Dear diary incoming:

I always put the pressure upon myself for sex to be very passionate and intense, and felt that I should be dominant as the man. Bc I thought that's how sex should be in its most vanilla form, and is what women expect. ONSs always came with a lot of stress and performance anxiety, so they were never really enjoyable for me, and neither were they for the other party bc of the erectile dysfunction it caused. I just chalked that off as 'ONSs are not for me'. In relationships I was able to enjoy sex, mostly due to the emotional connection, but still there was on and off EP and lots of self imposed expectations. My partners were always more into it than I was and had higher libidos. I convinced myself that I'm just not that much into sex, maybe slightly towards asexual on the spectrum. 'Amazing sex' had no meaning for me.

At some point I realized that what I really wanted was different from what I thought I should want. There was a lot of shame involved at first. I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid to give in to it. I felt that if I'm not into intense sex, I must be broken somehow. But now I'm slowly starting to embrace it, and it feels so nice. The thought of having a sex partner to just lay in bed with, naked, cuddling, kissing, slowly exploring each other's bodies without expectations, is very exciting to me. Whether it be a ONS or a romantic partner. Exchanging sensual massages, really focusing on the sensations and taking our time. Hell yeah.

I didn't yet get to experience this with someone, still need to find a likeminded partner lol. But just feeling excited about the idea of having a ONS is liberating.

I guess I'm here looking for a sense of community and understanding. I'd be interested to hear similar stories, though not excluded to the same preferences I have. This being a sex positive community, I'm open to hearing about every area on every sexual spectrum. Yay for sex!

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Hi,

Wasn't really sure where else to post. For some background I have watched lots of different porn since I was 7 years old. And I was addicted for a long time and this was to various types genres etc.

A few years ago, I married my amazing wife and we are both virgins but had some ideas about what we wanted to try. If I am honest I think both of us may be switches but I feel she is naturally more submissive but wants to try things to make me happy which I'm grateful for but don't want her to feel pressured or lead to resentment if she's not enjoying things.

My fantasies honestly vary greatly. I don't know if it's because of previous porn use but they vary significantly from domming my wife so hard and having multiple women submit to me, to being extremely submissive to my wife and wanting her to enjoy others whilst she tied me up. I honestly don't understand how it can vary that much.

The issue is that obviously with my history porn is not healthy for me and so it's not good to watch or use as a resource to explore my kinks, secondly I don't want to put pressure on my wife as I think we both agree that it's best to keep our relationship exclusive.

But I do get strong fantasies to totally submit to her or even try TPE, but then again I'm not sure how to explore this or find out more and I also don't want to pressure her.

In the same way, I then feel these strong fantasies but I don't want to hurt her or involve other people but then it leads to sometimes feeling strong unmet needs and I am genuinely unsure how to navigate all of this hence I'm posting on here

I have a tendency to feel attracted to women I'm friend with or acquainted to, especially in any activity group I'm in. I rarely actively pursue them, but if they happened to initiate anything sexual, I definitely would not say no. But I feel like a pervert, a terrible person, for thinking about my female friends and acquaintances this way. I constantly fear one of them finding out I think about them in this manner, that they would be disgusted, they would warn everyone else about me, I would be ostracized, and they would be morally and ethically right to do so.

How do I stop feeling this way?

Okay so like...this may not be the right place, but I have no clue where else to put it. I am a (I think bisexual) 25 year old virgin male, shocking haha I know. My parents didn't teach me anything about sex, and I was jome schooled. Everything I "know " about sex was learned from porn, and I realize that a lot of that is bullshit. I recently made a friend who is quite the opposite, and she has been gently nudging me to consider "getting out there and exploring or having fun", which I greatly appreciate, however....I have no idea how? And even then, I am frankly really scared of being that vulnerable and exposed in front of anyone. I've also been stuck in this...idealistic fantasy thst "the one" will just show up when I least expect it. I know that's not how life works. I think I was / am just trying to convince myself of it, so i dont have to actually put in the effort and embarrass myself, or fail, or go through heartbreak, or get cheated on. I even tried to force myself to think I was a sexual for a bit. Is this something that only therapy could fix? Does anyone else have similar experiences? I don't know...thanks for reading if you made it this far

My wife's birthday is coming up and she's been hinting at wanting me to surprise her with something special/new for her birthday. She hasn't asked for anything specific yet and I don't think she has something in mind. She brought up how she used whipped cream on my birthday during oral as an example of something special.

