My partner and I (both 25) met 4 years ago and when we met we were both gay guys. We were both vers and had similar libidos. Our dynamic was the best I ever had. I finally found someone who wasn't hung up on gender roles, positions, dom-sub, etc.

A little over a year ago she came out and started transitioning and her libido died within a month. Soon after she stopped topping. She says topping invalidates her. She can't stay hard anymore, but says even if she could she doesn't want to top anymore.

I resent her big time because, and this isn't her fault, throughout my teens until I was 22 I had pretty severe agoraphobia. I never got to experiment or go on a bunch of dates or anything like she did. From 16 until she met me was her "hoe phase" and now that she's with me, the person she loves and wants a future with, she's accepted that she's been a woman all along and flips our dynamic on its head.

I don't want the crazy partying or anonymous hookups all the time because I'm still pretty introverted, and the idea of casual sex rarely appeals to me, but I hate that I have to give up bottoming and being submissive. I liked that we would flip roles in the bedroom. I like that I could be myself with her before she transitioned. Now I have to be the dom top 24/7 otherwise she's invalidated and gets dysphoria.

FML.

This is a hard post to write. I feel like a ginormous asshole. I probably am. I am 32F and my partner is 35M. He is FTM. He has been out for over a decade, just a little less than the time we’ve been together. He’s been on testosterone. His documents are not changed. That being said, he passes. It’s not conditional. It doesn’t change with having his legal name either. The only people who misgender him or question his maleness are his immediate family.

So, you know, in my opinion, I have been in a relationship with a man for like a decade. Well. I don’t think he feels that way, and I’m kind of at a loss here.

Basically we got into a conversation about the fact people take him more seriously than me. I didn’t word it like that, but that was the gist. We bring him to my doctor’s appointments so they won’t just brush me off (which they still do, but they listen to him!). This was pissing me off, that doctors listen to him and not me. When he has a problem it’s fixed in one appointment. When I have a problem I see doctors about it for years and they all shrug and tell me I’m a woman.

But it’s other things too. His parents harangue me about grandkids, not him. I get catcalled and leered at in public, he doesn’t. I get groped at bars. People interrupt me but not him. Etc.

After I ranted about the doctor though, he snapped at me and told me I was ‘creating a power imbalance,’ and actually everyone sees him as a woman, and everyone treats him the exact same way as they treat me. Then he implied that… people are less misogynist to me than they are to him? I didn’t say anything else except, “Well, I don’t think that’s true,” and we dropped the topic. But, like, it isn’t true. I go everywhere with this dude. I see it. I’m not saying being trans is easy. I’m not saying nobody is ever a dick. That being said, there is a power imbalance in our relationship and it swings in his favor. In the past he’s even used it against me in hurtful ways, like winning arguments by saying people are more likely to believe him than me, so I should pretty much just let him be right or do what he wants. (“Who do you think they’ll believe, me or you?”)

It really didn’t feel different from fighting with my high school boyfriend about whether male privilege exists even though men have problems lol. Except my high school boyfriend didn’t tell me his male privilege doesn’t exist because he’s pretty much a woman.

I tried to take it in the moment as an expression of dysphoria and me not understanding his expressions, and I do understand trans men can be misgendered and treated ‘like women’ by assholes in this world. That being said… I am a woman who is read as a woman 100% of the time. My partner is a man who is read as a man 99.9% of the time. So. I can’t stop thinking about it and being bothered.

Here’s my poor explanation I guess.

I am a tomboy. I own more men’s clothes than women’s clothes. I’m pretty much either wearing men’s workwear or Dollskill. 5/6 of the time I’m a girl lumberjack. That last 1/6 I use my powers and Sailor Moon transformation myself into a crazy little lady in a tiny dress and huge heels. I kind of meticulously upkeep my appearance in service of that 1/6th of a time I go all out. Hair, nails, eyebrows, skincare. I wouldn’t say anyone views me as masculine, and I don’t view myself that way either, but that’s the situation.

