first girlfriend”. he called me small, and weak, and dumb. truthfully, I think he was partially right. I was. but knowing that he felt that way about me, I just couldn’t take it. we broke up for a month over the summer, we needed time to cool off and give each other space.
we got back together, and since then we’ve had plenty of great moments, but also so many bad bad arguments and really hard conversations. during one argument, he berated me terribly. he called me mediocre, said my whole life was mediocre and that I had basically smashed myself down until I became nothing. again, I don’t know if I can argue with him much on that point. I did make myself incredibly small during the past year, but hearing your boyfriend of three years say all these horrible things about your character, things that he had said he has felt practically since the beginning, and just held inside because he didn’t want to be an asshole. sucks. it made me rethink the integrity of the entire three years we’ve been together. has he ever really liked me? I know he loves me. I know we are close, like friends. but he flat out said, he does not like me. he thinks me boring, small, mediocre, and nothing. how do I reconcile with that? I would never say the kinds of things he said to me to him, especially if I knew he was actively struggling with his mental health.I could never belittle and berate him like that, even if I was angry and felt it in the heat of the moment, I could never say things like that to him. yet to him, it’s as if saying all those things to him was like a release. like he had been holding back saying these things for three years. and he had been.
during one conversation we had during my birthday dinner, he said he wasn’t happy in this relationship anymore, and that he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be with me, but he couldn’t imagine me not being in his life anymore because I’m his best friend, still. I admitted that I also was quite unhappy, but I’ve never been unsure if I wanted to be with him. I was always clear that I did. knowing that he was so on the fence about even wanting to be my boyfriend after 3 years, was almost too much to bear.
I pushed him and said he had to decide if he was fully in this relationship or not. either he was going to give me full effort or we were done. he agreed to keep trying, and I can see glimmers of that effort shining through, but still, I can’t find myself feeling fulfilled.
he never did emotionally fulfill me during our time together. like I said, he has never been the most empathetic, romantic, or affirming boyfriend. I always asked him to give me more of that. (I guess I’m someone who likes words of affirmation and romantic gestures). and he could never really deliver on that. especially recently, I had to beg him to tell me what he does like about me, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to say anything positive about how he feels about me other than that I’m his best friend. and while he did say a lot of things that made me feel much better, I can’t get all the negative perceptions he holds for me out of my mind.
I’m not happy. I love him, deeply. and I find it hard to imagine the rest of my adult life without him, but I find it equally as hard to imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t even like me. the basic components of my character, he doesn’t like. it’s made me deeply insecure, and truthfully, is not helping my mental health in the slightest.
I’m anxious more often than not around him. I find myself constantly trying to appease him, and in a way, I feel like I’m both fighting myself and fighting him. fighting his negative perception of me, trying so hard to prove him wrong and be better. but that’s exhausting. I feel so stuck. I feel like I can’t just breathe and just be. I’m constantly working, and fighting, and trying extra hard to be a better partner, a better person, and a better version of myself for me. I’m constantly exhausted. not only am I really trying to recover from my eating disorder (which, I am slowly but surely getting it under control) and lick my own wounds and heal my own mental health problems, I am also trying so hard to fight against my partner’s deeply negative perception of me as both a partner and a person.
I know he loves me. but I also know he doesn’t like me. neither of us are happy. but neither of us can bear leaving.
I don’t know what to do.

As the title says, my bf is very bothered by the fact that penetration doesn’t feel good for me. He says that he wants us to enjoy sex equally, which I’ve told him just isn’t possible. I can’t orgasm from penetration, and I’m okay with that!!! He’s great at oral, and even if I don’t cum I don’t really care. I’ve tried to explain that I enjoy sex for the emotional aspect, as well as the motions and just the activity itself, and that my goal isn’t to just cum. He says that he agrees, and he’s of the same opinion, but that he wants penetration to feel as good for me as it does for him. The problem is, I just don’t think that’s possible. It’s not that he’s not endowed, some positions actually hurt cuz it’s too deep for me. Is there any other things to try that could make penetration better for me that isn’t clitoral stimulation?

