Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.
Agreed. I go out of my way to try to avoid doing anything that would make a woman uncomfortable. For example, I'm a pretty speedy walker, so I tend to catch up (then pass) people in front of me pretty easily. When I was in college, especially after dark, if there was a lone woman walking in front of me, I'd cross the street just so she wouldn't have to be stressed out about some stranger coming up behind her.
If it weren't for these creeps and women could just generally feel safe in public, then those of us that care wouldn't have to do extra stuff like this.
Its such an uncomfortable situation when I find myself coming up on a woman or group of women out in the middle of the wilderness on a hike. I try to make as much noise as possible, clearing my throat, sniffling, something so I don't appear out of nowhere right behind them. It sucks and I cannot stand it but at the end of the day it costs me nothing to do.
I hope you understand, but as awful as it feels to feel obligated to do so it's definitely appreciated. I can't tell you how many times in public I've thought "oh at least he's not [fill in the blank]" about a random man who had to come close to me for whatever reason in public
I am so glad to have read this. I'm 6ft1 and 250lbs and not a looker. I am well aware of the fact that women see me a certain way sometimes in certain conditions so I do the same things. Recently i was at a whole foods and saw a lady, smiled and went about my business. We happened to be paying at the self checkout at the same time and i happened to be walking behind her. I saw her tense up so i said ,"i am not following my car is right there" and she laughed but I could tell she was relieved so i just walked past her to my car. I brought it up to my buddys and they all said shit like, "you should have gotten her number" "she was probably interested " and im here feeling like she was scared shitless. it's nice to know im not crazy and someone else see it
Speaking as a man myself, I 100% agree with you. I hate men who do this, and there's A LOT of them. A LOT.
Edit: apparently a lot of people are upset at me saying I’m not doing “enough” and should be doing something more than complaining.
Funny enough, I actually run a batterers treatment program through the courts/probation/parole and work with a lot of men who are these kinds of people and are also violent offenders.
These dudes are cowards. If there's a guy around their target that could interfere they often don't act out. I have lots of women who are friends and when I'm hanging out with them I've never seen any of these things happen. Though they tell me about them happening and I believe them.
Yep, they wait until you (the good guy friend) go to the bathroom or she's playing watchout, outside, for her friend in the bathroom or any number of scenarios where her respectable guy friend is out of the picture for a minute. They won't do it when you're there.
I work construction. The stereotype exists for a reason.
I had a buddy bragging about how this dude he was working with took a picture of this 'glorious ass' and was showing it around.
I stopped him immediately and told him that's creepy and noone should do that. Then I had to explain more than I thought I would have to about why it's wrong.
I had a guy on-site tell me how he used his machine to help a female engineer get her car unstuck and later joked on his work group chat how "She could've at least given me a BJ." Unfortunately, not only was that engineer on that chat, so was her female boss. This dude was pissed because he had to do harassment training.
I often call other guys out for their shitty behaviour. I might not be super buff or anything. But I want my female friends and just women in general to feel safe around me because I don’t wanna perpetuate this behaviour. And yea sometimes it’s terrifying but it’s gotta be 10 times scarier for the person being harassed.
I was left unnerved after being aggressively and persistently hit on, on the dancefloor. I extracted myself and went to the bar to grab a drink and a guy appeared next to me, claiming to have seen the whole thing, and how it was "bang out of order, that"
I asked him why he didn't say or do anything. He said he thought I had it handled, I look strong and beautiful and etc etc, proceeded to hit on me (a lot) while affirming that he was so respectful, and insisting on a dance I didn't want, offering me a shot I wouldn't take, and generally being ~so respectful~
I think the problem is many of these men have friends that would never do this but struggle to believe that their friend does this. Or can’t imagine them in this contexts and do nothing to stop them. Men care more when other men call them out
I believe you. Just.. try to remember that when a woman tells you a man that you know to be a cool dude (towards you and as you know him) isn’t cool to her. Women are as guilty of not believing when it’s someone they know but like I said. The men behaving this way care more about how other men see them than the women.
Depends, I think we have a reasonable responsibility to educate the bros on why this behavior is wrong.
Close friend of mine grew up awkward and has generally been terrified of speaking to women. He used to exhibit some pretty creepy behaviors as a result and we have helped him "normalize" in thst sense.
