So I went on a date with a guy I met on FB dating. He seemed nice. We texted a bit before, and he mentioned he had a mild genetic condition but didn't say which one, as was his right. During the date, he told me it was myotonic dystrophy type 1, but it didn't affect him much. I noticed a swollen lymph node on his neck and asked him to get it checked out. The weeks that followed were a blur. We kept talking and making plans for a future. Turns out that swollen lymph node is thyroid cancer. I went with him to his first appointment with a surgeon. Turns out his myotonic is not as mild as he said. He is impotent because of it, has severe muscle weakness, memory problems, and another genetic heart condition called Arrythmogenic Right Ventricular Cardiomyopathy (ARVC). So he has cancer plus two rare genetic conditions.

For context, he doesn't seem very close to family and has no close friends. So I stepped in to attend appointments with him. His Dr. told him he might not wake up from surgery. He is trying to put his affairs in order and he wants to borrow 21k from my line of credit to pay off a high interest loan. The interest rate on the loan is 25%. The interest rate on LOC is 8%. He says it makes sense for me to lend him as we are so compatible, and he's sure we're going to have a long future together. I said no and stopped talking to him. He has since apologized and said he realized how selfish it was of him to try to put me in debt to get himself out of it, and he really needs my support during this time in his life. I feel bad breaking up with someone shortly after they found out they have cancer, but I am completely turned off by him borrowing money from me. For context, he makes over 200k per year but got into debt due to bad investments.

I'm 29M, she's 27F and we've been dating for about 7 weeks. Things have been going great so far.

She recently invited me on a 4 day trip to Quebec City next month. Sounded fun until she explained it was originally booked for her anniversary with her ex. They broke up in August and most of the reservations are nonrefundable.

She had booked and paid for the hotel and a couples massage as a gift for him, while he was supposed to cover transportation and meals. Everything is still in her name and she'd rather use the reservations than let them go to waste. I'd just have to pay for my own transportation and meals, which I've already budgeted for.

The weird part is she wants to keep the exact itinerary they planned together, including the couples massage and a pretty expensive romantic dinner.

I suggested we just go somewhere else for a weekend, but she thinks that's pointless when everything is already arranged.

I do like her, but the idea of basically replacing another guy on his anniversary trip feels strange. Would you go or is this moving way too fast?

I'm a mid 30's guy... decent looking, tall, good income, got a lot going for me.

I get a good number of likes daily... but always from women who I would never consider dating. Like, I'm sorry Sarah with 6 nose rings, 3 pictures of her cat, without a job... it's not going to happen.

But like, perhaps I'm just as delusional? Because I send the max 7 likes a day and 1 rose a week... I get 1-2 matches every few days and those matches say like 3 words before it's straight to archives with the conversation.

And I've probably deleted and restarted my Hinge profile 10 times... and every time it's me getting the same likes from the same exact women... over... and over... and over...

But like, I'm also delusional because I'm sending the same likes to women who have never matched me or given me the time of day.

Well... I shouldn't say that... b/c I matched one of them today and I said, "Hey Steph, love the energy in your profile. You seem like you'd be a blast to travel with. How is your week treating you?"

And she responds, "I don't golf or hike." I guess referring to one of my prompts where I say I like to golf and hike? So this conversation is going to go far.

I mean... I really feel like everyone on this ish is sending endless likes to people who feel they're well above the wheelhouse of the likes they're receiving.

It's crazy. Do others think this is true? Is everyone just hoping to date up? Cause I thought the likes I was sending were perfectly fine... guess not.

I’m 5’4. I love men who are my height or a little taller than me. 5’6 to 5’9 is the absolute sweet spot, kissing is comfortable, you can still rest your head on their shoulder on planes, you can share clothes, you’re always at a comfortable speaking distance walking around town or in crowded bars, their hips are at the level of your hips for dancing instead of grinding on some tall dude’s kneecaps, etc etc.

I can’t fucking stand this rhetoric of “women only match if you’re over 6ft,” I actively swipe left on taller dudes bc they’re fucking IMPRACTICAL. The taller you are, the harder kissing is. I don’t wanna crane my neck all day talking up to you and get neck arthritis in my 50s, and I don’t wanna spend my life staring up into your nostrils. Plus they take up so much room, their calves are almost always disproportionately skinny, and simple things like grocery costs are through the roof bc it takes so many calories to sustain a tall man.

