I’m curious what the worst, most toxic, or emotionally draining traits you’ve experienced.

I am 32(f) and here are some of mine:

•Constant provocation over the smallest things: Deliberately pushing buttons and provoking reactions, then acting completely innocent.

•Stonewalling and silent treatment: Ignoring me for days, withholding communication, acting like I didn’t exist.

•Lack of initiative: Never taking initiative for fixing problems or improving the relationship.

•Empty promises: Constantly promising to change, but never actually following through.

•Screaming and name-calling: Yelling, insulting and using degrading language during arguments.

•Vindictiveness: Always needing to get revenge and take things one step further.

•Resenting my happiness: Getting irritated or angry whenever I am focusing on my own needs and interests.

•Controlling behavior: Trying to control everything, including when I was “allowed” to do certain things. Saying things like, “You can do that when I feel like letting you.”

•Controlling my appearance: Telling me what clothes I was and wasn’t allowed to wear.

•Interfering with my career: Trying to control my job: wanting to be part of business trips to control me.

•Invalidating my feelings: him denying my emotions, and acting like he knew my own feelings better than I did.

•Playing the victim: Somehow turning every situation around until he was the victim, even when he was the one who hurt me.

•Threats and ultimatums: Threatening to replace me with another woman or cheat on me to get his way.

•Devaluation: calling me a disgusting, worthless woman, insulting my character, and questioning what I had ever done for him.

•Jealousy of my success: Instead of being proud of my achievements, especially at work, my success seemed to trigger anger and resentment

•Picking fights over normal social interactions: Getting angry when I was friendly or talkative with people in public, even waiters. He would call that behavior “masculine” and start arguments over it.

•Rigid gender roles: Constantly defining himself as a “real man” and imposing strict rules about how a woman should behave, speak, dress, and interact with others.

•Treating strangers badly: Being rude, disrespectful, or condescending toward waiters, Uber drivers, and other service workers.

•Constant negativity and miserable moods: Almost always being angry, irritated, or in a bad mood. It felt like his negativity filled the entire room.

I’m curious whether others experienced that constant feeling of having the life and energy sucked out of them.

Hi guys, I'll try to keep this as short as possible although there's a lot I could say...

I'm 24 Femal from Morocco, I have a bachelor's degree in finance, and for the past month, I've been trying to survive on my own after running away from my fathers home.

I lost my mother a while ago, and ever since then life hasn't really been the same I grew up in a very strict religious family especially when it comes to my father..

He has always been controlling, but things got much worse when he started insisting that I marry a man he knows who's almost 20 years older than me.

I barely knew this man, and the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone I didn't love, someone old enough to be my father terrified me.. But my father didn't care about what I wanted, To him it was already decided and my opinion didn't really matter... And as an agnostic girl who was trying to hide her ideas and thoughts and acting the whole time around him.

I refused multiple times, hoping he would eventually understand but instead, things became unbearable at home. The arguments turned into threats, and I started feeling like a prisoner

Eventually, I realized that staying meant accepting a marriage I never wanted, so I made the hardest decision of my life and left and he said if I stepped outside the door he won't accept me as a daughter for the rest of life..

It's been around a month now, and as I just graduated I couldn't find a decent job and couldn't even rest mentally to start thinking straight tbh

At first, I stayed with a friend for a few days, but I couldn't keep depending on her, so I moved to another city, hoping to start over somewhere nobody knew me.

And God, I had no idea how cruel the world could be to a young woman who's completely alone.

It feels like almost everyone I meet wants something from me... Some men pretend to care about my situation offer help and then eventually reveal what they're actually expecting in return

Others see my vulnerability as an opportunity to take advantage of me

I managed to find a job in a hotel but even there I couldn't feel safe.. A coworker started harassing me and I eventually resigned because I was terrified of things getting worse.

Now I'm struggling financially, emotionally, and mentally. Some days, I barely have enough energy to get out of bed, let alone figure out how I'm supposed to rebuild my entire life.

The worst part is that I've already attempted suicide twice since leaving home. I'm not proud of admitting that, but I don't want to pretend that I'm doing okay when I'm clearly not. There were moments when the loneliness, fear, and hopelessness became so overwhelming that I genuinely couldn't imagine another way out.

I keep thinking about my mother and how different everything might have been if she were still alive. Maybe she would've protected me, maybe she would've listened, or maybe I would've at least had someone to cry to when everything started falling apart.

Sometimes I even catch myself wondering whether marrying that man would've been easier than living like this. Maybe I could've endured it for a while and eventually gotten divorced I know how terrible that sounds, but when you're constantly fighting just to survive you start questioning every decision you've made.

