I’m F29 and my sister is F31. This year my sister gave birth to her first baby, a gorgeous little girl in March. This baby is so loved by everyone in my family there is zero question about that. The issue we are all having currently is with my sister. My sister had some complications with her birth. She had a C-Section which at first went fine but afterwards she had some complications which she needed to go back down to surgery for. My family, my husband and my brother in law were so frightened when it happened and it was probably one of the scariest things we have experienced. She did however recover great and her and baby were perfect afterwards and have been perfect since. Now the issue we are having is any and every time, and I mean EVERY time, I see my sister, she has to mention how she “nearly died” giving birth. The conversation can be nothing to do with birth or children but she will bring it back to that, and the hardest thing is when myself or another person is trying to vent or even just get something that is bothering them out she spins it back to herself and how she “almost died giving birth”. The final straw was last weekend, myself and my husband went to visit my sister and her husband and the baby and my husband was speaking about the anniversary of his friends passing from a car accident that was coming up and he was upset as this was only the first year since it happened and my sister took this as a moment to say, “i completely understand, I mean I almost died giving birth so I know how aweful that must feeling” I snapped and told her, not everything needs to be about your birth story, we get it, you had a traumatic birth but this isn’t about you and we are tired of you using it in every conversation. It went silent for a second and she got upset saying that I didn’t appreciate how I could have lost her. I got very angry and said of course I appreciate it, I was there I was crying but your okay and baby is okay but what is not okay is you dismissing someone else because you think you had it worse. My brother in law then proceeded to tell everyone to relax and we would go get lunch. We did but the rest of the day was quite awkward. AITA for confronting my sister this way or was I right to tell her to stop?

EDIT
This is something my sister is in therapy for and has been since she gave birth. And myself and my family have even been to appointments with her.
This also wasn’t the first time she was talking over someone else’s grief or trauma to bring up her birth complications

So a few weeks back I (36M) deleted my credit card from the Uber Eats account my partner (36F) uses. To cut to the chase the spending was too much. Around £30 a time almost every weekday.

I told her I couldn’t afford to be paying so much every month and would be deleting my card from the account.

Yesterday I got my latest statement and noticed that she had re-added my card and there was a whole bunch of transactions to Uber Eats.

I checked the actual UE account and there’s pretty much McDonald’s orders every day of around £30 going back to the day after I had removed my card.

I’ve told her that I expect to be transferred the entirety in time for the payment to be made on the 20th.

She’s saying I’m being unreasonable and that I can just pay the minimum payment.

For clarity, she works from home, I don’t. So, by the time I get back there’s no packaging/evidence to indicate any deliveries have been made.

Edit/Update : I’ve cancelled all cards, and replacements are being sent to the bank rather than my address. I’ve changed all passwords too and will also be sent new online banking credentials.

Edit 2 : I’ve basically only just found out.
I get everyone saying leave, but it’s not as simple as just up and leaving.

My colleague advised that if she were in my position she’d bag up all her belongings and drop them at her mother’s.

A part of me is considering that. I’ve been sat at work an hour past my finish time trying to work out my next steps.

I posted a few weeks back about her friends/family wanting to hold an intervention, and I’m starting to feel they were right when they said that she’s taking advantage.

UPDATE:
I was absolutely TA and I appreciate your responses. I wrote that, closed my phone, and immediately begin processing everything. I felt wrong for taking it, but I felt disappointment that my kid was being “selfish”.

Huge stop; I know him. I know his heart and his actions and he isn’t at all selfish. So why on earth would I assume that was the reason?

Anyways, I talked to him, apologized, and told him that he is correct, it is his to do with as he pleases. I apologized for acting so high on authority.

Finally, I will say that my daughters had nothing to do with this; Margo didn’t once ask to use his switch specifically. It was fully me, and jumping to an idea without thinking.

Thanks again everyone!

—-original below——

My son Abram (12M) is angry with me for wanting his old switch to be a free-to-use family device now that he has a Switch 2.

Mom and dad play Fortnite with Abram most nights (even if it’s just one game, but it’s what works for us). His sisters Margo (10F) and Mary (7F) watch dad play Xbox. The girls share a switch lite and it works for them well enough, but Margo wants to start playing Fortnite with us.

I would like for Margo to be able to use the Switch 1 so that she can join in. I asked him if it would be okay if other people used his old switch since he won’t be using it. It was in the room with the girls, and I honestly thought it wouldn’t be a big deal; I hadn’t realized that I was expecting a yes until he said no. And then I realized my mistake in asking, instead of simply stating or suggesting, or at least asking him alone.

