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I suggested couples counseling but I worry this is just something I have to learn to accept, or accept it could be a deal breaker. Below is how our day went today. But it's like this all the time, with so many tasks. I thought it was cute and funny at first. Oh, he's so frazzled, he just needs a little help! But now it's gotten to the point where I feel like it's affecting trust. I feel like I cannot trust him or comfortably offload tasks to him. I think that's a crucial disconnect in a relationship and I'm stressed...

Today, we're getting home from work where we got $400 from coworkers for a wedding gift (important for next paragraph). I had our lunches with me in a plastic bag. He offers to carry it, so I hand it to him. He doesn't grab it by the loops or in a secure way - he just grabs the part closest to him which is a single strap of the plastic bag. I know if I let go, it'll fall, and he has cloth seats so I really don't wanna clean that up. I hold on and ask him to grab both straps. He does so. This happens EVERY TIME he grabs a plastic bag. It's become routine. I can't stand it. I go to ask him why and he interrupted me and said "I know I know I grabbed it wrong I realized." No... You didn't realize... I had to tell you to grab it right.

I tell myself, it's small. It's just a bag. Move on. He gets out of the car. He starts mumbling to himself. I close my door but it doesn't close all the way. I realize it's locked. I say hey, unlock the door, I didn't close it hard enough. He says one second. He's saying things I can't hear. I say what?. No response. I slam my door with my hip and say "it's all good I closed the door". He says "I locked the keys in the car what do I do?". Like c'mon... You seriously couldn't have told me that when I had the door partially open!?!? He had to pay $375 for a locksmith. There goes the wedding money from coworkers.

We finally get inside. But our dog is out of his crate and has eaten the half eaten breakfast my fiance left out on the table. For context, he does the AM dog chores and I do the PM ones. I don't blame my fiance for leaving the crate door open, we have started taking our dog to day care in the AM so he may have just fallen out of the routine. But the food on the table and the combination of it all was frustrating.

I walk the dog to decompress. I come back, feed him (and us) dinner, and the dog starts having some acid reflux. I ask my fiance to give the dog his meds. He opens the container and spills all the pills onto the floor. Then realizes the floor is wet from ice cubes that fell out of the freezer. So the pills are a total loss and we'll have to get a refill. It's only $20 but it's still frustrating. Again compounded with everything else.

We start working on a wedding DIY. He wants to print out our wedding crossword on this nice paper he bought (with his new cricut machine, he's a crafting fan). He prints all 32 copies in one go. But the printer settings were wrong, so they're all misaligned and blurry. Well he ruined so much paper that he doesn't have enough left to re do it, and has to get regular cardstock from staples. More wasted money.

I just don't know what to do. I've never had someone mess up this much. I never thought it would matter. What do I do?

Edit: we're not having kids fyi

I was trying to log out of my email on her iPad, and I accidentally opened the google tabs section. I saw "Man kissing, girl butt" as an open tab and "Man touching girl boobs". I know these are her because it is obvious that it was told using the voice to text thing since she's a bit dyslexic, and after a lot of interrogation she also admitted to searching it up. I don't know what to do. I know it is canon, as even I have had a terrible porn addiction (which started like this and went much worse) and I don't want her to experience that because the guilt and disgust I felt was unfathomable. I don't know if I should tell my parents about it, and I don't know whether I should impose restrictions on her iPad. Can somebody please help me out? I don't want her to end up having an addiction that could ruin her childhood the way it did mine.

Hi everyone, I’m a massive overthinker and I really need some outside perspective and advice on a situation at my church.

I (27F) have been praying for a husband, but I recently ran into a really uncomfortable situation. There is a guy at my church who is in an LPN nursing program, similar to what I did. Out of courtesy and being a supportive church member, I offered to help him with his study materials. I barely know this man outside of this.

Almost immediately, he took my kindness as an opening. He started sending me texts talking about wanting to date me, marry me, and have children with me. He was even making comments like "it's time for you to have children." So I blocked him and he thinks I changed my number. ​Because we barely know each other and this made me deeply uncomfortable, I told him "no" explicitly on multiple occasions over text. He completely ignored my boundary and kept pushing.

