Will my ex break no contact on my birthday?

Do they really comeback

Literally still trying to figure out what happened. It’s Hard not to ruminate on something like this. I was seeing this incredible woman for the past 4 months we were semi long distance, but we would make the effort to see each-other every other weekend. When we were together it was pretty extraordinary, genuinely one of the best connections I’ve had out of my relationships. Everything was going really good, communication was good down to the little things. Anyways the last time we saw each-other she had agreed to wanting to meet my mom(I figured it was appropriate because I’ve met her parents), and we had a lil dinner set. Well that same week she withdrew and became distant then by Friday i got this text and then blocked on essentially everything . It sucks really bad, and honestly it sideswiped me pretty bad(the 2 texts i sent never even made it to her inbox). Genuinely was out of left field. Im glad i got some response i guess? Although to be completely honest to be discarded and blocked on everything besides 1 app really hurt, and made me question things about myself whether i did something wrong and whatnot. This genuinely may be one of the most traumatic situations that has happened to me in a relationship and I’ve had some wicked things happen in the past. Hopefully I will be on the up and up soon.

Need some clarity as I’m really confused, and seen something I was really not expecting that’s really upset me…

I ended a really tumultuous relationship with someone about 3 months ago.
We were really attached and I never questioned his feelings/devotion/etc for me, he was just incapable of healthy conflict resolution and communication and things just broke down. Outside of conflict we were each others best friend and when I ended things, he asked me for potential future reconciliation after he gets therapy because I’m his person. He was entirely inconsolable and I put a lot of care into how I communicated/ended things.

About a week after this, I saw traces/evidence that me might be seeing someone new, I sort of told myself ok he can’t be alone and clearly rebounding. I was mostly ok because I saw he’d updated his dating profiles after I’d seen traces of this new woman.

We’re still in contact because of some final things to detangle but have been writing reasonably sentimentally but nothing overt.

Yesterday I saw a photo of them together, it’s a Spotify playlist she’d made for him, with their photo on it. This honestly has shook me to my core and even though I’m the one that ended things, I can’t believe he could move that fast. I feel really disposable, and also I’ve only recently been feeling the loss, only in the last few weeks— crying at night missing him, comparing new men that I didn’t like enough to continue seeing etc. Initially when breaking up I felt relief from the terrible fights.

How do you reconcile this, is it possible for someone to totally emotionally move on from their ex and that quickly? What happens when a guy doesn’t do any grieving or processing just jumps straight into having a whole other gf?

Why does it feel like a betrayal even if we’re single and I ended things? ❤️‍🩹😞

Just broke up with a great guy. We were in a commited relationship for around 8 months.

He was the absolute best boyfriend I ever had and I really wanted it to work, which is why I kept it for so long. He was kind, loyal, caring, intelligent, attractive, sporty, successful, great in bed, creative, emotionally available, supporting, had interesting worldviews, similar values as well as lifestyles and dreams. He made me feel super seen and loved.

I was his first adult girlfriend and he really wanted to make it work.

However, he had a tendency to fawn. In the beginning, I was encouraging and supportive, patient, understanding, and (caringly) trying to knock some self worth and boundaries into him. He would apologise and assume fault for everything, I felt monitored or vigilated, he would mirror me and other people a lot (their accent, how they walk, phrases) and its almost like he was tripping over his own feet to repeat and agree with what I had just said. Looking for validation of anything he said.
After some months, it got tiring to ”protect” him from being too selfless at the same time I had to make sure not taking advantage of his above and beyond efforts.

We spoke about this and he and his therapist suggested we do couples therapy, so we did a couple of sessions. I could tell from what he shared from his individual therapy, that they were working on these things as well and that it had been an issue in the past.

I feel bad for breaking up with an otherwise amazing guy but I couldn’t deal with the feeling of inauthenticity and worry that he’d one day exhaust himself. and the feeling that he was copying me. I also started losing respect for him a bit. I tried taking distance, I tried investing more (because we both agree that love is also something you do), I tried giving it more time. I loved the moments when he was seemingly more confident, collected, calm. It felt like two completely different guys. I would’ve loved to spend my life with that guy but I could never tell what triggered the changes: was the calm guy that I fell for his core, or was the goofy anxious guy his core? Was one of them triggered by feeling anxious about our relationship? Could I do something? I tried to talk with him about these things but in his mind, it was all him and he didn’t feel any change. I felt changes that could last for moments or days. While his core values would remains the same, his entire mannerisms, confidence, speech, walk, and resilience to anxiety would change.

