As most of us know, doing therapy on this stuff can lead to really hard weeks/months/years where everything is a trigger and the panic is right around the corner.

What are some good, low trigger warning, tv shows to dissociate to when going through it?

My list:
New Girl
The Office
Parks And Rec

Anybody got some others?

Edit: thank you all for the lovely comments and conversation about this. I'm really happy to see all the discussion going on from people all over the spectrum of sexuality and lifestyle. I almost deleted this post when I first made it because I was embarrassed and afraid of being misunderstood, but I'm really happy I didn't because I think it's so cool how meaningful this topic is to you guys. Thank you again and I hope y'all are having the best day today 🫶🏻

Yes, I know that that is a common and valid response/reaction to physical abuse. I also have no problem with BDSM dynamics and relationships. I have happily and consensually participated in some light/mild BDSM during sex with people I loved and trusted very much. This is just me venting. Also TW: for SA

I was sexually abused by many people in many ways in my life since I was at least eight or nine years old. Whether it be family friends, members of both my immediate/extended family, grown ass men online, guys I went to school with or romantic partners. And BDSM or overall sexual violence, for some fuck ass reason, was essentially seen as the default 90% of the time.

When I was 17 years old and I was in my first actually sexually active relationship with a guy in my class, there were so many times where he choked me so hard that I truly thought I was going to die. This same person, who was literally just a 16 year old kid, tied a rope around my neck and "walked me" around his house like a fucking dog. And when he was done, he had my bare ass naked self "sit" on the kitchen floor, where he proceeded to open the fridge, pull out a can of ginger ale and insulted me while he took sips of it. And after he was done degrading and humiliating me, as a final "fuck you" to me I guess, he took his can of ginger ale and poured it all over me. It's been just about nine years since that, and I've only just recently gotten to the point where I can see someone drinking ginger ale without wanting to cry and run away. I refuse to keep it in my apartment, though. And I refuse to drink it. I never want that disgusting awful shit near me again.

I loved this person more than life itself at that point. I didn't want to be insulted. I didn't want to be degraded and beaten and bruised and walked around the house like an actual fucking dog just to have ginger ale dumped over my head and onto my naked body I just wanted to love and be loved. Violence isn't love to me, it's never been love to me. For me, love is taking care of each other. Being slow. Just enjoying each other. That's love to me. Sexual violence, or any form of violence, really, is the exact opposite of love to me. It's scary. It's upsetting. It's hyperactive in the most awful and uncomfortable way. I've been abused so many times by so many people, and during the abuse I wanted nothing more than for it to stop. Why the FUCK would I want to replicate that in the most vulnerable position you can put yourself in?

I absolutely despise the fact that BDSM is now seen as "the default." Why the fuck are teenagers tying each other up in barbed wire and doing rape roleplays? My experience was from high school in 2017-2018, I can only imagine how awful it is now with social media normalizing it and making it so casual. I've heard so many stories of people meeting their tinder date at a bar just getting to know each other for them to be in bed three hours later just naturally choking/slapping/beating each other (or asking to be choked/slapped/beaten) from the absolute get-go with very minimal, if any, trust and conversation about it beforehand. Hell, I've heard of people getting ghosted after a date/hook up because they didn't naturally assume their partner liked that shit. It's one reason why if my wife and I don't work out for some reason, I'll be single and abstinent for the rest of my life. I also hate being accused of "being lame" or shamed for being "vanilla" (as if it's a slur) because I don't want that shit. I don't want to slap you and degrade you the first time I sleep with you, and you better not fucking try to do that shit to me. It's lonely and isolating, really. Sometimes it makes me feel like my assaults and abuse must not have been "serious enough" because if they were, I would've developed a kink/fetish for it. Since it seems like everyone else has.

If you read this far, I appreciate it. This is something that's been on my mind for a very long time, and I just needed to finally get it out before I went crazy.

I feel like this can be a core component of CPTSD, that maybe gets overlooked. It seems to encompass everything that happens with abusers, and is the main difficulty to process when it comes to enablers of trauma.

Just to give a definition -

Betrayal trauma is the psychological and emotional harm that can occur when someone violates your trust, loyalty or reasonable expectations of care, honesty and responsibility within a relationship. It can be particularly distressing when the person who betrays you is someone you have come to rely on, respect, feel connected to or regard as trustworthy.