Yesterday at church, he approached me and tried to get me to go with him to his car and drive somewhere. When I refused, he got upset and said why are you acting like this, and started talking about how he "loves" me. I stood my ground and told him a firm NO directly to his face and left. I've talked to the church leader(s) about this and they dont want to get involved.

Has anyone dealt with someone skipping all relationship stages and fixating on marriage/kids like this? This to me is insane. How did you handle it?

My mom died when I was 7. She left me a large inheritance that she inherited from her grandmother who died a few weeks before I was born. My grandparents are the people who protect my inheritance even though my mom and dad were married and my dad expected he would be the one to take care of everything. He was hurt and my mom left him a letter explaining why she chose that and it hurt him even more. I don't know what the letter said though.

I was 10 when my dad remarried and I was 11 and 12 when my two half siblings were born. One of my half siblings has a lot of medical stuff. They have to be fed through a tube because their stomach is paralyzed and they have issues with other organs. Their "food" is expensive as hell and my dad and their mom have struggled to afford that because insurance does not cover it. They also have other medical expenses and they get a lot of help there because of Medicaid but it's been hard. Since March they have struggled to come up with a way to pay for the food each week. My dad knows how much I inherited from mom and he wanted to use the money to help pay for at least a while of the food so that they could figure stuff out. I'd never get the money back. But even still I freaked when he mentioned it and I told him no way. He got mad and yelled that I am talking about my half sibling's life here and how they need this food and everything won't be so good if I keep it all.

My grandparents refused to let him access the inheritance because it wasn't being spent on saving my life. He asked attorneys all over our state if he could fight it and he can't. He raged at mom while reading the letter she wrote to him when she made her decision and he raged at me for being unwilling. Then his wife tried to guilt me into it by going into detail about all the medical stuff. She tried to say my mom would want me to do it and I told her my mom would only want it to be used for me which she didn't like to hear.

Things got really intense over the summer and my dad agreed I should move in with my grandparents because the daily fights were bad and my half siblings were hearing everything we were saying. He also said he couldn't stand to look at me when I could do something so good for everyone and I refuse to because I want to be selfish like my mom was.

The last time we talked was last week and he broke down over the phone about everything. He told me how disappointed he was in me and how he didn't understand my refusal to do this when I have so much money to offer. He said even half would be a huge help for a few months.

It left me wondering if I should even though I don't want to.

My dad quit drinking 8 months ago and is really proud of it. His go-to now is a non-alcoholic lager he drinks every night with dinner. I was grabbing a six-pack for him and, out of boredom, read the fine print on the back: it’s labeled “non-alcoholic” but contains up to 0.5% ABV. It’s a tiny amount, but he’s very strict about this and I know he thinks it’s completely alcohol-free. Should I tell him? Or let him keep enjoying something that’s become part of his routine? I don’t want to ruin something that’s been working for him, but it feels weird to know and say nothing. What should I do??

I (23M) have known my best friend (23M) since we were little kids. He literally lives two houses down from me, we grew up together doing pretty much everything. I consider him as close to me as a brother as I will ever get.

He’s been dating his fiancée (23F) since high school, and they had a daughter about four years ago.

Over this time, I’ve hung out with my friend regularly, and occasionally, we’d all hang out together with his fiancée and their daughter. It was completely normal, we’re just friends hanging out.

However, yesterday, completely out of nowhere, my buddy asked me if I’d be comfortable making
out with his fiancée and potentially doing more.

He specified that nothing below the waist would be involved on her.

I need to explain how much this caught me off guard. There have never been any hints of attraction toward me from his fiancée, or them being polygamous, so this came as a complete surprise.

