Yep, you read it right. My 11 year-old nephew in the 6th grade is not potty trained. This is my brother’s m35, and sister-in-law’s f31, son.

This Sunday, my nephew and his two sisters came to spend the night until Tuesday. I usually only take the girls, because we are all aware that he is not potty trained. My sister-in-law let the girls know 16yrs old and 14yrs old, that if my nephew didn’t come with them, no one could go. I felt extremely guilty, so I said why not give him a chance. I wrote down a list of rules. One of them was in bold lettering, stating, “please do not have any accidents at my house and please let me know when you have to use the restroom.” he agreed to all of my rules, and that was done.

I spoke to my brother, before I picked the kids up and he said that his son had not had an accident in a long time and that he was confident he would be OK for a couple of days, plus for me not to worry, because his son has a “gigantic pee pad” To sleep on.

I’ll skip to the good part, that’s not what happened. The only time he asked to go use the restroom to pee, was as soon as he got to my house. At that point, I feel great about the weekend, but then everything changed. He drank about three sodas and still no potty break, even after I asked him, multiple times. I cut him off at 8pm, I went to bed after playing a couple of games with him and when I woke up at 1 AM to get some meds for a headache, he was still playing games and it looked like he had not moved from that spot. At 6:50 AM, my roommate woke up to go to work and she noticed that he was sitting on the other couch, still playing games and had about four empty drinks on the side table.

I then woke up for the day at 8:30am, to let my dogs out, and when I walked into the living room it reeked of piss! I woke him up. I made him shower. I cleaned up as much as I could in that moment, because we had so much to do, and I took them to the park.

While we were at the park, we were done walking around, playing on the playground and we went to the tennis court to play. I kneel down to open up my tennis bag, and he kneel down next to me and all I could smell was POOP !! I did not want to put him on the spot, so I asked his sister 17-year-old, too nicely Ask him if he had shit his pants. He said no every time and said that he just farted. I knew that was not a fart smell.

We all get in the car. The windows are down because I have my dog with me, so I can’t smell anything. We get home, I put my dog and the kids in, and I go back out to empty out my car and it SMELLS so BAD, that I started to gag. He took a shit in his pants and sat in my car!!!

I went inside and I completely crashed out on him. I made him shower, again. I asked him to put his underwear and shorts in a plastic bag, double bag it and that he was going home. I called my brother and let him know that I was taking him home, and everything that had happened. He was embarrassed and said he was sorry. I was extremely annoyed, but I finally dropped him off.

When I make it home, I looked around my shower to make sure that there was no shit anywhere, and I had to pee so bad that I opened the toilet lid…… you’re not gonna believe this….. He took the pile of shit that was in his underwear and plopped it into the toilet, DID NOT flush it, then proceeds to add toilet paper, a ton of it, on top of his shit to cover it up. Now, my toilet is clogged. I took a deep breath and I started cleaning everything. I’m on day three of trying to get the smell of piss and shit out of my living room, couches and my car. He is never allowed back in my house after this incident, unless his mom and dad are there.

Sorry, this was longer than what I expected. However, if anybody out there can help me, answer some of my questions.
Is this a mental problem/ issue, is it laziness, is he afraid of something??
His mom says that he’s fine and that he doesn’t need help. She claims that he is already potty trained, BUT he has never once NOT pooped himself, or peed himself since he was born. We also know that he is extremely lazy, and instead of walking over to the restroom to pee or poop, he will just do it on himself while he’s playing games like Grandtheft auto or Call of Duty, or just pee in a laundry basket and get back to playing games. (Yes this actually happened 3 weeks ago at his house.)

I don’t know how else to make this clear to my brother and my sister-in-law, that he needs help. My sister and I feel like if we don’t intervene? this is going to last for the rest of his life.

Edit: My niece just turned 16, not 17, my bad. My brother and his wife went to high school together. Everybody calm down.

Edit Edit: I’m getting a ton of hate, so comments are turned off. I posted this to try and reach out for help. To those that actually gave me real advice, I thank you! I will be going to my brother and my SIL, I will let them know that if they don’t seek help, I will do it myself.

My husband just woke me up in a panic. “Hey, you’re going to be late for work”, but this is a usual day off for me. I tell him this and he throws his body back down on the bed and says “Shit, well I only took today off because I thought you’d be working.” Then proceeds to get angry and act like I’ve done something wrong. As far as I knew, he was feeling sick and took the day off to rest.

So…sorry I guess? I didn’t realize I’d be such a disruption to someone sleeping in bed or sitting on the couch playing video games. It hurts my feelings because the majority of the time I take off from work is to spend time with him. I didn’t realize I was the only one enjoying it.

