r/relationship_advice • u/idfkmanImonlyakid • 4h ago
My (M20) boyfriend (M19) wants a snake
I m20 have been with my boyfriend m19 for 11 months now and just found out he wants to own a snake when we move in together, saying that he's wanted one since he learned what a ball python was. I have always had a serious hatred and disgust for snakes since I can remember and do not want to have a snake living in my house. He is trying to say that I wont have to care for, go near, or interact with the snake whatsoever, but for me its not about the care, it's the fact the snake is in my house. Hes telling me that this kind of thing is a deal breaker for him and I dont know what to do. How do I compromise with this situation?
Edit: We are talking about it actively and he says he MIGHT be okay with an exterior "house" for the snake in the backyard as long as it has some sort of insulation and temperature regulation.
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u/SweetxKiss 4h ago
You don’t want to live with a snake and he does, so you live by yourself without the boyfriend and the snake. And he lives by himself with the snake. Everyone wins.
Seriously y’all are so young, this doesn’t need to be “the” relationship, especially if this is non-negotiable for you both. There’s plenty of snakeless dudes for you to date
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u/plastic_venus 4h ago
When you live together pets are a “two yeses or it’s a no” situation. You can’t compromise here - either you live in a house with a snake when you don’t want to, or he doesn’t get a snake. You can’t both win here so you both have to decide what’s more important to you.
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u/WritPositWrit 4h ago
Youre only 19 - there is no hurry to move in together. If you literally have a hatred and disgust for snakes, you cannot live with him. Find other roommates.
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u/Specialist-Ad5796 4h ago
I love my snake. She's a beautiful 6ft corn snake. She's also not going anywhere. I've been given ultimatums about her before. She stays. They go
You're young. Go find someone who doesn't like snakes.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 3h ago
That's what I was thinking. Get a corn snake. They're beautiful and don't get as big as a python and more docile. I'm guessing.
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u/Your_Daddy_1972 4h ago
If you're both responsible for the place then when it comes to pets if it isn't two yeses then it's a no. Plain and simple. If he'd rather have the snake then have you be comfortable in your own home then he ain't the one for you
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u/mariahyoo 4h ago
You can’t compromise on a pet. You either have it or you don’t. You have to decide if having one is a deal breaker for you.
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u/Holiday-Meringue-101 4h ago
You two are not compatible. If you wanted a cat and he said no, but you always dreamed of a cat living with you , it would affect the relationship. I will always have a cat and anyone I date will need to love cats or we aren't moving forward.
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u/Ambassador31 3h ago
There isn’t really a compromise, you either live together with a snake, or you don’t live together.
I would choose to break up, as I don’t ever want a pet snake in the house.
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u/WafflefriesBaby 3h ago
Erm my boyfriend hates spiders and I have a pet tarantula named Richard. It’s just agreed that if Richard escapes he has full rights to squish him if I’m not there to recapture him. I only agreed for the safety of my cat , he’s puny and I don’t want him getting hairs on him or bitten. That’s the compromise, you don’t have to like snakes. You just make rules that are fair to your dislike of them while allowing him to have the pet he wants. You don’t have to but if you want to stay together that’s my recommendation.
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u/w11f1ow3r 3h ago
It sounds like you might not be compatible! Another option is to try to overcome your aversion to snakes via education and desensitization. They can be quite friendly and they aren’t gross animals.
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u/idfkmanImonlyakid 3h ago
I work at a petsmart, and my job is to care for all of our animals in house, some of which are snakes or tarantulas, I stay as far away from the enclosure while caring for these animals and only interact with them since its my job to do so. I don't think desensitization will help me
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u/OstrichAlone2069 3h ago
Im going to try and address this feom a different angle - hatred and disgust are learned. If you don't have a genuine phobia of snakes AND you do not want to end the relationship, why not consider taking some time to try and change your mindset about a snake. You could try therapy or if you dont have access to that, try finding videos online or other positive content around snakes. Learn what kinds of benefits they have in the ecosystem, admire their beautiful colors, etc.
There is actual science that shows people are not born afraid of snakes. It is taught socially and through media. You can change your perspective if you want to try that.
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u/no_one_denies_this 3h ago
I like snakes fine. There are ringnecked snakes, a black racer, and a coral snake living in my back yard. I enjoy seeing them and watching them.
But I would never want one in my home. They're wild animals and deserve to be out doing wild animal things.
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u/OstrichAlone2069 2h ago
Wild snakes and captive bred ball pythons are not the same things. I agree that wild snakes should be wild and im not even a fan of animals being bred for sale, but that doesnt really help OOP with their question.
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u/Tacos-and-zonkeys 4h ago
You are 19.
You barely have a say in your own life. Stop projecting into the lives of others.
If you don't likr his pets, then break up.
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u/Sweaty_Background657 3h ago
It all depends on how much you value the relationship. If the relationship is not important and you hate snakes, then leave, but if the relationship is important, you should think about getting to know snakes better. They are not really that bad. They are not slimy and do not stink. Just make sure your boyfriend really commits to taking care of the snake. It’s your decision.
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u/to-send-a-letter 4h ago edited 3h ago
The only compromise I could see is if he keeps his snake at somebody else's house.
I love snakes, but in general I think a phobia or severe aversion like you have should trump the desire for a pet. If he really insists, then you're just not compatible.
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u/shelwood46 3h ago
Why doesn't he have a snake already? I'm guessing because his parents also said hell no. When he does move out, he can get his snake, and you can move on with your life. He can let you know in 20-30 years if he now wants to choose you, rather than a new snake. Hopefully you can just block him then.
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u/Bumbleboyaugz 2h ago
i don't have a snake right now because my apartment is absolutely no animals allowed. I badgered my mother about a snake until i moved out, and it's always something i tell a person im interested in. I live on my own.
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