That being said, he got extremely mad at me. I wanted to understand why, and he just keeps saying because it means so much to me!

Backstory: he bought the switch 1 with his money. He saved and worked side things for ages to get it. That original one eventually stopped charging and we found a replacement one for the same cost it would have been to fix it. So we bought him that as a gift; no repayment required.

He has been saving for a Switch 2 for awhile now and had gotten just over half. For his birthday last week, we surprised him with offering to pay the balance he needed to get the new console. He hasn’t touched his old switch since then.

I do understand the meaning it has to him. He says that I’m not listening and that what he says doesn’t matter. I told him that it does, but I am disappointed in his awareness of the joy it brought him and not wanting to pass that on; and instead letting it rot on a shelf.

AITA for wanting to make a parental choice and say it’s a family device?

Hey everybody. I’m using an old throwaway for this because of the details I need to provide and I’m trying to not cause a big stir at work as it is.

We recently hired someone with a service dog, which is not my complaint. I understand the use of medical aids for disabilities at work, I myself even have an ADA accommodation. I have always been taught to treat service dogs as medical devices, not to distract, touch, or inhibit it from doing its tasks in any way because its purpose is to aid its person.

I have never seen a service dog exhibit the behavior I saw at work. It was whining when not actively being pet, soliciting my coworkers for attention, and begged for food multiple times from people other than its handler. Nobody acknowledged that this was abnormal, and my coworkers were actively petting the dog when it would approach them unsolicited, and the new hire did not discourage this at all. The SD also attempted to wander away from our work station at least twice and jumped into the new hires lap multiple times (it was not alert type of jump, it just wanted to be held and is not a small dog).

I tried to keep an open mind and kept to myself, but I continued to pay attention to the behavior. What set me over the line of thinking about complaining happened when I was eating and speaking to my coworkers, and the SD approached me, placed his head in my lap, and proceeded to beg me for my lunch. When the new hire noticed what it was doing, they yanked on the leash, said “no”and then proceeded to pinch the dog’s ear until it yelped.

I wanted to bring up what tasks the dog performs, since I know that is one of the two legally allowed questions for SDs, but I couldn’t find a way to casually weave it into conversation

If I continue to see this behavior, WIBTAH to make a complaint? I’m not sure what could be done because it is there as part of an ADA accommodation, but the behavior was not conducive for a working environment.

EDIT: As someone with a disability, I do not plan on accusing this person of faking a disability or having a fake service dog. I have a meeting scheduled with a manager in a couple of weeks anyway, have documented the things I have already witnessed, and will bring up the behavior in that meeting unless it gets worse before then.

My first post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ZOKGMbutfu

Hi, I wanted to get some perspective here. We live in the UK, and my husband and I have two kids. My daughter is 10, and very driven, very intelligent, gets raving feedback from her teachers. She tells me she gets done with her work 15 miniutes into the class.

I'm having her sit for 11+ admissions this year for grammar schools. I've been prepping her, she's doing well. These exams are super competitive especially for the best grammar schools, and we are out of catchment for some of them so that makes it even more competitive for us. So naturally I've set up a fairly strict regimen for her, and am pushing her.

My husband thinks I'm not letting her be a child, and will sometimes try to swoop in and tell her its ok just relax. That makes me so angry like I know its ok, she knows its ok, we're just trying our best. She's so talented, and some of these schools are considered a pipeline to Oxbridge. It makes it seem like I'm an evil mother, and I've told him about this in private, and he says I care more about this than she does. But I care about it because I care about her, she's my daughter, I want the best for her. His sister's daughter also goes to my daughter's current school, and she's also been lamenting that her daughter will lose out on her cousin. First, my daughter and her cousin are not bffs, and also why is this supposed to be a factor. But my husband brings this point up in our arguments as well. I feel like I'm being criticized for wanting the best for my girl. AITA?

Update!!!

Her 11+ result came out yesterday and she smashed it out of the park! Her adjusted weighted score is so comfortably above the cutoff for the school we were aiming for. She's so delighted, she's worked so incredibly hard for this, and she was all smiles yesterday. We celebrated as a family yesterday and although there's a year left for when she actual enters grammar school we were just excitedly discussing with her yesterday about what it would be like.