Maybe I’ll just lay out across the sidewalk today to make my existence a problem to the whole neighborhood/s

Just wanted to say that every time I come to reddit and ask a question seeking genuine advice, I just get flooded with snarky, rude, unhelpful comments. It could be a question as simple as home repairs, skin care, seeking advice about struggles im having at work or in a relationship. It never fails. Even if i respond to one of those comments and say i understand their perspective but wanted actual constructive advice, they double down and get even ruder. Are people here really so miserable?

Edit: this is obviously a throwaway account

I (M28) would never pressure a woman to give up her body count, but my wife (F28) brought it up the other night while we were having fun, couple of drinks... Etc.

She asked me to go first, and I maybe fibbed a little. I had been sexual with two girlfriends before her, but she was my first as far as PIV. I was always self conscious about that, and sexual experiences are technically sexual experiences so I told her I had a count of 2.

She said she doesn't remember exactly, but her body count is in the 70s.

This would've been her count by her early 20s when we met.

It honestly made me feel sick. I'm happy she felt safe to tell me, and I could tell it weighed on her. I literally just don't know what to do or how to integrate that information.

It has made sex with her since then feel different too. Like I know she's done more with other men. She's told me. I respect her boundaries and appreciate our deep, connected intimacy for what it is, but it almost feels like with this new context, I'm the safe/boring option or something. That's all I have to say I guess.

Before I get into this, I just want to say that I love this kid with my whole heart and I'd throw myself in front of a bus for him. His mom and dad are addicts and he is currently being raised by my mom. I take him almost every weekend to give my elderly mother respite. I know most of these behaviors are due to his trauma... but that doesn't mean I'm immune to them and it definitely doesn't mean I'm a complete saint incapable of being drained by them.

Holy shit I can't stand being around him. He has opposition coping mechanisms, which means eeeeeverything you tell him to do, no matter how necessary, he will go out of his way to do the exact opposite, making you regret ever giving him direction in the first place.

For example, he kicked a soccer ball into my cats freshly scooped litter box and left it there. I asked him to grab it and rinse it off, so he proceeds to scream and cry and shove the ball deeper into the box.

His only form of conversation is to say rude and cruel things to invoke a reaction out of you. If I tell him I work in IT, his response is that I probably suck at my job. If I tell him I like a video game, his response is to tell me that it looks stupid and boring.

Other than just being cruel, his other form of communication is to age regress and loudly ask questions a 3 year old would ask. He could do this for HOURS. Why is the sky blue? Why do we have to drive instead of walk? Why do you live with *insert partners name here*? Don't forget this is at MAX VOLUME.

He refuses to wipe his ass after taking a shit, and he will get violent and ruin your entire fucking day if you remind him to. He doesn't tire out. He could scream and kick and break everything in my house for 24 hours with no indication that he's tired or willing to stop.

On top of all of this, he is GROSS. He refuses to use anything other than a T shirt to wipe his nose. He refuses to use silverware and just gets food all over himself. If he is too tired to get up to piss, he will just walk over to my laundry basket and piss in there, and that's without screen time.

YES he is in therapy, YES he is traumatized, YES he is diagnosed AND medicated. But oh my fucking god. Even when he is in a good mood, he just age regresses and proceeds to ask a million questions without stopping. I'm not asking for advice. The advice has been given. We have seen every professional available in the state. I just needed to get this off of my chest...

####child death trigger warning###

Paediatric ER, a young couple comes in. A six weeks old baby with fever. Sleepy a bit at first, but wakes up and cries during the exam. We start the workup, blood, urine and some good old observation.

A call comes in, its EMS, a 17 year old, active resuscitation, ten minutes away. We go into the trauma room, start preparing equipment, assigning roles.

EMS bursts in, mid compressions, and moves him onto the bed. First dose of epinephrine. The mother comes in, screaming, crying. The whole family outside is pounding on the door. We keep going, compressions, epinephrine, compressions, calcium, compressions, epinephrine, intubation, compressions, thinking of other ideas, nothing... we keep going.

Twenty minutes pass and the looks starts to change. We all know we should stop, that there's not much point anymore, but the mother keeps crying and screaming, who are we to stop? So we keep going, a little longer, for her.

Another twenty minutes pass and now it's clear, Enough, that's it.

Now all that's left is to give her time alone, with him.

I leave the room, sit down at the computer, and then remember. I still have that young couple from before. I check the lab results, see that everything is normal, the baby is vital, active, breathing...

I walk over to the parents, smile, and say "Well, it's probably viral.”

I was using her phone in the morning in the bathroom, I noticed she had been acting weird the past month about her phone so something made me decide to take a quick scroll through her messages and photos. She was sexting a man, she had been texting him for months- to the point where I saw messages that said I love you. And this was the second time she’s been in contact with him during our 4 years relationship. I should mention we are living together so she was doing it while I was around.

