Scared because I genuinely do not know how we are going to survive the day. I’ve spent the last two hours with tears streaming down my face googling if a teenager can be put up for adoption. My pride is out the fucking window and I can’t care that I look like a beggar. I’ve reached out to my “village”. I’ve made pleas on social media. Messaged anyone who has ever held a conversation with me.How do I explain that I’ve tried everything?

I’ve stood in the pantry lines. I can’t donate plasma weighing less than 100 pounds. I've filled out all the forms for assistance and sat through the interviews that all end the same way. “Sorry we have no funds or sorry you don’t qualify because you make too much or sorry there are people worse off that need help”. I end every interview apologizing to them for wasting their time because how am I not able to take care of my daughter and her needs?

I’m able bodied, all my limbs work, I have two college degrees, and I have a “good” job. And none of it matters. Asking for help is hard. Asking for help and not getting it feels like a personal attack. What kind of person am I if I can’t get a single person to help? There is truly nothing more that I could do, I’ve tried it all. This isn't “just work harder” because there aren't enough hours in the day.

I regret not fighting back against my ex. When I realized he was trying to kill me, I ran. Finding out he took my entire savings I stayed quiet because I didn't want anyone to know how stupid I was for letting it happen. I should have never left my home. The home I paid for and spent my entire life making it a home. It's been years and I'm still in survival mode trying to recoup everything he took from us.

I’m 33F, married to my husband (33M) for over 12 years, together 15 years, and we have two young children (9 and 2).

I’m at a point where I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I love my husband. I want to be married to him. I want to raise our kids together, travel together, enjoy our life, and grow old together. I don’t want someone else. I want him.

But I’m starting to believe he may not be capable of giving me the kind of partnership I need.

My husband struggles with anxiety, emotional regulation, and executive functioning, although he refuses to acknowledge it. I’ve spent years trying to understand and accommodate these challenges. I’ve also spent years working on my own mental health (mdd, cptsd, adhd) through therapy and other treatments (Spravat, TMS, countless med changes) and I’ve made a lot of progress.

The problem is that every time I start feeling healthier and more at peace, another incident happens that sends me spiraling emotionally.

He gets overwhelmed, becomes angry, yells, withdraws, or physically leaves. And afterward, there’s never an apology, acknowledgment, or attempt to repair things. We just eventually go back to normal.

A recent example: We’re on a family vacation in Mexico. I planned a day trip to an island, organized transportation, rented a golf cart, and built in extra time. When our taxi arrived, he wasn’t ready and spent another 20 minutes doing things he’d had all morning to do. He wakes up super early and spends his mornings doing god knows what around the resort, probably working on his laptop I would imagine.

When we arrived, there was some confusion about the golf cart pickup. I found a coffee shop for the kids and my sister-in-law to hang at while we figure things out, and I get them settled to find my husband walked off because I can only assume the stress of the plans not going smoothly upset him and he seemingly can’t stand to be around me when I’m stressed and trying to pick up the pieces and figure out a game plan with no help from him of course. Once I had a plan, I had to track him down in the streets of this small island so we could pick up the cart together.

He ended up screaming at me while we walked down the sidewalk and swearing at a street vendor. I was humiliated.

What struck me was that I could recognize he was overwhelmed and dysregulated, but I also felt like it was my responsibility to calm him down otherwise I would have had a miserable day.

I didn’t want to spend the day without him for some fucking reason. I wanted to enjoy it with him and our kids.

This is a recurring theme in our marriage. He’s left me at concerts, walked away while we’re shopping, and regularly disappears in the early mornings on family vacations while I’m left to wake up, get myself around while managing the kids and figuring out our plans. When I ask where he is or when he’ll help, he gets upset.

He tells me that I stress him out and that my needs and expectations are too much for him.

I don’t know what goes on in his head. Sometimes I wonder if being around me is genuinely so stressful that he needs to escape. And that thought is devastating.

I feel like I’ve spent years trying to understand him, accommodate his needs, and become a healthier partner. But I don’t feel like he has the same interest in understanding me.

What hurts most isn’t even the outbursts themselves. It’s the complete absence of repair afterward.

He doesn’t come back and say, “I’m sorry I yelled. I was overwhelmed, but you didn’t deserve that. I want to work on this.”

I would give almost anything to hear those words.