I spent years studying, dreaming about becoming independent, building a career, and having a normal life. And now, at 24, I feel like I've lost everything before my life has even properly started.

I don't have a family to turn to, I don't have financial stability, and I'm slowly losing the little confidence I had left.

I'm not writing this to ask for just money or sympathy I just needed somewhere to let everything out because keeping it all inside is destroying me... I will be homeless at the end of this month and that make me wanna just get relieved from all this pain and put a conclusion of this suffering.

I just wanted to rest and think and look for jobs while Im in stable situation, I live now with the worst roomate u could have and even tho I'll miss having a bed and bare minimum life cuz I lost hope that I will build my life again

Edit-
I’m sorta grateful he got to see y’all’s POV. I’ll update later, can’t type to much right now.

I

So I woke up and couldn’t find my phone, I already know what that means. Anyways I woke up to all the incriminating photos deleted, little does he know is they were not deleted fully, I am going to put them on a SD card just in case he figures it out. Anyways he called yall my fan club, we are all over exaggerating & he would be better if I was. I asked him if he really read the comments, he kind of dismissed the question. I told him they find you terrifying and abusive saying I need to get away.. its not just me and not me lying, i told him i NEED people to talk to about this bc im not okay. Sadly, this is my tame account, my other account has a lot more violent stuff, that is more so what pissed him off bc he’s what if someone found him out, they won’t find out if you don’t do it 🤷🏻‍♀️.. surprisingly was not that mad though that I thought him, NOW, I’m sure this will be used for later.
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What was your breaking point? What made you say “enough is enough” and gave you the strength to leave? Today he took my food away; he said he was done eating and cleared everything off the table. When I asked for an explanation, he told me to thank him for keeping me in line. Just to be clear, I’m 5.9 feet tall and weigh 140 pounds

TW: Domestic abuse, coercive control, substance abuse, physical aggression

I'm looking for some objective advice because I'm genuinely unsure how to handle this situation.

A few years ago, I was romantically and sexually involved with a woman. We were never officially in a relationship, but we were close and had an intimate connection. Eventually, life took us in different directions.

We recently reconnected when she reached out to me during a particularly difficult time in her life. She told me she was in an abusive relationship and wanted to leave her boyfriend.

According to her, he's extremely jealous, regularly monitors her phone, accuses her of cheating, and becomes unpredictable when drinking or using drugs. She also disclosed an incident where he became physically aggressive with her. She explicitly told me she was afraid of him.

As we continued talking, our previous romantic and sexual connection resurfaced. We exchanged intimate messages and discussed potentially being together again. I'm including that context because I want to be transparent about my personal involvement and acknowledge that my feelings might influence how I'm interpreting the situation.

She explained that she wanted to leave him but was struggling with circumstances that made leaving difficult. I encouraged her to seek help and provided information about domestic violence resources.

Then she stopped responding.

It's been several weeks since her last message. I've reached out multiple times asking whether she's okay, but I haven't received a response.

Under ordinary circumstances, I'd assume someone had lost interest or simply didn't want to communicate anymore. I'd respect that and move on.

But these aren't ordinary circumstances.

She specifically told me that her boyfriend monitored her communications, that she had limited opportunities to contact me privately, and that she was afraid of what might happen when she returned home.

I'm concerned that he may have discovered our correspondence, that she's being prevented from communicating, or that something worse may have happened.

I've contacted a domestic violence support organization and am awaiting guidance. There are sensitive personal circumstances that make involving law enforcement potentially complicated, and I don't want an attempt to help her to inadvertently make her situation worse.

I don't know her exact address or anyone nearby who could check on her.

I'm struggling to distinguish between legitimate concern for her safety and the possibility that she has simply chosen to stop communicating with me. I don't want to violate her boundaries, but I also don't want to ignore warning signs if she genuinely needs help.

What would you do? Would you pursue a welfare check, wait for the domestic violence organization to respond, or accept that she may have intentionally cut contact?

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TL;DR: A woman I was previously romantically involved with recently reconnected with me while trying to leave an abusive relationship. We rekindled our intimate connection, but she stopped responding several weeks ago. She previously disclosed physical aggression, controlling behavior, and fear for her safety. I've contacted a domestic violence organization but am hesitant to involve police because of sensitive personal circumstances. I don't know whether she's intentionally avoiding contact or potentially in danger. What should I do?

