Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.
Agreed. I go out of my way to try to avoid doing anything that would make a woman uncomfortable. For example, I'm a pretty speedy walker, so I tend to catch up (then pass) people in front of me pretty easily. When I was in college, especially after dark, if there was a lone woman walking in front of me, I'd cross the street just so she wouldn't have to be stressed out about some stranger coming up behind her.
If it weren't for these creeps and women could just generally feel safe in public, then those of us that care wouldn't have to do extra stuff like this.
Its such an uncomfortable situation when I find myself coming up on a woman or group of women out in the middle of the wilderness on a hike. I try to make as much noise as possible, clearing my throat, sniffling, something so I don't appear out of nowhere right behind them. It sucks and I cannot stand it but at the end of the day it costs me nothing to do.
Wait a minute, man. Hey, check this out, man. It was this blind man, right? It was this blind man, right? He was feelin' his way down the street with a stick, right? Hey, he walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'? He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said, 'Woo, good morning, ladies!'
I hope you understand, but as awful as it feels to feel obligated to do so it's definitely appreciated. I can't tell you how many times in public I've thought "oh at least he's not [fill in the blank]" about a random man who had to come close to me for whatever reason in public
Precisely. Im out there to decompress and relax as are they. We all have the right to pursue stress free relaxation in nature and if making my presence known to women that have their backs turned to me helps them stay relaxed and enjoying their time then I am all for it.
No it does not cost me anything. I would know what it costs me perhaps a little better than you do, please dont project how you would feel in that scenario onto me. I was also raised that how I feel about a person or situation is no one elses issue but my own.
Belittle myself? For having to make a little bit of noise to not startle someone? Come on now lets be honest about that not fitting the bill of being belittling to my self.
I am so glad to have read this. I'm 6ft1 and 250lbs and not a looker. I am well aware of the fact that women see me a certain way sometimes in certain conditions so I do the same things. Recently i was at a whole foods and saw a lady, smiled and went about my business. We happened to be paying at the self checkout at the same time and i happened to be walking behind her. I saw her tense up so i said ,"i am not following my car is right there" and she laughed but I could tell she was relieved so i just walked past her to my car. I brought it up to my buddys and they all said shit like, "you should have gotten her number" "she was probably interested " and im here feeling like she was scared shitless. it's nice to know im not crazy and someone else see it
I had a man who got off at the same bus stop and start walking to the same pedestrian bridge as me. He crossed the street and jogged a bit to get ahead of me. He was also hitting and yelling at people I couldn't see.
For the record, every time you do this we notice and in our head or under our breath, sigh a little "thank-you." & likely try to trail behind you at a respectful distance in case we get someone who does NOT cross the road and tries something, because we have tentatively identified you as a "safe one".
Being a GNC/naturally masculine/visibly G ay L esbian, I also do similar with women, especially those who pass as straight. But if there is a man on the other side, I also have to be alert for hate crimes alongside sexual harrassment/etc.
So I will just walk slowly behind or infront, sort of bunched together for quiet, mutually assured safety.
I only feel fully safe/at ease with other homosexuals tbh, something about being only 1% of the global population exclusively attracted to the same sex. Lol
Same. Or sometimes, like when pur cars are both parked on the same side of the same aisle, I'd pull out my keys and toss them behind my back and and over my shoulder to catch them in the opposite hand and do the same thing back to my other hand over and over.
I hope being the guy with 90% of his focus doing one object juggling with his loud ass keys made me seem less threatening.
If in a parking structure, you can throw them high enough, hit one of the concrete support beam things on the ceiling so you dont have to reach in front of you to catch them. If you're fast enough you can try to catch them in your jacket pockets.
Omg, I'm a speedy walker and it's always been an issue.
Grew up in NYC so walking with the flow is fast, I always try to make a noise, look at my phone, anything to at least let them know I'm there if I cant go around
As a woman in college often walking home alone late at night, thank you ❤️ but you shouldn’t have to do that.