My partner passes as male, but he is not extraordinarily masculine. His hair is longer than mine. Sometimes he wears eyeliner. He owns more women’s clothing than I do. He pretty much only wears those. I have tried to take him shopping just in case it was a confidence thing, or a not wanting to spend money on himself situation, and he doesn’t want to. He says men’s clothing doesn’t fit him, but he has 50lbs and 6 inches on me and men’s clothing fits me just fine. I’ve passed him on men’s jeans that didn’t fit me before, and away they go, into a drawer, never to be seen again so he can wear the same women’s jeans he’s been wearing for a decade.

I am obviously not a stickler for gender roles. I like men, and my prior two serious relationships were both with cis men. Neither one was insanely macho or anything. They were both nerds! I’m a nerd! They were just normal dudes.

But… like… now that we’ve had that conversation, wherein he kind of insinuated that he’s… more of a woman than I am? I’m sort of wondering what the fuck we’re doing here, and, to put it colloquially, I think I got the ick. I’m suddenly bothered. I’m realizing I was bothered the whole time.

He’ll make it sound like one day he’s going to become super masc, and he’ll show me the men he aspires to be like and they’re very masculine. At this point I think he isn’t accounting for what he’s really like. You aren’t going to look like Hugh Jackman if you dress like Gerard Way. You aren’t going to get buff if you don’t go to the gym. You have to actually do something more than just take testosterone and keep wearing what you wore when you were 16.

I was fine with it either way, I thought. But then he “no you”ed me about medical misogyny and now I’m questioning if I’m even in a relationship with a dude. In that argument he seriously made it sound as if I was this brutishly masculine person and he was a delicate flower, and it reminded me so much of fights we’ve had in the past where he’s done the same thing.

His family accuses me of turning him trans or something. Now I’m wondering not if I did, but if I’m somehow subliminally forcing him to be more masculine and he resents me for it, because I’m realizing… actually, maybe I’m not cool with it? Maybe I find men’s clothes on men hot? I miss when his hair was short. It drives me insane that when he talks to people he raises his voice 2 octaves.

So, like, maybe I’ve been putting off those feelings and he’s sensed it and has been trying to please me by being more masculine while also not compromising his own likes. Maybe if I wasn’t the straight woman he was into he’d be nonbinary or a masculine woman or something. Maybe his parents are right and I made him trans with my evil pants wearing woman powers because I’m secretly a butch lesbian who hates herself or something. I don’t know.

All I think I know is I don’t know how to deal with the cognitive dissonance of being in a straight relationship for a decade only to be told I’m the dude when it comes to matters of misogyny because I wear men’s shoes.

I need a therapist, man.

I see a lot of posts about trans guys starting to become attracted to men after they begin taking testosterone. I’m a cis girl, and my boyfriend is trans; we’ve been together for several years, though he’s still in the early stages of his transition. I’m really afraid that he might start finding men attractive and that I’ll end up being rejected.

Could other cis girls who are with trans guys please offer some reassurance?

I really need to read some stories that have a happy ending.

I have been waking up normally. Getting ready, going to work doing all the things I need to do. But this morning was the first day I didn’t want to get up. My MtF partner ended our relationship abruptly with no closure six weeks ago. I know they are out dating on the apps, experiencing their full joy, and I am here left alone to hold the shrapnel of a future I had built with us be each other’s sides. I don’t quite know where to put all the grief. Therapist? Seeing them twice a week. Tolan app? Got that. Friends? Have those, too. But my heart aches.

The question I woke up with this morning was this. They wanted to be my protector. And I handed myself to them to be that person for me. But when it came to actually protecting us and the relationship, it feels like I was traded away for experiences they wanted or needed to have. I don’t have a penis. I can’t provide them what they wanted. That is too simplistic, but I couldn’t get them to talk through what the core was. Is it they wanted someone to see them and treat them as a woman and they didn’t want that person to be me? I saw them as a woman and they found that part of me maybe disgusting? They couldn’t allow themselves to move our relationship into a more lesbian dynamic instead of the male/female roles we initially began in? I moved my own gender space into a space where it wasn’t centered on them and their gender so that we could survive the transition, maybe even blossom through to together. But together we are not and I just don’t know what to do with that. No one prepares you for this kind of pain and rejection.

