I just found out my mother had a stroke. She is dying, and we don't know how much time she has left. I'm going to visit her in the hospital tomorrow to see her before it's too late.

She has been fighting severe health battles for a long time. She is diabetic, has congestive heart failure (CHF), and has already been through a below-the-knee amputation on her left foot and recently lost her right big toe. Her body has been through so much, and this stroke feels like the final breaking point.

I’ve never been through anything like this before. My mind is racing, and I don't even know what to expect when I walk into that hospital room or how to handle the grief that is hitting me right now.

For those who have been through this:

• How did you handle those final moments at the bedside?

• Is there anything I should say to her, even if she might not be able to respond?

• How do I get through the next few hours and days without completely falling apart?

Any advice, words of comfort, or coping strategies would mean the world to me right now. Thank you.

My mom is a addict she went from using crack cause to prescription pills she also had Afib & a few other health issues. She went to bed around 5pm I thought she was sleeping it off & this morning I checked on her with my dad & she was ice cold. I’m 34 she has been using some form of drugs since I was 9-10yrs old. I’m angry at her im also sad . I was annoyed with her before she went to sleep because she was messed up off pills or she wasn’t & she was more sick than what she wanted to admit. I’m visiting my parents like I do every year with my 2 kids I have a 16yr old & 15 month old. My husband isn’t with me to help he’s too far away. She never took accountability for anything from my childhood & even with her own addiction. I didn’t tell her I loved her even tho I wasn’t super close with her.

I (F25) was raised by my grandma for the first 8 years of my life. Then she got sick with cancer and died within 3 months. As a child I remember I cried a lot for the first few months. But even now when I talk about her death it feels like my heart goes into my throat and reading her letters makes me cry. I feel loss anytime I touch on the subject of my grandma even now. I rarely talk about her but when I do it hurts.

Is this just the nature of grief or is it because I haven’t faced the loss properly as an adult?

on a throwaway, my dad died a little over 3 months ago right before my 16th birthday and i didnt even get to say goodbye, he was my only parent. we were so close and i feel like im being expected to grow up so quick, i had a dream about him a week ago and i was a mess for the full day, in my dream it just felt like i hadn’t seen him in a long time for some reason and he was gonna take me home but i couldnt find him and its been super hard. my heart goes out to everyone else whos lost there dad.

A little over a month ago my dad passed away; he was in the ICU for almost a month. I’m his only daughter and I’m 23 years old.

I don’t know how people move on with their lives, I feel like I can’t. I had already lost my grandfather and pets, but the pain doesn’t compare, it’s unbearable. My dad was the only person who loved me unconditionally, he always told me he was proud of me and my studies, and now he won’t be there to see me graduate from college. It feels like nothing has meaning anymore.

We always told each other that we loved each other, but in the last month we hadn't been talking. I was angry because he hadn't called me for my birthday and other things, and I regret it so much. I was also sad because I felt like he wasn’t talking to me. I recently managed to access his phone, and it turned out he felt the same way I did. It was all so silly, just a misunderstanding. I know he loved me and I loved him, and that we were going to work things out, but we couldn’t.

I would give anything to see him one more time, I asked for his forgiveness and told him I loved him so many times during the hospitalization, I promised I would make it up to him when he got out and that we would eat pizza. Now I don't know how to live with the guilt and sadness.

I can't afford therapy. I'm taking antidepressants but I don't feel like they're working, and I can't afford another appointment. I don't know what to do. I'm fine when I'm busy or with people, but the moment I'm alone I fall apart.

I know he would want me to move on, live my life, and be happy, but I can't, my body aches from the sadness. Lately, I've even started having suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to do. I want to die.

