My husband just woke me up in a panic. “Hey, you’re going to be late for work”, but this is a usual day off for me. I tell him this and he throws his body back down on the bed and says “Shit, well I only took today off because I thought you’d be working.” Then proceeds to get angry and act like I’ve done something wrong. As far as I knew, he was feeling sick and took the day off to rest.

So…sorry I guess? I didn’t realize I’d be such a disruption to someone sleeping in bed or sitting on the couch playing video games. It hurts my feelings because the majority of the time I take off from work is to spend time with him. I didn’t realize I was the only one enjoying it.

Maybe I’ll just lay out across the sidewalk today to make my existence a problem to the whole neighborhood/s

####child death trigger warning###

Paediatric ER, a young couple comes in. A six weeks old baby with fever. Sleepy a bit at first, but wakes up and cries during the exam. We start the workup, blood, urine and some good old observation.

A call comes in, its EMS, a 17 year old, active resuscitation, ten minutes away. We go into the trauma room, start preparing equipment, assigning roles.

EMS bursts in, mid compressions, and moves him onto the bed. First dose of epinephrine. The mother comes in, screaming, crying. The whole family outside is pounding on the door. We keep going, compressions, epinephrine, compressions, calcium, compressions, epinephrine, intubation, compressions, thinking of other ideas, nothing... we keep going.

Twenty minutes pass and the looks starts to change. We all know we should stop, that there's not much point anymore, but the mother keeps crying and screaming, who are we to stop? So we keep going, a little longer, for her.

Another twenty minutes pass and now it's clear, Enough, that's it.

Now all that's left is to give her time alone, with him.

I leave the room, sit down at the computer, and then remember. I still have that young couple from before. I check the lab results, see that everything is normal, the baby is vital, active, breathing...

I walk over to the parents, smile, and say "Well, it's probably viral.”

Not much to say, she was like a more senior employee a couple years older than me but in college with me, very tiny pale blonde woman. I always thought she was cute but when she said that she looked a lot cuter to me.

In our 40s, and I’m recently divorced, and she’s a single mother. Somehow we found each other, and it’s been nothing but bliss these last two years. Coming from a narcissistic cheating ex wife to this feels like being able to breathe again.

My issue, I’ve got major, and I mean diagnosed MAJOR imposter syndrome. I just have moments where I either feel unworthy of this woman, or I feel somehow I’m going to sabotage this because I have to make myself right.

I’ve already told her I’m going to marry her. Hell, I married the wrong woman, I cannot turn down marrying the right one now even though I swore off marriage again. However, she’s kind, she’s beautiful, she’s successful, has a great family, her kid adores me, we now live together, and she just loves me.

The sex is incredible, she’s funny, she’s interesting, she’s got amazing morals, and will calmly talk out a situation. We fight over food. She thinks well done steal is acceptable, and pronounces “plantain” in a way just to piss off my Jamaican sensibilities. Other than those two glaring crimson red flags, she’s amazing.

So, we went ring shopping. She picked out exactly what she wants. I am getting a deal because my client owns the store. This woman goes into a rant about two things in the car:

1: she should have to contribute to the ring because it’s BS a man has to spend all that money towards something that’s for her for her life, and even though we should fight the patriarchy, that doesn’t mean taking advantage of men.

2: I got into collecting watches, and if I’m buying a ring, then I deserve a watch of my choice.

Uhmm, maam, it’s my honour and duty to buy you the ring you want and deserve. I don’t need the help. Besides, my client is taking very very good care of me. I can afford this, no problem.
We’re in our early 40s, and she just became jaded. Men have failed her, and I get it, but still, she deserves the pomp and circumstance. I did it for the wrong woman, I want to do it for the right one now. Absolutely not.

On to the second issue, well less of an issue. She has now asked me 5 times in the last month to send her options of watches I want. Watches are my thing, and I buy styles, not prices. I just don’t know how comfortable I am with her buying me an engagement watch. Granted her reasons are kinda funny.

Her baby daddy, when they were together a decade ago, had once said in response to her asking about them getting married “what do I get out of it, are you going to buy me a watch?!” Stupid, but she wants to be petty and buy me a watch because that’s what he wanted. It’s literally the only reason I’m endorsing this. He and I get along great, but he is in fact very self centered.

