Recently, my angel of a girlfriend of two years has been kicked out of her friend group because of various reasons that I won't go into - but in my opinion it was completely unfair and she has been treated terribly by people she thought would be her life long friends, some of which were close enough to be called her best friends. I have been there at her beck and call emotionally (or at least tried to be) during this time and while I haven't been able to meet her as much due to ongoing financial constraints and interviewing for a very reputable company that would allow me to solve the financial constraints. Luckily, I cracked the interview earlier this week and have secured employment at the company. I have also made time to meet my girlfriend in between all of this and I am spending the majority of the next couple weeks with her as festive season in my country is around the corner. That being said, I feel kind of alone in this relationship right now because all we talk is her friends and their Instagram stories and posts and how they are meeting without her and how they don't care about her. I have given tones of advice and support but I am honestly kind of tired and exhausted of talking about this every night and irritated because of the lack of emotional intimacy. When I brought up that we should try not talking about this stuff and talk normally for some time it didn't really go well which could definitely be a me issue as I kind of brought it up in an annoyed way. My question is : what should I do? How do I support her? How do I stop getting irritated about this?

TL;DR Girlfriend lost her friends a month ago - I have started to get exhausted talking about it - what to do?

I (M31) and my wife (F32) have been married for 3 years and we dated for about 7 years before getting married. We had an LDR for those 7 years and after getting married I moved to the country where she lives. I love her with all my heart and everyday is like an adventure with her.

But since the past year or so, I’ve started gravitating towards someone else (F26). She is my wife’s close friend of over 15 years. She’s already seeing someone and they might get married next year. And this is why I feel even worse about this. When I moved here, initially it was nothing. I felt nothing about her. She was just a friend. But for the last year, my feelings have changed for her quite a bit.

And I’m not sure if she feels the same way or what. Because every time we meet, I feel this tension. We hug when she comes over and when she leaves. With my wife, her hugs are normal. But me and her, instead of 3 seconds, they’re long. Like 8-10 seconds. We both don’t really let go. We’ve exchanged glances a few times where it felt different. I tried to ignore it telling myself that it’s just in my head. But recently she came over and there was a point where I looked at her and she at me, and we both just kept looking into each other’s eyes for longer than normal. And that messed me up!

Until that moment I always convinced myself that it’s just in my head. But that day it happened a couple of times. That day her father was also there because my wife’s and her families are close. He saw my guitar and asked me to play something. I was strumming and noticed she was talking a photo or a video of me and her father. And I think the way I look at her, unintentionally, it seems different. Our group took a trip together a few months back, and my wife actually told me “Is there something you want to tell me? You look at her differently” It was that obvious and I didn’t realise it!

I really don’t know if all this is natural or if I’m just a big a-hole. Every time I feel this way, I brush it off and spend days convincing myself that this isn’t right. And then I meet her again and it all comes back. I can’t stop seeing her because it’s a group of close friends.

TLDR: I think I’m falling for my wife’s close friend, but I’m also afraid of those feelings. I really love my wife and wouldn’t wanna hurt her.

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Tl;dr: Girlfriend wants to keep being friends with her ex who has done some pretty messed up stuff towards her, others and us. I am starting to see her in a negative light because of her seemingly condoning his actions.

I knew my girlfriend for years before we got together. She came out of a relationship involving a short stint of marriage that all together lasted 12 years. Her ex is part of some of the same circles as me (and her) but I never really associated with him for the last many years for reasons that will be clear shortly.

We have been together for over a year by now. She still has a lot of contact with her ex. I get that some is unavoidable as they have a house together (she does not live there) that they are trying to sell and they have pets and a shared car that I do not understand why she is still a part of. I guess I just hoped that contact would be kept to a bare minimum and she had told me on more than one occasion that she did not see a friendship with him in her future. Now yesterday she tells me that she is and will keep being friends with him. So, why do I dislike this so much?

1. There are several reasons. I knew his ex before my girlfriend and she described how he had forced himself upon her and had sex with her against her will. Is she the most reliable source? I don't know, and he says that he has met up with her recently and she has denied having told me these things. My gut feeling trusts what she told me all those years ago and I always have since then although for a while I chose to set it aside as apparently it is something negative that I don't want to sweep something like this under the rug. She told me this 10+ years ago.

2. My girlfriend told me of at least one episode when she was with him that I dislike - for example where she got sick from drinking too much. Apparently this was embarrassing to him (this was maybe 10 years ago) so he decided to reprimand her by recording her being sick on the floor instead of helping her and to use this video material to shame her the next day so that she would act like he wants. I believe this to be incredibly abusive.

3. Last but not least he kissed her against her will several months into our relationship. She keeps telling me I am putting too much emphasis on this and that it isn't such a big deal. I keep being flabbergasted that she hasn't done a thing about it and honestly I slowly start to question how much it was against her will as how she described the situation she also sent mixed signals, but mostly because it has had zero consequences for him.

I cannot, for the love of god, understand why she feels the need to drag out separating herself from him and why she wants to keep being friendly with him. I don't necessarily ask of her to burn all bridges, but just want her to not want to have anything more to do with him than she absolutely needs to. I am also very disappointed that she kept me believing that she was more on the same page as me. There are several other smaller things he has done towards me or the relationship like calling her friends and her family and calling me controlling and abusive, and accusing me of manipulating and isolating her. I have done none of those things. So far I have made her aware that I do not appreciate the things that he has done and I personally do not want anything to do with him.

