r/agender • u/Brimlok2730 • 21h ago
Meme I guess.
This picture is not mine, it’s made by SlurryBender
r/agender • u/kiki0320 • Aug 03 '20
I've seen a lot of people posting here recently asking if they're agender if they feel like this or prefer that. Personally I feel like this is not what being agender is about! IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AND COSY WITH THE AGENDER LABEL THEN FEEL FREE TO USE THAT LABEL. You don't have to be like any other agender person, we all have our own unique experiences with gender or lack thereof. You don't have to have any qualifying features to be agender - you just need to be comfortable being one :)
Rant over.
r/agender • u/ystavallinen • Jun 03 '24
Hello, welcome....
I've been here over three years now and I've read 90% of all posts since arriving. I have written what I have learned and just share it with people as they show up. It's a bit formulaic/spammy but people keep saying they find it helpful.
Agender doesn't really have a rigidly defined box... or it's a magic box that fits whoever gets in it.
Agender is a diverse, entirely self-actualized label for humans who may not even like labels all that much. You can use it like a hermit crab until you find a better one. You can use it with other labels if you want.
So here are some pointers....
Some agender people don't understand gender or how people feel it.
Some agender people reject social gendering.
Some agender people feel like gender(s) don't fit.
Some agender people are null, void, indifferent, or detached.
Some agender people have other parts of their identity that are dominant.
Agenders may or may not care about pronouns and can use any they want.
Agenders may or may not present any particular way. You don't owe anyone a certain kind of presentation to be agender, including androgyny. Dress/style however you want to.
Agenders may or may not have gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia. They may or may not act on it if they do.
Agenders may or may not feel they have/had a gender at birth, and thus may or may not feel transgender. Agenders can adopt a trans label.
A number of agenders even have mixed feelings about identifying non-binary and may not really identify as NB; many are fine with it. Nonbinary is both an umbrella term but also a specific gender identity. Nonbinary people can still feel that they have a gender, but their gender isn't strictly man, woman, or some neogender. Agender people generally feel no gender or don't connect with gender. This technically falls under the nonbinary label but not every agender person uses nonbinary as a label.
Agenders may or may not care about being out. How do you come out if you're already yourself?
People who've read this far might be thinking to themselves at this point, "well that list doesn't describe anything." I respond, "No kidding friend; the irony is not lost on me." There are limits to language. Other cultures (e.g. Native American and Polynesian) and languages are better equipped to deal with continuum and uncertainties when it comes to gender.
The one common defining feature is that agenders don't feel or relate to gender (e.g. social constructs of male/masculine or female/feminine), or only weakly feel it, most of the time.
The ethos is you should call yourself agender if you feel it based on how you understand it. The label agender is meant to describe who you are, not prescribe who you have to be. If you're something else later that fits better, it's all good.
Recognize there's no set way to be an agender person. I personally like it this way because trying to define a person based on an absence of things is hard (you don't often respond to the question 'how are you doing?' by telling them everything you're not feeling). I find the lack of a set way to be agender very affirming. I thought I was a trans woman for a long time; just because you're not something, doesn't necessarily mean you're the 'opposite'. That took some time to figure out. I never did anything about the dysphoria because gender at the forefront wasn't a compulsion. I might have had better body alignment, but I don't think I would've fit in any better. So you might be discovering this about yourself early teens/20's.... or late 50's like me (although I have probably been effectively agender way before I knew the term).
Another thing I've noticed is that there are quite a few neurodiverse/neurodivergent people who resonate with this label.
There are also a bunch of relevant sublabels to choose from as well. Other labels to consider demi-, libra-, a--coupled with -fluid, -boy, -girl, -fem, -masc, or -flux; Apagender, Cassagender, Gendervoid, Neutrois, Nixic, and many others... Some new ones to me are "cisn't" (which I like very much because it's easier to say I'm not a thing than I am a thing) and neurogender (similar to autigender but encompasses more neurodivergences). And agender is compatible with any of them.
Remember, you're a person first; labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. The labels are just there like markers on a map to see how you might relate to others. As you will see, there's lots of ways to be agender if the label suits you. Hang out, read other people's posts, see how you like things.
