EDIT: TO ALL OF U SAYING IM AN ASSHOLE that’s like me being homeless and asking a person if they have cash, they say no, then i get mad and tell them next time carry cash 😂 that’s not their job to pay me it’s my employers job. go to any other country and see that this behavior isn’t normal. and grow up

So to get to the point, my friends and i went to this cafe by our college campus , we got there at 6, they close at 7. my friend wanted to get her online exam done so me and my two other friends sat down with her at a cafe.

My friend ordered a soup and my other friend ordered a lox on toast. the waiter went down and immediately brought it up for us. he kept hovering over us as they ate and then at like 6:20 he brings the bill over as they’re still eating. i’ve been here before and they usually put it in an envelope for u, but he threw it on the table face down. we all gave each other a side eye but didn’t think much of it. 15 min later he brings over a digital bill thing over where he charges us— so again he wants us to pay and go 😭 so my friend went to pay for both of the items. they came out to $35 and he said that’s without tip. and she was like, oh, yeah i know. he’s like yeah so u have to add the tip. she’s caught off by his attitude that he’s saying it and then he said, or what? no tip? ok so u know what, next time u come here, take ur food to go and don’t sit down. or matter of fact, don’t come here again. he slammed our dishes into the dish wash thing and we got up to leave.

we were all caught off guard but i knew how he spoke to us wasn’t right so i asked another waiter for the manager. She came up right away and as she was approaching us the same waiter who said that stuff to us was like , why are you still here? who are you waiting to talk to? then i was like mind ur business im gonna talk to the manager and then he comes and tries to take my drink that i already had before i walked in, out of my hand?? like to act as if he was being polite or gonna throw it away for me. and then i told her about the situation and she was really upset about it. but anyways i usually tip at places but my friends and i are college students and they already paid $35 for two small items at a cafe 😭 and the service was just weird?? anyways, thoughts ?

I’m 31(F) and my daughter is 13 years old in middle school. Her dad and I aren’t together and I’ve been single for a while now and she knows I’m lonely, she knows my type and she just wants to see me happy, while her teacher is going thru the same as me right now. My daughters teacher is her science teacher and he’s ten years older then me 41(M) and she said he’s my type doesn’t act his age and thinks we would get along. Anyways she told him my info, he didn’t get into the data base but messaged me on one of my social medias she gave him. We hit it off and have a connection but I just know he won’t take me serious. I really don’t know what he wants or don’t want to ask because I really don’t want to scare him away with me jumping to things right away and make it weird wanting like a relationship right away If I bring it up. As for now, he’s been eating me out all the times we hang out and not asking for nothing in return. He’s not asking me to go down on him or to even have sex with him, he just gets off on eating me out and he does a great job at it. He doesn’t pressure me or even text me about moving to the next level but since he’s been doing that it’s really been having me and making me want it more from him, from him eating me out to fantasizing about having sex and returning the favor for him. The other day I brought it up and he just told me whenever I am ready to and that he respects anything I want to do and am comfortable with. He messaged me right now and wants it again and he’s always texting me about just eating me. It feels so bad because he’s my daughters teacher and then the next day he faces her after he just did all that bad stuff and she has no clue is kinda crazy to me it’s so bad but it feels so good at the same time. Right now I’m going to meet up with him again to do it again. I brought up the next level this time but we shall see all I know is he’s going eat again and I just want it more and more.

Filipino men are so idealistic and perfectionist in a real bad way, it scares me.

So I'm Filipina, and choose to not date Filipino men, I'm not generalizing but from what I have seen, it's very traumatic.

There's this girl whose private video got leak, very pretty girl, nice skin and everything.

Guess what the Filipino men think, say, and do?

Asking for the videos to be sent to them and the worst part is degrading the girl, because her vulva is black and her flap is big, all over Facebook today, that's all the comments, saying "she's pretty, but the vulva is dark, blacker than a burned bread" and "she's about to fly cause of the big flap the girl has"

Like men grow up!!! Girls have different types of vagina..

They are still continuing it like having a darker vulva is the biggest mistake that a girl has, that it's the most disgusting thing in the whole world. Laughing about it all over internet for having a dark vulva and just merely because her vagina doesn't look like the girls in the porn has.