I still wonder if I could’ve done more. He took it well. I didn’t mention the fawning tendencies this time as I know he would see it as a fault in him and he really strives to be the best to an unhealthy degree. I told him nothing was wrong with him, that I really wanted for us to work and that I love and care for him, but I didn’t feel excited or in love. We both cried a lot. I saw the part of him that I really like, but at the same time, he spent more time talking about how brave I was for sharing it and how much I deserve to find someone who makes me excited than about his own thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel bad. I told him that I know it was hard for both of us and that it may be hard to see right now, but that I really think it’s better that we stop now rather than we start resenting each other. And I was spending so much time in my mind every day, debating back and forth.

I also feel bad for him because he had trouble keeping his friendships and he was already building his life around me in some ways (most of the time, he insisted it was things he’d want regardless of our relationship, but some times, it’d slip out that it wasn’t).

I’m gonna miss him, and it was the healthiest relationship I was in, and it’s the only breakup where I’ve left with still caring about the person and wishing the best for them. I really hope he finds happiness, he’s a good guy and deserves it.

I don’t see myself date or go into a relationship within the near future. But ugh I worry that I will not find a good guy again who i can build a family with.

What are your tips for me in this coming time? possible ways of taking care of myself, redirecting my energy, and what to consider in the future?

We’re both in our very early 30’s.

Get over your first love? Even if it was toxic, even if they treated you so bad. When do you finally get over it? It's been nearly a year and I sit here still in pain as if its day 1! When does it get better???? When???

It’s been a year since the breakup but it still feels like it happened a couple months ago. I remember the exact moment when we broke up, like it was just yesterday. Since then, I learned that he was cheating on me and gaslighting me/ making me crazy. I went to therapy because he said I’m crazy and I’m the problem. She said she was a girls girl and that there was nothing between them. The lies, the hidden hangouts, and snap messages (he said bc it disappears and I can’t find them)… AND more happened right in front of me but I couldn’t believe them because he said that I was crazy to think things and worry about things (cheating). They got together shortly after we broke up because we fought for 8 months because of her. It was so hard to see someone you thought you were going to spend your life with - slowly let you go and became emotionally attached to someone else… someone who told him that I’m an abusive narcissist. They’re both losers but it still hurts. They just got a house together and I can only imagine how happy he is that he’s not with me but with the person he was secretly falling in love with instead. It’s been a year but it still hurts… is this normal? I don’t want to be with him because he’s weak and avoidant but it still hurts me thinking about the lies and betrayal. You think you know someone and after three years realize that he’s not the person he says or portrays himself as. Can anyone relate?! I thought by now I would have forgotten and not cared about it but it still hurts (my chest feels tight) and I still think about things.

Recently my partner was away for a trip in Manchester.

We've been together for 11 months and we have been rocky for the past 2 months due to an emotional betrayal.

While he was away, he went on Grindr and chatted a bunch of people sexually. Even to an extent of showing interest to meet a guy but didn't because the guy fell asleep.

He was still on it even when he was back home and only when I found out (I asked to check his phone) He now regrets doing so.

He claims what drove him to do so was temptation being in a new city away from home. We both live in a very small city. He also said our rocky relationship just made it easier to find an excuse to do so.

We have agreed to take time to think and see if we can work thru this by meeting this weekend for an ultimatum.

I really am in limbo. I should have not read the Grindr texts, it is so traumatising. The problem is, I really did love him and I don't understand how one does this. It's so hard letting him go but I don't trust him anymore.

He claims that he will do anything to change and regain my trust.