During our most recent argument, he told me to leave the relationship and said he wasn’t going to change. It was in the heat of the moment, but he hasn’t revisited the conversation or apologized since.

I’m starting to realize that I can’t make someone want to work on themselves or care about how their behavior affects me.

And that’s where I’m stuck.

I don’t want a divorce. I want a marriage where we both feel understood, supported, and emotionally safe. But I don’t know how to keep trying when it feels like I’m the only one trying to repair things.

Has anyone been in a marriage like this?

• Did your partner eventually recognize the pattern and genuinely work on it?
• If they did, what actually led to that change?
• How did you stop taking responsibility for your partner’s emotional regulation without becoming completely disconnected?
• If you eventually left someone you still loved, how did you come to terms with that decision?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who genuinely wanted their marriage to work but reached a point where love alone didn’t seem to be enough.

I’m not looking for a perfect husband. I just want a partner who wants to meet me halfway.

I’ve been going on daily hikes with my kid. Today a woman approached me and let me know there was a man up the trail exposing himself. She pulled out her taser and scared him off.
I went ahead and called police. She didn’t speak English and was worried about being undocumented so she was afraid to call.
She then tells me the is the second time she’s seen him. She had taken a picture of his car the last time it happened to keep an eye out.
I hate that she was exposed to that.
I’m happy that she had protection.
I’m glad she warned us.
I’m sad that she never felt she could report it without getting in trouble.
I’m upset that now I have to be even more vigilant on our hikes.
Do I even want to go anymore?

And then I come home and see all these posts about how that “comedian” was right and women dress like whores.
When fitness bros wear just as little clothing as them. Can we start calling any person who doesn’t wear a shirt whores too? I see guys on my running trail without shirts all the time, are they whores?

I’m so tired.

I was at work at my night shift job just listening to my normal podcasts. Then the new Oprah episode started and it was about perimenopause. For context I have been REALLY struggling with life the last 6 months and seeking a cure to all this chaos going on in my head. I started listening and related SO MUCH to the episode that I texted my husband something that I don’t think I’ve ever asked him to do before… I texted him a screenshot of the Oprah podcast episode and asked nicely for him to listen to it if he gets a chance. I thought to myself he may give it a listen and try and be supportive but honestly the topic itself didn’t give me lots of hope. When I got home I took a shower and relaxed next to him and casually brought up the podcast and how I listened to it. I asked very nervously if he had listened to it and to my surprise- he not only listened to it but he had already purchased the book the podcast was talking about. We then had a long discussion about perimenopause, menopause, and vaginas in general. He was so supportive, loving, and understanding. He had so many thoughts about it but really just listened. It was phenomenally needed. I don’t know what I did in a previous life to deserve such a mate in life.

42 year old female

My last post about this got removed, so I’ll try again. For some reason, the Shane Gillis sub popped up on my feed, and I’m honestly astonished by the things these men are saying about women in there. I’m not trying to promote that sub, but reading through it felt like I was getting a glimpse into what some men really think about women when they believe no one is judging them.

What?????? I’ve been seeing this claim all over the place since the Shane Gillis comment. I’ve even been seeing WOMEN say this. WHAT?!

People say things like “if women don’t dress for men, then how would they dress in women’s only gyms? I’m sure they’d wear t shirts and baggy sweats”

This is just outrageously stupid and false, so obviously false and so easily proven wrong that I feel like these people must be living under a rock. Has anyone ever stepped foot in a Pilates, yoga, cycling studio etc? Or any exercise-club type of organization that’s predominantly women? (Not saying men can’t do these things just that they’re almost always full of just women)

Women literally wear the exact same things, if not LESS of it.

It makes me so mad that so many people are so convinced that women dress for men, and it makes me self conscious about what I’ve been wearing because NOW I’m thinking about how men are perceiving me when before I was straight up just wearing what I was comfortable in.

I usually wear a tank top and shorts to the gym. I recently started wearing biker shorts sometimes because they don’t ride up and most running shorts have “underwear” inserts that dig into my crotch and HURT after a while!!!! Biker shorts feel like nothing. Plus I don’t get why long leggings are okay, shorts are okay, but biker shorts (which are no tighter or shorter) are “whorish”????