I’m just really sad today. And I miss them. And the beautiful future we had planned.

Hello hello, I’ve written a couple posts here then deleted them and the whole app for some long months due to my mental health being utter trash. But now I’ve come to ramble to the void as I am utterly heartbroken.

My (cisF) partner (amab nb/?) broke up with me officially last night (we live together). They came out to me as questioning in March of this year and it was a rocky spring and early summer. We both entered individual therapy and couples therapy and things genuinely seemed to be getting better. We were communicating, spending quality time together, and rebuilding from the ground up. During this time They questioned their gender pretty heavily, swinging from wanting to fully binary transition to settling on nb with femme experimentation. For me, the summer was good. We didn’t return to normal because that normal was no longer achievable, but I felt in love and hopeful and excited about our relationship. Though I’ve been struggling with the change (I’ve had to look hard at what I want and my attraction, I felt really positive). I’ve been doing a lot of internal work to break some bad habits and support them as best I can.

Then came September. We’re both grad students, I’m in my final year and conducting my thesis, and we unfortunately fell into some bad habits, our communication tanked and we fell out of sync. During this time, they pulled away, retreating from rooms when I walked in, choosing in all instances to spend time with others over me (behaviors they exhibited prior to all of this when they felt overwhelmed and anxious). Throughout it all, I tried my best to communicate and try to help them, identify if we needed to make changes, etc. but they said we’re okay, just need more emotional intimacy, and that the relationship and I were what they wanted.

We spent a really lovely weekend this past weekend, It was textbook why I fell in love with them. It wasn’t perfect, I left still feeling a little unsure of things still, but I had hope that we were on the right track to rectifying our cycles and that we were both in it.

Well, cut to last night where we had dinner, played a game, after which they acted really odd and finally sat down and said “I think it’s time we break up”. It came as a complete shock. Just that morning they were trying to be intimate. They made plans with me for later this month. A week ago we booked plane tickets for joint holidays with family. They said they love me and don’t want to break up and that this is what they wanted not 3 days ago.

But I’m reeling. I tried asking questions, but they kept saying that they don’t think they can give me what I want, but they never asked me or clarified what I want! I just, I’ve had no input in how any of this has gone (understandably when related to their transition), but now the relationship has ended and I didn’t even know they felt in such dire straights. Apparently they had felt odd since the summer but didn’t tell me. They’ve also been feeling a desire to be more femme which I support fully but have struggled with in the context of the relationship, so I understand the hesitancy to tell me that fully. They wanted me to be more emotionally intimate (and I’ve tried) but apparently they couldn’t reciprocate because I knew none of this. I’ve bent myself backwards trying to make things better and be better and i know relationships end for all sorts of valid reasons, but I just feel completely stripped of respect and dignity. We were together 3 years. We live together. We moved cross country where neither of us know anyone to live together and pursue school. We had plans and planned a future. Neither of us can afford to move out and the lease isn’t up until June and will be cohabitating for the foreseeable future.

I just don’t know how to move forward. My life has completely entered free fall and the person I most want to tell about it and spend time with will continue living with me. I just blindsided and shocked and so so so mad and sad that this is what my life is right now.

I am so lost and I don’t know how to continue on because I have literally no one where I live and I’m in the middle of thesis. I just, don’t know how to become okay again. I don’t know how to live with them without being with them. I don’t know how to stop loving them. I just, I thought this was the person I’d spend the rest of my life with and I thought we were in it together to figure out how to make that happen. And to just be told it’s over without being no more details…..I just feel so stupid and lost.

This weekend, my boyfriend said he likes women’s clothing and being referred to by a she/her pronouns, but that he still identifies as male. The whole situation left me confused, but I did my best to support them because I would never want to hold him back.

Even though I’m bisexual, this felt very strange to me. Seeing him dressed in a feminine way was very different—he had never shown this side of himself throughout our four-year relationship. And I’m afraid of what our relationship will be like now; I’m afraid things will change too much and I won’t be able to maintain a relationship because of it.