People get here lots of ways though, and more than I even say here I it's safe to assume I haven't met every kind of way in my still short exposure.
Hope this helps get you started.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Hi everyone. So above is a post I often share in here. I was helped in this sub Jan 2023 when I found myself in need of expressing transgender thoughts I've been carrying around my whole life, but never acted on. I had felt very much out of place for decades and was shocked (somewhat stupidly and for entirely too long) that there were people out there in the same kind of place I was.
This has been my way to pay the help I received forward, because new arrivals sometimes don't quickly understand how flexible this label is. I had my moments of doubt, but the openness here help make it click.
However, I don't think of this post as static. I have changed it as I learn. People regularly say things in this sub that have inspired changes. Please don't think this is the be-all says-all of agender experiences.
r/agender • u/Brimlok2730 • 21h ago
This picture is not mine, it’s made by SlurryBender
r/agender • u/Starlight814680 • 8h ago
Every now and then I get this intense hyperfocus on physical strength. I have a female body, so I think about the social hierarchy based around physical strength and the idea that I'm supposed to be worried that men can overpower me. Tbh, I think what I'm actually worrying about is that i don't feel like I'm in the 'woman' category and tend to see people as people, not as a specific gender. So the distressing feelings seem to be coming from the idea that what I'm doing internally doesn't seem to match with what happens socially.
Does this sound familiar? I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head! Am I agender? I think so. But I'm worried I'm just trying to escape a social hierarchy i don't like.
r/agender • u/Big-Bank511 • 1d ago
It's been a while since I've felt like myself. I was assigned female at birth, but I don't feel connected to being female. At the same time, it's not like I want to be male either. I genuinely don't know how to explain it.
I hate the sex characteristics of my body. I don't like the idea of having a vagina, but I don't want a penis either. Honestly, I don't really want either. I just wish I could have a male-looking chest. ONLY THE CHEST. That's the only male physical characteristic I actually want.
I don't want a penis, and I don't want a vagina. I don't want to have to identify as male or female based on my body, either. I just want to exist without these sex characteristics that make me uncomfortable.
When it comes to gender, I feel pretty neutral. I let people call me whatever they want because none of it really feels like me, but none of it bothers me that much either.
I genuinely like the idea of being female in some ways, but with a male chest and neither a vagina nor a penis. I don't even know what that would make me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm agender or genderless, or if there's another term for what I'm feeling.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I am, but I'd really like to hear from people who might understand this feeling.
Sorry in advance if I use any incorrect terms. I'm still trying to figure myself out, and I don't really know how to put these feelings into words.
r/agender • u/No_Constant4993 • 6h ago
This is still one of the best articles I've seen and even if you don't identify as non-binary (I don't), you can mentally replace every mention of non-binary with agender and it still works:
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary
r/agender • u/Mog1corp • 23h ago
I hate being perceived as a woman it makes me uncomfortable and feel detached from the people around me as that’s not the real me that’s their view of me.
But the problem is I have no desire to change my body. I like my body and feel no need to try and look androgynous. 99% of my wardrobe is sweat pants and hoodies anyways and I have short hair as long hair makes me dysphoric.
This means that I am 99.9% guaranteed to be seen as a woman and I can’t blame anyone around me because well I look like one. Only once in a blue moon a stranger uses they/them and it makes me so happy. I can’t expect to be seen as genderless with this presentation but god does it suck 🥲
r/agender • u/MarxistJester • 1d ago
Nonbinary person here that has always described itself as genderless seeing how it feels like it gets the point across of what i feel, but upon confrontation from people asking me if i’m agender, i’m like “yeah, i’m that”, as in it means the same thing to me as genderless, but upon researching more about the community, correct me if i’m wrong but it encompasses people who define their genderlessness itself to be a gender or people who experience some sort of absence of gender, not necessarily the complete absence of it and complete unsubscription from the concept of gender that doesn’t seem to ever really change. Then did some digging around for communities that feel this way, and the term that popped up was ‘apogender’, which i see in the lgbtqia wiki is referred to as “a subset of agender in which one feels not only genderless but entirely removed from the concept of gender. It can be described as less than a lack of gender and more as having no connection, association, or relation towards the concept of gender as a whole.” And feel that describes me exactly, assuming this is the consensus among apogender people (which I wonder, are there communities here in reddit to find people such as us or are we all centered here? If so, hello!). I may not understand the agender community exactly due to my lack of interaction here, but I would be right about my earlier assumption right? That agender is more of a umbrella term for people experiencing some sort of “genderlessness”?