I get that some tight shorts are particularly revealing. Is it sometimes jarring to see an outline of someone’s genitalia a little too clearly? Yes. But the automatic assumption that they’re trying to what, display their labia to whore themselves out for men ?? is just flat out ridiculous. Men are actually delusional.

Also, I do find it interesting that men only seem to notice this about women who meet a certain beauty standard. Two women could be wearing the exact same thing, one a fit 22 year old and the other a middle aged plus sized woman—the young woman would be called a whore and the older woman would be called disgusting. So which is it? Or is it just that instead of admitting that you can’t keep your eyes off of women at the gym who DONT WANT YOU, you’d rather call them whores hoping that the world will believe it’s YOU rejecting THEM?

GOD I used to try to defend men from the whole man-hater thing but recently they have just been on a new level.

Snippet:

• Nearly half of Cornell University students found responsible for sexual assault in recent years were punished with extra study programs and written reprimands – but avoided suspension or expulsion, a CNN review of school records found.
• That pattern of relatively lax response by Cornell officials now faces national scrutiny after a woman alleged she was gang raped at a fraternity house.

Just two Cornell students were expelled after being found responsible for sexual assault between mid-2020 and mid-2024, according to the most recent data released by the university. In all, Cornell reviewed 51 formal complaints about sexual assault in that time frame and found students responsible in 16 cases.

• Those statistics highlight a significant problem of Cornell officials minimizing accounts of abuse, five current and former students who filed sexual misconduct complaints at the university told CNN.
• Some of those students say the university found their attackers responsible for the assault – only to let them off the hook with light punishments.

I just turned 30 and I’ve never had sex. I went to a new Dr. recently and filled out all of the paperwork etc. I told her that I had never had sex at all. She still wanted me to make a plan with her to have a Pap smear since I am overdue and my last one couldn’t be completed because it hurt. After the visit I saw in the portal that they also used my urine sample to test for STD’s. I’m just so confused. Why do drs assume you are lying about being sexually active? It’s more embarrassing to tell the truth at my big age.

It feels like the person asked to give up their seat on a plane is almost always a woman.

and if i think about how the ask goes,its always a man, a couple or a family and wants to sit together and the person they approach is the lone woman in the aisle seat and if you say no, you get a sigh or a look or even a flight attendant sent over. Say yes and you go from the aisle you chose to a middle seat in row 31

I believe the reason is that women are the easiest to ask and idk about you guys but i think women are more likely to say yes and more likely to be punished socially if we don’t. It isn’t about being nice but about knowing how the next six hours go if you refuse.

What bugs me is that seat selection is a paid fee now and when i book through rift flights or skyscanner,I pick my seat on the same minute, because otherwise I end up in whatever’s left and I feel really bad asking someone to give up a seat they paid because its just asking them to eat a cost

And swapping is fine when it’s equal, aisle for aisle, and nobody should expect more. Airlines should seat families together without leaning on strangers and I’m less willing to swap into a seat beside a man I’ve never met than beside a kid and I don’t think I should have to explain that.

Sorry if i am over reacting but i am posting this while waiting for my cab at airport rn ,I had a really uneasy experience while flyin right now(Hate you bald guy i hope you read this)

A few years ago I had spoken extensively to a male friend about how difficult my calculus class was. Like half way through the semester he was shocked to discover I was taking actual calf and not business calc… even though we had discussed it multiple times. I just experienced the same thing with a different male friend, Ive been telling him for months about my nursing program, about how i‘m scared for clinical, I even told him about me taking the prereqs to get in. Yesterday he asking me if i was going to community college to be a nursing assistant, and when I said I would be an rn, he said “ like a real RN?”.

I only orgasm when I stimulate my own clitoris (fingering doesn't work and it's pretty unconfortable sometimes). My boyfriend has gotten a lot better at it, but nothing seems to work. It doesn’t matter if he goes down on me (which, by the way, I barely feel anything from, and I don’t know if that’s normal) or touches my clitoris. It feels good, but it never gets me to orgasm.

I’ve guided his hand and shown him what I do so many times, but it just doesn’t feel the same when he does it. A lot of the time, when he goes down on me or touches me with his fingers, it even feels a little uncomfortable, even when he’s being really gentle. It’s just not the same as when I do it myself.