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I feel like the aftermath of prolonged betrayal in relationships from adolescence to adulthood creates a breeding ground for hyper-vigilance, avoidance, shame, guilt and distrust in yourself and ofcourse others.

It’s scary how such an occurrence being repeated can create a disturbing dynamic where you become normalised to relationships where you become prey to others. You stop defending yourself, and stop expecting someone to come save you or stand up for you. Especially yourself.

Such a traumatic dynamic becoming normalised can be a self fulfilling prophecy, where institutions and care providers who should help you, can create the same betrayal you endured in childhood. This can be a combination of lack of self empowerment, and maliciousness of abusive hidden agents in powerful positions.

————————————

I’m sure they are many on here who have suffered this type of trauma with parents, siblings, friends, teachers, partners, work colleagues etc…

Edit - Found a great video explaining the impact of betrayal trauma on the brain and body (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y5ssPRmnkbM&pp=ygUPYmV0cmF5YWwgdHJhdW1h&ra=m)

It took me embarrassingly long to start questioning my relationship with him.

He was always been weird with me, but it all felt so normal. I vaguely remember some moments that make me cringe inside today.

Like when I was a kid, maybe 8 years old. We were at a beach with our family friends. I remember changing out of my swimsuit with a towel around me. My dad was behind me and he yanked the towel down, exposing me. His friend, also a grown man, was sitting next to him and they both found it funny. I wrapped myself again and tried to continue changing when he did it again, this time grabbing me by my arm, pulling me closer and slapping my butt a few times. He held me in place, naked, as he and his friend laughed, and I distinctly remember his friend slapping my butt as well and saying “how cute”. I started to cry from embarrassment, and tried to yank my arm away, but my dad held me in place. He told me to calm down and stop crying and only when I did, he let me go to put clothes on.

Stuff like that, butt slaps, wasn’t uncommon. Growing up, I was perfectly used him slapping/caressing/pinching my butt, my thighs, my stomach. He would especially sometimes be fixated on the “adorableness” of my butt. I have distinct memories of him saying he could eat my butt up if I was wearing leggings, or a skirt that he’d lift to slap me, or even bite me. When I started nearing my teens, I remember finding it annoying, and as I started showing annoyance, he started being less handsy, but it never really stopped. An occasional butt slap was never out of the question.

Another seriously questionable memory was when my mom bought me my first bra. I never understood why, but she told me not to let my dad find out she bought it for me. One day after school, I changed and left it on my bed with my other clothes. My dad walked in later and saw it. He had a shocked expression and asked if it was mine and if I bought it myself. When I said yes and that my mom and I bought it, he told me I was too young for a bra, and had me take my shirt off and put the bra on. I stood there, my face red hot, while he evaluated the way my bra fit me. He took it off of me and took it away and told me my mom needs to buy me sports bras until I’m old enough for a real one.

Unfortunately, there are more memories that have popped up during my life, but I don’t feel like writing them down right now. I don’t even know what the point of this post exactly is. All I know is I’ve had symptoms and anxieties and thoughts my whole life and only recently have I had the courage to start thinking about the connection between those things and my relationship with my dad. I just don’t know if I’m overreacting, if he’s actually been innocent towards me while I’m the one who’s being questionable for these thoughts. I don’t know. And the craziest thing is that I love him so much. I guess I’m trying to find someone who might understand.

Got told by a psychiatrist, where I had planned to get help for my C-PTSD, that my trauma wasn't "bad enough".

She asked: "Have you experienced death in your family that was traumatic?" No. "Have you experienced sexual violence in your family?" No.

She then smiled painfully and said "Then we can't help you. We have to prioritise the severe cases."

And I looked at her as someone who experiences emotional flashbacks at least once a day, has a body who's allergic to stress and who can't do basic things in my day to day life.

I don't have bad enough trauma? From a father who used emotional manipulation daily to get me to do as he wanted? Who closed the door so that I couldn't escape just because he wanted to "talk"? From a father who now makes it impossible for me to be around men, or just people in general, who use their voice too loudly?

I don't have bad enough trauma?

And I get it. They can't treat everyone. But saying yes to those two questions was the ONLY way you could be allowed treatment.

So now I have to wait 5+ years until I have a stable enough job to be able to pay the crazy sum that's needed for private care. (I live in Scandinavia)

I am fucking distraught, and my partner is too.