What tends to freak me out is if someone is walking faster than me, then when they close up they start slowing down so they follow behind me. That’s when alarm clocks rings. But men walking past me happens all the time at night. I tend to slow down to let them pass me.
Yeah, cops are way more racist than they are sexist. A group of rich whte dudes can assault a woman and the cops don't care. But if a Blck dude gets falsely accused of being creepy, that has historically ended very badly for them.
Consider that these creeps used to be ostracized and separated from society and now our institutions force them to co-exist with the rest of normal society. We don't live in a high trust society anymore and it's because we don't punish the rampant sociopaths that terrorize normal people every single day.
Speaking as a man myself, I 100% agree with you. I hate men who do this, and there's A LOT of them. A LOT.
Edit: apparently a lot of people are upset at me saying I’m not doing “enough” and should be doing something more than complaining.
Funny enough, I actually run a batterers treatment program through the courts/probation/parole and work with a lot of men who are these kinds of people and are also violent offenders.
These dudes are cowards. If there's a guy around their target that could interfere they often don't act out. I have lots of women who are friends and when I'm hanging out with them I've never seen any of these things happen. Though they tell me about them happening and I believe them.
Yep, they wait until you (the good guy friend) go to the bathroom or she's playing watchout, outside, for her friend in the bathroom or any number of scenarios where her respectable guy friend is out of the picture for a minute. They won't do it when you're there.
While i agree some definitely do that, you only have to watch videos to see many instances of people playing bystander.
Plenty of men do stuff in front of other men and don’t get called out for it. I’m not just talking about the extreme stuff but things like sexual comments etc.
As a woman, I have often been the first and only person to call men’s poor behaviour out. It’s definitely a part of my personality but in my experience, men are less likely to do it.
Often, a woman bystander may be able to call out poor behaviour, because the pervert's warped morals prevent him hitting women (though leering over them is fine).
If a man tries to intervene or point out his behaviour, there is a chance he will be hit, or worse.
they wait until you (the good guy friend) go to the bathroom
I had a female friend point this out to me.
These guys know how to spot other guys.
They'll make a comment and if you don't react right, they know you're not one of them and they know to hide it from you. Dogwhistle sort of stuff. They might make a comment, you react badly and they apologise or pretend it was a joke and then they know not to do it.
Do you think she's hot?
I don't care, it's your turn.
They wait until there are no "safe guys" around before they act.
"Do you call guys out when they do this?" but it's a bit hard to do because the majority of men never see this. Even in the examples above, the guys are in empty trains/buses or hiding from other guys.
It's hard to spot these guys until you know you even need to be on the lookout. They might seem like perfectly decent guys until they get drunk or around women and then you might get vibes and stop hanging out with them but it's hard to call someone out if they haven't actually done anything.
I also had a friend like this where he was accused of it by one girl but vouched for by other girls. What am I supposed to do in that situation?
Yeah, I'm sure this isn't true 100% of the time, sometimes there are witnesses bystanding, but I've never seen anything like it. I mean, I've told men to leave women alone at bars and parties and such, just never been near the stuff in the video. Though I'm also sure I've missed some stuff.
They are cowards, when I’m with my husband I’m basically invisible I just catch lingering glances sometimes but no one bothers me. We were at a bar just last week and the second my husband went to use the restroom an old man stumbled over waaay too close to me and just locked eyes on my breasts and said “woah” then quickly scampered away. I hate that when I’m alone I’m just more anxious in general about being perceived.
Yea but at the same time you’ll get a guy that’s socially awkward trying to approach a women for the first time of his life and the women would look at him as a creep when the dude just terrible at talking to women I find that a lot women do blow things out of portion so I don’t believe everything they say but I do see there are creeps out here on both sides
I work construction. The stereotype exists for a reason.
I had a buddy bragging about how this dude he was working with took a picture of this 'glorious ass' and was showing it around.
I stopped him immediately and told him that's creepy and noone should do that. Then I had to explain more than I thought I would have to about why it's wrong.
