Hello frens! I is Morwen, the pet rat girl 21.5mo. Normally I lives wif sisters Finduilas (same age) and Lalaith and Belladonna (8mo). We has human mom.

Well, recently, nothing hab been normal. One week ago, mom take me to vet and abandon me there! Next day, I take weird nap and wake up wif 4 big ouchies! They says it Sir Jerry. At first, it not too bad. Vet person gib me lotsa yummy food. And cage so comfy and warm! But then I wakes up completely and realize I needs to clean the ouchies. So I starts wif leg ouchie. Next thing I know, I back in weird nap. It very strange!

Well, after that, they gib me cone ob shame. I no like cone. I no cans clean my face or hold my food. So I tries take it off. They change the cone bit. I no can take it off. BUT, I finds out that if I lean just right, I no can breathe. And when I does that, the humans freak out and take off cone. It super effective protest! But then they puts it back on. So I do breathing strike again. I trying convince them take off cone fur good, but not seem to work.

Well, eventually, they says I is too big cloaca fur vet place. So they calls my mom and she come get me. That very nice! Think things gonsta get back to normal! She take me fur nice bus ride and pet me in all the good spots. I get normal nap. It so good.

We finally gets home and I cans smell the cage wif my sisters. But mom no put me there or take off cone. She put me in tiny cage all alone. So I does what always work before and do breathing protest. But mom no take off cone. She just do a grab and say I TC. Then she put me in sweater vest of shame. I thinks, that ok, I cans take that off. But no, she wrap me up in corset ob shame as well! So I completely stuck. No can bend over to reach ouchies. No can even turn around properly. I feeling very uncomfy, but no way to do breathing protest.

And then mom actually LAUGH at me. She say she know all my tricks and she gonsta keep me away from ouchies. She say if I not cloaca to vet, I woulds have gotten extra night there in warm cage wif special food. But I no think basic protest make me TC. She say it do acause I scare them. But I say that the whole point. What you think?

Henlo, I am Raily (1F) and my hoomans are being MEAN. I discovered shiny sink things called “drains” and decided they are MINE because if not toy why toy shaped?? I like to bap bap bap and steal them and run away with my treasures. But now hoomans have BANNED ME from TWO WHOLE BATHROOMS!! How am I supposed to do my important business if I cannot access my shiny things?? Hoomans say I am a “menace” and “need to stop stealing the drains” but I think they are just jealous because I am a very talented collector.

I am BABY. I am only 1!! I have never known such injustice in my nine lives. The drains were just sitting there asking to be stolen!! Why put shiny thing where cat can reach if not for cat?? AITC or are my hoomans the cloacas for depriving me of my hobbies?

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

Me and Mumma are in our bed together. I decide I want to lay right next to Mumma.

She now says I am Cloaca bum coz she wants to get up and use Human Litter Box before Big Sleep? But I am cozy! I want Mumma to stay in bed. Mumma says she NEEDS to use Human Litter Box.

Am I Cloaca or is my Mumma Cloaca?

Hi everyone! My name is Lucy (4F, Corgi). I live at home with my momma and daddy, my two big brothers (the bigger one is helping me type this since I have no thumbs), and my sister Leia (5F, French bulldog). Leia posted here before, and she told me to post about this issue here.

I really like food. Dog food, people food, all kinds of food. There's this one particular food I like that my hoomans get mad at me for eating. The food is so so yummy, though. It's brown and Leia and I both make it ourselves with our butts. I prefer Leia's, but I'll eat mine sometimes. Every time I try to eat it my hoomans yell at me and spray me with the evil spray bottle. Sometimes I can sneak a snack if they're not looking, but not often.

Here's the weird thing: my hoomans take this butt food and throw it away! Why would they get rid of perfectly good food? Is it cause it comes from our butts? The way I see it is I'm simply recycling, which my hoomans do with water bottles and boxes. Why won't they let me be a good citizen and recycle? Do they not care about the environment?

Am I the cloaca? Should I not eat my sister's butt food and let my hoomans throw it away?

Am Soba 🐈‍⬛, 4. MIGHTY HUNTER!

I was in the mood to hunt some mice this morning, but there haven’t been any in the pantry for months. Food Human hasn’t gotten me any in SO LONG!