Anyway, I’m off on a trip to the Caribbean for a bachelor party for my friend tomorrow, and I’ve cleaned the house, filled the car with gas, and have her breakfast prepped. I just needed to get things off my mind. She’s amazing, I can’t wait to marry her, and I need to be kinder to myself. We deserve each other.

Thanks for tagging along on this 1:30am ride

$1200.

That is how much it has cost me to be in this wedding. It's not even my wedding.

My suit rental. A "mandatory" trip out of town in a place where everything is overpriced to party for 1 night that ended up being so fucking stupid. Rehearsal dinner. Whatever else.

You didn't pay a cent for the trip - we covered you entirely because "We're getting married, all of our money went to that". Fuck you. And when I wanted to back out of the trip because I didn't want to spend $700 you both guilted me to no end until I gave in.

Great. Fuck off. You invited us to your wedding and then we are expected to pay for ourselves and you. There are 10 of us in the wedding party and between us we have shelled out over $12,000 towards this and that doesn't even include gifts and time away from our other priorities to cater to you.

Twelve hundred fucking dollars. And I spent the literal minimum every time.

And you expected us all to stop our lives for your wedding planning and outings, as if we don't have our own things going on.

And what's worse is that every single god damn day you messasge me saying "OMG I AM GETTING MARRIIIIEEEEDDDD!". Shut up. And quit asking me if I'm okay with things. I'm fucking not but if I tell you that, you'll create a whole dramatic situation out of it.

Fuck weddings. I can't wait until it's over so I can actually tell you how I feel. And I'm absolutely not the only one who feels this way.

I am never doing this again.

Probably one of those instances where I’m being too sensitive but I don’t care.

Every video and post against suicide mentions your loved ones, or how your family and friends will feel/react the morning after you leave them.

And there are so many people who literally have none and none will be affected if they die.

It genuinely feels like a mockery for lonely people.

Ive seen news of people who killed themselves and weren’t found until days after, sometimes even weeks. because they had none. its more common than what you think.

Every time I see these posts I can’t help but imagine these people reading then knowing that they are all alone.

i dont really know man. im 23, had always felt like nobody could ever want sex w me. i had posted on an r4r subreddit of my city about wanting to give oral to a woman, as it had been a long time fantasy of mine, she dmd. me, a 35 yo, gorgeous woman in my mind.

she came over the next week, we met in public first, went for some drinks, then my place. things happened, it was nice. then the next week she texted me if she can come over after work, and she did. things happened again.

she told me she had alot of fun. and told me to text her whenever.

i texted her the same day saying i had alot of fun and that i hope to see her soon again. two days after i texted her again just to see that i was blocked.

kind of insane. i kind of feel sexually inadequate, i hope thats not what it was. women have never really been into me in any sense, especially sexually… so im kinda just struggling, because… idk. i think i need sex in my life and i now struggle seeing how i can find it

I wish i was never born here , wish I didn’t have to see racism every time i open social media, I wish I could see myself as a person instead of a stereotype , I wish I was a stronger person and mostly I wish the world was a kinder place.

45M. In 2021, my wife divorced me. As a coping mechanism, I went online and matched with a woman that was going through the same thing. Her, 36F, 3 kids. She also was in the midst of separating from her abusive (physical, emotional) when we got together. Despite not listening to my gut, we continued to move forward with a relationship, however I never sought to involve myself in her family life, and wanted to take things slowly. She would often talk about how her ex drained their finances, refused to work for years and barely wanted to play a role in their kid's lives. I supported her in many ways. From providing encouragement with her career growth (single mother going back into the workforce) to contributing financially to help her through difficult times. I tried my best to maintain my boundaries while being a good partner. At some point, she even moves into an apartment in my neighborhood across the street.

Fast forward a couple years, she stops communicating with me. I'm the one always reaching out and trying to maintain an open channel. At some point, I ask to meet with her to end things officially as something was obviously happening which she didn't want to talk about. It truly felt like she was trying to avoid speaking with me because she wanted to avoid lying to me. About what? I was never sure. Perhaps because I couldn't give her the type of relationship she wanted (step daddy to a family where her kid's father was abusive, negligent and violent).

Following months of no-contact, healing and working on myself physically and spiritually, I notice that her abusive ex husband is now my neighbor. Today, returning home after my morning walk, I see the both of them and their three kids waiting for the school bus. She sees me and attempts to hide, but failed. I look at the ground, shake my head, and enter my home.