I had a guy on-site tell me how he used his machine to help a female engineer get her car unstuck and later joked on his work group chat how "She could've at least given me a BJ." Unfortunately, not only was that engineer on that chat, so was her female boss. This dude was pissed because he had to do harassment training.
My wife is in the industry. When she punch lists items at the end of a job she always has stories about the men in charge being friendly.. She prefers not to punch list.
I often call other guys out for their shitty behaviour. I might not be super buff or anything. But I want my female friends and just women in general to feel safe around me because I don’t wanna perpetuate this behaviour. And yea sometimes it’s terrifying but it’s gotta be 10 times scarier for the person being harassed.
See, I don't think you have to be super buff. I think you just need to make it clear that you see what they're doing and that you're going to make a scene if they continue.
And you're exactly correct--it's far scarier for the person being harassed.
Yep. And while I’ve only been on this world for 18 years I have learned that a lot of creeps like this are cowards who hate any kind of pushback or confrontation so just calling them out on their creepyness usually does the trick. And if they do retaliate then so be it anything to keep my friends safe.
I was left unnerved after being aggressively and persistently hit on, on the dancefloor. I extracted myself and went to the bar to grab a drink and a guy appeared next to me, claiming to have seen the whole thing, and how it was "bang out of order, that"
I asked him why he didn't say or do anything. He said he thought I had it handled, I look strong and beautiful and etc etc, proceeded to hit on me (a lot) while affirming that he was so respectful, and insisting on a dance I didn't want, offering me a shot I wouldn't take, and generally being ~so respectful~
Dammed if we do, dammed if we don't. If we don't do something, women are upset that we didn't come to their rescue. If we do interfere we get told that you don't need a man to do things for you or help you out... Make up your minds.
Yes, but then again I am a 200cm dude who just doesn't give a fuck. Lots of other dudes won't unless they take it too far cause these are the same idiots that will throw down for almost no reason at all.
Are you willing to stick around for the police report and take time off work to be a court witness after I get assaulted/stabbed for telling a guy their comment wasn't cool?
You don't have to leap to the rescue or play the hero yourself, friend. All we ask is you alert the staff or security at the venue if possible, and call out your mates if they are flirting with someone who has already made it clear they aren't interested. You are very unlikely to get stabbed over this type of situation, even if an altercation does arise.
If there isn't anyone around who can extract her from the situation, she looks worried/scared or trapped, and you feel it is safe for you, you can bound over and act like you know her (example: hey random name! Where have you been? Hug briefly, say into her ear- I'm your brother, go with it) and lead her away from the guy, exclaiming people are waiting on her.
This isn't a catch all obviously, but genuinely even one person seeing or saying something matters.
You don't have to leap to the rescue or play the hero yourself, friend.
I feel like the comment I was responding to was calling for this. I am happy to go get security (what I usually do instead of confronting them myself) and to call out mates. That being said, I am not friends with creeps.
I don't think the "I'm your brother" thing works as well with men as it does women. A lot of women would be wary that you are also a creep who is just trying to get their guard down to lead them somewhere isolated.
Very low chance that he escalates from that to punching her in the mouth. But if I go up and say something, and I don't obviously look like I can overpower him in a fight, it's much more likely that my standing up to him will get me punched in the mouth, because he knows if he punches me in the mouth there is very little chance of the rest of the people in the club running up and attacking him for the gall.
But there are men who are salivating over the chance to do violence, and when a man has struck a woman in public, that's one of the times a man can really dish it out to another person and most people will not look at him as the aggressor. Men who harass women and men who are looking for another man to beat up are often the same men, so they know to be aware of one another.
So yeah, if she tells him his comment wasn't cool, he's probably going to call her a bitch/tease/slut/some combination thereof. He might continue to harass her to the same degree he was doing before. But he's unlikely to pull out the knife or deck her in the face.
Guess it's better for the woman to be followed and raped, I guess. As long as you don't miss work.
Guys that do this shit and don't get called out get worse over time, not better. They think all men are like them and what they're doing is fine, or they convince themselves no one noticed because no one said anything. They think they got away with it, so why not push for more.