Me (f50's) He (m 50's) together over 30years, with kids, all adults now he left as he was "unhappy" I got very little explanation, but he made it clear it was not about any other woman, he needed to work on self. after 6 months of him shutting down and not talking about feelings and emotions and what went wrong on his side, as I was absolutely blindsided that he left I was just told he was tired or busy with work (months before he left, he wouldnt even talk any feelings), a few days ago, I get 5 paragraphs of things that hes been feeling, and yeah they were harsh, as hes not seeing the whole picture, only what wasnt there, not the many many more times it was there that hes failing to forget.

I dont really want to post the messages here, if he sees them and I am sharing to reddit, it wont go down well. as it is, I will probably delete this later have probably already said too many identifiying things as it is.

basically I asked can we meet in person to talk about them and hes agreed

so its going to go two ways.. he wants closure, or he wants to work on repair.

we havent been in no contact the whole time, and we have been sleeping with each other maybe once a month since he left. and i have stayed overnight with him and when there, we talk about random stuff, not emotions or where we are heading, he shuts down.

TLDR: could this be a sign he wants to work on fixing? Hes agreed to talk in person about messages he sent a couple days ago

I (27F) am in a 2 yr relationship ship with a 27M and we both work in the camera dept in film. Last week, he came home from a work hangout at a bar telling me that a guy from work got into a bar fight. At this point at the bar, only three coworkers were still hanging at the bar and one of them was a female around our age. When the bar fight happened, she asked my BF to walk her to her car and as he walked her to her car he held her arm around his.

I told my BF that I did not like that he wrapped his arm around hers, and instead of respecting my boundaries, he got mad at me for not being appreciative of how kind he was to his female coworker and helping her to her car.

Anyways, they all got together at a new bar tonight and my BF invited me to join. Partway into the night, while I'm stuck listening to his coworkers' stories outside, I notice him talking to that same girl at the bar. I keep an eye on them and realize it's been about 15-20 minutes of them talking by themselves.

I left the bar and went home alone because of how upset that that made me and now he's calling me on the phone upset that i don't trust him and that he was simply "stuck" in a conversation with her.
Anyways what do you guys think? I feel very confused at the moment because I clearly saw him chatting with his coworker (who's wearing a lingerie top, mind you) not once but multiple times and he did not once try to escape this conversation that he claims to be "stuck" in.

However he makes me out to be dramatic and loves to tell me how sick of me he is.

TLDR: BF tells me about his flirty coworker but acts like i'm crazy when im upset that he's talking to her most of the night rather than me

tldr after an amazing almost 3 year long relationship my bf decided to tell me while being drunk he sometimes feels like he met me too early but cannot imagine his life without me and said he never wants to end up with anyone else but me

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and i couldn’t imagine a future that doesn’t include him. he’s my best friend and we have a healthy relationship built on communication and respect. it’s the type of love that is rare to find in this generation which is why im thankful we met early so we have more time to love and experience life together.

tonight kind of ripped me apart and now im trying to not freak out.

he went to his cousin’s wedding party this evening and called me after he got home saying he was drunk and wanted me to come over. i had school the next morning but i said i can for a bit and drove over to his house where i expected nothing out of the ordinary. he called me on the way there to talk and told me that some girls were hitting on him at the wedding and i said “okay” because i wasn’t sure if he was trying to get a reaction from me. he told me one was asking him a bunch of questions about himself and he said he had a gf and walked away. men hit on me all the time and i react the same so i didn’t see anything wrong with his reaction. i found it strange he was telling me this while driving to his house but i let it go.

i reached his house and we were cuddling on his bed and he looked worried so i asked him if he’s okay and told him i wasn’t mad at him about what he told me. he told me that he needs to tell me something but wants to do it when he’s not drunk but i convinced him to tell me because i’ll just be overthinking then he told me after saying he “loves me so much, wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with me and wants me to be the only woman he ends up with” that there’s a small part of him that is unsure about settling down. he said he sometimes feels like he meet me too early and i’m assuming it’s to do with not having enough experiences with other women before getting into a relationship with me. even though he has had a bunch of flings/talking stages in the past but i was the first girl he actually pursued with intentions of being in a relationship. he also told me he has been feeling like this for months which was another slap in the face and it’s so confusing because he told me i’m his dream girl, i meet all of his needs and he would “never date another girl seriously” if me and him didn’t work out. part of me wants to think he’s just saying this bc he is lying to himself, but he has treated me like a queen for our whole relationship which makes this more shocking since his actions have never made me overthink. im not sure what to think and in about 4 days we are going to a bruno mars concert which we got tickets for in january and he invited me to his cousin’s reception party the same weekend. he was crying and holding me while telling me this but i couldn’t even look at him. he told me he would rather be transparent with his thoughts than risk losing me. i told him i needed to go home and i had to lock in and finish and assignment before i could even process what the fuck just happened. how do i go about this situation?

I (26F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for just over a year now. He recently moved over an hour away back to his parents to wait until my lease is over for us to move in together when mine is up in about 6 months. We’ve been seeing each other once or twice a week where as before we lived much closer and saw each other a lot more.

The past couple of months we’ve barely spent time together and I feel like our conversations aren’t as meaningful anymore. I struggle with anxiety and have been cheated on before, so sometimes my mind goes to the worst and I start to think that he’s cheating on me. I have no proof of this, and I’ve been struggling with it the entirety of our relationship.

My issue is that I’ve been picking fights the past couple of months. I tell him I miss him and that we barely see each other but I for some reason place the blame entirely on him. He asked if he could see me today, but I already had plans with my family, so I’m kind of the reason we couldn’t see each other. He got frustrated with me for starting another fight about the same topic which annoyed me and I got extremely defensive. Our work schedules do not line up a lot of the time, and when I have to work on the weekends I always get upset with him for doing stuff. It makes me feel so bad when I take this out on him afterwards.