I've been wracking my brain to try and figure out something that would be special for her without straight up asking her and ruining the surprise.

Things that she likes: Doggy, being a brat, missionary with a vibrating cock ring, rough sex/BDSM, shibari, choking

Things that she doesn't mind but won't ask for: Oral, fingering, making out, nipple play

Things that are a hard no: Feet, Anything involving her asshole, CNC, most extreme fetishes

This isn't an exhaustive list, but I figured this would help with different suggestions. We've also been experimenting with chastity lately. I was the one who wanted to do it, but she's been enjoying being a keyholder.

this morning i was enthusiastic enough to try to create a little order in my crazy sex toy drawer.
ended up sorting through my tracy's dog collection well i have a pretty clear obsession with their air-suction stuff.

not pictured: a suitcase in the back of my closet full of cheap, unloved vibrators that almost buzzed my clit off, the random suction cup dildo sticking to my bathroom tile, and all the charging cables i constantly lose.little navy pouch in the middle actually saved me on my last weekend trip way easier than shoving them loose into a tote.
honestly pretty satisfied with this drawer setup now, even if my friends think i've completely lost it.
how do you guys store your toys so they don't look like a total crime scene?

Tonight there's a free meet up at a bar near me. Its for sex positive people and swingers. I want to go. I have no expectations and am not going just to hook up. But I am introverted and prefer if a woman approaches me. Also nsfw conversations tend to be very easy for me to get into and I dont want to scare people off. I feel like I should go and try to meet new people. I just dont want to compete for a woman's attention with 20 other dudes. Thoughts?

I’m 31 but she’s still looking out for me.

I (33F if to matters) found myself on a corner of TikTok where women were expressing their disgust at finding out their male partners masturbated to porn and feelings of resentment and hatred toward the women in the videos, some sounded even obsessive over it. Some comments even claimed it was a factor in ending their relationships.

To each their own of course and relationship boundaries differ, but particularly the disgust expressed toward men was surprising to me. It’s one thing to say your partner looking at porn actors that look nothing like you makes you feel a certain way, it’s another to be apparently disgusted by them being a sexual creature and giving themselves pleasure.

Is masturbating an ick for anyone?

Me ‘33F’ and my boyfriend ‘28M’ live together now and I have a higher sex drive than him currently (and maybe indefinitely). We’ve been together one year and friends a year before that. He’s a recovering opiate addict and is currently getting off his medications that also lowered his libido and sensitivity. We have sex about 2-5 times a week compared to his solo pleasing with porn about 3-5 times/month. I’m not anti porn and don’t want to take that away from him as he has some good reasons for watching it: he has some intimacy issues from past abuse and occasionally uses it spur of the moment as a quick release where there’s no one to please or consider, no one watching, zero stakes. And for him it’s entirely different than irl sex and he also acknowledges it can most definitely cause issues in relationships. He says it’s like escaping with a drug and he says he doesn’t think about it and simply & quickly watches and climaxes when he gets the urge. He’s also asked if it’s such a bad thing that he occasionally seeks “more” or “variety”, which was tough to hear but also my logical mind understands that women and esp men are hard wired for novelty seeking. He’s reassured me he’s very attracted to me.

I am afraid that he’ll desensitize himself and his pleasure to real sex with me, and delay his brain and body’s progress to feeling the best he can with me (not in his head, and have total sensation etc). Of course porn is a massive dopamine hit and can do that if in the wrong amount compared to irl sex. And the numbers bring me solace for a bit, as I know he’s generally prioritizing me over porn (sex and being emotional available and a good partner). I’m also afraid he’ll seek porn for the kink and not want to translate that to our sex life…we’ve grown vanilla and he’s acknowledged that and told me why. And for him, things have to come naturally and he doesn’t like to be told what to do if he believes he’s done nothing wrong. He has a lot of shame so consider that. And also, I’ve pushed him past his comfort zone with all this and it’s driven a wedge between us. It’s paradoxical, because the more we talk about it the worse our sex kids will be at this point. I just I wish he’d choose me to re-wire his brain with rather than with porn but also, he is doing that with our semi-frequent sexual encounters.