Hey guys, I really hoped this day would never happen when I’m older even though it was inevitable. This December will be one year since my dog, who felt like a sister to me as an only child, passed away. As someone who would be home alone a lot whether it would be college or school, she made the house feel whole to me and I had someone with me at all times (I’m very social and don’t like being alone at all, like for example things like invasion of privacy concerns do not phase me because I like someone in proximity at all times, so if I had to live in a room with someone I’d be fine with it like a dorm). When she passed I still have MILD ptsd (no dreams thank god, or like as bad as soldiers who served for my country, it would be a disservice to them saying it’s anything MORE than mild) and think about that day every day and the chain of events that followed. I’m huge into 3d printing and have printed several memorials for her and my mom, and made a photo album of pictures of her, after listening to advice from audiobooks about grief (two touching only on human-human grief, and one on human-pet grief) and being creative about it. I’m gonna take the day off from work on the anniversary so I don’t break down in the fridge I work in at my local grocery store. I just loved her so much and it was the closest to a sibling I ever had. She was with me through two homes, two relationships, 3 jobs, elementary-tip end of college, talking stages, phases, etc., in fact I don’t think I can talk about who I am today without including her and her contributions to my life. I’m trying my best to handle it, and I luckily got over auditory hallucinations after a month or two, but sometimes I genuinely don’t know what to do when the only sound I hear is the house creaking occasionally or the cars outside. I would just like advice on maybe how to go about it, maybe what helped you, etc. Thank you

Hello all! So long story short - my son was friends a few years ago with a little boy down the street that died last year. They were pretty good friends until middle school started. I was never particularly close with the parents but we get along. Plus the mom still asks about my son occasionally. Well I bought a wind chime for them for the anniversary. I just wanted to let them know my son and I didn't forget about their little boy. I told my husband about it. He thinks it's weird and I shouldn't give it to them. I know when my parents died it meant a lot when people remembered. He says it's different because I'm more of an acquaintance not a family friend. So should I return the gift? I don't want to overstep.

Hello,

When I was 15 I was in a discord server with a bunch of online friends. The server was friendly, but all around not a good environment (it encouraged self harm, there was constant fighting, it was full of drama...etc. )
Two of the people I was friends with, Eli and Danny (15/16) knew eachother IRL and had met up a few times before. One night after a big argument in the server, Danny reassured me he was not mad at me, and he went to bed. After that I didn't hear from Danny for what was originally days, which turned into weeks.
Eli eventually broke the silence, and had informed us all that Danny had died of a drug overdose, and had been lying about his real age. Danny was not 15/16, but he was 21. Danny had been discussing sexual topics with us, venting on and leaning on us, which changed things.

I guess when he died, I kind of ignored everything that he had done to me that was harmful, But now that it's been a few years, I am having difficulties grappling it all. I can not get mad and yell at him and confront him because he is gone. There are days when I miss him, and I think, "I am growing up without him. I wonder what he would say to me now." and there are others where I am mad, and frustrated that he lied to us all.

Am I over-reacting? How do I get over this loss?

I’ve recently lost both my mom and dad. I had so many of their clothes left that I chose to make a blanket out of them with Project Repat. It was expensive(to me anyway), but I’m so glad that I can curl up with a piece of them ❤️

Before my brother died and he was in active addiction he stole a lot of very valuable and sentimental things from me and pawned them. He admitted to my parents what he did when they confronted him, and as part of his recovery (which he took very serious at the time) he had to make amends. I was waiting for it to be my turn and I honestly was more proud than mad and planned to tell him so. He called me and for some reason I ignored the call. I don’t know why I did it, maybe it was too much for me to handle emotionally in the moment. I texted him some time later saying sorry that I missed him and asked what’s up and he changed the subject. He died a few months later and it has always ripped me apart that we didn’t have that moment.

I have to be the strong one, I can't be weak. I just cannot do it. I don't want my family to worry for me or see me in pain. I've caused them so much pain when I had cancer as a child, I don't ever want to do it again. My parents have enough to worry about with all of the arrangements now, my mom just lost her father figure; my great grandpa after my great grandma already died three years ago. The two basically raised her and were some of the closest relatives I had. My sister is the more sensitive out of us two and I'm already a huge factor that led to her depression. I have to deal with it on my own but I don't even know how. Around other people I just ignore the pain and shove it into the deepest corner but it always creeps out once I stop being busy.

I still dream of my grandma, I just miss her so much. She never got to see what I achieved in the last few years, she would've been so proud. And without her, my grandpa was already gone while still being alive. He got depressed, his dementia took overhand and he had no more will to live. But he was still there, one of the last remaining parts of my childhood. And now he's gone aswell and the fear of loosing my remaining grandparents grows stronger.