I woke her up and when I confronted her on the topic with the limited info I had, she lied to my face- told me it was one of her coworkers and that the convo just went to far.

The tune changed completely when I figured out how to pull up the recently deleted messages and she had 1000 messages hidden. It was NOT a coworker, it was a man she met online years ago before we started dating and she carried on a sexual relationship with him. They had a like a Dom/daddy relationship going on.

As soon as I pulled up the deleted messages she just flipped a switch, she no longer wanted me to read the messages even tho minutes earlier she told me I could look at anything if that would make things better. So as soon as she decided she wanted that phone back she started grabbing it, and me.

I was admittedly desperate, trying anything to figure out how we could make this work. She wanted to deleted it all, and break her phone. I knew that if she did that I could never forgive her and would never get closure.

I still had the phone, tried to get to the bathroom so I could continue reading but she tackled me And was hitting my stomach so I’d let go of the phone. At that point I decided to run out the house, we wrestled over the door but I got out and ran around the block with her phone. My stomach had some nasty bruises after.

Looking back I should have just given her the phone and walked away. That’s what self respect looks like. Leaving her would also look like self respect but I just can’t seem to.

i dont really know man. im 23, had always felt like nobody could ever want sex w me. i had posted on an r4r subreddit of my city about wanting to give oral to a woman, as it had been a long time fantasy of mine, she dmd. me, a 35 yo, gorgeous woman in my mind.

she came over the next week, we met in public first, went for some drinks, then my place. things happened, it was nice. then the next week she texted me if she can come over after work, and she did. things happened again.

she told me she had alot of fun. and told me to text her whenever.

i texted her the same day saying i had alot of fun and that i hope to see her soon again. two days after i texted her again just to see that i was blocked.

kind of insane. i kind of feel sexually inadequate, i hope thats not what it was. women have never really been into me in any sense, especially sexually… so im kinda just struggling, because… idk. i think i need sex in my life and i now struggle seeing how i can find it

Not much to say, she was like a more senior employee a couple years older than me but in college with me, very tiny pale blonde woman. I always thought she was cute but when she said that she looked a lot cuter to me.

29F. I make great friends. I have excellent customer service skills at my job. My customers love me, to them, I’m charming and they even remember my name.

I’m so close to my friends. It’s a few of us, but we bonded.

Men? LOL I’m the “fun girl” to them. Just sex, nothing more.

I just don’t get it. I have great social skills with my friends, and complete strangers at my job. But when it comes to finding a man who wants to get to know me, it feels impossible.

I’m not complaining. Idk what the point of this post is. I’ve just been thinking heavily lately about why I’ve been single my whole life. And I guess, maybe it’s not for me. Maybe I’m not meant to have romance in my life. I just don’t get the disconnect. Thanks for reading my pointless post, enjoy your day/night friends :-)

I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood lately, especially since becoming a parent myself, and I keep coming back to how we lived at my dad’s house and wondering how any of the adults involved thought it was okay.

My parents were separated, so we went back and forth between two very different homes. My mom’s house was normal. It was clean, we always had food, and we didn’t have to ask permission to eat something that was in the cupboard. My stepdad and I didn’t get along very well when I was younger because our personalities clashed a lot, and we had some pretty explosive arguments when I was a teenager. We’ve since become really close, though, and as an adult I have a great relationship with both him and my mom.

My dad and stepmom’s house was completely different. We had to ask permission to eat anything, even something like a granola bar. I shared a bedroom with my two brothers, while my younger sister slept in a toddler bed in my dad and stepmom’s room until she was around five.

Our bedroom was right beside theirs and everyone slept with their doors open, so I would regularly hear my dad and stepmom having sex at night. I hated it. If I had to use the bathroom, I’d lie there and wait until they were finished because I didn’t want them to know I’d heard them.

My dad also had absolutely no respect for my stepmom. He called her “woman” and would tell her to get him a plate of food or refill his drink, and she’d do it. He never lifted a finger when it came to housework or cleaning, but it’s not like my stepmom did any cleaning either.

The house wasn’t just messy. It was filthy. Dirty dishes would sit on the counters for weeks. Garbage would fall on the floor and stay there. The floors were always sticky and the bathroom was disgusting. The house itself was falling apart too. There were places where the wallpaper and plaster had come off and the studs and insulation were exposed. One of our cats died after eating insulation.

The house always smelled like cat pee. The litter boxes weren’t cleaned regularly, so the cats would eventually just poop on the bathroom floor. Sometimes I’d try to clean things myself, but we didn’t even really have cleaning supplies, and I was a kid. I wasn’t even ten years old yet.

