So I've recently got together with my gf and everything is honestly going great, but when it came to physical intimacy, there were some issues. Before me, she only dated guys (she outed herself as bi to me), so I'm her first lesbian relatiomship. Whenever we would get intimate, she seemed insecure. We talked about it, and after a lot of pushing her she admitted she was probably straight in the sexual sense, but biromantic still. She only realised this while dating me. On the other hand, she did say she enjoyed fingering me and all the other stuff leading up to it (making out, me touching other parts of her than genitals). I love her so much and I want ti make this work but I just don't know how to go about this or if its worth even continuing (in my head it definitely is just because I cant fathom to lose her but am I hurting myself here?). Any advice is appreciated.

EDIT first of all, thank you all for replying, it did help me. Second, I really hate all the biphobia happening in the comments, you guys need to get it together on that area. I will happily date another bi woman, if it came to that, and I don't blame my gf for just now realising her sexuality, its not like she wanted to hurt me or smth. This might not be what you all want to hear (well some of you, and thank you for defending identities and stuff in the comments) but I think I will continue a relationship w her. I don't want to throw all our other connection away "just" because we arent sexually compatible. Someone in the comments said smth about how modern society makes relationships seem very black and white, either fully yes or fully no and I agree, I don't think it should be that way. I realised while reading all the comments, that a big part of me doesn't agree with a lot of whats being said and this made me decide on continuing. Even if it won't look like a "normal" relationship to you, I think I can still be fulfilled. Thank you again to all of you. You might think me stupid for this, but things are more complicated and nuanced than they seem to be painted as nowadays.

I’m so fucking disturbed. I was working out and this visibly masc lesbian came up to me, telling me “has anyone ever told you, you look like krysten ritter?” I had one of my airpods in but, I think I was speaking at normal volume like how I usually do. She fucking proceeded to tell me word for word “lower your voice” I couldn’t control my face, I was DISTURBED. Then she was said “I was just joking” heh yeah! Anyway she continued to talk to me and ask me a bunch of personal questions like, “how long have you been training?”, “what’s your name?”, “how old are you?”, “what’s ur family name? (I’m middle eastern, it’s a normal question to ask)”. Anyway I was playing along cause frankly this is the most action I’ve gotten in a while. But now after thinking about it, I’m disgusted. Because what do you mean you come hit on me and then PROCEED to tell me to lower my voice. Ew wtf!! Am I overreacting?

Hey, is it weird to be attracted to women who can communicate well? Like, I know it's important for relationships but for me it's like hot in the same way a short dress is.. I'm so into self-confident, loud women they're driving me crazy.

I'm an introvert, will I ever find someone who likes that lol. Like I love going out and meeting people but I'm not someone who talks all the time and am unfortunately attracted to people who do

Do extroverted lesbians usually look for similiar people?

I wasn't sure if this would count as NSFW so I just marked it that way to be safe.

So yesterday my girlfriend came over and we were having sex and my nail sort of scratched her and we stopped and i just started crying and saying I was sorry over and over again. I'm not sure if it was because of how vulnerable I felt or because I hurt her or something else entirely but I'm genuinely so embarrassed. If anyone has any other ideas as to why I might have done that please let me know but I mostly just wanted to tell someone about it.

So I can't help but notice some kind of trend on TikTok or social media where, in a lesbian couple, they sport gendered stereotypes. I don't mean physical appearance, but I have seen how one of the lesbians jokes about "I don't have to do that, my wife does it for me" or "I get home and I have food on the table" and the other one also works! Also how one of them is always the "slave" and keeps getting up and getting things, or cleaning behind the other person. Or the "I can't find this" and such. I know these are little examples, but you get the idea. The typical "my wife" expectancies.

Now, I know that some of these may be jokes, and that relationships are private and you don't really know what's going on yada yada, but this irks me a lot. I specially see this with masc/butch presenting lesbians. And, likewise, I also see femme presenting lesbians expecting their girlfriends to be "manly."

In my opinion, this is harmful because, for me, being with a woman means that she gets me and that she also experienced those expectancies (like getting up and cleaning the table while the men sit); so I couldn't fathom her treating me like that, or I her. I'm not talking about who does what in a house I, for example, I'm in charge of cooking because she hates it and she does laundry because I don't like it. I'm not talking about that, but about a part of the pairing picking up certain chores because of expectancies.