I'm going to chill out from hereon and have faith in the process. I'd spoken to some people and apparently if you clear the threshold, especially the way she did, year 7 at least is a piece of cake. I understand why I got the AH verdict I got last time, and I'm going to let her be a kid more. I understand her workload the past year has been rigorous, and I'm going to step back and trust her to be able to manage herself more, allow her to delve into whatever piques her interest, develop her social life on her terms more. Thank you!

Tl;dr AITAH for not wanting to take my daughter to an out of network optometrist?

My wife (34F) and I (34M) have two daughters. Oldest is six and our youngest is five. My wife has always been really medically protective of our oldest daughter. When she was two we brought her for multiple blood tests because my wife was convinced she was diabetic. She was not. This fear has never transferred to our younger daughter.

Our oldest is in now in first grade. She has complained about seeing two fingers when she moves one finger close to her eyes. This is kind of how eyes work when you move something closer to them so I was not worried about it.

My wife pretty quickly became convinced she has a lazy eye and found a pediatric optometrist for her to see. This optometrist is out of Humana’s network so we have to pay out of pocket and then submit to the insurance gods for whatever reimbursement they see fit.

My wife works pretty stringent hours while I have more flexible hours so medical appointments normally fall on me. No biggie.

So today is the appointment. I get there and the office just seems kind of weird. It’s brand new and there is just me, our daughters, a receptionist and the doctor. No one else was there in the waiting room and there are no glasses on display.

Doctor comes out and is super nice. She then runs our daughter through some tests. At the end she calls me in and says our daughter could benefit from a very slight prescription to help with reading. She said this is honestly optional given how light her prescription is and the glasses should only be worn for close up activities at school.

Everything was honestly normal up to this point. Then it started to feel like a sales pitch. This test was an initial test apparently. The doctor would like to run her through a two hour test to “further evaluate her”. Then she will schedule a one hour meeting with my wife and I to go over the results. Then she will set up and attend an IEP meeting with her school so that the school has to provide her with “reasonable accommodations”.

I think the doctor could see the surprise in my face. This was immediately after telling me she can wear glasses if she wants. Now we are into meeting with the school to get her reading material printed in larger font. None of the costs for these are included in today’s visit.

It was time to check out of the appointment. The receptionist told me the total in an odd way “three four nine ninety nine”. I thought she said $34.99…it was $349.99. I have worn glasses since I was 15 and have gone to at least five eye doctors and have never even had a copay….

We got home and my daughter and I practiced reading for 30 minutes with no issues.

I told my wife it felt like a sales pitch/insurance milking place. AITAH for not wanting to do the rest of the testing and reasonable accommodation meeting.

Edit - I did not receive a copy of the results of the initial test. Just a copy of the prescription they recommended. It’s about 1/4 the strength if the reading portion of my bifocals and my optometrist said I could do without bifocals in my glasses if I wanted to.

For my (30F) birthday we ate dinner at home. It is not my birthday but he is leaving to visit his friends for a wedding on my birthday.

He (30M) made chicken salad which I find weird since I don't really like this and didn't ask for it but whatever. I asked him to put carrots in it and I had some in a container in the fridge. He asked where it was and I said the bottom shelf. He didn't look and just asked me to go get it. I am doing something else and asked him to get it. He said he refused and was obviously frustrated. I asked him why he couldn't do it and he said he doesn't know where it is. It is easy to see if you try.

I told him I didn't want his dinner and went to go study by myself. I guess he wants some big reward for making dinner and hates the idea of me wanting something added to it? We are trying to save money which is why I didn't want to go out. He just acts stubborn and will refuse to do something if I ask him to do a little task and its really irritating.

I (30F) have a friend (31F) who has absolutely awful oral hygiene. She hasn’t been to a dentist since she was a child and still has old silver temporary caps on her back teeth that are now so inflamed her gums are bright red and swollen. She has a ton of hardened plaque built up and her teeth look obviously neglected, yellow and unhealthy. The worst part is her breath is terrible. Like nauseating if you smell it. It’s so bad I sometimes hold my breath if I’m close to her and we’re speaking.

I know that all sounds harsh but it’s the truth and I’ve been struggling with the urge to tell her for years. I feel like a bad friend if I do and bad friend if I don’t. I fear for her health and I also fear that her dating life has been affected by this. She tends to get ghosted quite often and also has just had difficulty finding a good guy and has mentioned she’s not sure what the issue is after going in a few dates that didn’t go anywhere. She wants to settle down with someone and I think there is a good chance that this scares potential partners away.

