I already posted this but for context:

16f right now i refused to take a medicine (homemade) and i said I'd take it right before leaving the house which was in like 10 minutes. Small thing right? Well. My dad locked me in the balcony, yelled infront of everyone and hit me with a belt. Everyone watched. Every. Single. Person. Standing outside their balcony. Watching me. I was trembling. You would say I could've just drank it but i just brushed my teeth which would make the medicine taste really bad.

I feel so humiliated. People outside were begging him to stop. My mom was too. He did not. I don't know what to feel. Im just crying. I want to call the police.. but i can't. I'm praying someone raises a complaint so that they come to our house and I can vent it all out. Because this abuse isint sudden. It happens frequently. My dad harasses my mom and me all the time.

So it's been a few hours and im still disturbed. I'm at my internship right now and all I can think about is jumping off. He will never stop. I can never win in a fight against him. Im getting wrong thoughts that I can't stop... Like i keep getting the image of me stabbing him.. i see myself poisoning his food.. and I want to. So badly. As i walk home today everyone will be watching me and i hate the idea of it.

My dumb self tried an edible from a store and freaked out. I was aggressive towards others, screaming my lungs out thinking I was hallucinating, biting someone, thinking I was laced, homicidal thoughts, etc.. I could barely sleep for 2 days.

After that I started to develop this weird obsession with Michael Jackson. During those 2 days I didn’t take my anti depressants because I was scared, and what brought me out of that was him. I started to think he was a spiritual guide that visited to help me. To take my medication I listened to a MJ song for a “message” to know if it’s safe.

Looking back I know I was borderline schizophrenic, however he won’t go away now. I have maladaptive daydreams with him in it. I literally created this whole world where I feel safe with him. I’m tired of it because I’m grown. This is embarrassing. Even my friends started saying it was weird that I had him as a wallpaper.

I’m scared because my psychiatrist said that drugs can be an accelerant for other psychiatric disorders. I already have depression and ADHD. I don’t want to have anything else. I literally can’t afford it. I need to pay my bills, and go to school. I need help but I’m so embarrassed.

I'm 30 now. When I was 19 I went to a club one night. I danced on two women and grabbed them from behind on the waist and butt, without asking. After the second time, I realized when seeing the disgust and discomfort on her face how heinous my action was, and immediately left the club. I have never done this action since then.

To this day, I live with the guilt. I know what I did was truly evil. I believe I deserve to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. Is there any hope I can redeem this action? Or is it forever a stain on my character? I hate myself, I don't forgive myself and I never will. I don't deserve forgiveness or grace or kindness. I try to be better and help others now, and never act that way again, but it doesn't undo the evil and harm I have already caused.

This is probably getting delete/ignored/Made fun of but anyways. I never used reddit but I think it might be a place to get advice on this.

I've given up already really not going to get into it because i'm lazy. But I would like a way to let My family/Friends know what is going to happen in a way that won't make them intervene. I Don't think it makes a lot of sense what I'm asking (mostly because Idk how to put it into words). If I had to phrase it differently I would Say that I'm looking for a way to let My family know what I'm going through, but that I won't accept any kind of help.

Thanks in advances.

For starters, I have been diagnosed since childhood (7 years old to be exact).

I forgot to renovate my university 100% study help. I don't know what to do, the last day was yesterday and I literally forgot it when I got home. Not a single thought. I desperately need help on this. I am also not doing well on exams, even when I understand the current thing being studied.

I cannot study if this continues. Having to pay 830 reais when I have only 1500 real salary, I will get bankrupt in no time. I already waste massive amounts of money to get to my university, now I lose the thing that gives me confirmation to not worry about my university and money.

I feel so horrible, I almost cried. Atleast my university has a help for this. Thorough my whole life my adhd fucked things I have. Literally everything, I feel so sick.

.

i (17f) actually just want to disappear. i hate my life and i hate myself. it feels like everyone in my hometown hates me as well. sometimes i imagine what my town would look like if something terrible happened to me tomorrow, like if i died or went missing or killed myself. i think about it a lot, actually. i think about the missing child posts on facebook and whether or not anyone in my community would give a fuck. i want to run away or go missing or something so i can know that someone cares and wants me around, or even comes looking for me. i have no friends, no boyfriend anymore, and seemingly nobody. i know it sounds really attention seeking, but i just want to know that someone would give a shit if something happened to me.

Basically ive been dealing with so much anxiety and stress and i have been super irritable. I went to take an anxiety pill and i dropped it and lost it. When I was trying to find it I had stink bug fly in my space and I said “do you wanna die” and stomped on it. I now hate myself even more than I already did bc I feel like a murderer. Idk what I should do with my self but I figured telling someone may help.