EDIT: the biggest issue he has is not understanding why I even want to have sex if it’s not physically pleasurable

I have always said that I don’t like being lied to (not that anyone does) but I expect full honesty regarding anything.
My boyfriend has a week break from classes this week so we decided to hang out all week since we haven’t seen each other much during the past few weeks. Today, randomly in the day he tells me he’s gonna go on a few day trip with his friend 19 (M). Now, I don’t have an issue that he’s hanging out with his friend but he randomly dropped this bomb on me when we promised to hang out all week since we haven’t gotten the chance to do so. Then, he says that his mom is already there (they’re going to this beach house that his family owns) and that he’s visiting his mom and bringing his friend. I originally just got annoyed that our week got cut in half with short notice and I felt like he didn’t value our time and that his friend was more important.

But, I got over that. That’s until I found out that his mom is NOT there and that he said that to make me less mad about hanging out with his friends. He has like some delusion that I hate it when I hang out with his friends because I “tweak out”. From my point of view, he always “forgets” about our plans and then hangs out with his friends, which makes me mad since I was excited for it and he always just kinda ditches me last minute. I do admit that I don’t particularly like his friends because they have bad mouthed me before and one of them has indirectly told my bf to cheat on me. I think the lying about it and then making excuses afterwards really ticked me off.

I don’t know if i’m being sensitive and it’s not something to worry about.

My partner (41F) and I (39M) have been together for 11 years, and we have two boys, aged 7 and 3.

Throughout our entire relationship, we've never had a Christmas that didn't revolve around her family. She absolutely loves Christmas, whereas I've gradually grown to dread it.

I struggle with the excessive spending, the pressure to buy gifts for people who often don't want or appreciate them, and the expectation that everyone should be enjoying themselves. My partner, on the other hand, tends to overspend and practically moves into her parents' house for a week or more over Christmas.

Since losing my father and grandfather, Christmas has become particularly difficult for me. They were a huge part of what made family gatherings meaningful, and without them, I've struggled to find that same enjoyment. Instead, I find myself spending Christmas making small talk with my in-laws, feeling increasingly disconnected and miserable.

I've tried suggesting alternatives over the years. I've asked whether we could spend Christmas at home, just the four of us, and start creating our own family traditions. I've also suggested going away somewhere together. Both ideas have been flat-out rejected.

This year, I'd really like to visit my grandmother, who lives about three hours away. She's one of the only relatives I have left in this country, and spending Christmas with her would actually mean something to me.

The problem is that my partner doesn't seem willing to consider anything other than spending Christmas with her family, as we've always done.

I'm now seriously considering going to my grandmother's on my own and letting my partner take the children to her parents as usual.

I know my boys would miss me, and I'd miss them terribly. The thought of not being there on Christmas morning genuinely upsets me. But at the same time, I feel like I've spent 11 years compromising on something that matters to both of us, except the compromise has always been entirely one-sided.

I'm not trying to stop my partner or children from enjoying Christmas. I don't expect her to suddenly stop loving it just because I don't. I simply want some consideration for my own feelings and an opportunity for us to create traditions as our own family.

I'm reaching the point where the resentment is starting to affect how I feel about our relationship. It's not really about Christmas anymore. It's about feeling that my wishes and feelings don't carry the same weight as hers.

What I'm looking for advice on is:

How do I communicate just how unhappy this situation makes me without it turning into an argument?

Is there a reasonable compromise that allows us both to enjoy Christmas without one person feeling forced into something?

How do other couples handle Christmas when one partner is very attached to their extended family's traditions and the other wants something different?

Would spending Christmas separately make the situation worse, or could it be a reasonable short-term solution?

I love my partner and children, and I don't want this to become something that damages our relationship. But I also don't want to spend every Christmas for the rest of my life feeling miserable and unheard.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's dealt with something similar.