Some dudes just don't quite get it and just need some guidance.
Now if he had completely ignored us and continued being a weirdo? Nah fuck that he'd be out the door.
The problem is the creepy men are cowards. It's hard to prevent or intervene when they don't act out when make friends or partners are around. These guys only ever tell their creepy friends these stories so the normal dudes never have a chance to call them out on it.
I have no qualms cock blocking these sorts of men hard, and the woman is very appreciative. I will call them out in public like "Dude, she is not interested and she has politely refused to converse with you sevedral times but you refuse to take the hints that even Stevie Wonder can see. F--- off, leave her alone, you have no chance. She's a hot 20s something year old and you are a disgusting smelly 40s something year old with holes in your shoes.
Usually, when I do something like that in public, the creep will back off.
These are the same guys that cause ladies only sauna days. And then they harrass other men. Despicable beings. Also if you see anything like this then get loud and tell them to back off.
One time I was on the bus, more in the middle. There was a seat open next to me. However, there were a BUNCH of empty rows in the front, including where accessible seating was. This guy gets on with a fuckton of grocery bags, he sits at the front and starts looking around. He spots me.. I’m like fuck.
So he gets up, leaves all his bags up at the front and starts walking towards me and then just sits down, spreading out his legs. I was like nah fuck this, I got up, pushed past him and got out at the next stop.
Happened to me last week. Was at the metro station’s escalator and some guy in front of me turned around and started to make gestures. Then followed me and stared me until the metro came.
Either way, hopefully having a good way to defend yourself can empower you to call freaks like this out and maybe help normalize being really fucking loud and calling attention to creepy shit behavior, because this shit is not acceptable
Would love to carry those, but in the UK it's illegal to carry mace/pepper spray/ guns. And stats show that women who carry a knife/scissors/screwdriver for protection often have it used on them.
Yup. Wearing my high school sports uniform in the grocery store after an event, 40 year old men would turn to look at my butt.
18, filling up at a gas station in broad daylight, a guy tried to block my path to force me to talk to him, and spat at me when I ignored him.
In college, a few classmates would accuse any women getting good grades of sleeping with the instructors.
At work, a former boss showed me questionable photos, implied that I should sleep with the mentor he assigned me, tried to block me into my cubicle, etc.
I have two little girls and reading all of these stories breaks my gd heart. I know it's still the reality of the world, but I know I can't always be there to protect them and that's really fucking hard to accept. I hate this world more often than not these days.
This might sound more extreme but tell them when they are around high school age to avoid drinking with men and never be alone with them, always go home with a girl friend. Stuff like in this video with strangers happens but the worst most violating things often happen when you’re alone with someone you actually knew and trusted + alcohol usually.
i work retail and just last week i had this older man almost walk in front of me and then backed up and let me go. i politely said “oh excuse me, thank you” and he fucking goes “i hate to see you go but i love to watch you leave” ….ok. i just walked faster lmfao i had been clocked in since 5 am and it was nearly 4 pm at that point. he proceeds to fucking follow me going “psssst psssst hey are you doing anything later! do you want to do anything?!” as i’m FUCKING WALKING AWAY. besides that he was seriously old enough to be my grandpa. i wish my first instinct wasn’t to run and i instead rammed him with the cart i was pushing lmfao :(
absolutely, they quite literally have no shame lmfao. the dude i dealt with was literally with another man around his age !! what the hell misfires in your brain to make you feel that’s okay😂 fortunately one of my managers noticed and went over and talked to them without me even saying anything, that made me feel a lot better. i really appreciate how some men are on constant alert for those types of dudes and aren’t afraid to say something
If you’re scared you’re getting viewed as a creep, you’re not the kind of guy to do this.
I’m a non-creepy guy and I’ve still seen plenty of creeps pull crap like this.
Basically they get off enough from the act itself that it’s “worth” it to them. But either they’re too simple to grasp the basic empathy that is required to not do this or they’re deranged to the point they just don’t care.
it's not about being scared of being viewed as a creep. A person's perception of me is irrelavent. But I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of someone being creeped out.