I want to know what other lesbians think!

Hi lesbians, I'm a 29 years old lesbian and I never had a girlfriend, I met a feel nice girls during college but after I returned to my town I never met anyone who would match me and that's not a problem to me, I feel lonely sometimes but it's cool. The thing is, I was scrolling through twitter/x and I saw a girl saying that she would never date a woman +23 years old who never had a relationship because that means they're so unbearable and toxic, and if nobody ever wanted them it's because they're trouble, and a lot of other lesbians agreed. Do you guys agree with that? I mean, everyone is allowed to like whatever they want but put everyone inside of the same box is kinda problematic in my opinion.

i’m crying bro wtf

I can’t get stuck in a last minute plan where i’m a witch. Gimme some niche and creative suggestions

I'm genuinely confused. I'm not a very outgoing person and don't flirt with girls I think are gay because of this. I'm in a friend group and we recently had two girls join us.

One of them looks very straight, she always talks about her boyfriend, stuff like that. We went out to a club as a group and she got a little drunk and told everyone how she loves making out with her female friends and if anyone was interested rn (nobody was), but how being a lesbian was disgusting and she would never want to be with a girl. Most of the people in the friend group are openly queer, so everyone was a little surprised, but the others really like her so her (homophobic) comment didn't really get reprimanded.

The other new girl looks so so queer. Tattoos, alternative hairstyle, carabiners, chunky rings, septum and other piercings, short black nails. She has RAINBOW laces on her doc martens. I really thought she was a lesbian, until a girl in the club flirted with her and she made clear (kinda aggressively) that she was straight and what the other girl was thinking and so on.

I know I cannot police what someone is wearing, but being mad that someone flirts with you when you look like a walking lesbian flag is not the vibe.

Why do all the stereotypical lesbian things get "stolen" by straight girls? How am I supposed to know someone is lesbian, and how can I signal that I'm a lesbian when everyone just looks like that? Now to mention that I'm femme and although I try, I just look straight.

(Edit)

I also can't count on a pride bracelet or anything, because the amount of straight girls that wear them because they are allies or because it's trendy is mindblowing. And if I wear to wear one, I'm scared I'll get hatecrimed.

I’m bisexual and my girlfriend is bisexual too. The problem is that a lot of the time when we’re together, she makes comments implying that she wishes i was from the another gender. Sometimes she says she wishes I were transgender because apparently that would be “better.”

Whenever I get bothered by it, she says she’s just joking and that I’m taking it too seriously. But she keeps making these comments, and honestly, they’re starting to really get to me.

I’m beginning to feel inadequate, like I’m somehow not enough for her. I’m bisexual, and I’m capable of accepting and loving her as she is without needing her to be something else. So why does she keep making me feel like I’m missing something or that she would be happier with someone of another gender?

I understand that bisexual people can still have preferences, and I’m not saying she can’t be attracted to other genders. But when your partner repeatedly jokes about wanting something you can’t be, it starts to hurt.

Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable for this to make me feel insecure and inadequate?

I'm a butch lesbian and hate how other masc lesbians can be so misogynistic. Was watching a TV show where a non-binary lesbian and they made a joke "that's why I have a wife so they can wrap for me" in a way that was clearly disparaging towards women. It makes me so sad and angry how it's a feature in our community but not much discussed

EDIT : guys i live in SOUTHERN va.. ig i should’ve specified mb!! but all the tips and helpful and i appreciate them <3 it’s just that it’s difficult when all the gay areas are north it seems 🫩

It’s SO difficult to find lesbians in virginia, if there are any lesbians from virginia lmk, from what i’ve seen most of them live in NYC or Florida. i dont see any lesbians over here and im sooooo tired of it!!

I was thinking the other day about relationships and you often hear people share stories of what their partner brings. What do YOU bring and what could you do better at? I’m interested to read your answers, I think this could be an opportunity for people to think positively about themselves or reflect on what they’re not bringing to a relationship. People get comfortable and with comfort can often bring laziness and lack of effort. Your partner deserves to feel loved, prioritized, wanted and desired.

So my girlfriend and I are both 22 and have been together for about 3 years now. Our whole relationship, our sex life has been lacking. In my eyes, or at least in my opinion, I want a relationship where we’re at least trying to have sex multiple times a week. We had that at the beginning of our relationship, but now it just seems like we’re not having any sex at all. We’ve gone as long as 6 months.

