The relationship is over and he's moving out.

Original post link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/0cN7Z3gtJm

I had previously posted an update but with some of the personal details involved, I decided to delete it. He had disappeared Friday for 5 days and today I insisted that he come and have a conversation with me. He did not let me know he was leaving, or where he was going, or even that he was okay and when I asked him about it today, he told me that he didn't tell me because before that I was being a bitch to him. That crossed the line for me, and made me realize that this is not a person I want in my life no matter our history. His depression and his personal struggles regarding the reason for his absence do not excuse his actively trying to punish me by making me worry. I told him to coordinate with my mom who also lives on the property to remove his things, I gave him the information to move off of my phone plan, and I told him that I don't want any further contact and blocked him. It seems he's been staying with a friend since he got back and he can stay there indefinitely, it's not my problem anymore.

I wish the update was better but I know I'm making the right decision for myself. Better to protect my peace and be single then put up with even another day of being treated that way.

AITAH for not giving up a shift at work that I worked hard to get and won by meeting the required metrics to bid for? For context, one of my coworkers recently expressed that she felt blind sided that I bid for the morning shift with weekends off instead of telling her what I was bidding for during our quarterly shift bid. She went on to say that because she had kids that I ruined her routine because by her having to come in about 30 minutes later remotely and leaving half an hour later plus work weekends I have ruined her kids routine. I am a single person with no kids, but I have been working weekends since July after the last bid and have worked hard to meet and exceed what is required to get a better shift in my work area.

AITAH My husband and I ( married 40+} recently joined the gym. I joined many different classes, spin, Zumba and weight lifting, my husband opted for some basic free weights and machines. I encouraged him to try spin which he loves. This began a small issue where my husband becomes the center of attention talking to everyone it’s kind of like he takes all of the air out of the room and there’s no air for me. I am more reserved but I also go to work out, I do greet people and may have some light conversation but that’s it. Spin is not the issue. I’m glad he’s enjoying the class. I did also suggest he take a weight strengthening class and he refused for a year and then finally took one with me. He now attends that class and has become friends with everyone. Also for any class he takes with me I set up his equipment because he comes straight from work or is doing something else before coming to class. I make sure I’m in class 15 minutes early so I can get myself set up and have my favorite spot. The problem is now he wants to come to Zumba and my other classes. I hate to be that person but I just feel that I want my own exercise space where I don’t have to think about anyone but myself. So AITAH for not wanting my husband in every class I take?

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for over a year. We’re planning a weekend trip to the university he graduated from because he was invited to an alumni dinner, and I’m going as his guest. It’s about a four-hour drive away. I’ve never gone on a trip with a partner before, so I’ve really been looking forward to it.

I still live with my parents and pay rent. My mom has always been strict about what I can and can’t do, and I’ve usually listened to her. This time, though, I told her I was going rather than asking for permission.

She immediately said, “No, you’re not going.” I told her I was and that I was letting her know my plans. She said I was disrespecting her and her rules while living under her roof. I said that I pay rent and that going away for a weekend isn’t something I’m doing in her house.
We kept going back and forth until I asked what she would do if I went anyway. She stayed quiet. I specifically asked whether I should prepare to come back and be kicked out, but she didn’t answer. She hasn’t actually threatened to kick me out, so that’s a fear I have, not something she explicitly said.

The next day, she called me at work and asked when I was going to take a day off. I’ve been working extra hours to make up for the weekend hours I’ll miss, so I said I’d be off that weekend when I went away with my boyfriend. She said, “I told you you’re not going.” I told her I wasn’t going to argue and that I was still going. She said no again, I said yes, and she hung up.

I’m frustrated because I’m 22, almost 23, and I feel like I’m still being treated as a child. I work, pay rent, graduated from college, and plan to go back to school. She often says she can’t trust me, and it hurts because I’m trying to be responsible.

It’s also embarrassing having to tell people I can’t go on trips or do things with them because my mom won’t let me. I want to make plans based on my own schedule, finances, and responsibilities. She’s had the chance to live her life, and I feel like I’m struggling to start living mine.
I’ve been planning to move out around next summer, but I wasn’t financially prepared to do it this soon. If I did get kicked out, I believe I could stay with my boyfriend temporarily until I found somewhere of my own, but that isn’t how I wanted to make that transition.

I think I might be the asshole because I still live in her home, and I told her outright that I was going regardless of what she said. I understand that there are household rules, but I don’t think living at home should mean she gets to decide whether I can go away for a weekend.

AITA for going on the trip despite my mom telling me I’m not allowed?

my dad has lung cancer. i have had a tumultuous relationship with my parents throughout the years. so i should preface, im particularly guarded about them, although overall our relationship has improved over the years and ive accepted things of my childhood.

one weekend recently i visited them with my daughters. at one point over the weekend i came inside to the living room, and my daughter was standing there, looking at me with tears in her eyes. i asked her what was the matter. she does this thing where when she’s upset or something is bothering her, she shuts down/has a hard time articulating what’s bothering her.

i realized she was upset and asked her again what happened. she wouldn’t talk. so i said “let’s go back here and talk”. took her back to my mom’s room and said “what’s going on honey”? she said my mom ‘hit her with a towel’. me, confused, and just comforting her, i asked if she was just playing. my daughter said no. i asked why, and she shrugged her shoulders, implying she didn’t know. i said “do you want me to talk to her?” and she said yes.

i went out, pointed to my mom, motioned her to come over to me. i said “she said something about hitting her with a towel?” my mom: “what? why would she say that?” she walked past me and went to talk to my daughter. what actually happened was my daughter was watching TV, my mom called her name several times, she didn’t answer, so my mom bopped her head with a cloth, lightly. i asked her to at least clarify that she didn’t intend to startle her, that she wasn’t mad. i think that’s important regardless of whether anything hurt. after all, she’s 4, and she was clearly upset by it.

