I know I probably shouldn’t be using Reddit as a reliable space for dating advice, but I was so shocked at home many people were rude, dismissive, and just pure mean to me all because I mentioned I am Ace. (27M)

One comment that bothered me most was when someone said “I hope nobody ever dates you, you are not normal”. Another one said “I would never love someone if they told me there were Ace, you guys don’t experience love”. A 3rd comment said “I hope she runs away from you and you never date again”.

I feel like there is a stigma for asexual men in particular that makes people feel okay to make fun of them?

I know I shouldn’t be upset by harmless Reddit comments, but it honestly did hurt me, and now I’m questioning even going on a first date with a girl I really really like. We matched on a dating app where I had the Ace/Demi tag in my bio, so she is aware of my sexuality. Should I just ignore all those comments and go on that date and do the best I can?

Sorry mods if this is not allowed, I’m just feeling very vulnerable and like I don’t belong or that I’m broken at the moment.

Publicly im aroace. Privately and also Redditly apparently im an aromantic aegosexual.

Tbf does the public need to know my relationship to the concept of sex?

I just do not think of myself as queer. I can be romantically and emotionally attracted to women (I am a man) and find them and their bodies attractive, I just am not sexually attracted to them or have a desire to have sex with them. Idk maybe I'm just spouting straight bullshit (non intended pun) but I've always just thought of myself as a straight dude who doesn't particularly care for sex. I'm afraid it comes from a place of internal homophobia as a practicing Catholic who used to be kind of homophobic when I was in middle school. I've also had bad experience with sex so it may just be that. I wasn't abused or anything I was just younger and stupider than I am now and thought that if my girlfriend asked me to the normal thing to do would be to fuck her. If I'm just schizo and overthinking it, please let me know.

Sorry if I'm using the wrong tag but considering I can't use multiple I figured this might be appropriate since I saw previous posts semi related to the question.

So I'm a 20yr old male who's been fairly sure I'm aro/ace(demi at most) but I've always had a high urge if that makes sense? I used to masturbate and then the urges went away but it felt kinda disgusting after idk if it's the proof on my hand, or getting no joy from the release and just doing it so the urge goes away.

I doubt it's me being interested in sex, my only experience I ended up liking her more than the sex.

But I recently went to my local Walgreens (for an entirely separate thing) and ended up coming across an isle dedicated to sexual wellness and saw male toys which I'd never really considered before.

I saw a lot of women asking about toys but not a lot of men asking or commenting about them so I was wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? Would toys be healthier than just masturbating to get the urge over with?

I just got a new magic the gathering precon because I was into TCGs a while ago and my friend recently got into magic. Being a good friend I decided to get back into TCGs and ask to play a game this weekend. Told my family I was going to a friend's house (who happens to be a girl) and they all went "oooooo is it a date" and "is she really just a friend." Hell my sister went on to make a bet saying I'd marry her in 20 years. And this is on top of when I told them about her adding me on Instagram about half a year ago and having the exact same reactions.

Like I just want to play a game of EDH guys

Hi, I (18AFAB, Genderfluid) am neurodivergent.

I have ADHD, OCD, self-diagnosed Misophonia, undiagnosed Dyscalculia, undiagnosed Dysgraphia (my mom tried to get bring this up to my elementary school—I switched the 3rd year and she brought it up one final time. The OT during my IEP meeting (ADHD) stated how “It wasn’t necessary as every kid their age starts writing in the middle of the page, not at the edge when starting a sentence…also every kid their age also has terrible writing.” Thanks a lot, OT. You also wanted me to rewrite the same word 20 times..) anyways, and I used to Maladaptive Daydream. I also recently discovered I have contact dermatitis to Red 40…but that’s unimportant! I’m getting off track.

The main focus is ADHD and OCD (possibly a warning for intrusive thought mention?) Also with the fact that I am a micro-premie (born three months early) and I develop or go into certain stages (hormones and realizations/obsessions) in my life later. Somehow puberty has been normal.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in second grade. I ended up switching schools in third grade as the teacher didn’t really know how to deal with my meltdowns. I spent a lot of my childhood daydreaming. When I neared my senior year I found myself wondering: “Why do I still daydream? It’s the same story, I want to know why.” So I stopped and then I started getting strange, disgusting thoughts which caused me to remember that I had this happen in the past as well.