r/agender • u/Single_Craft440 • 5h ago
i know it's just how i feel, but i cannot comprehend the thought of someone not liking one of the genders or caring about what gender they are (not speaking of caring what gender biologically they are) and i believe that many people are gay or trans but will never accept that and it makes me sad
r/agender • u/in_my_opinion_2026 • 1d ago
I inhabit a female body, but I think most people would be completely put off if I told them I was still a virgin at my age. Beyond the issue of sex itself, I’ve never had a comfortable romantic relationship with anyone, and I have no desire to do anything that might be painful.
Part of it is that I’m overweight, but I’m also deeply self-conscious about my bust size—which is around 110 cm—and feel like I need to lose weight. People have mocked the size of my breasts ever since I was in high school—behavior that would actually qualify as sexual harassment. It’s continued into my working life, too; I once had a male boss tease me when I was bowling badly, asking, "Is your arm hitting those huge boobs of yours?"
When it comes to my own body, I feel a sense of revulsion toward everything associated with being female; honestly, I sometimes wish I didn't even have to be human. I realize that’s an extreme way of thinking and that I’m in the minority...
Lately, I’ve been playing a game called “Warframe”. Compared to typical games, there isn't much talk about "masculinity" or "femininity" there. The armor sets you equip as the protagonist are categorized as male or female, yet you can use either type regardless of gender—just based on performance—and I find that really comforting. Ideally, I’d prefer the armor not to be gendered at all, and I do feel uncomfortable using sets that look too feminine.
Anyway, while I look like an ordinary woman at first glance, I detest the gender roles society expects of women. I’m not particularly interested in things like manicures or fashion, yet I don’t feel like I ought to have a penis, either. It’s a complicated set of feelings.
r/agender • u/Outrageous_Steak_810 • 1d ago
I'm agender now. Not because I'm actually agender or whatever that is.
I'm sick of flip flopping back and forth thinking I'm genderfluid or binary trans or whatever.
Trying to force myself into boxes I don't know if I fit into or not because I don't feel anything.
I'm being myself because I just feel like myself, not whatever gender feels like.
I am myself.
!!!!!! FUCK YOU !!!!!!
(Ps I love you I'm not trying to be mean 😢)
r/agender • u/Confident_Sympathy23 • 23h ago
you know.....if i feel like an impostor every single day......it might be because i am one...right?
r/agender • u/happie776 • 1d ago
So, i'm probably agender. I mean, i've gone through periods of using and not using the label, could someone help kind of suggest if I could actually be agender or if it's something else?
I don't have an internal experience of gender, I never did. I don't feel comfortable being put into boxes of labels like man or woman. At one point I thought I was a masc girl. I tried but I just keep "forgetting" I even have a gender. I don't know if my feelings are rooted in societal norms of gender, because if society was that way that we were all unlabeled, we just simply had different bodies but we didn't have labels like man or woman, I would actually be chill with that. I don't necessarily feel resentment towards my body unless people try to push me into boxes.
At the same time though, I like being seen as a guy too, I like using he/him, I like going by masc terms whatever, I keep thinking "maybe i'm just a masc woman like I thought after all" but I really don't know.
r/agender • u/Worried-Gear-5366 • 1d ago
Agender. Like boys (and girls, and enby). Doesn't like being masc. Likes being femme. Wants to be in a relationship with a boy, but want it to be gay. what😭 does anyone else also feel like this or is it only me and im maybe not agender
r/agender • u/Anno_05 • 1d ago
I have never disliked being a girl either. I rarely want to present super femme, but its mainly because most typical super feminine things (dresses, skirts, make-up, women’s shoes that aren’t like, sneakers) are either very impractical, or just straight up uncomfortable. But i still like those things, and occasionally want to wear them. (Except for the shoes. I HATE all feminine shoes! they never fit me right!) I also just don’t care about body hair. I do sometimes shave my arms and legs, but its mainly because I find the process kinda satisfying. But I will get my facial hair removed every once in a while, because I don’t love the way my eyebrows look fully grown out.