I am not sure if I’m subconsciously trying to push him away. The thought of moving in together is making me extremely anxious and I have some doubts, not even about him specifically but more so the thought of living with a boyfriend. I am already in therapy and I feel as if a lot of this is anxiety related, because after we spend time together I get so much more excited about moving in together.

Why do I keep picking these fights? I don’t know if I’m just scared about moving in together or if this is an actual issue of us not seeing each other. It’s unfortunate because there’s really not much we can do about our schedules and the distance. I am so scared of driving him away because he’s been getting so frustrated with me when I blame him for not seeing each other.

TL;DR I keep picking fights with my boyfriend because we don’t see each other as much due to schedule and distance

TLDR: 10 year long bff ghosted me even though nothing has changed and wouldn’t admit it, now has actively hidden from me in public.

My F35, BFF M46 has felt distant 18ish months. I asked him 9ish months ago and he told me I was wrong/imagining it so we agreed he’d make effort. Nothing changed and he refused to admit it, even got angry when I asked again. For 6 months, I’ve not reached out in any way, and he has twice, when he wants something. This afternoon he walked past me near my work and I saw him actively hide so I wouldn’t see him. I didn’t react and kept walking, but I know I was right and feel heartbroken about it. It was easier to live in a state of not knowing, but now I know for sure.

I know people grow apart, and that’s ok. But where does the respect of a 10 year friendship with your best friend come into it? How do people just do this to people they care about.

Important details. He is married, wife F43 is also my BFF. He and I were friends first through work, and then wife and I also became close. Dynamic has existed like that for 8+ years. We’ve had no issues, relationship is great. They have no kids, only dogs and I am their guardian in the wills and until this point, everything has been amazing between the three of us.

Recently i realized that i have been putting less effort into the relationship than i used to. nothing happened that caused this, but i think i got comfortable and started assuming everything was fine.

My partner has not given up on us, but she did tell me that she misses the effort and attention from earlier in our relationship.

I want to improve because i care about her, not just because she brought it up. What are realistic ways to become a better partner after getting too comfortable?

tl;dr: i feel like i became too comfortable in my relationship. i want advice on putting in more effort again.

We've been together over 2.5 years. I feel very bothered when he verbalizes these feelings. He's not the happiest with where he's gotten to with life this far, or his job. Sometimes he's made comments about how x thing is just a way to take money from losers like him. Or that x thing, like better insurance, was better geared towards those with families and not losers like him or something.

It makes me sad to hear him talk bad about himself. But it also feels like a lot to unpack.....like what exactly is so bad? He doesn't actually want to have the whole house and kids and yada yada. Comparing himself to others and what's often expected by x age is what I think robs him of his chance to be content for long. And its hard to offer comfort when faced with that. How can I help him be kinder to himself?

And also... I dont view myself as a loser....I wouldn't date one either. I'm going for my doctorate soon. I have passion for my work. Im conventionally attractive. I feel like I've worked so hard and tried to become better each year so I wouldn't have a loser by my side. So it bothers me to hear him talk bad about himself because by extension it calls into question my own judgment and my selection of him as my partner.

TL:DR Complex feelings towards bf saying hes a loser. Idk how to help him or make him be kinder to himself.

For context, my bf and i have been together for over 3 years now. I live with him and his mother for the past year due to my personal situation with my mom (she is all i have in this country) and can’t stay with her. My boyfriend got a job a few months ago that is about an hour away from where we live. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have his own car but i do. Before he even got the job, i let him know i cant always take him or let him use my car since I have my own things to do and have to get to school/work myself. I let him know we can come up with a plan for him to get to work and can save up for a car. He at the time understood that, or so I thought.

The plan I came up with for him is to take the Brightline train since it isn’t as expensive as Ubering there and back. He told me he would consider it and talk to the hiring manager about it during his interview. After the interview, he told me he forgot to mention it and didn’t really want to. I asked him what he was going to do and he just shrugged it off and was like I’lll figure out.

As time goes on, he has been borrowing his mom’s car to go to work and the times he can’t, he asks to use mine. Whenever I don’t have things to do and don’t mind if he uses it, I let him take it. There are times where I just want my own car to use whether that’s to go to work or do my errands. Sometimes when he asks me to use it (btw most of the times he asks me the same day by waking me up at 5 am and doesn’t ask in advance) I tell him sorry I need my car today. He doesn’t understand why because the reason isn’t “good enough” for him. He says we need to be working together and he needs the car. I understand he needs to get to work and it’s really expensive to uber there and back, but I can’t lend out my car all the time and be stuck with nothing myself. He offers to uber me places since it will be cheaper and he takes the car himself. Sometimes I say yes to that because I end up feeling guilty for saying no but as of lately, I have been pretty fed up with it. I spoke to him about this and said it’s not fair to me when i already have told him before he got the job that my car isn’t always going to be an option to go to work because I will need it. I even try to make a plan with him so he has a way to get to work but he brushes me off because “he doesnt care enough”.. Tonight he said he is reconsidering things with me because he doesn’t agree with the way i think.

Am i being inconsiderate or a bad girlfriend? I just want to be able to take myself places in my own car and not be stuck at home..

TL;DR - My boyfriend constantly wakes me up at 5 am to ask to borrow my car to go to work. Sometimes I say yes or no depending on my situation but he doesn’t understand why I would say no.