I don't know how I'm supposed to do this again. I never learned how to grieve. I just push it down to somewhere where it doesn't bother me until it stays there. And I can't even open up to people because it just makes the feelings worse. All the good memories come up and the loss just gets stronger than I can be

Hi everyone, I'm Evie ( it's my alias) and I'm 29. I want to apologize in advance if I make grammar mistakes but English is not my first language.

Now let's get to the point. My father passed away about two weeks ago. He was everything for me. An important piece of my loving family. He was only 61 and he peacefully fell asleep after seven years of fighting against cancer.

He was a beautiful person, not without flaws but he was good. An amazing father, a caring husband and basically everybody loved him.

Two weeks ago he entered the hospital for the last time, but this time I knew he wasn't going to come back home.

We told him it was only to treat his pain, mom didn't want him to lose hope and decided that way. I wasn't sure about her decision but I respected that, though I knew deep down that he already knew himself.

I've spent the entire week basically living in the hospital. Simply sitting down beside his bed with my mother and my brother. The first day he was conscious then the doctors had to sedate him because of the pain. He never woke up.

I kept talking to him despite everything, I kept smiling, making jokes, trying to keep my brother and mother from drowning into depression even more. And trying to be happy for my father's sake.

I've even told my father I was getting married... He smiled in his sleep. I didn't get married and I probably won't for a bit but I was ready to do it there in the hospital if necessary.

Then at the end of the week he passed, just the day before my grandmother's birthday. I wasn't there, but my mother was. He waited for her. I got the call when I was on my way to the hospital with my bestie and my brother and I were driving.

I've got there. I rushed into the room and I smiled, greeting him as always despite everything.

The following days were awful. My mother was trying to cope by cleaning the entire house and running errands, my brother by shaving his head and staying out with his friends all day and night. Me ? I was running around in working mode to organize the funeral.

I didn't have time to cry, I didn't have time to be broken and I didn't have time to feel what I was supposed to feel. I had to do shit. I had to do all the stuff that my mom couldn't handle because of her own pain.

At the funeral everyone was crying, everyone was spreading condolences and hugging and drinking ( yeah, we had a party after the funeral, dad wanted that way ) and well ... You know. I? I was working. I was doing the sound checking in the church, greeting people, sharing tissues around and caring for my mother while complaining about my feet hurting because of my shoes. A smile on my face for everyone around when I was not allowed to be sad.

When I got home I finally broke down. I cried hard for a couple of minutes and then I stopped.

I still didn't have the chance to grief my father. I still didn't have the chance to feel broken. I feel like I can't afford that, despite the fact that there's no actual reason for me to not.

I miss my dad. I miss his voice, I miss his hug, I miss his terrible jokes. It's like a piece of me had just been torn out of my soul.

I keep smiling, keep telling people that everything is okay.

The fact is that nothing is okay. I feel completely empty and alone despite the so many people surrounding me every day.

But my dad was a hero. He survived this cancer for seven years with spirit and dignity, he worked 13 hours per day to sustain his family, he always helped everyone when needed even when he wasn't feeling okay or he was tired. He wouldn't want to see me crying.

I love my dad. I will have my time to be sad eventually.

Not now. Now I have shit to do.

I have a family to take care of.

His family.

Don't worry Dad... I've got it.

My ex and I dated for 3 years. We had been broken up for 9 months, and the last time I saw him was 5 months ago. Despite how things ended between us (his infidelity) I still considered him the love of my life. Despite my attempts to move on during those 9 months, I never could. I held onto hope that we would find our way back to each other. Even though he was in a relationship with the person he cheated on me with, he tried to contact me so many times, including the night before he passed away. I didn’t reach out of respect for the girlfriend. I got a call from his aunt last week letting me know that he was murdered. I was in such shock, all I could think about was wanting to be with him but feeling so hopeless that I couldn’t. I offered the family my condolences and that I would help if they ever needed anything. I’ve never lost a partner, and I don’t know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. I posted a tribute for him on my social media stories that day. The post was innocent, sharing pictures of him and I over the years. I honestly did it to honor him, not to get attention or expose him in any way. That night, I get a nasty message from his most recent partner who hunted my socials down and told me to remove all pictures of him and I. Her stance was that i could honor him using a single photo of his and nothing else. I told her no, as I found it creepy that she stalked my accounts just to tell me off. She seemed pissed off that his family contacted me to tell me the unfortunate news.
The next day, I get a message from his brother to please take down the photos, as he was not ready to look at his pictures of his brother on social media. Out of respect for his family member, I did. I’m just questioning if my tribute was in poor taste considering the circumstances of his death.