Some points in my head:

Why I should not come back
- This is the second time he broke my trust but in a different way
- He actively wanted to cheat, he admitted it was the excitement of going to a new city
- He admitted he stayed up till 4am just to see an opportunity before coming back home
- He was still on it even when he was home and I was texting him all along that time. Did not wake him up to stop
- I caught him not him being transparent
- My insecurity in the relationship will eat me up

Why I could come back
- I know him personally, I have seen what he is capable of doing which is change. I am clinging on to hope he can change this behavior too
- He technically did not meet anyone, no physical cheating but I would still count this as cheating
- People change and he wants to try. It is so agonising to leave when people want to change because now I am judging his ability to change even without seeing it
- He was genuinely a kind person to me, probably just have self control issues

Thank you everyone for reading.

So I'll start by saying that I'm 41 and it was my first relationship and it was long distance. We broke up at the end of July but stayed friend at first but two weeks ago she told me she had met someone and was developing feelings and that got me thinking a lot about her and my life, I tried to reconnect last Monday but after thinking about it she told me no then Tuesday she decided to go no contact.

We broke up because I've been in a big depression for awhile and lied to her about my health and my living conditions. I told her at first that I was fine when in reality I can barely move, I invited her here this summer but ended up asking to delay because I gave hoarding issues.

I was slowly opening up to her about all of this and was working on myself but in the end she felt she didn't know me as much as she thought and didn't want to wait longer. Tbh part of me understand her, she waited a year already and it's not like I can give her any guarantees or say exactly when I'll be ready but still I feel like I got discarded like trash.

The day after she said no contact I came clean and told her about the hoard and she just read it and never replied then a day or two after she deleted me on snap and I'm pretty sure she added the new guy

The best is she wanted to cut contact with me because it isn't fair for the new guy and she feels she doesn't know me (even though the core me is still the same, I never liked about me just my health issues and shit) but almost all the time I've been with her she was living in her ex husband's house (technically her house too I guess but yeah) everytime we wanted to have sex we'd have to wait for him to leave, I never complained and I understood but somehow me hanging with her is too much...

I have no idea how I'll ever be able to open to someone again. On the plus side I think it was the last push I needed to start fixing my life, I feel much better and have been working on cleaning and stuff. Sucks that now that I can finally move on I end up sad and with a broken heart

My ex’s parent and my parent are friends (weird situation, I know). They got to talking tn at a social event they both attend and my ex’s parent mentioned my ex talking to me back in June about their “needs.” I remember certain things that they mentioned we needed to do better and boy did I do those things, but as far as “needs”… I don’t remember one instance of them sitting me down (maybe not literally) and telling me any sorts of needs to continue our relationship. I seriously don’t recall one time.

Aren’t “needs” supposed to be fairly direct? What does “needs” even mean and if they told me them, how did I apparently not pick up on them?

5 weeks since my ex broke up with me. She cited her needs not being met as the reason for her decision. I was completely blindsided and was in shock.

I need some advice - Everything was too vague. She tried to sell it as a compatibility issue and it was not. That’s not true. It was a communication thing. The ONLY “need” I ever recall was the romantic, spontaneous thing and I addressed that like you wouldn’t believe. Flowers, dinner, dates all the time. But as far as other needs - I literally cannot think of one thing that she mentioned to me.

“I expressed how I felt back in (month) and those feelings haven’t gone away”, am I that stupid where I don’t remember anything that has to do with needs back then? If needs are deal breakers, how are you not gonna be as explicit as heck about them. I was truly willing to do just about anything… I would’ve changed jobs, moved, etc. I wasn’t gonna blow off her needs.

It was such a one-sided relationship the last couple months. The more I look back - I was normally the one with the ILY, have a great day, etc. Even some of the responses she gave - “<3” instead of I love you too. How did I not see through it and address it before she closed the door. That hurts a bunch.

It’s been 5 weeks and it just gets more confusing and annoying

my ex and i broke up almost 6 months ago, but we were still talking everyday and eventually we started talking like we were dating without the label. even after he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me right now. i listened and respected his space, i even tried talking to new people because he was my first boyfriend during my first year of college (im currently in the beginning of my third).

it was hard for me to do so. everytime we spoke i wondered if we were getting back together, he would be overly attached, and even up until recently when i started going on dates i would kind of think about him. not exactly getting back with him, just the memories of our dates.

eventually, i realized that we're better off not being together and better off not speaking at all. both of us need to heal, both of us were still too attached to each other, and i told him this morning. i bawled my eyes out because i was so scared of losing him. but, i came to my senses and i chose my mental health over what my heart was desiring.

i'm not feeling relieved. i feel like shit, upset, honestly so overwhelmed and sad. it's like reliving my break-up, its worse this time because now this our last time in each other's lives, not "just friends" shit.

but, its for the best. and in the back of my head i'm proud of myself for choosing me.