It never feels as good when he does it as it does when I touch myself, and I really wish he could make me orgasm without me having to do it myself.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? I’ve wondered if it might be psychological, since I already find it pretty difficult to orgasm in general, although when I’m touching myself, I can sometimes orgasm multiple times. I don’t know. It’s honestly so frustrating, and I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend just told me a story that deeply disturbed me, and I don't know how to deal with my feelings. For context, we are both in our late thirties and this is a story that happened in his early teens (over two decades ago).

He told me that when he was in high school, a girl was gang-raped at a party. She got blackout drunk and a bunch of guys started taking turns on her. My boyfriend was not present at the party, but was friends with many of the people there, and heard about the incident the next day. No one reported the rape to any adults, and the perpetrators never received any punishment.

He said that he felt horrible for her at the time, but the true gravity of the situation did not hit him until years later. This was also in a lower-income neighborhood with a lot of teenage drug/alcohol use and absent parents, so I guess people were a bit desensitized.

I have to admit that I also don't know what I would have done about the situation at that age, especially if there weren't many adults around me that I could trust and I wasn't even present at the scene. I would be a hypocrite for holding this against him, because I honestly cannot say with confidence that I would have acted differently. Nevertheless, I feel so repulsed by the story and his lack of action. How do I deal with these feelings?

There were days at primary school where nurses came to give girls the HPV vaccine, but I distinctly remember stupidly forgetting to get my form signed by my parents so I wasn't able to do it, and completely brushed it off at the time. No one bothered to followed up on it. I'm now in my 30s and reading scary things about people ending up with HPV-related cancers. I had absolutely no clue about the head and neck (aka throat) cancer that people get 10-40 years after exposure to the particular HPV strain. I'm happily in a monogamous marriage, with a child, and have been told that getting the vaccine now wouldn't prevent anything from any potential past exposures. I was quite sexually active in my teens and early 20s, mostly from being in peer pressured situations. I am so freaked out. My last few pap smears have come back normal, but the thought that these serious issues could arise decades later is insane. Why didn't anyone double check with my parents why my form wasn't signed?! Ridiculous. I was just a kid. I didn't know how important it was, no one educated me. I'm also concerned about having given anything to my husband. I want us to be around to see our daughter grow old. Any words of wisdom for this anxious mumma would be lovely.

Edit to add that I am completely aware that it's my own fault and not blaming anyone else. I guess just disappointed that it's something I'm now stressing about as an adult and wishing there was an adult with a fully functioning brain that had questioned it to confirm a decision. I don't remember much from back then.

I hesitated to post this because I don't want to trigger anyone who has been through similar experiences. My heart genuinely goes out to those of you who have experienced abuse.

I 29F been dating 30M for a short time who initially seemed very genuine and kind. However, there were a couple of occasions when he made disrespectful comments toward me. He also seemed to downplay his criminal history which made me uncomfortable enough to trust my gut and do a background check. What I discovered was deeply concerning. I found multiple criminal records involving assault, including a charge for assault and battery against a family or household member. He hadn't disclosed everything I found and I was left wondering what else I didn't know. I understand that an arrest or charge doesn't automatically mean someone is guilty and I did find a case that was dismissed. Still, the overall picture raised serious concerns for me. When I confronted him about things, we ended up arguing. After I ended things, he called me a demon and said I deserved to burn in hell. He sent text after text insulting me and telling me how much he hated me. I also discovered that he had taken his personal drama to public social media.

Needless to say, I decided to walk away and he is now blocked. I understand that people can change but I also believe that I'm allowed to protect my peace and take concerning behavior seriously. I know he is on probation for three years in my state which makes me hope that he respects my decision and stays away. Part of why I'm posting is that I've been in a relationship with a narcissistic person in the past. One of my biggest weaknesses is seeing the best in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes giving far too many chances when I should walk away. I think I know deep down that ending this was the right decision, but I could really use some reassurance from people who understand these situations.

How do you learn to trust your gut without second-guessing yourself or feeling guilty for walking away?

You see a lot of men, often the ones with muscles, but also those with less "aspirational" bodies, reveal a lot of their bodies. In the summer you see men bare chested in just shorts walking along the street. You see men in gyms in tight singlets and short shorts. It's not unusual to see men of all shapes and sizes in budgie smugglers on the beach. Or cycling shorts. Neither leave much to the imagination.

Yet they are not made to feel like their worth is inversely proportion to the square cms of the cloth that clothes them. Or if it's tight against their skin.