But here’s the issue, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. that I’ve swiped right on a guy whose profile says he’s in my sweet spot height range, he was lying. I’ve been on so many first dates this year and the dudes who claim to be 5’8 end up being my height like 10% of the time and shorter than me 90% of the time. And I just can’t fathom this as a dating tactic like, “yeah lemme lie to this woman about something she can visually confirm in the first 2 seconds of looking at me, I’m sure she’d love to build a relationship on a foundation of deceit. I lied to her before I even knew her but maybe she’s too stupid to tell, surely she won’t take offense to me thinking she’s a blind moron I can easily mislead. Oh I lied to her but that’s okay as long as SHE doesn’t make it weird by calling me out on it, that would be so rude of HER.”

And before some clown gets in the comments talking about weight, NO, weight is DIFFERENT. Five different people who all weigh 120lbs can look DRASTICALLY different depending on their body composition but five people who are all 5’6 are all the same height and you can TELL.

Like just, URGH. Stop misrepresenting yourselves, there are women out here looking for you!!!!! And we don’t like being lied to!!!! You’re ruining it before it even starts!!!!!

/end rant.

Im 33f, I went on a few dates and got to know the men a bit only to realise that they have very specific way of looking at different aspects of their lives, what kind of things they like, what time of people they approve of, and what isn't something they aren't okay with. And as I introspected, I realised I'm also very set in the way I think about people, material things, likes, dislikes. And I just sat back in my chair with the realisation that we men and women in their 30s are doomed. If we are so set in our ways and unwilling to find middle ground, how in the universe are we going to end up finding a partner we will want to live our lives with.

I think the 30s bring in a lot of life experience, money, freedom and just space for one to be themselves. And then after enjoying the luxury of it all, having to reorient our lives to fit in with a partner.

We are doomed! What do you guys think?

29M Fit/consistent gym Good job (200k+) Dress well Social and charismatic Hobbies Travel a lot NYC (Manhattan)

To date I am single. Within the span of the last year and a half:

• I’ve matched with 700 people on hinge and have been on dozens of dates. I have spent at least $10,000 on dating (I almost never let the woman pay).

• I go out on average every other weekend at popular bars and restaurants in Manhattan and Brooklyn and have gotten dozens of numbers, none of which ever resulted in a date.

• 3 exclusive relationships which all lasted almost exactly 3 months ended by the woman. In all three cases they came back from (Miami/Europe) vacations and completely ended things. It caught me off guard all 3 times, and in at least 2 of the cases I’m confident they cheated while away. All 3 relationships were strong, intimate, great sex, great conversation and connection, hung out with each others friends, etc.

• Catfished at least 5 times from hinge. I do my due diligence and try and request instagram or FaceTime before but I suspect a significant portions of dating profiles are now AI edited.

• Most recently (this one is bizarre), I hit it off with someone and we’ve been calling/facetiming everyday leading up to our first date. I was excited as it was some real organic chemistry before a first date in a long time and she was the one initiating all the communication. I liked that and it’s rare. Midway through our FaceTime, as we were discussing the time of the date the next day, she pauses her camera then straight up ends the call while I’m speaking, then ghosted me. I called her back and texted her, no response. The date never happened.

Idk if it’s just NYC or this generation or what it is but I cannot for the life of me properly date a real person. I am at the point where I am just going to focus on work and travel and ignore dating completely.

What the fuck am I doing wrong?

We had two lovely dates and she asked me on our second date if I wanted to go to a new restaurant we had discussed earlier. I agreed to go on a third date with her.

We had some wine and a few beers during and after the meal and then suddenly her friend showed up at the restaurant who asked us if we wanted to go to a bar with him afterwards. I said I was cool with that and then she gave me a little disclaimer about his shitty personality. I thought to myself, how bad can it be? Turns out the guy is the kind of type that use every chance to belittle and criticize you. He very much did that to me, but was very sneaky about it. He mostly did it when my date didn't hear it and it made me look like an idiot and the bad guy for giving him shit back.

We kissed and held hands during the date and had a good night, but I left the bar for a while and came back only to say goodbye. I had to withdraw from the situation to contain myself.

She texted me later that night when I was already home and asleep, that she was confused by why I left. I told her my reasons and she seemed to understand, but texted me the day after she didn't feel like contuining dating.