-

these were just the messages i sent those screenshots were from before he responded. he agreed and was feeling the same way. he said he wanted to see me one last time. should i?

We have been in a strong relationship for 4 years and it's been 1 year since we broke up. I still think he is one of the genuine loyal people I have ever met. But we broke up because of me and obv he hates me. So, should I invite or ignore him on guest list?

I was right AGAIN, I always was right. Just you people never liked hearing it. Never made your behaviour palatable enough for you? It sure stopped being palatable for me year 9. You are delusional about your own behaviour. Imagine coercing everything out of someone to immediately use it against them. Your ex was right about you, I was right about you. There is a reason why you shared nothing and pretended you were someone else, you’re just a loser, enjoy my old loser crowd too. I thought you fucked up my life but you made it better, trimmed the fat. I no longer have to listen to the manchild rage at his little single player video games, I don’t have to carry these people on my back to have nothing but hate spat back at me.

Yeah I’m sure you’re so happy. You should be locked up back in the hospital. The thing you hated so much about me? Making new friends and doing new things you tried so hard to stop or belittle me over. Yeah that’s already happening without you. You thought you could use my fears against me but in doing so you made all of yours come to life. I wasn’t cheating, but now you’re going to have to know I’m with other people in that little temple of delusion inside your own head. Welcome to hell, rejoice, you tried so hard to get here.

I will briefly explain my story.

We were involved for a year and a half. We were not officially in a relationship, but it was a relationship without that final commitment. We spent a month together in Spain, living together. We attended family events together, and I joined her at events related to her international career.

In short, she told me she could not choose me because she did not know whether we were a good long-term match. She did not want to lose focus on her career, and she had a lot of triggers and unresolved trauma that she had not yet worked through. Whenever we got closer and had the opportunity to really explore our connection, she would put the brakes on. From my side, I may have brought too many needs and expectations into the situation.

In the end, I chose myself because I want someone who chooses me for who I am. This is what makes it so difficult, because what we had felt so familiar, safe and good. She also found me very attractive, and she told me that just a few days before things ended.

We ended things two months ago. When we said goodbye, she told me, “I love you, and I already miss you.”

Just a week and a half later, she started having daily contact with a guy from my sports team, whom she connected with through a tournament. They already knew each other, but she told me their contact did not start while we were still involved. According to her, they reconnected at that tournament.

Three weeks later, she told me she was open to dating him. Since then, they have been on multiple dates and have already become intimate, all within the two months since things ended between us.

What makes this so difficult for me to understand is that the same issues she struggled with when it came to me still seem to be there. She was unsure about our long-term compatibility, wanted to protect her focus on her career, and had unresolved emotional triggers and trauma.

Yet, within such a short time, she seems willing to explore something new with someone else.

That is what makes the situation so confusing and painful for me. I keep comparing myself to him and wondering why she was unable to choose me, despite everything we shared, but seems willing to give him a chance. It makes me feel worthless, especially because he is part of my sports team, which means I keep being confronted with the situation.

My struggles

What I am struggling with the most right now is that I keep believing in the “golden mountains,” the idealised version of what could have been because things ended without real closure.

I miss the intimacy we had, partly because I find her so incredibly attractive. But towards the end, she would often shut down when we were alone together, even though everything seemed good between us outside of those moments.

I still long for her because the needs and desires were there, but they were not always mutual or fulfilled on both sides. I keep thinking about what we had and what we could have been if things had been different.

And, of course, there is the feeling of having been replaced so quickly by someone else. That is one of the hardest parts to deal with.

What is your story? What do you think? We can help eachother

​

I'm a female, and I've been in an online relationship with a guy for some time. For these past few years, I genuinely loved him and imagined that we would have a future together. I believed that love would be enough to make things work.

