r/AmItheAsshole • u/UncleJagg • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for not letting someone stay in my camping cabin when the heat in their camper went out
I went camping over the weekend at a KOA. I rented a camping cabin as my camper is now in storage for the winter. Some people I used to go camping with were at the same campground, they used to be in the same camping group I am in but left due to misunderstandings and conflicts with other group members. Three of the people I am still on somewhat friendly terms with (left due to misunderstanding) but the other one who is elderly I have issues with (wore out her welcome with the group). I didn't know they were going to be there until I arrived.
I talked to them a little bit Friday night when I got there, Saturday morning I went into town to do some shopping and sightseeing. Got back early evening cooked some supper on the grill and chilled out in the cabin watching movies.
About 10 pm got a knock on the door, it was one of my "friends" asking me if I could let one if the campers stay in my cabin as the furnace in her camper went out. The one who owns the camper is the one who left my camping group because she wore out her welcome.
I said no I'm not letting her stay in my cabin as I don't know the other person and the one I do know burned her bridges with me so why should I help her. The temp was in the lower 40s but of course RVs aren't the best insulated. My friend wasn't happy about it, I said they are camping with you not me so you deal with it.
So AITA for not letting an 80 year old woman who is in a wheelchair with diabetes stay in my cabin. The 80 year old would expect me to babysit her and take her to the restroom, she also likes to stay up all night while I am trying to sleep. She has diabetic sores, has to use a scooter to get around.
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u/Independent-Lie-9967 1d ago
NTA that is a weird request.
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u/Alternative-Pear9096 1d ago
It is a request from someone who really didn't want to share a camper with the problem person
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u/Independent-Lie-9967 1d ago
Its strange to expect someone to toilet and care for an elderly person, with open sores etc. unprepared.
This is unsafe for the OP and for the 80 yr old who is a vulnerable individual.
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
That someone thought it would be easier for the problem person to stay in my cabin as there no steps to maneuver. On her camper she has a ramp for the scooter/wheelchair.
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u/Living-Support1899 1d ago
Yeah...then the old biddy can rent herself a cabin.
(It's ok, I'm also an old biddy)
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u/Mrs_Weaver Partassipant [1] 1d ago
How was someone in a wheelchair getting in and out of a camper?
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
She had someone helping her. I agree she should not be camping but she is a stubborn old fool.
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u/jmurphy42 1d ago
I’d have seriously considered a call to Adult Protective Services.
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u/SherbetDue789 Partassipant [1] 14h ago
If she has someone caring for her APS might not be able to do anything. A disabled person camping in an RV that’s adapted to their needs with someone there to help her isn’t abuse or neglect.
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u/wiggum_x 1d ago
By doing what she's doing to OP: making it everyone else's problem.
"Someone needs to help me into the RV! I need to go to the restroom and someone needs to help me! Someone needs to let me in a cabin because I'm cold! I'm old and disabled, and don't forget it!"
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u/nipseyrussellyo 9h ago
This is called creating a negative externality, where you impose costs on an uninvolved party. Like a factory polluting.
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u/nopeduck Partassipant [2] 1d ago
I got stuck here too.
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u/kaijutegu Partassipant [4] 1d ago
They make ramps specifically for campers. If she's in a power chair, it'd be pretty easy since she wouldn't have to push herself. The RV industry knows who their majority market share is and how old they are- you'd be surprised how many workarounds there are for mobility devices.
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u/TheSamZzz 1d ago
Getting in and moving around inside the camper are two different things. Those power chairs are BIG and rooms, doorways and hallways in campers are famously small.
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u/SherbetDue789 Partassipant [1] 14h ago
You’re thinking of a regular RV, not one that was designed or retrofitted to be used by disabled people. Something like this would be fine.
https://rvproperty.com/ad/2023-winnebago-inspire-34ae-basically-new
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u/Dazzling-Leek8321 1d ago
That was my first thought! Like how in the world does she get in/out of a camper??
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u/shadowimage 1d ago
Oh HELL NO! She can get a motel or something. Not your monkey, or circus. Also that last paragraph is a straight up horror story.