After many hardships and toxic relationships and marriage, and after a lot of therapy, I’m with the most amazing man I ever had. He’s family oriented, we share the same hobbies, he’s all into cuddles and kisses and he can manage my ADHD like none before. Actually none cared for me like him.
I really truly love him and he also reminds me everyday. We are a year and a half together and I feel very much in love. We live together with my teenager son who also getting along. Balance and peace has arrived with him.
Ofc we have some issues like all people but we try to communicate and find solutions. He is used to routine and doing same things everyday for years, I’m the opposite. I need to travel, need small surprises and excitement through the month to be able to survive the daily routine. His brain is pretty neurotypical. He likes my craziness and I love his stability. But sometimes he’s so much into “what has to be done” and forgets or he’s too tired to initiate sex or go on a date with me. This month I did not want to initiate it and he hasn’t done as well. He’s also much more inexperienced than me into this field, which I accepted because he’s everything I ever wanted and needed.
I’m not sure how to approach it. I was honest to him yesterday after our date night that he had prepared our cozy corner to watch an episode rather than create the atmosphere to be intimate. I would like to think that he’s too tired because we run all day to work and chores. But still… it’s been ten days now without sex and I feel sad about it. I really like having sex 2-3 times a week, and I feel he could go a month without sex because it’s not in his priorities.
And here goes a realisation of mine. I approach sex as a deep intimate experience of passion, connection, lust and communication. To me sex is an empty canvas ready to paint with the colours of love. I’ve had so much great sex in my life. My partner on the other hand, he hasn’t developed over his “manly” and body function needs to experience this amazing world of sensation. He had very very little experience before and he still sees sex as “performance” which many men have. He wasn’t touched and hugged like I do with him and to him these are new feelings. But he’s also very very very slow learner.
We’ve done talks around it as he’s very open and he has no issues of me being more experienced, this actually turned him on. But still I’m not sure how to feel and how to approach this. What am I seeing wrong here?
I need more quality intimate time with my partner but I also don’t want to make him feel that he’s not enough. Which actually is sometimes and I feel so bad to say it but is a truth. He doesn’t know how to move properly (he’s better now) and there are only certain moves that he can manage. He knows it, I suggested workout and Pilates would help his body to be more flexible, he agrees but hasn’t stated anything.
I don’t want me to teach him everything like this. It’s nice that he wants to talk and communicate but it steals the magic from me. There’s Google, books and even AI to help him grow in his relationship. Like I do. I research everything I need to improve or learn. But I have a feeling he’s not going to look anywhere if I say nothing and all the responsibility drops on my shoulder.
As people he’s super slow and I’m super fast acting and reacting to life. He takes time and I have figured out things within 30 mins it’s how my brain works. We know that but how long I have to wait? How to approach this to him? He knows I’m not going to leave because of that, and I won’t because I want to grow old with him. But also want to improve our sex life.
Tl;dr how to improve my sex life with my partner that we love each other so much but he’s inexperienced sans also doesn’t bother to have sex as often as I do?

TL;DR: My partner says our relationship can’t progress unless I become closer to his family. I’m introverted, and after learning that his mother talked about me behind my back, I’ve struggled to feel comfortable around her. I’m willing to make an effort, but I feel like my partner doesn’t understand my side. How can we work through this?

My partner and I have been together for five years, and lately, I’ve been questioning our relationship because of ongoing issues involving his family.

I’m an introvert and didn’t grow up in a big family, so I’m not used to being very close to a lot of people. His family often has get-togethers on weekends, but I can’t always attend because I have my own responsibilities. I’ve tried to make an effort, but I sometimes feel like we have different personalities and just don’t naturally connect.

Things became more difficult after I found out that his mother had talked about me behind my back. My partner defended me, but the experience still hurt me and made me uncomfortable around her, especially since we live in the same house. I sometimes worry about how she sees me, and it’s been difficult to act as though nothing happened.

My partner believes I should understand his mother because he knows his family better than I do. I understand that they’re important to him, but I wish he could also acknowledge why I’ve become distant.

Recently, he told me that his feelings for me have faded because I’m not close to his family. He also questioned how we could take our relationship to the next level if things stay this way. This was painful to hear after five years together, especially because I’m only now realizing how much this matters to our future.
I’m willing to make an effort, but I don’t think closeness can be forced, especially when there’s still hurt involved. I’m not asking him to choose between me and his family. I just want a relationship where we can understand each other instead of having the same conflict repeatedly.

Am I wrong for struggling to connect with his family? Is it reasonable to need time to feel comfortable again, or should I be doing more to make this work?

TL; dr My boyfriend (M21) and I (F21) got back in touch after 3 years. Three years ago, what we had was more of a situationship. After all this time, he texted me just to ask how I was doing, where I was, and what had changed in my life. I told him that 2.5 years ago I left the country and I don't know if I'll ever go back. We had amazing conversations and talked on the phone for hours.
Two weeks after we "reconnected," I got a message early one morning saying he didn't want to keep talking to me, that he didn't know if we'd see each other in the next few years, and that the huge distance and time difference were weighing on him. I stayed silent all day and only wrote back many hours later, after working up the courage with a few glasses of wine. I told him everything: why I hadn't had a relationship in 3.5 years, that I loved him, that I'd been waiting this whole time and hoping so badly he'd write. I'd spent those years on a tiny bit of hope, on a man who was in a relationship the entire time. Two weeks later he wrote again and wanted to apologize for being impulsive. Everything was wonderful again, and for the first time in my life I told someone I loved them. I'm a pretty dry texter and a fairly cold person, but after saying "I love you," I discovered my affectionate, tender side for the first time.
Then everything changed in a single day. He went away for a week to relax with his friends. We sent our usual "good night, I love you," and I went to bed. By midday my time it was already morning for him, and he always texted me then. That day the hours kept passing, and it was already evening for him, so I wrote first. His replies were dry, and he didn't ask anything back, not even "how was your day?" I had an important meeting that day that I'd prepared for a long time. He knew, but didn't ask about it at all. I started looking for the problem in myself, but everything was perfect the day before, and my conscience is clear: I've never cheated on him, never sent mixed signals to other guys, never gone on dates. I asked him several times what was wrong. His replies take hours, when he normally answers fast. And it's always the same: "everything's fine, I just need to sort out some personal stuff" or "I'm really busy these days." When I ask what stuff, there's no answer.
You might think maybe something happened with his health or his family, but we were at a point where we told each other everything and shared our problems. So I started wondering: what if he ran into his ex again, or met someone new? I checked who he follows, and there really is a new girl I don't know. But I don't know his ex either, so I can't tell who she is. Still, the fact is he followed someone new.
I don't want to be jealous, and it makes me so angry that this is stealing my peace, that I can't sleep at night, that I'm stalking his follows, that all these thoughts keep creeping into my head. What would you do in my place?