But a woman? She's a whore if she is wearing anything that reveals her body. Or dresses "sexily". She can be attacked and some people will say, "what did she expect? She was dressed like a whore".

The ongoing battle against these glaring double standards is far from over. It's so fucked-up, yet it's so normalised that people defend this mindset. The gaslighting is on a grand scale and it's exhausting.

My mother is 72. 6 years ago, she had a benign polyp removed from her intestine and was told she needed to repeat her colonoscopy after 6 years instead of the standard 10.

She called her insurance to see if she could schedule one at 4 years because she was anxious (my dad died of cancer) and was told no , 6 years was fine.

A month before her 6 year anniversary, she had serious abdominal pain and went to the doctor. He diagnosed her with a UTI but she said that wasn’t it, there was something more. The doctor said “well, you know your body better than me” and ordered a scan.

Long story short, 5 days later they removed a tumor from her colon in the same region as the polyp had been. Unfortunately, it’s already stage III.

I’m really grateful for her current doctor who took her seriously. She has a long road ahead and while it could have been better if they’d allowed her to get a scan earlier, it could also be worse. It reaffirms my pessimism about the insurance industry, but it’s at least a good story about the medical professionals.

When I’m cooking, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m driving, listening to music. Is this normal

So I had a horrifying situation at PE today. So I was changing in the bathrooms, and inserted a tampon because I was on my period. I thought nothing of it and met with my two friends as we went to gym. We hung out a little and my friend screams “oh my fucking god is that blood?” and I horrifying look to my shoe, and there was a freaking blood clot and blood on the very bottom side of my shoe. How the hell did it even get there? I don’t even know what I was doing, but without thinking I wiped it with my hand. I’m mortified rewriting this story. So my friend tells me to go wash my hand and my other friend goes with me and all the bathrooms are close so I have to walk halfway across the school with fucking blood clot on my hand. I’m left in the bathroom and I wash my hand and foot and went back to class. I joked around like usual with my close friend and we ignored what happened but I’m fucking mortifiedddd. I’ve been trying to distract myself from the thought but anytime I remember it I just want to curl up and dieee

SPOILERS, don't read ahead if you haven't seen the movie yet.

I just walked out of Other Mommy, and after sitting with the movie for a little bit, I'm quite stunned by the covertly misogynistic undertones. Little summary: Jessica Chastain's character is a captain of industry working mother, while Jay Duplass is an affable stay-at-home dad. Chastain's lack of maternal desire spawns a ghoulish alter-- the Other Mommy-- who tries to seduce her child away from her.

Chastain's character is definitely imperfect (implied to have been having an affair with Duplass's best friend), but the horror doesn't come from her character flaws. The horror seemed to be "wow, this mother is a workaholic! She cares more about business than being a mom!"  At the end of the movie, Chastain admits directly to her daughter's face that she never wanted to be a mother (adding that Duplass desperately wanted to be a father), and this admission banishes the demon from the home.

I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot, there really wouldn't be much of a horror movie; a reluctant father decides to become a hard-working provider for his family so that his wife can stay home and be the mother she always dreamed of being. This fictional father would be hailed as a hero, but in Other Mommy, Chastain's desire for an identity outside motherhood is considered her most cardinal sin.

There was also strong messaging that Chastain was an inadequate female role model for her daughter (the daughter does makeup and paints nails with her male babysitter instead of bonding with her mother). It just felt like the film was highlighting how much of a failure Chastain was as a mother (for doing nothing wrong except taking on the more traditionally masculine role in the family)  

I'm just curious if anyone else who saw this film picked up on this message.

EDIT: Damn, this same post in r/movies got me not one but two direct messages telling me to kill myself. Kindly sticking to this sub instead ♡

The absolute state of women's safety measures is infuriating. Following recent safety incidents in New Delhi—including assaults in public parks—local authorities and colleges have responded by tightening curfews for female students, banning women from parks after dark, and moving classes online.

Instead of actually policing criminals and fixing broken law-and-order, the brilliant solution is to turn women's hostels into prisons.

Restricting a woman’s freedom under the guise of "protection" is just institutional laziness. If the administration cannot make public spaces safe at night, they should put a curfew on the perpetrators committing the crimes and let the women walk free. Stop punishing the victims.