I don't mind small talk with co-workers every now and then, but that's about my limit. Never liked having friends, so after I gratuated high school I cut contact and been friendless ever since. I don't like talking to my family either, I only do it out of obligation couple times a year over text. I don't want love either, never cared for it.

I just want to be alone, I'd like if everyone else would disappear. Anyone else like me?

I couldn't do the job I'm skilled at because of a very extroverted supervisor. I also tend to be more quiet as I take time to open up to someone.

As the title says. I kept fucking up and looking like a dumbass despite being good at what I'm doing. Brain just froze so I simply couldn't think. I couldn't even speak at all so I looked even more incompetent. Extroverts are the bane of my existence.

Im curious how common this is among other introverts. First of all, I never even had the desire to get social media when I was younger, which ended up isolating me from a lot of my peers. Im the type of person to operate based on what I think not what others think though, so it's just something I had to deal with. More recently though, I did get social media, and it seems like everyone on there has hundreds of followers at least? I don't even know hundreds of people in real life so I assume people just follow others in the hope of following them back or something, but I just don't really see any appeal in seeing a bigger follower number on my profile. Right now I have < 20 followers and it's all people I know in real life (for the most part) so yea.

Lately I've realised that I don't have problem in initiating convos with strangers. I apparently come across as confident and outgoing to them. The problem comes when I am supposed to delve deeper from the superficial interaction that I just had (one could say, from an acquaintance towards friendship).

Lets say this 15 day course I've takem up. The first 2 days, I was relatively social. But right from the 3rd day something switched off. I just sit on my seat, wait for the class to start, read during the breaks and leave.

Its been 7 days now and mostly everybody has formed friendships. A couple of people even invited me to their group, and while I did join them during the break for a day, I realised the cafeteria is way too crowded and I cant hear them and anyways I dont eat the food over there (I eat a protein bar while walking in the empty corridor, and I dont mind that, really).

The only time I interact is when I help others with their work or seek their help.

I think I fear opening up to people, what if I realise I dont like them but now we're closer than what we were and Ive got no way out. Or they turn out to be snakes who dont mean to be my friends at all or worse, I end up losing myself and act in a way contrary to myself to accomodate (These have been my prior experiences)

I dont know if this is normal or not, the only fear I have is am I missing out on something? Is whatever Im doing wrong?

I can always try to initiate convos with those people Ive already acquainted myself with, but it takes so much of energy to push myself and the reasons that I just listed above, prevent me from doing the same.

I need career advice/perspective. I feel like my personality is a problem in every job I go to. I’m a shy/slow to warm person and I’m also very introverted. I’ve been in my current corporate job for 2 years and both yearly reviews the main issue brought up is my communication - that I don’t speak up enough, ask enough questions, or communicate enough with my teammates. I feel like a lot of this stems from my naturally quiet personality. Last year my manager even commented that I'm 'not the most talkative person,' which made me feel like my natural personality was being viewed negatively.

Before my current job, I worked a corporate role on contract. During my first 2 weeks of training, my manager met with me and told me that they were concerned about my ability because I didn’t speak and ask questions enough. However, a week later, she met with me again and told me they were really pleased with my work and thought I was doing a great job, and I was frequently praised in front of the team for having high quality work. I ended up leaving that role for my current full-time role.

I’m just feeling really down about my current job because in my first yearly review my communication was brought up as more of a casual “things to work on” type of thing but this year my review was even worse and it was presented as more of a problem. I genuinely feel like I do ask questions and try to communicate, but it feels like every time there is a miscommunication, the blame falls on me because Im the quieter person. Sometimes when I do speak up, I feel like my opinions aren’t taken seriously, and I’m met with pushback or questioned as if they don’t trust my judgement. I’m not an argumentative person so I don’t really stand up for myself and then I’m ultimately blamed for “not speaking up about issues with the data” even though I feel like I tried to but no one wanted to listen. Another thing I'm struggling with is that even if I stay at my current job and try to improve, I feel like my coworkers and managers already have this negative perception of me. I constantly feel anxious and judged at work now, which makes it even harder to communicate naturally. I'm not sure how to move past that or whether it's possible to change their perception of me at this point.

I’m just looking for some advice or perspective- has anyone else been through this? Am I the problem? Is this something I can improve on over time, or is this a sign that my work environment or career might not be a good fit for my personality?

