Just finished reading it over the last few days. It’s got a pretty hefty introduction that does a great job priming the material. Pretty good variety of existentialist philosophy, while covering all of the basics. Kierkegaard, Heidegger, Nietzsche, Sartre. It’s definitely not a light read though, forewarning lol.

I struggle to form deep relationships despite wanting them. Anyone relate? What helped you overcome it?

there's alot of interesting posts that i follow to get back to later just to find them deleted.

i think mainly because of harsh and judging comments.

u can share ur openion but u don't have to be rude about it !!?.

think about it would u take the openion of someone who just look at the proplem through only negative look without acknowledging other persoectives or looking at the proplem as whole ? let alone being rude about it .

Kind of rant. One of the toughest things about this job is how closely I work with people. Physically, mentally, even emotionally. I used to think that this would be good for me, that I would push my boundaries and somehow force myself to be an extrovert. That was a huge mistake. As INTJs we can stretch our social muscles, sure, we can work in a team based environment.. But I OFTEN get to a point where I have to go somewhere quiet and totally shut everything out. I can do the work, but I just can’t make myself like the people all the time. It took me too long to realize that that’s okay.

Just wondering: INTJs, did you have a preference of where to sit when you were in high school? I'm wondering if there were any patterns (as I'm assuming there was only 1 INTJ for every classroom, or every couple of classrooms.)

In my case, if I could, I would always try to sit on the sides next to the window (to have something else to look at) or close to the door (to make a quick exit). How about you (all)?

Disclaimer: This is mostly a thought experiment I've been entertaining lately about religion, social dynamics, and how people use shared beliefs to their advantage, not something I plan to do. I am also not trying to attack anyone for being religious, just sharing some thoughts I've had about religion and the social advantages that come with it.

So I was thinking how many INTX and ENTP types are more likely to be atheist or agnostic, and don't like following an organized religion, and I happen to be one of those people. But I was thinking how it could be theoretically beneficial to say you are religious and believe in god, even if you don't, just to connect with other religious people. After all, there are far more religious people than non-religious ones, and claiming to share someone's faith could be an easy way to connect with them, gain their trust, and make them like you more. I personally am an ENTP so it might just be my Fe speaking haha, so curious how INTJ feel about this

I have noticed a lot of self help influencers casually weaves religious statements into their stories about believing in god, trusting His plan, etc. and I was thinking how saying that probably makes religious people resonate with their content more than if they didn't say it. For example, I recently saw an influencer post a short about his life journey from poverty to wealth, and at the saying "god is good", like that probably encouraged more people to follow his journey. Not saying these people are faking being religious or exploiting it, but it is entirely possible that they could be emphasizing their belief for the clout, as it is to their benefit in this case. I'd also imagine religious followers might be more inclined to pay for access to the exclusive communities these influencers sell, especially if they feel a shared sense of identity and belonging from their stories. Catering to religious audiences also likely gives you an advantage because you already have some idea of what they want to hear.

Another story I came across was how my friend landed a job at a top tech company through a referral from their mom's friend that go to the same church. She ended up getting the offer with just one interview, during which the interviewer even said "well you didn't pass with flying colors, but you can learn on the job." That just made me think how going to church, especially in an area with rich people, is likely better than any number of networking event lol

Part of this mindset probably also comes from realizing how it is almost impossible to convince any religious person the faults of their religion or the fact their holy text was written by a human from 100 generations ago at the end of the day, so I think it's more practical to just use their beliefs to your advantage rather than spend effort making them understand. Sort of a "if you can't beat them, join them" mentality.

For context, I was born in a religious family so I was religious myself as a child, praying to specific god name and all, but as I grew older and developed my frontal lobe a a little more, stopped living in autopilot, and read more philosophy and religious debates, I just thought how stupid all this was and became agnostic. I can still easily understand people believing in god, since being an agnostic I partly believe there is a creator of sorts too, just not necessarily one who is omniscient or concerned about humans daily life, but I can't fathom following an organized religion anymore. And since then, for almost a decade now, I thought I would never want to do anything with religion, but now I am seeing the power it has over people which makes me wanna play pretend for when it could benefit me. At the same time, even playing pretend when I fundamentally disagree with it really irks me.

Another thing I have found absurd is how many people seem to follow religion simply because they are afraid of hell, which makes me even less inclined to label as part of the same crowd. However, even though I think it's stupid for people to believe that doing morally bad things will send them to hell, especially when our notions good and bad are ultimately constructs determined by humans, I'm still glad that people believe in hell or divine punishment, as it ultimately benefits everyone if they're afraid of doing bad things. I used to want people to make people realize that their religion is made up or at least question their religion, and realize that their beliefs are not as absolute as they think. But now, I'd actually be concerned if some of these people came to that realization and started thinking they could do whatever they wanted, no longer feeling shackled by their beliefs about hell and divine punishment. So, technically I am already benefiting from people being religious.