I was saying that women need to understand that a man confronting another man for gross comments comes with a very high chance of them getting assaulted. If you want strangers to step in to defend you, then you also should back them up and not leave them to deal with the fallout alone.
Unless they’re also in active danger and must flee immediately, then I feel MOST women WOULD help deal with the fallout if a kind stranger was injured/assaulted while helping/defending her.
I know that's what you meant. I'm asking if you can live with the guilt of seeing her on face on the news later knowing you could have done something.
Like the person who replied before me, most women absolutely would stay unless their life was in immediate danger.
One man fighting back usually encourages more men to help. One woman screaming for help usually results in people avoiding the area so they don't get involved. There's a reason they teach us to scream "fire" instead of "rape".
Had a few people tell me my not-obviously-gay co-worker made them uncomfortable. They refused to believe he had absolutely zero interest in them. It's like in their mind he was not allowed to be gay and not allowed to not be interested in them. Therefore he's a creep if he arrives when they arrive or leaves when they leave or works late when they work late or walks up the stairs behind them or uses the bathroom immediately after they used the bathroom or sits on the other end of the very large waiting room couch with them or doesn't leave if they sit on the couch after he's already been sitting there.
Men will rarely do anything against the grain of their male peers, and certainly not if they hold any kind of authority. It's literally why they make such good soldiers.
Yes. But I have gotten horrible retaliation as a result. Something about interrupting a bull on testosterone. I am not just talking the men, as a guy myself, but also the women. A lot of women will cut one another down because the man's world had kind of made them mean. Many guys would be stunned to hear I got more shit from women "cockblocking" another guy than other guys.
For example. A young female assistant of mine was being harassed at a party by a drunk. As in pinned to the wall, asked to be in a threesome with his wife, who had a thousand yard stare the entire time. Several women commented even on it.
"Wow, he's certainly FRISKY tonight..." and "I had to stand next to my husband all night because despite me telling him many times I was married, he wouldn't stop."
Again, these were comments from other women. I ended up taking the woman home because she didn't feel safe. So when I reported the guy (this was an unofficial work function), I thought these women would back me up. NOPE.
"Don't get me involved," was the thing I heard most. "It won't end well for you," was another warning. Again, from the women. The guys all looked away. Nothing got done. But this guy panicked when he sobered up, I guessed, and for years afterwards, a version of the Narcissist's prayer floated around.
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not his fault.
And if it was, he didn't mean it that way.
And if he did? ... She deserved it.
Some people said she was sleeping with me. Some say she "bewitched me" or "took advantage of me." That she was secretly a whore and ... lot of this was from the women. The men, too, because "how could you say that about a sweet person like that...?"
The most fucked up thing? If I hadn't witnessed it. If I hadn't said, "let's get you back to your apartment?" and made sure she got home safely? Maybe... just maybe... I wouldn't have believed her, either. And that what haunts me to this day. How many times might have I done this as a guy? Looked the other way, thought, "well, it happens." Just think she's gotta toughen up? "Not my problem?" Yeah. I probably fuckin' did.
I still think I made the right decision, ultimately. It had a huge cost for me socially and work-wise. But if I think of those times when a woman friend tells me about "that time at a party" and how it changed them, and how they wish they could have said "get out, GET SAFE!" to their younger selves, but feared rocking the boat, looking like a bitch, un-fun, a drag, and "maybe it will be okay." And it wasn't.
I don't know where the fuck you found the arrogance to type that, but let me explain this to you in a way you might actually understand: I am not legally or morally responsible for the actions of complete strangers simply because we have the same plumbing.
The only acceptable reason to run your mouth about collective accountability is if we were currently living in a 9th century Anglo-Saxon tithing - a primitive, medieval legal system where groups of ten men were held mutually responsible for each other's crimes. We abandoned that concept a millennium ago because civilised societies recognise individual agency.
What genuinely pisses me off about the likes of you is the hypocrisy of your worldview.