I go to therapy already fyi

Sex for him with me has gotten better since he’s been Cali sober (plus nicotine vapes) and tapering off his meds and he says that his climax to porn is “piddly” compared to our sexual encounters. Still, it really bothers me that he would even at times rather spend his sexual energy on a screen rather than with me, plus he know how much it destroys me but he genuinely doesn’t think it’s affecting our sex life. However, I’m at the point where when I leave I am consumed by the idea of him jerking it to porn and having none left for me when I get home. It’s ruining my life….or I’m driving myself crazy. Idk.

At first I would compulsively want sex from him to prevent him from watching it (I still enjoyed it but it was insane), and now if I even suspect he’s watched it while away or if I ask and he tells me he has, I shut down and have hard time shaking it.

I’m looking for advice especially from someone who has had experience with opiates, sa, porn addiction, and/or someone who has a healthy relationship with porn who is also in a loving and sexually active relationship like we have. Maybe I’m being selfish here.

We’ve talked about this so much and I’ve really pushed his comfort and we’ve gotten heated with it and it’s all beginning to cause a wedge in our relationship. He assures me he’s attracted to me. He’s also asked why it’s so bad for him to occasionally seek variety or “more” that porn provides and that women and men especially are hardwired to seek variety and that doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to me or not satisfied: to him masturbating to porn and sex with me are entirely different things. Also I know that his frequency isn’t a lot when compare to our sex. But all and all, I’m still finding myself hung up and bothered by it.m and it’s truly ruing my/our days.

What are some tools I can employ to prevent feeling awful anytime I suspect he’s watched it? And is there a compromise we can reach?

This isn’t a deal breaker for me as we have a good relationship otherwise.

TLDR; It makes me extremely uneasy knowing that my boyfriend watches porn even though we have significantly more sex than he does that.

The only women who are interested in me are ones I’m not attracted to. The women I’m attracted to aren’t interested in me. I’m still a virgin at 37 because I just can’t bring myself to have sex with someone I’m not attracted to. The idea of having sex with someone I’m not attracted to makes me so uncomfortable. But I don’t want to be a virgin any more. What do I do?

I'm a guy in my mid-20s who is a virgin who wants to try and change that. A big issue is I'm extremely overweight but am currently losing (450>350). Being this size has resulted in a large fat pad and a hidden penis. When erect pushing the fat down, I'm average at about 6 inches, but when it's not pushed, it's much smaller. When I lay down, maybe 4. When I'm standing, maybe 2-3. I've read a lot of men really struggle to lose the fat pad, so I'm not sure how much better this will get.

So, my concern is how much PIV sex is really possible. Anything with a woman on top, I think, should be fine. But anything else I see being an issue, particularly with condoms staying on. I think I'm verily open to trying to give and achieve pleasure in other ways, but I fear this may get too boring for a potential sexual partner.

So to the women on here. Would very little or no PIV sex be a dealbreaker for you, provided the person was also trying to please you in other ways?

Have your personal experiences influenced your preferences or fetishes? Have you ever wondered where your fetishes actually come from?

Hey all. Sorry if this isn’t the spot to ask, please point me in the right direction if it isn’t

The title pretty much explains it. But for some context, I’ve only recently been able to start exploring sexually (both solo and partnered) despite being well into my adulthood. And I’ve discovered, I’m a squirter. Much to my annoyance 😅

It doesn’t matter how much or what kind of stimulation I’m receiving, it still happens. Buzzing, rumbles, suction, air pulsation, penetration, no penetration, even just rubbing one out.

It also happens before orgasm. It’ll happen just bc I’ve decided to give myself a little bit of attention 🤦

It’s rather annoying, as I’m pretty much confined to the shower for playtime. So if anyone knows anything that might help… please help me out 🙏

I'm a older male and for the sake of context, happily married but in what has been a gradually dying and finally dead bedroom. It's not a big deal, I manage...

My alternatives are amateur porn, ideally produced for and motivated by exhibitionism and the sharing of pleasure. I particularly enjoy women on the "sluttier" side - anonymous sex, additional male partners, cuckold (but not humiliation), gangbangs, etc. I'm not unusual :o/

I love to see the women in these situations enjoying themselves - but what I am baffled by is the lack of lubrication in many of these videos.

So here's the thing: there's little to no monetisation going on - I avoid Onlyfans etc, so I see the presence of lubrication or "cream" as a sign of authenticity and enthusiastic physiological consent, as it were, and it really turns me on.

I appreciate not every woman lubricaties the same amount, but some are lubed so little...

Have I just had partners that produce a lot of lubrication? Is vaginal dryness more of a problem than I thought?

