I (32yo nb) just got out of a 15 year long straight passing relationship and I think I've come to the realization that I've forced myself so deep into the closet that the thought of me being lesbian didn't even occur until now with my deep and super strong crush on a woman.

Long story short. I've been depressed my whole life and had an interesting upbringing with CoCSA (girl cousin) being the cherry on top. I think that cocktail basically made me fearful of happiness and gave me such low self esteem that I deemed myself not worthy of being with a woman? Also, I think I categorized men as easier (heteronormativity).

Has anyone here been in a similar situation and have any advice or tips on coping or moving forward?

Or just sharing your story would help me with not feeling alone/shame.

Any advice on finding a queer community would also be helpful.

I'm open to sharing more about my story as well if anyone has questions.

so i thought my mom was okay with me being a boy few days ago. so today i talked with her about needing to be transitioned in the future and she back paddled very fast. she said i will regret it and become depressed deeply. i told her i would be happy if i could just be me one day, she said her professor friend who did mtf and later was regretting it. And i would too just like them if i go down this path. she said society won't accept me. she said her and dad won't help on that step because i should love myself as i am. for context, i don't hate myself or anything like that, i just want to see myself congruence. i tried to calmly talk about this actual me. she said she loves me but it seems to me this is where she draws the line.

i am scared. i don't have anyone to be with. i don't wanna eat and sleeps a lot. Am i really alone in this? Am i wrong to reach for myself this deeply? Should i let it be her way?

few years ago i made a promise to myself not to make friends and to give empathy too much. all i just wish for is to vanish. i am ftm and i now wish i had someone i could rely on.

This has been on my mind for a bit.

I am a heterosexual 18 year old black male and in my life I’ve been called a specific slur by strangers.

One time was by a kid I used to know. At a football game we were playing and he randomly tripped me and called me that word.

Another time was when I was watching sinner and these group of boys wouldn’t stop getting up and I accidentally yelled “can you sit down” quickly followed by a “sorry” from me.

I heard them calling me the f slur mocking me.

These times pissed me off when they happened but I wonder why. I’m not directly affected by it so should I have the right to be offended by it?

I'm non-binary, and I've been out as non-binary for a year now. I've been experimenting with names and I found one that resonates with me strongly. How do I tell the people in my life that I would rather be referred to with that name and neutral terms (they/them, sibling, etc.) without it being a whole fuss? They're all at least tolerant. I just don't want anyone to question or doubt me on this decision.

Theres a cute guy at my job but I cant tell if he's gay or just really awkward. I asked my mom if she thinks he's gay and she says she thinks he's just awkward and reserved because his sister is also like that but im getting queer vibes from this dude. I asked about heartstopper because most queer people know about heartstopper and has some form of opinion on it whether it's positive or negative and he said he has no idea what that is so im like 'oh maybe he's just a guy' but he's also Mexican so it could just be that he doesn't really know about a lot of America media?? Help idk what to think and I dont wanna ask him because we aren't at that point in our coworker relationship yet and I dont wanna ask his sister because it would be awkward 😭😭😭

My friend was talking about her sexual attraction to her boyfriend and I have never felt such attraction to anyone. Obviously I love people romantically and platonicly but I've never felt like, "yup I wanna fuck them". I have a girlfriend and I love her but I could never love her sexually. I see nude bodies more artistic then sexual and don't get aroused from seeing them. I understand I could be young but it's been hitting me recently when I heard kids in my class talking about sex they've been having (which I think is way too young). I'm almost in high school and I'm aware sexual feelings can develop around middle school but I haven't been able to feel anything towards people in that manner. Is it possible I'm asexual or maybe just not fully developed??

Edit: muting this ty for all your advice

Hey hey

So a couple years ago i found out that i'm Bisexual, all good nothing wrong with that.

I find the whole LGBTQ topic really interesting, and I enjoy learning new things about it. Lately, however, I’ve noticed that the person’s gender doesn’t actually matter to me. Well, I have visual preferences but it's not important what Gender the person is, if they have one.

This sounds like shit—I don’t know how else to put it—but from a sexual perspective, the only thing that matters is what the person has down there.