fast forward: my mom suggested a few days later that she was ‘disgusted’ by my ‘behavior’ and appalled that i would ‘humiliate her’ the way i did. against my better judgement, and for the sake of keeping the peace for my dad, i took ownership for what i could see having come off the wrong way: pointing to her and motioning her to come. i called her and said “mom, i apologize for how that may have come off, it wasn’t my intention. my sole intent was to check on her and make sure she knows daddy is on her team.” mom said she appreciated the apology, we hung up.

later i get another text, saying essentially that just because i apologized doesn’t mean we’re good. that we need to talk, that she’s stunned i would humiliate her. i told her i took initiative, took ownership and apologized for my part, clarified my intentions, and will not apologize for checking on my daughter so there’s nothing more for me to discuss and that if she needs space, she can take it.

well she left me a voicemail today saying i’m a jerk, can’t believe i won’t hear her out, she loves me as a son but doesn’t like me, and i don’t care about my dad.

then dad calls today. ended up being an explosive argument but long story short: my 4 year old daughter is a ‘liar manipulator’. He genuinely believes my daughter lied and manipulated me. When i told him there’s nothing wrong with me checking on her feelings, he said that’s some ‘woke bullshit’. Like he seemed to be genuinely triggered at me for being on my daughter’s team.

ended with my terminally ill father saying my 4 year old is a liar manipulator, i’m a woke piece of shit, he’s gonna die and i can have a nice life.

AITAH? Or am i right to die on this hill? Am i crazy or is that absurd to call a 4 year old a liar manipulator?

My boss got pregnant and made everyone attend her baby shower by hosting it in the middle of the workday in the office. She also sent an email with the baby registry wish list that said you don't have to buy it but "recommends" you buy something.

I dont think it's fair that she makes 6 figures and most of us make the median USA salary of $59,000 so I didn't buy anything for the baby shower.

AITA?

TL;DR: Mother signed me up without consulting me first to work without getting paid to financially support my sister’s cheer expenses. Held my ground on not doing it and now being called an AH by my mother.

I’ll try to make this quick and juicy with details but this is also my first AITAH post, seen/listened to plenty of them over the years on youtube.

I, 23 M, work a full time job as any one else does. I live at home with my family at the cost of rent, bills, car payment, groceries and the usual house chores. I have a younger sister, 17, who has been cheering for most of her life and her whole life revolves around it. She leaves school early to go to practice, misses days at school due to competitions, etc. she’s also very entitled, manipulative, lying and very self centered which she gets some of it from my mother.

Earlier in the year my mother found a gig 3 hours away that can help pay for my sister’s expensive traveling costs that she’s required to go to for cheer. I told her when she first signed herself and my father up that i will not participate in that due to the drive time, not being paid and dont wish to support the person in the house who wants me to move out so she can use my room as a “cheer display room”.

Yesterday my mother texted me during work that she signed me up, without asking me first, and that i would be forced to go on Saturday. I’m usually a pushover and do as my parents say but this time i held my ground and told her no. She then pulls the ol “you dont understand” card out but i still held firm until she finally backs off.

On my drive back home she calls me and starts a fight telling me that i “need to do this for the family” and that “this family is such a disaster. Ive never seen one this bad before” and so forth. I let her say what she has to say before asking her why did she sign me up without asking me first. She then said this gem of an answer “because you’re a good kid and you do what you’re told that’s why”. I hung up right then and there

It’s the next morning and nothing has been said about yesterday but i gotta ask the masses AITAH?

Edit: wow this is getting a lot of attention. Im currently at work and will answer questions when i get the time to. Thank you so much everyone. I already have low self confidence due to my likes/passions (military history, rollercoasters/theming, firearms, etc) and my ADHD and autism effects me heavily mentally. Seeing the replies has made me confident in myself a lot more

I, a (40f) mom of 3, have been running a small but steadily growing playgroup for about 3 years, since my oldest kid was 2. A bit of background: We are American expats who live in a foreign country that happens to be a desirable medium-to-long term destination for other traveling families or families looking to relocate to that particular country. The native language of the country isn’t English, and it’s difficult to learn, despite the fact that there is some level of basic English proficiency everywhere. Like us, most of the families who join us are homeschoolers or “worldschoolers” (families who travel together long term as a lifestyle), or families looking to relocate from their home countries to our city and are scouting it out. The families that join us find great relief in the meetups because it can be really hard to meet other native English speaking families abroad, and their kids basically get access to an instant pool of friends who share their language, for as long as they choose to stay there. Anybody can join the Facebook group and I’m very welcoming to new families. The playgroup is understood as being for kids 0 through about 6, though I’ve never set formal rules or an age limit. I’ve hosted the meetups twice a week, every week for 3 years. I’m not getting paid for it, and frequently spend my own money on craft supplies and activities for the kids. I started it, simply, because we were homeschoolers and I knew my kids needed friends.

A few months ago, a new family joined us. Charlotte (27f), has 3 kids, and her and her family had recently relocated to our city. They didn’t know anyone so like other families they were very glad to join and quickly started attending each meetup. Almost as quickly, her son (7m), let’s call him Jax, started getting into trouble. My eldest son, Drew (4 then, now 5) started to have run-ins with Jax. Now my son is a sweet kid, but like many almost 5 year olds, has big emotions and can be reactive especially if provoked. I started noticing Jax picking on Drew almost right away. Jax, by the way, is a smart, confident kid with a commanding personality, and I noticed the younger ones would kind of do what he said. He kind of has big CEO energy, if you know what I mean.