But recently, I've started thinking more realistically about our future. The problem isn't necessarily that I don't have feelings for him anymore. It's that I've started understanding the practical difficulties we would face, especially because our families are involved on both sides. I genuinely don't see how this relationship would work in the long run, and I don't want us to continue something that might eventually cause even more pain.

After thinking about everything carefully, I decided that ending the relationship now would be better than giving each other false hopes about a future that might never happen.

I explained my reasons to him and told him that I wanted to break up. But he refuses to accept my decision. He keeps saying that he will never leave me and that if he dies, I'll be happy.

I understand that he's emotionally attached to me, and I know my decision is hurting him. I'm not trying to hurt him or play with his feelings. But I also don't want to continue a relationship just because I'm afraid of what he might do if I leave.

The situation is becoming mentally exhausting because no matter how much I explain my reasons, he doesn't seem willing to listen. He knows where I live, which makes me worried about how things might go if I completely cut contact.

I don't know how to handle this anymore.

How do I end this relationship safely when the other person refuses to accept the breakup? How should I deal with his threats without being forced to stay in a relationship I no longer believe has a future?

I'm genuinely looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Do you think he will ever try to talk to me / reignite something with me again?

I (18F) and my ex (19M) dated for ALMOST ONE YEAR and broke up almost a month ago, it was mutual, i initiated it and he confirmed it, and at first we were gonna stay friends but he decided he wanted us to go NO CONTACT indefinitely.

At first he used to look at me / text here and there but now it’s crickets and he walks past like i literally don’t exist. He’s also talking to his ex-situationships and exes again, hanging out 1 on 1 and apparently one of them has a crush on him.

We were both really emotional and attatched to each other in the relationship, and saying he cared about me is an understatement. I thought I was the exception out of all his past romantic experiences, but now I’m starting to doubt that belief of mine.

His rational personality says he won’t come back ever, but I know he has a soft side and just maybe?

ADDITIONAL INFO:
- we broke up because I kept forgetting things like something he said a few days ago or he would tell me to check something and i would forget to check, left him on delivered for a few hrs, basically i forgot the little things, it accumulated and he got really mad
- he was often controlling in the relationship and he never condoned any male friendships beyond the “acquaintance” level
- he didn’t condone me wearing revealing stuff, go club etc etc
- we were very loyal to each other
- he is super loyal in a relationship, but he puts his eggs in multiple baskets when out of one

I need some advice as it’s a complicated relationship and don’t really want to air it out to those close to me.

Basically TLDR, had a messy breakup with my bf after a big fight during my birthday in august, got back together, and have continued to fight till now. We broke up again this week very badly but neither of us are surprised as it had been a very toxic and codependent off and on relationship. I have blocked him on everything as well. His birthday is in two weeks and i am now wondering should I give him his gifts and a long handwritten card or would it be inappropriate for me to do so. The only reason I am posting about this is that:

1. we are both 21, uni students and very broke, he spent a lot of money trying to repair our relationship during my birthday (1k+) and I feel really bad I can’t reciprocate anything now
   
2. I’m worried he believes I “timed” our breaking up (i initiated the break up) so I wouldn’t have to give him his gifts as he has joked about it before as we are very off and on…
   
3. Would me giving gifts after breaking up look like an attempt to get back together, which is not my intention whatsoever.
   
4. If I do give it to him, would it be intruding on boundaries and end up doing more bad than good?

I still have a lot of love for him as a person so I would appreciate honest outside perspectives as this was my longest relationship so far :(

It’s been a rough week, but I made it here!!! Let’s celebrate our little wins and inspire each other to keep going. ❤️

How far along are you in your no-contact journey? How are you holding up?

how do you recover from someone who did you so wrong but all you remember is when he was so good to you?

2.5 y together and he started seeing someone new within 3 months. How? He wae the dumper btw

I am 24F and It’s been six months since my breakup, and I wish I could say that I’ve moved on. In many ways, life has been good to me. I’m doing well at work, things are falling into place, and if you looked at my life from the outside, you probably wouldn’t think there was much to be sad about. But there’s this void in me that nothing seems to fill.