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u/PartyCustard3125 1d ago edited 13h ago
A horror story indeed. If you are not my family or a job I applied for because I wanted the job then I ain't wiping your ass or staying up all night waiting on you hand and foot. Period! Hell to the no.
OP is NTA at all but they are for even asking and trying to ruin OP's holiday.
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u/honeyashtray 23h ago
No way I’d be taking that on either, letting someone stay over can turn into a lot more responsibility than just giving them a place to sleep, and her friend had no right to put her in that position
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u/blurblurblahblah 20h ago
Am I the asshole for thinking about Franklin in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
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u/Glittering-Park4500 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. I've had the windows open in my house when the temps are that low. Bundle up with blankets. It's the friend's job to take care of the folks she invited to go camping.
But also, I'm confused about an 80 yo with diabetic sores who is stuck in a scooter camping at all.
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u/capt-bob 1d ago
Ok I'd probably want to go if I wasn't causing trouble. Id bring enough blankets though. My friend tried to bring his dad with an oxygen machine, dc converter, and backup tanks once because they wanted to do it together. The old lady just wanted to go I guess.
I went hiking alone with a walking stick and a slight limp once, and a fat rando standing at the park when I was done said why don't you just stay home? I thought why don't you stay home if you can't handle seeing someone with a walking stick.
Good thing I didn't have a splinter, they'd probably recommend euthenasia.
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u/Adorable_Society6883 1d ago
The ask reached OP through a go-between at 10 pm. The people who needed the bed never came to the door themselves, so the first time OP heard the request was as a favor to a friend, with a stranger’s night of care already attached. A direct question at 6 pm would have been a different conversation. A 10 pm knock just handed the problem to whoever answered.
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u/missjulie622 1d ago
NTA, good job not caving to their pressure. What if you hadn’t been there at all? They should’ve been better prepared, especially camping whilst handicapped, vulnerable & dependent on others.
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u/Adorable_Society6883 1d ago
If OP had stayed in town that night, they would have had to solve it themselves, and they would have. The only reason it became his problem was that his cabin light was on.
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u/Alternative-Pear9096 1d ago
NTA. I honestly have nothing further to add. Your vacation, your trip, your money, your planning, your choice for company.
You nailed it with "I said they are camping with you not me so you deal with it."
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u/Tribute2sketch 1d ago
Nta - unfortunately the last decade has made people believe they can behave badly and others will still help them. I am also done helping assholes. The golden rule is now almost my motto, "treat people how you want to be treated". If this person doesn't show kindness, gratitude and takes advantage of people then this is just their karma.
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u/mycatpartyhouse 1d ago
If she's camping, she needs to be prepared for everything. Backups and all that.
If the heat fails, drive to the nearest motel.
Wheelchair, diabetes, etc doesn't matter. She's responsible for herself.
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u/ManiacalShen 1d ago
NTA. Why would she want some unqualified stranger taking her to the bathroom? Her and her care buddy should have gone to a motel.
But also, it's not like they're laying on the cold ground. Is it not customary to have sleeping bags or other bedding suitable for the weather in an RV? Genuinely asking because I did not know they had overnight furnaces.
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u/HerfDog58 1d ago
Where I live, it's October, and it gets into the 40s at night. If people go camping this time of year, they need to make sure the heating system in the RV is functioning properly. If they don't, they can shut up and deal.
NTA.
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u/lunacat2345 1d ago
Low 40s is not even that cold. A few blankets in their camper and she should be fine.
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u/jess-in-thyme 1d ago
Probably not for an 80yo infirmed woman. Still NTA. She can go home.
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u/Living-Support1899 1d ago
She should have cold weather sleeping bags. If she insists on camping, she needs to prepare. An RV furnace is not like a house furnace...it's not as dependable. Pack for camping like you might have to sleep outside.
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u/Glad-Isopod5718 22h ago
Yeah, I'm reading through this whole thread, looking for any trace of an explanation of why these people didn't just go home. Or to a motel, if it's too far of a drive. I do not buy that OP's cabin was the only warm place for this elderly, unwell woman to sleep.
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u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
NTA it's craziness they even came to you with their dilemma tbh
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u/Alleandros 1d ago
Why couldn't she stay with one of the other 3 people she was camping with?