I have a Boyfriend (kind of open relationship) and i really want to be like friends with benefits with a Person that has female parts.

Is that being Bisexual? Or pan? I really want to know myself better.

Thanks in advance <3

Once in Physics class, me and my best friend were talking about how our hands looked for some reason. We decided to measure hands. We then joked about the fact that in romance books, couples often do this as an excuse to hold hands, and we're like a dumb lesbian couple not taking the opportunity. This then evolved into a different conversation. Later, while walking to PE, my friend told me about a video she saw before, where a girl talks about her experiences with her ex-best friend and how she later found out that she was actually in love with that friend. 

The conversation went to a point where we would both question if that goes for the two of us as well. We talked about how even if we were dating, our relationship wouldn't really change from how it is now, because neither of us are very comfortable with the typical couples' stuff. We're very close and are surprised that we haven't gotten lesbian allegations yet. (Case in point; WE think we act Gay and acknowledge that, but nobody dares to point it out.) We talk very openly about things that most friends wouldn't be comfortable talking about with each other. Even the couples thing was brought up completely without shame, whereas someone who fears they are actually in love with their friend would likely try to keep it secret (fun fact: me and the friend in question are literally writing this TOGETHER, because we both want to know 😭). Me and my friend don't know whether or not we like each other because neither of us have ever had crushes on anyone else before, so we wouldn't know what it feels like. One of our other friends ships us together, but that doesn't really mean anything because she low key ships me with every girl I talk to. 

Are we Gay?

Hey! I (18M) have decided recently to fully come out about my sexuality to everyone I know. I had been kind of out before (mainly because I got forcibly outed multiple times in high school…🫩🫩🫩🫩) but I have fully decided to come out to everyone a few days ago. That being said, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do and how to feel. I know how hard dating is for ace people, and it’s probably even harder when you’re gay on top of that…I also don’t know anyone around me who relates in regards to asexuality. Does anyone have any advice that could maybe help me?

Hi! I’m a 20ish bot with ADHD (No meds) who never tried EVER chem fun. Tho I’m always been curious the effects of it especially during the “ACT”. Someone invited me to do it with him for peak experience (according to him)

Should I try? Or no? And if yes what are my expectations (and I promise to do it once :<><)

I need help mine is always ruins and that makes me sad

And what was their reaction? 🏳️‍🌈❤️

Im a dude, I like woman, I like dudes, I wouldnt exactly call myself bisexual - I prefer just no label or "queer". My issue is that I find it extremely embarrassing to be into dudes.

I support others around me a lot. But me personally, just saying the words "I like dudes." makes me feel like my whole face is hot, like flustered I suppose? Its easy to say I like woman, obviously its expected of guys and woman are just naturally attractive all the time

but saying the same about guys is hard, if I had to describe a man id be attracted to I feel like id die on the spot. I feel a little pathetic, its not that i despise myself for liking men - im perfectly fine with liking men. I just find it really embarrassing and hard to describe without getting fidgety.

hi, apologies if this isn’t allowed!

i (19F) have known i was queer in some capacity since i was 11 years old—initially i identified as bisexual, then around 14 i started to realise i was a lesbian. i accepted myself and came out socially when i was 16, and i haven’t looked back since.

i know im attracted to women. that isn’t a question. the people ive dated have all been women with the exception of one non binary lesbian, and i generally find women much more pleasing to look at than i do men. i can find aesthetic appeal in both genders, but the only one i think that really does anything for me is women.

but recently i’ve been starting to doubt this. it’s not like i’ve suddenly realised i’m attracted to men out of nowhere, it’s moreso that i’m starting to wonder if perhaps i do experience attraction to them, and it looks different than i initially thought. i can’t remember the last time i met a real life guy that i was attracted to—i have a lot of male friends, way more than i do female friends, but they really are just friends to me… the thought of dating them icks me out. but there’s the odd fictional character that does inspire some feelings in me—yet it’s weird, because any time i think about them, i don’t imagine myself reciprocating their affection in a hypothetical scenario. it’s moreso that i think it would be nice if they were attracted to me, but i don’t want to do anything back with them. yet i still like to imagine these scenarios… i can’t imagine anything physical though, i can’t even picture a man touching me without feeling really uncomfortable. but the thought of most intimacy makes me uncomfortable to be fair… more on that ahead, but i don’t know. it’s like, i get weirded out at the idea of either gender touching me or being affectionate with me, but if i had to choose, i would rather it be a woman, because i find them more attractive .