I am (20f) and my boyfriend is (21m), we have been together for almost a year now and have also been together throughout all of my college years, and one of his.

A few months ago we had a really deep talk on how he sometimes demands a lot, which can cause me to feel mentally exhausted, for example he always wants to know what i am doing, i take longer than an hour to respond he gets really hurt and ends up complaining about how i am not doing enough or that he feels neglected, he has also brought up the fact that he wants to see more often, but the thing is we see each other almost everyday single day, and he often visits me while i am at work meaning that i go little to no days without seeing him. Whenever we go more than a day without seeing each other he complains about how much he misses me and that i don’t make enough time for him. Which i understand to a point but i am taking really hard classes, have work, and also in multiple organizations at my school which makes me busy and stressed 24/7. I have mentioned to him that i cannot answer him every hour of the day and i mentally don’t have the capacity to be talking to someone all day either. I love him so much but it’s becoming to a point where i feel so mentally exhausted and starting to check out of the relationship.

I have also brought up the fact he should maybe join some kind of school organization, sport team or even get a job so he can meet others that have similar interests etc, but he is in his third year and still has not met or even put in the effort to make friends. If he wants to go out or do something i am the first person he reaches out for, which i love at times but sometimes i want him to have his own time with other people without me always being there. In a way i feel like him constantly wanting to see me and spend time together has also limited my college experience, i have noticed myself skipping class or not being able to see friends because he wants to see me everyday and i dont want to hurt his feelings. I have even tried to make him befriend some of my other friends but he politely declined.

I don’t know what to do, because i do love him and he has been the best boyfriend so far but it just feels like i can never meet his demands.

TDLR: My boyfriend constantly demands attention that i simply cannot give due to stress and school

Okay so I've had a friend online for a long time and like its purely platonic and we dont even talk alot we mainly just send each other reels and stuff.

•few years back b4 I was in a rel I used to joke s1mp on him ( it was satire and i thought it was obvious because he was ehh) so now my bf knew abt him

•but I didnt mention him after the relationship began so he assumed i dint talk to him ig.

•we had a disagreement once and he asked me who do I talk to online ( the disagreement was unrelated to sumn like this )and I omitted his name because I was scared it would start another argument.

•he recently asked again and I told him and he got mad saying I'm only finding out now why didn't you tell me before?

I feel guilty about hiding that from him at that time. How do I fix this?

TL;DR had an online friend. Didnt tell my bf about him even when he asked because we recently had an argument. He asked again when things were normal andi told him the truth. He was upset.. how do I fix this?

TLDR; my boyfriend (M 21) had a porn addiction and broke my trust and it has impacted my life in such a big way. I want to trust him again but I can’t seem to. We want to get married next year but I don’t know if I can go through with it if I can’t get past this and trust him again.

Me (F 21) and my boyfriend (M 21) have been together for 6 years practically. We were long distance for a very long time as he is from Europe and I am in America. He came to visit me earlier this year and had spent 3 months living with me, we were in each others company almost 24 hours a day other than the times I would go to class for college and use the bathroom or shower. Same with him. One night I was looking on his phone reading something on Reddit because my phone had broken a week before that. I stumbled upon a history filled with porn of women that looked absolutely nothing like me, and more hurtful was that I saw he was looking at it as soon as a day ago at the time. Which he was in my house. All the dates I saw he was with me. There were dates on the history where we were on nice trips such as trips to the Grand Canyon or Yosemite. As I looked I saw he had watched porn 3 times on the day he proposed to me during our Yosemite trip. I completely freaked out on him my heart was absolutely broken. Knowing he did that when he had me for 3 months and had been having intimacy with me almost every day. Doing it in my house and on little trips together where it was just me and him it hurt me very much. I am very much against porn in a general sense but more so when someone is in a relationship. I know that some people have different boundaries and I’m not here to judge but for me personally it’s not okay. I have been betrayed and I have awful neglect and anxiety issues and I have been more than open with him about the fact that I am not comfortable with him watching porn if he is going to be in a relationship with me and he understood. He told me he would never do something like that yet what I found was the complete opposite of that. It got to a point to where I said idk if I can be in the relationship knowing that he was doing that just in the other room from me and blamed it on me saying because we got into arguments it stressed him out and that’s why he did it basically to cope. We ended up talking and I said he can’t do that again and if he does he needs to tell me the truth about it. Since then he insists he hasn’t done it. When I ask him about it he tells me he would never do it again and he has given me access to every account he has such as email, instagram, google etc. He went home about a week after that whole thing happened 2 months went by and then I went to Europe to see him for about 2 months. I am now back home and we are back to being online again. I find it hard to trust him I feel the need to monitor him and his accounts and ask him if he would do anything like that again, as it hurt me very bad. I have awful self esteem issues and he was the only person that made me feel good about myself and I never questioned my trust for him until now. I continue to struggle with now not feeling good enough, being worried that he will betray my trust again if we get into an argument, and feeling bad about my body and appearance and thinking things such as I’m not his type because I’m not the race that he would watch constantly on these porn videos. I want to trust him again as we want to get married next year but I don’t know if I can go through with it. This thing eats me up inside as I feel so betrayed by it and I know some people won’t think it’s a big deal, but if anyone can offer any advice on how to get better with trusting him I would love to hear. Or even just general thoughts.