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
They thought the cabin would be easier for her to get in and out no steps of and the cabin beds would be more comfy. I had two beds in the cabin which was a one room.
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u/wiggum_x 1d ago
She sounds like the type that would expect you to go sleep in her cold camper so she could have some privacy. "It's indecent that you want to stay in the cabin WITH me! Pervert!"
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u/UncleJagg 15h ago edited 15h ago
In regards to not loaning her a heater, that's another issue I have with her, loaning her things and she not returning them. When she used to camp with me and my group she was always borrowing tools, accessories, equipment and not returning them. I loaned her an extension cord once never got it back. Not going through that bullshit again.
This woman is a real piece of work. All the stunts she pulled while camping deserves it's own AITA post.
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u/Adventurous-Ebb-6542 1d ago
Why is this mobility-challenged person on a camping trip?
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
Because she is a narcissistic stubborn old fart who doesn't listen to anyone. Her family has tried to get her to quit camping and traveling and her response was "life is too short, I'm not gonna sit at home and wait to die."
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u/Adventurous-Ebb-6542 1d ago
Then she needs to be the responsibility of those that brought her. Enjoy the cozy cabin and movies
Edit verdict: NTA
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u/YourLocalMosquito 1d ago
What does “wore out their welcome” mean?
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
When she used to camp with my group she was always needy...needing this or that fixed in her camper, needing a ride into town so she could go shopping or sightseeing this was when she had a class C camper. Then when she got travel trailer she needed help getting her camper backed in, needing to get unhitched and hitched. The more we helped her the more demanding she got. Eventually we stopped helping her and she got really mean gossiping and spreading rumors about group members, being crabby and irritable. When we told her her behavior was no longer going to be tolerated she stopped camping with us. If you are going to own a camper you need to learn how to manage and take care of it. And learn how to hitch and unhitch. One in a while help is fine but she really abused it.
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u/lmholot1981 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago
Yeah I would have noped right out of that, even without the medical drama. I have no interest in anything that isn’t close to a hotel room, but I do know that it can be a huge pain to maneuver a setup like that and do whatever it is to hitch and unhitch.
It’s like the people who take up 2-3 spaces at a store or parking garage with their giant truck, or can’t make a turn and stay in their lane with their giant SUV. If you can’t drive and park it, get a Honda Civic and stop endangering and inconveniencing everyone else.
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u/YourLocalMosquito 1d ago
Gotcha! It’s not a phrase I’m familiar with. She sounds like a royal pain!!!
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u/ManiacalShen 1d ago
It usually means someone is unlikeable and demanding. You might accommodate misunderstandings or inconveniences surrounding a new person for a bit, but if they're always late, picking fights, never figured out how to address their own basic needs in a hobby, whatever--you run out of patience for their bullshit.
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u/Benocrates Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Pretty sure they know what the phrase means lol. They're asking for specifics.
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u/ManiacalShen 1d ago
Reddit has lots of people for whom English is a second language and lots of young people who have random gaps in their colloquialism knowledge, so you never know!
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u/Happy_Confection90 1d ago
All that plus we ourselves as posters are often unaware that some of the things we say are regionalisms that people from other regions are completely unfamiliar with, so we just expect others to know what we're talking about. For example, just pre-internet, I learned in my late teens that people in the rest of the country don't use wicked as a synonym for really/very and some don't say they're "all set" when they don't need anything.
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u/Odd_Information3581 1d ago
ummm.... Is this real? I have had auto immune issues forever. Part of the issues I had were temperature sensitivity. I haven't been camping in forever because I don't have the stamina, the temperature resistance, the discomfort tolerance to be able to sleep in a rough situation. I sent my hubby and sons out camping all the time but everybody knew Mom wasn't going to be able to hack it. What on earth is an 80 year old woman with severe diabetes and a wheelchair doing trying to go roughing it? I'm completely puzzled how she could plan to enjoy a camping situation even in a camper because of the mobility issues. Open sores that could be infected, her age, her mobility, temperature issues..... Because I worry about her...a little bit of a jerk but NTA.