If it’s misalignment I would appreciate any advice on careers that might be a better fit for me. I currently work in consulting as a data analyst and I’m exploring going back to school to become a medical laboratory scientist because I feel like maybe this career path isn’t right for me.

Like oh my days its 7 AM in the morning im taking a bus to my school, full buss full of people, whatever, i dont have nowhere to sit, im SCARED but LITERALLY scared to talk in the bus with full people, scared to move or just do anything, why does it happennn why cant i just be normal? :(

Next, im sooo fucking scared to eat in public near people, in class too obviously, when i get here at 7:10 and then have to wait 50 minutes for class to start i usually eat something before someone comes, and as soon as someone enters the classroom i just hide it and i just dont knowww its not ONLY the eating, i just cant do anything near people, PE is the worst.

also im 16, a LOT of other boys have GFs and stuff at my age, i never had one and im ALWAYS targetted by my "friends" and made fun of new people as well, been told others to NOT talk to me and stuff because im "weird" and all my friends said was "omgg it was just a joke calm down" like what? youre literally talking about me like i was a human with no feelings?

I dont have anyoneee to tell this and i dont even know who could possibly reply to this with something that would boost my mind, like, fuck those people i hate every single one of them, and its my fault as well, apologizing for my english

Hi there. I am 31f and struggling lately more than usually with anxiety about spending any time in social spaces, and I feel like it's affecting my friend life and professional life.

A bit of back story, I have put all my education, sweat and tears into my own tattoo shop. I can confidently say I'm doing great. Thing is - as a tattoo artist, I spend many hours talking with people I have never met before. And that kind of one-on-one conversations are not a problem for me. I have learned through my job to find a common conversation theme with literally anyone. This was also hard for me in the beginning since people drain my batteries but I found that just doing my art helps me to open up and talk with people.

I have always been introverted, but not at all anti-social. I love my 3 close friends and I enjoy connecting with new people, but only in a tiny group.

Here's the problem - I am absolutely terrified of any big group setting and its taking away from important things in my life. My friends like to go to coffee places, concerts, restaurants. So I either just avoid it and risk loosing the connection, or I go and experience immense social anxiety feeling so drained afterwards. I understand that I can't always be the one determining we will be hanging out in nature, I have to try to fit into what they like as well, that's friendship. But in the coffee place I feel so exposed and just sick to my stomach.

Another big thing is, I am going to a humanitarian tattoo convention in a month. I know this will be good for my studio and I really want to be a part of the culture more. But the thought of me spending 2 days in a crowded place with many other shops is just... I just can't even imagine it. I am seriously considering just not going, but I really want to. I feel like puking thinking about it but I really want to participate. It's for gathering fonds for cancer patients and that means a lot for me since I have lost a few loved ones to cancer. This is more than just a convention and I feel the need to be a part of it.

Does anyone have advice about how to deal with this? I don't want to miss out on professional opportunities and time with friends. I am a dreamer but all my dreams contain groups of people. Should I just accept that I am this way and just live a comfy hermit life doing my art and that's it? Like, does fighting it really help?

I just feel like it's not really normal (for lack of a better word) to dread a simple coffee shop this much. Am I the only one?

Truck driving is the dream

Honestly, I think truck driving is one of the most appealing jobs for introverts. Imagine spending most of your working day alone in your own cab, listening to music or podcasts, focusing on the road and getting paid without having to constantly interact with coworkers. Even at a relatively low-social job, the endless little interactions like saying good morning, saying goodbye and making small talk can get tiring. Truck driving appeals to me because you have your own space and can spend hours getting on with your work without feeling like you need to be socially available all day.

Obviously, it's not an easy job, with long hours, traffic, fatigue and plenty of responsibilities, but I'd much rather deal with those challenges than work somewhere that drains me socially. I'm not looking for a workplace where I can make friends or have conversations all day. I just want to do my job, earn my money and go home. The idea of spending most of my working day alone in a cab genuinely sounds golden. Even if I ended up hating the actual driving, the independence and reduced social interaction would still be incredibly appealing to me.

Hey everyone!

I started my first job about three and a half weeks ago, and lately I've been thinking about how I'm handling the social side of things at work.

I'm naturally a bit reserved, especially around people I don't know well, and I feel like I'm not socializing enough with my coworkers. I talk to people when there's a work-related reason to, and I'm friendly, but I don't really know how to go beyond that and build actual connections.