I can't keep living like this. I can't. It's exhausting.

Maybe it's already done but the most examples I have seen are them being portrayed as monsters or some caricaturish potrayal of evil and I think this does injustice to victim being not believed when they come out. The reality is where abusers are just ordinary human being like all of us not some special gene or brand of evil.

This results in human beings seperating their images from these abusers since they haven't done anything that extreme in their mind and victims doubting themselves thinking maybe they are wrong thinking certain behaviours as wrong and certain people in their lives as abusive since their demeanor isn't to that degree cartoonish and they are normal people you see everywhere.

I think this results also in other people being bystanders unknowingly cause they don't know that what's happening infront of them is abuse.

Abuse is objective. These particular acts like manipulation and gaslighting and guilt tripping and emotional blackmailing for controlling the person and such are marks of an abusive relationship. And th power dynamics matter.

We need to portray the dynamics between a victim and an abuser in much more nuanced way so that people don't ask questions like "well if she was abused why would she still stay with him and go back to him? Which victim behaves in such a casual way to their abuser? Most likely she is lying.". People have this stereotypical idea of who an abuser is and how victims are like and what is abuse and this idea is still prevalent. The reality that what is traumatic for people are different and different people respond to trauma differently and victims still "choosing" the abuser doesn't mean they are not an abuser should be known. This will result more people questioning their own behaviours.

Many times in my own life many of my abusers have claimed that they didn't "intend" to hurt even though they did intend to act what I pointed out as abuse and thus they think they aren't abusers.Consent I think is the most important in these conversations.

I know to victims they are actually "monsters" but I mean when showing them in media do show how could be having a pet they love or helping and caring for their friends or partner or anyone dear in their life and maybe even fighting for something they care. You can show how their motives aren't always based on "conquer, dominate ,hurt for pleasure" but something else. It can be something where the viewers will feel bad for the abuser thinking "well they just wanted to be loved" or "they didn't act that way to hurt" etc.

This doesn't mean you should depict it by excusing their actions because of their background or "reasons". And such careful portrayal is necessary where their life and what kind of mindset and systems lead such an abuser to exist and be enabled should be shown to light.

I can't write anymore even if I have more to say cos I'm tired. That's all.

So how many times have people said this to you after opening up on your trauma from abuse?

Because I honestly lost count, even people who talk about mental health non stop on social media and parade as mental health warriors have said some of the most heinous, passive-aggressive shit I can think of when I talked about my DV experience and child neglect as a kid.

I've been SA'd before but it has personally not affected me in the slightest, never in my life would I imagine responding to someone "yeah me too, so what?" if they told me about how their own SA ruined their mental health. Wtf?

So basically I got prescribed 0.5mg Risperidon :|

Stories? Experience?

Hi, everyone! I hope this post is appropriate for this subredit.

I’m curious how is your dating history and dating life? I’m F26, and after therapy, regulating my nervous system, and not dating for 5 years, I’ve realised that my dating history is the holy trinity of emotional unavailability. My first boyfriend, for example had AuDHD, the second one was someone with sociopathic tendencies (according to my therapist), and the last one was a covert narcissist (again, according to my therapist lol), needless to say I wasn't interested in dating ever since...

The main problem stems from my parents being emotionally unavailable, neglectful and mentally/ emotionally abusive towards me and I’ve been attracting and allowing similar people to be in my life. And even after having my non negotiables, my therapy insights and all, I’m still scared to go back to dating... So I'm looking for any advice you might have on how to avoid such people in the future more successfully, sharing anything about your experience in dating would go a long way too :)

Thank you in advance!

Sorry for my English, I’m not native :(

This one is complex, but I’m just so lonely rn. I’m a 30 y/o Black Man in a hard place. I’m conventionally attractive, and very high functioning, but I’m just so tired. It all feels like a bullshit performance. I’ve fought so hard for so long — done what everybody has ever told me would get me where I’ve wanted to go. I’ve got hard degrees in shit I never actually cared about, a job I hate that doesn’t pay nearly enough surrounded by backstabbing and petty morons, and nobody to come home to. Never had that special person. I know I’ve put myself on the back burner while being fuckin Superman for people who ain’t deserved that shit.

And I’ve developed some hella unhealthy tendencies with dating apps. Because of how much I’ve overdone, I hardly have the time to seek love organically. Or so I’ve told myself. So I’ve become dependent on dating apps designed to leech and suck you dry — but giving you just enough to keep you coming back asking for more.