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u/lmholot1981 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago
Based on the other information OP provided, she chooses to do this and bullies people into taking care of her. Absolutely not. If she’s dumb enough to put herself in a situation like that, along with burning bridges with others, she can figure out a way to stay warm or pack up and go home.
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
Because she is a narcissistic stubborn old fart who doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself and has a huge sense of entitlement.
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u/Ok-Dealer4350 1d ago
They can all go to a hotel if the heater went out. I’m not in the best of health but it is surprising that an 80 year old with diabetic sores is out camping, unless the tv is her home. She could have gone to Walmart and bought a space heater.
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u/Vegetable-Trash-9312 1d ago
NTA 80 year olds in that condition shouldn’t go in the wilderness. It’s their groups responsibility to get under control. Good day, use a credit card and get a room.
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u/ColoradoEstatePlans 1d ago
Camping cabins are small. NTA for choosing not to share that intimate space with someone/
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u/Grrrmudgin Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Who goes camping without being prepared? Sounds like the ol bitty wanted a cabin without paying. What would they have done if you weren’t there? Did they ask any other cabins? NTA
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u/SquidProBono 1d ago
NTA. Camping is about adventure and being prepared. Sounds like she wasn’t prepared for the adventure. Either bundle up and deal with it, or pack up and head home. I’ve had to end a trip early because of weather. It sucks, but that’s life.
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u/LeftSky828 1d ago
They caused the problem, not you, and if they’re so concerned with her health, why wouldn’t they have a place for her? Sounds like they were pawning her off to you.
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u/bionic86 1d ago
NTA, The way this is phrased almost seems to imply that the woman could have died. That's not the case. She or someone else could have helped her leave. If she stayed, obviously it was just a bit uncomfortable.
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u/princessdickworth 1d ago
I think it was time for them to pack up and go home once the heat went out. NTA.
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u/ladysuccubus 1d ago
If you’re elderly and unable to live alone, WHY would you go camping while it’s cold? NTA. That’s just poor planning.
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u/nauticalfiesta Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA
They'd never leave. The cabin owner can put her up in a hotel for a couple nights until they get the heater fixed.
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u/pastelfennecfox 22h ago
Naw that’s her own damn fault. She probably didn’t even have a issue eoth the heat she probably saw you had a cabin and wanted to take advantage of you
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u/TinkB0523 21h ago
That what NorthFace sleeping bags are for, we have them when we camp and they are comfy cozy.
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u/zardoz73 20h ago
If you're camping in cool weather, even in an RV, you need to pack some wool or down blankets. Then a power outage won't be a problem. A good down comforter will keep you warm even if it gets below zero.
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u/blurblurblahblah 20h ago
NTA - if she was chilly her friends should have taken her into town to get a h/motel room for the night or driven her home.
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u/Root-magic 20h ago
NTA, the beauty of owning a Recreational VEHICLE, is that they are MOBILE. They should have driven the 80 year old to the nearest hotel or motel
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u/Substantial-You8282 18h ago
why is an 80 year old diabetic who needs assistance getting around camping
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u/Choice_Round4119 14h ago
NTA. She put herself in a really bad situation. She's medically fragile, and should have had a backup in case of common problems. You did not drag an 80yr old diabetic woman with sores into the woods.
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u/Finn_704 1d ago
She could just go home, unless that is her home. In that case, poor planning on her part is not your problem.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I went camping over the weekend at a KOA. I rented a camping cabin as my camper is now in storage for the winter. Some people I used to go camping with were at the same campground, they used to be in the same camping group I am in but left due to misunderstandings and conflicts with other group members. Three of the people I am still on somewhat friendly terms with (left due to misunderstanding) but the other one who is elderly I have issues with (wore out her welcome with the group). I didn't know they were going to be there until I arrived.
I talked to them a little bit Friday night when I got there, Saturday morning I went into town to do some shopping and sightseeing. Got back early evening cooked some supper on the grill and chilled out in the cabin watching movies.
About 10 pm got a knock on the door, it was one of my "friends" asking me if I could let one if the campers stay in my cabin as the furnace in her camper went out. The one who owns the camper is the one who left my camping group because she wore out her welcome.