I understand that I am the ex-girlfriend. I was not a part of my ex’s life for 9 months. Still, my love for him never went away. I was waiting for his return. We were going to get married. We almost had children together. We were each other’s first loves. I finished my graduate program with a broken heart because we had broken up, and I was working my butt off to build our future together. His family loved me. I’m devastated that the love of my life isn’t on this earth anymore and our relationship could never be rekindled. I feel so guilty that I couldn’t make the relationship work. Everyday I wake up in a state of dread. I don’t feel fulfilled in any areas of my life. Eating is pointless, my career means nothing. I had to take a week off work, and I feel like I need more time off. It’s like any joy that was left in my life died when he passed. My family doesn’t care how I’m feeling. The few friends I have stopped checking up on me. I don’t want to bombard his family while they are grieving too. I almost feel like my grief doesn’t count. I’m seeking therapy to help manage these emotions, but it’s pretty damn hard when insurance makes it a whole mission. I don’t know how to move forward, and I don’t even know if I’m allowed to grieve at all. It’s very isolating.

my dad died almost 2 months ago by suicide, he hanged himself. im 19 and have been dealing with depression for about 5 years, recently i got diagnosed with autism. we talked about the pills i take and the things i struggle with. i had a few suicide attempts before and he was the only one who knew about them. i thought we had each others backs. turns out he never told me nor my mom (they are divorced and i live with her) about his apparent depression and visits to the psychiatrist. im heartbroken and honestly idk if i can ever go back to how stuff were before.

i called the suicide hotline about 2 hours ago because i was in a crisis. i don’t know if this is the right channel to talk about this, but i have no energy left to look for help anywhere else. i don’t know if i can go on any longer. even though our contact wasn’t the best, i miss him so bad. i don’t have a father around me anymore. i had to delete tiktok and limit instagram use because every time someone mentions their dad i just start crying.

i keep thinking about what i did in life to deserve such fate. i don’t think i was ever a bad person. i don’t understand why this happened to me.

My childhood friend died yesterday...from intestinal cancer..she was barely 18, she was so optimistic about life and Always eager to learn more....how can god do this...why...her mom already cured from cancer....how can they handle this pain....

Although we grew a bit apart after COVID because our classes changed, and we used always fight during childhood like this once we didn't talk to her for months because of something bad she did with some other frnd, butt also shared so many great memories, like doing a skits, making drawings, she loved to paint....

I tell my parents that i don't remember most of the childhood, but I do remember it, in almost every childhood memory of me being with my friends she's always there.

After COVID, she became more like a background character for me...as i mentioned our classes were different from then.

Then came 11th-12th, we have this huge entrance exam for math students for which students often go to a place called kota, a study hub.

She went there...but she came back in 12th ending...she came back home...we thought It might be because of her mother had bad health too...when she came back from kota sr came at my home, i was asleep...my mom woke me up , i was shocked to see her, i hug her, i tell her she looks pretty, we were smiling, then she went back.

Months later, every friend is now back home, we sed to hang during evening, but she didn't come most of the time, we were going to do karaoke once, she showed up finally, we saw her neck , clearly some glue residue visible, at that time we all knew she was going through some illness but didn't knew what it was or how serious, we asked her what it was, she said it was caused by a nail, we didn't question her but we knew it was not a nail. I think later we got to know it was cancer but still not sure.

But on Janmashtami iwas with my parents, i saw her....i saw how things she was...how hollow her cheeks were, i could almost see her trachea, she came up to me when i was in line for prasad for 10 seconds, i was in shock and didnt ask her anything about her appearance, later i tell my friends, from next day we tried to meet her, but her mom always picked up and said she was sleeping. She didn't reply to texts as well, there was no contact, my dad said it's ok...if she doesn't want to meet..don't ...now maintain your distance...cause you would only get hurt if u get attached more..

2 months later, my dad tells me my mother asked him not to tell me but that my friend has intestinal cancer...last stage...she have less chances of surviving, she was taken to hospital and got some surgery, i went to pray to god immediately, calling my other friend...

