r/AmItheAsshole • u/Away-Mountain334 • 8h ago
AITAH for not paying back for breakfast?
My (27f) bf (26m) and I went to a wedding for one of his friends back in August. The morning after the wedding, a bunch of us went out to eat and one friend, not the groom, put it on his card and people Venmoed. My meal was maybe $15.
Later that day, my boyfriend asked if I paid the friend back yet. I said no because he owes me money anyway so I figured it would be a wash.
Fast forward to today, my boyfriend owes me money for groceries and a few other things we split. I asked if he could pay me, and he said he would but he would take out the amount for the breakfast from the summer?? I was super confused. For context, this friend who paid for breakfast never paid me $75 for a hotel room I booked for a bunch of people a year ago. Plus this wedding was for my boyfriend’s friend, not mine, so I figured he could just cover my breakfast?? I explained this to him and he did not understand my logic. I asked why he isn’t on his friend about paying me back for the hotel I booked and he said to drop that, it’s a year ago.
Another point I brought up is that whenever we go to a wedding for one of his friends or family, I end up spending more bc he always forgets a gift and I scramble to buy a card. Super frustrating.
I got pretty upset but I still refuse to pay. AITAH?
83
u/RevolutionaryDot9595 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA. He seems like he is taking some of your money for granted.
18
u/Nameisnotmine Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA he’s nickel and diming you when you’re meant to be a partnership. Also stop covering for him with gifts and cards. He’s the connection he does the work.
Does he keep score in other ways like I’ve done the dishes x many times now it’s your turn etc?
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u/Heavy-Profit-2156 8h ago
NTA but he is. I owe you $5 and you borrow $5 from me, we are even. Essentially that is what you are doing here.
'and he said to drop that, it’s a year ago'
Man, he is sure generous with YOUR money.
For the wedding crap, don't do it next time. If you do get asked by him if you got a card, tell him since he was the one who got the invitation (or since you got the card last time, that works also), it's his job.
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u/Malibucat48 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8h ago
Why are you with this guy?
1
u/Tiny_Shelter440 Certified Proctologist [23] 4h ago
I wish I could like this more times. Imagine the savings. Well over the $75 + $15 plus wedding gifts …
3
u/Anonymous_Sad_Person Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 8h ago
NTA - I genuinely don't understand your boyfriend's stance. I bet he'd feel more strongly if he was the one who was owed money.
7
u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
Sounds like your boyfriend is just a man's man. By that, I mean, none of his male friends can do any wrong. Stick it the fuck to him, OP. I'd whine over that money his friend owes every single day.
NTA.
5
u/Borruks 8h ago
Ask your boyfriend to start a joint call with him, immediately ask for the 75 pound, or 60.
If you get it, dump the boyfriend and have your hair and nails done.
2
u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
or buy Valheim for PS5, Switch or PC.
2
u/Borruks 8h ago
No, just no.
She needs to get Stardew Valley.
0
u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
Stardew is a good game, I agree. But Valheim will put hair on her chest.
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u/Borruks 8h ago
Sir, I am absolutely not disagreeing with you, but I have a question for you. If we encourage her to play a game that puts hair on her chest...
Are we the baddies?
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u/unabashed_nuance Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8h ago
ESH.
“I figured it would be a wash”
“I figured he could just cover my breakfast”
You’re technically an adult. You can have direct conversations with people instead of assuming, figuring, or guessing.
The whole mess is because no one actually had the conversation about paying people back and just figured it would be a wash.
If someone owes you money, ask them about it. “Hey pal, mine is only $15 - just take it off the $75 you owe me from the hotel and send me $60.” If you cannot have these tough conversations stop paying for everyone and hoping they’ll pay you back.
2
u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago
NTA not to mention why would HE take money from you if you owe his FRIEND? Unless he's gonna go ahead and send that money to his friend in your name, he's just trying to take take advantage.
But it's actually not his business at all, so that would frankly still make him an asshole.
3
u/OkSecretary1231 Asshole Aficionado [10] 7h ago
My guess is he already did. When OP said she wouldn't pay, he paid for her to save face with the friend, but he's been holding a grudge about it.
1
u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3h ago
Why would he need to save face when the friend owes her money lol?
3
u/ArtfulAlice 8h ago
NTA....and stop splitting expenses with your boyfriend if he's going to be an ass and not pay it back. He seems to be keeping a ledger in favor of his friend and against you. He feels like you must pay your debt to his friend. But that his friend's debt to you has just expired. Your boyfriend is being controlling.
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u/ClinkClankClara Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA, the boyfriend needs to start defending you more. Unless he's okay with financial abuse. Then you might want to find a new boyfriend.
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u/Borruks 8h ago
Hello again fellow poster.
Just realised boyfriend is nickel and diming her everywhere, but doesn't want her to ask his mate for the hotwl room money.
I got a tenner that says the boyfriend collected the money and doesn't want it brought up.
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u/Sami_George Certified Proctologist [28] 8h ago
YTA for the lack of communication. You say, “I figured…” too many times. Communicate your intentions with people. If they owe you money, let them know. If their debt to you is being repaid with breakfast, tell them. The only part that shouldn’t have to be communicated is that your boyfriend should be covering you at a wedding for his friends. But he should be telling you that.