The hardest part is that while I’m still struggling to come to terms with losing him, he seems to have moved on. He’s started going out on dates, and as much as I hate admitting it, it aches to know that. I still find it difficult to even think about seeing someone else, let alone actually date. And yet, he’s out there meeting new people, making new memories, and opening himself up to possibilities that I can’t even bring myself to consider right now.

Sometimes, it feels like he got to walk away from the relationship and leave me standing exactly where we broke up, carrying all the grief as if it were mine alone to carry.

What makes it even harder is that the breakup hasn’t just meant losing him. It has meant slowly losing everyone and everything that came with him.
His aunt is my colleague at work. She’s genuinely one of the sweetest people I’ve met. We even visited her place last year when we were still together. When I joined this organisation, she was always there to support me, encourage me, and have my back. She’s been so kind to me, and I’ve always appreciated that about her.

Recently, I found out that she’s leaving the organisation, and I’ve been experiencing this strange, bittersweet sadness ever since. Of course, I’m happy for her and whatever comes next in her life, but a part of me is grieving what her leaving represents. Another person connected to him, someone who became a part of my life in her own right, is about to become another person I may no longer have a reason to stay in touch with.

His family, the people I once thought I might continue to know for years to come, are slowly becoming strangers again. And there’s something so heartbreaking about that. These are people I once had a place with, even if that place was through him. Now, I have to accept that they might eventually become nothing more than people I used to know.

I wanted him to meet my dog. I wanted my dog to meet him. It sounds like such a small, silly thing to grieve, but I really wanted that. There were so many little things I imagined sharing with him, ordinary moments that I thought we would eventually get to experience together. And now, they’re just things that will never happen.

I think that’s what people don’t talk about enough when it comes to breakups. You don’t just grieve the relationship that existed. You grieve all the versions of the future you had quietly built in your head. The conversations you thought you’d have, the places you thought you’d go together, the people you thought would remain in your life, and the seemingly insignificant moments that suddenly become impossible.

Sometimes, I can’t help thinking that we could’ve had it all. And I don’t mean that I think everything would have been perfect. I know relationships are complicated, and there were reasons he ended up where we did. But I genuinely believed in us. I believed there was so much more left for us to experience, and accepting that our story ended before any of that could happen has been incredibly painful.

Maybe this hurts so much because, deep down, all I’ve ever wanted is to find someone I could love for the rest of my life. Someone I could choose every single day, someone with whom I could let my guard down without being afraid that my vulnerability would eventually become the reason they leave. I never wanted anything extraordinary. I just wanted a love that felt safe, a person I wouldn’t have to keep preparing myself to lose.

But somehow, life has repeatedly given me people who leave after I show them even the slightest bit of vulnerability. Every time I let someone in, every time I allow myself to believe that maybe this person will be different, I end up having to pick up the pieces of myself all over again.

And this time, I genuinely thought it would be different. I thought he was different. For once, I allowed myself to believe that maybe I had finally found the person I had been looking for all along. Someone I could build a life with, someone who would stay, someone I wouldn’t have to grieve someday as just another person who once meant everything to me.

But he left too. And I am so tired.
Tired of grieving people who were once so certain about me. Tired of having to make peace with another absence. Tired of starting over emotionally when all I ever wanted was to find someone I wouldn’t have to start over with.

Yesterday, I met him, and for the first time in my life, I told someone I hated them. I have never said that to anyone before. I also told him that I don’t love him anymore and that I’ve lost all respect for him in my eyes.

I don’t know if I said those things because I genuinely feel them, because I wanted him to understand how much he hurt me, or because I’m desperately trying to convince myself that I no longer feel what I do. Maybe it’s a mixture of all three.

What I do know is that there is so much hurt underneath all that anger. And perhaps the most exhausting part is having to carry it while life continues as usual. Going to work, talking to people, laughing at things, making plans, and doing all the things a normal person does, while some part of you is still trying to understand how someone who once meant so much to you can become someone you no longer recognise.

I don’t want to be the person who keeps looking back while he moves forward. I don’t want his dating life to have the power to ruin my day. I don’t want to keep wondering whether he misses me, whether he thinks about what we had, or whether losing me has affected him at all.