I feel kinda bad for leaving her, but also kinda mad for putting me in this situation when she knew about his character. Was I wrong for leaving her? And did s he end it because of it?

Took a day off work to meet a girl.

Every time I asked about her hobbies, interests, or life, she steered the topic straight to her credit card bills EMI and rent. 40 minutes in, she casually asks: "Can you GPay me 4k? My EMI bounces tonight.

First date X Loan lenders correct

I paid the bill, made an excuse, and left. Regretting my wasted sick leave now.

So should I move with her or just block her n move on

I've (28M) have been seeing this girl (27F) I met on Hinge for about six weeks. We've been on five dates and things have been going really well. She told me early on that she rents a small apartment on someone's property, which I never thought much about.

Last weekend she casually mentioned that her landlords are actually her ex boyfriend's parents. They were together for five years, broke up about a year ago and she just never moved out.

To clarify, it's a separate unit with its own entrance, kitchen and everything. She pays rent and has been saving up for her own place, but she's still really close with his parents. She goes over for dinner sometimes, helps them around the house and apparently they treat her like family.

What caught me off guard is that her ex still visits his parents pretty regularly and she's sometimes there when he comes over. I asked if he knows she's dating someone and she said yes, they've even talked about me. Apparently they're still good friends and he's given her dating advice before.

I didn't really know what to say to that. She's been great to me so far, but knowing she's still that involved with her ex's family, and occasionally having dinner with him, feels a little uncomfortable.

Am I making this into a bigger issue than it is or would this put you off too?

I (24m) have been on 4 dates with this girl (27f) that seems to be getting very attached to me very fast.

To explain some of the nuance to this situation, she’s a trans-woman who has a bad history with mental illness, and she says all the time that im one of the only people that has ever made her feel so pretty. Which she is really pretty, I wouldn’t have gone on so many dates and spent so much money on her if I didn’t.

There’s just one issue. Her hygiene is terrible. And I’m kind of a stickler about people smelling good. I like to smell good, so I want the person I’m seeing to smell good to. And I have told her very politely that her breath stinks and she took it hella hard. And I don’t want it to be a thing where I have to be constantly reminding her to brush her teeth and take frequent showers. So many people smell good in this world and I hate that this is what’s making me un-attracted to her.

My only problem is that with her history of bad mental health, and the fact that she is recovering from something that happened recently, I just don’t know what to say to her that won’t send her completely spiraling. I hate that I’m in this position rn I feel like I should’ve ran when she first said she had bad mental health issues.

I've really grown to loathe when this is pulled this out. It immediately kills any banter and momentum that may have existed beforehand. It's such a vague interview type question that has no good answer. It also shows to me you are incapable of just having a conversation normally. Because this is such an impersonal thing to ask someone that is basically just saying "give me things to talk about with you". You should be able to learn about who I am naturally through conversation, that's just how regular social interaction works. Maybe I'm weirdly irritated about this but it just feels like such a lazy and boring way to converse that I instantly become uninterested in continuing the conversation because there is a good chance it will be the driest thing ever.

I (30M) matched with a woman (28F) about a month ago. We've actually met twice and both dates were great, long conversations, she was the one who suggested meeting again both times. So I don't think she's uninterested.

The thing is, she's cancelled four times now, always on the day itself. Once because of work, once because she was "completely drained", once because a friend needed help and once without really giving a reason. Every time she apologizes and immediately suggests another date, often for the same week. Then sometimes that one gets cancelled too.

Im trying not to take it personaly. She has a pretty demanding job and she's mentioned being an introvert. But I've started to keep my evenings open "just in case" and then end up sitting at home, which is getting frustrating.

How do I bring this up without sounding like I'm accusing her of something? I was thinking of saying something like "I really enjoy seeing you, but the last minute cancellations are hard for me to plan around, can we figure out something that works better?" Is that ok, or too much after two dates? And at what point would you just accept that someone doesn't have room for dating right now, even if they seem to like you?

I realized the only thing the guys i’ve dated have in common is that they were very clear about their interest in me and tunnel vision in their pursuit.

Sometimes i’ll see a guy who’s objectively very attractive but it will be impossible for me to develop any romantic feelings for them. Especially if they’re nonchalant or even just existing.

Whereas any guy could show some serious interest in me (flirting, asking me out, paying attention to me consistently) and I end up falling for them. There is something about these guys being so sure of what they want and going after it that really turns me on.