I felt so bad when I told him I’d get used to it because the first thing he said to me was, “If this makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stop dressing like this—we’ll pretend it never happened.” But I don’t want that; I want him to be whoever makes him feel whole, whoever makes him happy.

I wonder if the awkwardness is just because it’s still so new, or if it’s a problem rooted deep within me.

  I’ve been with my partner for just over four years and they just recently told me they don’t want to have children due to the fact that they want to transition openly now. (They’re MtF and I am a cis female) they opened up to me about it about two years in but only a few months ago decided they didn’t want kids. I’ve been devastated. They’re sex drive as also greatly diminished.. but I was sucking it up because I love them. Well, last night I ended things with them because they were dead set on not having kids and that is something I just can’t compromise. Today, they spoke to their family and surprisingly the family is being supportive. So NOW they’re rethinking the kid thing.  It’s been such a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m worried if we do have children, will they regret it in the future? And I’m also worried that their sex drive is going to diminish   even further after fully transitioning..  I’m not really sure what the answer is and what is the best choice to make in this situation… last thing we left on a couple of hours ago is that we’re going to try. I’m so scared.. 

So my girlfriend is MTF. She's very early into her transition and has to hide herself everywhere besides my house basically. To presence this we are both teens so I live at my parents' house, obvious reasons. So to the problem; my girlfriend struggles to remember to put a shirt on when she's walking around the house. I tell her in teasing way that if shes a girl, she has to put on a shirt. She doesn't ever take it seriously and her not having a shirt on makes my parents very uncomfortable because they have to perceive her as a girl and yk having her boobs out and about is a bit weird yk? I've told her about the problem seriously today and I hope she takes it seriously..

Hello. I (F/NB) have been dating my partner (MTF) for almost two years. We’re very connected, always have been, and it’s both of our first serious relationships as we are young adults. We’ve talked plenty about a future together and the ways that could look, something that I’m still into even as I am typing this.

A month ago she came out to me and has found the most comfort in being very feminine in presentation and mannerisms. My sexuality is queer, I’ve always been kind of fluid but have always liked women while my preference for men and has actually gotten stronger as i’ve grown older. This will be my first adult relationship with a woman or just anyone feminine presenting.

For being queer, I don’t understand fully why I am confused or even grieving a little bit right now. She’s told me how she wants to present and what gender affirming care may look like, but some bits like surgery being an unsure thing. There’s a bit on my mind about this subject of change, but I guess the one thing I want to get off of my chest right now is that I feel kind of confused and am selfishly missing small physical aspects of her pre-transition. I miss her old name a little, even if it was never truly hers.

I’m so happy she’s found her sparkle and is going to grow into someone that she can stare back at the mirror at and smile at with genuineness. She’s such a lovely being, and I worry about the future along with the now.

​

Idk how to start this, but I am I think they call cis woman sorry if I got it wrong kind of new to all of this.

I have before only dated women and then I started dating men and now it's the first time dating a Trans man. I must say I have never experience anything like it, it's amazing in so many different levels but I have noticed some hard things that he goes thru and I want to support him but I feel so lost.

When he is on the last week of taking testo he is more irratable and sensitive not in a bad way just that I can see that he is struggling, and sometimes he barks at me (not littraly).. And I try to stay patiant but idk I'd there is anything I can do for him? Maybe you guys have some advice? Just so I can make it easier for him?

And also I have a very high sex drive and usually it's no problem for us sex is amazing and we are exploring some new things at the moment, but then again his sex drive on the last weeks on testo is less, I understand it can be normal and I don't wanna push him but I am also a little scared in those moments that he lost attraction twords me it's not only sex part it's also beeing close.. Idk is that normal?