And in conclusion!!!! I won't ever date a Filipino man,

That's is also why Filipino girls prefer to date foreigners, cause at least they don't judge you merely on your vulva and think it's the most disgusting thing in the world.

Initially I had wanted to wait for more information before deciding to commit to an opinion, but reading the statement and chi phi messages clarified that Jane Doe was definitely assaulted.

The discourse around "consenting at first then she got mad about no parties" has nothing to do with what happened on the night. Consent can be withdrawn at ANY time and anything purposefully done outside of what was consented to is rape. That's clearly what happened, she agreed to a threesome with 2 guys but they called 5 more over and drugged her in hopes she would doubt her memory. There are text messages showing them doing this to other women before, they know it's wrong.

As for myself, I realised an occurence 10 months ago was definitely morally wrong and rape. I consented to a rape fantasy with my bf, but asked him to stop if I said so repeatedly. During the act, he tightened his choke aggressively, making me struggle much harder to breathe on top of being penetrated in an uncomfortable position. I was already dizzy and exhausted from the act(first time trying a rape fantasy out and did not like it) I told him this and asked him to stop, to which he responded "so what, it's a rape fantasy", only doubling down to choke and penetrate me harder. I don't know how to describe it, but I sort of decided to disassociate and not be in the situation mentally after realising the person I trusted was eagerly breaking set boundaries. After he finished, I lay on the bed and decided he might have just thought it was part of the fantasy. I asked him why he didn't stop and he just said he forgot to tell me about safe words. But I already mentioned the line for consent... Afterwards, I fawned over him, hoping to will away my discomfort with endorphins from our relationship. We broke up a week later and I kept telling myself this whenever I hear about female sexual assaults, because I just don't want to think I myself was in such a predicament. I would say I missed him for months afterwards despite being the dumper, the criticism people have about Jane Doe not acting like an assault victim is quite ridiculous. People respond differently to crisis, that is why we have 4 categories fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Furthermore it is only logical one would have a completely different response to a stranger dragging them off and raping them violently as compared to a consensual act with trusted people being turned into something that hurts you, and they disregard your protests to continue. Now I read about Jane Doe, I realised rape isn't always getting dragged into a dark alley by a stranger and beaten into submission - it's also voiding pre-set boundaries. So yeah I haven't told anyone and am extremely disturbed right now, but there isn't anything I can do except accept it and work hard so it doesn't get to me.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I've always been a big reddit user but more of a browser or for quick trades and I doubt anyone will read this but I don't know what to do anymore. My friends don't understand. My family doesn't know. All I have is one dying family member and I don't want them to worry about me but I can't breathe anymore.

I received notification from my gfs or I guess my ex gfs parents that she killed herself.

We had some issues I think but I thought they were small. I also truly thought if we broke up we'd always be friends. But then one day she was just done.

Then the threats started. Anonymous accounts. Telling me she'd cheated on me. Telling me she hates me. I think threatening her too but I don't know. Apparently she went back to an ex?? Idfk.

My address leaked online. Telling people to SA me. And I tried to talk to my ex about it. She blocked me. Fucking everywhere. Because that's what all the threats were. Telling us to never speak again and then I got notification she passed away. She killed herself. If she hadn't met me. She'd still be alive right now. I killed her.

I am a strange person. I won't deny that. I come up with thoughts no one would say or dare say. Or maybe everyone has these thoughts but understandably doesn't talk about them. But I am always in need of an audience to answer these questions everyone is afraid of asking

Questions where the usual answer is "Why would you think of that?" Or " why would you need to ask that?" Questions where I got get in trouble on reddit, and those answers would be justified. So, I use AI either grok or Gemini. on rare occasions, i get someone to hear them, and we have a decent conversation about that controversial topic

I'm not saying it's better than a real audience, or anyone like me should do this. I use AI for this because it's easier to talk to because they don't have real emotion. I need something to hear my thoughts, and unfortunately, AIs are the best option

It is better that i talk to an echoing cave rather than just keeping it in my head and keep on wondering endlessly and won't leave

28F, I started seeing this man (33M) two years ago, he was separated from his wife and they had been living separately. I had a crush on him and really liked hanging out with him so we got closer.