You demand that men operate as a monolith, acting solely as an unpaid security detail to police the behaviour of strangers in public. Yet, the second a woman commits a crime, your demographic instantly abandons "collective responsibility".
Let’s look at the actual reality here. When a woman like Lindsay Clancy methodically strangles her three children, we definitely don't see a collective female apology. What we saw was hundreds of women protesting outside the courthouse, making heart-hands and declaring her a "victim of the medical system."
When Lucy Letby was convicted of murdering seven premature infants and attempting to murder eight more while working for the State, we see deranged women on TikTok trying to form support groups for her.
And a personal favourite of mine is watching women aggressively defend one another during cases of paternity fraud - a devastating atrocity that only women can perpetrate. When a man discovers he has been tricked into raising her affair child, the collective female response is to gaslight the victim and tell him to just "suck it up" and pay the bill. The conversation is well, well beyond the point of asking you to 'call out other women'.
If I am required to take personal responsibility for a bloke leering on a train - a man I have never met - then when exactly can we expect your formal, public apology for the dead babies in the neonatal unit?
Don't you dare demand collective accountability from men while women actively excuses the most heinous crimes imaginable simply because the perpetrator has a vagina.
What an insult to every male victim of female abuse.
Let's put 57 of them together in a text thread and have one of the guys suggest that any of the other men can come to his room and "whip it out" on a girl.
Let's see how many of those 57 men speak out. Ya know, act on that "hatred" of "these guys". Maybe suggest that what that guy is saying is fucked up and he shouldn't talk that way about a woman.
Let's try that. Let's see how it goes. Oh wait, we already have??? How did it turn out?!
Do you have any input on why these peopIe aren't separated from the rest of society and placed in institutions/wards? As far as I am aware, most of these peopIe are repeat offenders that never turn a new leaf.
I wouldn't bother trying to play other peoples' game of altruism olympics, they don't own you and we all have our own morals and values, plus they will always move the goalposts. Let it go.
I hate this as well but I also wouldn’t say I’m 100% convinced that’s what is happening in all of these clips. I hate having a camera pointed at me too. The quick assumption is that the camera is being pointed because they were being weird beforehand which is clear with some of these. Some not as much
I think the problem is many of these men have friends that would never do this but struggle to believe that their friend does this. Or can’t imagine them in this contexts and do nothing to stop them. Men care more when other men call them out
I believe you. Just.. try to remember that when a woman tells you a man that you know to be a cool dude (towards you and as you know him) isn’t cool to her. Women are as guilty of not believing when it’s someone they know but like I said. The men behaving this way care more about how other men see them than the women.
Depends, I think we have a reasonable responsibility to educate the bros on why this behavior is wrong.
Close friend of mine grew up awkward and has generally been terrified of speaking to women. He used to exhibit some pretty creepy behaviors as a result and we have helped him "normalize" in thst sense.
Some dudes just don't quite get it and just need some guidance.
Now if he had completely ignored us and continued being a weirdo? Nah fuck that he'd be out the door.
He may have known he was being creepy but didn’t know what else to do. At that point friends can help but girls at parties and on the bus might still do well to avoid until he’s properly socialized. Both can be true.
The problem is the creepy men are cowards. It's hard to prevent or intervene when they don't act out when make friends or partners are around. These guys only ever tell their creepy friends these stories so the normal dudes never have a chance to call them out on it.
They really are. I’m a woman and I don’t have this issue. But it’s because I mean mug every man I see on public transit and try to make myself as large and physically imposing as possible. They are cowards. They fear women, generally. They try to look for women who won’t notice or speak up when they are uncomfortable. As a woman, we need to realize the power in that. Cross your arms, spread out (unless it’s crowded), keep one hand in your jacket pocket, and glare. If someone asks you, why are glaring, glower.
I’m not saying there aren’t creeps who would still try something, but ever since I adopted this habit of pretending I am the Batman, I have not had a single incident. Use their fear against them!