I have causally mentioned that she should see a dentist since not getting cleanings etc can affect other systems in the body and it’s good to be safe and stay on top of things. I only have mentioned this as we were already somehow on the topic of the dentist like for example if I mentioned I had a dentist appointment or something along those lines. I’ve never outright told her it’s an emergency at this point and anytime I’ve brought up how important it is she kinda just says “yea I know I need to go it’s been years” and then it just stops there. She doesn’t have dental insurance however cleanings and exams in our area are affordable and she can afford it so that’s not the problem. She just doesn’t prioritize it. I think it’s just gotten so bad she may be embarrassed or even scared.

So my question is, AITAH or would I be the asshole if I sit her down and kindly but honestly tell her that her oral hygiene is really bad and Im concerned for her health and how it affects other aspects of her life that she may not realize? I’m really struggling with this but I would want her to tell me if she were in my shoes.

Me (19F) and my friend (18F) are huge fans of a music group. One of the members of that group is releasing a movie/documentary in theaters and we obviously made plans to go watch it together, this is something special to us as we became friends because of this group. In my city there will only be 2 screenings of this movie, one on Wednesday (today) and one on Saturday, we both couldn’t make it on Wednesday so we decided to go on Saturday.

I live with my parents and don’t have a car, my friend doesn’t either so she said she would convince her sister to take us to the movie theater. To make it balanced I would pay for both of our tickets (it’s with my own money, idk if that’s relevant).

I had told my parents a month in advance that I would be going out with my friend that day and that I had the tickets already, they acknowledged it and agreed. Today, my mom told me that I can’t go out on Saturday because I need to take care of my brother (he’s 6). She said that she was asked to do something that day and didn’t want to say no and accepted, so now I have to stay at home.

I take care of him every time they need me to, this has made it impossible for me to have a social life because the times my friends are available to hang out are the times I have to be at home with him. But even with that I don’t mind taking care of my brother, the thing I mind is that I told them in advance that I was busy specifically that day. (Forgot to mention my dad works on Saturday so he can’t stay home to take care of him)

I said no, that my friend had already convinced her sister to take us and that this plan had my friend very excited for days. She (my mom) got really mad and said I was in inconsiderate, childish, and that I’m always so ridiculous about things. This is not the first time they’ve forced me to cancel plans, I’m sick of it and it’s why I told them in advance. I don’t want to be known as the friend who always cancels plans because that’s what I perceive as inconsiderate. But I do feel that since I live in their house, they have a valid reason to ask me for favors. So AITA for saying no?

Throwaway because people know my main.
I (27F) recently went to Portugal with my boyfriend (32M) around my birthday. We split the flights and accommodation, and I paid for my visa, rental car, fuel, food, activities and other expenses. I wasn’t expecting him to fund my birthday or the trip.
The day before my birthday, we were at a tourist attraction with a cobbled slope. I had an injured foot and was walking slowly. A woman was taking a photo on the other side of the slope. My boyfriend tried to rush me down the slope because he thought we were in her way. She hadn’t asked us to move, and I didn’t think we were even in her photo.
I asked him, in a raised voice, “Please don’t push me.”
He said I embarrassed him in public and was inconsiderate of other people.
Things stayed tense afterwards. The next day was my birthday, and we spent about six hours sitting beside each other on a bus. He spoke to me about mundane things like water and leftover food but didn’t wish me happy birthday once.
After we arrived, we argued again. Eventually I asked him when he was planning to wish me. He gave me a very cold “Happy birthday.” I felt like crying.
The following day, after things had calmed down, he suggested we go for my birthday dinner.
I got dressed and was ready to leave, but wanted to take a few photos first. On my previous birthday, he’d told me he wouldn’t take photos of me at a restaurant because he doesn’t like taking pictures, so this time I took three selfies myself. It took less than a minute.
He became irritated that I was making him wait. Then I said I needed to grab a jacket.
He got angry, walked out on me and left me there.
I ended up changing back into my clothes and getting into bed.
Since we’ve returned, he keeps telling me I ruined my own birthday.
For context, he had always wanted to do one trip abroad a year, but his social commitments kept postponing it. Eventually this trip was arranged around my birthday. He says I should be happy that he took me abroad for my birthday.
My friend says the same thing, that I should be grateful he went on the trip with me.
But I don’t feel like I asked for anything unreasonable. I didn’t need an expensive gift. I didn’t expect him to pay for the holiday. I just wanted him to acknowledge my birthday and actually celebrate it with me.
AITA for thinking his behaviour ruined my birthday rather than me ruining it myself?