Anyone else experience the same? Do you think this is a healthy attraction pattern?

I envy people who are happy being single. Not the ones who pretend they don’t need anyone but those who seem completely content with their own company and aren’t particularly bothered about finding a partner.

I wish I could feel that way.

I’ve been single for most of my life and I’ve always wanted someone. Not because I can’t function alone, but because companionship is something I’ve always deeply longed for.
I have a good life. A career I’m proud of, hobbies I’m passionate about, friends, travel plans and the freedom to do whatever I want. I keep myself busy, I try new things and I genuinely enjoy my own company.

But at the end of the day, there’s still this emptiness that none of those things seem to fill.

Sometimes I’ll have an amazing day, accomplish something I’m proud of or experience something beautiful and still wish I had someone to share it with.

And I hate that I feel this way.

I see people saying they’re happily single, that they’re not looking for anyone, that they’re perfectly content being alone. Meanwhile, I’m wondering why I can’t seem to reach that same level of peace despite spending years building a fulfilling life for myself.

I’ve tried focusing on myself. I’ve tried dating. I’ve tried not dating. I’ve tried accepting that maybe romantic love just isn’t going to be part of my story.

But the longing never really disappears.

30M. Recently went on a date with 29F from a dating app. We had drinks at a bar, and the vibes seemed good.

At the end, I casually invited her back to my place for another drink, making it clear there was no pressure.

She politely declined, and I didn’t push it.

Ladies, would you find this rude or too forward, or is it okay to ask if the chemistry feels right?

Being demisexual in today's dating culture can feel surprisingly lonely sometimes.

For me, attraction doesn't happen just because someone looks good or shows interest in me. I need an emotional connection first. I want to enjoy long conversations, share silly moments, build trust, and gradually develop feelings for someone before physical intimacy becomes something I genuinely desire.

But dating often feels so rushed. People seem interested in casual relationships or physical intimacy before there's even enough time to understand each other. And explaining demisexuality to someone who has never heard of it can feel like explaining an entirely different way of experiencing attraction.

I'm not against casual relationships actually I just wish finding someone who values emotional intimacy as much as physical intimacy didn't feel so difficult.

Sometimes, it feels like everyone else is speaking a language I understand intellectually but cannot experience in the same way!!!!!!!! For anyone who has ever felt different in the dating world, I'd love to hear your experiences. Has finding someone who shares your pace and expectations been difficult, too?

before the apps people used to set up each other with friends , family, colleagues, literally anyone and it was creating much better relationships. How i don't see this happening anymore. Maybe because no one knows anyone or is it not cool. Or is this not happening with me as my friends are not worth it. I just it is a better way if we were all open to being introduced by people, esp if you could politely say no.

With my (admittedly limited amount of) experience talking with women, one of the hardest things for me to understand and decipher is the level of interest they have in me when getting to know me. I say this because deep down I know that there’s a lot of women who will prolong and continue talking stages even if their heart fully isn’t into it. (Btw I’m not trying to critique women here, there’s men who do the same unfortunately)

I would love to live in a world where people were fully honest and blunt about their feelings, but that isn’t always the case.

So I wanted to create this post to gain advice so that I can eventually become an expert in filtering out low interest women so hopefully I can end up with a women who deep down desires me as much as I desire her

Women, be honest: what are things that you do when the guy you’re chatting with isn’t really capturing your interest? Perhaps he gave you the ick, perhaps he’s not good looking, etc. What are the differences in how you behave with these men compared to how you behave with men that you truly desire

I’d also appreciate advice from men as well. Thanks!

I (33F) am currently trying my hand at dating while working in a foreign country. I speak the language fairly fluently but not at a native, flawless level.

I went on a date with a man (38M) and after some time hitting it off over drinks, the conversation turned to the different political systems in our respective countries. He was saying mildly right-of-center thoughts about pension reform and two of the women next to us jumped into the conversation to express their disagreement and call it « fascist. »

The three of them started talking about different political issues in their country and, because of both the fast pace of technical language and references to parties and names I wasn’t too familiar with as a foreigner, I couldn’t keep up. I ended up sitting there for 40 minutes as the conversation devolved into raised voices, just sipping my wine as the women called for an “eat the rich” revolution and he kept arguing that €400,000 a year is barely rich with the price of things these days (lol). The women were also goading me on to “speak up and express yourself” but I just sat there with my wine.