tmi maybe (nsfw ahead, please skip to next paragraph if you don’t want to read abt sex lol) but i find the concept of having sex with a man pretty gross too, i don’t know if i could go through with it even if i was into men. last year while heavily drinking i did kiss one guy at the club during another period of questioning my sexuality, but i don’t think i find him attractive at all, i just liked the idea of someone being attracted to me. i didn’t even really enjoy kissing him… it kinda just bored me, whereas the times ive kissed and made out with girls i have enjoyed it and become aroused. although the concept of sex with either gender makes me really anxious… not in an asexual way (not that there’s anything wrong with asexuals!) i definitely experience sexual attraction and would like to have sex, but i get really weirded out imagining myself having it with anyone. with that being said, i think i would definitely rather have it with a woman, im not sure if id like to have it with a man.

i know that sounds pathetic, but i grew up pretty ugly and weird, i got heavily picked on at school, especially by boys. and i think in a patriarchal society we’re internalising the idea that male validation is the most important thing for women, and so i assumed i didn’t mean anything unless men liked me, and now even as an adult it’s still really hard to shake that—i find myself defaulting to hoping a guy likes me whenever i meet him, despite knowing i wouldn’t want to date him. but sometimes i think i do want a boyfriend—it sounds like a nice idea, to have a guy take care of you, and i feel like i’d feel so much more normal if i did have one. and it’s way easier to get a boyfriend than it is to get a girlfriend… but then id be way happier with a girl, lol… although sometimes i wonder if it’s just because im not used to thinking about myself in the context of a m/f relationship. but yeah—i struggle to work out if im actually attracted to men, or if i want them to be attracted to me—yet, if it’s just the latter, then why am i so hung up on it, and why do i kind of like the idea of having a boyfriend sometimes?

i also wonder if i might just be dealing with extreme internalised biphobia… the online queer community can be really hostile to bisexuals, especially bisexual women sometimes. but then, it can be just as awful to lesbians, and that’s never stopped me from identifying as a lesbian. that’s another thing—so many of my friends are lesbians, my entire identity is wrapped up in my lesbianism and it’s been such a source of pride for me over the years. i hate the idea of one day realising im bisexual and then having to disappoint all the people who know and love me as a lesbian. i would also hate to inadvertently perpetuate the idea that lesbianism is a phase or that lesbians can be ‘fixed’—but i worry that i would be.

i don’t know what else i can say to explain, but if anyone has any further questions they’d like to ask, im all here for it… and i’d ask everyone to please be nice, sorry :(( im kind of sensitive and this topic brings me a lot of anxiety to think about. and if you don’t have anything to ask, then i guess do i sound more lesbian or bisexual to you? i know not everybody can tell me for me, i can only decide this myself, but it would be interesting to hear other people’s perspectives. thank you ♡

For context, my siblings and I were all raised by very religious, very traditional parents. As in, homeschooled, father worked, mother took care of the house, many babies, church in Latin every Sunday, think we are all either going to get married and have many babies or be priests and nuns, they threatened to throw me out on the streets at 16 when they caught me reading a book with two male love interests, don't know their opinions on conversion camps, but wouldn't bet on it being out of the question for them. I am now 19 and in college, but largely financially dependent on them.

My little sister is 14, and I am pretty certain she's not straight. We weren't close when young (shared a room for 10+ years with wildly different interests, personalities, and general tastes) but have gotten closer since I left for college, and she probably trusts me most of all our family members. She has outright said to me that "if it weren't for being a Catholic, [she'd] be a lesbian." She's never really had any crushes or anything on boys that I know of. Well except Aragorn from LotR, but I'm pretty sure everyone has a crush on him.