And then there’s the shame piece of it. They didn’t tell me what I did. So I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out if I was ever disrespectful or discourteous. I know how annoying it is for a non-member of an in-group to speak on issues specific to that in-group, so I’m not gonna try and convince everybody that I’m the greatest Male ally of all time. I’m not. I may be a Black Man, but I’m still a Man in a patriarchal system. But my shame is telling me I’m just as bad as them Cornell fucking pieces of shit somehow — even though I can confidently say I value a person’s bodily autonomy as much as my own. And my actions back it up. Like, I’m crazy cautious with this sorta stuff, and I’ve never ever continued with somebody if I even felt for a sec that they weren’t enthusiastic! I think its because I’ve been through physical and emotional abuse as a kid. I know what it is to feel powerless and used and discarded by bad people. But what if I made somebody uncomfortable, and they were afraid to tell me and I didn’t pick up on it? What if I helped contribute unwittingly to this hellish environment we all live in right now where women in particular don’t feel safe reporting their abusers? What if I’ve become what I’ve always feared most becoming, He who hurt us all so much? Idk… I’m not sure what I need right now, but I just feel so alone and overwhelmed. I’m sorry guys

thread

Not really sure if this belongs here but I have CPTSD and this has been a part of my healing journey that I’ve had to come to terms with so…

I’ve been in online spaces (even though I’m trying to get off of it) and I’ve seen a big uptick in the psychology attachment literature becoming a pop culture psychology thing, mainly with “avoidant” people being shamed as the only problem or outright abusive.

It bothered me and initially I assumed I was just being sensitive and didn’t like being called out because, I thought, “I was the one who left and behaved coldly” and so I must be the “avoidant problem”. And after talking with my therapist and thinking it over, I’ve come to think that the trend of shaming avoidance or those who leave is deeply tied to the fact that we live in a society that would rather shame victims and protect abusers than the other way around.

For context, I have Autism and CPTSD and that combination (and my own actions) have gotten me into very enmeshed relationships, starting with my parent before also happening in my peer relationships. I would like the entitlement and control these other people had because it would make my life easier — they had rules that I could follow to keep them happy and keep myself safe.

As someone who’s abuser told all of our mutual friends that I was “emotionally unavailable” after leaving bc they’d been abusive and weird coercive stuff with me that doesn’t quite fit SA, I have a really hard time believing that I deserved to leave.

So seeing all this shame online about how people who leave are the problem really a) makes me doubt myself and my decision to leave and b) makes me angry bc I know how fucking hard it is to leave. And I know not every situation is abuse but I know how vulnerable people in those situations are and I know what it’s like to think that the only option out is suicide because leaving the relationship feels like it’s too hard and will only bring more shame from everyone else.

Tldr it bothers me to no end how society is set up to destroy survivors and I think I also hate myself for not being strong enough to fully believe what I know to be true about what I experienced (but I’m slowly getting there)

Anyways thanks for reading this far

My morning run was a bit dazed and dissociative. I cleaned up nice, put a good suit and my favorite watch and my favorite boots to amp up the mood but I feel like I'm sinking back to being too thoughtful of the CSA memories. Is it normal to hit you in your 30s? (I'm 34M from EU). I really feel like I could use a conversation. I'd be grateful for your message.

Not contesting the validity of the concept. Of course, ideally, when all you faced in your family was abuse, neglect, betrayal, you'd want to find friends and a partner who are supportive and constitute a "family of choice".

But for some of us (like me) I doubt this will ever happen. People I connect with are far away because English is my emotional language but I can't see any of them. Besides I'd never, ever be a priority to them because they all have irl, live interactions with family and acquaintances.

Every single day that passes, I try to stay as busy as possible, but then the evening comes and I realize I'm all alone if it wasn't for the screen I'm typing on right now.

And then the SI kicks in. Because why on Earth would I want to stay in this life? I don't matter to people I like. I never did. I'm at best a spare wheel and at worst a huge inconvenience to get rid of. Nothing fills the void. I've spent years and years since college trying to make friends, but it never led anywhere except for a few chats every few days. That's it.