He does no childcare absolutely 0 and he’s been collecting evidence for divorce court for a while, he asks me to lock our toddler in his room and stay in there with her so she’s out of his hair when he’s eating his dinner showering etc basically he’s in living room kitchen and we’re in the small tiny room size of a closet most of the time then he goes and bring all the toys she play with in the living room and dumps it all in the small room to the point we can’t even walk in that room and while doing that he has his phone in his hand recording me because I got mad and screamed! Then this time I grabbed his phone and told him to stop recording me. This was one example but he does it like all the time constantly recording I’m tired. He’s trying to go to the court and tell them I’m abusive and take my child away from me. What can I do???? What can he potentially do with these type of video in court?
PA I always get upset and raise my voice over the stuff he does because they’re so unfair and he does it intentionally:( never physical ever just screaming and tonight I grabbed his phone and I’m now 100 sure he records me

In my last relationship, I've realized something I needed to learn for a long time. I come off strong, too quickly. I need to learn to stop mistaking lust/limerance for love. Never again. I'll take it slow.

But I've been gaslighting myself a lot this week and acting like if I hadn't done that the abuse would have never came. And that her actions were from her becoming overwhelmed by my intense love. But, I feel as though I just love unconditionally. And these monsters love conditionally.

Just because I would constantly try to praise, do kind gestures, give gifts, make her feel special, even if it was overwhelming... It didn't justify her belittling me constantly.

Telling me I couldn't do anything right and to "do better" all the time.

Giving me the silent treatment.

Calling my affection "cringe" near the end.

Saying everything I do is annoying.

Pressuring me to say I love you when I said I wanted to wait for that.

Never being reciprocal about halfway through.

Lying to me about keeping a connection with her ex and only finding out after she rubbed it in my face after the break up.

Telling me I couldn't hang out with certain female friends (projection much?)

Making jokes about my appearance.

Constantly trying to "rage bait" me as she put it.

Telling me I needed to "man up" if I didn't fight back during her "rage baiting."

Hot and cold energy for days at a time.

Kicking me out of her house out of no where then saying I was punishing her when she asked me to come back and I told her to give me another day.

Throwing everything back on me if I calmly brought up my grievances to set a boundary to be nicer to me (DARVO)

Calling me insecure in front of her friends after I started walking on eggshells from her behavior.

And more.

But yes, I still gaslight myself and blame myself all the time. It sucks. But I'm glad I speed ran this relationship and it was only 8 months and not 8 years. But man did it still have some lasting damage to how I look at myself. I was so happy and content with myself before I met her. Now I don't even want to try dating again because I'm afraid someone will be so mean again.

It's okay if you decide you don't like me anymore. That's fine. But why be so cruel? Why not just leave and be polite about it?

So yes, I'll take my time next time, but at the end of the day, here's what mattered, abuser:

I tried my best (even if it was a bit quick/immature to do so) to make you feel loved, beautiful, special, proud of yourself... But you, you tried your best to hurt me, to break me down, to insult me, to treat me terribly. And you suck for that. You shoulda just let me go. No need to break me in the process.

Jerk.

Hello, First time poster. (F) I’ll try to keep this condensed as possible for my own peace of mind.

My emotionally abusive ex took his life last week. We had been no contact for eight years, but this still impacted my life.

I’ve been in therapy for a while. I wasn’t ready to reopen the wounds he left in me. In fact, when I wrote in another subreddit I was STILL defending him. It wasn’t until after his funeral that I finally admitted that he abused me. I feel ashamed even saying that because my own brain makes me feel guilty because he didn’t hit or verbally abuse me.

I won’t make a too detailed list but I was neglected, indirectly belittled, picked on, made to feel terrible about myself, never had support in bad moments, had him ignore me during important moments, and never felt good enough to be with him. He was so emotionally unavailable but would love-bomb me if I slipped too far away. It messed with my head. He would have very scary outbursts. If he got angry he was scary and threw things. Once he put his head in the wall and left a huge dent. Or he would ignore me. On top Of that, I used to make the excuse he was probably autistic and just not emotional.

I know that isn’t true. I’m working through it with my therapist now. This isn’t my fault.

We had the same friend group. I adored his parents and siblings. His best friend was one of my close friends. They called me to tell me. I was numb.

My first emotional conflict was crying for this man who hurt me. How could I cry for someone who put me in such a bad place? I cried for the friend I missed and the healing I wanted him to have.

Then feeling resentful. I have had to fight with my own issues with SI (some of which he was there for and didn’t even care.) the resentment of having to be strong and help myself, when he just gets to do this?

After, I felt so guilty. Despite what he did to me, he’s very missed. His parents and friends didn’t deserve this. I know his mom is devastated (I reached out to her.) I feel like a selfish jerk that this person is gone, people are mourning, and I’m only thinking about my own pain.

Now I’m just angry. This is the first time I’m coming to terms with having been abused. I’m embarrassed and blaming myself. I feel like it’s my own fault for staying for five years. I also feel guilty that it could have been worse (I know that’s just trauma.)