To keep context brief: my dad is turning 60 and he hates having too much stuff so when we as a family get him gifts, we (me, mom, brother) look together and collectively buy him 1 gift. He loves it! 2 gifts a year from his favorite people, what more could a man want?

Since it's his 60th we wanted to get him something special. He loves collecting figurines so we thought about getting him a custom made figurine of him and the dog (his favorite child). Unfortunately getting a high quality custom commission like that is expensive whether it's 3d printed or hand sculpted and financially this wasn't a very good year for any of us.

My mom ended up finding something on Facebook and showed it to me. Right away I knew it was fake because the "product photos" were generated with ai. They also advertised having a quick turnaround time which to her is enticing but to me seems fishy because even if it's sculpted in Blender, it still takes time (plus there's sanding and painting to think about). Even after my explanation she went ahead and showed my brother. I refused to put my money towards that so I went ahead and commissioned my friend to turn my dad and dog into a hero for a game he really likes (something I had suggested last month). I told my mom what I was doing and she's now pretty upset that I just spent $50 + a few favors for my friend on a digital drawing.

She's upset because I went over her head but I feel justified because at least my dad is going to get a gift. For all we know they might just send her an ai generated thing of my dad and dog slapped onto some acrylic back. I feel bad honestly. I don't like going around her like this but I know this is an important year for my dad and I don't want him to not get a gift from us because my mom is getting scammed. And her and my brother can take credit if they want. I'll let them take credit without paying me a cent because I don't care about that right now. I just want my dad to get a thoughtful and high quality gift.

I’m struggling with this one. We were leaving town after a wedding, we’d left the hotel late and grabbed a bowl of bacon on the way out. As we were driving down the frontage road, about to merge onto the highway I saw a fluffy dog running TOWARDS oncoming traffic. I pulled off and used my bacon to get him closer… I just reacted. He was matted pretty bad and a bit skinny, but very friendly. No collar, and the only person kind of close said they had no idea who the little guy was. I had an 8 hour drive ahead of me, thought he had been out there for a long time given his state so I wrapped him up and took him with me and my other two dogs.

Once I got home I went straight to the vet, and had them check for a chip. He had none. We agreed I’d take care of the matting then have him fully check out (that’s coming tomorrow his coat was in baaaad shape) Made a post in the area I found him, then called my local shelter. They couldn’t take him in but I was told to keep looking for his owner and to make sure I got verifiable proof if someone came forward.

I did find his family, and they are pissed I took him all the way home. Arrangements have been made for someone to pick him up, and I’ve gotten some proof that he’s theirs. But no recent vet records, only one from years ago…and the longer I’ve had him the worse I realize his condition is. The matting could not have happened within the “day” or so he got out. He’s got critters living on him that would have needed months to get to point they’re in.. I’m torn. I can’t really have another pet, but what if I don’t have a choice? EDIT: What I mean is, what if no one comes to pick him up? And another big issue for me is just the state he is in vs what they’re saying happened. I would not just refuse to give him back-just struggling if I should involve the authorities or Animal Welfare.

AITA for not allowing my BIL's girlfriend to hold my newborn?

We got in an argument three months ago over me enforcing boundaries with my MIL. BIL's GF didn't want us to do that at all and ignored me till my partner let the family know our kid was born. She messaged right away but I was actively learning how to walk again so I left her on read and responded later that day. She didn't like that and sent another text asking me what my problem was and trying to restart the argument we had in June.

I didn't open that message till we got home a few days later and I said I wasn't mad and I had already let the past go. She responded at midnight while I was trying to put my newborn to sleep trying to continue the argument. I will admit I wasn't the nicest and called her selfish for bringing all this stuff up as soon as I had my kid. I also said the way the conversation was moving wasn't healthy and we could try talking later. She then said I was being selfish and blocked me on all social media.

She's coming to town soon but we won't be letting her hold our baby with the way she treated me right after I gave birth. I haven't cut her off or limited contact in any way I just don't want her holding my newborn with the timing of everything does that make me TA?

Adding content: The argument was about my MIL talking about my medical history with family. I wasn't there but GF was involved in that conversation and let me know about it. My husband and I reminded his mom that that was a boundary we set. GF got mad that we did that because she thought MIL would get mad at her for it and argued with me till she decided to ignore me.

