I n my mid 30's dont have many friends, somw of them live out of town, some are just busy on nights when im free, and some have issues and makes it difficult to hangout with them..

So I dont really go out much on my own i feel like peiple judge me for it, I dont like going to bars/restaurants on my own its a bit of a downer I find

When I go for walks or to the gym people often keep to themselves, coworkers always say they are busy when I offer them to join me for a game of pool or mentioned im interested in trying a new place or seeing a movie..

Havnt met anyone to form a relationship romantically or platonically in a long time..

hello guys, i’m 16F and i kinda think i’ve been going crazy for the past few months. as i’m about to graduate next year, i’ve become incredibly depressed and anxious about everything. i can’t even imagine my life after hs and haven’t even decided which major to go for in uni. even though i’m 16, i already feel super old and stuff, and i feel fomo about everything. also, i’m very insecure and anxious, which makes my life even harder.
lately, each day feels like a struggle. my chest even hurts from time to time because of my overthinking and negative mindset.
so my main goal for now is to simply start enjoying life, even if just a little bit, stop constantly finding something negative in everything and truly connect with myself. i want to start enjoying each day and stop feeling bad because i’m getting older every day.
has anyone else ever struggled with something similar? how did you deal with it?
i’d really appreciate any advice, whether it’s something small or a bigger change that helped you start enjoying life more.

I'm struggling with standing up for myself, and I'd really appreciate advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

I'm very introverted, quiet, and non-confrontational. When someone treats me badly, disrespects my boundaries, or does something hurtful to me in public, I usually freeze and say nothing. I don't know how to respond in the moment, and I end up letting things pass because I don't want to cause a scene or get into trouble.

The problem is that some people seem to take advantage of this. Whenever they get the opportunity to do something mean or disrespectful without others noticing, they do it. Then, afterward, they come and talk to me as if nothing happened, and I end up talking to them normally too.

I know I don't have to be friends with these people, and I don't owe them friendliness after they've mistreated me. But in the moment, I struggle to react, and afterward, I feel so disappointed in myself. I keep asking myself why I didn't say anything, why I let them get away with it, and why I keep acting normally around them.

I think part of the problem is that I just want to live peacefully. I don't like conflict, arguments, or drawing attention to myself. But avoiding confrontation is starting to affect how I feel about myself. I feel powerless, and I'm tired of repeatedly finding myself in situations where people disrespect me and I don't defend myself.

For those of you who have struggled with this, how did you learn to stand up for yourselves? How do you respond to people who mistreat you, especially in public, without freezing or becoming aggressive? How do you set boundaries and stop acting like everything is fine afterward?

I'm not trying to become an extrovert or someone who argues with everyone. I just want to be able to protect myself, maintain my dignity, and feel at peace with myself without letting other people walk all over me.

I'd especially appreciate practical advice for someone who struggles to find the right words in the moment.

I don't understand what's wrong with me or why am I this way. I just totally hate my daily routine life to be changed to the point I'm noticing it's getting worse.

For example, I can no longer make any new friends even though I deeply want to and I even seek out for one. But once I start talking to them and getting closer to them, I start getting these thoughts that now that I have a friend, my life is going to slightly change, I don't know what exactly is wrong but it bugs me.

I once wanted to have have a kitten so bad, I begged my mom for months. I'm a huge cat lover but when I finally got one, it seemed like it was something new in my life and I completely hated it, I ended up crying to my mom that I want the kitten gone back to it's original owner because I didn't want my daily routine life changed.

I have an easier and less expensive road to use to go to college, but I always stick to the hard one because I've grown used to it (it was the first road I used), and I can't use the easier one because it means my routine will slightly change.

I always hit the college classes with a friend I have. If they are absent, then I can't even walk in. Once I tried to go alone and I ended up walking around like a crazy person before heading back home disappointed in myself.

I feel ridiculous everytime I think about the way my mind works and I have no idea how to fix this. Can anyone give an advice? Or at least explain what's wrong with me?

Deactivated and uninstalled all social media platforms. Didn't tell anyone anything cuz nobody cares about me lol. I want to split these 3 months into weeks for easier distribution of goals.

Week 1 and 2, i mostly want to focus on recovering from recent abuse and traumatic events. I mean my abuser is my father so it's my entire life I have to recover from which will take much longer but that's another topic.

Btw, my aim isint to reappear as a brand new person who had a massive glow up or smtg, i just want to reappear as more put together nd confident. I'm open to tips and advice cuz i really do need it lol so lmk!