Well, Jax started telling the other kids to pick on Drew, and leave him out of games. Drew likes to collect rocks and flowers and make piles when he plays by himself. Jax came over and kicked over the piles. There was an incident where Drew was climbing a playground ladder, and another parent saw Jax try to push him off (he could have really been hurt) Jax randomly threw leaves in his face, tried to slug him a few times, and called him names. Drew, predictably, reacted strongly to getting picked on. He had a few meltdowns, went red with fury, and threw rocks in retaliation once. Eventually, Drew started to get anxious on the way to meetups. He’d ask if Jax was going to be there, and stay quiet when I said yes.

Before long, I started noticing grumbles among other parents, too. Jax kicked sand in a two year old’s face. Jax tackled another boy and made him fall down. One particularly bad meetup, a pair of friendly kittens was hanging around the park. Jax picked up a kitten and kicked it into a bush. He told the other kids to help him squish butterflies. One parent overheard him talking smack about her son, confronted him, only for Jax to smoothly lie to her face about what he was talking about.

Charlotte, his mom, seemed to be aware her son was misbehaving. She’d jokingly say things like “yeah, you don’t want my kid.” When another parent would tell her something he did, she’d go talk to him privately, then he’d run off again. In our group, it’s common for other parents to step in when there was a problem among kids, even if it’s not their kid (village justice/mediation), which I’m totally fine with. Charlotte had an issue with this, and asked me to tell the other parents to come directly to her when he did something bad because “Jax was scared of strangers” (this all happened within the first month or their arrival). Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, I tried to accommodate her, but the end result was that he’d do something bad, me or the parent would try to get his mom, and Jax would run away. Btw Charlotte does also come to meetups with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, so she undoubtedly has her hands full.

After the kitten incident, a few parents came to me directly and we started to talk about Jax openly. One told me she’s got ‘spidey senses’ about Jax, and doesn’t want her daughter playing alone with him. Another said her son was becoming anxious on the way to meetups too. I started noticing that some of our regulars weren’t coming, and confirmed through another mom they were avoiding Jax.

By this time, I was so stressed out with the situation, (I was also 6 weeks postpartum with my 3rd) I decided to tell Charlotte she couldn’t bring him anymore. I called her, despite being a very non-confrontional person, and tried to explain it wasn’t working out. I was nervous on the call. I’ve never had to kick anyone out of anything before. I felt bad for her. She’d said multiple times how good the group had been for them and I knew I was about to separate kids in a new country from their new friends.

She didn’t take it well. She thought me asking them to leave was unfair, and seemed surprised when I listed the dossier of evidence against him. She argued that nobody had told her he did most of those things, so she didn’t have a chance to correct him. She accused me of criticizing her parenting, because I said Jax’s behavior wasn’t being managed properly. Which is true: If it were it my kid, and I knew him capable of pulling this shit, I’d follow him around every meetup and make him behave, and if he didn’t, I’d take him home.

In the end she asked for another shot, which I gave her because I felt bad. I asked her to take a break from the group for two weeks so things could cool down. When they returned, I texted her a list of rules Jax had to follow: basically all of the common sense no bullying stuff.

To my surprise, things were a lot better that week (two meetups). Jax seemed to be much better behaved and Charlotte, for her part, followed him around and intervened in minor incidents quickly. There are a couple of other kids who really like Jax and had fun playing with him. Even Drew, at the end of that second meetup seemed pleased: “Jax is nice to me now.” But, I still had the problem that the other kids and parents, myself included, were apprehensive about him and didn’t trust him.

I told Charlotte the following Sunday that I was willing to give him another shot, with a trial period. If Jax could behave as well as he did that week for the next 3 weeks (6 playgroup sessions), and the temperature of the group seemed relaxed and trustful towards him, he could stay, but that ultimately it still might not work out and if at the end things were still not feeling right, I reserved the right to ask him to leave permanently.

Charlotte got defensive again. She said her son played very nicely the past week and she didn’t want to subject him to an extended probation with no guarantees he’d have his friends at the end of it. She thought I was imposing special rules and scrutiny on him I wasn’t imposing on other boys, who also ‘have challenging moments’. She questioned my authority to put him on probation at all, saying she understood my role to just be that of ‘location coordinator’. (One of the things I do is pick the hangout spots every week) And the kicker: she told me they intend to keep coming “with the same expectations as everyone else”.

So, I kicked her out of the Facebook group and the associated WhatsApp group. I sent her a brief message to the effect of “it’s my group I can do whatever I want, bye,” And blocked her.

Mostly I think I was pretty generous to her and reasonable. There was clearly a problem and I had to do something about it, and was within my rights to kick her out of the group I started. But here’s where I might’ve been assholish:

Quite a few times when there was a problem with her kid at the group, I didn’t tell her, partly because I had my hands full with my own kids, and partly because I was resentful I had to follow her son around to make sure no one was getting bullied, while she sat with the little ones and chatted with other moms.

I could’ve been more mature after her last message, rather than booting her and calling it a day, especially since she’s got two younger kids who did nothing wrong and also benefitted from the group. But I was tired of the stress (I LITERALLY have a two month old), wary of having to be vigilant for the next 3 weeks, and pissed at her disrespect.

Maybe I could’ve gritted my teeth, sucked up the disrespect, and given Charlotte a “take it or leave it” last chance for the sake of Jax, who I recently learned was only half brother to the little ones, and who was recently separated from his real dad and moved to another country, and who did seem to have improved after I laid down the law.

So now Charlotte has to find a new place for her kids to socialize, in a place where I’ve built not the only (but probably the best) playgroup for homeschoolers in our little expat community. AITAH?

TLDR: A badly behaved 7-year old was ruining play for other children at my playgroup. I gave his mom chances to fix it. I set conditions for him to return permanently, which she disrespectfully rebuffed, so I kicked her out.

I (24M) added my gf (22F) onto my gym membership for an extra monthly fee since she wanted to workout at the same gym as I do. The problem is, she almost never goes.