I went through a few more stages where I would daydream but I didn’t realize that my symptoms were OCD until I came across a community post made by a YouTuber friend(?) about OCD in August of my senior year. The symptoms aligned with mine, so I commented. She wrote back to me that it sounds like I have it but needed to get diagnosed.

This whole time I thought OCD was just the misconception…that it was just putting things in order…super obsessively.

I ended up getting so concerned for my mental state that my mom got me a therapist who would evaluate me. II got officially diagnosed in early August right before I moved for college.

I end up getting a lot of intrusive thoughts. Some id rather not say, but some of them like POCD and before I realized what it was I thought I was a monster. My mom probably just thought I had a wild imagination when o hold her that “mean future me wants me to do this!” But a lot of the time I thought that if u didn’t do something the world would end or my loved ones would die.

This is probably not the subreddit to go to for this, but what’s great is that these intrusive thoughts make us people with OCD less likely to do this stuff! It could probably happen in some case but not usually.

Before this, I didn’t really find myself feeling a sexual attraction to anyone, same as now, but that could’ve been because I was young…but I heard that teens like to experiment with that stuff.

After I experienced the intrusive thoughts, I stumbled upon the term “Orchidsexual.” Sounded about right.

But this? This is two in one and goes more in depth!

Everytime I see something about being asexual it's always about dragons cake garlic bread or invading Denmark and I can't feel connection to any of the jokes and people have previously said that I'm not asexual because I can't relate to any of the jokes and it just hurts to be told I'm not asexual by other asexuals and I just want a place to be asexual without people being so mean to me

as the title suggests, I'm curious whether there are people who'd been hypersexual as a child and/or teen but later lost all interest in sex.

for context I am a 23y/o man and had been pathologically addicted to masturbating/sex since I was a very young child. though hypersexuality in children seems to be somewhat associated with abuse, especially sexual abuse, I have not been through such experiences at all and yet I'd been the literal definition of hypersexual growing up. obviously my parents were concerned and they tried to help but unfortunately their intervention only taught me to be more discreet about my sexual activities. so yeah, I would think of sex all day, masturbate (and later have actual sex) whenever I had the opportunity, etc.

naturally I grew immensely ashamed of this over time, especially since I learned that what I was doing was not normal quite early on. yet there seemed to be no way to fix this... until I turned 19.

ofc my sexual thoughts/desires weren't just snuffed out all at once, but over the span of a few months it gradually subsided and then just stopped existing entirely. like I just don't feel interested in sex anymore. the idea is not appealing (though tbf it's not disgusting either, I literally feel nothing about it) and porn or other sexual contents started coming across as boring or distasteful.

to be honest this is much better than the crazed state I've been living in until recent years so by no means do I want a 'cure' for this situation, but still I can't help wondering what exactly happened in my brain. did I burn through all my innate sex drive that I was supposed to ration out throughout my lifetime? or perhaps I'm subconsciously associating sex with shame now? the latter seems unlikely because I feel no aversion, but still, I'd love to hear of similar experiences, if there are any.

I'm struggling to find I am truly asexual or if its a mix between childhood sexual trauma and very low self esteem.

Part of me has always felt I haven't had any sexual relationships- or serious relationships due to the fact I have severe low self esteem, lack of experience, and some past trauma. However more recently informed have began to think i might be asexual.

One of my more recent relationships I was kissed and then the guy started to get really touchy in public and I just played it cool and ended the night very quickly. I immediately got in the car and just bawled. Ive only kissed a very few people in my life (nothing past that) and I feel absolutely nothing. I dont even like to kiss. I find sex interesting- almost like the mechanics of it, how you feel, how you even get to that point, what things look or feel like, but the thought of it almost repulses me thinking of my self doing it or recieveing. In my head id like to find a partner to finally have sex with but in reality anytime anything came close I break up or ghost. I even thought at one point it was just men and Im really actually attractive to women. But I think deep down I dont want anything truly physical with any gender. I think its just the thought of it and the social stigma with a 34 year old virgin with no experience that keeps me going back and forth.