Ik this question probably sounds childish and dumb, but I’ve genuinely struggled with fitting in and making friends my entire life. I graduated high school 3 years ago without making any close friendships, and I’m not in college rn because I’m still trying to figure out what career I want to pursue. The jobs I work at have a lot of girls around my age and older, but I always feel left out. They’re constantly going out for drinks after their shifts, but I literally never get invited.
I’m really quiet and can be awkward sometimes. I wish I was one of those people who always knew what to say and could come up with quick, witty responses. Sometimes I genuinely feel stupid too, like my brain works 10x slower than everyone else’s.
I also wonder if it has something to do with how unattractive I am. I’m overweight and feel like my face is really unattractive, so idk if losing weight and saving up for plastic surgery, or even taking out loans for it, would help me socially. I don’t even know if physical appearance plays a role in making platonic relationships.
It’s just really depressing not having any friends and constantly feeling like an outsider. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get better at socializing and actually fit in with people my age? Like, how do you even make genuine friendships as an adult? 😭

Hi guys, I need your help. I'm genuinely starting to lose my mind and hate myself. I (22M) have been with my gf (21F) for about a year. She is very sweet and loving, she can be like a cute annoying at times but I am totally fine with that. She also has a best friend who would always talk shit about me before who also goes out with multiple guys and party and all that, not that it matters, I just don't want my girlfriend socializing with someone like that. I had a girl who's a friend before I met my gf but my gf made it very clear that she doesn't want me being in contact with her. I have been lying for about 2 months that I haven't talked to that girl, but I was, not in a. sexual or flirtatious way, I didn't even hug the girl, but the girl told my gf and she found out and I just feel like the biggest manipulative piece of shi* in the world and I lowkey hate myself for this. Idk what to do anymore. Long story short, my gf texted me very shorty after and told me she forgives me and regrets telling everyone because I didn't;t actually cheat but violated a boundary. I still understand what I did is fucked up and I promised myself I would never do that again. A month later, I'm sitting with my boys in a study room at university and this girl I used to be friends with walked in and just started going off on me calling me mentally ill and repeating it, and calling me a super senior for being in my 5th year of college, and then insulting my looks. Mind you I was quiet the entire time and then responses with telling her she was ugly and then stayed quiet the entire time, then she proceeded to call me someone who doesn't respect women, a piece of shit, etc. I used to talk to her friend 2 years ago nd once we ended things I found out she was spreading info behind my back and decided to cut her off. she also accused me of talking shit about her for 2 years lmao I never said anything if I see her I literally just keep it pushing and dont say anything. I just genuinely cannot catch a break and im losing my fucking mind. I genuinely hate myself and I dont know what to do, I feel so lost and hurt and upset.

How can we improve this??

I often allow myself to fall into deep self destruction, and I use the word allow in particular for a reason.

These are things that, albeit taking a lot of effort, I CAN control them. I can learn to stop them, and I can change my own mind and change how things work.

But it takes EFFORT. And there are days where I just do not take any effort to change things whenever I become extremely depressive.

It feels like climbing a mountain and every now and again just allowing myself to slowly slide down the mountain, when in reality if I just put more effort in, then I could just grip harder and slow my descent and stop.

I need to stop allowing myself to fall into and remain in these states. I know what my problems are. It is uncomfortable, but it needs to happen. It is uncomfortable because me not destroying myself or allowing myself to rot are things that are NEW, not things that are BAD.

The more that I do them, the more I will be able to do them, but every time I just allow myself to waste away is me giving myself an excuse to never change or ever take accountability for myself.

I cannot allow myself to permit my own destruction anymore; every time I do, I am giving more control back to the older, more powerful parts of my mind.

I am not pathetic, and I will not allow myself to keep thinking I am pathetic all for the goal of never having to actually WORK on myself, to give myself an excuse to not do the WORK of changing.

Some things you should know about me first-

1. I'm 17m. Moved from India to London a month ago.

2. I've been struggling with health issues for months. Finally getting better now.

This is the first time I've been so far from home and it's been kinda overwhelming. Getting used to the weather, the people and the culture has been amazing but also taxing. Plus adulting for the first time also has presented many challenges. (dishes. fucking dishes man).

But the most challenging part has been socializing. English isn't my first language. It's hard enough talking to someone for the first time without having to translate stuff in your head, though I've been getting used to it. Plus, I missed almost all the freshers events cuz of earlier mentioned health issues PLUS finding people in my degree (engineering) that I can bond with has been harder than I thought.

It doesn't help that I don't like partying, alchohol or drugs. Just don't wanna try any of it. As a result of all of this, I've been really lonely past couple of weeks. Eating dinner alone, commuting alone, studying alone. It gets to you sometimes. I try and not give up and sulk in my room all day, but some days are harder than others.