Sometimes I feel like I should be talking more, joining conversations, or making more of an effort to get to know everyone. But at the same time, I don't want to force conversations or come across as awkward or annoying. I also find it hard to know when to join a conversation, especially when people already know each other and have their own dynamics.

I know I've only been there for a few weeks, but I can't help wondering whether I'm missing opportunities to connect with people or whether I'm overthinking the whole thing.

For those of you who have been through this, how did you become more comfortable and sociable at work? Did you actively make an effort to get closer to your coworkers, or did friendships develop naturally over time?

I'd really appreciate any practical advice, especially from people who were shy or socially awkward when they first started working. How do you go from just being coworkers to actually feeling comfortable around each other?

Thanks! :)

By introvert hangovers, I mean feeling exhausted after a day of socializing, not wanting to do anything that night, and needing a low stim environment while you recover.

I have this new friend that is very talkative and goes from one talking point to another very quickly. I am able to keep up for the most part by chiming in and giving my opinions during each topic. But the sheer pace and lack of silences are throwing me off. I love this person and think they're such a great person and have an amazing personality and share a lot of interests. They're very understanding of my introversion and have assured me many times that I don't have to respond to everything they say and that I can let them know if I need a break. My social battery just can't keep up for longer than 2 or 3 hours. Even after I get home sometimes, I feel exhausted. I also get exhausted with my more introverted friends, but not as much as this. I'm hoping that the introvert hangovers will lessen over time and my tolerance will go up lol. Does anyone have any experience with something like this?

Hi, I know it's such a silly question but I still would like to know if there's introverts out there who likes to wear a hat! And what kind! Like a cap, or a beanie? A fedora? And how often do y'all wear it? Is it a trend for introverts to wear one? I often see more outgoing people with hats more, just curious!

People say this like it's supposed to make me want to go out and experience everything. Travel, parties, friends, relationships, social events, whatever. But what if I just don't like any of it? I don't really have a bucket list. I don't sit around thinking about all the things I need to experience before I die. Most of the stuff people consider "living" just doesn't appeal to me.

I don't particularly want to go out, I don't want a big social circle, I don't want to spend my weekends making plans and I don't really care about having some amazing social life. Even at work, I'd rather keep to myself, do my job and get paid. Then I go home. That's basically it.

Maybe that sounds depressing to someone else, but I don't necessarily experience it that way. I'm not sitting there thinking about all the fun I'm missing. I just genuinely don't seem to want very much. Give me my own space, enough money to live comfortably and the freedom to be left alone and I'm good.

"You only live once" just doesn't have the effect people think it does on me. If anything, I'm glad there's no expectation that I have to do all this again.

I have friends, but I rarely feel like going out with them or attending events. Even during garba nights, when everyone seems excited to go out and enjoy themselves, I don’t feel like going. It’s not that I don’t have friends or that they don’t invite me. I just don’t feel the urge to go out, even when I have the opportunity.

Like I definitely know how to talk with people and I’m very kind hearted. But something in me HATES being around people. Am I the only one?

Also, when is it not them being the first to notice you when you are in the same room and greeting you first a sign of dislike or disrespect instead of just them having a bad day. I've noticed that when I greet someone and they greet back like they haven't slept in days, they might have a much more lively reaction when interacting with someone else. But then again, maybe they are matching my energy or the fact that lately I have troubling chatting with people. Right?

I live with my best friend, and our other joint best friend comes over every day after he is off work. This friend comes over after work because he lives 30 minutes away, and his commute is very congested on the rush hour home, and he comes over after work to "beat the traffic". Understandable.
However he never asks to come over. He doesn't text and ask, or say hey let's hangout today. He will come over, smoke weed with my other friend who lives here, and they watch their show they are in the middle of.
I am the type of person that wants to come home to a house that I pay for and enjoy some quiet time without having to give my attention to anyone else besides myself. I want to come home and read, do nothing, and basically just be alone. I work 12 hour shifts, and in the days that I work it is just annoying to come home to a loud show and a friend in the room that doesn't ask to be in the home. He also will spend the night on work days randomly, and 1-3 nights on the weekend he will sleep here. He even brought his dog with him without asking last weekend.

He doesn't pay rent here, and it feels like he lives here. I want my own space and time, and I don't want someone feeling like they can just show up whenever they want without asking first.