Ftr, I don’t think you owe money for this breakfast. But you do need to communicate intentions.
Additionally, stop buying cards for his friends’ weddings. Let him figure it out.
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u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
I don't get that view.
Friend had to know the hotel he stayed in was paid by someone. A good friend would've found out by who and asked how they could assist with the cost. This ain't completely on OP, George.
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u/Sami_George Certified Proctologist [28] 8h ago
It’s been a year. OP or boyfriend should’ve reached out about paying OP back. Yeah, the friend sucked for not doing it right in the first place, but OP doesn’t get to just let it go and then decide that breakfast would pay her back without communicating that.
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u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
That's how it works when you owe money to someone. If it isn't paid this year, next or so forth, you still owe it back.
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u/Sami_George Certified Proctologist [28] 8h ago
And OP should get paid. And should have done her due diligence to get it back. But OP doesn’t get to decide that breakfast is that payment.
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u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 8h ago
Yes she does. That's how debts work. You would be surprised to learn about debt collectors
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u/Sami_George Certified Proctologist [28] 7h ago
She’s not a debt collector. This isn’t a legal matter, it’s a social one. And in this case, she’s an AH for not handling this properly.
1
u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 7h ago
Same principal applies. You owe someone money and you don't have the privilege of saying when it's due. Either it's due now or later. OP just got her due later is all.
Not a hard concept to get behind.
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u/Mistakenfrog Partassipant [3] 7h ago
Same principal applies. You owe someone money and you don't have the privilege of saying when it's due. Either it's due now or later. OP just got her due later is all.
Not a hard concept to get behind.
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u/Sami_George Certified Proctologist [28] 7h ago
If that were truly the case, she would have talked to the friend right after the trip. Not unilaterally decided that a payment from a year ago is being paid back over breakfast.
The lack of communication all around is a serious problem.
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My (27f) bf (26m) and I went to a wedding for one of his friends back in August. The morning after the wedding, a bunch of us went out to each and one friend, not the groom, but it on his card and people Venmoed. My meal was maybe $15.
Later that day, my boyfriend asked if I paid the friend back yet. I said no because he owes me money anyway so I figured it would be a wash.
Fast forward to today, my boyfriend owes me money for groceries and a few other things we split. I asked if he could pay me, and he said he would but he would take out the amount for the breakfast from the summer?? I was super confused. For context, this friend who paid never paid me $75 for a hotel room I booked for a bunch of people a year ago. Plus this wedding was for my boyfriend’s friend, not mine, so I figured he could just cover my breakfast?? I explained this to him and he did not understand my logic. I asked why he isn’t on his friend about paying me back for the hotel I booked and he said to drop that, it’s a year ago.
Another point I brought up is that whenever we go to a wedding for one of his friends or family, I end up spending more bc he always forgets a gift and I scramble to buy a card. Super frustrating.
I got pretty upset but I still refuse to pay. AITAH?
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u/KarmaMonkeyKai 8h ago
NTA. How serious are you with this dude? Because this is actual insight in how he will be about money and you in the future.
1
u/AggressivNapkin Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA - I hate it when significant others nickel and dime each other. As long as you're not taking advantage of each other's kind gestures, it should even out. With my partner, one pays for dinner and the other pays for entertainment or dessert. Next night out we switch. If one treats for the over the top fancy evening, the other forks out for the next two date nights.
Also, I believe that if you are a +1 to a wedding, your partner should cover a lot of the expenses. discuss splitting hotel and travel expenses, but you shouldn't be on the hook for the gift.
1
u/billyyankNova Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA
"Another point I brought up is that whenever we go to a wedding for one of his friends or family, I end up spending more bc he always forgets a gift and I scramble to buy a card. Super frustrating."
Yeah, stop doing that. If your BF forgets something for his family, let him do the scrambling, or just show up without.
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u/NamasteNoodle 7h ago
It has been my experience that men who nitpick over pennies and who are financially cheap or also emotionally cheap. He's being ridiculous.
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u/slowasaspeedingsloth 5h ago
NTA
So, he's okay advocating for money for his friend from this summer, but you need to 'drop it' when it's more money owed to you for longer? Classy.
And his friends weddings/events? Stop doing his work for him. He forgets a card or gift? Well then, his friends should know how little thought he puts into them.
Except, apparently, when you owe them money. (Which was bullshit, I wouldn't have given him money for breakfast either. You'll never see that $75)
0
u/Tiffany-Stubbs Partassipant [4] 8h ago
NTA but honestly this is a mess. Just pay the dude his $15 and have your bf chase his friend for the $75. Keep your money stuff separate from his drama.
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u/Enough_Passage7926 8h ago
Have boyfriend chase the guy?
The same boyfriend who advised her to drop it?
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u/Enough_Passage7926 8h ago
NTA
You could have said to the guy who picked up the meal "Hey - we're good right? Because you still owe me $75 - now it's $60."
Your boyfriend is suspect for not having your back here.
How does one forget a gift to a wedding? Write a check and put it in an envelope.