Helping get a read on if the girl (25f) I’m (25M) seeing likes me

I (25M) recently started going on dates with a girl (25F) that I really like. In June, I ended a 4.5 year relationship with my ex that I lived with and had an amicable breakup with, even though it was really hard to separate our lives and move on. Jumped back into dating late September and met an incredible incredible girl that I have become really obsessed with.

We’ve been on 4 dates, she’s spent a night, but she’s really busy with work and has a ton of friends in the city (I just moved here) and I can’t really tell if she’s that into me. We have good chemistry but I can’t get a read on why she doesn’t really respond to my texts / try that hard to make time to hangout.

There are a lot of emotions I’m feeling, and I’m trying to understand if it’s all about her or if my breakup is still influencing me. She consumes my thoughts ALL day and I get so excited to see her. I feel like my feelings for her are so out of control, like physical chest palpitations when I think about her.

Does anyone have any advice for newly dating after long term relationships and how to keep my emotions in check if she’s not that interested?

This might be long so I apologize.

We’ve been together 7 months and we used to be great at the beginning sex wise but part of that I believe was because he hadn’t been intimate in over half a year before that.

For the last 4-5 months he hasn’t seemed interested in me sexually at all. Whenever I try to initiate anything he refuses and tells me to stop immediately. The only time anything intimate happens is when it is on his terms. I have brought up how upsetting it is MANY times before but he says “that’s just how it is” and leaves it at that.

Every time we do have sex which is like maybe once every week or 2 sometimes not even he will have sex and immediately flee off to do something not around me. It makes me feel used and unloved and when Ive mentioned it he said affection or being around me after we have sex isn’t something he’s into.

He will also only really have sex with me when I’m half awake in the morning and I’ve told him I don’t like it because I don’t remember half of it and can’t really enjoy it because I’m not even fully awake and he has said it’s that or nothing so I should be glad he had sex with me at all.

He also has an issue with me having an orgasm for some reason? Like every time I mention something like “hey would we be able to continue a bit longer so I can have an orgasm too” he will literally say “I don’t see the problem with you not having an orgasm.” He has one EVERY time we have sex and I haven’t had one from him in MONTHS.

I’m just very frustrated right now and I need advice because I really don’t know what to do because he doesn’t see the issue and it makes me feel used and unloved.

TLDR: doesn’t seem sexually interested, shuts down attempts at intimacy if I initiate, he distances himself after sex and says he doesn’t want to be near me afterwards, only really has sex with me while I’m half awake which I’ve expresses I don’t enjoy, has an issue with/will not let me have an orgasm

Sorry for such a long post I’m just so lost and confused and I love him but this is getting so frustrating and I’m almost at my breaking point

I need advice I don't want to admit to myself that my friend was jealous of me. And I don’t want to throw a a 10 yr friendship we maintained and grew down the drain . I'm wondering how do I approach a conversation with her ? I feel my disappointment turning into anger from betrayal. I feel weird with no closure about the friendship . At this point a month has passed since I left .

We planned this trip 2 months in advance, and Saturday was supposed to be BIG, stay out ALLLL night. We had many phone calls about what the night would intel, Uber so we could drink, club hop, side questing, staying My friend gave me assurance that with just us it would be different we were gonna have a good time because last year I visited and a mutual friend acted similar to how she did in hindsight .

So Saturday night started great. We went to a rooftop bar both got attention, but once we got to Bourbon Street, I started getting approached and complimented A LOT from men and women back to back .

At one point, at a bar a guy bought me a drink. I didn't know tho. I excitedly told her and offered to get her one, but her expression was blank she just said "ok" and disappeared , I found her in line for the bathroom. …. We switch clubs and she's talking to a guy im just buzzing around he invites me to the convo and asked about me visiting . 2 seconds later I realized she was gone l told him I have to go find my homegirl have a nice night. She’s at the bar getting a drink. He then found me with her and asked for my insta . I declined . By then I could really feel that something was way off. In my mind I was having friendly banter, Dance/walking everywhere , complimenting women and had 1 cocktail and a glass of rosé by then .