It’s been about 2 months since she’s last went. I never pressure her about it since I’m a gymrat myself, and I don’t want to sound like I’m forcing her. I even made a beginner friendly routine and helped her develop a schedule that fits her work schedule. Instead of going to the gym, she’s been sleeping in or doom scrolling all morning every morning.

I mentioned it to her a few weeks ago, because I’ve invested in gym equipment, clothing, and any gym related things she’s asked for but she never goes. She told me she’d start back going but never did. A few days ago, I asked if she wanted to come with me since we don’t get to workout often together, she told me yes but when I came home to pick her up on the way home from work, she said she didn’t really want to go. Recently, she’s been hanging out with her coworker after work some nights or even some mornings before work, but never will put the time or effort into going to the gym, I feel like if it’s possible to get up earlier/stay up later to go out to eat, the gym isn’t too much of a reach haha. Would I be wrong for cancelling the membership? I feel like it’s a waste of money at this point.

Someone posted an ai flyer for a school Halloween event to raise money for a trip to Europe.

I just said they could have just asked an art club member or one of the artistic inclined students to make the flyer instead.

That was the length of the exchange between the OP and myself.

17 hours later the page admin comes in.

Admin
“and you could just
scroll by instead of criticizing her for her poster on facebook.. If you don't like what she used to make it then SCROLL on by. Learn to be KIND not mean.”

Me
“It’s so mean to suggest they get a student interested in art to make art”

Admin
“No your suggestion is
that her poster is not good enough.
Don't play stupid now and try to say it was something else”

Me
“It’s not good enough it’s ai…”

Admin
“who cares. What law
states you can not use Al. Mr self righteous.?. Be the adult you said you were when you joined and scroll on by when you dont like something. Her post is not made for YOU. so you have no say. Grow up”

I didn’t get a chance to respond.

Admin
“the mute for a
couple weeks. Maybe then you will come to realize that the posts are not made for you and members do not have to abide what you THINK should be done. Start your own page and then you can tell people not to use Al.”

So as I get older I have been having major medical issues every couple of years.

Of late I was feeling off, any effort was extremely taxing (we are talking walking 20 steps from living room to kitchen I would have to put both hands on counter to take a break). My legs were swelling and then returning to normal, but the swelling was getting more frequent and lasting longer. I see my family doctor fairly regularly and had blood work done recently. I noted my Creatinine levels were up to 8 when just six months ago there were in the low 2's. I decided to admit myself into the hospital.

Long story short (and believe me, there was a lot that went down medically), I was diagnosed with End Stage Kidney Disease and was put on dialysis. I am a bachelor but kept my siblings informed of the various hurdles and challenges. Be mindful, my siblings and their families live 6 hours away. But I also was mindful of always asking them about their lives and what was new so as conversation was not always weighted towards me (as much as possible. I was mindful, but whether I accomplished that goal is up to them).

So about 6 weeks into this I was feeling really down. I wanted to experience my siblings and nephews and nieces and get some hugs and human touch to help keep going. My sister mentioned that they were going to have a get together with my brother. I said that I would love to see everyone and would it be ok if I showed up early Friday evening?

Things got quiet (it was a three-way phone call), After a lengthy moment, I spoke again, "Is anything wrong?" My sister spoke up that you know you are not allowed to drive and we are not going to let you kill yourself. I responded, "Who told you this. I drive every day all over my City and had already spoken to my doctor's and they saw no issues." I was told that I was obviously delusional and not being honest with them or myself. My sister continued that she know how stressful her life was right now with getting kids ready to return to school she does not have time for this, let alone having to drive 4 hours to come and get me and then turn right around and drive me back two days later.

Over the last 20 years, they have never once driven the four hours to visit me because of kids activities, bad timing, etc. I would drive up every 6 weeks (plus Thanksgivings and Christmas's) and stay the weekend and then return home. I was resentful sometimes but never complained. The biggest resentment was I wanted to return the favor of hosting them ana showing the area and life i live.

Anyway, I said on the phone things were getting heated and we should probably regroup the day before I was going to drive up. I told them I would like themselves in the meantime to inform themselves on what dialysis actually is and the lifestyles of dialysis patients.

They never called me back and the two times that scheduled evening I tried calling them, it went to voicemail. So I wrote a long text, that this new medical situation has laid me off of work, every day is centered around my dialysis, or making sure I am ready for the next session. I have never discussed the mental challenges that go with this as my life has been turned upside down, but I do need my full efforts and outside interference or lack of support is just something that I do not need right now that distracts from my current journey. Hopefully we can circle back together later this year near the holidays as I do truly love you.

Am I The A**hole?

I (not saying my age, but I am a minor and F) have known this boy for about three years now, and I have always tried to put my kindest foot forward with him. I say hello to him, I am polite and I only leave conversations amicably. He is autistic, and not to offend, but quite obviously so. He is very socially inept, behaves in a way that makes most people uncomfortable or confused, and tends to stick to himself.

But recently, he has become obsessed with me. I am not pretty or particularly different to anyone else, I have no idea why. But about six months ago, he began following me to my seat at lunch, where I sit with my friends, and speaking to me oddly.

It's like he's forcing me into a conversation, and I can't help but feel a little anxious in every interaction. He won't stop repeating my name incessantly until I make eye contact, and then he will ask if I'm cross with him. Every. Single. Time. I'm not! I'm nothing but polite, and no matter how often I say "no, no, of course not", he won't drop it.

His odd obsession has gotten worse in the last month. He asks me if I hate him every single time we speak, he follows me around school, and he makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Just a few days ago, he came up to me and said "I don't like when you're rude to me. You need to apologise."

I was confused, and asked what he meant.

"You are rude to me all the time. It shocks me, I don't like it."

I was really confused now, because I tried to be only kind to him in general, even when he is behaving oddly. I let it go that day, but a day later, he said the same thing. I got pissed off. Honestly, I've been dealing with this guy for years, and I'm feeling unsafe and cornered.