I also got the impression that my friend might not be entirely comfortable with the idea himself. After he told me he was acting unusually positive and overenthusiastic while we talked over playing pc that night. He assured me though he’s down to try it and if it doesn’t work, we can still be all cool afterwards

Personally, I am down, I do find her physically attractive, I just worry greatly for my friendship with my bro. I feel like my relationship will be made a bit weird no matter what I choose.

I don’t know what to make of the whole situation. I desperately need advice.

This morning at 4:30 am my girlfriend sent me this message:

Ehy my love, i have to do this message because I have respect for both of us and I truly love you from the bottom of my heart. Im arguing so much with my parents and they are forcing me to delete tiktok and whatsapp. I love you with all of my heart and I hope that fate will find a way for us because I really think you are my soulmate and my person, all my feelings are true and my person is true too. I couldn't have wished better as a husband and I hope you can find a way to reach me, I know you will, you know everything from me I hope onenday we can fix all of this. I love you, yours forever and after death.

I wanna know is this break up, should I be patient and wait for her or should I forget about her. I really love her and I care about her, I feel really deep connection and this breaks my heart. This message was all of a sudden, we didn't argue or anything, at 11 pm we sent good night messages and went to sleep and at 4:30 am I get this message.

If someone understand this better than me please help me. Idk what to do.

I’m not going to give specific details on my job because they’re not relevant, but tomorrow I have an appointment with someone who smells absolutely horrible. I am not trying to be mean or judgmental, they seem like a kind person.

But it’s not just like some armpit/sweat/etc. Like something is WRONG and it filled up every room they were in last time they were in our place of business and it lingered too. I had to quickly excuse myself from one room so as to not gag after a couple of minutes. We used multiple cans of cleaning product afterward.

Tomorrow, our meeting will be in a much smaller room than last time. It may take up to two hours. I’m genuinely concerned on what I can do to handle it.

Any ideas on what I can do to mitigate the smell or steel my resolve?

My daughter (9) has giggle incontinence and needs to go to physical therapy. She’ll miss a bit of school for these appointments once a week, and she is nervous friends will ask why she isn’t in school. What would be a reasonable white lie she can use that wouldn’t be embarrassing, and wouldn’t get further questions?

I live with my mom. I’d spent a night away from home, and came back on the evening before my birthday.

My mom kept telling me how I have to take cakes into work , I have to do it and it’s rude not to. She said let me take you the shop to get something you can take in. She was being so pushy and I felt I had no option at the time.

I went in and put them on the desk for everyone to grab. Of course I received a lot of attention, coworkers even bought me a gift. But I hated the attention and I didn’t want the gifts. They kept asking me about what I’ll be doing etc, in truth I’ll be sat at home relaxing.

My mom can be very overbearing and in the past I’ve been working on making my own choices. But this morning she was being so pushy when I didn’t want the attention.

I guess next time I need to use my mind more to make my own decisions right?

For context, I'm 18f, he is 16m.

I was hired as a private tutor to teach him Math. He was my first tutoring job, and I didn't want him to be scared of me, so I came off as friendly and approachable, and treated him more of a peer.

He asked for my instagram to ask questions outside of tutoring times, and I agreed. Although he does send me questions that he is unsure of, he often likes my posts and stories, or sometimes messages me about random things in his life.

Recently, whenever I go for his lessons, he would say things like "You're looking cute again today," or some other similar compliment, which I usually try to brush off. His volume of messages about random things, or asking about my day has also been increasing. I've tried being dry or answering with short answers, but that doesn't deter him.

What do I do? His parents hired me, but they are very protective of him, and I need the job and money so I can't complain to them. I'm afraid confronting him may also lead to him asking his parents to fire me.

He also hasn't done anything wrong, or extreme, so I don't want to overreact.

Thank you!

Edit: Thanks for the comments!

To add on, no, I do NOT have the slightest bit of interest in him, and have no plans to pursue any deeper relationship or friendship with him. I just don't want him to continue flirting with me.