I also like my body! I don’t have the desire to permanently change any parts of my body, but if I had they ability to temporarily change some parts of myself, I would definitely choose to make myself have a flat chest in front of other people. Maybe this is because i’m scared of being sexualised, or maybe it’s because I’m experiencing gender dysphoria, I can’t really tell😅
I also love feminine mannerisms. And growing up, i wanted to be like the really elegant women I would see on tv. And whenever I would play pretend, I would always be a super elegant lady. Except for when I would play house, where I would play the Dad. But in real life, I’m not particularly feminine or girly.
But I do have like, 2 personality traits that are typically associated with being a girl. Around new/unfamiliar people,I’m shy. But around people i’m close with, I’m usually very loud, dramatic, constantly talking/making weird sounds, and kind of a weirdo. But sometimes, i can also be somewhat sensitive.
I also feel like if I woke up as a man tomorrow, I would definitely panic. Because to me, It would be like going to sleep in your bed, and waking up in another. I would probably settle down pretty quickly, but definitely feel startled at first. Because, this body has been my home for my entire life, I would definitely feel a bit out of sorts if it suddenly changed.
But the thing that really made me question my gender was, I feel as though if I was raised as a boy, I would still like all of these things. I would still like the idea of dressing femininely, I would still have the same hobbies, and I would still like mimicking the mannerisms of elegant women. Though maybe I would pretend to be a male character more often. I don’t know this alternative version of myself, so I can only guess what they would be like.
I also just, don’t feel like being a girl is an integral part of who I am. I do instinctively call myself a “silly little gal” but it almost feels like a genderless term. Like how most people use the word “dude” or “guys”. Because being a “silly little gal” is a state if mind.
At the end of the day, I don’t enjoy any of these things because I’m a girl, but because I like them. And my likes/interests just conveniently align with what society associates with being a girl.
I don’t care about pronouns, you can call me whatever you want. I do like my birth name, and feel like it is a part of my identity.
At the end of the day, I just feel like myself. I want to be seen as a feminine genderless being more than anything else. And I don’t want to be perceived as a girl (though I don’t mind it), I don’t want anything to be assumed about me because i’m a feminine person, and I don’t want anyone to assume that I would be a drastically different person if I had been raised as a boy.
Also, I know that I am the only person who can figure out my gender identity, but I have a habit of getting in my head about things, so having other peoples opinions is very helpful to me!
Hope you guys are having a lovely day💛💛
r/agender • u/Single_Craft440 • 2d ago
r/agender • u/jaxxyboi7182 • 2d ago
I feel like a part of me is both agender and boy,the other part is fluid. I don't want to call myself agenderflux or agender because it feels empty. But cant call myself a demifluid too,My connection to gender isn't that strong. Ugh wth am I helppp
r/agender • u/Sorman1913 • 3d ago
Which one of them do you prefer most?
Halloween celebration is in 19 days.
🖤🩶🤍💚🤍🩶🖤
Edit: the last image is my favorite 🎃
We still have to add the button, hence her holding it in place lol
r/agender • u/Sorman1913 • 4d ago
As an agender person (AMAB), I sometimes wish I had never had genitals because I hate that I was circumcised without my consent, I hate being horny, I hate being addicted to masturbation and I hate being treated denied basic human rights because of my genitals. I hate being forced to fit into one of the very strict gender roles. It feels like torture to be stuck in this body with genitals.
Sometimes, I imagined myself without genitals in my dream, and it felt like relief, relaxed and free from my problems.
Have you ever wished you had never had genitals in the first place? Do you relate to any of my problems?
r/agender • u/Confident_Sympathy23 • 4d ago
the way i think abt it is this. there is gender identity and then there is gender expression. i can identify as agender but still express myself in a way that is nonbinary. im open to discussion
r/agender • u/aroace_gay44 • 4d ago
I headcanon all the Pokemon as agender because they use it/its pronouns and because Pokemon are awesome