I wasted YEARS on a relationship I should never have pursued, with someone I believed was honest, but likely never was. To return to an abusive ex which you rescued from homelessness following your separation and to cut off someone that genuinely cared for you and wanted to support your growth feels like such a betrayal. All goodwill I had for her following our separation has evaporated. Everything was built on lies and I feel absolutely stupid investing so much time and energy in someone that decided to discard me for someone she supposedly fled from because of abuse and lack of respect.

I will never ever let myself be led by the idea of a person or their potential. I've learned a lot about myself and my weaknesses and patterns. On that basis, it's not a complete waste, however I played myself.

And that’s fine, I don’t think anyone making small talk with me realizes that!

I just tell them I’ve always wanted to live in Europe, and I fell in love with London so I stayed. I’ve built a life here now.

I’ve lived in the UK for 5 years now, I still need another 5 for residency unfortunately bc the visas I’ve been on so far qualify for the 10-year route (let’s hope my company sponsors me lol, it should be a yes but director needs to confirm).

But why is the question difficult for me? Well, yes it’s true that I like being in Europe etc etc. The real reason I got pushed to start a new life far away is bc I grew up with a very manipulative, sinister, narcissistic abusive mother. My dad was an enabler in her abuse and my brother has taken after my mom unfortunately. My mom has done and said things to my siblings and I that are so horrific, it would make you wonder how she wasn’t arrested. She fully exploited my sister for example and my mom even pretended to give me away once.

The trauma from my upbringing impacts my daily life. I’m always convinced my bf is suddenly going to be angry with me and will hate me. At work if I made a slight error with a calculation even, my whole body shakes from fear, even if no one notices anything (bc people in my org make mistakes daily with the workload we have).

So, I would like to stay far away from my family (minus my sister) and the setting I grew up in for as long as possible. I’ve built a life far away with very normal, kind, stable friends, and now a very loving and peaceful boyfriend. I never want to experience what I had the first 23 years of my life again.

So that’s why I am choosing to stay so far from California, or the US generally.

But of course, I’ll never say that to a stranger I just met who’s asking why I’d leave sunny California for gloomy London.

​

So, I'm a single mom with one child, and I recently moved into a new apartment building. Somewhere along the way, I came across a neighbor who lives above me, and I swear to God, I've developed the most ridiculous crush on this man.

It's SO distracting. I constantly find myself thinking about him, and the crazy thing is, we don't even really talk!

But OMG, there is something about this man that I find absolutely enchanting. Every time I see him, I forget how to act like a normal human being. He'll say hi and smile at me, and I'll smile back, say hi, and immediately divert my eyes to the floor like I've never interacted with another person in my life. 😭

I don't know how to explain it, but it's like there's this invisible force around him that's pulling me in. And, of course, every single time I happen to run into him, I look my absolute WORST. It's so typical. I hate it.

He's a bit older than me, probably in his late 40s or early 50s. He's on the shorter side, has a few tattoos, a bit of a dad belly, and no hair. He honestly isn't even my usual type, but every time I see him, my heart skips a beat.

On the outside, I'm just a polite neighbor smiling and saying hello. On the inside? I'm imagining taking his clothes off and touching him and, well... fucking him. 💀

I KNOW. I KNOW. I'm aware of how ridiculous this sounds, but I cannot get this man out of my head.

Sometimes, if we're walking in the hallway and I'm heading out, he'll hold the door open for me and smile. I'll smile back, walk away, and immediately take a mental snapshot of him to replay later. Like, ma'am, PLEASE GET A GRIP.

And at night? My imagination is working overtime. I'll lie in bed fantasizing about him and touching myself, and afterward, I'll feel like such a creep. I know I'm not actually doing anything to him, but sometimes I feel guilty for having such intense thoughts about someone who is literally just existing and being a polite neighbor. If he knew the things going through my head whenever he said a simple hello, he'd probably think I was an absolute weirdo.

BUT GODDAMN IT, THIS MAN IS MAGNETIC. I genuinely have no idea what it is about him. It's like I've been put under some kind of spell.

And here's what makes it even worse: he's a single dad, too. Sometimes I see him with his son, and the way he talks to him is so attentive, gentle, and caring. And for some reason, that makes him approximately a thousand times hotter. I can't even explain it. Just watching him be a good dad does something to me.