We also had a dog that we really shouldn’t have had. Nobody walked him. My siblings and I weren’t allowed to because the adults didn’t trust us to take him ourselves, but then the adults didn’t take him either. So he went to the bathroom all over the basement floor.

The dog poop would sometimes sit there for so long that it dried up and eventually disintegrated into the carpet. I remember crawling around the basement playing Nerf guns with my brothers and having to avoid piles of dog poop. It was just a normal part of playing downstairs.
I tried having friends sleep over once and they all ended up leaving. One of my friends called her mom crying because she thought the house was so gross. I was absolutely mortified.

When we’d go back to my mom’s house, she’d make us shower and put our clothes straight into the wash because we smelled. I don’t think she actually knew how bad it was, though. She knew the house was messy and obviously knew we came home smelling like it, but I don’t think she knew that we’d been crawling around on a basement carpet where dog poop had dried up and crumbled into the carpet.

We originally did week on/week off between our parents. Once I got old enough to have more of a say, I stopped staying at my dad’s for full weeks. Eventually I stopped sleeping there altogether because I couldn’t stand it anymore. One of my brothers eventually did the same.
I don’t speak to my dad or stepmom anymore, and they’re no longer together anyway.

Lately I’ve been thinking specifically about the house and how many adults must have seen it. They had people over all the time. People saw the mess. They smelled the cat pee. How did nobody think there was something wrong with kids living like that?

They weren’t hoarders. They weren’t alcoholics or drug addicts. There wasn’t some obvious reason the house had gotten into that state. They just seemed to be okay living like that, and I still don’t understand it.

Now I have a child of my own and I can’t tolerate filth. I’m fine with normal mess. Dishes can sit in the sink for a few hours after dinner. Laundry doesn’t always get folded right away. There are usually toys somewhere they aren’t supposed to be. That’s just having a home and a kid.

But I can’t deal with actual filth. Food doesn’t get left sitting around. Dishes get rinsed even if we aren’t washing them right away. Garbage gets picked up. I have a dog and four cats now, and we have multiple litter boxes that are scooped and cleaned every day. My dog gets taken outside. If one of the animals has an accident, we clean it up.

I look at my own kid now and I can’t imagine being okay with him crawling around on a carpet covered in old dog poop. I can’t imagine him being embarrassed to bring his friends home because he’s afraid they’ll think his house is disgusting. I can’t imagine him leaving my house smelling so bad that someone else has to immediately put him in the shower and wash all his clothes.

I think becoming a parent has made me realize how little control I actually had over any of it. I couldn’t buy cleaning supplies. I couldn’t make my dad walk the dog or clean a litter box. I couldn’t fix the house. I could try to clean, but I was a little kid and it never should have been my responsibility in the first place.

I don’t know. The older I get, the harder it is for me to understand how they were okay with us living like that.

In our 40s, and I’m recently divorced, and she’s a single mother. Somehow we found each other, and it’s been nothing but bliss these last two years. Coming from a narcissistic cheating ex wife to this feels like being able to breathe again.

My issue, I’ve got major, and I mean diagnosed MAJOR imposter syndrome. I just have moments where I either feel unworthy of this woman, or I feel somehow I’m going to sabotage this because I have to make myself right.

I’ve already told her I’m going to marry her. Hell, I married the wrong woman, I cannot turn down marrying the right one now even though I swore off marriage again. However, she’s kind, she’s beautiful, she’s successful, has a great family, her kid adores me, we now live together, and she just loves me.

The sex is incredible, she’s funny, she’s interesting, she’s got amazing morals, and will calmly talk out a situation. We fight over food. She thinks well done steal is acceptable, and pronounces “plantain” in a way just to piss off my Jamaican sensibilities. Other than those two glaring crimson red flags, she’s amazing.

So, we went ring shopping. She picked out exactly what she wants. I am getting a deal because my client owns the store. This woman goes into a rant about two things in the car:

1: she should have to contribute to the ring because it’s BS a man has to spend all that money towards something that’s for her for her life, and even though we should fight the patriarchy, that doesn’t mean taking advantage of men.

2: I got into collecting watches, and if I’m buying a ring, then I deserve a watch of my choice.

Uhmm, maam, it’s my honour and duty to buy you the ring you want and deserve. I don’t need the help. Besides, my client is taking very very good care of me. I can afford this, no problem.
We’re in our early 40s, and she just became jaded. Men have failed her, and I get it, but still, she deserves the pomp and circumstance. I did it for the wrong woman, I want to do it for the right one now. Absolutely not.