Or am I watching a woman being coerced into an act?

Edit: do people not read posts? I'm talking about distinctly amateur porn, with partner either behind the camera or on front of it. Not pro porn.

Wife and I are going on a cruise and wanna try some fun meetup roleplay stuff with each other.
Like leaving separately, meeting at a bar pretending we’ve never met, different names/backstories, one of us trying to pick the other one up, etc.
Looking for actual scenarios/setups we can play out around the ship. Funny, flirty, sexy, whatever. We’re both totally into it and wanna really commit to the characters 😂
What scenarios would you try?

My wife and I have talked a little about free use. It’s something she’s brought up to me and in theory it sounds hot. We are already clothing optional around the house when we can be so that barrier, as it were, is already down. I’m curious if anyone here has experience with free use. I’d love to hear how it worked, how it went

I love giving my gf massages, but I need to know what they use in massage videos. Not the thick nuru gel but the thing they dispense from a bottle on a belt or smthg similar.

I am curious cause they use this oil everywhere, like even while massaging the clit and labia. Is it really lube? Cause we have tried lube and it dries out pretty quick.

Any help and experience is deeply appreciated!

to keep it short, l started masturbating to porn when l was 19 years old now l am 26, l used to do it usually once or twice a day and sometimes 3, but l used to feel guilty about it and l seriously thought that jerking off to porn is somehow harmful to my brain, i don’t believe in religion but i had a deep religious upringing which makes me feel ashamed of my porn use, the issue is l was also taking OCD medication since 2019 for another reason and l was completely normal, but the problem started when l tried to force myself to stop masturbating to porn completely all at once (cold turkey) l was really worried that l won’t be able to stop because l felt like l was compelled to porn, my OCD got worse, my mind keeps telling me that i have OCD, it’s like i am fully convinced that i suffer from OCD even though my neurologist tells me the opposite,the obsessive intrusive thought is “ i have OCD” it doesn’t stop, when i was addicted i was really normal, i didn’t have these symptoms at all, l haven’t even heard about any situation like this before, l talked to my therapist about it and he prescribed me some meds but it’s not helping so much, what do i do? I just want to move on with my life but i am so stuck, i really need advice

What’s it like to be attracted to yourself? To be your type, so to speak. To look into the mirror and genuinely enjoy or love who is staring back. To feel sexy and confident?

I hope this doesn’t depress anyone, I’m just curious. I’ve never been my type or someone I’ve particularly enjoyed looking at in the mirror. I don’t feel confident or a whole lot of physical attraction to myself but I know others do. I imagine it feels incredible. I hope it is. I hope I feel it for myself one day.

I’m very fortunate to have a loving partner who says I’m her type. I don’t get it really. But I’m really glad she does and I’m goin to hold onto that.

I am specially interested in the answer of queer women as wlw sex defies the usual categorization , but everybody is welcome to give me their perspective

Edit: would you always said "we fucked" if the other person pleased you with their hands?
I think I w worded it badly. I will try again in another post

Hi all -- I am 34F and my husband 37m have the best relationship. i have always wanted to do experiment and i think he is down (i have to talk to him more) but it turns me on thinking about having a threesome with him. I want to do it but don't know where to go. I don't want to do it in town...so do we travel? do i go somewhere where its legal? Costa rica? i dont know. i need some insight. I am scared to do it but i really really want to. What if i get jealous? lol. but even that turns me on. I can't believe i am even writing this and thinking about it. I am not ready for full blown s** but maybe starting with oral? Any recommendations would be helpful. Definitely don't wanna swing or do it with someone we know, or even remotely know or we'll see again.

We had all the sex, for months, but that was years ago; and while I have a deep bond with her, I am satisfied with the sexual relationship coming to a happy conclusion way back when. We don't live together. Never did, never planned to. And while I don't feel bad or sad she's gone, I still love and respect the hell out of her. It appears the feeling is mutual, but it's not intense or urgent in any way.

So I frequently feel the urge to drop in, catch up, make sure she's okay and has everything she needs -- and then repeat this a few times a year forever. There are occasional little flirtatious winks and nods when we meet up, but nothing beyond that. She's happy with her partner and I'm living with mine.

I don't know if this post-sex relationship has a name, but I consider it the ideal conclusion to a relationship.

No drama, no resentment, no lasting regrets -- it ended successfully and with affection.

What is this called?