I've even thought about asking him whether his son would like to have a playdate with my son, just as a way to get to know him a little better. But would I ever actually work up the courage to do that? Absolutely not. The thought alone makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

AND DID I MENTION THAT I THINK HE'S A CARPENTER?

Because apparently, the universe decided to make this man even more attractive to me. Sometimes I see him in the mornings wearing his work clothes, carrying all his tools, looking sweaty and a little disheveled, probably on his way to work, and I genuinely have to remind myself how to behave. I just want to devour him. It's embarrassing.

I feel like such a pervert because these fantasies are so intense, especially considering that we barely know each other. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or cross any boundaries. He's just being a normal, friendly neighbor, and I'm over here mentally writing an entire erotic novel about him.

And the funniest part? I don't even think I'm his type.

His kids are blonde, so my brain has somehow decided that he probably goes for blonde-haired, blue-eyed women. Meanwhile, I'm over here with long, curly hair, tan skin, and brown eyes. I have absolutely no idea what his type is, obviously, but my insecurities have already decided that it's definitely not me.

I just turned 30, but people often mistake me for being much younger, so I sometimes wonder whether he just sees me as a younger single mom who lives downstairs. He's probably not thinking about me in any way other than as a polite neighbor who smiles and says hello.

And even if I did try to hint that I was interested in him, I can already imagine myself embarrassing the hell out of myself. What if he just laughs it off? What if he isn't interested at all? I would have to continue living in the same building as this man afterward. I could never recover. 😭

So here I am, a grown woman, a mother, and supposedly a functioning adult, losing my mind over a man who has probably forgotten our last hallway interaction five minutes after it happened.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get this out of my system because it's driving me INSANE.

Has anyone else ever had a crush this intense on someone they barely know? Like, someone who hasn't even done anything particularly special, but there's just something about them that makes you absolutely feral?

And please tell me I'm not the only person who has ever had completely unhinged fantasies about a perfectly innocent neighbor. 💀

I was experiencing heart problems and went to urgent care to avoid the ER. The receptionist told me to go to the ER, which really pissed me off. They still could’ve looked at me and told me it was anxiety related.

I went to the ER anyways. I was there for only 30 minutes and the entire place was dead. That should’ve been my first sign to leave.

They did a quick ECG, found nothing, and the doctor explained to me what heart palpitations were like I was a child. That really pissed me off. I just knew I wasted my time and will be billed an absurd amount for it.

I was billed $5,000 for my visit. I’m probably going to owe like $2,200 or so with insurance. I have the money, but it still pisses me off that I’m paying nearly an entire month’s pay out of pocket just because the ER was the only place at that moment with an ECG to rule out serious issues. Also, $5K? Really?

This experience only confirms that going to the doctor is never worth the financial burden they put on you. It always costs too much. It induces stress and just makes things worse.

I’m going to pay this shit and drop my insurance altogether. I’m not paying $500 a month to get fucked like this. If I’m ever in a life-threatening situation, I’m just going to die naturally instead of going to another hospital again. Fuck this country and its shitty healthcare system.

My father has a habit of addressing women as "woman" instead of their actual name when he's upset with them. For instance: today he was upset at a person at my college for tailgating (we commute) and he said to them "Slow down, woman" before proceeding to drive exactly the speed limit to annoy them. He does a similar thing to his current girlfriend too.

With men, he'll also do something similar, where he'll either address them as "little man" or make some sort of comment about them being insecure about their size, and this is both constant and consistent mind you. He especially does this when dealing with pickup truck drivers and people who have offroad vehicles, which he's told me he thinks are pretentious.

It's something that's always bothered me because it just seems sexist to me. Like, these people have names, use them. If you don't know their name, just refer to them as "them," like is it really that hard??

My mom got a puppy for me when I was 7-8 (im 15 years old now) and i remember her not being walked at all or rarely and how she would have knots/matts in her fur and she was just entirely poorly kept.

She's a lhasa apso and she's 8 years old now.

At 14 I realised the lack of care but only at 15 it actually hit me.

I walk her daily now

I've been filing her nails down once every 3 days to make the quick smaller

I brush her fur throughly daily

I've put her on tick and flea repellent that you put on once every 4 weeks

I've been making my mom bring her to the groomers every month

I brush her teeth once daily

I still feel fucking terrible.