Me (30F) and my husband (33M) have a 1 year old daughter. Ever since she was 3 months old, my mom and his mom have been babysitting her while we work. My mom gets her 1 day a week, and his mom the other 4. His mom is 66 and is retired, so she has the bandwidth to watch her. She also live 10 minutes from where I work, and it’s on the way to/from work. We pay her monthly to watch her, and she depends on our income.
My mom is a full-time nurse, and I have two younger siblings that have appointments and sports. My mom only gets 2 days off during the week and books her days off full of things and outings. She also lives 25 minutes in the opposite direction of where I work. I feel like it’s an inconvenience for her to watch my daughter on her one free day a week.

We were going to put my daughter in daycare, and got approved for a spot in the next week. We were going to do this for the convenience of having her at the same place everyday. Also, if something comes up and my mom isn’t available, we don’t have to worry about a backup plan.
My mother in law cried thinking about not spending her days with our daughter, and also said she’d have to find a part-time job. We don’t want her to have to do that.

I don’t really want to keep driving to my parents house to drop her off. Yes it’s only one day a week but it burns more gas and takes a lot more time. My MIL will watch her full-time.

The problem is, my parents will find a way to make this about them. They will say we are trying to keep her from them. The one day a week they watch her is the only time they see her, besides family functions.

How do I broach this without seeming like they did something wrong??

TLDR; I don’t want to keep taking my daughter to my mom one day a week but I don’t want to seem like I am trying to keep her from them.

I 19M just started uni and I met this really nice guy who I'll call Jason (not his real name) for the sake of the story. I met him recently and we became friends pretty easily due to shared interest, however, one day we were just talking and I can't remember exactly what I said, but he told me I was appropriating AAVE. For context, he is black and I am Vietnamese. I didn't take it seriously at first and laughed it off and said it's just how I grew up talking in CA. He got offended and said it is racist, so I apologized and told him I'd be more careful with my language from now on. We both moved on from the incident, and a couple days later he was in my dorm hanging out. The summer before I had been home to Vietnam and brought back a traditional straw hat. Jason put the straw hat on and started speaking in an exaggerated Viet accent. I told him he's being racist and I find it disrespectful to my culture. He told me it's a joke and I was getting offended for no reason. I responded by reminding him that he earlier he had got upset with me for appropriating his culture. He told me it is different because black people were "actually" oppressed. I understand black people have historically been mistreated, and it also occurred way more recently in the states, but I do not think it excuses blatantly mocking my culture to my face, and then being a hypocrite. Now, he won't talk to me and he is one of the only friends I have made at uni so far, and I want to know if I really messed up.

​I (21F) live abroad working as a volunteer. Because I live in a country with a stronger currency, people back home assume I’m doing fine financially. The reality is, I am on a tiny volunteer stipend and barely scraping by myself. ​Every month, I am expected to send money to my older sister (48). People tell me I shouldn't, but her situation is heavy: she’s in massive debt, dealing with severe anxiety, chronic stress, and depression, and raising two kids—one of whom belonged to our middle sister who passed away. ​What makes this even harder is the history between us. When I was the one struggling and completely broke, she couldn't give me much financial support either. She did provide canned food and noodles to make sure I ate, and I appreciate that—which makes feeling this way so much harder and full of guilt. But I never received real monetary help from her when I was down. ​Now, I'm constantly expected to send her money. Recently, she sent me a text that terrified me—she mentioned that she understands why people take their own lives because things are so difficult. It scared me out of my mind, but it also made me realize how trapped and exhausted I feel in this dynamic. ​I’m trying to save up, build a future, and get my own life started. Wanting to stop sending her money isn't because of what she texted, but because the constant financial pressure is draining me and preventing me from ever building a foundation for myself. ​Am I selfish for wanting to stop sending money and focus on my own future, even though she helped me with food in the past and is going through so much right now?

I (30F) may have started some church drama, and I have mixed feelings about my motives.

My grandparents have attended this church for 50+ years; my late grandfather is even buried on-site. For decades, my grandma "Carol" has volunteered to run their commercial kitchen. She keeps an immaculate record and has a great rapport with the health department.

Enter the new pastor, "Chad." He cares far more about personal PR than his congregation. Chad recently launched a community meal program without congregation buy-in, partnering with an outside group that brought German cockroaches into the commercial kitchen.

Instead of addressing it, Chad allegedly instructed church staff to keep quiet, specifically hiding it from Carol. When Carol eventually walked in and discovered roaches crawling around, she confronted the church office. The bookkeeper admitted they were told to hide it from her. Chad was standing right there, said nothing, turned around, and walked away.

Carol was devastated and humiliated after decades of service. I live out of state, but hearing this made me livid. I filed an anonymous report with the local health department. I wanted them to inspect for legitimate safety reasons, but if I’m honest, I also wanted Chad held accountable and knocked down a peg for concealing a health hazard to protect his ego.