We would meet every week and things were going really well, gradually I fell in love with him because there was something so special about him (I can’t describe that feeling), I started to love him more than anything in the world. We would travel together and we had our own little bubble of happiness.

Recently, I got to know that the wife is moving in with him in a few months. I am so prepared for that, as I just want him to be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted. Also, they have a son (4 YO) together and I am really happy that he would get to be with them.

I have no problem in leaving him behind as I know it is for his own good. What is troubling me now is that we are still talking and meeting. I know i would stop it once she moves in but I hate myself for meeting him these days. I know I love him but I can’t ignore the practicalities of life. The reality is that he’s a married man who would soon be living with his wife and son.

I hate myself for it. I am depressed and have completely isolated myself from everyone because I see myself as this shitty woman who’s involved with a married man. Even though I was never the reason for them being separated but I feel like I have robbed his wife of the good times they could have spent together. I cannot share any of this with him or anyone. I have stopped talking to my friends or going out even because I hate myself at this point.

It is not about him choosing them, I have always wanted him to be happy. I’m devastated with the fact that he could not choose them earlier. I still love him but I hate myself for everything. I believe that this would follow me everywhere and I would never be able to have a life where I’m loved.

And the fact that I can’t leave him now is also making me miserable. He just had a major surgery and he’s recovering from it and it will take a few months and I don’t want to leave him alone. I hate that my love for him is making me sin.

I was experiencing heart problems and went to urgent care to avoid the ER. The receptionist told me to go to the ER, which really pissed me off. They still could’ve looked at me and told me it was anxiety related.

I went to the ER anyways. I was there for only 30 minutes and the entire place was dead. That should’ve been my first sign to leave.

They did a quick ECG, found nothing, and the doctor explained to me what heart palpitations were like I was a child. That really pissed me off. I just knew I wasted my time and will be billed an absurd amount for it.

I was billed $5,000 for my visit. I’m probably going to owe like $2,200 or so with insurance. I have the money, but it still pisses me off that I’m paying nearly an entire month’s pay out of pocket just because the ER was the only place at that moment with an ECG to rule out serious issues. Also, $5K? Really?

This experience only confirms that going to the doctor is never worth the financial burden they put on you. It always costs too much. It induces stress and just makes things worse.

I’m going to pay this shit and drop my insurance altogether. I’m not paying $500 a month to get fucked like this. If I’m ever in a life-threatening situation, I’m just going to die naturally instead of going to another hospital again. Fuck this country and its shitty healthcare system.

My husband and I just found out we are 4 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned, unexpected, and accidental pregnancy. When I found out, I was so excited and happy. My husband was happy we got pregnant too. But right now isn't the right time. We just got married a few months ago and weren't planning on trying for a few more years. We're both in our mid 20's, my husband is in school still, and I work OT for my job. We had plans to travel this year and enjoy our newlywed season, but with having this baby we would be sacrificing a lot. There'd be so much financial strain, and my husband has talked about the emotional baggage he'd feel with this baby (which I understand). There's also a lot of opportunities that we're afraid of pushing back or missing (career, buying a house, etc). We have been ruminating over the idea of an abortion. I know that logically, an abortion is the practical choice. But I can't help but feel my heart break thinking about ending this pregnancy and not having this baby. I have already been imagining what our next year would look like. I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with the idea of ending a pregnancy with the person I love. But because I love this person, I want to give more time for just us. Is it wrong for me to think that even if we had this baby we would figure it out? On the flip side, if I terminate this pregnancy, I know I will eventually be okay. But I'm afraid I will regret it or go into parenthood (when we are trying) less excited, more anxious, and somewhat sad.