Is this because of my own personal issues or am I asexual? Ive read a lot of information but struggling to find something that hits both trauma and self esteem.

Any advice, personal experience, or further reading or podcast would be great. Just looking for some direction and answers for myself.

(22, she/they) i’ve been out as a lesbian for awhile, but i have never had sex. i feel like the fantasy of sex sounds great and i have a libido and feel a need for release sometimes but when it comes to the idea of actually doing something with someone i find it kind of terrifying/kind of gross potentially?? i don’t know how to tell if i am asexual or just inexperienced. i’ve identified as demi for awhile as i rarely experience attraction/have crushes.

i’m potentially entering into a relationship with someone who is also on the ace spec and also has no specific label. i guess i’m nervous, right now i’m super chill not having sex, but what if later i decide i really do want to try it out and they don’t? or vise versa? however in the past i’ve also felt anxious entering a relationship with someone who is solidly allo, because again, i have no idea what i want my relationship with sex to be.

me and this person get along perfectly in almost every single aspect so it’s just scary. the idea of this becoming a problem later on.

i dont know how to tell if sex is a curiosity thing for me or something i actually want. like obviously i can live without it as i have for my whole life, but it’s like something i think i might want to try with the right person. but since i have no solid evidence either way its like no matter what i’m scared to start a relationship with someone. i’m scared if i date an asexual ill end up completely out freaking them and we won’t be compatible. and i’m scared if i date an allosexual i wont be able to give them what they want because i am not actually a freak.

what i know without a doubt, is i want is love and partnership and intimacy. i want that. the fact that sex is also a factor makes relationships really scary to me

does this make any sense at all 😭😭 anyone with similar experiences have advice.

Hi guys! I am 27F from South Asia. I have been facing serious pressure from family to marry. I have been talking to a 28M but I find no attraction to him. Problem is I think I am demi sexual. I have been only attracted sexually to one guy in my 27 years of life. I find it very hard to emotionally attach to a man and without the emotional attachment the thought of sleeping with him just feels revolting. I failed to form attachment with any man I saw from biodata pictures. I think meeting them would have a different effect but what if I do meet them and still unable to feel anything. My family might push to proceed with the marriage. They are very traditional. I don't understand myself. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I don't find any man attractive. I tried thinking if I am into girls but I am not. I only ever fantasized with men. I am just not into any real men. How can I form attachment to real men?

before I start, I'm sorry that i'm not good at english

i have a girlfriend and she know that I'm asexual&cadesexual

of course we are young and she isnt asexual, so i understand she want skinship

i know that she wants to go on a one-night stand with someone else

but i cant allow it... how can i do?

she say she really love me, but she need to satisfy desires

i also feel that she really love me, but she just need some shinship

i hope that i'm not scared of skinship...

I met one time a woman wanted me so much she wanted children with me was not possible for my asexuality and the sex was the worst thing ever happened to me. Now I'm trying searching but is difficult so I'm alone. My uncle has 62 years is alone, I know people in my small town who died alone but they were fine to be alone. Maybe my destiny until the end of life will be to be alone. I do not know if in future robots will replace humans. But in terms of humanity maybe we will be alone.

Came out to my wife that I have discovered that I am asexual and explained it has been a reason why sex between us has not been working and that my sex drive has been very low and basically non existence which has resulted in dead bedroom.

She tries to be accepting but its little difficult for her as well since sex is important to her.
Has anyone came out to their partners, and how did they react?

I've been doing some self-reflection lately, and wondering why I seem to be having a "hoe phase" while hating sex. I love the kissing, the cuddling, sometimes the grinding, but never the actual act of sex.

I don't like having my genitals touched at all. I find them repulsive and hate the fact that they are even on me. I like doing things for other people though, I like making them feel good but the sex always ends up unsatisfying for them because they want to do things to me as well.