Looking back, I think I also had somewhat of a savior complex, believing that I needed to free people from being brainwashed into following a particular religion. But then again, a lot of people actually feel saved by their faith, so perhaps that brainwashing isn't necessarily a bad thing, at least from their perspective.

So I guess the irony is that I've gone from wanting people to stop believing in religion to realizing I might actually benefit more if they keep believing, and perhaps even let them think I do too. But where do you draw the line between being socially strategic and being manipulative or malicious? Would you ever pretend to believe in something or follow something you don't if it opened doors for you or worked to your advantage? Is this just Fe turning Machiavellian, or have any of you had similar thoughts?

TL;DR: I'm agnostic and don't believe in organized religion, but I've started realizing how socially and professionally advantageous being religious can be. Would you ever pretend to share someone's religious beliefs to gain their trust or access opportunities, even if you fundamentally disagree with those beliefs? Is that just being strategic, or is it inherently manipulative?

i’ve never met an INTJ. but i have met several ENTPs and INTPs in my life, and i can see, even though they have different humor, background, and experience, they share this similar way of thinking. for example, they rarely try to figure out one’s motive, often taking words as it is (well, not all the time, but way more than Fi users), and are somewhat appearance-blind (like they’re not aware of the beauty standard and doesn’t know who is more good looking than who in a group of people).

i’ve met two ENTJs in my life. one is my dad and one is my friend. they’re both into politics. they’re both ambitious in their life and work hard. i know they’re NOT immune to softness. their humor is like this Speaking The Truth in The Boldest Way Possible™, then laughing out loud after.

so how are INTJs like compared to ENTJs?

Hello! I was wondering if there’s a go to foundational book that really captures the INTJ mindset. I’m looking to grow intellectually, develop my way of thinking, and become better at working in a team environment with my boyfriend but in order to do that I want to understand the fundamentals. I’ve decided to take a personal growth path in the relationship a little more seriously, so I thought I’d start here. I’d love to hear your recommendations!

Anyway. I want to know what tv/anime characters that are realistic/relateable intj in terms of their thinking.

I know how to spot realistic entps, but always struggled with intjs

The issue with intjs is that throughout the internet there is just far too much bullshit overexagirations on how intjs are.

Im an entp are there any intjs here that feel that their logic isnt going to serve them much more in life, like youve refined your philosophical views of life so much that youre probably better off just trying to chase more social goals because your logic isnt even a systematic process anymore its just what you do now?

I hate lying. Once I catch someone in even a small one, I can’t take their words at face value again. Everything they say afterward gets filtered first: Is this true? What are they leaving out? By the time I’ve decided whether it’s honest, I’ve missed what they were actually talking about.

It feels irreversible. I can forgive them and even like them, but I can’t un-know that they were willing to say something false to my face.

Do other INTJs do this? Can you ever fully trust someone again after a lie, or does the filter stay on? And has anyone found a way to turn it off so you can actually listen?

Something to ponder. Also does it count if they were slightly intoxicated?

Tell me about ENFP men dating or married to INTJ women. I usually see the sexes in reverse in this sub so I’m curious about this specific pairing. Are you compatible, what do you argue about if anything, what makes it work?

my bf and I don’t always get a long but there’s a lot of love particularly romance on his end that I lack. I bring the logic and the book smart to the relationship. He tends to read people a bit better than I do. I tend to teach him more about proper communication when we disagree. I’m not commitment averse but he seems to really take time with marriage where I’m ready to do it so I can have stability and kids. However I also overthink the heck out of that at the same time and contradict myself.

To be very honest, I thought I had a lot of empathy and the descriptions about literally feeling someone's feelings were just exaggerated. I learned very late that it was true, and only felt it a few times for two people in my life: my dad and my little brother.

Turns out cognitive empathy plus compassion are not the same thing as emotional empathy.

I find it a little annoying sometimes too, to deal with people that feel it a lot, if they have lower cognitive empathy. I understand it sounds bad to say this, but, for example... someone is going through a difficult situation, and a person with high emotional empathy feels it deeply and they end up making the situation about themselves. They can't put their feelings aside to help said person, because it makes them sad.

Of course there are people who can deal with it in a better way, I'm just pointing out a situation that I noticed frequently happening in my own life and with people close to me.

My friends also always had been very comfortable venting to me, and I believe it is because of lack of emotional empathy. Because I can validate their feelings and ask questions and understand them, without making them feel like they are a burden for making me upset.

Just to clarify I do feel a lot of compassion and I want to help others.