The fact I didnt know you were meant to clean out her water bowl once a day until an hour ago

To think of her as a pup. Teenager. Young adult not being respected with any grace and dignity and just left to be sitting in a house sleeping her life away.

I regret having her at all because then she would've been able to live her life to the fullest if she had a proper home.

And the most horrific part is that it turns out she has only been vaccinated once as a puppy because it turns out my mom is an anti-vaxxer.

Now I've only now been walking her in a small park once a day for at least 10 minutes due to being scared but she's now getting her shots tomorrow so she can return running in the woods again.

And im so blessed shes healthy.

Just please dont fucking get your kids pets if you aren't willing to step in if you see noticeable neglect.

(And please lmk if im forgetting anything crucial to caring for her that i should note.)

I don't know why I'm writing this. I've always been a big reddit user but more of a browser or for quick trades and I doubt anyone will read this but I don't know what to do anymore. My friends don't understand. My family doesn't know. All I have is one dying family member and I don't want them to worry about me but I can't breathe anymore.

I received notification from my gfs or I guess my ex gfs parents that she killed herself.

We had some issues I think but I thought they were small. I also truly thought if we broke up we'd always be friends. But then one day she was just done.

Then the threats started. Anonymous accounts. Telling me she'd cheated on me. Telling me she hates me. I think threatening her too but I don't know. Apparently she went back to an ex?? Idfk.

My address leaked online. Telling people to SA me. And I tried to talk to my ex about it. She blocked me. Fucking everywhere. Because that's what all the threats were. Telling us to never speak again and then I got notification she passed away. She killed herself. If she hadn't met me. She'd still be alive right now. I killed her.

I am profoundly depressed over RJ's death and I know a million others are depressed about it as well. As someone who struggles with a lot of skeletal and mental disabilities like osteoarthritis, hip dysplasia, autism, and scoliosis, I understand what it's like to feel ostracized in a world that wasn't made to support you. I constantly feel depressed and ostracized because of how people treat me for my disabilities. I cannot imagine the pain he has suffered and endured his whole life for having cerebral palsy, among the other challenges he had to face.

I hope his death, among others, is a wake up call to society. I hope suicide hotlines and mental health facilities begin educating their specialists and providers on how to support people who are marginalized because of their disabilities, because this CANNOT continue to happen. Everyone deserves support whether you are abled or not. This world shouldn't be built to only support those who are wealthy and already benefit from the system. We need to help our community more than ever, and if you refuse to help rebuild this corrupt society and continue to enable the wealthy and privileged who refuse to help minorities then YOU are the problem.

RJ Mitte, as I'm sobbing while writing this your advocacy and contributions to our community as a disability activist will not be forgotten. His impact as a disability activist has made a positive difference and we will always remember you in our hearts. I am sorry RJ that you had to suffer and die in silence, you did not deserve to endure that pain alone. I hope you rest in peace and I wish your family and loved ones all the best.

Edit: People should be angry because other marginalized groups and disabled people are dying at the hands of our corrupted, failed system, yet people continue to stay silent about it. I refuse to stay silent and I will continue to bring awareness to this topic. Disabled and marginalized lives matter. Mental health matters.

I apologize if my grammar is off. I am very emotional right now and do not have the mental capacity to correct my grammar.

I'm 41 and divorced because the other option was having the crap kicked out of me in front of my kid. We're there red flags? Sure but love it stupid and blind and useless. No matter cuz No one believes me anyway. My ex won custody years ago because well, money, and it cost me everything I had to fight just so he could move his new young wife and baby into our home and town and sloot shame me into the ground based on rumors he made up.

My job downsized me last summer and 2 months later my dad died in my arms in a shyte hospital. Now I have to take care of my mom and everyone else with a smile on my face like its ok. Just stuck in this unaffordable godforsaken corrupt country for my child and counting down the days to when he turns 18 so we can leave. I see the same sorrow in his face that used to be mine having to live with his dad and new family. It makes me sick and sad and then sad a sick again. Everything hurts.

There are no jobs. My savings account is plummeting and I can't even afford the Healthcare I need to fix half of this.

...the first year of what is the hardest?! Death, destruction, poverty? Craddling your only child in your arms while you cant explain why the world and middle school sucks? Trauma after trauma after trauma? The first year of life because it has sucked from the get?

The first year is the hardest has become just "this is what we call life now... burnittothemuthafuckinground

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk/slam poetry session. Please be kind and if you have nothing to say just dont. I never post here because reddit can be cruel.