But this leads me to my next point, which is that I love "sex that isn't sex". I've always loved little short smutty stories of vampires and seeing how intimate being taken and bitten really is. I love the trust and closeness, and the fact that the thrall has to give up something of their own for the vampire to get anything feels very much like my sex life.

This is not a bad thing, I enjoy doing things for people! I just hate how it always feels like I need to have sex for them to be satisfied. Why can't I find someone who gets that? Someone who likes the oxymoronic "sex that isn't sex". I like hypnosis, having souls be intertwined, being examined like a toy or object of fascination, but never as a human to be fucked. I love bondage, but just the being tied up part. I love the feeling of being intimate and seeing everything someone hides. But never the sex itself.

Does this make any sense to anyone? Would this even count as asexuality or is it something else entirely? Just so confused.

There’s this guy I’ve been talking to. He’s understanding and empathetic, never pushy and matches my humor pretty well. He’s the second person that I’ve ever confessed that I’m autistic to. He has been helping me with touch therapy by offering to shake my hand and giving me first bumps- it’s never forced and always lighthearted. The only thing is that while I can get past the touching thing since I’ve been doing exposure therapy for the past few months, he admits that his love language is physical touch. We all know what a guy means by that. I just can’t do it. I like him so much but I know it’s not fair to be in a relationship with him and deny him sex, which I feel like is pretty standard in a relationship. It’s so fucking unfair. He’s the first person that I’ve ever really liked- I mean REALLY liked. I want to be with him but a delusional part of me was hoping that he could just look past the no sex thing and we could be happy together. Are there any couples in here that are together that don’t have sex? How do you make it work? Is it possible?

If sex is what makes us human then what am I? I'm a biromantic asexual. I don't feel human at all. It doesn't help that asexuality is hated by both the LGBT people that I've met and straight people along with me being bisexual ("just pick a side"/"you're either gay or straight"). I feel disgusted with myself like I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve to find love. Who would love me anyways?

Edit: I've been rejected so many times in my life. I'm 21. I've never had anyone show genuine interest in me and I'm not very attractive at all no matter how much effort I put into my appearance.

Hi, so I have identified as being on the ace spectrum for many years now, however I have recently come to terms with being a lesbian instead of bi like I thought I was.

In this discovery, I have caught myself looking at women more. I find how they look to be attractive, but I don't think I'm actually attracted to them. I don't want to have sex with them, I just think they look sexy, if that makes sense?

I've always heard from other aces that there is a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them, so I'm trying to figure out how to identify the difference in myself.

This isn't a troll post, I'm brand new to the concept of asexuality, I have always thought I was completely straight, but the idea of a relationship is pure horror for me. I have an active sexuality and have sexual feelings toward women, and even want relationships, but actually entering them and being around women physically is terrible and I would rather not have any sexual contact or relationship at all.

I am really confused and am wondering if anyone else feels the same way?

so im 30 (yes im unc, i know) and i‘ve been questioning wether or not i am asexual since i was 16. Or like I know I am. I was SA’d 3 times in my life. At 16, at 23 and at 29. Ever since I first got SA’d, I had this strong dislike towards sex. I found it repulsing. I never wanted to have it because to me, it’s not important in a relationship. At 23, I was almost graped. At that point, I knew I was asexual but I didnt want to accept it. I thought I was an alien for not wanring sex. I told myself I didnt wanna make any decisions until I experienced sex. Well, I hooked up with a friends friend and told him I didnt wanna do oral. He forced me to do it for minutes but i guess i froze to the point where he just had to move my head up and down and then it didnt make him c*m so he stopped. I then went non verbal and he tried to put his ding dong in me but it didnt work cause i was cramping up my bottom area so hard without noticing, so he told me its not working out and told me to “fuck off.” So at that point I knew for sure I was ace cause i still didnt see the need to do that ever again. 2 months before my 30th bday, I was SA’d by someone who knew me fkr 10 years. I was completely non verbal but was forced to touch his thing and made me stroke him. He asked if he could c*m which i said no to. I actually went to the police after that but ig nothing is really happening? Or Maybe he was fined and I just wasn’t informed about it? Anyways, after that I just knew even more that I never want anyone to touch me in a sexual way. I want a relationship, i want hugs and kisses and cuddles but i do nkt want more than that. But most people have a normal sex drive and im scared that i’ll never find a partner because they’d want sex in the relationship, which i just cannot give. I am 100% sure im a sex repulsed asexual but because my fear of never being loved romantically because of that, makes me want to force myself to just enjoy sex. Part of me still believes im just broken and faulty for being ace. Im not saying every ace is broken. Im talking about myself being broken. Like me being ace is just me being faulty but when others are ace, its totally okay yk? idk i think so negatively of mysel. Anyone else feel like that? Have you found a partner who’s okay with not having sex? i know a lot of ace people still pleasure their partner cause they love them so much but i cant even give that... its 5 am and here i am ranting lol sorry about that