We were together for 8 years. 2 years dating/engaged and 6 years married. Now I am separated, and I’ll soon be starting the divorce process. It was a difficult decision, but a necessary one!! I was deeply disrespected in my marriage, and I reached a point where my emotional health completely collapsed. I identified (with the help of therapy and the support of my family) that my husband's dynamics fit perfectly into a pattern of vulnerable narcissism. That soft, seductive kind of manipulation that makes you question your own sanity and lures you back in through "affection" and good memories from the beginning.

Well… Today he made a gesture that was equal parts romantic and desperation. He took advantage of the holiday in the city where we used to live, drove hundreds of kilometers by surprise to our hometown where our families live, and texted me asking me out to dinner. It was actually a creative message. He sent me a picture of a little invitation card he drew, bringing back inside jokes, things from back when we were dating... clearly trying to bypass my decision to get a divorce and win me over.

But I know exactly what this is. The classic "siren song." If I give in, it’s only a matter of time before the cycle starts all over again. A cycle that involves betrayal, lies, hiding things, gaslighting and manipulation. And keep in mind, I realized this was the dynamic of my relationship (and who he truly was) less than a month ago. It was honestly terrifying to realize who he really was. Anyway… about dinner with him, I know I can't and shouldn't give in! My parents warned me, my rational mind knows it. I’ve already made up my mind and taken my steps.

But, fuck... it HURTS so much!!
It hurts because he is my husband, also because everything is so fresh. I’m in a new apartment, rebuilding my life from scratch, alone, afraid of the future, and crushing under the overwhelming longing for the "good part" of him. Saying no to him and sending a cold message declining doesn't bring me any peace; just thinking about it gives me a tearing sensation in my chest and a bizarre feeling of grief and loneliness. At times, I even wonder if I’m judging things wrong, if maybe there wasn't a chance for everything to change… But deep down, I know it’s just the desperation of wanting to stop the pain all at once.

I just really needed to vent. For anyone who has gone through this… man, how did you deal with this absolute shit of a pain, having to choose yourself when all your heart wanted was to run into that person's arms? How do you survive the grief of these first few days?
Thank you to anyone who reads this.

I’ve been driving myself crazy thinking about my gay best friend, and I really need some advice. Please don’t judge me.
I’m 29F, and my gay best friend is 25M. He’s also a bottom. Let’s call him Sam. We’ve been close friends for almost four years. He’s very attractive but also feminine, so I’ve always seen him more like one of my girlfriends.
We’ve always been super close and talked openly about everything, including our sex lives. As far as I know, he’s never been with a woman or topped anyone before.
Over the past year, we became even closer after I broke up with my ex. Sam knows pretty much everything about my life.
A few months ago, we got really drunk and ended up making out in the bathroom. I was shocked, but it felt REALLY good. Since then, whenever we drink together, we end up making out, sometimes even in front of our friends.
Last month, we finally had sex. It was his first time topping someone, and honestly, the chemistry was amazing. We’ve had sex a few more times since then, and now I can’t stop thinking about him.
We’ve talked a little about whether this would change our friendship, and he keeps saying it won’t. But for me, everything feels different now.
I don’t even feel like dating other guys anymore because he’s constantly on my mind. Last weekend, while I was at a music festival, I texted him something flirty about thinking of him inside me. He said he felt the same and that it was the best thing his D ever felt.
The problem is that I’m starting to get emotionally attached. We used to text every day and share everything, but now I get upset when he doesn’t respond. I can’t tell if he’s purposely distancing himself or if I’m just overthinking everything.
I know he doesn’t date very often, and I’m not trying to change his sexuality. I completely respect that he’s gay. I also know his family, and our friendship means so much to me. Losing him would honestly break my heart.
But I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually falling in love with him.
I’m also scared because we haven’t been using protection, and I’ve already had to take Plan B after one of the times we had sex.
I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him how I really feel, take some distance, or just try to go back to being friends?
Has anyone ever experienced something similar with a gay best friend? Is it possible for him to have feelings
for me, or am I setting myself up to get hurt?