These guys just want to be sure that they don’t miss a signal. Imagine if they momentarily looked away at the very moment she flashed the “Approach me” smile? /s
Genuinely how do people develop such misplaced confidence to do something like that? Even imagining myself in their position makes me want to flay my own skin off with a rusty knife.
I like to scream her age at men if I catch them checking out my 14 year old niece. SHE IS FOURTEEN DUDE! It’s sad the number of times that I have screamed her age at people.
I was sat near the window on top deck of a mostly empty bus and some old man sat next to me, opened his newspaper and kept squeezing my thigh. I was 18 and so scared I just sat there. I'm so ashamed of myself but I only got the courage to leave when it was my stop so I felt like I had a valid reason to interrupt his disgusting behaviour. I felt so scared for the longest time. Then a few weeks later I got trapped with some guy who was following me and raped. But again I feel that was my fault cos I didn't actually say no so I don't feel like I can truly say it was rape I just went along with it so I didn't annoy him and make things esculate. God that sounds pathetic.
It's tough when it's your own trauma, but do me a favor, and imagine a friend sent you -exactly- what you wrote here. A good friend, or a sister, or someone you love.
What would you say to them?
You're someone worth loving too. Worth defending.
I'm sorry that horrible shit happened to you. I'm glad you're here and made it through.
Just because you were paralyzed with fear doesn't mean you consented, and in turn doesn't mean you weren't raped or sexually assaulted.
Don't beat yourself up about not reacting. This kind of shit can very easily freeze you. It's not like movies or stories, there is no dramatic music, there is no clear indicator when it's starting, and it's a giant mental barrier to leap from "I'm just trying to get through my day with no trouble" to "This is it, I actually need to do all in my power to actively protect myself".
None of this is your fault. All of it is the fault of those disgusting fuckers. Be good to yourself like you would to a best friend.
I’ve had men follow me from the parking lot and around the grocery store to hit on me. I’ve had men stand over me while I’m basically laying on the floor at the gym (was on a machine that basically required me to lay) in the middle of a set and start hitting on me. I’ve had men scream and violently threaten me after I’ve turned down their advances. Here’s a crazy one…I once helped a man with directions in an apartment parking lot (college dorm style apartment complex)…I woke up in the middle of the night to find him watching me sleep. So yeah, men really do that shit.
It's definitely a minority of men doing these things, but almost every woman could give you at least one story about an encounter with some dude being pretty openly creepy to her (if not blatantly sexually assaulting her) in public by the time she's 18 years old.
I once had to go to the gas station after painful dental surgery. I literally could not talk. A man, while many other people were in the gas station with us, started cussing me out and yelling bc I wouldn’t (couldn’t) speak to him. Nobody said a word.
The trick is to crouch down, to make yourself seem small and unntimidating, stay behind something so as to hide most of your size, and giggle or laugh so as to show you are not aggressive
If you’re not in a position to give an unprompted massage or just aren’t that good at it, then you can always make them feel safe by following them around. Especially if it’s late at night and they’re walking down the street. Follow them so they know they aren’t alone!
Shame on me for always assuming these are set up or somehow fake because as a guy, I can’t imagine ever doing something like this. There’s a ton of creepy ass people out there …
My former roommate was standing on a packed train when she realized some guy was purposely rubbing up against her. She pushed him away and called him a pig and he just moved away a little and did it to someone else.
So fucking gross.
This happened to me on a train in Paris. I had just turned 18 & graduated high school. We were on a tour to play in several countries and it was our first day in Europe.
We were smushed into a train like sardines, and the man finished on my back. I told no one.
It isn't all guys but there are enough of them that you have to be careful. There are reasons women prefer to travel in groups and are cautious around pretty much every man they meet.
Theres a great analogy about being given a bowl of malfesera and being told that one of them is a ball of shit coverd in chocolate. Not all the maltesers are bad...
It took me a while to understand, but when women say "All men" it's that they have to assume the worst from all men because every interaction potentially life-threatening. I can't imagine doing this if someone's recording me, or being scared of being alone in a bus with another woman.
And a lot of these look like women using public transportation in urban areas, a situation where they're around hundreds of random strangers. So even if it's only 1% men, these women are running into one or more every time they go out.