So I decided to look for some on my own. I opened the kitchen cabinet with the pots and pans using my nimble little paws, then stepped inside. I crawled all over the pan lids and inside the pots, sniffing and listening for mice.

But once Food Human realized what I was doing, she called me a cloaca AND a borthole! She told me to stop getting my stinky litterbox paws all over the pots and pans, and said she’d have to wash them again before she uses them!

If there were any mice in that cabinet, Food Human’s outburst definitely scared them away. I was just trying to have fun! And besides, I lick my paws clean multiple times a day.

So, AITC?

Mellie lady cat. Most colours. Kinda round

So gday mates.

Real quick, i just wanna know for reals did me jumping off the good sleepin chair last week really make the earth shake in my area.

Like everyone is talkin bout it and they reckon places still doing shakes.

I don't think I done did this ok.

But me brother Cooper says I did it cos I got big bum and round when I jumped off good sleepin chair.

I don't like breaking stuff or upsetting people but he keeps telling me here comes the earth shake.

I am a most dignified cat lady, grey, 13-ish years, no teeth but can still bite!! I moved in with my human’s offspring permanently this year, and despite her never having lived with a cat - only dogs! - I have trained her somewhat to my satisfaction. This week she did something inexcusable though: she replaced my bathroom. The new box was sitting out for several days and I did inspect it most thoroughly, but didn’t use it, and then, one morning, it was suddenly sitting in the spot where my litterbox normally is! The litter was the same as normal, the spot was the same, it’s bigger and brighter than my previous box with more room for digging, but it was, of course, a completely unjustified replacement.

I have had MY bathroom for at least 8 years and have gouged it to my satisfaction. It smells very strongly of me as I have worked hard on it. This new one smelled like chemicals!

I am a well travelled cat. I have visited here many times through the years. I’ve stayed in many places. I’ve peed on random kitchen trays covered in plastic bags, in storage boxes, in, ugh, SHARED litterboxes with cats I dislike, on “sand” used for drying out a car and so on. But I have decided that I now have higher standards! That life is beyond me! Every day here is exactly the same, I have trained the dog and the new human to fulfill my needs and accompany me as bodyguards outside every morning and have my meals served at set times and is it simply too much to expect that my humble abode should also stay permanent?

To convey my disgust, I didn’t use the bathroom for 12 hours - I even did my poop song once before remembering my stance and running away instead.

The human offspring panicked, cursed that she had thrown out the old litter and the old box, and cursed ME! She said “Semlan, you absolute cloaca, you have pooped on a box lid in this very bathroom many years ago, you can’t tell me this is unusable!”. I simply maintain that I have new standards now and she should have inquired how to replace a litterbox before actually doing it so SHE is the cloaca.

(I have, now, in secret used it while the human was asleep. Somehow she heard and woke up with a flashlight to check and said I was such a good girl but I pretended I had no idea what she was speaking of. The next morning I discovered I could dig so deep I could move the entire box so I might use it again but I’m not sure)

Hey guys Caspian here, 11 weeks illegal smol. Just got myself hoomans and 2 big kitty siblings. This afternoon I see the most fun toy ever, so I do big big pounce. Big bro hisses and runs, says tails are NOT toys. I just wanted to play and besides Arwen says that he did it to her all the time. Was I the cloaca?

Mine name is TJ and I doing a pawtrol today and I found da best fing eber. A little bocks that is just purrfect size for TJ.

We get lots of bocks at mine house because we need lots of fings, like churos and like pickles. So seeing a bocks is something I deal wit ebery day. I sees a bocks, I sits a bocks. It’s one of my jobs around here. Who else is gonna do it? Meowmy? Her job to order a bocks, my job to sits in it. We stay in our own lane round here. But did bocks is a new kind of bocks. It’s little, like me.

Anyways, I sitting in da bocks and guess what meowmy do? She laff and laff at me. First time she do I, I not understand. Dis is da most perfect bocks I eber see and it fits da best of any bocks I eber hab. So why meowmy laff?

She told me why and this is where da best day become da worse day. She say…”TJ! You are too big for that box. That’s a tiny box and you are a chonk. It doesn’t fit you!”

But it DO fit me. It fit me FINE. IF IT FITS, I SITS!