Hi guys, i am in a bit of dilemma because i recently started having some sexual and seemingly real dreams about a guy who i am no longer friends with and i am looking for any advise explaining this phenomenon or suggestions in general

For context, this friend (lets call him V- 22M) and I (20F) met in middle school and that time he was dating my friend. Years later, we moved to different countries for studies and we lost in person contact 6 years ago, and then any online contact a few months ago

Ever since my birthday a few days back, i have started having intense dreams about V and it is getting out of hand. These dreams are continuous, consist of a lot of graphic and an actual storyline where either we meet at weddings, parties or he’s the agent helping me with said agenda in my dream

The crazy thing is, i have a boyfriend( 21M) where i live and he does not know about these dreams, let alone like the guy to begin with.

2 days ago, V reached out to me asking me if i have had any dreams recently and i straight up lied to him because i did not feel comfortable enough and i did not want to tell him something like this. He told me he does not want to overstep my relationship but he’s been having some dreams he thinks i should know about.

When i tell you my heart dropped; it was the craziest thing i had read in my entire life. I pretended i did not know what he was talking about and so he went on with describing the dream after i consented, and it turns out he’s had 80% of the same dream as me with just background and storyline changes. The end result is a sexual dream for both of us.

Even though i have not yet told him about me having the same dreams as him, i feel scared because when these dreams take over me in sleep, i lose the fine line between my reality and this dream and it makes me question whether V is my boyfriend and my reality.

I then wake up and realise my boyfriend next to me, and it showers me with guilt to have these dreams with another guy.

I need some help figuring out these dreams, but most of all
i need to know if there is any scientific backing with this concept. And whether i should tell V or my boyfriend about this. Please answer me with detailed responses as i could really use some help!

english is not my second language so excuse my vocabulary or any mistakes i may have made

Me (19F) and my partner (18F) have been together for around a year and a half, maybe a little longer. She is genuinely one of the most loving and caring people in the world. She’s amazing when it comes to supporting me through my anxiety, depression and emotions, and I honestly couldn’t ask for someone more understanding.

However, for some reason, every few weeks I get this intense gut feeling that I need to break up with her. It turns into this horrible cycle of anxiety and guilt that I experience for a few hours every day for around three days before it eventually passes. I’ve spoken to her about these feelings multiple times, and we always end up deciding to stay together. What’s really confusing is that after I’ve almost broken up with her and we decide to work things out, I suddenly feel giddy, happy and amazing again. It’s such a strange emotional switch, and I don’t understand why it happens.

My girlfriend thinks I might have BPD because my emotions fluctuate so much, and I can be extremely emotionally impulsive. I’m not diagnosed, though, so I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

When I try to understand why I feel the need to break up, I think a lot of it comes down to being young and wanting to experience other people and explore different things before settling down. I love my girlfriend, but I also feel like I’m missing out on experiences I might want to have at this age. She isn’t comfortable with an open relationship, which I completely understand and respect, so that isn’t something I’m expecting her to agree to.

I guess what I’m really looking for advice on is whether anyone else has experienced this kind of recurring urge to break up with someone they genuinely love, especially when the feeling comes with so much anxiety and guilt. Why does it keep happening, and is there a way to manage these feelings without ending the relationship?

I don’t want to keep putting either of us through this cycle, but I also don’t want to make a decision I might regret when these feelings eventually pass. Has anyone been through something similar, and if so, how did you work through it?

I’m having an issue with someone who bought jewelry from me through Facebook, and I need some advice.

Two (very small) pieces of jewelry were purchased on 10/4 and shipped on 10/6. They were shipped in the same package, wrapped in tissue paper. This is the same way I have shipped all of my jewelry since I started selling part of my collection, and I haven’t had an issue.

(I mention the size because I saw somewhere that shipping weights might help prove that I sent both, but the pieces are so small that I think it might be immaterial to go off of weight.)

The jewelry pieces were marked as delivered through USPS on 10/8.