Sometimes, I wonder if Im truly happy, even if it’s just for a moment. Sometimes, I’d stare at a wall and ask myself if everything is really okay or if my mind has simply developed a habit of pretending that I’m okay. Then I keep asking myself whether I even love the idea of being alive or if I’m simply existing.

I don't know what to do, but I feel I don't deserve to enjoy anything.

Hi people on Reddit. It's surprising that I finally become one of those people who asks question on Reddit. I mean, not surprising so much. I only say surprising to myself because I usually just the one who read, like who read articles on Reddit. I'm not the one, like a user, but now I am. Okay, so I want to tell about my health. I'm a woman. I just recently turned 33 years old, and in my whole life, I have experienced around three or four times. I forgot the total, but it's around, like, it's either three or it's either four times, a moment where I almost died. So what happened was, so after I ate something, suddenly, like three hours later, even during when I slept, I woke up because suddenly, like, suddenly I got body pain, and the pain was like, was like I got headache, fever, and my body inside is cold, and suddenly I feel nausea. Suddenly I feel like I want to throw up, but I stopped myself from throwing up because what I felt was like somehow the body is telling me that if you are throwing up, then you will die. I don't know why, but I also got diarrhea at that moment. So it's like my body wants to, you know, wants to throw everything inside.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to talk about my situation.

I am 22 years old and I’m absolutely afraid of my father, which was since like kindergarten times.

Today was another “incident” of his hysteria, and I am just tired of this suffocating feeling—when you can’t even walk around your own home in peace, and you feel everything inside your chest tightening, while your legs turn to jelly.

In all fairness, he is not like completely a bad person or parent - he has been always working his ass off to earn money for his family and pay for his children’s education. He was always a reliable person, if you were really in need.

However, in all other aspects - he is a total nightmare. Throughout of my whole life, even the slightest thing was enough for him to start yelling at us (my sibling and mom).

I understand, if all these would be the means to raise me as a man, who has a clear understanding of what is right or wrong. Unfortunately, I’ve got a full pack of mental disorders - anxiety, social phobia, OCD. Needless to say, I also had a periods of suicidal thoughts, when I used searching for the methods or something.

Honestly, I’m afraid of him so much that the subsequent hatred I felt toward him often led me to imagine myself 💀 him.

You know what I hate about him the most? It is the moment, after the “hysteria”, like day after that, when he behave himself as funny-silly guy and saying shit like “Oh, come on—I didn’t mean anything by it”. It just kills me.

I often catch myself feeling afraid in the company of typical “manly” man, like they would eat me alive. Besides, sometimes I wonder when this creature will finally pass away, so that I can feel myself free, even if it means that he leaves us his financial debts. On the other side, I understand that this mentality won’t solve anything - I just have to overcome this.

P.S.

I apologise, if this post appears weird for you or my thoughts make you feel uncomfortable. I believe I was raised in very wrong way, since I cannot call myself a properly functioning adult. Even if I finished university with a high grade - I’m still unemployed and jobless. Never had anyone, who I genuinely loved. Addicted to a ton of harmful things. Nevertheless, I move forward and try to overcome all these shit. It’s not like a have some dream or great purpose, but I just want to feel myself a happy and satisfied person. That is all, thank you.

for a while it’s been a struggle to just get through each day it all feels like the same awful cycle day after day i dont take any pleasure in what used to bring me joy and I come to dread waking up in the morning it feels as if it’s only a matter of time until I work up the courage to end it

ピアサポートで何より印象的なのは、「あたたかく受け入れられた」こと。

自分がどんなピアサポートをしたかというのは、ほんの一例にすぎない。ピアサポーターの数だけ実例があり、できたことも、できなかったことも、それぞれにある。

ただ、ピアサポートやピアスタッフについて、これから始めようとしている方々から、「何をしたらいいか」「何から始めたらいいか」「どんなことを大切にしていたか」と尋ねられることも多かった。