First, it started out as her thinking she was asexual. Then it changed, and she said she preferred if she was prepared for sexual activity, i.e. me asking instead of springing it on her so she can be in the mood. Now it’s turned into, “Let’s have more foreplay,” and all of those things, which I was fine with.

However, we came to a point where we did open the relationship because I wanted to have more sexual experiences, seeing that I am young and that’s the life I want to live. I personally don’t want to be so young and have a sexless life in which I can’t experience what I want. But she also, at the same time, wanted to explore men, which I had to be okay with even though any woman leaving me for a man is my worst fear. But I wanted to be fair in this situation because I wanted to explore as well. The relationship today is technically still open, but I haven’t talked to any women for months because I was having terrible experiences left and right and she as well has stopped talking to men.

I’m usually a top, so I do most of the eating, if you catch my drift. For the past month or so, I’ve been asking her to trim so she can be prepared, because she wants to trim down there as her hair gets very long, and it does become a little hard for me to work because it gives me, like, mouth carpet burn, if that makes any sense. She’s been telling me that she will, she will, and she hasn’t. Obviously I don’t want to pressure her so I just let it go.

But I genuinely ask her, does she even like me or feel sexually attracted to me? Because I’ve consistently felt this way throughout our whole relationship, and she consistently handles her urges herself when it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for her forever as I love to please it’s my favorite thing to do, as I’ve told her multiple times.

I keep asking her if she is sexually attracted to me, and she just tells me that she’s too scared to trim with scissors, she won’t buy a trimmer, and I won’t let her use mine. That’s just like sharing a toothbrush to me. I love her, but lol, that’s just a boundary I have.

And I’m genuinely considering redownloading dating apps again to talk to people because, in reality, I feel really lonely and alone in this relationship, and obviously the apps aren’t forbidden.

Personally, I don’t know what to do anymore about this situation since I’ve been feeling this way for 3 years, and I’ve told her sexual intimacy is important for me in a relationship. I just feel like a burden myself for wanting this, and consistently communicating so I’m just lost.

I’ve been single for a year now and sometimes I watch TikTok or listen to podcasts they said that they would not date anyone that is single for long periods of time. Is it real?! And why?!

Not that I don’t want to date with anyone but it’s just the people here in my country seem to be not my type and also if I found someone I find attractive I in fact did reach out to them but after getting rejected or they did not reply back I feel like I don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve only been with 2 people (women) in my entire 21yo lesbian life.

I have no lesbian friends and there’s a queer club night in town tonight (it’s a small city so we don’t have any gay clubs). I’m going alone and I’m soo nervous, I’ve never gone out alone before.

How do I make friends in the club/ talk to people and stuff? I feel so awkward. Help!!

Someone on a dating app initiated a really deep conversation with me and asked me a genuinely thoughtful, personal question. I answered, we had this seemingly meaningful exchange, and then they just ghosted me. 😭
Can someone explain why people do this? Like, why initiate a deep conversation if you’re just going to disappear right after? It’s honestly messing with my head a little, and I’m trying to understand what happened.

I’m genuinely confused by something I’ve noticed since moving to Seattle. I see posts FREQUENTLY from Seattle lesbians saying they’re lonely and want friends, but actually trying to make those connections feels so difficult.

I’ve personally reached out to Seattle sapphics who seemed interested in making friends, only for things to go cold or for the conversations to go nowhere. And it’s frustrating because I really do want to build a social circle here.

I don’t have family nearby, or friends or a partner, and I want actual in-person connections with people I can hang out with, talk to, and do things with. I’m not a party or nightlife person, so I’m not looking for that kind of social scene.

What I don’t understand is why it seems like there are so many lesbians in Seattle who want friends, but so many of us still struggle to find people who actually stick around.
Obviously, not everyone is going to click, and I understand that people have their own lives and things going on. But when you reach out to someone who says they want friends and they end up getting distant, it makes you wonder what the disconnect is.

Do people get nervous when it comes to actually meeting up? Is it hard for introverts to take that next step? Do people want friends but not realize how much effort it takes to build and maintain those relationships??
I’m not expecting everyone to become best friends overnight. I just want to understand why finding people who genuinely want to connect and consistently make an effort seems so difficult when there are so many people looking for the same thing.

Has anyone else experienced this with Seattle lesbians? I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences and understand why this keeps happening.