I think I’m also reconciling that I never got to tell him to his face that he’s awful for what he did to me.

My question is: has anyone been through similar? Have you had to navigate this? Is it normal to be this conflicted?

Im scared he'll take the kids if I wind up homeless with them.

My name is on the house, and so is his unfortunately.

My mother and i paid for that house.

Its not right he and his mother get to just bully me out of it.

I left for a month, and it's been the hardest month of my life. Im so tired.

What if I get him to hit me and actually report it this time?

I don't want to get cps involved, they'll take the kids but I guess they're safer with some random foster family at this point.

We're so far out in the desert, im scared I'll get buried out there and he and his mom will tell everyone I ran away again- without the kids this time. They'll never find my body.

He already tells me im lazy and do nothing for our kids. Controls my car. Oh, things escalated when i took my car back. Won't leave my house. Won't let me get a job. I cant leave the kids alone with him.

He and his mom have stolen my mail and other important things.

Im scared to send my son to school because he and/or his mom might "pick him up from school" and never return him.

I just don't know what to do. I keep praying to God that he'll just drop dead of natural causes, but the truth is I was close to having a stress related heart attack in that house.

Even my 4 year old noticed. He tells me "mama you're so happy now." My 18 month old hasn't said "dada" once since we've been gone. Not once.

The best I can think to do is lock myself and our kids in my room whenever he's home and get a boyfriend who works for the police department, since I already re-homed the dog. Im also gonna tell anyone and everyone in that town who will listen what he and his mother are doing to me.

What else can I do? Legally or illegally? Im open to hearing your suggestions.

*fyi im in psych care, therapist + psychiatrist who are well acquainted with me for years, am in treatment

VERY long/convoluted history with baby daddy of my 9mo. We were close friends/fwb since middle school for 13 years now, currently both 26. To my shock and sadness, I learned when we moved in and had our son he was a drastically different person than I thought for 13+ years, honestly still can't fathom or process it. but I have to face the fact he's an imminent safety threat to us both (my baby and I). The cruelty and coldness and violent behavior is giving me nightmares, unrelenting panic, and will probably haunt me for a very long time. Im just so f*'n scared. Im so devestated and so so scared.

I live in WA state. We weren't married, so abuser BD signed "acknowledge of parentage" form when baby was born, he's on our son's birth certificate as the father. My son has his last name. After the horrific things that happened these past months, we're now seperated. I truly don't think it's likely, but my major fear is at some point due to family pressure and ego that BD might bring me to custody court in the coming years.

Other than my own journal-type documentation and a few camera roll photos and witness testimony, I don't think i could "prove" his abuse in court if it came to it.

So here's my question.

If we don't have any formal agreement currently, not a ton of contact but baby is with me...

What would happen if I found a way to just leave the area with no notice and 'disappear' to a different state/location if I could?

Would BD have a way to track us down if he so chose eventually to try being re-involved? Like, if I just went far away in our current both parents have a legal right state, but he's gone and I disappeared with our son without warning, could I just do that...?

Being in a relationship without trust, commitment, or peace is exhausting, especially when your partner keeps cheating, lying, and making you question your own instincts.Sometimes, you stay calm, observe the red flags, and wait for clarity. Then the evidence comes, the pieces fall into place, and you finally find the strength to choose yourself.You realize you don't need more explanations, excuses, or apologies. The truth becomes your closure, and walking away becomes your peace.

❤️ If you're navigating an abusive or unhealthy relationship and need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen without judgment. Whether you need clarity, emotional support, or help figuring out your next steps, feel free to reach out. You don't have to go through it alone. 🫂

I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 32. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 33. We met while I was a student, at a time when I was still unsure whether I wanted to go to med school. My uncle knew him because he was a surgeon at a fairly known hospital. I had been working at that hospital once a week for a little over a year (between the ages of 18 and 19) as a student. He was the main doctor I reported to, and I guess you could say I had a crush on him, although it was probably more admiration than anything else. I idolized him because he basically represented everything I wanted to become.

Long story short, he ended up writing me a letter of recommendation for med school while I was still working at the hospital (I was rejected but got in the following year).

Keep in mind that throughout my entire time there, he had a girlfriend who was his age. They even moved in together and bought a house while I was working there. At some point, he started flirting with me, but I genuinely thought I must have been imagining it. There was no way this man, whom I practically saw as a god, could actually be flirting with a 19 year old, starry-eyed girl.

We ended up dating, and I had to leave my job at the hospital. I started med school the following year, when I was 20 and he was 34. We got married when I was 21 and he was 35.

My entire family was strongly against the relationship in the beginning. I was 19 and obviously still living at home, but I ended up moving out because I wanted so badly to be with him, and I couldn’t stand constantly fighting with my family over it. Once we got married, my family eventually calmed down and more or less accepted the relationship.