Yesterday (10/14) I got a message through Facebook from the person who bought them, saying that one of the two pieces was missing from the package. They claimed to have waited to reach out because they thought another package might be on the way (they paid for shipping once). I said that I could open an investigation through USPS, but they might need the packaging to rule out tampering. They said the packaging was thrown away as soon as they got the jewelry.

I am now getting multiple messages a day regarding this issue. Any idea how I should handle it?

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. Things were great but I can’t get over his terrible breath. I’m being half funny & half serious here but his breath smells like absolute diarrhea. Every time he breathes in my face I want to puke. I kept it on the low but would gently and subtly try to guide him to brush more and floss with me but he’d never do it. I finally got so fed up I told him that his breath smells like shit! He understandably got upset and was fixated on it for a day then moved on and now doesn’t care. He even said he’d look for a dentist because he hasn’t been in 5 years. He hasn’t even begun looking for one. I’m not doing it for him he’s a grown man. He’s currently sleeping with his mouth open next to me and breathing heavy. The shit smell is making me want to vomit I can’t sleep in my own bed. Should I dump him? I don’t know how much more I can take and I think I was very up front with him.

I (26F) have been officially dating my boyfriend (24M) since July. We both make good money, but he's very frugal, while I made some poor financial decisions in my early 20s.
Between multiple moves, car troubles, and past relationships where I was taken advantage of financially, I accumulated $25,000 in credit card debt. I recently paid it all off, but now my savings are basically depleted. I do own a home and am building equity, but I'm embarrassed by how little I have saved given my income.
My boyfriend has offered to help me get financially organized but is unaware of the debt I paid off and he's also been judgmental about my past money decisions. I'm afraid that if I tell him everything, he'll think I've been hiding things from him.
My questions:
Should I be honest about my financial past now, or rebuild my savings before discussing it?
Is his judgment justified, or is it a red flag this early in our relationship?
I want to be transparent, but I also don't think I owe someone I've only recently started dating every detail of my finances. What would you do?

I'm so sorry if this comes off as a vent, I'm just trying to describe my situation I promise 💔

Ever since preschool, I was a laughing stock for everyone. That followed me into elementary, then to middle school (where it was arguably the worst so far), and now I'm in highschool, and it hasn't ever stopped. Every time I feel like I establish any connection with another person, it turns out that they were just making fun of me behind my back, or just acting on some weird sense of mercy. I'm genuinely lost on why it is happening, and I think that if there was a singular reason, I'd already realised it by now.

Recently I've been subjected to a ton of those "my friend likes me" "hey did you know that I like you" (romantic I like you, not platonic) jokes. Every day, every time I see that group. I'm on an international school trip with them, so I cannot even just stay at home or anything. The people that I share my room with are friends with them.

Today I lashed out on that group, and there is genuinely nothing that I can say, that can make me be taken seriously. Every comeback was laughed at by a whole fucking crowd. (I'm not even joking, we were standing inside of a crowd and genuinely everyone was fucking laughing. Or at least the most of them). The people I considered friends at that point were just fucking grinning from ear to ear, looking at me as if I'm crazy.

I'm so tired. I genuinely cannot take this shit anymore. It happens constantly. Every day that I'm outside or anywhere at school. What the fuck am I doing wrong. What can I do to fix it. I'm tired please

Me and my boyfriend have been together since January and everything has been good, of course little arguments here and there but thats all couples. He is also a very caring and genuine boyfriend who makes me feel loved, he also has never given me a reason to not trust him. I don’t know much about his past and past relationships though, whenever I do wonder about his past his responses are very vague but I can tell that he’s not trying to hide anything (I usually don’t question him a lot because I don’t want to come off as this crazy obsessed girlfriend) which is upsetting because he knows everything about me and my past (given he’s my brothers best friend.)

So the thing that’s really throwing me off is I just found out he has a spam account on Instagram (he’s never told me about it) and he has recently been active, the last post being from last month(it was a photo dump of pictures from 2023) and his previous posts being from 2025 and below. He only follows 4 people, and 2 of those 4 is the same girl. He’s told me he had an ex in the past but I don’t know anything about her so I’m wondering if it’s her. FYI on his main account he follows majority girls.