Also another thing but this is more on me is that normal to loose attraction completely to cis men after? 😅

Sorry if I misspell but English isn't my first language, and I hope I didn't offend anyone I just wanted som guidence I guess. I don't want him to feel alone in it and sens it is my first time beeing with a Trans man it is hard to know what to do so I am asking you kind people ❤️

Thank you for taking time to read ❤️

Hi everyone. I (24F) am really struggling. My wife (30 MtF) and I have been together over 7 years, married for 2. She came out to me 6 months after our wedding. To say that I have felt grief, frustration, and heartbreak is an understatement.

However, I’ve also felt joy, hope, and immense pride seeing how she has grown and become more confident. THIS is who she really is, and it is very clear. She has a very beautiful new sense of self and purpose in life. The fact that I have been able to be on this journey alongside her has been such a privilege.

I do not begrudge her this process. She has every right to be who she wants to be and live the life she wants to live. She is pretty much only out to me. We live with my mom, so she is only “she” when we are in private together. My wife does plan on coming out to everyone eventually and getting top surgery, but that’s a ways down the line.

I feel like we are living a double life and it is absolutely exhausting. I completely respect the pace of my wife’s journey and definitely do not want to rush it, but this process has been almost suffocating for me. There is so much secrecy, even in my own home. I have to constantly pretend that I am in a heteronormative marriage. I’m really not okay and I can’t tell anyone why.

It’s taken me a long time to figure out my feelings. Recently, I was finally able to tell my wife how much I am grieving having a husband. I am grieving the life I thought we would have together. It is becoming very clear to me that I am still attracted to men, and that probably needs to still be part of my life somehow for me to be truly happy. She took it well. I felt so bad telling her, but I also felt like she deserved to know.

I have no idea what is coming next for us. Thankfully we are starting up couple’s counseling again hopefully soon. I love her more than words could ever say. I just don’t know how this is all going to pan out and I am very very scared.

Thank you for reading.

Summary: I'm 21M in a gay T4T relationship with my 20M boyfriend of 1.5 years, and I'm considering breaking up because his insecurity leaves me feeling suffocated and less attracted to him. I feel guilty about leaving because I'm afraid of hurting him, even though staying makes me unhappy.

I'm 21M and my boyfriend is 20M and have been together for about 1.5 years. Lately, I've been seriously questioning whether I want to stay in this relationship.

Since the very beginning, he's frequently asked me if everything is okay between us and whether I'd tell him if something was wrong. I understand that he has insecurities and is afraid of losing me, but after 1.5 years, the constant need for reassurance has become exhausting. I feel guilty if I don't bring up an issue, but when he asks if everything is okay, I also feel like an asshole if I suddenly tell him that something is wrong.

About three months ago, I had a health problem related to my transition (Trans ftm). I needed support, but he became so stressed about the situation that I ended up comforting him instead of him being there for me. Around the same time, I lost my sex drive. He's known that I've struggled with this in previous relationships, but when I told him, he said his worst nightmare would be being in a relationship without sex. That was a breaking point for me because I felt like I couldn't just struggle with my health without also worrying about meeting his needs.

Since then, I've felt increasingly suffocated and have noticed that my attraction to him and my admiration for him have decreased. I feel like I can't fully rely on him emotionally, and I often feel responsible for managing his insecurity. I do care about him, but I don't know if I want to continue the relationship anymore.

When I imagine staying, I feel sadness but also dread and exhaustion. When I imagine being single, I feel relief. However, I'm terrified of breaking up with him because I know how afraid he is of losing me, and I'm scared that his reaction will make me feel so guilty that I'll end up staying even though I don't want to.

Hey everyone so I'd love to hear from people about timings, name change etc. Particularly interested in xp with British gov admin logistics fun.

My idea is to wait until my partner is ready to be out to our close circles, then propose to her and we can tell everyone that we're engaged (yay!).

For info: together 5+ years, gf out to me for a few months, we're still undecided about which last name to use: hers, mine, or a new one.

- about names changes and getting married: she will change her paperwork at some point (first name), so what's the timeline like? Change first name them get married then change last name? Or get married then change last then wait to be allowed by UK gov to change first name?

- we don't have children, how important is it to have the same surname administratively, and how does it compare to the inconvenience of changing it?