It's not new. I was 16 sitting at a table at a public library in 1965 and I had a view down one of the rows of books and a man was looking at me while rubbing his crotch. Only I could see him. I didn't know what to do and I eventually left. I wish I had told the librarian, but we just weren't taught that back then. Now, I would have shouted at him to quit rubbing his tiny dick.
As a guy… really? You just haven’t talked to or observed other men? You haven’t heard the United States president talk about women? Didn’t pay attention to the Kavanaugh inquiry? Or the Weinstein case? Have never talked to women around you about their experiences? You should do all of that. People need to be more aware.
Cat calling started at 14 for me and my female friends. It's real and most women experience some form of creepy male behaviour. We know it's not all men, but it's a lot of them.
I think the difference comes to women not holding more social or average physical power in the world, making them more a nuisance than a threat compared to men being like it towards women
Maybe, but I still feel like there are more. And looking at homelessness rates by gender, and incarceration rates it seems statistics would agree. Being physically stronger, not afraid of danger, and having testosterone makes male weirdos more forward and likely to partake in creepy behavior. Most women would be too scared to do the same thing, even if they had a proclivity towards it
When men see women with tons of weird taser gadgets, whistles, or pepper spray, this shit is why. It’s not paranoia.
Too many dudes are naive to how common this is. This video is not an exaggeration. This happens at minimum once and usually multiple times when walking somewhere like a city or using public transit.
This is literally what it looks like to us. Add to that the feeling that you are alone or that the dude can definitely overpower you.
This is in the United States. We love to point our finger at other countries, but this problem is fucking bad here too.
The worst feeling was realizing this shit happened to me the most when I was around 10 or 12. It’s still a lot now I’m an adult, but God, it’s depressing looking back at. I try not to be pessimistic, but that fact makes me feel so jaded whenever I think of it.
These videos also mostly show the creepy side of it. Yelling obscene or threatening things and following us are also just as common. Then imagine doing the mental calculus of whether explicitly rejecting him will make it stop or make it become so much worse.
the mental calculus of whether explicitly rejecting him will make it stop or make it become so much worse
It's been about 30 years since I became invisible to the unwanted attention because I'd gained weight, but whenever I see a woman verbally shut down a man's come-on, like in a movie or something, it still triggers a stress response in me. "Oh gawd, is he going to flip to Mr. Hyde, is he going to hit her or choke her, what's going to happen??"
I asked my niece about this after watching this video and she did confirm this. She actually chuckled and said she was happier as she got older and it became less frequent.
even worse, YOUNG teens or younger, like 10-12. I think the worst comments I got from grown men who were older than my father was during that age span. probably because they know/think you're clueless so they can get away with it and claim that you misunderstood them, if you even complain about it in the first place.
This. I was 13 when I was first cat called and I have always looked young for my age. It was at it's worst when I was 14 - 17 because I was painfully shy, scared and didn't know how to deal with it, and I'm not talking boys my own age shouting things at me in the street, I'm talking grown men who were old enough to be my dad, some older. It still happens now and I'm in my 40's but I tend to respond with something unhinged if I'm around a lot of people and they fuck off.
My cousin developed at a very young age. After school, she had to walk home through her neighborhood where homes were still being built. She was cat-called every single day starting at age 9. Her mom thought this was great and highly amusing. That poor kid had so many issues.
I was still in elementary school when I became afraid of walking around in public because even in my very homogenous suburb, I'd have cars honking at me on the sidewalk. The idea of being perceived at all still makes me sick to my stomach.
Yeah reading this these bs comments made me lose more faith in my sex, go meet or actually talk to a woman you weirdos. It's genuinely like this 24/7 damn near.
These men not have mom’s? Sisters? They were never taught to respect another human? These “men” and the people that are victim blaming have a lot to learn. Empathy is what’s needed, imagine this is the perspective of your daughter. Boils my blood. These aren’t men..
This is the world that we live in and yet most men are in denial. Not ALL men but ENOUGH to make a woman unforgettable whe they scan your body.
Once my ex-bf and me were leaving the restaurant after dinner toward the car parked few blocks away. There was a group of guys on the main street, not even in the alley, staring at us. My ex-bf, admitted few weeks later how it grossed him out. He was also aware that there was no point to confront since it was late and he is neither a superman or spiderman. But his whole outlook changed since that walk.