一方で、ピアサポートについて言語化された資料は、まだ少ない。

そこで、自分なりに言語化し、資料にまとめてきた。

でも、ピアサポートの良さはその世界に浸るのがいちばん分かりやすい。

そして僕がいちばん印象的だったのは冒頭に書いたように「あたたかく受け入れられた」こと。

もちろん傍で回復していく仲間の姿を見られたのも嬉しかったが、何よりこんな自分を受け入れてくれたことがありがたかった。

体調が悪く、顔色が悪いときも、そっとしておいてくれたり、やさしい声をかけてくれたり。

ピアサポートの場では、過去に大変な思いや経験をした人を、不用意に排除しない。

そこには、傷口を確かめようとすらしない優しさがある。

傷があれば、なんとなくわかる。
今は多くを語らなくていいよ。

そんなメッセージが、どこかで伝わってくる。

お互いが敵でなければ、そこにいていい。安心して、そこにいられる。

それは、無条件の優しさなのかもしれない。

そして、そこで交わされるのは、お互いをねぎらったり、心配したりする何気ない言葉。

そんな言葉のやりとりから、ゆるやかなつながりが生まれ、少しずつ傷が言語化されていきます。

それは、誰かに急かされるわけでもなく、自分のタイミングで進んでいきます。

また、無理に言葉にしなくても通じる。そんなところも、ピアサポートの醍醐味なのだと思います。

そして、脅かされない存在であることも大切です。

否定されない。敵ではない。
そんな人が、ゆるやかなつながりの中で、そっとそこにいてくれる。

その「存在」に救われる方も多いのではないでしょうか。

ピアサポートについて、今までもいろいろな切り口で書いてきました。

その真髄は、「傷口」と「言葉」と「存在」なのかなと思っています。

傷口も、言葉も、存在も。
近すぎず、遠すぎず。
それぞれが心地よい距離で寄り添ってくれる。

そんなあたたかさや、居心地のよさ。
「ここにいていい」と感じられる、Welcomeの空気。

知識としてピアサポートを整理することも大切です。

でも、実際にピアサポートの中に入ってみることが、いちばん分かりやすいのではないかと思います。

そして、どんなことがよかったのか。
みんなで共有したり、振り返ったりするのもいいのかなと思います。

You don't have to be happy right now, if you don't feel the desire to. Embrace your emotions. Become one with your emotions. Come to terms with your emotions. It is a process that will take as long as it has to. Some days may feel like forever, being so slow that it hurts to do nothing at all, but be alone with your thoughts, without anyone to talk to, or anywhen. And some days, events can feel as if their not happening fast enough; expecting yourself to heal so quickly on the mental plane, yet remain stuck and encased in a flurry of emotions and headaches front and back.

All the colors of the rainbow present themselves here, in you. And feeling as if you're not in the mood, is perfectly okay. If you ever feel like searching for a way out, searching for advice, is more stressful than what lets it on, just walk away from it all, go drink a cup, glass, or bottle of water, and just let your thoughts and surroundings just be. Times may present themselves under difficulty, while others grasps the urge to continue forth on an activity that's looked forward to. Whatever the case is, the most important thing is to pace yourself, at the speed comfortable to you. Don't beat yourself up when you take a step back. Just hold in your heart what you're drawing yourself towards, and you will be okay.

You, will be okay.

There’s nothing I can do.

TW: SA mentioned

I feel so stupid for uploading this but I want to see if there is anyone else who feels this way. Does anyone else hate rapists or other bad people to the point the hatred feels overwhelming? This could be personal due to past experiences, but I genuinely get so mad whenever I see recent news of violence or sexual violence cases that are brushed off so easily. Like, jail time obviously isn't doing anything and that's if those people get jail time. I get so mad about it that I genuinely fantasize about killing bad people because my sense of justice is that bad. It's to the point that it genuinely seems like such basic common sense to me to just kill those type of people that I genuinely cannot understand or even try to understand why people think it's wrong to. Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe it's just a me thing? 👀👀

Female, 30, queer, been suffering from depressive episodes off and on since I was 19.

The state of the world, for lack of a better word, fucking sucks. From the political climate more local to myself, to international crises, and it's all because we refuse to acknowledge each other as human beings who deserve to be alive. The US is backsliding hard and fast into fascism, and I'm watching people around me who I thought were kind and compassionate towards the downtrodden fall into the same alienating behaviors as their enemies. We're all becoming worse people, and it makes me sick to my damn stomach.

I'm beyond scared of the future. I know it's defeatist and unhelpful when people say "I'm one person, my word won't make a difference", but as someone who's always ignored, talked over and forgotten about, I truly do not think I can make any difference for anybody.

I can't sit around waiting for shit to improve. I can't stand to see how much worse things are gonna get, and I feel like the fastest way to feel safe and secure again is to just call it quits. Unfortunately, I can't though. I'm my grandparents' caretaker, and I will only financially burden my partner whom I live with with my absence. Idk what to even do.

Starting off, I want to say, that I apologize for making something so small a post, I see that many people have genuine struggles that deserves attention and help.