In addition, she's always been a tomboy, thinks dresses are pretty but doesn't like wearing them, used her baby dolls as weapons to hit our brothers with, etc. She wears a lot of baggy clothes and hoodies that hide her shape, and has mentioned feeling insecure about her body, but I don't think it's in the way our older sister and I were. She has very long hair that she keeps in an ultra tight ponytail almost 24/7, and when I asked her if she'd prefer having short hair, she told me she hated feeling it move around and touch her face, and she asked our mother about getting it short-short, like our brother's (think Dean Winchester from Supernatural), but was told it would be weird and a waste, since her hair is such a pretty color, so this was alright.

I've been trying to kind of nudge her away from our parents' way of thinking, but I can't really gauge where she is in that, and I don't want to risk her letting slip my opinions until I've got my degree, a job, and have a place to stay, and even then I know they would block all contact between me and my younger siblings, so my plan was to wait until she's 18 (she's the youngest), but now I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm overthinking her, but I don't think she realizes either. And is it safe if she has it figured out? I know her, she would NOT be able to keep quiet about it, especially around our parents. I want her happy, but I need her safe first.

I've made her aware that once I move out (this summer) she can always come stay with me. I traded a bunch of my sweaters and jackets for her dresses and skirts and took them all with me so that our mother can't make her wear as much stuff that she dislikes. Over winter break, we'll be dropped off at the mall so I can get new shoes, the plan is for her to come with so we can find her some nice clothes that she actually likes. I'm currently looking for hair dos that won't bug her, will fly by our mother, and that she can do herself. Worst comes to worst, I can hack some chunks off, get glue in it or something so she can get it cut. Or would that draw our parents attention on her more? I'm really lost here.

TL;DR my parents are really not good, i think my teen sister likes girls, also might be not cis, what do i do so neither of us ends up out of contact, homeless or worse?

I’m curious if anyone can speak to my experience and may be able to help me decide where I fit.
I know labels are societal structures so I don’t really want commentary on that, but they help me personally figure out how I identify.
Currently, I identify as a cis woman who goes by she/they pronouns.

Is it common to be non binary and still resonate with your womanhood? All I see is talk about feeling like you don’t fit any specific gender and I just don’t resonate with that.
Ideally, I would like to present more androgynous but still be referred to as a woman. I don’t really mind she/they pronouns but I don’t really want to be referred to as he.
Am I just a woman who likes androgyny or is there some category I fit into that I’m unaware of?

I hope to explore my gender identity and societal constructs more when I am able to return to therapy but since that’s inaccessible for me right now, I figured this was a good a place as any to ask.

Thank you for reading and engaging. 💚

Hello reddit, I am a trans man who works with queer teens and today there was a new kid who said he identifies as a trans masc he/him lesbian.

The space is meant for them to freely explore themselves and feel safe. They can often throw labels you've never heard of and maybe even several at a time! But hey, we don't really judge. I'm happy they feel safe enough to share whatever is on their minds.

But today was different and it will probably give mixed comments too. I really don't like it when someone who is trans masc says he's a lesbian. Maybe it's because of my trans masculine identity or maybe I'm too "binary" to understand. But I really don't know how to deal with it. I don't want the kid to feel unwelcome.

So anyone who can give their two cents?

Edit: I'm not sure what his genderidentity is. Will ask him next time to be sure. I will add another question though: if he identifies as male, not masc, how do I deal with that?

I was watching a comedian earlier, and he called a man (that word). I don’t fully know my sexuality, but I only date women and will only ever date women. I find guys to be nice to look at, and always say I wanna get with them (especially fictional men) but I never fully mean it. So for that reason I’m hesitant to call myself a lesbian, but loving women is a huge part of who I am.

But I looked into the comments of that video and no one was saying anything about the word usage. This is something I’ve been tired of. No one ever takes discrimination against women who like women seriously. To the point I’m questioning if I’m just too woke. Is it really just not a big deal? It really hurt me, a lot.

I’ve been out in the open for my sexuality and gender expression for over 5 years now. My social life has been a lot of time in the FGC, TCG community, and church groups but to come to think of it, I don’t have a single friend in the LGBTQ community. No one who really understands that part of my life and I want to get to know people like that but I don’t know how

I’ve been to only a few pride type events in 2 different areas, most of them with previous romantic partners that I kind of just stuck with so I didn’t really meet anyone else there, and 1 time it was a very sexual type group with a lot of people quite a bit older than I was (like 35 and up seemed to be the majority) and I was not a big fan of that.