Mothers and sisters are categoried as non-f##kable. Such men usually view rest of the women are available and meant only meant for one and only one thing. So, this reasoning is actually women projecting their thinking. That is not at all how they think.
I think something that many men struggle with is that they have difficulty imagining themselves doing something like this, so it is difficult to believe. There is a naivete at play that is rooted ultimately in their own good nature.
This comment is for those men - you and I both know most men are not like this. Ultimately, most women know this too. But men like this do exist, they are real, and they are all too often decent dudes who misread something and think this is how they are supposed to flirt.
Some things Ive shared with younger men that Ive seen them struggle with that often help them in their interactions and help build empathy and reduce situations like this:
Women will signal if they do not want to be disturbed in public places. Read body language - is she closed off? Is she wearing headphones or earbuds? Is she trying to appear very engrossed in a book? These are often performances designed more to show others they do not want to be bothered. Not that you should stare, but I have seen women "read" the same page for ten minutes. They arent reading, they are hyper alert and scared. Ive wanted more than anything to just hug them and tell them it will be ok and known that more than anything it would be the worst thing to do. The best way to help them feel safe is to just leave them be.
If you are trying to date, there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to first master the above. Next, you need to forget the bullshit you've heard about smooth approaches. Just approach somebody naturally who seems open and say "Hey, I would like to get to know you, my name is Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots, and I believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings". The idea is to introduce yourself, and share a small detail that could maybe spark a convo. Dont be weird, be direct and flexible. She will tell you if she is interested. Accept whatever comes next with grace and dignity. If shes exceptionally shitty to you, roll your eyes and say "grow up" then move on. 99% of people will not be shitty. It has literally never happened to me in my adult life.
Public transportation is basically never the place for this by the way. It should really ve a social setting with shared interests and mutual friends.
Understand that women are optimizing much of their day around avoiding men like this. It may only be 1% of men, or even .1% of men but thats actually a lot of men! Think about the kind of men and women you optimize your life around avoiding. They are minorities too, but it still takes a lot of your energy. The difference is that in this scenario these guys often approach them, where in your life you can usually more easily filter.
I know someone close (in proximity) to me who does this. You are damn right I call them out. You do not get on an airplane, or anywhere in public and make a woman feel uncomfortable. My being there next to you does not change the fact that you are being creepy, and they do not want to talk to you.
Just because they bought that airplane seat (one example) does not mean that they want you next to them, with your hands in your pockets, or hands on your pants under your tray table, while you corner a girl young enough to be your daughter. WTF is wrong with you?
WTF is wrong with your father? Why did he fail you so much? Why were you never socialized properly? Or called out on this shyt when you were younger? Why do you have such a bad opinion of women? They seem to get off on making women uncomfortable, like they have a bad relationship with their mother, or something worse. It is actually, quite literally sickening.
Public transportation is basically never the place for this by the way. It should really ve a social setting with shared interests and mutual friends.
I'm glad that you said this, because I was reading point #1 about how women on public transit will signal that they're not interested, and kept wanting to clarify that public transit is basically NEVER an appropriate place to try to kindle a connection.
Just don't. Leave people alone on the bus / train / whatever.
And on a peripherally related note, if you're one of those people who insist on playing their music or especially having loud phone conversations on speaker phone while on public transit? Fuck you.
There is a strange overlap in men who are "worried they missed their shot" by not being assertive enough (read: creepy) and have differing views on how their own daughter minding her own business in public may be approached in the exact same way...
Don't try and flirt on public transport, or in a lift or literally anywhere else where it is difficult for someone to leave. Whatever your intentions they will be feeling trapped. Also if they aren't interested you will then be stuck feeling awkward and probably make things worse.
When I worked at a pub a woman was explaining it to me and it was like a light bulb moment in my head. Most men can't imagine doing something like this. But I bet most men can imagine this happening TO them if they were in a gay nightclub. Imagine walking through a busy nightclub full of gay men. Could you imagine that some of those men might harass or touch you? Give you attention that you don't want and didn't ask for. I think most men can imagine that that would happen to them. This is what it's like for women everywhere, all the time. As soon as this woman told me that, it was like.. oh damn
When I - a straight man - was younger I was taken to a gay bar by a female friend. I got a lot of attention and I thought some of it crossed a line. However there were also men there that made me feel protected by simply telling others to leave me alone and stop being a pest.