Now onto my concern and worry, I think I drive people away by being "too kind", like, I try to help people how I can, but sometimes I look into people, friends, crushes, family, I look deep in their lives and I find sometimes non existant problems that I offer help with, which from my point of view and probably others is like "oh, he's so nice", but again, sometimes I take words, or messages and overthink them, offering help for them, which turns me into like a judgy squeaking creature just jumping around being like "accept my help", which I think drives people away, but while I can see it being annoying as hell, I can't prove that someone actually left because of it, sometimes it feels like that when people around me just dissapear without goodbye, but I have not heard once that this is why, I really want to help people, especially in these times where everything is hard, but I feel sad and scared, that my "help" is actually another problem for people instead of solution to previous ones, what's also horrible is that my judgement might be wrong or right in both ways, like, I fear that if I stop being so judging and willing to help, someday I will not be there for someone who genuinely needed me and I thought was fine

I’ve found that a lot of the things I do stem from wanting to save face infront of other people, but as soon as my action can be done in the dark I am all for it. If I was infront of a group and I wanted to hypothetically yell at one person for their stupidity I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t want the rest of the group to perceive me as temperamental or risk losing that group of friends and the benefits it may provide, but if I were to be alone with that one person and they no longer provide anything useful to me I wouldn’t mind smacking them just because. I also won’t engage in reckless behavior even if it will affect me in anyway, I don’t mind something’s but I have to be gaining more then I’m losing in that kinda situation. I’d love to constantly be rude to people and tell annoying people off or just take my anger and annoyance out on someone but I know that if I ever did that I would loose the things that benefit me and I’m really not afraid of police I actually hate them but I won’t ever act indifferent to the law because doing so would mean consequences. What is the idea of consequences like for you all?

Hello everyone. As you can see, I am just an anonymous profile here. I often try to contribute to this subreddit by sharing my thoughts and talking with people. But today, I want to talk about my own problems and feelings. Growing up, I started to believe in one way of dealing with people. be a mirror. If someone shouts at you, shout back. If someone says bad things to you, say bad things back. But while trying to live like that, I've hit difficulties. The biggest one is loneliness.

Lately, I don't feel like I want happiness anymore. I just want to feel alive. Even if that means feeling sadness or other difficult emotions.

Over the past few days, I've been reading Dostoevsky's books. One of them is The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. In this story, the narrator thinks about ending his life. While reading it, I started thinking seriously about my own life and death. I began asking myself how I would end my life if I ever decided to do it. These thoughts became very disturbing. And I found myself imagining ways to end my life. At one point, all these thoughts came together in one image. Putting my own hand inside my chest and squeezing my heart to stop it forever. I don't know how to explain this feeling. Even now, while writing these words, I have tears in my eyes. But I don't even know if I feel sadness. What I know is that I need help. A part of me wants someone to hear me. understand me and help me find a way out of this situation. I'm writing this post because I want to hear your thoughts and advice. I don't expect anyone to solve my problems, but maybe someone here has experienced something similar, or can help me understand what's happening to me. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. You can disagree with me, critique my way of thinking, or tell me honestly what you think. I'm here to listen. Thank you for reading.

God kill me

Like, I have to exist, but I can’t handle life and all that comes with it. I’m too emotional, I’m too caring, I can’t let it go when there is something wrong. I worry about my friends, my studies, my hobbies, state of the world, politics, not being able to find job. I want to be put into mental health center and heavily medicated cause maybe only like that I will feel something apart from pain and sorrow and desire to stop being present. I take my pills, but even with that life seems so hard. I want to cry and to bang my head. World is collapsing and I’m collapsing with it

That sucks, my plan did not work. I am up earlier than I usually am. I feel sick though. I guess I’ll try again another time when I muster up the courage. Until then, I’ll just live out my worthless existence.

for starters I just turned 21 so to celebrate I started using nicotine because I wanted a way to calm myself after work and settled down great idea right anyways there was one issue alcohol was itching in my mind like a addict of years. I noticed day one my emotions where quite rough and trust me I worked months to be able and not react or be impulsive just to be a stable human being however that all went down the drain by day 3 especially once I decided I would buy alcohol. in the amount of time I know dip before work and after, drink headed to work and after. my mind feels so off balance I can't think just react, I just buy things to buy. I ended up attempting to be homeless(brother found me tackled myself and brought me home)because I don't feel I reason outher then to shoot up with drugs and live on the streets and that I'm content with why I say the substance made my mind go on edge I was like no point my ex is the only one I want and if I can't have her no point in trying. I still crave my nic and alcohol so bad as though it helped but it doesn't. i was diagnosed with bpd I thought I overcame it but It show itself this week on top of that I texted an old freind I had no business texting just because I wanted to get down with her I was so ashamed because no one deserves to be used. I also drove a homeless man an hour to get where he was going which is a good thing but really dangerous anyways hopefully someone can help me a little