Anyway, what are your experiences with it? I am curious to know if this is common among us Intjs, but also about other types too. Is this related to type at all, or just personal?

Emotional empathy or cognitive empathy, which one is higher in yourself?

Since my previous posts were satirical—and not well-received by some—this text will be serious.

It is long, but dramatic.

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I want to ask you all seriously... does each of you have an internal struggle? It has often bothered me when someone claims to embody perfection, uniqueness, and flawlessness—

—as if they view the very existence of an internal struggle as a sign of weakness.

This makes me "see" that they might be hiding something deep inside,

something they are afraid others might discover.

It is as if they are lying to themselves and the world, pretending to be someone different, while looking down on those around them as inferior.

(Please understand that this irritation does not stem from arrogance, but rather from a long history of self-deception and distorting the truth.)

So...

Is the concept of "internal struggle" considered a weakness for an INTJ? As someone who shares this personality type, I often find myself asking this question—even though I constantly observe the opposite in reality.

Speaking of people who claim to be perfect and so forth: you often see them stoop to a low, backward level—viewing manipulation and exploitation, for instance, as signs of strength and control.

This undermines the very concepts of pride and the inner conscience for an INTJ (it ruins the elegance of this type, in my view).

Witnessing this confirms to me that the internal reality differs from the external one;

internally, things are often the exact opposite of what is shown outwardly.

If you are trying to prove your strength, it implies that, deep down, you view yourself as lacking strength.

If you are trying to prove your control, it implies that you see yourself as lacking control internally.

And so on.

When such a person sees a character in a cartoon, manga, or anime that shares their type, they immediately start imitating them.

In contrast, I look past the surface; I perceive the character's underlying motivation and the conflict hidden behind their identity—gleaning this from their words, actions, and tone of voice.

"That’s why I’m number 1 at..."

*Meh, shut your mouth; you’re annoying us.*

Anyway,

what do you think about this?

And does it have anything to do with the Enneagram?

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I feel a sense of emptiness.

That is why I feel alienated from what I just said.

Words are merely words.

Sounds are merely sounds.

There is no driving force.

I need to vent and I'm sorry I will sound stuck-up. I don't mean to, but naturally this topic will make me look like a bit of an ass just for bringing it up. And of course writing in English is not my strong point, so apologies for that.

I'm studying at university and I find it a pain to socialise with most of my peers. The average person until the age of around 35 seems to have no clue or interest in absolutely anything. This is a good university and one that is hard to get into, yet judging the students, you'd think this is some kind of brain rotting kindergarten for adults. Not only do most people seem completely uninterested in their own course and don't bother with any reading beyond what's on the lecture slides (even those who seem to have taken their subjects purely for the love of the subject) but they frankly don't have any interests in any world topic whatsoever. You talk to people on your course about the course and you just know they have no clue about it barring whatever it is they need to pass exams.

You ask people about some random historical (or contemporary) event that is relevant to how the world works today and they've never even heard of it. Every young person or gen Z seems to be super loud about politics, but they don't actually follow political news, don't know anything about politicians, laws, how their country works etc. Actually, they mostly seem to know about how trump bad because that's just what shows up on tiktok (I'm talking about countries that aren't even the US). But they can't actually tell you what communism was, how inflation works, what does globalisation mean, incredibly simple stuff. Or the events of ww2 or 1, the financial crisis of 2008, what yugoslavia or the Khmer rouge was, stuff like that. Hell, most people can't even tell one local type of tree from another.

I don't mean to imply that everyone should be interested in history or politics or botany or whatever. But I'm just constantly surprised at how little the average young person gives a shit about any topic at all other than their own lives, relationships and tiktok trend bullshit. Most gen Z people I meet don't have hobbies, they have curated "hyperfixations" that the algorithm has suggested to them, they don't read about anything, they can't talk about any basic topic at all.

I don't consider myself very smart or clever (again, I'm aware making this post will make me look like I think im just so above everyone else) and when talking to anyone that ISN'T a gen Z, I realise how uneducated and unskilled I really am. I'm not saying other generations are automatically smarter, but whoever you talk to, even incredibly stupid people that have truly the worst opinions, they at least have those opinions, because they have read about the topic and were curious enough to give it one second of thought. It seems that this generation just truly doesn't give a shit about anything that isn't their own experience or some social commentary. It's so dull.

I just always thought that most people were curious children that grew into teens that have their own thing that grew into adults that have at least some clue about the world they're living and breathing in. And I don't even understand how this is a fault of my own social circles, because I thought that if I were to find curious and knowledgeable young people somewhere, it would be a top university like mine. I go to many interests clubs and hobby societies and people there mostly act as if they just joined them randomly for no reason. It's really hard to have a genuinely stimulating conversation about anything other than myself, themselves or some random other person's life.