I'm a young female. I can't take risks.

So I tell him that he is making me uncomfortable, and that I haven't been rude to him, and it's rude of him to imply otherwise. This made him flip out, and now, he's gotten even MORE stalkerish.

What the hell do I do?

I'm 52, male, married for 32 years. I do all my own laundry along with other chores, like cleaning the bathroom sinks and toilet and vacuuming, to help around the house. I find laundry menial but obviously necessary, I have a drawer for my socks and a drawer for my underwear. I wash them, sort them, then just dump them in the drawer (all my socks match, so no need to pair them). I don't see a need to fold them or do anything else. I hang my shirts and pants on hangers. But for some reason it seems to upset my wife. When I ask her if she would like to fold them and put them away, she says ITAH.

I feel crazy because this is so ridiculous. Surely I’m not the asshole here but I need to make sure. My sister who is about 10 years older than me has a physical disability and cannot work. Our parents suck, so I guess it’s up to me to take care of her. We will find out hopefully this month if she’s able to get financial assistance. I have other siblings, but I guess they don’t care to help out? Anyway, my sister was homeless so I got us an apartment with my income as a barista solely. We’re making it but it’s not easy by any means.
It’s been a few months of living together and she’s been acting… pretty entitled.

When she had moved in, she asked me if I could move her piano (ok- not a grand piano. A keyboard. But a solid wooden keyboard. Not a cheap little thing) up my stairs to the second floor with her friend, and it had to be on a date and time that happened to be two hours before I worked. I knew that there was going to be a line out the door the entire day due to an event for this shift, and there was. It was ALSO at least 100 degrees out. I said no. Obviously. She got upset about it. She eventually apologized, and had someone else bring the piano in.

Fast forward to today- she has a girlfriend who lives about an hour away. She came over here for the first time recently. She ended up spending the night (didnt even know that was the plan initially but I was super chill with it.). 5 hours into me sleeping, they’re talking loud enough to keep waking me up. I had work that day so I texted my sister asking if they could keep it down a little just for another hour. No change in volume. 2 more texts, they kept waking me up. That happened the other week, so today when my sister said (did not ask) she might have her gf come over every other week, I said “idk about that because yall kept me up that morning and I can’t risk being late for work”.

She seemed frustrated and later ended up sending me one of those long texts you have to open about how I was treating her like a child, giving her rules and how she didn’t have autonomy.
Here’s a small part of the text:
“I'm blessed to have somewhere to live, but it comes at the cost of my autonomy and voice whenever the person who has given me this respite deems so. When I, for instance say "hey, I think my gf is going to come over every other week or so" you DECIDE that you don't want it, and now that's law. Any agency, and control over my life in that moment gone.”

Look- I understand that it would suck to be in her position and why she feels the way she does, but come on.. Adult roommates who pay rent have house rules, yes..? So when I have some boundaries about the things that directly affect me when I’m paying all the bills, I can’t see how I’m in the wrong here. Saying “ANY agency and control over my life is gone” seems so fucking extreme for the situation. Am I crazy? The kind of person she is making me seem to be right now is not the kind of person I want to be, so I’d like to be sure.

Hi, I (19F) am a full-time uni student and still live at home with my parents. This altercation happened last week. My dads car is not working right now, so he asked me if he could borrow my car. He took my car, ran his errands, and I didn't think twice about it.

I had uni the next day, and there is a spot right near my uni where police officers ALWAYSSS pull people over for breath tests. Of course, they pull me over and get me to do a breath test, they also ask for my license...

I always leave my drivers license in my car cup holder because I have a seperate bag for uni, work, the gym, going out, etc. I always forget to move my drivers license into the correct bag, so I just leave it in my car.

Turns out that when my dad noticed I had left my drivers license in my cup holder, he decided to take it out, and leave it on the dining room table. I got stuck with the grumpiest police officer who gave me the longest lecture + a $360 fine. (btw I'm in Australia, on my P2's)

When I told my dad what happened, he admitted to me that he took my drivers license out of my car because he said it was not safe... I didn't really care that he took it out of my car, but it was the fact that he did not even tell me, and he left it on the dining room table, and not in my bedroom. I would not have seen it on the table unless I was specifically looking for it.

I asked him if he can pay the fine as I would not be in this situation if he had told me he took my license out of my car, and he said no... I went straight to my mum telling her the story, and she was absolutely no help.

I feel crazy, I genuinely cannot see why I should have to pay this fine. $360 is basically my whole savings. If i'm being a spoiled brat, I'm counting on reddit to knock some sense into me. I will put on my big girl pants and just pay the fine AITAH?

I feel like it's also important to note: I pay rent (started once I turned 18 - was still in high school at that point) I bought my car myself, I pay for my petrol, my rego and car insurance. If my parents contributed to my car, I'd be more inclined to just suck it up and pay the fine.

EDIT: After reading some comments I think it's important to specify, I'm in AUSTRALIA, i am on my P's which means that if you are pulled over with no valid ID it is an immediate fine, no fighting it.

I will be purchasing a phone case with a card holder on the back, thank you for the suggestions :) I won't keep in my my cupholder anymore hhahah

So our group of 3 (myself, wife, and another friend) had breakfast/brunch plans following a drop-off at school. In the parking lot we bumped into another family (husband/wife) that we are cordial with, but not super friendly. The husband of this other family recently had COVID like 2 1/2 weeks ago and still has a HORRENDOUS COUGH. Like the kind the takes your breath away. They mentioned, what are ya'll doing now? Any plans? It was awkward, and one of us kind of blurts out that we're getting brunch... I cringe... The family of coughers then "invites" themselves with a "can we join you?" This is such a bait ask, right, cause you kind of HAVE to say yes. So my wife sheepishly says ok.