I have wanted to kill myself since I was a freshman in High School. I’m 25 now. Life just feels so pointless. I used to be on meds but I can’t get those for a number of reasons largely insurance related but even when I was on those I wanted to die. I was with a long term girlfriend and we recently broke up but even with her I wanted to die. I work a two jobs now and I like both of them and my coworkers. I go out with people all the time. I have an active social life and a healthy work life balance. And even with all that I still want to die.

I am just broken. I don’t think it’s fixable, I’ve tried. I wish there was a world where I can just say “hey I’ve tried everything I can think of and I don’t want to live anymore goodbye”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My dad sent me a message last night with a screenshot of a warning that they must stay inside and find a safe place. Minutes after he sent that, he heard a loud explosion nearby. Then he started to call me on video call. I saw his face, he was safe but I can tell how scared he was. He was playing his guitar while alone in his house.

I cried, it hurts me to see him that way and to think that he’s alone in the middle of a war. He’s working all his life since 21 years old, he is now 58. He wants to work this far so he can give his family the life he didn’t have when he was young. I hope and pray that he remains safe and so everyone that is innocent. I pray these wars to be over 😔 please, stop the wars. I keep hoping that the next day I wake up, the world will be at peace and we won’t hear anything about innocent people dy*ng.

I said “I love you pa”, words that I barely say to my parents bc we’re never the family that say stuff like that to each other 😔

Im sorry for the long read.
My husband (28M) and I (27NB) were celebrating our two year anniversary and after we had been doing a kinda intense drinking game we were both very intoxicated and my husband was looking for his vape juice, and it’s about 2:30 am
I said I think it might be in his car so he went looking, he quickly came back in and grabbed his car keys, before I could say or do anything he ran out, started his car and left..
I instantly tried calling his phone only to realize he left it on the couch, so I had no way to contact him and to know if he was okay or where he went.
I’m was just waiting at home not knowing what to do while he’s somewhere drunk and driving to god knows where, and my only clue was he possibly went to get vape juice and all I could think of was he’s going to get into a car crash and die and I won’t know and the police would have no way to contact me because he left his wallet on the table..

While minutes are passing away in a agonizing pace my heart it pounding and I’m trying not to cry, 5 minutes roll around im sitting here freaking out about to call my mom because she’s an emt and im about to ask if she can watch her scanner in case anyone matching my husband comes across her feed, when i hear my husband’s car pulling into the driveway,
He comes in all giddy, looks at me cus im glaring at him and asked why do you look like that? I tell him cus I’m pissed.
Apparently he thought it would be fun to redline his car cus no one would be around at 2:30 in the morning.

He said all he was was thinking about was that it would be fun and he was just going around the block and then back so it would harmless fun

Not thinking about the fact he didn’t tell me what he was doing and I had to sit there hoping he wasn’t going to die and make me become a widow on our second anniversary.
After explaining this to him while crying and reminding him that I severely disapprove of driving while drunk,
He apologized about the fact that he didn’t realize that’s how I would feel about him just getting into his car and leaving like that and he didn’t know I would immediately start worrying about that and panic,

But he’s not sorry about the fact that he drove while drunk.. because in his words no one was around and it’s harmless..
this whole thing has deeply hurt me, I can’t understand why he did it and I’m upset he doesn’t see a problem drinking and driving
I’m also upset that he didn’t even think about me while he was doing this,
To me his actions reflect that of someone who is single and this should not be the actions of someone who has been married for 2 years… how could he not think of how something like this could effect his family

I’m so deeply hurt by this that I haven’t accepted his apology
And I don’t know how to not be upset about this and I just really needed to rant to get my feelings out

Thank you if you took the time to read this

My boyfriend has always used self deprecating humour, but it doesn’t bother me because he’s very emotionally intelligent and doesn’t let his insecurities affect any aspect of his life.

Since we started dated he constantly makes jokes about how he has a small penis. For reference his penis is about 5inches which is just so average, not small at all.

It honestly really bothers me, I’m starting to think he actually thinks he’s small. And he makes these jokes around everyone. To the point his colleague asked if they could see out of interest.

It’s not my humour and it also seems crazy to me to, even in a joke, share that personal information so willingly with people. Like you know you don’t have to offer it up right?

Why do men do this, any insight on what is happening in his head?