Eventually, she sat into a secluded patio area and so I asked her what’s wrong. She said I'm prolly too drunk to even understand her, I was moving how I wanted, talking to guys she had talked to, going to the bar without making enough space for her, something about instagram and I'm walking too fast. She said she didn't move like that with her other friends and that right now the vibe wasn't there for her. And she didn’t even know who I was .

I apologized immediately. I said that wasn't my intention and I wasn't drunk, tipsy maybe and that l'd make sure she stayed beside me, while pointing out that she had been walking away from me and safety is the #1 priority. After that, I stayed next to her, held her hand, slowed down, took all her criticism on the chin and corrected. I even shooed guys away quickly. Asked her to dance she declined and her mood still didn't change.
By 2 AM she wanted to leave said she was tired, even though we had planned to stay out much later for food .

While we uber back I'm googling food and she won't talk back to me . A silent awkward ride .
At her apartment she randomly said I was taking her for a joke and that the key is right there that I can go out and get it myself . I ignored this , asked how her night was she said "alright I had to tell you about yourself then it got better but me being tired has nothing to do with you."

I asked her to repeat what she said on the patio and she stated that she already told me and she doesn't have to again. I repeated what I thought I heard and she said "I'm not confirming or denying". I said if you thought I was drunk then what’s the harm in repeating , I told her the night didn't go how I expected and she agreed . She said I was drunk and when I’m sober the next day that'll make it 3 times she'll have to repeat it so she's just not gonna . Which I still don’t understand cause I was never drunk .

Eventually she told me to get out of her room.
The next morning she was cold and rude to me. I even helped her with her car battery, trailed behind her to a shop as well, but eventually told her I was leaving a day early because the energy between us felt completely off.
Her response: "I just don't see us being friends anymore." "Who's gonna put effort into the friendship" "We're long distance" "We have our own lives" "sometimes people outgrow each other"
I was kinda speechless. I told her if we talked still it would be organic like it's always been . Anyways when I left I gave her a hug told her i love her and she was reluctant but that felt like the last time I'll see her . She then sent me a Zelle request for $17 .

TLDR : Friend’s vibe changed on a night out we planned 2 months prior . She abruptly ends the night shorter and our friendship. Yet only told me once what I did to upset her despite me asking multiple times .

A little background regarding the details of our relationship. My girlfriend (I’ll call her B) and I met in January of this year. At the time I was going through a really rough breakup, she had broken up with her ex that past October. Our friendship was completely platonic. Didn’t intend on it being more than a friendship. About two months ago I realized how much I enjoyed her company, and came to accept that I had feelings for her. Didn’t intend on saying anything about it, but had a suspicion she felt the same. Turns out I was right and a mutual friend told me later that she had been talking about trying to open up to me about it. We started dating shortly after and honestly it’s been off to a great start. We still get along great, have a sincere appreciation for one another and our sex life is really phenomenal in my opinion. It’s early obviously but I was feeling really good about everything up until now.

The other night, we were getting intimate, I was going down on her and we were about to have sex. As I was getting up from where I was she looked me in my eyes, and then in that kind of pre-coital longing voice she said ‘Oh, (her ex’s name).’ Our names are not remotely similar, we look nothing alike, have completely different personalities, and from what I hear are different in every way one can imagine. Immediate boner killer obviously. She immediately said ‘Oh I’m the worst ever.’ and started crying. I did my best to comfort her, and she did not handle the situation well.

I’ve tried to do everything I can to convince myself it’s no big deal, but the fact of the matter is it is a big deal to me. The thought of him popping into her head in that moment makes me sick. Whether it was a momentary fantasy or an indication she still wants him idk which is worse.

I guess I’m just asking if I’m wrong to be this concerned about it?They haven’t spoken in like 6 months, haven’t been intimate in well over that according to her. Honestly I’ve heard about people doing that but I have never in my life had that experience. Just doesn’t compute for me.