We get in the car, and I'm like ""NO F-ING WAY" am I eating brunch with a lung'er... The 3rd wheel in our group then volunteers to uninvite them, by making some COVID anxiety story. This all goes down at the restaurant, sort of worked. The coughing party of 2 decides to sit at another table, we go our separate ways.

TLDR? If I didn't speak up in the car, we would have proceeded with all eating together, now my wife's says I'm the asshole for the situation.

I work with a bunch of therapists. I am one too. Our offices are divided between two trailers--kind of like those 'temporary' trailers used in high school. The trailers are right next to each other. It takes maybe 20 steps to walk from one to the other. Only one of the trailers has an assigned break room. I am in the trailer that doesn't have a break room.

A while back some co-workers suggested to invite whoever wanted to join to have lunch at noon once a week... in the trailer that doesn't have a break room. That's great, I support that, it boosts morale. At least that was the major reason for doing this. I've joined them once or twice, but I normally eat my lunch in my office about an hour earlier, so I am not part of the usual group who ends up meeting. There are about 20 therapists between both trailers, but only about 4-6 meet regularly and in reality that's as many as the table can fit. That office is meant for meetings. There is only a table and some chairs, nothing else.

The issue here is that they leave the door to the office open, with the window in the office closed and the AC pushing all the aromas of their combined meals into the hallway. There is no ventilation in the hallway. The only way to ventilate it is by opening the doors to the trailer and or keeping our office doors open so that the ACs move the air from inside the offices into the hallway, but even then we'd need to open our windows to get fresh air. Otherwise it's just the same aroma moving around. These trailers don't have central air, each office has their own in-wall AC. For security reason, we cannot prop the doors to the trailers open. We do every now and then, but making sure someone monitors the door and only for a few minutes. We can't just let anyone roam the hallway where therapy sessions are being held.

Anyway, they all bring their home-cooked meals. Tasty stuff: American, Mexican, middle Eastern. Today, I went to ask them if they would mind closing the door to the office so the smells don't go into the hallway and eventually into my office or other offices. Now, I don't know if this matters, but I am a brown guy and the group is all women (White, Mexican, Middle Eastern). I an the only guy in this trailer. There are five guys in the other trailer.

These were their responses to my request, in no particular order

Woman 1: are you serious or you joking?

I am known to joke around, so the question isn't unexpected. However, I said...

Me: I'm serious

Woman 2: why, does it bother you?

Me: yes, a little

Woman 3: why?

Me: it goes into the hall--[interrupted]

Woman 2: this is the time when you tell us you're joking

Me: No, I'm serious

Woman 5 (visibly upset): I've been at four other jobs before this and not once did they ask me to keep the door closed!

Me: well, we are not at those other jo--[interrupted]

Woman 3: you wouldn't last in the other trailer (the one with the actual break room and the one from where she is. Everyone else is in my trailer). This is how it is all the time there.

Me: I--[interrupted]

Woman 1: do you cook?

Me: yeah, but that has nothing to do with thi-- [interrupted]

Woman 2: Where do you eat your lunch?

Me: In my office. With my door closed and my window open.

For some reason they found that funny.

Woman 4: you don't like the smell then you can't have any of my food

Me: I'm not saying anything about your fo--[interrupted]

Woman 5 (still visibly upset): Nah! I say we don't close it.

At this point one of them walked to the door and closed it.

Me: You're not obligated to clo--[interrupted]

Woman 5: you came in and said (she started using kind of a mocking tone) close the door because the smell is in the hallway.

Me: I didn't say you have to do it. It wasn't an order. I asked, would you mind if you or I close the door? You really don't have to do it.

They all started commenting at the same time to me to each other. I don't know. I lost track.

I figured I wasn't going to get anywhere, even though one went and closed the door, so I thanked her and started to walk out when

Woman 3: yeah, you wouldn't last in the other trailer.

I thought, ok that wasn'treally necessary the first time and repeating it as I walk out is just passive-aggressive. I turned around and said, oh, so I should be grateful then that I'm not dealing with it everyday?

Woman 3: No, I'm just sayi--[I ignored her]

I walked out and kept the door closed as I left. I didn't storm out nor did I slam the door. I just left. I wasn't five steps away from the door when they opened it again. They did close it again about a minute later.

Then one of them came to my office to ask if I was really joking. That she had not meant anything by her comment of not sharing her food with me. Later, the one who had closed the door said the others were now afraid of me and that I was turning away people who like me.

So, AITAH?

My grandparents owned a house on a Caribbean island before moving to the US. A family member lived there for a while, but they eventually moved to the US too, so the house has been sitting vacant for about two years.
Recently, my mom and I started spending our own money renovating the house so we could eventually rent it out. We’re currently having the bathroom redone, and another family member who lives on the island has been overseeing the work. My mom and I even flew down about a month ago to check on everything.

Well, a few days ago, my aunt decided to fly down, and I genuinely cannot understand what the hell was going through her head. Before she arrived, the house had old furniture inside, curtains covering the windows, and everything was securely locked. It wasn’t in great condition, but at least from the outside, you couldn’t immediately tell that nobody lived there.

This woman decided to hire random men to throw practically EVERYTHING away. She took down every single curtain, installed these ridiculously bright lights inside and outside the house, and left them all on.
So now we have a completely empty house with massive uncovered windows, lit up like a fucking Christmas tree for the entire neighborhood to see. You can literally look straight through the windows and see that there’s not a single person living there. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINKS THAT’S A GOOD IDEA?

This is a house that’s been vacant for TWO YEARS in a place where burglaries and squatting are massive concerns and guarantees. We have security cameras, and we’ve already seen several people pulling up on motorcycles and in cars to look at the property. I obviously don’t know what they’re doing, but why the hell would you make the house even more attractive to people looking for an empty property?