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly two years, we met in highschool and have recently graduated (4/5 months ago for me, 9 months ago for him) and I’m unsure if it’s just because we don’t get to see one another that often as we both live 40 minutes away from eachother and are always working or for me, always having schoolwork or I hang out with my friends. My boyfriend has recently been up my butt about telling him where I go before I leave which I don’t really care but when he blows up my phone till I answer or I forget and then tell him when I get home he questions me like I’ve done something wrong when usually, all I’m doing is picking my sister up from school or hanging out with my friends. He has me on Life360 and Snapchat maps so I don’t really understand the need to know all the time but if that’s how he wants it I suppose it’s fine.

He constantly playfully teases me and stuff and I can say I may get frustrated easily but I take things at face value and I can’t really tell the difference between jokes or truths, but it really irritates me when he constantly does it and I tell him it bothers me and he just says, “oh but your so cute when you get mad”, and that just makes me even more upset because why am I not being taken seriously. I want him to start college back again as he stopped for his job but I don’t know if that’ll happen and I’ve been slowly trying to convince him to get a different truck because he pays like 70 bucks worth of gas each day to go to work and home and such. I don’t know maybe I’m thinking too deeply about some of these things but I just want to know how I can move forward with getting him to actually listen to me and act more mature without outright saying that. I take medication for anxiety and depression and I have mood swings here and there and sometimes I have a hard time knowing if I’m truly upset or it’s just my head, I bring this up because I don’t know if I’m overthinking or not. Thank you ahead of time.

TL;DR : Boyfriend of two years frustrates me by not truly listening to me and I don’t know how to move forward.

TL;DR: My (24M) girlfriend (19F) recently started MBBS, and we're in a long-distance relationship. Since she started college, she's made new friends, including male friends, and spends time hanging out and playing cards with them. We don't talk as much as we used to, and I miss the closeness we had. I understand she deserves her own social life, but I feel insecure, jealous, and scared we're growing apart. How do I manage these feelings without becoming controlling, and how can we rebuild our connection?

We're in a long-distance relationship. She's recently started studying MBBS, while I'm in my UPSC preparation phase, and lately, I've been feeling increasingly distant from her. Before she started college, we used to talk a lot more. Initially, when she hadn't made many friends, she'd call me after almost every lecture. It wasn't that I expected her to spend all her free time with me, but those little moments made me feel connected to her.

Now she's made friends including male friends, and spends time hanging out and playing cards with them. I understand that this is a normal part of college life, and I genuinely want her to enjoy it. But I can't deny that it makes me insecure, especially because we're long-distance.i feel bad that we don't communicate like we used to. Earlier she'd call me whenever she had some free time. Now i sometimes feel like I'm no longer the person she instinctively thinks of. A few days ago, I called her while she was in the library, and she didn't pick up, which was unusual for her. I called her out of jealousy and insecurity because she was with her male friends.I start overthinking whether her feelings or priorities are changing.I realise that some of this might be my own anxiety. She's entering a new phase of life, meeting people and building friendships, while I'm in a preparation phase. Sometimes, it feels like her world is expanding while mine is staying the same, and I'm scared we're slowly growing apart.

I've talked to her about how I feel, and I don't want to become controlling or make her feel guilty for having male friends or enjoying college. At the same time, I miss the closeness we had, and I don't know how to deal with these feelings without repeatedly seeking reassurance from her. She also wants to fix this. It was her who started feeling distant first, now she doesn't feel it but I do.

How do you deal with jealousy and insecurity when your partner makes new friends, including male friends? How do you distinguish between your own anxiety and genuine emotional distance from your partner? Is it reasonable to ask for consistent time and effort, and how do we rebuild our connection without making communication feel like an obligation?

I love her, she loves me and want her to enjoy this phase of her life. But I'm feeling neglected and unwanted. I don't want my insecurities to damage our relationship, but I also want to feel connected.

Me (24F) and my fiancé (24M) have been together for 6 years and our relationship is great we don’t have many arguments and we hangout pretty much everyday and both genuinely enjoy it.

Only thing that may (?) not be perfect is our self life. We have sex maybe 1-2 a week and it’s normal vanilla sex that last about 5-10 minutes. Is that a normal? Am I being dramatic for feeling like he’s not physically attracted to me because of the lack of more frequent intimacy?

I asked my older sister and she said the internet has given us all unrealistic expectations on relationships.

I brought it up to my partner and he said of course he’s attracted to me and he doesn’t see a problem with once a week at all.

TL;DR: Worried about partners attraction to me due to not having an active sex life.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (25F) have been together for 3 years. My boyfriend started smoking weed again we’ve been clean almost a year (about 10 m).

A little back story we started smoking after I had my daughter and she was abt 8m old. Getting clean again (I first got clean when I found out I was pregnant with her) was one of the hardest things I did I have BPD so I really crashed out when it all happened and my mom had to come up for almost a week to help me until I was stable.