Inspectors showed up while volunteers were actively cooking. They initially halted operations and called in a supervisor. However, because traps had been laid and an exterminator was scheduled, the supervisor astonishingly cleared them to continue serving dinner out of that infested kitchen.

My family found out I called. My mom thinks I was reckless and overstepped from afar, arguing that an official inspection could permanently ruin the kitchen’s reputation, harming the very legacy Carol spent 50 years building, and that church issues should be handled internally. She said my anger at Chad clouded my judgment and that weaponizing a regulatory agency out of spite wasn't my place.

I’m torn. Part of me knows feeding the public near an active roach infestation is a genuine health hazard that needed outside intervention. But another part admits my motive wasn't purely civic duty.. there was definitely petty revenge involved to expose Chad's cover-up.

AITAH for reporting the church kitchen to the health department?

I (30F) was asked last minute by my aunt (58F) to pick her up from the airport at 1 am in another state. She texted me several hours before. The situation was out of her control as flights were delayed and there were no rental cars available. She did offer to pay me $75 to pick her up. After doing some calculations, $75 seemed a little low considering it would be at least 140 miles round trip, tolls for 2 major bridges, and tolls on a thruway. Plus it's in the middle of the night and I will be losing several hours of sleep. I asked her if $100 was ok. She agreed and I picked her up. A week or so later she invited my mom over to her house and she started talking about me and how it was out of line to ask her for extra money. She said that's not how you treat family. My mom later told me this and I feel blindsided. I didn't think an extra $25 would be an issue since it was a big favor to ask last minute. My aunt also is financially well off and could afford taking an Uber or staying over night in a hotel and finding a solution in the morning. So am I the asshole?

My (27f) bf (26m) and I went to a wedding for one of his friends back in August. The morning after the wedding, a bunch of us went out to eat and one friend, not the groom, put it on his card and people Venmoed. My meal was maybe $15.

Later that day, my boyfriend asked if I paid the friend back yet. I said no because he owes me money anyway so I figured it would be a wash.

Fast forward to today, my boyfriend owes me money for groceries and a few other things we split. I asked if he could pay me, and he said he would but he would take out the amount for the breakfast from the summer?? I was super confused. For context, this friend who paid for breakfast never paid me $75 for a hotel room I booked for a bunch of people a year ago. Plus this wedding was for my boyfriend’s friend, not mine, so I figured he could just cover my breakfast?? I explained this to him and he did not understand my logic. I asked why he isn’t on his friend about paying me back for the hotel I booked and he said to drop that, it’s a year ago.

Another point I brought up is that whenever we go to a wedding for one of his friends or family, I end up spending more bc he always forgets a gift and I scramble to buy a card. Super frustrating.

I got pretty upset but I still refuse to pay. AITAH?

There is an older lady who lives directly above me (I’d say approximately 70ish years old).

Whenever I move into a new apartment, I always introduce myself to my neighbors as a courtesy. When I introduced myself to her, the first thing she told me was to “lay off the smoking” because she “can smell it coming up from my apartment”. The only problem is I don’t and have never smoked once in my life. I told her I don’t smoke and she said “oh ok” and slammed the door in my face.

Fast forward a couple of months and we see each other while taking out the trash and she goes, “So you were lying about not smoking.” To which I responded, “no ma’am I was not.” She continued to accuse me of lying for the next couple minutes before I told her I needed to get to work.

We do not live in a smoke free campus and weed is legal in this state.

Anyway, I reported her for harassment and submitted a written complaint.

I \[33f\] recently had to let my SIL \[37f\] know that her friends are disrespectful to my parents and myself when they come to my parents house.

My SIL used to be so cool. Shes become very off the wall as the years have passed. She invites her friends over who all bring their kids (at one time including my 3 nephews there will be about 15 kids total) to swim. The kids ages range from 4-10 years old.

My SIL and brother use my parents for their pool during my nephews bday parties. When their friends come over, they walk in the door without saying a word, give me and my other SIL dirty looks and make themselves at home. My mom has one rule- no wet kids in the house. This is for a multitude of reasons. One being my mom has bad knees with severe arthritis and if she falls, it will be bad. Another reason is she was just recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and went through 2 surgeries within the past 2 months. Third reason is she and my dad remodeled the home and these kids have been found sitting inside breaking things and leaving puddles. All they ask is for their home to be respected.