I said no I'm not letting her stay in my cabin as I don't know the other person and the one I do know burned her bridges with me so why should I help her. The temp was in the lower 40s but of course RVs aren't the best insulated. My friend wasn't happy about it, I said they are camping with you not me so you deal with it.
So AITA for not letting an 80 year old woman who is in a wheelchair with diabetes stay in my cabin. The 80 year old would expect me to babysit her and take her to the restroom, she also likes to stay up all night while I am trying to sleep. She has diabetic sores, has to use a scooter to get around.
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u/cerydra-kai 1d ago
NTA, if someone makes you uncomfortable or you dont want them to be around you, youre valid to put yourself first like this always!
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u/sodapopper44 1d ago
I have a camping trailer and keep a heated throw and small space heater to use in emergencies. The heater will work if you have power and the throw work on trailer batteries . Say no, they should check if the office has heater to borrow or go buy one or go home
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u/andrewse 1d ago
NTA.
Sleeping in a camper int the lower 40s is hardly even uncomfortable. We tent below freezing. The RV owner could pick up a cheap electric heater that would easily keep the sleeping area of the RV at normal room temperature.
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u/Ornery-Movie-1689 23h ago
Never heard of an electric heater ? Electric blanket ? Four or five dogs ?
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u/KyleIronX 20h ago
NTA, why would you let a stranger in? Safety is already a valid reason to turn them down
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u/tarahlynn Asshole Enthusiast [5] 13h ago
NTA I've camped in a TENT before and woke up with frost on my nose and, though I wouldn't do it again, it certainly didn't kill me. If she showed up with not enough blankets etc. then she needs to leave.
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u/opine704 Asshole Aficionado [13] 12h ago
NTA
you are not the elder whisperer. Nope nope nopity nope.
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u/Effective_Olive_8420 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 12h ago
NTA. I don't think someone in that position should be camping in a camper that is unreliably heated. Could she have gotten home easily enough?
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u/UncleJagg 5h ago
We were about 90 minutes away from home. The problem with her is she absolutely refuses to give up camping. From what I have heard it's caused problems between her and her family to the point where she moved out on her husband. I told the others camping with her they need to put their foot down and say you can't camp with us anymore even if you have someone there to help you get around. She belongs in at least an assisted living facility not a KOA.
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u/StatementEcstatic751 11h ago
NTA. As you pointed out, she was camping with the other people and could have stayed in their campers. They just wanted to impose on you and didn't want to take no for answer. It was fine for them to ask, because you never know, and I'm sure it would be a lot easier for somebody in a wheelchair to stay in a cabin but a camper. That said, they knew she was in a wheelchair when they booked campers, and they presumably have at least one other camper she could stay in. If there are literally no beds, maybe one of the other campers that you are on okay terms with could stay in the cabin with you, and the one who burned bridges can stay in the other camper.
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u/Soundtracklover72 10h ago
NTA. She burned her bridges are these are the natural consequences. Motels exist - she can get one.
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u/Even-Ganache-8026 10h ago
nope, you do as you need.
Sadly you probably will hear about it, again and again.
You wanted quiet time, no reason you should not have that time because someone else failed, probably ran out of lp.
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u/LonelyInternal379 7h ago
Below forty isn't even freezing. Call adult protective services on the sick old person they need more help than you can possibly give
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u/Zesty_Harbor4729 7h ago
funny how your friend had a perfectly warm camper sitting right there and still decided the fix was your cabin instead of their own dinette bed
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u/Dogmother123 Supreme Court Just-ass [108] 7h ago
NTA you don't like her and you didn't sign up as her carer for the trip.
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 6h ago
NTA. Poor planning on their part. Does not create an emergency on your part.
Besides, they're camping. Little things like this are practically expected to happen. It's part of the adventure.
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u/Past-Software6330 6h ago
People here confuse being an asshole and being right as the same thing. You can be right and still be an asshole. You're not in the wrong for not wanting someone in your space, but it also makes you kind of an asshole to say no to a freezing, disabled elderly person even if you're within your right to say no.
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u/FaitAccompli73 6h ago
NTA - their lack of preparation is not an emergency for you. 40s are hardly frigid temps. They were not in any imminent danger of death.