So fast forward to recently. We went out one night and we couldn’t drink that night bc we both got tattoos that day. I had this night planned forever with my friends so I was like maybe we get a thc seltzer so we can still be included and it’ll be a one off (we had talked about the idea of maybe doing this at some point before). So we get the thc seltzers but my friend ended up having a dab pen (she smokes randomly like once a month) so my bf hit it and I hit it once I didn’t like the feeling so I went ahead and drank with them instead. My bf ended up hitting the pen all night which I didn’t really have a problem with bc I was like this will be a one off.

After that night my bf talks abt how he would rather smoke than drink when we all go out bc he doesn’t like drinking which is true he’s never been a fan. So I was like yeah okay that’s fine bc we go out maybe once a month. Then a day or two later he comes to me and says he did some research and found a subreddit where ppl only smoke fri and sat nights apparently so he wanted to try that.

I didn’t love the idea bc weed is something I’ve always struggled with being addicted to this is the longest I’ve ever been sober from weed since I was 15 (other than my pregnancy/postpartum). So I told him I don’t love the idea but if he thinks he can do it in moderation then I’m okay with it bc I do drink on weekends once or twice. So the weekend comes and goes and he does what he says he was going to.

Then the next weekend (this past weekend) comes around. He smoked both Fri and sat but then he also smoked Sun I said that’s weird that he did it sun too and he made up some excuse like it was easy to wind down or whatever. Then he smoked Mon which I wasn’t cool with I said something and he was like it helps him relax after work. Then he smokes again tue.

I confronted him that this isn’t cool atp and he’s already breaking all of his boundaries he set and it’s not even been two weeks. He says I drink during the week too and pretty much deflects the whole argument on me saying this is his version of that and that I was the one who suggested the thc seltzer in the first place. I don’t drink everyday maybe 1-2 times a week and maybe once on the weekends bc I usually work weekends and atp I’ve been heavily cutting back because I know that’s also not great. Eventually after we fight for at least 30 min he says he hears me out and won’t smoke tom.

So now It’s tomorrow and we get dinner we get Mexican food I said I wanna order a margarita but I’m not bc I have work to do tn. He is like yeah I want one too but I’d rather smoke than drink so if I was going to do anything I would just smoke but it’s either I’m doing that or noting so I’m going to do nothing. We get home and he’s like I want to smoke soo bad and long story short he does.

I don’t know what to do it’s already gotten back to an addictive point with him and we have a 2 y/o daughter I don’t want her father to be high around her all the time since he mostly sees her at night when he’s off work and on the weekends. I’m just stuck right now he is the bread winner in our family and I do love him but this is really making me feel a type of way. I already expressed how I felt and it was just an argument that feels like it was pointless bc he has shown me nothing has changed after tonight.

I run my own business so I’ve started throwing myself into that even more to distract from wanting to smoke. I feel like seeing him get addicted so quick has really solidified for me that I’m done with that stuff it’s just not worth it at all. I started my business when I got sober and I have worked WAY too hard to just throw that away. I also take care of our daughter 24/7 while working so I don’t want to be absent minded in her life as well. She deserves at least one present parent. What do I do at this point I’m so sad.

TLDR: My bf of 3 years and father to our 2 year old started smoking again after we got clean almost a year ago. Said he was going to only do it on weekends and not even a week later it’s everyday.

I 23F have been dating my bf 26M for almost 6 years now, since I was 17 years old. We've had our ups and a lot of downs and have been arguing a lot the past few months. I almost broke up with him two weeks ago but he literally begged me to stay. He lives about an hour from me and although it's not that far, I'm usually the one driving to his house since he works and I go to school throughout the week and that gets really annoying for me(I've told him this). He has been coming over sometimes after I told him. I've never had feelings or a crush on someone irl throughout our relationship but ever since I started one of my classes this semester I can't stop thinking about the guy that sits next to me. I don't know why I get so nervous around him and feel like a teen with a crush again. I think he likes me too which is what even got me to notice him. He seems really nice and sweet, he makes sure that I have the classwork for the class since the class is difficult he is usually the one that does it and gives me the answers (I try helping too). There are little things he does that make me feel like he's interested like sending me a picture of himself after the first day of school and he seems happy to see me. He also lives 15-20 min away from me. I can't stop thinking about him and it's driving me insane. I also have no idea how old my classmate is which worries me. He might be my age or younger.

**TL;DR;** : What should I do?

Hi everyone, my boyfriend, let’s call him C, 24M and I 24F met in college when we were 19. We had both just gotten out of relationships and started seeing each other, then started dating soon after. I was enamored by him and his handsomeness, humor, and intellect. But things are a bit complicated when I look back on our relationship because I had dated someone before him who made me feel very well understood. Let’s call him Z. Z and I were both a bit depressed and had similar adventurous attitudes, like we were trying to escape reality through soul seeking, coping with our sadness through each other. I really miss this guy now but had broken up with him because I got tired of how needy and codependent he was. It became unattractive and I wanted someone more like my current bf, someone more independent and less depressed, someone brighter who made me feel lighter. Fast forward three years after my current bf and I started dating and we began living together and have been for the past 1.5 years.

When we first moved in together in a studio after being long distance for about a year after graduating, I felt very excited to start a life in person with him. But slowly my feelings have declined because I don’t feel the same emotional draw or depth from him that I had felt with Z. However, C is so kind and loving, tries to show me he cares for me through his affection and acts of service. But I’ve noticed that I started to feel so much longing throughout our conversations, longing for something deeper. It’s hard to describe what that is exactly. I just wish he knew how to be more curious and compelling on an emotional level, but the guy is not very well-versed in his own emotions like that, like Z was. I’m starting to feel very bored and frustrated with him, and we have had many talks about it to where I verbalize exactly how I feel and he says he will work on himself and his emotional depth, but nothing changes. I don’t think this is something I can ask someone to change about themselves. When he told me he could give me space to breath though, I got very anxious and scared about him leaving. My gut reaction was to not break up with him in that moment.