All parents have been asked to mind their kids and to not allow them inside when wet. They do not listen. I typically stay inside during the parties due to not liking the friends and other personal reasons so I continuously catch the kids inside leaving trails of water everywhere they go. My mom also happened to catch a kid inside on the couch, and when my mom said “nope go back outside you’re wet” the kid said “no my mom said I can be in here”. Mind you… the moms are sitting by the pool drinking while their kids are unattended.

I asked my SIL prior to the party to let her friends know I am asking them to respect my parents home and follow simple rules of not allowing their wet kids to come into the house. I let her know if they do not respect what I’ve asked, and if my mom falls because of their disrespect, I will ask her friends to leave.

She blew up and became extremely angry stating her friends are not disrespectful, she can’t believe what I just said and that she will no longer come to our home. This in turn upset my parents who yelled at me, because she is punishing them instead of understanding what I’ve asked and just letting her friends know.

My mom is delicate. She means the world to me. My parents are non confrontational so I chose to finally step up and let her know all three of our frustrations. It’s just weird she chose to take it that way.

AITAH for speaking up?

I went camping over the weekend at a KOA. I rented a camping cabin as my camper is now in storage for the winter. Some people I used to go camping with were at the same campground, they used to be in the same camping group I am in but left due to misunderstandings and conflicts with other group members. Three of the people I am still on somewhat friendly terms with (left due to misunderstanding) but the other one who is elderly I have issues with (wore out her welcome with the group). I didn't know they were going to be there until I arrived.

I talked to them a little bit Friday night when I got there, Saturday morning I went into town to do some shopping and sightseeing. Got back early evening cooked some supper on the grill and chilled out in the cabin watching movies.

About 10 pm got a knock on the door, it was one of my "friends" asking me if I could let one if the campers stay in my cabin as the furnace in her camper went out. The one who owns the camper is the one who left my camping group because she wore out her welcome.

I said no I'm not letting her stay in my cabin as I don't know the other person and the one I do know burned her bridges with me so why should I help her. The temp was in the lower 40s but of course RVs aren't the best insulated. My friend wasn't happy about it, I said they are camping with you not me so you deal with it.

So AITA for not letting an 80 year old woman who is in a wheelchair with diabetes stay in my cabin. The 80 year old would expect me to babysit her and take her to the restroom, she also likes to stay up all night while I am trying to sleep. She has diabetic sores, has to use a scooter to get around.

Hey everyone, first time Reddit user here but long time AITA story reader/listener on podcasts!

Last weekend while I was at a work related event, my boss’s husband (Jake, all fake names) took my truck and used it for a short work related errand but did not ask my express permission. I have historically allowed for this to happen with my permission as I manage a farm and I’m often allowed to borrow their trucks and horse trailers so as a courtesy was cool with them using mine on occasion. In this situation, I’ve been having issues with my truck and need to take it to the shop so I’ve not been driving it (Jake and Mel were not aware of this.)

Upon finding out I was very upset, I find that a hard boundary of mine was crossed that nobody in the situation asked my permission specifically, I don’t have a ton of money and I was already stressed about dealing with the repairs. When I found out I spoke to Jake in person, he was short with me and deflected and blamed my bosses Mel (his wife) and Laura (sister of Mel). I was with Laura all day, she was the only one aware of my car troubles, and says she did not give anyone express permission to take my truck, and was the only one who apologized and offered to help with repairs in any way she could. I found that above and beyond as all I was looking for was an apology and acknowledgement of my boundary.

I sent the below text to Mel after my talk with Jake- “If you told Jake to take my truck to get straw, I don’t appreciate my truck being taken en without my permission. It is broken and needs to go to the shop and it was driven without my knowledge today. That was a major overstep, and I am very upset. When I talked to Jake, he did not apologize. He got short with me. I will be keeping my keys inside my apartment from now on.”
Her response was- “I didn’t, Laura did”

Several days later she texts- “Would you like an opportunity to discuss your Sunday text or are you comfortable letting the tone stand for itself”
I approached her and said I was happy to have a conversation about the situation. I expressed my disappointment and why I feel that this was a major overstep, and that I would have loved an apology and was only met with people angry at me for being upset about this. She did not only not apologize, she said “This isn’t the first time I’ve received a text from you with this tone but it will be the last.”
So am I the asshole here? A part of me is wondering if I should’ve taken a more professional tone and the other part of me is still baffled that my personal vehicle was used without my permission and that the person who used it hasn’t so much as offered an apology.

TIA for reading and responses.