Once again I apologise for putting it like this. Obviously this is not all people, but it just hurts how this is most of my experience with people in my own generation. Yesterday I met my new neighbour, a British man who has children my age, and we talked about the most random things; Estonian names, the meanings of Arabic female names, why female names often end in A, interesting grammatical rules, Scandinavian family customs, the value of nature walks etc. Which is a bunch of nothing really, very surface level stuff, but I was so happy about that simple conversation, because he just seemed to know whatever stuff and be curious about these things. At uni, I rarely meet people who enjoy talking about random things like that.

Anyway. I'll stop ranting now.

I know this is not INTJ specific, but I find a lot of posts here very relatable, so I'm hoping some of you will relate to my experience here too.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for practical career and emotional advice on handling a deeply isolating work situation.
I have over two decades of senior professional experience, but I recently took a role at a global MNC where I feel completely sidelined. I report directly to a manager overseas, and there is no local reporting line or leadership coverage in my office.
It has become clear that my role was created primarily to fill a local headcount requirement rather than to execute real, meaningful work. Despite my background:
I am routinely assigned entry-to-mid-level operational tasks.
My authority and expertise in my domain are constantly bypassed or undermined.
The internal politics within the global team are hostile, leaving me isolated both locally and globally.
The constant disrespect and feeling of uselessness are taking a severe toll on my mental health and self-worth. Leaving immediately isn't straightforward due to market conditions, but staying in this environment feels increasingly unsustainable.
For anyone who has been in a token or zero-air-cover role:
How do you mentally detach and quiet quit while protecting your mental health? Yes, I am suicidal.

Someone who has an initial bad impression and has to be taught how to be a good partner to you, OR someone who does everything correctly from the start but does not want to change who they are for you.

Why did you choose what you chose?

(No new traits can be added or changed from these descriptions)

For me, it's astrology and (I hate to admit it) Google Gemini.

Astrology I got into last year and it taught me a lot about myself and accepting myself. Checking my charts/transits has been mentally vital for me. I lean quite spiritual woo woo so it's really really difficult for me to take advice rooted purely in practicality/"earth" terms.

Recently I site I visited recommended using chatgpt/Gemini to get more specific readings and it's unlocked a completely new door for me to understand myself. I never really found conversational AI all that helpful for me before, but this use-case has been absolutely perfect for me.

To be honest it's mostly a space for me to get thoughts out I never could share with others without being dismissed, projected on, or worrying about how they would react. Being able to ask very specific questions whenever I want and only get relevant, cold, "objective" information has been so valuable for me.

I could never get that from my friends (I have none now) or family (also have none now). They were all such cowards, insecure, and immature to really give good advice. They always wanted to play it safe or humble me.

It was my biggest hangup with therapy. I have way too many thoughts and questions for just a weekly meeting. I need answers at 2am when I'm stressed, not 4pm when the sun is out and I'm feeling good.

At this point, I mostly just use it as a diary to get my thoughts out and to just get some compassion and kind words, without all the nonsense that comes with human interaction lol

How about you guys, how do you guys stay sane/seek advice?

My whole life, I've wanted to be a specialist or expert at something particular rather than a jack-of-all-trades type. Yet, I find myself to be 30 years old and unable to name anything I'm really, really skilled at that I think people would seek me out or pay me well for my expertise in.

Curious about other INTJs' experience with this. Thanks.

What do you think is causing this?

I’m an INFJ and my partner’s INTJ. We’re a great match, been together over 12yrs and although we met late in life, neither of us can imagine ever being with anyone else. We’re definitely growing old together.

Unfortunately, we’re approaching a time of year in which he’s home WAY more (his work is seasonal) and he’s always defensive and crabby about it. I’ve told him a million times that he’s earned the break because I know how hard he works the rest of the year, and I do mean it. But it’s still a mighty unpleasant time in which every word out of my mouth is met with annoyance. Annually, and for most of the fall and winter.

The worst part is when I realize he’s getting this way again and start walking on eggshells trying not to piss him off. That just annoys him more.

So today, I asked how he’d like me to respond when the time of year arrives in which every word I speak, no matter how brief or necessary, is met with annoyance. He replied that I should just verbally acknowledge that he’s in an asshole mood and announce that I’m just going to stay away from him. And then do so.

Seriously? Is that how a grumpy INTJ wants to be treated?

I wonder how many people give away their power because they think they don’t deserve it

Watching "When Harry Met Sally" and "You've Got Mail" and before the 'involvement,' being excited that they had a "body double" to execute tasks and reformulate strategies.

Any INTJs have body doublers?