I am confused and don’t know what to do. I think he’s an amazing person but I’m struggling to feel in love like how I used to feel with him. I also grew tired of my ex and broke up with him too. How do I fall back in love? I also feel like I’m treating the relationship like a marriage when we are just dating. I can leave and find someone else who makes me happier, but this guy is such a good guy and I do feel really lucky to be with someone like him. But I’m also young and maybe this is the period of my life I should take advantage of to date around and find someone who makes me happier? Idk what to do!

Tldr: I’m 24F and not feeling in love with a genuinely good guy 24M anymore because of my loss of emotional draw to him , how do I fall back in love?

So I’m in a relationship and I make it very obvious that I am like I talk about my boyfriend and stuff. We have a kinda gang at work it’s me, two other female coworkers around my age and this guy (M35).

I had a health situation and he had taken me to the hospital with one girl from the gang. He reminded me of my uncle who is nice and helpful and stuff. So I started talking and we all became a gang of sorts like we’d go out for dinner and stuff

Now I’m feeling like he’s hitting on me subtly, I don’t know if I’m overthinking it. I’ve told this to my boyfriend and we both tried to decipher the situation and we still couldn’t be for sure.

He offered to pick up and drop me from my house near the office which is out of his way and to my family’s house like atleast an hour away. Since I had thought of him as an uncle I said okay and he did it a few times. In one of those times he touched my thighs a couple of times I got so weirded out. But he drops and picks up a lot of people from the office so there’s reasonable doubt

Then on his bday the gang didn’t come and I gave him a book as a gift cause I LOVE books like I’m identified with my love for books in the office and we’ve talked about books and he had to stay overtime at work so I said I’m going to dinner and he can join me (again cause I thought of him as an uncle) and he asked “will your boyfriend not have a problem with it”

I just went ew wtf. Like why would you even think like that? You’re as old as my uncle. But I told him ew bro you’re like a brother to me why would he have a problems with it. He won’t. This is when I told my boyfriend about it and we started discussing it. I called up the rest of the people in the gang and asked them to join

He went to a bookstore and got me a book cause he found books of the author I love and said that it was on an offer so I wanted to pay him back for the book like he’s buying it for me. And while he gave it to me there was another book along with it. He just said read it. Weird.. why are you gifting me, there’s no occasion. Atp maybe I was overthinking everything cause I was suspicious of the previous situation. But then I came to know he goes out during work hours to help my other female coworkers with their work so I thought maybe I was overthinking and I let it slide

Until one day, the gang was hanging out and he was asked tell me the kinda girl you want and we can set you up. He said some stuff and then they asked what about age, first he said +5.-5 from my age and I was like damn okay maybe I was overthinking actually he’s only interested in that age which is good cause it’ll be creepy if he said my age right? Right?

He did. Then he went oh wait no they should have atleast finished undergrad. That is me, I just finished and joined. First of all my issues was he shouldn’t see me that way cause I’m too young and it’s creepy but he seems to be okay with it. Creepy. Maybe he isn’t hitting on me and I’m overthinking again. But it’s just weird

My college friend says men do shit like this, it’s creepy but it happens. But ew that’s all I’d like to say for two things one I’m WAYY younger and the other is that I’ve openly mentioned I have a boyfriend

And when my boyfriend was visiting, the other people in the gang were excited as much as me when I said I was gonna go home early. Except him, he was like you’re going early on two days? That’s risky, what if someone says something. In my office people have a little flexibility regarding timings and also it’s just two days and he’s not even in my team so my team lead handles things differently. And early in this context was half an hour to 45 mins.

tl:dr:Isn’t it creepy and weird that a 35 year old thinks it’s okay to say he’d be interested in a 21 year old?

UPDATE as I listened to everyone's advice I reached out to a therapist so there is someone else I can talk to, and hopefully get over my issues and reprogram myself from how I had to be in the past. Thank you so much everyone. It really helped seeing all of your comments. Thanks <3

My wife's, of 14 years, mother died suddenly a few months ago, a dsa before we were supposed to have my in-laws visit for the first time in 2 years. To make matters more complicated it happened on my birthday and I was the one who had to tell her so she would know to pick up a call from her dad on a different number.

No one suspected anything she had literally just had her annual physical and they said everything looked good.

I loved my MIL as much as I love my own mother. I live on a different continent than my mother so in many ways my MIL was more present and available in day to day things.

She was my wifes best friend outside of me. They talked every dsy despite living far enough away that either we or thr in-laws.had to fly to see each other in person. I loved that her mother was such a big part of both of our lives.

She was one of the few people who saw and accepted me for me. So many times she was there for me emotionally. I equally love my FIL who is one of the most thoughtful yet strong people I have ever known, and so I am trying to be as available for him as possible. My wife talks to him daily now instead of her mom but it's not the same.

On top of all of this I've been disabled for several years and recently had an awful episode that made my conditions worse. So I'm already low on energy to begin with. We also found out that there is no real way of knowing if I'll ever recover fully. There's nothing currently known about how to help with the condition.

When my wife is home I support her however I can. I've always been the "chef" of the relationship so she is at least eating almost as much as before.

I hold her when she cries, I support her when she needs to buy something small to distract her from the pain, despite us being on an extremely tight budget due to my disability.

I don't feel like I'm allowed to cry when she is falling apart, but I'm hurting and missing my MIL.

I don't know what else I can do. I don't even know if this is the right subreddit to post.

TL;DR wife's (37f) mother passed and I'm struggling to support her whole I deal with my disability and grief at the loss of my MIL. I don't know how I can support her better.