Coming to terms with where I am on the ace spectrum has been an amazing journey. It has made me feel better about past events in retrospect, now knowing what I was actually going through in my connection to people and those I loved. It put into the context the value I give to platonic love, to maintaining friendships, and that it is normal to want to remain single. I have been able to let go of a normative time line for life and not feel like I am falling behind. In the end, it has given me the space to be myself.

However, I am in my mid-twenties and the older I get the more I see the people in my life grow distant as they prioritise the things that allosexual people do. Their partners, romantic connection, and building a home for families. I think that is beautiful in itself and would never place things on a hierarchy of importance myself. But I recognise that for my friends who aren't asexual, they are more committed to certain relationships over the friendship we have. Commonsense tells me this is normal, this is what happens as you get older. But for me, it is losing the closeness I have with my friends. It is losing the found family I had. It is knowing that I will never be as important to my friends as they are to me.

I know being asexual sometimes just comes with having a different life. I am still coming to terms with that. But a part of me still yearns for friends that I do not have to constantly chase after. It is heartbreaking knowing that they will move on with life and even though we will still be friends, I will lose some part of them to something that I may not ever want or get. That I will be left alone, and remain by myself, because everyone has already chosen their person.

It's easy to let these thoughts spiral, and I know life isn't as simple as that. My friends are beautiful people, and I love them enough to put the effort in to let them know that. I just get scared sometimes that with time, I won't fit into their lives anymore.

No, seriously. I am trying to figure out if Gray-Ace or Ace Flux is a better fit for me. Don't tell me, "choose what feels right!" No, Autism brain go brrrr and I need something literal.

Based on the below info do I seem more gray ace or ace flux?

-My level of sexual attraction ebbs and flows with no predictable time period (I've had it be within minutes), but is never fully asexual or allosexual.

-I experience primary sexual attraction, but will almost never act on it.

-Sometimes I need an emotional bond, sometimes I don't.

-Sometimes I experience high sexual attraction to people, but it doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. This often happens with somebody that I meet for the very first time, or that maybe I see at the (goth) club.

-Sometimes I fantasize about people I find sexually attractive and even self act on those fantasies, but I don't know if I would actually follow through if given the opportunity.

-There have been times when I've been dating someone where I will be super horny and wanting to be with them sexually, and that will completely go away. This can either be abruptly or within minute or hours or by the time I get to them.

-Sometimes I am only interested in sex with one specific person and it's somebody who I probably have the deepest emotional bond with and I trust and feel safe with the most. Other times all it takes is me being friends with somebody and/or having a few flirtatious conversations before I am considering engaging in sexual activity with them. Whether or not I follow through with that also fluctuates.

-I've had partners where I was sexually attracted to them, but one I wanted to have sex with a lot and the other I just never was in the mood or really feeling it, so it happened infrequently.

-When I was in my late teens to early thirties, I had a lot of sexual partners, mostly in my twenties, and I also did sex work, though, not always because I enjoyed it. At times it was out of necessity. In the past 10 years, I have had 3 sex partners.

-My sexual desires can even fluctuate within a conversation.