So, meowmy tinks I am a chonk and it a cloaca move to use a tiny bocks. But I say she wrong because I just following cat law. And I do a confuse because meowmy is usually right. Could she be right that I a chonk?

Hi everyone! Super innocent Riley here.

Well, today’s been a super crazy day fur Mommy! First she overslept and when she did figure everything out after waking up she remembered that she had to get clothes smoothers [iron] put in her fur two and a half hours and THEN she had to go with Grandma so they could get their teefs cleaned fur the next two hours!

And Mommy didn’t even get to eat between those two things so she was soo tired and cranky when she got here until she had the leftovers that Grandma offered her (but…not me?). And I’m happy that she IS here fur the rest of the day especially since she and Grandma and Grandpa have fun plans fur tonight, but in the meantime she FINALLY has an hour to rest fur the first time today!

Well, you’d think that a chance to rest would mean a chance fur puppy quality time, but ACTUALLY what she said was, and I quote:

“I love you, Riley, but I don’t want you in my room right now.”

And THEN she decided to pick me up off her bed (which I didn’t even object to since I’m so much calmer now) and put me out in the hall and close the door. So yeah, now Mommy’s getting some rest but I’m not getting Mommy snuggles and I don’t know why!

Hello peasants, my name is Cricket (6F) I am a distinguished chicken. My breed is a salmon favorelle. Very important piece of information. My mother has the audacity to tell me I am very rude that I don’t share the treats with my sisters. My mother got mad at me for screaming like “an aggressive minecraft villager” because she was 5 seconds too late to feed me. How day she call me that! My noises are beautiful! I could have starved to death in five seconds!

I overheard her hooman friend say I am very entitled hen. But I think that hooman is very biased because I started I fight with her favorite my sister Sunny (1 F). It was Sunny’s fault for getting my way! Also that hooman friend don’t like me anyway because I hit her in the face with my wing when she picked me up! I am a salmon faverolle! I must be picked up by certain way. I feel like it is my birthright to have the most treats when I want and do whatever I want. I have beautiful feathers more beautiful than my other sister. I am very special. I have five toes when all my sisters only have four. I also lay very beautiful pink eggs. I am proud of who I am. I don’t think I need to change for other people despite what my mommy says.

Did I mention I am a salmon favorelle? Anyways AITC?

Hello my name is Wylde Child or Wylde (m, 8 months). A couple of forevers ago, I received the big snip. Since then, I am forced to wear the cone of shame and be on bed rest. Not long after coming home, I felt great and realized I didn’t the cone. My meowmy has isolated me from best friend, big brofur Dontae, dog, 6 years and my big sisfurs Beatrice and Emma, 8 years and 5.5 years. Since I wear the cone of shame, I can’t clean my butthole. My siblings try to assist, meowmy has banned them. Every chance I get, I am zooming around my bedroom and trying to get the cone off. Meowmy is upset because I keep her up at night and in her mind, risk tearing the stitching. I feel perfectly fine and I really need by butthole cleaned. Plus I have trouble eating, walking, and playing with this cone. Meowmy forces me to take meds. Am I really the cloaca here because I miss playing with my siblings and convincing meowmy I need to clean my butthole?

Greetings, Redditor cattos! It is Ai, Lucky, 15 month tuxie eunuchy! Aitc has been gnawing on harnizz and Meowmy saiz Ai clakker! Doez hast wanna buy new harnezz, saiz I need it fur rabies tag! Ai no has rabies! Is Meowmie being silly?

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

So, my Mumma and Daddy have separate beds coz my Mumma sleeps more like a cat (stays up late, sleeps in late).

Anyway, sometimes there is Loud Noise in Daddy's room. So for one night, Mumma and Daddy sleep in each other's bed. And coz Daddy has Allergies, I can't sleep on either bed that night! I don't sleep on Little Human's bed coz she moves a LOT.

I always sleep with Mumma on her bed, so this was a great Injustice that I had to sleep on my own bed! So for the next two nights I did NOT sleep on Mumma's bed with her.

Am I the Cloaca for be Cross?

Hallo frenz,

Ai habs do big hork. It not mai falt! Ai can no halps!

Sum get on de pikkel. Meowmzy no happeh! Say she gotta warsh pikkel nao!

Ai no do on purrpuss!