I knew/knew of some shitty people. Then knew what happened to them, what i described above happened to them and therefore i saw it happen. Plenty of times
i was in high school in the early 2000s, and i was literally the only boy in my entire group of friends that felt no compulsion to comment on other women's bodies in public, nor did i have a need to stare at hot women in public and loudly comment on it
if i called it out, i would just be left with no friends, and its not like girls or other guys are going to be in a guys corners for calling out all of his own friends, so you just learn to stay quiet
im sure there are girls that dont like how their group of friends talk about men but stay quiet so they can still keep their friends
I think it’s also just really hard if someone you view as a good or at least decent person does something really icky. It can take different people different amounts of time to readjust that view. I worked for a while with parents of kids that had be SAd typically by a family member. Some parents got right on board with kid … more than half took time. My advice was always it’s ok to need time but when you’re talking to that kid you say nothing (not nothing but at least neutral “that must have been scary, this must be hard”) and work their doubts out in therapy.
I have no qualms cock blocking these sorts of men hard, and the woman is very appreciative. I will call them out in public like "Dude, she is not interested and she has politely refused to converse with you sevedral times but you refuse to take the hints that even Stevie Wonder can see. F--- off, leave her alone, you have no chance. She's a hot 20s something year old and you are a disgusting smelly 40s something year old with holes in your shoes.
Usually, when I do something like that in public, the creep will back off.
These are the same guys that cause ladies only sauna days. And then they harrass other men. Despicable beings. Also if you see anything like this then get loud and tell them to back off.
And please show me the myriad examples of men being in those same positions of danger of the women illustrated above, which is what we were talking about.
Men kill men in violent crimes “largely driven by interpersonal, gang, and domestic abuse.”
I mean I wouldn’t say looking makes you a predator, I look at everyone who moves in my peripherals guy or girl. I have noticed if I find someone particularly attractive male or female I might look twice but not creepily or extended periods. And I go out of my way to not make women uncomfortable.
No these aren't passing glances. Imagine being looked at like a fresh piece of meat. Every where you go in public, there's always meat guy, staring at you. Imagine you see that the meat guy of the day is a priest or a teacher. Imagine the days when you look good and you get twenty seven meat guys staring so hard you need a shower when you get home.
Same. I'm very sensitive to startle/things moving somewhere in my vision and I'd look at anyone were they moving a bunch, it's almost never attractiveness for me
Yeah. Here I am trying my bestest best to not make women uncomfortable while they exist in public, going so far as to tell creeps to fuck off if I see them (which happened like twice, and once me and my wife were sudden "friends" for some young girl while we walked downtown) and then I see this kind of shit in a compilation... It's like pushing a fucking boulder up a mountain.
How the fuck have still not evolved enough to not be bitch ass fuckers to each other. Jesus.
In so many videos where there are other men present they don't do anything about it even when a woman is being cornered or touched in front of them. The rare blue moon that one man steps in out of millions of incidents daily, it's treated as an amazing anomaly and posted to [r/GuysBeingHeroes](r/GuysBeingHeroes)
Until men make men afraid of behaving this way in public, my eyes just skim past the brave and noble "I think other men are weird for this!" comments. I want to hear "If I see a man do this I'm getting really loud and rounding everyone up, or he's getting hurt" comments - because that's what I do when I've seen another woman being touched, propositioned, or cornered while men just stare with awkwardness or mild disgust at best.
I holler and point and immediately get an authority involved, and if he's the spindly frat boy I can take, I physically remove him myself. While the men around go "Woaahhh, hahaha".
Like, do something - and warn other men in your comments about what you've done and will do if you see it.
I mean sure, we get that. But what is an inconvenience or embarrassment for men, is a -danger- to women. Gals get assaulted, raped, or killed by these men.
A couple of these are social media "stars" who do parodies. Some of them seem legit, but I also recognize a couple of the social media personalities who do parodies in this mashup
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u/UptownLounge 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, men hate these guys too. There’s a particular type of male who genuinely believes that the lack of interest in him from women is due to some fundamental misunderstanding. They’re the same men who will look over your shoulder mid conversation if there’s an attractive woman nearby.