I love this friend dearly, he's awesome. Love him to death. But I do not want to see him every day unannounced and it feels like he is abusing this privilege and using the house for his own benefit rather than hanging out with his friends intentionally.

What is a good way to approach this with him ?

The best experience for me is sitting alone, in a cafe occupied with my own thoughts. This is bliss and I can do it for hours on end.

As a guy my life has been work, gym, my small group of friends, and solitary activities -reading, painting and writing.

This is not good for dating and meeting people.

So, I internalised this idea that my existing lifestyle was insufficient and unattractive and I need to “put myself out there”, become more sociable and bubbly. I attended social events, hobby groups, and tried to become more talkative with everyone.

This was extremely self defeating and made me more miserable.

I forced myself to become someone I’m not, and adopt a lifestyle that in all honesty did not make me comfortable. I did this for approx 2 years.

I have now gone back to my usual introverted lifestyle, and have given up on changing who I am.

This will indefinitely keep me single, but the trade off is peace, solitude and bliss.

At the same time, being single when everyone around you is partnered can get sad.

Anyone else in the same boat? How did you navigate introversion and contentment with solitude and finding your partner?

Im guilty of that, i feel bad but i cant help it sometimes

Edit:

Thank you for your answers. For me, it's this new coworker. Last week I was feeling very exhausted and didn't want anyone to even look at me, and I was cold to her. She's nice, but she talks non-stop, she even said herself that she can't stop talking. So I just went cold turkey and said hi to her and nothing else, ignoring her the whole time even though we work next to each other. Now I feel guilty, as the introvert wave has passed and I'm open to a bit of communication again. I dont want to be completely open to her. Since i might regret it later when i want everyone to leave me alone again

At work I'm chatty, I smile, I ask about your weekend, I laugh at the right moments. It works. People like me. But by the time I get home I can't even decide what to eat. The social battery isn't low, it's just gone. Flat zero. I don't know how to explain that the version of me you see at work takes all day to produce and leaves nothing for anyone else. How do you guys deal with all of this?

Kid wanted to eat alone on a 7 day cruise 😀

this post might seem meaningless to many and thats alright but i genuinely never use reddit and the situation i am going through is bringing me so much stress this is the path i picked and the path that requires anonymity and might bring me actual solutions.

it might be on the longer side but context is very much needed.

im a girl and its mandatory for me to be at my uni almost every day for long hours.

i dont have many friends and i think i might be visibly a loner to almost everybody there, though i have a couple of colleagues i talk to but theyre nothing more than that.

theres a guy there i happened to accidentally meet, we talked only once around a year ago and ever since then every time i happen to see him in the hallways we have to share the most awkward omnious eye contact.

mind you, we dont even know each other, just shared a short brief conversation a very long time ago. it has been more than a year now and this happens all the time.

as much as i would like to befriend this person since he seems friendly, we both never got the chance to actually meet each other except that one time we met, since we dont have a single class together and therefore we have no natural chances.

but this eye contact situation is making my trips to uni extremely stressful, if i look away i feel awkward, if i dont look away i also feel that way, as a person with social anxiety i never dealt with such a strange situation before and i have absolutely no clue what the solution to this is.

i checked and there are no alternative routes to avoid him.

at this point i considered skipping classes just to not have to go through this because it is so uncomfortable to my core.

does anybody know what this situation means or did anybody go through something similar?

i really want to put a stop to this and escape this hell of awkwardness.

Something I keep noticing in threads here and elsewhere: the word introvert does two very different jobs.

Sometimes it's useful self-knowledge. It explains why a full day of meetings leaves you flat, why one long conversation beats five short ones, and it lets people stop apologising for needing quiet.

Other times it quietly turns into a rule. "I'm an introvert, so I don't do networking events." "I'm an introvert, so I don't speak up in meetings." At that point it's less a description and more a reason not to try something, even something you actually want.

In personality research introversion and extraversion are a scale, not two boxes. Most people land somewhere around the middle, and how social someone acts shifts a lot with the situation, how rested they are and who's in the room. That makes "I tend to" feel more accurate than "I am".

A few things that seem to keep it in the self-knowledge zone:

• Planning recovery time after social stuff instead of skipping the social stuff
• Picking the format that suits you (one on one, small groups, a written follow-up) rather than opting out completely
• Noticing when "I'm an introvert" is covering for nerves about one specific thing

Curious where people here draw the line. Has the label ever talked you out of something you later wished you'd done?