As political bar arguments always do, it came to nothing but insults on both sides and my date and I walking out. He apologized to me for leaving me out but the evening was shot. The women also apologized to me as we were leaving but said that “your date said some things we couldn’t let stand”

My question is: did he do anything wrong toward me? I feel like a lot of the awkwardness came from me not being able to participate due to language. Is it worth going out with him again as the date went relatively well before this happened?

​

So I met this guy, HE'S SUCH A CUTIE!!!! AGH and I really really like him (like when u had a crush in high school).

The thing is that he told me he only had one gf when he was in school for like 3-4 days and also he never had any sexual experience, I tried to be VERY obvious with my intentions and it worked! >w<

he says that everything feels almost like a dream for him, specially because we met on a random day on streets, because I talked to him.

Today we kissed for the first time and I noticed that he has bad smell on his mouth AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE IDK HOW TO SAY IT! How would u say it without hurting him?

The other thing is that he don't knos how to kiss BUT I REALLY WANT TO KISS HIM MORE but I know he's a little nervious

How to teach a guy how ti kiss? I never did that, like IDK

The other thing is what did u recommend if I want to like start to tease him BECAUSE AAA but I don't want like SEX SEX right now maybe some gentle touch while making out ...

WHAT ADVICE CAN U GIVE ME REDDIT???

I’ve known him for years. We’ve experienced so much together. He has told me he had feelings for me in the past, about 3 times but it never led to anything because I just kept it as friends.

I’ve always been so scared to lose him, he’s really important to me because he is the one I talk to all the time, but when he has had girlfriends I respected that.

During these times though I’d think about him a lot, I’d miss him and whenever I would try and date I wouldn’t want him to find out for some reason. I don’t know what it means. But lately we’ve been hanging out a lot more, more than usual and it’s been so much fun and I feel so comfortable with him.

But now I don’t know if I should say anything or just leave it, he’ll tell me things that I’m like hm? Maybe he could have feelings for me? Or I’m scared it’ll mess everything up.

I (28F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about five weeks, we've been on five dates. He's funny, attentive, and we have a lot in common. But I've noticed he mentions his ex on basically every date. Not in a bitter way, more like casual stories. "My ex and I went to this place once", "my ex hated this kind of movie", "we used to do this on Sundays".

They were together for four years and broke up about eight months ago, so I get that she was a huge part of his life for a long time. A lot of his memories naturally include her. And he's never said anything bad about her or anything that suggests he wants her back.

Still, it's starting to make me a bit uneasy. Last date he mentioned her three times in one evening, and I caught myself counting. I dont want to be the person who gets jealous over someone's past, but I also don't want to end up as the rebound.

Is this normal after a long relationship, or is it a sign he's not ready? And if I bring it up, how do I say it in a way that doesn't make him feel like he can't talk about his past at all? I'd like to hear from people who have been on either side of this.

I (32m) been in long relationships most of my life and my last 13 years were spent with someone I met online so I have literally no idea what to say to people I meet in person anymore and online isn't working out.

What is a good way to approach someone in a relaxed setting (I.e. a bar) and start a conversation? I feel awkward approaching people and I don't want to embarrass myself preferably.

I’ve been dating this guy for a year and I’ll say it’s been interesting. Rocky to say the least but I won’t get into that. His girlfriend of 10 months died about 2 years ago (red flag to me, he moved on quickly) and it seems like he compares me in ways he doesn’t realize. I’m a homebody and was also unemployed for a while. He says he dated women and were with women who do a lot more stuff and live fuller lives. He says I don’t have as high of a sex drive as other women he’s been in relationships with, he told me early on his ex really really loved him and would do anything for him. He says he use to dating women who have more money (she was a doctor) and was able to travel and do a lot. They traveled a lot in their short time together and we’ve only traveled once, to Denver where I just discovered they’ve been to. I saw his iPad and he has A LOT of memories of the two of them, which I understand! He loved her. But it’s intimate videos, of her twerking on him, humping him, her naked on him, and just a WAY more sexual and fun relationship than ours which he says he wants. He wants to do the exact things they did in Denver. Do the exact things they did. Hike, do date night, dispensaries…idk I’m just tired of the comparison! I want a new experience with someone not so still emotionally attached to someone. I’m not her!