Tw: assault and grooming, statutory r*pe, addiction, abuse

Just found out that my half-sisters/nieces are dead. Let me start from the beginning. This is going to be quite long and off the dome.

I am F44. When I was little, I remember my first memories being in a house with my mom, my dad, and my half-siblings. A brother, who was like 10 when I was three. I also had a half sister who was 14; she was old in my mind, and I remember a lot of yelling, my mother running after my sister because she was "bad" again. I remember thinking it was all a joke, the door slamming and the running. My dad was really relaxed in all of this, which made me think none of it was traumatic. When I was 5, my 16-year-old half-sister and dad both left. My dad leaving was incredibly traumatic. Me and my half-brother would cry, and my mom would too.

I am really embarrassed to say this, but the reason why they both left is because they were caught in a relationship. My then-12-year-old brother had found them in bed; they threatened him not to say anything, but he did tell my mom. My mom apparently went crazy, and they left. I was around 5 and was kept out of all of this. My dad would pick me up weekly to stay at his new place, and I would dote on him and want my dad back, who was my best friend and protector. He was always a big drinker, and I remember the smell would be very heavy on him all the time, but I wouldn't care. The weekly pickups became less consistent, and it would break my heart, but at the same time, it made my yearning for him bigger. When he would show up, I was the happiest girl in the world. When I was around 8, he didn’t come to pick me up ever again. When I was 10, I ran into him with my mom, and he didn’t even look at me. Why didn’t he want me? I was so heartbroken. I also hadn’t seen my half-sister in years, but I just accepted that she was troubled and had run away.

Then, at 12, my mom sits me down and says I might hear a thing or two when I go to high school. She tells me that the reason my dad left was that he "fell" for my half-sister. She says that when my brother was little, she was told they were in bed together. His stepdaughter and her biological daughter was 16, and he was in his early 40s, so she found this hard to believe initially. She then found letters he wrote to my sister and knew it had to be true. She said they ran off together. I remember asking my mom why she didn’t call the police, didn’t he kidnap my half-sister? My mom replied that my half-sister was vulnerable and troubled; her biological dad was very abusive (my mom’s previous marriage was incredibly toxic and traumatic for my half-sister and brother). She said maybe my half-sister thought she liked her stepdad as a father figure and believed it was real. I was in complete shock about this, and apparently, lots of people in town knew. I can’t believe no one ever told me.

I later heard rumors from my mom that there was chatter they had two little girls together. This was never confirmed, and by then it was the 90s and there wasn’t any social media to confirm it, so we just thought maybe it was fake.

When I was around 14, my half-sister (then around 25) showed up with a big belly, she was pregnant! She said she was almost due in a month, and she had a cute man on her arm. She said she wanted to be in our lives again. My mom, to my shock, acted like nothing had happened! It was all, "My girl, I’m going to be a grandmother! My baby!" She started cooking a feast, talking to my half-sister’s partner, and asking what he did for work. He seemed really stable, and my mom was really happy that her daughter seemed so well-adjusted. I do remember now that my half-sister acted like this was her first pregnancy.

Later that night, my mom asked if it was true that she had two little girls with her ex-husband and my dad. My half-sister firmly said no, that those were just rumors. She also wouldn’t talk about the time she was with my dad, only saying it lasted a couple of years. But to make a long story short, they did have two little girls together. They hid it from us; when we would visit my sister, only the third child would be there, and apparently, she would send the two girls out for a long walk. Apparently, the girls were torn between going to their alcoholic, abusive dad’s house or to their mum’s house (my half-sister’s), but she would also throw them out. They became drug-addicted and homeless in their teens because of this yoyoing; one turned to prostitution, and the other tried to live off of men. They seemed to become more stable in their late 20s and 30s, and I would see updates of their lives on Facebook. However, both turned to drugs again, and they both died, leaving behind their kids.

I heard that they died recently, and I was in such shock; it affected me like they were my own girls. I feel like if we knew those girls were my sister’s, we would have taken them in definitely! They were only a few years younger than me. My mom, who has also passed, was a great mom who was just dealt a bad deal with the men in her life, but I know she would’ve taken care of those girls. Those would have been her grandchildren! I am so heartbroken and saddened by what they must have gone through growing up, and I can’t believe we didn’t push harder to verify the rumors or just go to a hospital, I don’t know. I feel so sad knowing that when I visited my half-sister, they were out walking outside, acting like they didn’t exist.