She survived almost 20 days i guess....then yesterday i got to know she died in morning....i was in shock, shivering...

I tell my father, he was shocked and on verge of tears too...today was her funeral...i didn't go...i just couldn't...i couldn't see her weak fragile lying dead, idk how to react in front of my family...i say we grew apart and now we can't do anything ,but I am sad since I heard the news, it's Navratri now...my mom takes me to garba, and i can't fight with her about not going cause if she asks reason i won't be able to tell her how it's bugging my mind...i don't show my emotional side to my family, maybe because if i cry they'll cry too...so i go anyway...now I am crying in my bed... thinking why did universe did it, WHY. Is god real? Is anything real? SHE WAS BARELY 18.....i can't stop thinking about her..

a really close and dear friend of mines mother passed away 3 days ago to cancer and i’ve really been struggling with figuring out how to comfort her now and long term.

When she texted the news i broke down. I am so deeply upset for her and my heart breaks i can’t imagine how she must be feeling. I have been texting and calling to check up on her, i told her i would see her as we’re both uni students, and i’ve already made plans with her for this. I’m seeing her in a couple days, atm i have a contagious virus i didn’t wanna bring that to her. That being said i just can’t help but feel like i’m not doing enough; idk if im doing this whole thing right.

I think she’s heading back to uni next week. I was planning on seeing her maybe make sure she’s stocked up on food so she doesn’t have to think about it. I was gonna bring a care package, write her a letter explaining how im there for her and that she’s not alone. Then it’s just figuring out how to be there for her in the best possible way from then on. Calling her daily? is that too much? perhaps weekly?

Sending her something to her house from time to time. visiting her. Her bday is in 3 months too… she doesn’t deserve this heartache

I’m struggling a lot financially, there’s so much i wanna do her that i can’t afford rn so all i can afford to do rn is to try my best to be there for her emotionally. Is there anything you guys can suggest i would love that thank you?

I lost my aunt due to cancer a month ago, I wasn't close with her, she wasn't the nicest person towards her relatives my mom (her sister) especially, honestly i kinda tired to cut ties with her side of the family because of her decision to move to a certain place, but I still cry over the fact that she isn't here anymore, over the fact won't hear her another random life update from my mom, or the fact that she won't send me a happy birthday message. It feels weird to remember that he is gone. To remember that my life lacks another constant.

I haven't attended her funeral, it was impossible for me to do so because she decided to move afully far away from her home out of spite.

I never had an opportunity to mourn her properly, to show my mourning, I cried like hell the week she died , but every time I needed to go to college I wiped my tears and pretended that everything was okay, not that i could tell anyone what was happening from a complexety of whole situation and only thing I would've heard "Aw that sucks, poor you". not like that would've helped much. I couldn't be absent on lessons due how really far away it happened it feels weird that life continued as is, the were no brake no nothing collegework still being due because no one will care enough to do anything

My friend took her own life in July. She wasn’t extremely close to me, but I considered her a good, good friend and I loved every time we would bump into each other. It’s her birthday at the time of posting this and her best mates, who I have never really had a conversation with, have been telling me I am not allowed to grieve her death. I’ve never really been close to anyone who has passed away before - no relatives or anything - so it was a very insane experience for me. For her birthday this morning, I posted that I missed her, saying that I will miss her for longer than I got to know her - which shows I am not trying to claim that i was her biggest and bestest friend. I am met with messages being told to delete the posts and that she didn’t like me while she was around and that she wouldn’t have wanted me to post about her. Am I in the wrong for missing a friend? It’s got me really, really sad and I don’t know what to do about it. I wish I could talk to her instead of having to deal with this abuse for simply missing her.

I (22F) lost my dad to cancer on August 8th. He fought for 3 years 8 months, and I knew of his illness for 1 year 9 months. His last two weeks were agonising. And so I have this best friend with whom I had a big talk after the cremation when she listened to everything I said, and then we sort of went back to our normal routine as if nothing had happened. Then, when dad's absence from my life neared two months, it finally started to sink in he probably wouldn't be coming home. I had something like the first wave of delayed grief breakdown and I wanted to discuss that with my friend, yet when we met up she started talking about how pissed she was with her uncle right after I stepped into the room, and I ended up listening to her and saying nothing of what I intended to say because it seemed like she was more exhausted than I was at the moment. Then we watched a movie and laughed like always. But it hurt. A few days passed, and last Friday I felt really low and texted this best friend telling her I was feeling down and asking her to send me a video message about a book she was reading - that's a common routine with her, and she sent me some a few days back. She read the message, was silent for two days, then reolied she wasn't up to making a video message bacause she was exhausted from work.