The worst part is she liked the recent post. She’s allowed to see his past but im not???? Is it wrong for me to be so upset about this and how should I go about this.

I (F22) am pregnant for the first time. My older brother (F25) has constantly bullied, belittled, and berated me for as long as I can remember. He knows exactly how to hit where it hurts and he does so any chance he gets. I am in therapy now because he has caused me such a distorted sense of self. He only does it to me, we have 3 other siblings. My sister (28F) calls me dramatic over this because she doesn’t hear the things he says to me. She has ALWAYS taken his side and she never sees it. She only hears what he tells her. I don’t know what I do to deserve this. I promise you I am so quiet, I’ve always been a shy person, I stick to myself and mind my own business. I know I am not a bad person and I cannot wrap my head around why this happens to me. We both still live with Mom as she needs support. Today I said “Gosh, my back hurts.” He said “Aw your back hurts :( Keep complaining.” Obviously so hormonal right now I mistakenly smacked him with a soup ladle while I was getting food. I know I messed up, you don’t have to tell me. It was reactive and a mistake. Then he proceeded to call me a “disgusting fat pregnant whore.” I can’t even remember the things he said because he went on for 30+ minutes. All I remember is my mom was screaming crying begging him to shut up. I just sat there and took it because that’s all I’ve learned to do now. My sister comes downstairs laughing at me bawling my eyes out. I ask her if she thinks the way he talks to me is okay. She says nothing. I cannot stand up to him because I am afraid he will hurt me. He told me 6 years ago he has thought about killing me and has a plan. When I tell you I do nothing but mind my own business. He absolutely hates me for no reason. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to get out of here but I’m terrified to leave my mom because he has snapped on her before and she is not as brave as me, though I’m not very brave either. I don’t know why my mom won’t kick him out, she must be scared? I’m so scared for me, my mother, and my future child.

PS: I am not trying to play the victim here. I know I made a mistake and I did apologize. I know I do not deserve this. Your own family should NEVER talk to you this way.

I F(25) and my friend M(25) were in a talking phase 2 years back, and well he got a girlfriend which he didn’t tell me about i got to through other people tho i had my suspicions, we ended things a bit dramatically, we didn’t talk for a year, but seeing we have to spend one year together (maybe) doing our jobs which is starting in 2months i decided to clear the air with him this yr, it was going alright.

Also I had another male friends with whom i have been friends with for more than 8 years, and well i kinda knew he had a crush on me so we decided to try out a relationship, but the thing is i m not at all attracted to him and due which he was giving me girlfriend treatment, but i could only offer him friend treatment so well we ended things in 4 months, we are still friends tho.

But in those four months i realised that I only miss this other guy, and i still do, and I really like talking to him, i see him everyday, his girlfriend is my junior so well i see them everyday, we still talk a bit,not like before of course but it always leaves me in discontentment and i always wish the conversation was a bit longer, he also confessed to me a month back that he too kinda liked me in our talking phase but was confused who he should go with, he chose another girl eventually, but well now i don’t know what i m supposed to do, should i also confess and just get it out of my system? Or should i just go through with this work for a year pretending his relationship doesn’t affect me and we are just a really good friends?

Also when he chose the other person, i felt like maybe if i was a bit more prettier he would have chose me, and kinda questioned my whole existence, it’s not good i know to give someone this much leverage but i can’t control these feelings, and i know we can’t be together in the future even if things work out cause of family, but i don’t know what to do anymore.

Throwaway account

I need to get some outside perspective on a difficult roommate situation. I live in an apartment where the lease does not permit pets. When I moved in, my roommate had one adult cat, which I later learned is an unspayed indoor/outdoor female. Things were generally fine with just one cat, though cleanliness and hygiene had always been somewhat of an issue. However, after I returned from a longish trip a few months ago, I discovered she had given birth to a litter of two kittens in the apartment. Thank goodness I was not around for that debacle; by the time I came home from my trip, our other roommate that had witnessed that mess was long gone. She acknowledged that the landlord is unaware of the additional cats and would not approve of them.