- as a trans person in the UK is it better to keep your last name or change both first and last? (admin, legal protection etc)

- isn't it annoying to think about all of this, when I just want is to marry my girlfriend and have our correct info on our wedding certificate and not be bamboozled by the state lol.

Cheers everyone :)

So here’s the post https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/s/AlbbPOk9vf

Anyway we were hanging out the other day, I had ask her to check out another post that I had made and get some feedback about it. Turns out she did that and more. She read my post about me presenting fem, my thoughts as a cis male on my being drawn to panties, namely thongs, skirts, and nail polish.

I didn’t panic. We’ve always been open and accepting with each other. We’ve accepted things about each other that the other person was SURE was gonna run the other person off. But I did hold my breath. She was incredibly supportive. She said we can investigate it together, all three things.

Before when I wrote the other post, I was thinking individually not as a couple… I have trauma. Let’s just say I had one healthy relationship in 2001 (we are still besties to this day) and the most recent two relationships have been healthy, current GF included. Everyone between that was crazy abusive. So I have to remind myself that I have a wonderful supportive loving girlfriend who I have in my corner. Anyway, I was thinking facing it alone and it was scary, but facing it with her, it’s not scary. I feel calm. I can imagine what it would feel like to wear a skirt or panties and not freak out about it.

As of right now I still feel Cis Male, and honestly I don’t think that’ll change, just potential change to my wardrobe.

P.S. we’ve also talked about getting my ears pierced once we get the burnable cash, something I’ve always wanted to do. Definitely something dangly. I like dangly.

Anyway. That’s my newest update.

I'm a cis woman who has been in a lightweight relationship with a guy for more than a year. We don't live together and don't plan to, we only occasionally spend time together, basically it's just fun and games. At the same time, we have both been very kind and supportive to each other whenever necessary.

I'm bi and kinky, so when I discovered that my BF was into occasional crossdressing, I was supportive and GGG. Well. It seems like when he felt that support, which he hasn't felt before in his life, the floodgates opened. I was the first to ask if he might be trans, and he said no, he would have loved to be a woman but he is what he is and that won't change. Fast forward a couple of months, he's researching hormones. Still no pronouns change, no new name. Exploring clothes, makeup, hair removal, a bunch of things I actually don't navigate so well myself.

I am still supportive of whatever they decide they are, but I feel like it's killing my desire. Every other conversation is about this topic. It doesn't help that he doesn't have that many friends and even fewer he can talk to about this. It's way more than I signed up for when I got into this relationship. I was myself coming out of a very long and serious previous relationship where I had to lend huge amounts of emotional and organizational support for my ex who suffered from severe depression, so I was overjoyed to be in a not-so-serious one that was meeting my needs for companionship without making huge demands on me. But now I'm like my BF's whole support network. And I feel like I could be one or the other, GF or a supportive friend, but both is too much for me. But I don't know how to discuss this with my BF without breaking their heart.

Sorry about the pronoun mix, the person in question is still referring to themselves as a he, but obviously we wouldn't be where we are if things were so simple.

My boyfriend (19ftM) is pre T and would like to start but in our country the progress to get T prescribed takes 2+ years. He just said he is prograstinating starting the progress and i asked why. He said that its gonna take so long that after starting the best years of his life will be in the past so there is no point. Im sorry but that is the stupidest thing i have heard him say in a while. So at 22 your life is over?

If you have started t at 20 or older, please tell if it made your life better and if it was worth it.

I'm (20 AFAB genderfluid) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (20 MtF) for almost 2 years now. For some context, I call myself a lesbian because I'm purely attracted to non men. Before we started dating, she was still identifying as more masculine/androgynous (not a man though). We had started dating while she still identified this way, and it wasn't until a few months later that she fully came out as a trans woman.

As for previous relationships, I was with someone who very recently came out and was at the start of her transition. The person I was with before that was gender non-conforming for our relationship, but now also identifies as a woman.

Because of this, a lot of people call me a chaser, and it's leaving me worried. I've had many conversations with my current girlfriend and from her perspective, she doesn't see it that way.