I made him my entire world. I told him things I had never told anyone before, including details about the abuse I experienced during my childhood and some genuinely horrible things I had lived through growing up. I had a really rough upbringing and I trusted him with parts of myself I had never shared with anyone else.

Less than a year into our marriage, I lost a family member to suicide, and it affected me really badly. I was also in med school at the time, which made everything even harder.

I started taking Adderall and other substances to help me focus and avoid falling behind and sleeping pills to calm myself down. It often caused really bad anxiety, agitation, and other issues which I regret. This went on for about four months before I finally stopped.

When he found out, because I told him myself, he was furious. He told me I had broken his trust, that he had put me on a pedestal, and that he could get into serious trouble as a prestigious doctor if anyone found out his wife was some kind of “druggie.”

I also want to mention that during those four months, I was severely sexually assaulted during a night out. Someone had slipped something into my drink, and I couldn’t remember everything that happened. I came home bleeding. It was really, really bad. As you can imagine this also made me depressed at times and I wasn’t always the best version of myself.

Anyway, you can probably imagine how much trauma I was dealing with at the time.

For the two years following those events, he repeatedly told me that I had broken something inside him, that I had ruined our relationship, and that he had put me on a pedestal and been prepared to give me everything, but that my actions had permanently changed how he saw me and our relationship.

I also started noticing some really disturbing behaviours. He openly admitted that he didn’t know what it felt like to experience empathy. He once commented that he could watch an animal being tortured and feel absolutely nothing, although he would consider it stupid because it wasn’t a “productive activity.” On another occasion he even made a comment about understanding why some men stab their partners to death.

Eventually he left me. The way I found out was that I came home one day and discovered that the house had been cleared out. It turns out he had been slowly moving his belongings out for the previous ten months. Whenever I noticed something was missing, he would convince me that I was imagining things or that I was insane.

We were together for five years, and I was his longest relationship.

I later found out that he had also been telling people in his professional circle that we were getting divorced during those last ten months, despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea. He had clearly been planning his exit for a long time because he’s genuinely obsessed with his reputation, and I suspect he figured that by slowly spreading the news over several months, the divorce wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone once he actually went through with it.

I know this sounds so fucked up when I say it, but I still wonder whether I somehow did this to myself. He had eight other serious relationships before me and had lived with three other women, but I was the only one he ever married. After hearing stories about his previous relationships, I found out that he had also left some of his exes in similar ways.

He had convinced me that he had never experienced real love before meeting me, that I was the first person he had ever truly loved, and that he had chosen to trust me blindly.
According to him, I had basically shot myself in the foot. He had put me on this pedestal, been ready to give me everything, and I had ruined it all.

Am I a bad person? Did I really ruin everything the way he said I did?

He also spent months telling me that I was lucky he wasn’t a bad guy because my abandonment issues were so severe that an abusive person could easily take advantage of me. He even told me that I was the kind of girl pimps would prey on. And there’s genuinely so much more that happened throughout those five years. I feel like I could spend years writing about everything so this is really just a very brief summary.

I dated a man briefly. He was controlling and possessive and petty and vengeful and always had to be right. I thought this was just how he was and didn’t understand it as abusive until he hit me. Now I fear that traditionally “masculine” qualities that I am naturally attracted to may be qualities that many abusive men have.

When you look back at the earlier stages of your relationships, what were the signs? Were there any?

i’m 22, my partner is 27. we have been together since i was 16 almost 17, and he was 21. he has always been psychologically manipulative but it has never been this bad. i had to check myself into the psych hospital because of how close i was to committing suicide.

anyways, i’ve never experienced as much pain as i did yesterday. my body was convulsing, i couldn’t stop crying, i couldn’t breathe, my body was numb, etc. i just cried and cried about wanting to talk to him. i was given some sort of sedative to calm me down and slept for 14 hours.

i’m still trying to keep myself calm so i can handle myself and not completely break down again. i don’t even really know why im typing this. i just needed to let out something.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/1wqli6z/found_out_my_45f_ex_husband_44m_has_convinced/

I hope this is the correct way to post an update. I couldn't find anything about that in the rules. I wanted to update after my therapy appointment happened. I actually sent my therapist the post, and she read it herself. She said she was very grateful I got such helpful responses to my post, and was glad those who shared their stories and commented helped me so much.

I am grateful as well. I don't know if I would have been in as good a place mentally by the time my appointment rolled around if I hadn't made the post, and gotten so many wonderful comments and messages. My therapist and I are going to focus on this abusive relationship in my upcoming appointments. Until the friend reached out I don't think I even realized just how traumatized I had been by what my ex husband (lets call him T) did to me.