Initially, she agreed to move out quickly after the kittens were born, but she has dragged out the process for over two months and counting. With the holidays coming up, she might not move out for months. In the meantime, the shared living room has been largely repurposed for pet care and storage, obstructing walkways and common areas. She has open litter boxes sitting on pee pads and towels on the hardwood floor, surrounded by cleaning chemical jugs, a waste container, and paper bags. The litter tracks everywhere; on one occasion, I had to vacuum up nearly an entire canister full of stray granules. Multiple obnoxious cat tunnels and toys are scattered across the floor along with literal trash like used packing supplies and plastic bags.

The kitchen conditions have also been a mess. She regularly leaves dishes partially filled with wet cat food on the counter next to the sink for hours, and the odor affected my ability to use the sink. There was even one time she left six dishes of partially eaten spoiled wet cat food in the sink for hours, forcing me to skip dinner that night.

The cats have constant access to the counters and table, and I have observed her feeding them right on the kitchen surfaces. They also use a windowsill planter filled with dirt as a sleeping spot, which she refuses to move, resulting in soil, bark, and dirt scattered across kitchen surfaces, including the top of the microwave and the lid to the trash. Every morning before preparing breakfast, I have to sanitize the kitchen counter because it is stained with wet cat food, and the dining table and chairs frequently have dirt and soil tracked onto them.

Cat food and litter-box odors are noticeable immediately upon entering the apartment. The odor is strongest in the living room and her room whenever she leaves the door even slightly open One time, I even found cat feces sitting directly on a mattress reserved for an incoming roommate and it remained there for days.

This roommate also frequently leaves the kitchen door open for long periods to let her unspayed cat roam while she stays inside her closed bedroom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home for the day or downstairs to the kitchen at night to find the door wide open and not a single person in sight.

She has also interfered with necessary apartment maintenance because she is worried the landlord will discover the cats. She has discouraged submitting maintenance requests, and when a maintenance worker recently came by to install something, she complained to me afterward that it disrupted her schedule for the week (it was literally two days of work a few hours each day) and accused me of moving her stuff, which I didn’t. The stuff that she complained of being moved was directly in the way of the handyman. Who do you think moved it?

We have separate leases. I didn't grow up with cats so I know nothing about them, but after reading up on it, I've discovered that cats are real problems for landlords because they can cause major damage. Now I’m becoming increasingly concerned about long-term damage to the unit and how common area conditions might affect my standing with the landlord.

Why don’t I say something, you ask? Whenever I try, she characterizes my basic requests as burdensome and accuses me of showing her "no grace." In her text messages, she stated she was taking on a "single mother type role" with the kittens and that her "mother energy" was appealing for leeway on apartment rules. She tried to guilt-trip me for keeping my distance, claiming that choosing not to bond with her secret kittens was a "loss of a heck of a life opportunity." Beyond that, she uses pseudo-spiritual language to position herself as a guide, claiming she was triggering "truths" in me with her "healing and sharp truths." In the middle of typing that same message, she even noted hearing me from behind my closed door, writing: (“Just heard you cough, you're definitely going through a deep cleaning”).

After six full weeks of staying completely quiet about the cats, I finally reached out with a painstakingly neutral list of basic housekeeping matters—some of which didn't even involve her. Her response was an immediate, hostile wall of text. She even included explicit threats warning, “If you keep attacking my cats, my mama bear will come out,” added, “If you don't show me the same respect and consideration I've shown you, you'll find yourself losing that respect and consideration for the things that matter to you,” and concluded by telling me to take any further complaints to HR. Despite being the one violating the lease with unauthorized animals, she even had the audacity to suggest that if I didn't like the living conditions, I should be the one to move out. All this because I asked her to sweep up some litter?

I am reaching my breaking point and thinking I need to officially involve the landlord about the unauthorized pets and the apartment conditions, because I am unsure what else to do. What should I do?