I've been a vibrator girl, but I decided to take the jump and buy a rabbit and OH MY GOD. Jesus christ I felt things I had never made before, it was crazy. It was booktok(not a booktok girlie but I know the vibe from fanfiction💀) level insane. Like toes curling, back arching, eyes crossing, moaning/whimpering/that-gasping-thing and the boneless and shaking afterward? That kind of insane. In like under a minute. This is crazy because I'm normally real quiet and my orgasms feel good, but that pleasure feels like a pond and the rabbit feels like a fucking ocean, y'know? Anyway, ladies if you're feeling like your orgasms are just kinda fine, I recommend a rabbit- like $30 off of Amazon. Idk idk idk I'm high and happy

I know, that title sounds ridiculous, but I’m being 100% serious. I’m 7 inches, and I’ve only had sex with one other person. Since I just graduated college, I’m out in the real world now, and I’m nervous the next person I have sex with, won’t be comfortable.

The last girl I was with told me doggy was a bit too deep after about a month of being with her, and I felt bad. I’m nervous the next person I ‘do the deed’ with will react negatively.

Can you tell how much I’ve been thinking about this?

Hi. this is a new account because I don't want family members finding this. I'm 17. I need to tell this to someone or I feel like I'll go insane.

I think it started when I was very little, I had unrestricted internet access growing up, I stumbled upon hentai and shit like that at like 6, I had no clue what it was, I didn't even know what sex was yet, but I couldn't stop watching.

at 8-ish I started trying to replicate the videos. i remember I used to go to this hangout club place with some of my childhood friends. The place had practically zero adults watching over us. I remember taking my friends to an isolated play room and putting my hands down my pants while they watched. this happened a few times. I never made them do the same but I did it while they were watching.

I vividly remember this one time I had a sleepover with my old best friend. I don't remember how but we ended up watching hentai and I was trying to teach her how to masturbate while having no clue what I was doing myself.

I think I knew it was wrong, but I was too stupid to realize why.

I remembered all this just afew months ago, and I feel horrible. I have been physically sick over it. no one knows about it.

thanks for listening

I don't even know why I'm posting. There's nothing anyone can do. I'm just looking for a fucking pity party or something.

I think it's time for me to say goodbye to this world. I'm a "tortured soul". My parents were lovely people that raised me to be a hippie creative basically. I have been in anguish almost everyday on this planet. I think society has lost the plot. We've lost our care of the earth, our care for humanity, anything. And this downfall has been documented across history. It's not just our generation, we're not special. No amount of psychiatric care has lessened these feelings. It's only helped me ignore or move past them, but that level of cope isn't a life I want to live.

Outside of that, I recently called off my wedding. That was horrible and stressful. I didn't even want it in the first place. Just a year of unnecessary stress coupled with depression. For nothing to happen in the end beyond thousands of wasted dollars. My "don't kill yourself" dog died traumatically this year too. My "friends" suck and are entirely unsupportive. I have no family.

I have nothing left to live for, and have wanted out of this world for decades now. I have tried. I tried to be happy, to find love. I tried to move on. I kept telling myself, it'll go away when I graduate... Or when I get a job... Or when I get a house... Or when I get engaged... I've hit all the milestones and it's not gotten better. I'm done.

The moment women show men love, they take advantage of it.

Men should stay lonely.

See my wife is very toxic ...she failed in her education , still she wanna act as if she is educated ...

She doesn't have any skill to work but still wanna work ...

She is depressed but still have her ego ...

And life is becoming sooo toxic now ...

What to do guys

So I’m on TikTok quite often, and the amount of advertisments I see and people not realising it is, is actually absurd.

It really pisses me off that they’re just so dumb they can’t even realise it’s an ad

I don’t use Reddit at all but I just needed this off my chest and maybe I was in the wrong and I need to be told that if that’s the case. I’m 20 and I am studying to be an elementary school teacher, it’s my first year.

I got handed an internship by my school for a kindergarten class. Since I have no experience and this would be my first time ever standing in a class like that, kindergarteners are pretty tough.

Here I met my Internship teacher, Katherine. Katherine is this older woman, late 50s maybe early 60s I’m assuming. Short choppy white hair and this fiery, straightforward almost scary personality. On my first day I was honest with her, I told her that I had no experience whatsoever and she said it would be fine. I guess from the start I did find her a little intimidating, but I just assumed I was nervous and wanted to make a good impression.