On to the second issue, well less of an issue. She has now asked me 5 times in the last month to send her options of watches I want. Watches are my thing, and I buy styles, not prices. I just don’t know how comfortable I am with her buying me an engagement watch. Granted her reasons are kinda funny.

Her baby daddy, when they were together a decade ago, had once said in response to her asking about them getting married “what do I get out of it, are you going to buy me a watch?!” Stupid, but she wants to be petty and buy me a watch because that’s what he wanted. It’s literally the only reason I’m endorsing this. He and I get along great, but he is in fact very self centered.

Anyway, I’m off on a trip to the Caribbean for a bachelor party for my friend tomorrow, and I’ve cleaned the house, filled the car with gas, and have her breakfast prepped. I just needed to get things off my mind. She’s amazing, I can’t wait to marry her, and I need to be kinder to myself. We deserve each other.

Thanks for tagging along on this 1:30am ride

never really thought I would get to this dark point where everything is falling apart around me. My wife has been struggling with severe kidney failure, and just to stay by her side and take care of her, I had to leave my job and all my income. We hit absolute rock bottom financially, couldn't even afford basic tests. For years we wanted to have kids to build our family, but her health made it impossible, and we just carried that pain in silence. After a long, hard struggle I managed to cover the initial diagnostic costs on my own, and we finally found out we are a match. After deep thinking and a mental battle, I made my final decision: I am donating my kidney to her and I won't walk away. But then my family found out and turned everything into a nightmare. They are demanding I abandon and divorce her because we have no kids and because I've "sacrificed enough." When my wife found out about their pressure, she broke down crying, telling me my family is right and I should just leave her to die. I'm sitting here completely alonejobless, childless, and standing my ground for her despite everyone. I honestly don't know how to survive this

I wish i was never born here , wish I didn’t have to see racism every time i open social media, I wish I could see myself as a person instead of a stereotype , I wish I was a stronger person and mostly I wish the world was a kinder place.

$1200.

That is how much it has cost me to be in this wedding. It's not even my wedding.

My suit rental. A "mandatory" trip out of town in a place where everything is overpriced to party for 1 night that ended up being so fucking stupid. Rehearsal dinner. Whatever else.

You didn't pay a cent for the trip - we covered you entirely because "We're getting married, all of our money went to that". Fuck you. And when I wanted to back out of the trip because I didn't want to spend $700 you both guilted me to no end until I gave in.

Great. Fuck off. You invited us to your wedding and then we are expected to pay for ourselves and you. There are 10 of us in the wedding party and between us we have shelled out over $12,000 towards this and that doesn't even include gifts and time away from our other priorities to cater to you.

Twelve hundred fucking dollars. And I spent the literal minimum every time.

And you expected us all to stop our lives for your wedding planning and outings, as if we don't have our own things going on.

And what's worse is that every single god damn day you messasge me saying "OMG I AM GETTING MARRIIIIEEEEDDDD!". Shut up. And quit asking me if I'm okay with things. I'm fucking not but if I tell you that, you'll create a whole dramatic situation out of it.

Fuck weddings. I can't wait until it's over so I can actually tell you how I feel. And I'm absolutely not the only one who feels this way.

I am never doing this again.

I weigh 287lbs and I'm only 18, I've always been fat, my parents hate to cook so we almost always had fast food. I've always been excluded at school, always struggled with gym class, I barely have any friends. I struggle to find new clothes, I struggle with tying my shoes, I struggle with walking for too long. I just wish I was fucking normal, no boy looks at me, no one thinks I'm pretty because I'm so huge.

Posting this on Reddit cuz I can't say that to ppl ik irl because they all say "you're not fat, you're beautiful" no I'm fucking obese, ik it's stupid but I just wish someone would find me attractive

My boyfriend (M28) and I (F26) have been together for years, and we have an almost 3-year-old son together. I’m also currently pregnant with our second child.
Recently, my boyfriend told me that a new coworker was going to help him get into coaching a children’s basketball team. He seemed excited about it and mentioned that it’s something he’s wanted to do for a while.
I responded lightly but supportive because I genuinely thought it was a good opportunity for him.
However, he laughed at my response, said it was weird, and accused me of being fake happy for him.
That’s when I decided to explain something that had been bothering me. My boyfriend has never taken our son on an outing by himself. He doesn’t take him to the park, plan father-son activities, or really initiate spending quality time with him outside the house. When he’s home, he’s usually doing his own thing.
I’m typically the one planning activities and outings for our son. For example, I recently had free tickets to a children’s attraction and wanted us to go as a family, but my boyfriend didn’t want to go.
So I explained that while I was genuinely happy about his coaching opportunity, I found it a little disappointing that he’s excited to dedicate his free time to coaching other people’s children when he doesn’t show that same initiative with our own son.
I even mentioned that our son is almost 3 and could absolutely start learning basic basketball skills or at least accompany his dad to the court sometimes. Obviously, I don’t expect a toddler to play organized basketball, but it’s an opportunity for them to bond.
My boyfriend responded by laughing at the idea of teaching a 3-year-old sports, telling me to “stick to being a mom,” and eventually saying, “I’m good, you could do it.”
He also said he wasn’t going to coach anymore, even though I repeatedly told him that wasn’t what I wanted.
I never asked him not to coach. I actually think it could be a great opportunity for him. I just wish he showed that same excitement about doing things with our son.