The fact I've been with those people aren't connected whatsoever, and it's purely a coincidence that they all happen to identify as transfem now. It's never been about sex or anything like that, these are people I've just happened to connect with deeply. I've been proud of their identities and helped whenever I could.

It's getting frustrating when people say I'm a chaser JUST because I'm in a relationship with a trans woman. I'm starting to worry something might be wrong with me. People also question my sexuality since I've really only been with trans people (trans women are women, I'm a lesbian regardless of whatever TERFS say, blah blah blah).

Any advice or input would be amazing. ( •⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

My (19f) girlfriend (20mtf) is the sweetest person i've ever met. we started dating right before she went on HRT over 2 years ago. She's been transitioning and living as a woman ever since, she's gorgeous and recently she seems to pass pretty well.

she's started to SLOWLY become more comfortable using the women's bathroom at school (we're in college) when there isn't an easy alternative. It has been a huge step for her, considering we don't have gender neutral bathrooms in our dorm building and she obviously doesn't feel comfortable walking into the men's room with D cups boobs...
I even usually walk with her to make sure nobody walks in on her when she has to shower, because she feels extremely vulnerable doing so.

Anyways, today she took a normal piss in the women's room during class, and once she got back to class some girl followed her out of the bathroom, took a picture of her on her phone, and laughed, all in plain sight like she didn't even care.

She's understandably very upset and feels super self conscious now. She has been feeling dysphoric recently and this absolutely won't help. I'm not really sure what to do or say to her to help her feel better. I'm just really angry thinking about how trans women like her are the ones seen as predatory or invasive as if it isn't cis people harassing, following, photographing them...

She's not a threat to women, she's not something to fucking point and laugh at. She's a normal person trying to mind her own business and I'm so angry for her.

Hey all!

My (f19) partner (m19) of two years has come out as trans! They still go by he/they so I will be using them in this post. Anywho, he has been struggling with his identity for some time now and finally has come to the conclusion that he wants to transition which im very supportive of. He also wants to start taking hrt and start dressing more feminine, the usual things.

I love this for him but im having some conflicting thoughts about this whole thing and would really like some advice and encouragement.

The masculine version of himself is all i know and my preference in a partner, whether its male or female, is masculine. So for starters, Im scared I might lose attraction for his physical aspects. I would never having wandering eyes but what if I do at some point? I dont know. We also struggle with intimacy because we have very differing libidos, I have a higher one wheras he has a lower one. I know hrt is going to affect his but its really a mystery of if its going to lower it or highten it. So I’m scared about this as its already kind of a thing were going through rn. I feel anxious making future plans like moving out or potentially vacation plans because I don’t know what our future is going to look like.

I love him dearly and I never want to leave him just because of something so trivial, but the thought of it is killing me. Whenever Im at work and something reminds me of him or us, I just want to cry, and most of the times I do despite being in public lol. I’m going to miss all his masculine features and I dont feel like Im ready to let them go. His physical attributes are what made me attracted in the first place but his personality is what made me stay.Thankfully, Im very fortunate to have a understanding partner who wants me to communicate all my thoughts about his transition so that we can work through it.

I would really like to hear success stories and some advice from you all as my overthinking and inability to accept change is kind of ruining it for both of us. Although, its a little comforting knowing theres a community here that I can talk to about this stuff :>

What do I need to prepare for with her starting estrogen and spironolactone?

Okay, so now I'm navigating co-parenting and existing with my ex-spouse as she starts HRT (MTF). She isn't planning to move out because she isn't financially stable and her family isn't safe (transphobic). I'm upset about our breakup, but I would never purposely put her in a bad position so I'm not kicking her out no matter how upset I am.

For those who didn't see my last post, I am supportive of her transitioning. She dumped me after I expressed upset at her for taking my clothing and the conversation progressively devolving into why our relationship sucked. We have 4 kids. The oldest is extremely disabled. The youngest is 8 months old.

Basically, I just want to know what I need to be prepared for emotionally. She went to the appointment alone and is starting medication tomorrow, so I didn't get much information.