The first 2 internship days went okay, I did enjoy the kids a lot but she pointed out a lot of mistakes I made, which I appreciated. But as time went on I started to notice that she and I had very differing ideas on how to treat 4 year olds. I didn’t want to disagree with her since she was my teacher and had experience and I didn’t, but some stuff was just way too much for me.

I wasn‘t allowed to talk to the kids, that’ll distract them and that seemed valid. I wasn’t allowed to compliment them, I wasn’t allowed to help them when they asked because ‘they needed to figure it out on their own’ even when one began crying cause they hurt themselves I wasn’t allowed to help or comfort them because ‘they needed to get used to being hurt’. I guess she just wanted them to be independent but being that impersonal with them bothered me. There’s some more scenarios that freaked me out but I don’t wanna make this too long.

The day before my third internship day, I got the news that one of my long time friends had passed away from her eating disorder, after a while it’s hard to reverse the damage an eating disorder has caused and then you know it’s gonna happen but you just don’t know when. I was a mess to say the least and I just couldn’t bear the thought of standing in front of the kids while I was in such a state so I texted Katherine that someone in my life had passed and that I needed some time but that I did find it unfortunate I was missing days. She texted me back with just ‘Good luck!’ which I found a little strange but she is not obligated to care so it wasn’t a big deal.

On my what would be my fourth internship day, it would be my friend’s 1 week death-iversary as heavy as that sounds and while I thought I was ready I just couldn’t believe she had been gone for a week already. And here is where I went wrong, I was sulking so much I forgot to text my Katherine that I was not coming today either.

The next day I did go and when I saw her at 7:45 (school starts at 8:15 for the kids) I told her good morning and I tried to be cheerful, she scowled at me and didn’t say anything back. She sat down on a desk in front of me and told me to ‘explain myself’. So I told her all the details and the first thing she said was ‘so you knew it was going to happen?’ I explained to her that I kind of did but not really, I was just so stunned that she asked that.

She then went on about how I was irresponsible and unreliable for not texting her about being gone yesterday, I told her that I was very sorry and that it was genuinely a mistake. She said that as a teacher you should give it your all and that I just didn’t do that. That even if a thousand people died I should still be there, and she literally said ‘your friend may have died but she would’ve wanted you to move on’ and that did piss me off. She also said that she felt like I just didn’t have it to become a teacher even though I told her I had no experience and how could she even know that about me after knowing me for 2 days?

She said she never wanted to see me again and that I needed to leave right now before she got even more angry and caused a scene, I’m not sure what she meant by that. She said that she would contact my school on my behavior.

I left and just decided to contact my homeroom teacher myself, I told her what had happened and she said that Katherine was just crazy. She definitely was but I just wonder what I did to her that made her so angry? Is taking a week off to mourn something that doesn’t happen in the teacher space? I’m a very calm person and it seemed like every time I spoke up during the confrontation Katherine seemed to get even more angry, why is that? I’m so confused and feel bad about the whole situation.

Same as title

im more of a shy insecure person so this was kinda embarrassing.

we make out pretty much every night for the past week however last night he wanted to go lower. he asked me and i didnt respond so i guess he just took it as a yes.

anyway, felt nice obviously, just didnt expect it to happen.

should i continue seeing him?

It doesn’t make any sense because he’s not like anyone I would typically be into. I’m just his assistant and we don’t even talk all the time. We just had to spend some time together at an evening event and he grew on me a lot.

Awhile back I had this disturbing sex dream about him and I especially wasn’t interested back then. The dream itself wasn’t disturbing, I was just disturbed I ever had it given I hadn’t even seen him in that way.

I have this issue where I love the attention of men much older than I. Big problem for me because I consider my morals very strong and would never act on it. Even thinking about it has become a burden to me.

Few weeks went by and I’m slowly getting to know him better. I like to make him laugh, and I’m desperate for him to like me even though I know he does. We have fun and laugh a lot but it is such a weird dynamic. I caught him staring at my ass at least twice today and that gets super distracting.

I guess I just know he thinks I’m sexy, and I think it’s sexy that he thinks I’m sexy yk what I mean??? Anyway this is fucked had to get it #offmychest because it’s #eatingmeupinside. It’s just idiotic bc Ik it’s wrong but I can’t just drop it??? Like my mind wanders. Chemicals, pheromones all involved it’s just making me crazy. I’m also ovulating.