My therapy sessions were mostly about the abuse I endured as a child, and teenager. We hadn't really started on my adult abuse experiences. So now we are going to focus on those more. Thank you all for helping me feel validated, and seen. It means the world to me. Keep doing what you're doing.

As for the friend who started me on this experience well I cut ties with her. We hadn't talked to many years so it was an easy choice. I don't wish her any ill will, and told her as much. I made sure to let her know that I understood why she thought I needed to know the information she shared with me, and that while I didn't hate her for it I couldn't trust that she would respect my wishes in the future since she couldn't respect them this time.

After I confirmed she had seen the message I blocked her. I hope she is doing well, and not being too hard on herself. She really didn't mean anything bad from it. Thank you all again. I hope you are all doing well.

I am 21 (f) he is 21 (m) we have been together since 15/14, grown a business together lived together since 18. I unfortunately have not trusted myself to drive untill now 21 so he’s been driving me everywhere, we work and live together we have no separate time. We work from home 24/7, he cooks because he will hover over me when I am cooking and tell me everything I do is wrong so I just let him cook, he drives, he says he does everything he can in his power to keep me comfortable. I feel like he is holding it against me because he SCREAMS that he does everything for me and he says he wants to do it and he is completely happy doing it but I don’t believe him. Lately I’ve been feeling very alone and like I can’t talk to him about anything anymore, he buys items online to sell at event so he’s always on his phone and I work online too so I get it but he just always on him phone he never puts it down. I tried to climb on top of him and he throw me off to look at his phone, I know a phone addiction is real and I tell him to get off he’s phone he’s not present and he just says I’m also always on my phone. Every problem I have he deflects and says I haven’t changed ( me getting my license ) but I haven’t because I’m scared of my self. But whenever I tell him he is wrong it’s like it can’t be true and I’m more wrong. Anyway I just feel so
alone in this relationship and I wish I wasn’t but I’m so unhappy, I’m scared to leave because he is very entangled into my business and I feel like I would loss my passion for the business with out him. So it’s like I would lose my partner and my business. I just want to be happy and have a partner that presents in the relationship.

Finally, I got rid of my boyfriend who abused me hard. He literally brainwashed me. I am still trying to heal. This is what I was exposed to:

1. He defends women must clean and cook but men doesn't have to.
2. He likes white women, (he is white) I have tanned skin. He asked me to change my skin color by using whitening creams. I told him: no, you knew I have tanned skin from the benginning and you was the one who wanted to be my boyfriend.
3. When I told him I cannot change my skin color, he told me people should do everything for a relationship.
4. One time, when he was coughing, I was worried and asked him if he is ok because it was like he was suffocating. He yelled at me after he cough. I told him I was worried and I care about him. He said curse words for me.
5. I got rings for us, not a wedding ring, it was just the symbol of our relationship, but he did not wear the ring and gave it back to me. At that evening, he cheated on me with a girl who also has tanned skin. I saw he texted her to meet on instagram and gave her his number.
6. He was disgusted by my non-makeup look. I always wore makeup when I am with him. One time I did not wear makeup and he got mad at me, he said I look like a dirty construction worker.
7. When he cheated on me, he gaslighted me. He told me he did not talk flirty with them, they were juat friends. At first I believed in him. However, it repeated and I texted the girl he talked. She sent me messages that he asked her to be his lover and flirty talks. He told me those talks are all fake.
8. He is too fat but he wants a thin woman. My height is 5'8 and my weight is 154 pounds but he called me fat even though he was 310 pounds.
9. He wants a virgin woman to get married but he was not a virgin + he was very sexually active + he was divorced
10. He doesn't like hairy woman. When we met, there was two or three hair on my hand and he said he was disgusted.
11. When I said I needed to sleep, he did not let me go and forced me to talk with him.
12. He told me he was an engineer but actually he was just a high school graduate.
13. He always expected compliments. When I compliment less in a day, he used to tell me I am not romantic.
14. He was addicted to computer games. He had no social life.
15. He believed in a nonsense idea of hierarcy, he told me he is unique and superior than most of the people, including me. (btw he is just a high school graduate while I have bachelors degree, I know two foreign languages, I know sign language, I am an artist, I am a teacher, I can cook well, I am loyal, I am clean, I write poems, I have many certificates etc.
16. He told no woman can be superior than him. He said women is not intelligent as men.
17. He told me if a woman is not beautiful, she is not worth to love.
18. He hates fat women and always made fun of them. I told him being fat may not be people's fault and being fat is not a bad thing, he hated my thoughts.
19. When he doesn't like my ideas, he told me I am nothing but dumb.
20. When he made me cry, he told me I am too emotional and idiot.
21. He was racist to me. He cursed my race wven though I am mixed.
22. He told me I am naive and people would trick me, he told me he would never do that to me.
23. When I tried to break up, he got obsessed with me in a toxic way and threatened me. He told me "I'd kill you" or "I will send your +18 photos to your relatives". (he even bought a fake number so that he can send my private medias to my parents and my relatives) He has many guns and I was so scared that I had to stay with him and pretended to love him for a long time.
24. At the end of the story, I escaped and my parents protected me (hopefully)