AITC?

Hi friens! Finn doggo here.

Hoomans took me on an exciting trip! We went to a new home with new hoomans who were very nice and gave me lots of treats. And best of all there were cats! I love cats! They play bop the snoot! It’s the very best game!

I am very polite doggo. I sniff hello and run away. Then I come back and do a big bow to say I want to play. Then I do a bob and weave so they know I’m real fast and it won’t be easy for them to bop me ina snoot. But they don’t bop. They run away and get up high.

All hoomans say I very polite boy and good job and cat will want to play next time. But cats up high say i am cloaca. I should know they don’t play with dogs and I rude for asking.

I just want them to bop my snoot. AITC?

Hi it’s me Ziggy, a dog.

Good news, I got to spend two glorious weeks with my grandma all alone except for also my grandpa. It was awesome! Now my house has small dumb backyard and her house has huggggggge yard. So I’m doing my night pee on the first day I’m there and I hear a suspicious sound in a bush. Long story short, I found out what a skunk is.

Here’s the bad news. My human parents are home from their honeymoon and they did not bring me. But they did not even last one day before give me another bath! No respect! No glad to see Ziggy! Just “how she give you so many baths and you still stink??” Like very rude indeed.

So now I am pouting on the bed wrapped in my towel. AITC for pouting even though they’ve been home less than a day?

-Ziggy

OhHey ebryboddy! Dis me, Luffy heer! Ai habs qwueshun. It had bin rainin heer fur ebry freekin fureber (yesterday and it's wet and icky with scattered showers today) an apawrently hoomanz is lerjix tu wadder assept insieds ob da howse??? Dis soooo stoopid. I wunt runrunrun, zoomzoomzoom, play sokkerball, play stiks, fetchdaball, jumpindacreek, awl ob da tings!!! Juss liek hab bin doin awl sumber long!!! Dey poot mai own swimmin poo upsieds down an daer no wadder innit!!!! AND!!! Da beeg hawt shinee sun goesd awae!!!! ARWOOROOWOOOOOOO!!!

AITC???

Greetings, furry and feathered friends. My name is Butler, and I am the most handsome tuxedo cat.

Today Cat Slave 1 (35F) left the flat. This was very cruel as I was left all by myself, all alone. I mean, Cat Slave 2 (35F) was at home, but she's just the spare human. Anyway, after three hundred million forevers (CS1 says it was 90 minutes) CS1 comes back with delicious dough discs.

I LIKE dough discs. I would like CSs to give me delicious dough disks. They never do. So when CS1 left the delicious dough disks on the food platform, I took matters into my own paws (and teeth) and chewed through the plastic to get to the delicious dough disks. I then had a little chomp on the delicious dough disks.

CS1 came back, and saw what I had done. She said I was about to be made into socks and sausages. She full-named me. She called me cloaca.

AITC?

I, Moose (5wk tabby), have just learned to walk. I also learn a new game: eat toes

It's so fun. Especially when human screams OW! And I want to bunny kick

But Big Human says I need to learn a thing called "gentle" but I don't know what that means.

AITC?

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat here.

My Mumma was eating one of her favourite Treats. She said it's called Apple Crown, but I know it is called Bread Treat.

I had a sniff and realised it is Bread Treat, and I like it! So I decided to try and eat some, but Mumma moved it away and called me Cloaca Bum and said it is not for Oscar, only for Mumma.

Am I Cloaca for wanting Bread Treat?

am ifrit, 4 month tortie girl!! am new to meowmy and dad, they got me outside aftur storm!! i love meowmy and dad and mine siblings!! i was laying by meowmy and i sniff arm, it had weird plastic on it and smell like blud and color stuff. i do a little boit since i am babie. Meowmy say “ow!! ifrit that my tatoo, that hurt!!” but it smell weird so i boit to make sure it not evil, am i cloaca??

I have never once seen mom clean her hair properly and now it has turned purple. I’ve been doing my best to help but she seems resistant to allow me to properly lick and bite off the pieces that are the most dirty. I have taken to doing it at night…I get a few pieces before she wakes up and shoves my paws off her face and hides her hair under her head.

I already know I am not the cloaca, please provide ideas on how to make her understand I need to lick her hair clean.

-Milo the black cat hacker