That's not enough to make me stay alive. I did chose the wrong partner who constantly triggers me because they are completely oblivious to my inner world. They never ask how I am, never have emotional talks with me, and are away 4 nights a week. At this point I'd rather be completely alone or even off myself and not have to deal with the feeling of being forsaken and abandoned constantly.

Genuinely how to date with CPTSD. I don’t know how to bring my full self to when dating men, I just fawn and act all sweet. How do I feel safe with men, how do I even clock if a man is safe.

I don’t know what im doing

Complex PTSD

The answer to why I’ve always felt like I never quite fit in.

Why I’ve always scanned the faces of people standing at my bus stop, making sure no one is mocking me.

The fear of making mistakes.

The physical reaction I have when I’m not taken seriously or when someone makes fun of me.

The pressure in my chest when I schedule a more complex task at work.

The pressure in my chest when I plan my children’s sports practices.

The fact that I feel absolutely no sympathy or emotion when my children fall off their bikes and injure themselves badly enough to bleed.

The constant fear of making mistakes and being ridiculed for them.

The sense of meaninglessness I’ve felt for much of my life.

Suicidal thoughts.

The belief that I was worthless.

An inner restlessness I could never quite put my finger on.

The list could probably be much longer.

Raise your children. Set boundaries, with clear consequences when those boundaries are crossed.

C-PTSD: Triggered by prolonged or repeated trauma where escape feels impossible. Examples include:

• Childhood abuse
• Human trafficking
• Domestic violence
• Living in a war zone

Have a nice weekend.

For me, that's proven.

my parents despised me, but they are capable of loving their parents and our dog.

ex did not respect me and abused me instead of showing love, but was very sweet to our friends and his baby brother.

my friends all took the ex's side and don't care about the abuse, clearly capable of loving him and each other

I don't know where I belong here anymore. It feels like in 20+ years I've never known a person who loved me. I was a complete loner in school, and the few connections I have made I was always expendable or unimportant or didn't fully fit in. I feel like there is nothing for me here, only sadness

It felt so normal to me. Then why they would touch me. And make it hurt. I always thought it was normal horse play and stuff. Also because most of my uncles would touch me there. I didn’t realize I was sexually abused until highschool and I learned about it in a psych class.
I was in denial but then one of those uncles was gonna come to life with us and my aunts told their kids “don’t let uncle E touch you there” or “don’t stay alone in the same room as your uncle”
So I guess they always knew it was happening. That it wasn’t actually normal.
So why didn’t they protect me? Was I not worth protecting.
I tried to talk to my sister about my abuse and she called me dramatic and that everyone treated me that way. She basically tried to guilt me.

This is going to sound really weird but i feel like she's too nice to me? Like she believes me without needing proof and she listens to what i say? Is it normal to feel like it's too nice or was i just minimized in the past? Like she doesn't say anything mean or anything she just believes me.

I can't do much about it.
It started with delayed menstrual cycles (cause by intense stress) which then led to pcos.. And then pcos lead to the insulin problems which usually causes diabetes, which I dont currently have becaus I caught it very early on so maybe I can fix it with a diet (although I already eat clean so i don't know what to change about my diet and all). Now my hair is thinning so bad + I discovered a few days ago that my roots are grey : (( I'm only 16 and I don't wanna die. My body feels so weak and I get really bad chest pains with headaches. I really don't wanna die. What do I do???

rant and question

know this could come off as pretentious and i don’t mean it that way, i want to clarify that i don’t see others as less than.

i’ve felt like this for as long as i can remember, i can deconstruct people and predict every word that comes out of their mouth and everything they do. it can be hard to connect with others when i feel like some sort of ai and to be honest i have to stop myself from looking down other people. i have no friends because i find other people grating and performative, i only talk to my boyfriend who feels the same way as me because of his ocd.

psychologists and psychiatrists describe me as hyper aware and highly intelligent, ive only ever been prescribed medications for physical symptoms like tachycardia and sleep, treatments like cbt don’t work on me because i know exactly what’s going on in my brain and therapy feels predictable.

this is probably some sort of intellectualism and proactive defense mechanism and it works because im not affected by rejection, but i can’t turn it off.

i would love to be able to connect with others as this is a very isolating world to live in but it seems impossible. any tips from someone who also experiences this?

is this common in cptsd? do others experience this too?

Found this so helpful to sort all my remembered snippets. Now 44 years are fixed on 200 pages. 30 pages on neglegt, emotional and physical abuse by my parents. So sad.