Now I am safe and free but I still try to heal and gain my self-confidence again. I have a lot of trauma. Now he has a new girlfriend but he still tries to contact with me. I never talked him again. Blocked him and changed my number.

I was in a mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years. Toward the end of the relationship, I started recording my now ex-husband when he would verbally attack me.

Our relationship finally ended when things turned physical. He strangled me while yelling, “I’ll kill you, bitch.” I called 911, he was arrested, and I spent the entire day in the ER. There’s currently a restraining order in place, and he’s already been charged.

My point is that I have tons of old recordings and videos documenting the abuse, and I’d like to delete them from my phone and finally move on. However, it doesn’t sit right with me that all of this would essentially be erased, and nobody would ever see what he put me through.

I’m considering creating a Reddit account to share these recordings and videos publicly. I would leave out his name and face, but I’m wondering what legal consequences I could potentially face if I posted them and he somehow found out.

Could I get into legal trouble for posting these recordings and videos, even if I kept his identity anonymous?

My sister (24 F) has been in an emotionally abusive relationship for over a year now. She was already quiet and timid before she started dating this guy. But I have watched him turn her into a shell of the person she once was. The only time she left him was when he threatened to call the police and tell them that she “raped” him during consensual sex they had. She panicked so bad that my parents sent her to stay with my grandmother for a week. And of course, he was full of shit, begged for her to come back, and she went right back to him.

I’m so tired of giving her advice just for her to not listen to any of it. I want to be there for her, but I can’t just listen to this and say “ok nice talk.”

She is a bridesmaid in my wedding next year and I finally told her that she can’t bring her boyfriend. She didn’t take it well. Now I have to face the thought that my sister won’t be there to see me walk down the aisle.

I feel hopeless. I know this isn’t her fault and she is absolutely a victim. But does it ever get better? Will she ever break free of this? I’ve given her all of the resources in the world and nothing helps.

Hi, be prepared for a big train of thought and text/mixed up writing as i am currently just calming down from a panic attack. I ‘25F’have been dating my partner ‘28M’ for 5 years. over the past few months it has been rough as he is going through a financial issues, like a lot of financial issues. he still lives with his mom, which is completely okay, and he and his family pay for rent together. For context, my background is upper middle

class, and i have never, ever once put that on him, or said that i expected “extravagant things” from him. i get we come from completely different financial backgrounds.

Last winter I was dealing with some pretty bad depression, and was not out of the house as often as I should have been. he felt neglected that way, and still came to see me after his work and after my lectures (i am currently getting my masters). I can see that this put a strain on the relationship, and i take full responsibility for that. this past summer, he gave me a script to help out with getting sales for his lawn maintenance business. I tried multiple times, but no bites, which i felt badly about as i really wanted to help out. (all of this is necessary for background context.

We have been having pretty bad fights, for the past few months, with him calling me lazy, a cunt, and that i’ve had everything handed to me and that i would never get how it is hard for him. the thing is, i do get how it is hard, he is in debt, like a lot of debt. He said i wasn’t helping him win, as I didn’t get sales, and that it was so easy to get sales.

Flash forward to today, i took an uber/bus to see him after my placement. he got back home from work super late, so i just did some of his laundry from his room (it’s really messy, but i don’t mind helping out even if it’s a little bit). When he got home, i knew that he immediately had to go somewhere else that was about an hour away, and that i wanted to go with him as well, but the thing is , tomorow is a family members graduation, and i needed to be up early. so i said i may need to uber home, and jokingly said maybe he cld drive me home and we can take a shower together before he headed out. (this was the wrong thing to say). after about five minutes, he got up and said “why am i even waiting for you to get the uber? just call it already!” so i did call it. then, while i was outside waiting, he implied that i should have come with him, and that he always would do small sacrifices like staying up late for me (he has, to be frank, in the past, which i always told him i was greatful for). i offered to cancel the uber, and he said no don’t wait your money. i then got home, and we called, and it was an hour of him yelling at me over the phone, saying how he needs someone to help him win, and i can’t do that. and he broke down crying saying how he is so stressed, and i said i understand, and he said that he can’t be in a relationship right now. he also was calling me a bunch of rude names that i really don’t want to repeat. i cried obviously, but the thing is, in the past he had done this but then we would get back together after. i don’t know, i feel like i am going insane. i really love this person. i don’t know if this is necessary to say, but i am neurodivergent as well.