Ever since i met my boyfriend my life has genuinely gone downhill, i once had so much confidence, happiness, and motivation, and it’s like he sucks the life out of me. We started dating early part of this year, and he’s like the good soft sweet guy, which i’m so into, but i believe he kinda just pretends to be that. Everything could’ve been perfect, till we started arguing so frequently because i always felt something wasn’t right. I’d drive myself insane trying to catch the smallest little thing to prove what i believed, which was that he was cheating on me.

it hurt so bad, because it’s like i knew all along, but seeing it’s true just hits differently.. i can’t even explain it. then what makes it worse is that this guy was cheating on me from the very start of our relationship, till the time i caught him. I’m so damn stupid and broken, because after everything was exposed i’m still in this broken relationship. My self respect has plummeted to the ground, and i don’t believe it’ll get any better till i get rid of him completely.

The hard part about that is he’s genuinely apart of me, he’s in every thought, every dream, all of my free time is with him, i’m nothing without him anymore and i hate it so much, i can’t believe i let myself get this way for a guy like that.

i tried atleast 6 times to leave him, but no one understands how hard it is, i understand he abandoned the relationship when he cheated, but it’s like i don’t have it in me to abandon him, then there’s just a cycle repeating and repeating, im so lost, i dream of being without him and finally being myself again, but i also dream about being with him and everything perfect like it should have been.

Recently i’ve been more into him, i don’t even believe it’s love, i could never continue to love a guy that does/did me that way, but it’s like my heart is attached to him.. every time i go he begs and spams me everywhere, i feel so bad and the bad ways i felt about him somewhat disappear, and im trapped again.

i can’t continue this, it’s ruining my life. I think I’ll have to block him everywhere as he sleeps, and when he wakes up i’ll be gone. It’s so cruel but i’ve tried everything. he isn’t getting better, he just hides it better. i’m tried of having a boyfriend that doesn’t really give a damn about me, i don’t want a boyfriend obsessed with anime girls, and laugh a racist jokes. that isn’t my husband, i’m tried of wasting time because i can’t let go, even though everything hurts me.

I met a girl whom I genuinely started falling for. It wasn't just about physical attraction or the excitement of something new. There was something about being around her that made me feel comfortable in a way I hadn't felt in a long time.

I could talk to her about my work, my life, my thoughts, and all the random things that usually stay inside my head. I could spend hours with her without feeling the need to do anything special. Sometimes, simply being at her home with her was enough to make me happy.

After I returned from the UK, I spent more time with her. Somewhere along the way, I started getting attached to those ordinary moments. I wrote her a letter because I wanted to express things that I couldn't always say out loud.

For me, she was becoming more than just a girl I was seeing. She was becoming someone I could imagine sharing my life with.

But I had an issue that I never fully managed to resolve within myself.

She had been honest with me about her past. She had dated multiple people and had experienced sex without necessarily being in love. I know there is nothing inherently wrong with that. She had a life before she met me, and she never lied to me about it.

But my own views on intimacy are different. For me, sex has always been closely connected to love and emotional attachment. I struggled to understand how someone could separate the two, and even though I tried to move past it, the thought of her past kept bothering me.

I feel conflicted even writing this because I don't want to judge her for being honest with me. She didn't owe me a different past. At the same time, I couldn't seem to make my feelings disappear just by telling myself that her past shouldn't matter.

I wish I had dealt with those feelings more maturely. I wish I had understood the difference between having insecurities and allowing those insecurities to affect how I treated someone.

Today, I made a mistake that may have cost me the relationship.

We were sleeping together, and I picked up her phone to look for nearby movies. While going through the recent apps, I got tempted to open WhatsApp and look at her conversations. She noticed what I was doing.

She became angry and told me she felt disgusted. I tried apologising, but nothing I said seemed to make a difference. I put everything down, pulled my ears, and even fell at her feet, desperately trying to get her to stay and listen to me.

She still left.

She told me it was over.