I confronted my half-sister, but she says none of it is true. Mind you, we have PICTURES where my half-sister is photographed with the two little girls on her lap! There are Facebook posts of them grown, wishing her a happy Mother’s Day! I kept pushing and pushing, and she then said, "Okay fine, I met them when they were little, but they’re not mine." I just couldn’t believe it; I felt so crazy. I was so upset and emotional, and I asked her why she couldn’t give her babies to us the moment she didn’t want them. Why didn’t she come and help me take care of our mom, who was dying of Alzheimer’s and dementia? I told her she’s made my life so tough. My sister then yelled at me, "What about me? What about what I’ve gone through?" She left and blocked me on all social media. She still holds the belief we are liars, and only she is right.

My dad is still a big drinker; he is a regular at the pub. Over the years, I’ve had many young girls reach out to me and try to vent about my dad. Surprise: he remarried three times after leaving my mom like 37 years ago, and all of them were impressionable young women. He also cheated on my half-sister. He would hit them, mentally abuse them, etc., and they would reach out to me to tell me what my dad did to them. I didn’t know what to do besides listen, I mean, he practically acted like I didn’t exist since I was 10 years old. I wonder if my mom just reported him back then for statutory rape or kidnapping? What if this never would have happened? I guess it was a different time back in the 80s. I sometimes think of going to his pub early hours before he is drunk and hit him? Tell him how he caused this generational cycle of destruction? I just can’t do it.

I’m in therapy, and my husband knows about this. I try to shield most of it from my kids. I just feel like I needed to get it off my chest. Venting to my therapist is not enough; I feel this moral sickness in me, like something has been rotten since I was 5, the year my dad left with my half-sister.

TL;DR: When I was 5, my dad abandoned our family and ran off with my teenage half-sister after an abusive grooming situation. Years later, rumors surfaced that they had hidden two children together. Those children (my nieces/half-sisters) grew up neglected, became homeless and drug-addicted, and recently died. When I confronted my half-sister, she lied about it despite photographic proof, leaving me dealing with a lifetime of family trauma, a predator father who is still walking free, and overwhelming grief.

Edit: This seems to be a polarizing post. As stated in the TW, this was rape, and of course she is the victim. I am just being transparent about what transpired before she blocked me on everything. I am not a perfect human being, but this is part of my healing process and I am trying to be honest. This is also quite a lot of information to share on the web, so I just hope everyone can read the post and my comments below, and please be respectful. I will try to answer all questions, but I won't answer any that are passive-aggressive or condescending.

Second edit: My dad knew my half sister since age 11. They left when she was 16, she says that’s when the sexual relationship began. They had the kids when she was 19 and 20.

Third edit: Even though this was posted on a throwaway account, I clearly included too many specific details. The post has now reached my dad, and he is threatening me to take it down.

I'm almost 25, I'm a woman, and I've never been in love or had sex before. I would say why but if I did people would just tell me to touch grass and lose the weight.

I feel like I'll never find love because of my body. Even though I'm working to lose weight right now I still have this internalized hate about myself that I've had since I was 5 that nobody will fall in love with me regardles of how skinny or fat I am.

So I just stopped trying to find love and I'm trying to accept that I'll always be single, but it's hard. I just wish fat people were seen as lovable people in society, but we're not. I don't even try to approach anyone anymore in fear of humiliation or rejection. I know rejection is a part of life, but I already have a low self image of myself. I don't need more negativity.

I don't want to sound full of myself to my friends so throwaway.

I am so fucking proud of myself!!! I can't stop looking in the mirror, I look great in everything, my skin is glowing, my body looks fantastic( my 🍆 is gigantic, to the point where it's like.. " where the hell did that thing even come from???"🤣) the hard work paid off big time. People fumble over their words and get shy when speaking to me. I'm getting noticed everywhere I go which at first made me really uncomfortable. it triggered the sub conscious part of my brain that was always noticed for being the BIGGEST person in the room. I always felt like I never belonged anywhere now I feel at home within myself, a feeling Never experienced.

A woman I met today at the park said something along the lines of " you're so easy to talk to , you're so nice." I was like " thanks I used to be really fat so I had to develope a personality. "

So proud of you... Me. You're an inspiration .

Girl voice talking to her dog awwww uu sooo haansummmmmm pinches own cheeks