I (30F) have been with my bf (32M) for 5 year. He was the sweetest partner ever for the first year of our relationship, but it’s gone downhill ever since. One of the biggest turning points was after he met my abusive family. My mom is probably a narcissist (no formal diagnosis but fits the description perfectly), and she clashed hard with my boyfriend. I already had 1 foot out the door with my parents but their fighting lead me to cut ties with them. My parents wanted me to break up with him, he wanted me to cut them off. I cut them off.

I’ve had therapists over the years tell me I am being abused by my boyfriend, emotionally and not directly physically but physically (cornering me, punching holes in walls, throwing things etc) but lately my boyfriend has been telling me I am the abusive one.

He points out ways that I’m behaving like my abusive mom, ways that I’m just like her, ways that I am manipulating him (for example: ordering food for the both - he’s unemployed - as a form of love bombing to make him feel indebted to me and taking advantage of his dependence on me financially) I always felt I was doing something kind, but lately I’ve been questioning my own behavior if it’s something toxic I subconsciously picked up from watching my mom manipulate circumstances to get her way. He often says I am playing the victim, like my mother, to make him seem like a monster and deflect accountability for how my actions caused him to react the way he does.

I am very confused and just wondering how someone can tell if they are the abuser or not. I’ve spent so many years of my life trying to be nothing like my mom, but I also know she always made me feel like the problem so I’m just confused.

I found out my ex is in a new relationship with a girl he used to work with about 2 weeks ago. We dated for 4 years and he broke up with me abruptly over text about 5 months ago, we haven’t spoken since I dropped off all his things and blocked him on all platforms. Of course, I have kept him blocked, so I am only finding out about the relationship now…they have been dating for about 4 months (meaning yes, he was seeing her a few weeks after we ended).

He is one of the scariest people I have met, he is extremely controlling and manipulative. His ex warned me about him 3 years ago and I didn’t listen when I wish I had. Genuinely, he nearly destroyed me. I was constantly anxious, I was isolated from my friends, my self worth had never been lower and I’m still trying to undo all the damage I have taken over the years.

I feel a need to warn her woman to woman, but I want absolutely nothing to do with him. And my fear is that he will find a way to contact me. I’m in two minds over this, part of me wants to keep my peace, stay FAR away from anything to do with him and mind my business, but the other part of me is screaming to help her- I wish someone had done that for me.

Thoughts?

My partner has a high libido, ADHD, impulse control and emotional regulation issues.

We have nearly everyday, on average 40 minutes. Sometimes even twice a day. The more sex we have, the more stimulation he desires and the harder it gets for him to finish.

It's caused a lot of issues. I have tried setting boundaries as I prefer to have sex 3 times a week but I have struggled a lot with it due to him constantly initiating sex or getting sexual anytime we show affection, and despite saying I am not in the mood.

I also cave in because he gets moody and withdraws emotionally/physically around 2 days of no sex.

He also crossed my boundaries a lot, ignoring me when I only agree to do certain acts. If I say no, he also tries to negotiate what he can do. He also knows I have a fawn response and dissociate, especially after I have already expressed my boundaries.

It also doesn’t matter what time we go to bed, if we have had an exhausting day or if we had sex earlier... he always wants to get it off. He is even happy to have me laying there doing nothing or waiting outside the bedroom or have me sleep on my own in another room just so he can jerk off if I dont give him sex.

Everytime I have been on my period or near it, he starts complaining about how he won't get sex. Then, he obviously withdraws emotionally and physically, under the guise of "he has had a hard day and needs space"

We go to bed and he doesn’t want to cuddle or show affection because he is "tired and wants space" but this happens EVERYTIME i am on my period or if he knows he won't be getting anything.

Then I try confronting him, asking him why it's okay for him to push sex on me when I don't feel like it or have sex with me when I am tired or in pain before bed, yet I have to respect his space?

He just ignores me, I start spiraling and then he starts saying how I don't respect him and that I am manipulating him.

I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like the dynamic is really unfair and emotionally distressing. Also physically distressing too because I feel used for sex and tossed to the side when he can't get it. He only praises me and showers me with affection when he wants sex or when I have given him an amazing time....

He is going through a hard time. He is depressed, hates his work, hates his life and hates our home... he may even hate me.

I just don't get it.

I don't think its fair to give someone the cold shoulder, not communicate properly you need space yet expect sex from them everyday and show conditional love and affection