My lesson was a better understanding of what my friend had to navigate in straight bars, and also to try and be one of the protective people if a situation required it.
The lack of those safe people (specifically being the people willing to step in and say something, not literally just men who won’t do anything to you) in majority cishet spaces is the one thing most people these days are trying to compel dudes to help address. Be someone in a group chat of 57 that flags or reports the “free pussy” text, or someone in a bar who tells someone to keep their hands to themselves. The rapists aren’t going to become better people, but we can reduce the harm and the fear by making sure they’re not enabled to cause it in the first place.
(To be clear this isn’t directed at you—just tagging on to your point)
As a dude. No they're not decent or misreading anything. Imagine you have a daughter. Now tell me again about misreading. Or about naivity and good nature. Imagine you have a daughter and she goes out after dark. Now tell me completely honestly those things about decent guys. They can have a good car good career family etc but they're not decent guys
I am with you. These dudes are rare, but the most dangerous. Then there's dudes that try to ignore these dudes in public spaces. They're both ignorant of the danger and complicit in the danger. Then there's the dudes that will get involved, the second most rare. But they're not sure really when to step in, and they most likely aren't taking public to get places.
THAT many words just to tell your peer-men this isn’t the way to interact with women… Seriously the “you shouldn’t stick your tongue out in public and wave it around to attract a female” needed that much effort to explain? Shit I’m horrified at the idea of interacting with men after reading this.
'Most' men might not be like this, but it's enough men that anywhere there's a gathering of 20+ random men there's going to be at least one like this. Which makes it a pretty ubiquitous experience for women.
I think a huge amount of people would use hostels more if there were more girl/guy dorms
Im so sick of seeing 'lots of space' then 'oh you meant the one girls room we have out of 10 dorms? Yeah, no thats full. For months. Even though we charge more for it. But theres 9 co-rooms with space'
There's this thing growing up in an inner city school that girls will do if they catch you looking at them where they sarcastically yell BOO and look at you all crazy. They make it VERY uncomfortable for you.
Many complain about men not being able to approach a woman on a public space like it was done in the past. But considering this type of bullshit also happens I think is better for everyone the way it is now
Even if they’re uncomfortable because they’re being filmed, which is totally valid, their solution is to turn the creep up to 11 and put themselves on video behaving like that? Nah, no sane person would do that, this is just genuine creeps being creeps.
I mean, some people absolutely would turn the creep up to 11… but usually they exaggerate it to a point you can tell they’re doing it to say “don’t film me if you don’t want me to make you uncomfortable”
These guys are not exaggerating anything. I’d say they actually believe they’re being subtle lol.
What I don’t get is, if you have the balls to make all these gestures to try to signal you’re interested in someone… how are you too afraid to just straight up say “hey I think you’re pretty, do you want to blah blah blah” which would be 1000x less weird and creepy than… all that other shit they were doing.
Like dude. Just speak like a normal human. And if (or when) she rejects you, take it on the chin and walk the fuck away. “I understand, have a nice day” is all it takes.
Surprisingly, the reasoning has nothing to do with companionship offered by public transport. It’s actually mostly about the environmental impact and inner city traffic congestion. A diesel bus is much more fuel and space efficient than moving the same number of people, each in their own two-ton car. Electric trolley buses are even more green.
If i could be devils advocate for a second. Maybe car culture is what ruins everything. If we had expansive, east to use, fast - public transportation, so many of these weirdos would be surrounded by non creeps holding them accountable. They would shrivel away and be easier to ignore. My reasoning for this? Im sure.europe has weirdos, but it doesnt feel lile its all weirdos, because good people use the public transit system.
in spain, i used public transit for everything. i never had a bad experience in the two months i lived there. however, i can't think of a time in the usa where i wasn't sketched out in public transit. what you're saying has truth to it
Being in this situation is the worst. It’s happened to me twice, and a third time when I tried to stop someone doing it to another woman. He turned his attention on me instead.
Predatory fucking creeps. I wish I had the guts to pull my phone out and film them, instead of just being frozen in fear. For every video like this that exists, there are probably millions that don’t.
This is the tip of the iceberg of violence against women. Men, do better.