I know how that sounds. I crossed a boundary, and she had every right to feel that her privacy and trust had been violated. The fact that I was struggling with her past doesn't justify what I did today. She had been honest with me, and I still let my own insecurities get the better of me.

I'm not writing this to make her the bad person. She isn't. I don't hate her for her past, and I don't want to punish her for it. I hate that I allowed my thoughts to reach a point where I did something that hurt someone I cared about.

What hurts the most is that I genuinely liked her. I liked talking to her about my day. I liked listening to her talk about hers. I liked being able to discuss work and life with someone who felt close to me. I liked the quiet moments, being in her home, sleeping beside her, and feeling that I didn't have to be anyone other than myself.

I felt at home with her.

And now I'm sitting here wondering if I have lost that completely.

I keep thinking about how different today could have been. I wish I had put the phone down. I wish I had dealt with my insecurities instead of acting on them. I wish I had understood that trusting someone means accepting that they have a private life, too.

Maybe our differences around intimacy would eventually have become a problem. Maybe I still had a lot to work through before I could be in a relationship with her without letting her past affect me. I don't know.

But I do know that whatever happened before she met me, she deserved to be treated with respect in the present.

I can't ask her to forgive me just because I regret what I did. I can't make her trust me again by showing her how desperately I want her to stay. And I know that falling at someone's feet doesn't undo the hurt you have caused them.

I just wish I could go back to the version of today where we were still lying beside each other, comfortable in each other's presence, and I hadn't done what I did.

It's strange how someone can become such an important part of your day-to-day life without you fully realising it until the possibility of losing them becomes real.

I don't know whether she will ever speak to me again. For now, she has made her decision, and I have to respect it.

I'm left with regret, a lot of questions about myself, and the feeling that I may have ruined something that genuinely mattered to me.

I wanted this to work. I wanted to give it a real chance. I wanted to see where things could go with someone who made me feel comfortable enough to imagine a future.

Instead, I might have turned into someone she no longer feels safe trusting.

I don't know if I'm more heartbroken about losing her or disappointed in myself for not dealing with my insecurities before they hurt someone else.

Maybe it's both.

I just needed to get this off my chest because I don't know what to do with the feeling of having found someone who felt like home and then watching them walk away because of something I did.

I know I have things to learn from this. I just wish the lesson hadn't come at the cost of someone I really, really liked.

I tutor high school students after work and have been doing so for a few years now. The girl I've been seeing since May had started with me when she was in 10th grade. That in itself was an anomaly, I normally take only 11th and 12th graders but her mother had insisted at the time, having been recommended me by someone she knew. I absolutely treated her like a student then. There were zero inappropriate feelings or remarks by me at all in all that time. She was just an engaging student, eager, and someone who took everything I said to heart, one of the few students in recent times who was so particular about that.

She studied with me from 10th to 12th and then graduated high school. During her first term at university she kept reaching out, sometimes sending pictures of her university (which kind of rivals with the one I went to for top spot) and would joke about how much better it is than mine or just occasionally send pictures of some day to day mundane stuff. I would occasionally reply, but mostly ignore it, primarily because I was busy but also because I don't normally respond to students after they graduate from high school and consequently my tutoring sessions. I don't get paid anymore to engage with you so I have no interest in talking to you essentially.

She reached out to me soon after for help with tutoring in university. This was again something I normally didn't do but I said yes, 1st year calculus is pretty easy so I said sure. In high school our sessions were online as they are for all the high school students I tutor, they're from all over the province and so most of them aren't close to where I live, which was her situation too. But her university is close to where I live, so she asked me if we could do in-person sessions and I said sure, another thing that was a first for her.

Earlier this year she asked about my girlfriend in passing. She'd asked in the past too like what I did for valentines day and stuff and like I'd normally allow one exchange before redirecting to studying. I told her we'd broken up, and at the end of that session she asked if I'd want to go out with her once the term ended and I was no longer her tutor. I didn't make a big deal of it but said no. The last session of her second term she asked again and I said no again, but during this time our texting ramped up, we started talking a bit after we were done with coursework, I started dropping her to her apartment too.