And that’s fine, I don’t think anyone making small talk with me realizes that!

I just tell them I’ve always wanted to live in Europe, and I fell in love with London so I stayed. I’ve built a life here now.

I’ve lived in the UK for 5 years now, I still need another 5 for residency unfortunately bc the visas I’ve been on so far qualify for the 10-year route (let’s hope my company sponsors me lol, it should be a yes but director needs to confirm).

But why is the question difficult for me? Well, yes it’s true that I like being in Europe etc etc. The real reason I got pushed to start a new life far away is bc I grew up with a very manipulative, sinister, narcissistic abusive mother. My dad was an enabler in her abuse and my brother has taken after my mom unfortunately. My mom has done and said things to my siblings and I that are so horrific, it would make you wonder how she wasn’t arrested. She fully exploited my sister for example and my mom even pretended to give me away once.

The trauma from my upbringing impacts my daily life. I’m always convinced my bf is suddenly going to be angry with me and will hate me. At work if I made a slight error with a calculation even, my whole body shakes from fear, even if no one notices anything (bc people in my org make mistakes daily with the workload we have).

So, I would like to stay far away from my family (minus my sister) and the setting I grew up in for as long as possible. I’ve built a life far away with very normal, kind, stable friends, and now a very loving and peaceful boyfriend. I never want to experience what I had the first 23 years of my life again.

So that’s why I am choosing to stay so far from California, or the US generally.

But of course, I’ll never say that to a stranger I just met who’s asking why I’d leave sunny California for gloomy London.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I've always been a big reddit user but more of a browser or for quick trades and I doubt anyone will read this but I don't know what to do anymore. My friends don't understand. My family doesn't know. All I have is one dying family member and I don't want them to worry about me but I can't breathe anymore.

I received notification from my gfs or I guess my ex gfs parents that she killed herself.

We had some issues I think but I thought they were small. I also truly thought if we broke up we'd always be friends. But then one day she was just done.

Then the threats started. Anonymous accounts. Telling me she'd cheated on me. Telling me she hates me. I think threatening her too but I don't know. Apparently she went back to an ex?? Idfk.

My address leaked online. Telling people to SA me. And I tried to talk to my ex about it. She blocked me. Fucking everywhere. Because that's what all the threats were. Telling us to never speak again and then I got notification she passed away. She killed herself. If she hadn't met me. She'd still be alive right now. I killed her.

im pathetic. i am a pathetic spineless woman. ive let myself get dogwalked by a fuckinf manchild. i dont even know what to do anymore. My friends hate him. My family hates him. almost three years together and the one thing ive asked of him is to get a fucking drivers license. which would do nothing but improve his situation and open up better job opportunities but he’d rather be a dish jockey for shit pay, shit hours, snd cash in MAYBE 600 every two weeks. A FUCKING JOKE. i genuinely can not believe i am still thinking about this because when we got together (my first ever relationship mind you) we were invited up to oregon for his family reunion/ gma bday. i asked if he could get his license so we could split the TWELVE HOUR DRIVE. he said absolutely, then didn’t. also, he had messed up the dates so bad (by an entire week) i had 24 hours to scramble to get my animals situated w a petsitter. then drive for a day 1/2 to oregon, visited for two days, the day we were supposed to leave my bf asked if we could spend one more night, i agreed because i felt bad. my petsitter had left that afternoon. i had to pay my neighbor to check on my animals thruout the evening / next day as i hail married it back to la.. on the ride home he asked if i could take him back to his house because he wanted to play VIDEO GAMES. (12 hour drive, 14 if you want to be technical) coming from oregon, we reached my area first (he lives 40 MINUTES FROM ME) and i told him i dont feel like driving another almost two hours and im not driving past my house i need to get to my animals. he tried making me feel bad and said i made it seem like i wouldve taken him home then snapped at me when i started apologizing and offering to do so. that still bothers me. i feel so taken advantage of. especially now, thinking back. he was my first everything, i wasnt his. my close friend and longtime crush felt the same about me snd thats all that really mattered at the time so i let things slide. My first birthday together, he didn’t even make me a card. His birthday was a month before, I showed up with a card, gifts, cake, new clothes, etc. not that items matter but its the thought / effort. When your girlfriend is driving 85 miles round trip to see you almost every day and paying for all the gas id expect at least something…?? Nope. Nada. And in front of my grandparents too. He calls me the next day asking why IM being weird. You can’t put two and two together????? Around the same time I watched him lie to his parents asking to end him money so he could take me to a movie I had wants to see, he spent it on alcohol and cigarettes. He doesn’t know I saw that. 6 month anniversary? I drive of course. I buy dinner to share, he eats it all. Then Christmas rolls around, he gets a card and gift from me. What do I get? Nothing. he tells me it will be late, that’s okay. I get the run around a couple more times till I just drop it. first anniversary, can’t remember what we did. I know I drove and paid. Second birthday, I take us to my store of choice to pick out things. He pays. Its $27. This is the first and only gift he’s gotten me for my birthdsay. And I picked it out.. its not sentimental or special at all. I just want someone who takes me into as much consideration as I do them. And its not the items, its the milestones I seem to be celebrating for us… by myself. Second xmas, NO GIFT! This time I dont bother getting him anything. I did get some things from his parents, which he tried taking credit for. If these are our holidays and anniversaries can you imagine a regular day. I have spent thousands of dollars on this person. lending money, groceries, gas to see him, utilities, etc. I finally start arguing about his clear lack of…… anything. andits just excuses and shit like “you dont even believe in god so why would we celebrate xmas??”