But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want him to feel the loss someday.

Not because I want his life to fall apart or because I want him to be miserable. I just want him to experience, at some point in his life, what it feels like to lose someone he once deeply loved. To understand the ache of knowing that a person who was once such an important part of his world is no longer there. To miss someone not because he is lonely, but because that particular person, with everything they brought into his life, is gone.
Maybe that’s a selfish thing to wish for. Maybe it’s just the hurt talking. But there is something profoundly unfair about feeling like you’re the only one left holding the weight of something that once belonged to two people.

How many more times do I have to grieve? How many more people do I have to lose, how many more times do I have to open my heart only to have it broken, before I finally find someone who stays?
I know nobody can promise that life will never change or that love will never hurt. But I wish I could experience a love where leaving isn’t always a possibility sitting quietly at the back of my mind. A love where I don’t have to wonder how long someone will stay after seeing the parts of me I don’t show everyone. A love where being vulnerable doesn’t feel like I’m handing someone the very thing they could use to break me.

I hope that one day, I’ll look back at all of this and realise that I no longer need him to understand my pain for it to finally stop being mine to carry. I hope I find someone who makes me feel that I don’t have to keep bracing myself for the day he leaves. Someone who doesn’t make me regret letting him see the most vulnerable parts of me.

And I hope that, until then, I don’t lose the part of myself that still believes in a love that lasts.
Because after everything, all I ever wanted was to love someone for a lifetime and be loved with that same certainty in return ❤️❤️❤️

Her and I were together for three years. We were best friends, no cheating, no fighting, no arguing, it was just us. The last year we did long distance and it got to a point where the communication fell apart. All of a sudden it was over. She was unhappy with me and the “plan” was to take time to “work on ourselves.” Right after it ended, she immediately got with other people that we both knew. She was drunk but getting with multiple people crossed a line that hurt me a lot. This happened in May 2026 and in the time after we were mostly in no contact. I was doing well during this time, healing, and working on myself. Occasionally she would text me and we would briefly chat but nothing more than that. Occasional drunk calls and texts from her but I never answered. I should’ve blocked her but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. This past weekend on what was supposed to be our four year anniversary the gf of one of the boys she got with after we broke up dmed me. She told me that my ex was getting around with people we knew. My ex then finds out this girl reached out to me and starts contacting me again. The things I learned were very upsetting, especially on what once was a significant day. Today she sent me this and I don’t really know how to feel.

Aside from all the damage she caused. There are two parts that I am struggling with.

The first is the “plan” to “work on ourselves.” I guess I was too stupid to realize that “work on ourselves” is just a nice way of saying it’s over. During that time after I did a lot of deep reflection, looked myself in the mirror, reread texts, and picked myself up. I wanted to become the best version of myself for me and for us. How can the person that inspired me to become a better man, be the same person that is the source of my pain?

Second, how can a relationship that meant a lot to me and it seems like to her too, feel good after everything that has happened. I didn’t ask for any of this and I got the worst result out of it. Lost her, lost friends, felt horrible about myself. How can I not look back and only remember the bad? This was the first girl I really loved and now in order for me to respect myself, I can’t go back after all the hurting.

This brings me back to the topic. Her message seems like a goodbye compared to anything else. It’s hard to be the person who got broken up with and screwed over and still love that person. At the same time, I lost excitement in talking to new people. How do I pick myself back up and get back out there when I love someone I can’t return? Does this ever go away?

I miss you, and I get angry that you did not choose me.

I gave you many chances, talked to you, and shared my heart with you.

I learned to love you, to love again. To open my heart again after so long.

Yet, as much as we tried, it did not work. You did the best you could, but always held on to something else. Someone else and so I had to walk away.

I know that as much as it hurts now it’s for the best. I just miss you, I miss your laugh, our talks, your hugs. I miss life with you in it. And so I continue to heal, I don’t know how or when I’ll start to feel better, but I’m no longer crying everyday. I’m just mad that you chose something else, and it’s okay. It showed me what I needed to see to step out.

And so here I am, choosing me, even when it hurts. I still love you, but I needed to walk away. It’s hard and some days I regret it, but I’ll continue in this path.