She enrolled in another math course over the summer, along with some other courses, and stayed here, so she started tutoring with me again. End of May we went on our first date. Our first few dates, we kept the physical intimacy to a minimum, I had told her I wanted her to be absolutely certain what she was getting into, and partly because it was still something I had to get used to. But we've been in a relationship since then and we're both in a good place. It's just easy and frictionless, the way relationships used to be. After a string of relationships that ended due to not enough time or attention, she seems to understand that time is scarce for me. The startup I joined right after graduation was in its nascent stages back then, and in the past 6 years, as it has become bigger so have my responsibilities and my timings worse. But it's finally not an issue after ages. We let the little things go. I make sure she feels safe and secure and loved, as well as also feels safe to call it quits any time she wants. Since August she's no longer a student of mine and its just us as a couple.

Last weekend I told my best friend since high school about our relationship, almost as a test run I guess. He was wincing when I told him. He was like this sounds like the kind of stuff people say about wanting a younger partner and asked me if it was that. I explained everything to him and it seemed to make things a bit better. He said even though theres no longer a tutor student relationship, there's still the factor of her possibly being enamored and overlooking things. I made it clear how many times I've told her she needs to let me know the moment she's uncomfortable about any of this and we just do what needs to be done. Hell, I'm uncomfortable myself if I sit on how it looks like without any context. I asked him if the context makes things better, he said it did but it still made me seem like a different person than before at first glance. He understands the context and knows I'm still the same person, but he said he has to run through all the context in his mind every time to become ok with it. And I'm just like if this is what my best friend feels like, how would people who don't have the context react and its just been sitting with me at times. This got long, but I guess this was probably more so to recontextualize it to myself that its not the way it looks. There were multiple off ramps. She's safe. We're both enjoying what we have. There will always be an off ramp for her. But that's not the nuance people will understand if my own best friend is struggling with it.

Stop. Please. We can all tell.

Especially if it’s a business. No one talks like that except ChatGPT. Just use your brain. Please. It’s so much more personable. I don’t care how busy you are. Nothing makes me think you are lazier as a business owner than seeing an ai generated caption or flyer. I will not and will never support it.

Thats all.

How does one get over the fact of their own family insisting you are someone u have never been?

If a cis person reads this and doesnt get it... wow congrats, ur lucky. Congrats on ur privilege.

Like yeah I understand why this happens, Im intensely aware that most people just wont fucking understand.

But its INSANE that the same woman who told me to "never call [myself] a man because [my] identity is too confusing and fake" is also the same woman who validates her grandson because he was born a boy.

Its insane that all it takes for respect is genetics. If you dont have the right genes (aka being born male or female) then u suddenly cant have the gender identity that you experience.

It crazy how fucking tone deaf it is when people say "yeah but i was born a man so i am a man" its like, okay now answer how u are a man without using ur body as a reason??? Can u???? How do u know for sure??? Oh seems like u experience gender identity JUST LIKE FUCKING TRANS PEOPLE the only difference is u are cis and lack self awareness.

How is it that my identity, who i am and who i have quite literally always been is so simply dismissed because "im christian" like shut the actual fuck up.

I shouldnt have to fight to be recognized as a man. Cis people just get that validation automatically which is INSANE. Its quite literally putting genetics on a pedestal.

Yeah i am quite angry because i didnt choose this, no one fucking chooses to be trans. If i just chose this than i would simply unchoose it.

It would be AMAZING to just have my family automatically see me for who i am.

Yet they see a stranger who has never existed just because of what society and a fucking book tells them.

I so very want to stop putting up with this "you are a a woman" shit, yet i am not allowed that privilege because "its just a matter of opinion" as if it doesnt fucking erase my very being when someone says that to me.

Its not even a feeling of me trying to prove i am a man, because i know for a fact i am , i dont have to prove it to anyone. Im good by myself but DAMN would it feel so nice to be loved for being myself.

It would be so relaxing if people didnt question my soul every day.

I know itll never be possible to only have people in my life who know i am a man, so i desperately wish i could simply be a woman... but ive never been a woman and i have tried.

Freedom exists. Think what u want, but be aware that this is not fair and is cruel in any regard.