So my question is how does a person like me get themselves involved in the LGBTQ community coming in alone? How do you find out about events or stuff happening in my area? I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s wondered this before and potentially, there’s a lot of people on this subreddit who started in a similar place.

If anyone has very specific information that would be specific to me, I’d be happy to hear and listen (24 living in Phoenix AZ).

I’m a younger

Soo, a little bit recently, I started to realize I hated being called straight. (I'm not cis btw, enby, but that was before i figured that out)

My older brother called me out for liking boys and for being straight, and I started to hate it and I don't know why. Maybe I just hate everything that sounds like a negative thing? Especially when it comes from my brother, because I admire him a lot. He's also trans, so he's not a man or a woman, and likes women (or feminine) I don't know what this means, I don't think I like girls but... still.

I am a lesbian, and I met a girl in college. I thought she was gorgeous, interesting, and smart, and we also shared a lot of common values. In the beginning, everything was very intense, especially on her end—she used to say I was so easy to fall in love with, gave me gifts, and told me I was everything she had ever dreamed of.

She is diagnosed with anxiety, social phobia, ASD, and depression, with a few others still being evaluated, like bipolar disorder. She also had some cuts on her left arm and a neuropsychological evaluation report that noted: "low agreeableness, self-centered attitude, little concern for others' well-being, hostile responses, poor impulse control, and low frustration tolerance." She has been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist since she was 13, but I only found these things out after we had already been together for months.

She struggled with kissing and didn't like physical touch; we only kissed sporadically and never went any further than that throughout the ten months we were together.

After about three to four months, once the initial excitement wore off, I started feeling like the care was sometimes one-sided (I was only able to realize this after the breakup). I put much more effort into the relationship than she did, even though she said she loved me (for instance, I always bought food whenever she came over to my place, bought her favorite sweets, and listened whenever she had an issue, but I didn't feel that reciprocated; my friend listened to me and supported me through hard times much more than she did).

Regarding the kissing, we had already talked about it, and she wanted to work on it, but she kept freezing up and dodging the subject whenever I brought it up. It reached a point where I tried talking about it in person, and she chose to go to a bar with her friend rather than have that conversation with me. On another occasion, the three of us—me, her, and her friend—were hanging out, and they were already planning a trip; her friend mentioned he needed to get a boyfriend so we could go on a double-date trip, and right in front of me, she simply said, "Let's just go the two of us as planned." She could never sleep over at my apartment, even though both of us lived on our own and weren't in the same city as our parents (she even brought this up during the breakup, saying that sleeping over at her gay friend's place was fine, but at mine it wasn't, that she didn't feel comfortable, and that it wasn't because I was a bad person, etc.).

Another time (this was earlier in the relationship), we went to a party and she got sick. I held her hair back while she threw up, took off her sneakers and jewelry, and put her to bed. When she woke up, I had a terrible headache; she asked if I needed anything and I said "no," but I hoped she would show some care in return—instead, she simply left and didn't give it a second thought. It was common for her to wake up saying she was sad, and when I'd ask what happened, she would say, "I don't know, I've always been like this," or "If even my friend who has known me for years doesn't get it, you won't either."

Then one day, after being "abandoned" by her friends, she took an entire blister pack of antidepressants, just dropped that on me, and disappeared. I was worried sick, texted her asking how I could help, and only got cold responses or told "not to sound like a telemarketer." Eventually, she texted me saying she wanted to break up, that she didn't see herself marrying me anymore, and that we weren't really compatible. When I questioned why, she said that the fact that I was always trying to help or asking "how I could help" didn't feel like something between girlfriends, but rather clinical—like a doctor. But I don't agree. I asked because I loved her, wanted to know how she was doing, and wanted to help in any way I could since she never opened up to me. I never crossed any boundaries.

And now, two months after breaking up with me, I saw her on campus holding hands with another woman.