We got into a really bad argument over the summer. I wanted to break up. he tried jkilling himself. We didn’t break up. I take his BAG OF STREET PILLS HE WASCOLLECTING TO SELL out of fear he would kill himswlf with them. I initially planned to flush it but ended up keeping them out of frustration and wanting to end my life. I dont want to kill myswelf because of this person, I already had issues but im so insanely depressed over this relationship so it doesn’t help.

last month he told me his dad wanted to ask if I could cover $200 of his rent. wjem HE lost his job becasue he fucking SUCKS at EVERYTHING AND HAS NO DRIVE TO BETTER HIMSELF . NO! NO NO NO NONNO!!!!!!!!!! NO! You aren’t in school you barely work even part time you have enough fucking time to get a better job. i was working a full-time job by then. I CANT ENABLE THIS ANYMORE

thruout all this ive been expressing and exhausting the same conversation: YOU ARE NOT CONTRIBUTING OR PUTTING IN EFFORT FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP . He says he is because he chose to stay and date me after his parents moved to oregon when we got together. That him staying in California and paying HIS rent is his effort. We dont live together.. So how does that benefit me? I feel like im being talked to like I dont understand the dynamics of our relationship. that I should settle …. Want to settle for this. I am settling. That is what I am currently doing.

I can’t articulate my feelings Im so upset. I just needed to type it out, poorly. sorry there are somany other things I could talk about but my brain is mush and im so frustrated all I can do is sob.

At the end of September the company I worked for got let go, I was able to secure a new one at the same location or better pay and way more hours (which I really didn’t need because I was working fulltime but more money yk) 6 hours before my first day I had to quit. my childhood dog got sick and declined very quick. My dad was leaving for tour within the next couple days and I had to be there for her. We spent my birthday in the ER tending to her. my 24th birthday was spent listening to my dad weep over our dog and his own mortality. Very very depressing. Nothing but a short pathetic birthday text from my boyfriend. No attempt to try and see me by public transport knowing I was going through a lot and my dog was sick with liver and kidney failure. My dad left on the 30th and late that evening my dog starts rapidly declining. Im freaking out, all alone. my dad is across the country not answering his phone. bf barely takes me seriously as im. Freaking out and is tiptoeing around the idea of me getting him an uber,. I uber him to to my house at 12am (85 bucks btw while my dogs dying) and she passes away in ,my arms an hour later. He couldn’t veven make the decision to say yes to an uber I bought so I wouldn’t be alone. And was my birthday two days prior. We hadn’t seen each other in a week bc I was dealing w my dog.. not to mention. No birthday card or even a verbal happy birthday in person… next day I find out a very close family friend has died of cancer. she didn’t tell anyone, she didn’t want us to feel bad. Im getting hit with shit from all ends. theres so much more I could add but im frazzled and this is already so messy. We bury my dog after a long day of digging and crying. He tells me his tinnitus is getting worse with the stress of it all. that night I break down and drunkly admit to my boyfriend that Ive been planning on killing myself and I still have his pills to do so. holding me down he smacks me around. forces me to tell where i’ve hid them. Fine whatever. Pills are flushed. i sob myself to sleep.
Next morning I wake up to him having sex with me. I dont reciprocate. he moves coldly away without a word. I sob myself to sleep. Later in the day i casually bring int up and he apologizes thinking I was ready. I feel bad, I also feel bad his ears are ringing worse than usual. Later that night I initiate, feeling bad. He cums in me. We never agreed to that I dont consent We’ve never done that before. I start having a panic attack as he’s hovering over me blabbering how its my fault, im scaring him, making him feel like a rapist. He starts tweaking out. I end up leaving and regulating myself in the other room. Then come back to help him. The next day I pay for the birth control. Feeling dirty I take it. I never have before and I am over 165 pounds so I also have ti worry about the effectiveness of the bc. Fun. My boyfriends ears are ringing are he makes the next week of my grieving about him. He doesn’t want to be in the house so we leave. But he then he doesn’t know where to go and wont tell me as im driving aimlessly aeround. this man who should be comforting me is demanding I do MORE FOR HIM. While im on a suicidal bender. I eventually breakdown again and tell him I can not help him anymore and that im going through a lot and can’t play nurse for him and it has already been a week of it. He told me I should keep the to myself and as a partner its my duty to be there for him in his time of need. But what about me? Ive spent literal months of our relationship pandering to his tinnitus. He couldn’t not make this week about hi.m. and when we finally had a big blow out over it he laughed in my face and said its a stupid argument.