At first I didn't believe what I was reading, and then it was as if the 8 of friendship had simply collapsed, and I felt so abandoned and so used, because throughout the years there's been a lot of me almost always adjusting my plans to hers so that we could meet, and always going to her house because she didn't feel like going outside, and me trying to cheer her up when she texted me about her relations treating her badly and about how much she hated people and the world - and I responded almost immediately trying to cheer her up even while feeling not so happy myself, for these were the last months of my dad's life, and before, too, for a short time after I learned of dad's illness I also learned she had tried to commint suicide, so I spent a lot of time and energy trying to be there for her and to cheer her up and making her undestand I loved her no matter what - and I wasn't doing it out of a sense of onligation, I enjoyed being a best friend to her and hearing her laugh and seeing her smile, and during the last two years especially we grew very close. I told her of dad's illness a year ago, and she asked after him and listened to my fears from time to time.

And now this. Like, you were so exhausted from work that you couldn't press a button? When I found time and energy for you while my dad was dying? I couldn't believe it. I didn't reply immediately, knew not how, it almost felt as if our friendship was a lie and I never really knew her. She sent me a funny phrase and then asked if I had time to meet during the weekend to finish a series we were watching. I pulled myself together and wrote her that I was hurt by her equating grief of a parent's loss with work exhaustion and her being unable to do such a small thing for me while I found strengh for her in the last months of my dad's life, and told her it felt like a collapse of out entire friendship and that I needed to know if I could count on her support for an indefinite period of time since I don't know how long I'll be grieving dad. That was yesterday, and today she texted back saying she was sorry I felt that way, she didn't intend to hurt me, but that me asking for a video message made her feel like a zoo animal that was expected to put itself on display and entertain anyone who asks, and that she didn't reply right away because this feeling was so uncomfortable, and finally invented the work excuse because she "hoped I would understand it and it seemed like the most plausible one, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings further by stating ther real reason". She then wrote that had I asked for a conversation or a meet-up, she wouldn't have refused, and that she "can and wants to support me and understands I'm at a very difficult period of my life". And now I'm more confused and hurt than before, because - I can't imagine how I could've made her feel like a zoo animal, I was always so anxious for her comfort and well-being, and sending video messages is almost her way of communication, she often uses videos instead of texting. Have I really been pushy and inconsiderate?.. If not, then why is she doing this? If she really wanted to protect my feelings, wouldn't it have been best to simply reply she wasn't up to a video but was ready to talk?

She's my only and best friend, and I'm terrified of losing her, yet now I partly feel as if I'd lost her already, as if all those years of friendship and laughter and good memories weren't with her but with some other person I invented and she never really cared for me. Please, can I get some advice on this situation? What do you think I should do about this friendship and why can she be acting this way? Thank you!

I don't know if its right I'm putting this out here but mygod. I literally don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with my hands. I don't know what I'm gonna do next. Do I pick up the cup? Do I put my hands on my head. I don't know what to do with my feet, my eyes. HOW DO YOU BREATHE?!?!? I catch myself skipping breaths. How does the earth expect I move on from this loss? How is the sun rising and setting when it just lost someone? How is the world spinning madly on. I'm sane enough to know that people lose people all the time, but where do all these feelings go? I feel like digging the dirt sometimes. Its mildly comforting to hear about heaven, but sometimes I honestly just wanna crawl into the dirt really. I refuse to believe that they just become bubbles. One day they're here and the next they're just air.

On October 24th it will be one year ago that my mom passed away.
The year went by extremely fast and i can’t believe she’s been gone for a year now.
I miss her so much, I’m 23 and I just need my mommy.

I just can’t believe I have to spend more time without my mom in my life then i spend with her.