Im a dude, I grew up in NYC and there were a handful of times we were out skating and a woman walked up around our age and said something like "hey guys I haven't seen you in so long!" Even though we were strangers, always played along because someone was following/harassing them and when they see 8 pretty fit guys suddenly in between them and the woman they're creeping on, they tend to walk away.
Yup - daily occurance esp when I was younger. If I was going to club or party - I wore baggy sweats over my party clothes en route - to be removed once I got to destination. Learned late night - I have to have extra money for uber/taxi and not take a bus/subway at night.
As mother now, I tell my daughter to never take at night or alone - I will pay every single time - my youngest son’s gf - I would pick her up after school to take on commute home even though it’s out of the way for me.
This is why I get nervous whenever I make eye contact with a woman and i make a conscious effort to avert my gaze. I have zero interest in anything but I don’t want to be taken the wrong way.
I know from my wife’s stories what it can be like out here.
My wife is gorgeous, adorable, and super fit, but says she's never once had this happen to her. Never been hit on, catcalled, or asked for her phone number.
Have I been Shallow Hal'd?
EDIT: For clarity, this is not me in any way casting doubt against women who do experience this stuff. I cast doubt on her for it, lol. Not in a serious/accusatory way, I just find it surprising since I've heard how common it is for other women. I think it's partly because we don't live in American cities.
A major factor is where you live. If you live in a large metropolitan area creeps tend to slip through the cracks. In suburban or rural areas communities this type of behavior would stand out more and be more likely to be policed or corrected by a bystander. That’s just my anecdotal experience having lived in NYC and Boston as well as rural NH, Montana, and Alaska. Granted I’m a large man so take that with a massive grain of salt, that’s just what I’ve noticed.
yeah, not really, in non urban areas its a lot of guys in cars... Heres a tale: My friend and I were going to the grocery store to get what ever, and I noticed a ford Galaxy, which was really beat up but its a car I like so I noticed it pulling in. When we came out of the store, I noticed this same car had moved into the space next to us, I was waiting by the passenger side for my friend to unlock, and I look down and this dude is sitting there maybe 3 feet from me Jacking off. I was in my early 20s. I was 11 I first saw a grown man staring at me and my friends playing, while jacking off. And around that age is when men would "be like hey sweet heart come here" while you were just casually walking down the street. It was worse if there was more than one girl child with you.
Some women are oblivious to it. Some are very cautious and read into everybody around them. Also, maybe your women was lucky she never went to places where these freaks are. Not every man is like that.
As a man I see the difference immediately. If I walk by myself in a crowded area, not one set of eyeballs. If I walk around with a pretty lady, everybody is constantly looking my way constantly at every turn. wtf.
Either she's never noticed it or she's simply more isolated. I've never been harassed or catcalled, but I'm a hermit. Nobody has the opportunity. Doesn't mean it wouldn't happen if I actually left the house
I have a cancellable opinion: if you are a 9 or 10, this behavior happens less because this type of creeping is always about control, and their self worth is so piss poor they never try it on 9s or 10s. This is based purely on my own experience that I’ve only ever had creepy harassment and cat calls in public when I’ve been at mid appearance, but never when I’ve been at my most attractive and was modeling.
Why would they look at me while I'm recording them???
EDIT, OK OK shit I watched the first part of the clip and that dude was just chilling before making a throw away comment. If people were being gross why not lead with them???
Did they start before she started recording??? Talk to your sister, friends, coworkers, whomever, they'll all have stories of the same without going to hostels, or recording on their phone.
My assumption is they are holding the phone up like texting or scrolling but recording. Not like there's a recording indicator on a phone like glasses.
The thing is they're not just looking. One of them is even touching and several make sexual/ condescending gestures. Filming in those situations may give some sense of safety because it might stop them from approaching at least.
These comments are crazy right like wtf, they all just acted like fucking creeps BECAUSE she filmed them?? What? Why doesn't it make sense that she's filming them BECAUSE they're acting creepy?
Idk, if someone pulled out a PHONE and started pointing at me and recording me I'd definitely stare at them, I'm not looking away from someone that's creepily recording me, man or woman. I don't care if they post it later with some insulting caption, you stare at me and record me, I'm staring back
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u/UptownLounge 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.