Please be gentle, I am mentally exhausted and I am trying my best.

Not in a joking way but in a serious manner. I’m pretty sure there’s not much to say but if you have experienced grieving the body you werent born in, i would love to hear what u would want to hear in that moment

- cis woman dating a trans man for the first time

I (cisF) have dated my ftm boyfriend for almost two years now. I love him to pieces and he truly is my better half, but damn sometimes its hard and i dont have anyone to talk about this with.

My few closest friends know he is trans and some have said uncomfortable things about him. Im also always afraid others might clock him because i cant know how they would react. I have previously thought someone would be very accepting, only to find out they think im in a lesbian relationship.

The sex is different. I have never seen him naked. He doesnt want me to. He doesnt want me to touch him down there either. Sometimes i just want to see him feel good physically, but i know its not that simple for him. The sex is good, but always being on the receiving end sometimes makes me feel distant to him.

Then there are the days he is feeling dysphoric and there is close to nothing i can do to help. It breaks my heart, he truly deserves the world.

The thing i feel the most guilty about is that sometimes it feels hard to find him physically attractive. He is pre everything but passes most of the time. I am straight and it feels hard to be attracted to his physical traits that are on the feminine side. I have never admitted this to anyone.

If ur gonna say something please be kind :( sorry for the rambling and bad english, im super tired

Hola a todos, uso una cuenta desechable por motivos de privacidad.

Llevo cuatro años con mi novia (23F). Ella es una mujer trans y yo soy un hombre cisgénero bisexual (26M). Nos amamos profundamente, tenemos una relación increíblemente sólida y ya estamos planeando casarnos por lo civil y tener hijos. Somos genuinamente felices juntos.

En mis relaciones anteriores (tanto con hombres como con mujeres), siempre he sido estrictamente activo. Nunca antes había sentido el deseo ni la curiosidad de ser pasivo. Sin embargo, últimamente, he desarrollado una fantasía recurrente: quiero que ella me penetre. Esto no es algo que piense con nadie más; es un deseo exclusivo para ella. Siento que surge de querer entregarme por completo a ella, experimentar una vulnerabilidad total y ponerme en sus manos porque confío en ella más que en nadie.

Mi dilema —y lo que me tiene completamente paralizado— es cómo decírselo. Tengo dos miedos principales:

1. Me aterra que esto pueda desencadenar disforia de género o hacerla sentir incómoda con su cuerpo. Sé que las mujeres trans tienen una relación compleja con su anatomía, y lo último que quiero es lastimarla o hacerla sentir disforia. (Por supuesto, estoy más que dispuesto a usar un arnés si prefiere no usar su cuerpo, pero no sé cómo expresarlo).
2. Me asusta que pueda cambiar la forma en que me percibe como hombre, o que un posible rechazo pueda crear una barrera de incomodidad o silencio entre nosotros en el futuro.

Quiero ser completamente honesto con ella porque estamos construyendo una vida juntos y nos vamos a casar, pero me aterra arruinar lo hermoso que tenemos.

¿Alguien ha estado en una situación similar? ¿Cómo abordaste la conversación? Si eres una mujer trans, ¿cómo te sentirías si tu pareja te hablara abiertamente sobre esto? Agradecería mucho tus consejos, reflexiones y experiencias. Muchas gracias de antemano.

EDIT: Thank you all so much! (Update)

I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply, share their personal experiences, and give me such thoughtful advice. Reading perspectives from both trans women and partners who have been in similar situations completely opened my eyes and helped me understand the emotional and psychological complexities of this topic much better.

After reading and reflecting on all your comments, I have made a final decision. I realize that her well-being, her mental health, and her peace of mind are my absolute top priorities—far above any temporary fantasy. She has never expressed a desire to top in the past, and knowing that a sudden shift could risk triggering dysphoria is enough for me to happily keep things as they are. I love her deeply, we have a beautiful 4-year foundation, and I feel completely at peace and happy choosing her comfort over everything else.

Thank you all again for being such a safe, respectful, and supportive community. You truly helped a lot!