I don’t really know where to start, but I think I just need to get this out somewhere.
I lost my dad on January 10, 2025, and my grandma a few months later, on April 26. Losing them both in such a short amount of time changed something in me, and I don’t think I’ve fully processed either loss.
The hardest part is that I feel like I’ve been grieving silently. Life doesn’t stop just because you lose people you love. I’m still a mom, I’m still in school, I still have responsibilities, and there are still people who need me. So I get up, take care of my daughter, go to class, do what needs to be done, and keep going. From the outside, I’m sure it looks like I’m doing okay most days.
But some days, I’m really not.
My relationship with my dad was complicated. I loved him, but there were things I wish had been different. I wish he had shown up for me when I needed him, not just when my mom was there. There were things left unsaid, moments I wish we could have had, and words I wish I had said more often. Losing him means grieving the dad I had, but also grieving some of the things I wish our relationship could have been.
And that is such a difficult kind of grief to explain to people. You can love someone deeply and still have hurt from the relationship you had with them. You can miss someone and still wish things had been different. Both feelings can exist at the same time.
Then there’s my grandma. I miss the little things. Baking, sewing, shopping, and all those ordinary moments that didn’t seem extraordinary until I realized I couldn’t make any more memories with her. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that hurt the most because you never realize how much you’ll miss them until they become memories.
I recently finished a photography slideshow for my final project, and I included memories of my dad. I even had special permission to include a few video clips from his funeral. I thought I could get through putting it together, but my family and I ended up crying over the finished slideshow. It brought so many feelings to the surface that I think I had been pushing down just to get through everyday life.
I think that’s what scares me a little. I can go days functioning normally, and then one song, one picture, one memory, or one unexpected reminder can make it feel like I’m right back in the middle of losing them.
I’m also trying to raise my little girl and give her the best version of me that I can. I want to be present for her. I want to make memories with her. I want her to have a happy childhood. But sometimes I wish I could just be someone's daughter and granddaughter again instead of always having to be the person who keeps everything together.
I don’t think people always realize how lonely grief can be when you’re not openly talking about it. The world keeps moving, and eventually people stop asking how you’re doing. Not because they don’t care, necessarily, but because life goes on. Meanwhile, you’re still learning how to live in a world where two people who were part of your story are no longer here.
I’m not posting this because I expect anyone to fix it. I don’t think there’s a solution to missing someone. I think I just needed somewhere to admit that I’m not as okay as I sometimes appear to be.
And with my birthday being tomorrow, I think everything is hitting a little harder than usual. Birthdays are supposed to be happy, but sometimes they’re also reminders of the people you wish were still here to celebrate with you. I wish I could call my dad. I wish I could hug my grandma. I wish I could have those little moments that I probably would have taken for granted before, just one more time.
There’s something about getting older that makes you think about who has been there for every chapter of your life and who you wish could be there for the chapters still to come. I’m turning another year older, but two people who meant so much to me won’t be here to see it. And as much as I want to enjoy my birthday, a part of me is grieving the calls I won’t receive, the hugs I can’t get, and the memories we’ll never make.
I think birthdays make you realize that life keeps moving forward, even when your heart is still trying to catch up. I can be grateful for another year of life and still wish I could spend just a little more time with the people I’ve lost. Both things can be true.
I don't want my birthday to be sad. I want to celebrate, especially for my little girl, and be thankful for the life I have. But I also don't want to feel guilty for missing them a little extra tomorrow. I think I just wish grief would give me a break for one day, even though I know it doesn't work that way.
I miss my dad. I miss my grandma. I miss the moments I had with them, the moments I wish I had gotten, and the moments I’ll never get to have.
And I’m tired of pretending that being able to keep going means I’m not hurting.
If you’ve experienced this kind of quiet grief, especially after losing multiple family members close together, how do you cope with it? How do you make room for your grief when life still expects you to show up every single day?
I think I just need to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

To preface, I lost my mom to a very sudden blood clot on September 26th. I was at college (which is only 30 minutes from my childhood home in Ohio) when I got a panicked call from my dad. He held her as she passed and we got the official news at the hospital. We finally had her funeral yesterday in North Carolina, her home state. She had an open casket and she was so pretty.