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u/MarvinMartian1 5h ago
ESH to NTA, can't decide. Plenty of other people could've helped out and didn't, they chose to pressure you. It sounds to me that she is one of those boomers who thinks they are automatically entitled to respect because of their age and can treat anyone in younger generations how they want, believe me I can't stand those guys and it sounds like the other campers can't stand her either. But to me (and I know that I'll get backlash for this considering the main vote) something seems wrong with leaving an unhealthy, elderly woman in cold temperatures over night. Nothing to stop anyone involved kicking her back out after breakfast.
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u/durian4me 1d ago
People go camping/cabins for alone time. Not adding some random person in there especially a senior citizen
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u/kalnoreth-i5 1d ago
The definition of morality: whatever way u want to be treated by others, treat others that way.
What way would u want to be treated if I were in the other person's situation.
Did u treat the other person that way?
Whatever ur answer...that's ur answer to what u should have done.
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u/nifty-necromancer 1d ago
80 year old woman who is in a wheelchair with diabetes stay in my cabin. The 80 year old would expect me to babysit her and take her to the restroom, she also likes to stay up all night while I am trying to sleep. She has diabetic sores, has to use a scooter to get around.
Oh give me a break lol
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u/Expert_Slip7543 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
N-T-A for refusing to let a difficult old lady stay in your cabin. But from a comment, you have a portable heater for just in case your own heat goes out, and are unwilling to offer it to the old lady. For that you earned YTA status!
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u/UncleJagg 1d ago
I brought that portable heater as a backup for ME not her. Not my fault she didn't bring a backup.
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u/Expert_Slip7543 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
I brought that portable heater as a backup for ME not her. Not my fault she didn't bring a backup.
No, but this is your opportunity to make the best use of it by taking the small chance of needing it and giving relief to the old lady. Weighing the smaller risk of your future need for it against the 100% certainty that the old lady is suffering from the cold now and needs it, your decision to hang onto it makes you heartless.
In fact you buried the lede here. Your question should not be "AITA for not letting a disagreeable old person stay with me" for that's a slam dunk of course not. You should have asked "AITA for not letting go of my portable heater for the suffering frail old lady who prepared poorly?"
That is, should you let go of the extra source of heat not currently needed by you to help an frail person in a potentially life-threatening situation for her? YTA absolutely. If only because you tricked us into agreeing with you.
Edit to add the quote
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u/UncleJagg 13h ago
She has a habit of not returning things she borrowed from us. Not going through that bullshit. You loan her something she thinks it's hers forever.
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u/oske_tgck Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Not necessarily the asshole, but you're also not kind/community minded. No, you do not have an obligation to help someone, but you could have and you chose not to. So ESH?
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u/Quiet_Jump_6383 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA but you are completely lacking in empathy if this is true.
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u/dealbreakerstalkshow Partassipant [4] 1d ago
They’re not stranded? They can choose to not camp and go home. Or to a hotel.
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u/PalmTreeFury 1d ago
Eventually KARMA will repay you. Just remember that. That's a complete A-hole move BTW. Are you a HUMAN BEING?!.. Because honestly you don't seem like you are. Don't do something to another person that you wouldn't want done to you.
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u/Super_NowWhat 1d ago
YTA. What would it have cost you to do a one-and-done thing? Demonstrate to them the type of person you are - someone who helps others in need. Tell them: this one time only, and no next time. And I want pancakes in the morning. (Kidding about that last one.) Everyone has to deal with the consequences of our own actions, but the cost of kindness is often very small when compared to its benefits.
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u/thaddeusk 1d ago
The person who was with the 80 year old should have been the one to step up and help. They're the real asshole.
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u/ibrown27 22h ago
If it was only for one night??? All I’m saying is karma. Would you want someone to help you when your 80 and in poor health?
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u/WheresMyComb 1d ago
Nta , an 80 year old whose in a wheelchair with diabetes ? I never even knew wheelchairs could get diabetes.
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u/Humble_Lychee_9139 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. You don’t need to let a stranger in, period. And honestly all campers should be prepared for cold weather, whether they’re in a camper or not.