And apparently that wasn’t enough stupidity for one trip.
She decided to deep clean and mop the entire house, despite the fact that we’re literally in the middle of renovations. We still have to replace the floors, renovate the kitchen, and paint. WHAT WAS THE POINT? The entire house is going to be covered in construction dust again!
She also dragged all the outdoor furniture back outside after we’d deliberately moved it indoors because it was getting damaged.

And the part that REALLY pissed me off? She left two random men working inside the house and told them to lock up when they were finished. Two men we don’t know, who now know exactly what the inside of the property looks like and that nobody lives there, were apparently trusted to secure the house when they left.
I genuinely cannot wrap my head around how someone can make so many idiotic decisions in such a short amount of time.

When I found out, I absolutely lost my shit. I called her and asked what the hell was wrong with her and whether she had even bothered to use her brain before doing any of this. I told her she’d practically put up a giant neon sign advertising that the house was vacant and that she was making it ridiculously easy for someone to break in, squat, or steal the brand new fixtures we’ve been paying to install.
And what makes me even angrier is that she did all of this without discussing a SINGLE thing with us. My mom and I are the ones spending thousands of dollars trying to fix this place up, while she’s running around making completely unnecessary changes and acting like she’s done everyone some massive favor.

I understand that the house belongs to all of my grandparents’ children, including her. I’m not saying she has no right to be there or have a say in what happens to it. But having an ownership interest doesn’t mean you get to show up, do whatever the hell you want, and completely disregard the people who are actually paying for the renovations. I know I was harsh when I confronted her, but I’m having a really hard time feeling bad about it. I’m genuinely furious. I cannot understand how a grown adult could look at a vacant property and think removing every curtain, emptying the entire house, and lighting it up for the whole neighborhood was a brilliant idea.
AITA for going off on her?

For a little context where I'm from is custom to greet someone with two cheek kisses ( that aren't really kisses is more of a cheek to cheek tap and you make the kiss sound) I've never really been comfortable with it but I tolerate it for the most part.

Anyway, I have issues with some things, I don't like sweaty hands, I don't want strangers to hug me even as a greeting when is considered "normal" I hate being near smokers because the smell is annoying and in general I don't really like other people near me.

So, last Saturday I was at a hang out with some friends and her other friends, she introduced me to a guy let's call him Aaron, very nice guy, great even the thing is when he tried to greet me with the cheek kiss I stepped back and shaked his hand instead.

I moved on after that and didn't think much about it until Monday when my friend texted me and asked me why I didn't want to kiss Aaron on the cheeks because apparently she wanted us to hangout more because she things we are a "great match".

I had to be honest with her because she's my friend, the reason I didn't want to kiss him on the cheek is because Aaron has SEVERE acne, is concerning level let's get you to the dermatology office, the thought of my face touching his made my skin crawl and I couldn't do it not even to save face.

My friend is very angry with me, she chew me out and told me to grow up (we're both late 20s), I feel bad but I couldn't help it, he seemed great and everything but it did gross me out a little bit, she's not returning my texts and I want to know if I was too mean? I hope she didn't tell him because it would probably make him feel bad.

So was I the asshole?

To give some background, I love my parents in law and they’ve been nothing but supportive and loving of me. My husband and I moved in with them to save money for a house and found out recently we’re having a baby. My in laws are preparing room for the baby but I can’t stand my BIL, more so now that we’re planning on raising our baby with him around.

My BIL is not hygienic at all - he’s a welder and I’ve never seen him wash his hands with soap, he’s got a weird scab disease that he won’t get checked out despite everyone telling him to get it checked out for 6 months now, he burps and blows is across the dinner table…. And he has some behavioral issues I don’t want to raise my baby around: he is ALWAYS glued to his phone, he has a huge ego and acts like he knows everything, and he never gets reprimanded for his behavior. The thing that bothers me the most is how he will always serve tea and cleanup whenever we have guests around but literally won’t even offer to help or even look up from his phone when my husband and I are cooking dinner which is like…. At least 3 times a week.

I want out now so I don’t have to risk my baby watching my BIL and learning ANYTHING from him but the fact is, my husband and I wouldn’t be financially ready to move out.

AITAH for asking my husband to take on financial risk when we could probably just wait 2 more years to afford a nice place to raise my family?

Note: When I say "one session," I mean our first session *after* the initial intake session.

I (25F) had been looking for a new therapist since my previous one unfortunately retired. I was lucky enough to find one who was within a few miles of our new place that also accepted my insurance, AND who specializes in OCD, so I was super excited to get started with her as my OCD has been causing a lot of problems for me lately.

My first impression of her was good. She's a fairly young white woman (yes, her race is relevant, you'll see why in a minute) and has a kind face and gentle voice. We seemed to be getting along pretty well, and I looked forward to our first session.

Our first real session was yesterday, and I was thankful because I was still reeling from an interaction that my partner (26M) and I had with a stranger while out Saturday evening. They had made some extremely nasty and honestly downright vile comments both about my partner and about us being together (we are an interracial couple; I'm white and he's Black). Unfortunately, interactions like this are not uncommon, as we are currently stuck in a very conservative area, but this one was especially horrid. As I'm sure can be imagined, it upset us both quite a bit.

The session started with the typical questions (if you know, you know), and then segued into a conversation about how I'd been doing since the intake. So I, of course, began telling her about what had happened Saturday. And to add context, I mentioned that my partner is Black.

She looked at me like I had just insulted her, her entire bloodline, and her dog and said in a very condescending and snarky tone, "Oh, you mean he's a person of color???"

I honestly didn't know how to respond. I didn't give a second thought to referring to him as Black because it's what I've always done, since he and his family have all specifically told me that they hate being referred to as "people of color." I know I probably should have stood firm and explained my choice, but I'm awful with confrontation and didn't want to cause conflict. So I just said "Yeah" and continued speaking. At the end of the session, I told her that I had a ton of doctor's appointments over the next week (true and believable, since I'm chronically ill), that I would be in touch with my availability, and left.