An hour ago I tried to discuss how I wasn’t rlly okay with him having sex with me right after a suisidal breakdown and he said im not going to bring myswelf to care about this andsoemthing along the lines of you aren’t going to make me feel bad for wanting to kill yourself,.. that wasn’t the conversation at all but I let him shut it down.

Right now he just saiid I looked “really bad” going into his work tonight (bringing him his phone) because of the underhead lighting or something.. and when I didn’t really respond he just kept saying it. I ended up burrying my head into my arms and holding my breath out of pure frustration .

Clearly the relationship has run its course.

So it's one of those stories where I slept with my boss, she's 27F and I'm 30M, let's call her Jessica, I recently moved to this new state this is the first job I got and she was in on.of my interviews, I noticed she was attractive and totally being my boss I didn't think much more than that. A few months later we met accidentally at this bar where we interacted and she touched my forearm. I didn't think much but I felt something like an attraction, throughout the whole night I acted like I wasn't interested because I was already talking to this other person then we went to an after party with coworkers, then after that party we saw each other at work and worked normally, but in the later weeks I noticed her kinda looking me a certain way, and maybe I did too but I wasn't aware, the reason I say this is because a lot of my coworkers were asking me if I liked her, they seemed to see an attraction between us and I always turned it down saying things like nah, or shes my boss there nothing going on, she would do the same (she would tell me about it, I would just laugh) then it happened I stopped talking to this other person due to having a lot of red flags (a long story for another day) then it happened again we meet again at the bar not planned, went to a house after the same one as before, saw the same people then as the night proceeded we both were drinking, she dancing and eating sweets and then I ask her to give me one she then kissed me and passed me the sweet in her mouth to my surprise no one saw, then after I dropped her off we continued to kiss/make out. We both knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it. Fast forward a few weeks after going out on dates, then I slept with her, then we continued to make out and kiss during work hidden from the cameras and everyone. I know what we did was very unprofessional and it didn't last long before she was not interested in me, I felt for her really bad, I started having dreams about her type of way, I couldn't get her out of my mind and it was messing with my personal and work life. I moved on and I know there's gaps and more to the story but it would be too long, I wanted to get this off my chest for the longest, now I feel much better.

I love my boyfriend. I just feel such a deep and true love that I need to express it. I tell him, but I always feel like I’m at a loss for words and need to do more. He knows I love him—he tells me so every day—but I need to love him MORE. The most beautiful thing of all is that this intense feeling is mutual. My life isn’t perfect, but even so, I feel like I’m living in a dream. I’m grateful to be able to love and to enjoy the love I give. He’s the love of my life, and he makes me happier every day.

My father has a habit of addressing women as "woman" instead of their actual name when he's upset with them. For instance: today he was upset at a person at my college for tailgating (we commute) and he said to them "Slow down, woman" before proceeding to drive exactly the speed limit to annoy them. He does a similar thing to his current girlfriend too.

With men, he'll also do something similar, where he'll either address them as "little man" or make some sort of comment about them being insecure about their size, and this is both constant and consistent mind you. He especially does this when dealing with pickup truck drivers and people who have offroad vehicles, which he's told me he thinks are pretentious.

It's something that's always bothered me because it just seems sexist to me. Like, these people have names, use them. If you don't know their name, just refer to them as "them," like is it really that hard??