I am only 20 and currently in the busiest month of the semester at school. I have concerts, competitions, and more coming up in this month alone. I have had to take this week off from school but I’m glad I’m with my family. Next week, I have a medical procedure that I’ll have to miss 3 more days of class for which has been planned for many months (I have also suffered from blood clots and scarring and am on oxygen as a junior in college). I am only behind on one assignment but behind on planning for everything else.

My teachers have been understanding but I have always been a 4.0 student that does all of her work days in advance. I also don’t miss class unless I literally can’t move. This past Monday, I had my first ever panic attack and it felt like a heart attack so I went to the er. They kept me there for 6 hours so I missed more class. I have anxiety but have never had a panic attack that bad, especially when I was sitting in class completely calm.

I simply wonder: how do I stop feeling so crazy? I have always been a good student and suddenly have no motivation to practice my music (I’m a music ed major and am involved in many performances) or do assignments. I am forgetting basic things and things I usually am able to remember with 0 issue. I also, typically, attend class like clockwork.

My teachers are very kind but I have been hurting my choir performance as I had a solo scheduled for next Friday. My choir teacher is being gracious and allowing me to still perform half of it but having someone else do the rest. It feels a bit pitiful and I am (obviously) disappointed in myself for all of this. I keep thinking if I had not ‘wasted’ Monday that I would be ahead still. I keep being told that I need to give myself grace but it feels impossible when other people are relying on me to be on top of everything.

I have never been closer to anyone than my mom. She was everything to me. We talked every single day and I am dealing with the guilt that I could have forced her to go to the hospital when she was having a hard time breathing. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but it is so hard. There is a giant black hole in my heart as well as my dad and sisters. She was our rock as a family and was the glue that kept us together. We are all very close but it will never be the same.

Once again, I wonder if there is any way to stop feeling crazy and like a mess? I feel like I’m acting the complete opposite of myself and it is freaking me out. Is this common? I want to be able to succeed at school and keep a good reputation with all of my professors while this is happening. It is so very hard, especially since I thought I’d have my mom for at least 50 years and I only got her for 20.

My dad died a little more than 3 months ago. I (21F) am just filled with regret tonight, as with most nights, but tonight especially. On our last trip together last December, i just remember not spending enough time with him, and being angry at him constantly. He had a weak heart and overall weak body as he had to do dialysis and other things, and understandably this made him easily irritable. However, I would get mad back at him, and the whole trip i was internally blaming him for letting himself get that point of unhealthiness. I tried my best not to show it but just knowing i thought it kills me now. I remember on the flight back home, i still had this internal anger, yet a little voice was telling me that i should try not to be because what if this was the last time we can travel together? But no matter what, i just could not shake it off. I knew i would regret it but still here i am. Why was I not more understanding of his suffering? Last year i also moved into my dorm, and as such i didn’t get to spend much time with him nor my family, and he would call me often but I would only pick up occasionally when I was free, but not nearly enough. I see our WhatsApp chats and I hate myself, so I just don’t allow myself to open it anymore. I’ve never verbalised these regrets because I feel so so terrible, I feel so bad and if someone tells me it’s my fault I feel like I’ll just break down. Everyday is just another day of struggling to finish my uni assignments, club committee responsibilities, pretending that losing my dad has not fundamentally changed me into someone I don’t know anymore, and not falling apart from grief. Wish you could’ve stayed longer dad:(

tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. the first one since she died five months ago. i can’t believe it’s been that long since i’ve seen her. it still feels very unreal.

my plan is to get a slice of cake from her favorite bakery in the city (veniero’s strawberry shortcake, if anyone was interested) and watch her favorite movie, the blues brothers. we used to always recite the lines from it, even when it was probably age-inappropriate for me lol.

i’m anxious. my emotions have been very up and down. some days i’ll think about her every few minutes. sometimes once an hour. sometimes only once a day. today has been a day where she’s been at the absolute forefront of my mind, and i feel so heavy. physically heavy, like thoughts of her and her not being here are weighing my body down. and sometimes i won’t think of her too much. or i’ll push the thought out of my mind before it takes root.

i think i worry that tomorrow i’ll be either numb or immobile with grief. it’s her birthday. i kept wanting to take her out to dinner, but that last year she was always so sick. i thought i had more time. feels naive now. i’m just anxious in general. i wish i could fast forward to a time where things are easier. but i’m quickly realizing that it won’t.