I don't know, that whole thing just really rubbed me the wrong way. To me it gave off performative-woke "white savior" vibes, but I'm not Black so I know it's not really my place to be the judge of that. Regardless, I didn't appreciate how she spoke to me and I found it to be extremely inappropriate.

So.. WIBTAH if I cut off my new therapist after one session?

(NOTE: I understand that my partner and his family are not representative of the entire community, and that there are some folks who do prefer to be called "people of color." If I need to address their race, I always make sure to respect the preferences of each individual).

So this sounds pretty damn bad. But my dad (58M) asks me (20F) to take care of my autistic step sister (22F) every time I'm with them. I live alone, I moved out 3 months ago but I met my step sister 2 months ago. My dad had been remarried and she's his step daughter now. I help my dad out at his store whenever I'm not working and she's always there. I live 25 miles away from his shop and he asks me to drop her off home every time I leave which makes me take a detour. It takes me around 45 minutes to get home by car and 70 minutes when I drop her home. I've talked to my dad about this and he no longer makes me drive her home. But when I go grocery shopping after, he makes me take her with me and she's very socially unaware so she'll walk in front of random shopping carts as they're moving, peer into random cars, etc. She once peered into a womans car and I pulled her away and then I saw the car wasn't empty. Super awkward because the woman looked visibly confused.

I sympathize with her but she feels like a burden on me. I have a younger brother and I had to take care of him growing up and watch him and now he's making me help out with my older autistic step sister. She constantly talks about how she doesnt have a boyfriend and she doesnt have many friends (she's not the most attractive girl) and she always talks about how she's jealous of me and wants to be me so bad and it irks me whenever any girl says this to me. She talks poorly about other women (ex: "she's dressed like a sl*t!" or "her nose is really big!") but she'll never say anything bad about men she sees on TV and she'll start drooling over them. And I'm a girls girl so it irks me whenever women talk poorly about other women uncalled for. She doesn't know how to handle her dog, she'll keep him on a super tight leash and sometimes she'll grab him really hard and shaking him aggressively. I don't like when she kisses me or grabs my thigh either. Also because she quite literally makes out with her dog tongue and all. She also quite frankly smells really bad because she doesn't wear deodorant and theres always food in between her teeth. She makes messes in my car and starts touching everything in my car.

Anyways I think my step sisters a cool girl but she relies so heavily on the people around her. I'm not her parent I don't want to be watching her whenever I'm around her especially cause she's older. AITAH?

This week he started acting different. I mean like someone has flipped a switch in his brain. Usually he's kinda calm, likes to crack a joke from time to time and doesn't say weird shit. He likes to say some ragebaiting stuff to me but other than that- a regular dude. But this week he's been baisically a different person. He acts like he owns everything, he's speaking up to everyone, including our UNI PROFESSORS, he also publically made fun of me. I mean he said immidietely quietly so only I can hear "but I'm just joking" but come on. He said he loves being happy in life or something like that and that he's "whimsicalmaxxing". He now ragebaits me all the time, text some weird shit in the group chat. As I said- a different person. AITAH for avoiding him, and trying to gain some distance because of that, even tho we are best friends, baisically insepparable?

My wife pays for my MIL’s auto insurance total $250 per month but it’s for 3 cars all together my wives car and 2 of her moms cars, one which she hasn’t driven in about a year that’s just taking up space in OUR garage. $240 phone bill for both of their phones, and she pays for her Netflix account. MIL lives with sister in law who charges her rent and has Netflix at the house but my wife claims MIL needs her seperate Netflix account for some reason. She pays for this with our joint account. Mind you since we found out we were pregnant she total amount she has spent on paying her moms bills is far more than what we have in a savings account for the baby. I finally exploded and told her that it pisses me off and I find it insulting and she cried and left our home and is now staying with her. AITAH

So I (F22) reconnected with someone (M22) from college late last year. He seemed super keen to hang out with me, so I decided to bring him around my friend group. We all knew each other in college.

At first, I thought he was alright. A bit awkward, sat on his phone a lot, but overall decent. Then the lies started. All of my friends noticed it, and when we spoke about things he’d told us, it was clear that everyone had received a different story.

I started a new job which has been extremely demanding. I haven’t hung out with him in weeks. In that time, he has spent every waking moment with my best friend. They’re practically inseparable.

Regardless, I decided to take some days off work and invite everyone on a weekend trip to one of my favourite cities. There was a bit of back and forth about the hotel, as some of us couldn’t agree on a suitable price. But in the end, after confirming with everyone, I booked a nice Airbnb near the city centre.

A few days after booking, every single person had either transferred me or given me a date they’d pay by. All except for him. I left it a few more days and decided to send a message in our group chat confirming the price and directly tagging him into it, asking him whether he needed more time. Maybe this was where I went wrong, because maybe I should have messaged him privately.

I heard nothing for another few days, and then decided to message him privately. Another few days. Nothing.

In that time, my best friend told me that this guy has been making comments about me for months, calling me annoying, or broke, or a leech. This confused me, because on a few occasions, he snatched my card out of my hand as I went to pay. He apparently told another friend he was going to send me an invoice for the drinks he had bought me at the pub to “settle the score”.

I sent another message to him, this time telling him I’d heard exactly what he’s been saying about me to my friends, and asking what his problem was. I again asked him to please pay the amount he owes for his portion of the trip. Again, no response.

I reached out to my best friend (the one who gave me the heads up) to ask for a bit of help with this whole situation, but have also had no response. They’re together right now as I type this out, all whilst my messages to both of them go ignored.

My question is, was I the AH here? Should I have kept on about the money? Am I right to feel like I have done nothing wrong?