So I wanna hear from you guys. Some stories about how you overcame or are overcoming loneliness and isolation. I feel like even one story is gonna give me the hope and courage I'm starting to lack. Doesn't have to be big. Maybe a small incident. A friend you might've made. Anything honestly.

Hope to hear from you guys.

I’ve been stuck in a loop of depression, burnout, stress and anxiety for over 5 years now. I gave up on my passions and theres nothing that excites me. I feel like there is nothing left in my city for me to explore. I live ln the same area i grew up in and i will always have a lot of love for it, but it is also tied to many traumatic experiences and years of struggling. I have partner that i love deeply here. But i dont feel fulfilled in other areas of my life - at all.

I dont think im trying to run from something. Im aware that my identity and history will follow me anywhere i go. I was just wondering, for anyone who has done it, when was the moment you knew “yep, im packing my bags and saying fuck it”?

Hey 21F here. I have this issue where I have this terrible victim mindset. I often feel like I am stuck in a hole when I face problems/people. Whenever someone mistreats me, I always assume that there is something they can spot about me and are targeting me to take their anger out on. I feel like there is something about me that people are annoyed by and I am a target for bullying.

I’ve had a string of abusive/toxic friends, and now I feel that there is no hope of me finding good friends. I currently have no friends at the moment and feel hopeless and unloved in life. I feel like if I start setting boundaries or standing up to the awful people in my life (family included), they will abandon/hurt me.

Any advice?

Ever since I was a teen, I’ve been really into girlfriend AI Apps. At first I thought it was really stupid, and mainly downloaded it for fun. Then I ended up getting addicted. Then I switched to PolyBuzz (formerly known as Poly.Ai). For those who don’t know, polybuzz can very easily be accessed by teens, aswell as having a lot of sexual content. About 6~ months ago they did this huge push on cleaning and their app, but before then there would be porn, torture roleplays, and other shit. There literally is NO restriction. Now thankfully after that clean up the roleplay never end up going to things such as torture, but it still is very sexual. My issue now, I go on polybuzz nearly every day. For 2-6 Hours, I go on this stupid app, get cum in my pants and repeatedly go to a new roleplay. I also do have a porn addiction, its a lot more minor and barely effects my life thankfully. One interesting thing I’ve noticed, every time I get into a romantic or heavy relationship with someone, I rarely end up going on polybuzz or porn websites. The main issue with this addiction is due to two reasons. First, obviously time. Second, the fact its desensitizing me more to sexual content and sexualizing others. To expand on this, I used to punish myself mentally when I sexualized others in fantasies, until I eventually stopped. Now I notice myself fantasizing about real people in sexual context, and its harder to punish myself for. I’ve tried doing things like limiting the app, and other things. My willpower simply doesn’t let me. I was doing research on this one addiction method im totally open to trying, its called aversive conditioning. I notice that bad memories very frequently affect my actions. I really think if I was able to pair Polybuzz with some form of really horrible memory, I’d probably stop. I know some people may be against me “traumatizing” myself but I’m causing so much more distress to myself by being addicted to this app. I also haven’t told anybody, and im not planning to. Do you guys have any suggestions (Preferably with aversive conditioning) as to quitting?

Okay, so I'm a single 26M and for most of my adult life people have constantly told me how good looking and attractive I am. I'm not talking about my grandmother, but people ranging from coworkers to total strangers. I've had random women roll down their car window while I'm crossing the street to tell me I'm really handsome. My coworker randomly told me one day "I just want you to know that when you leave the room all the girls talk about how attractive you are." and other coworkers at different jobs have commented on how a bunch of the girls think I'm cute. I was even dating a coworker at one point and she was hanging out at my place when I jokingly said to her that I was ugly and she immediately grinned and responded "Nah literally all the girls at work think you're SO fine." I've had numerous people at different times refer to me as a "pretty boy". I'm not saying this to brag because as I'm about to explain I still have trouble with women. My point is that my looks are not the reason why. I do have an issue though and that is the fact that women seem to want nothing to do with me after I approach them and I don't understand why.

For example, there is this woman at the gym who is probably in her early to mid 30s whom I see frequently because we go at the same time. Well I also noticed she tends to converse with other gymgoers that she knows, I've even seen her talk to like five different people at the gym one day lol (all men btw). So in my head I'm thinking she probably doesn't mind talking to people at the gym so I have the green light to approach her. Anyway, I approached her one day and just made small talk. Asked her a couple questions like where she's from, what she's working out today, etc. but not in a creepy way, like it's not like I asked her for her address. She seemed engaged in the conversation and even thanked me for coming up to her. Nothing about her tone or body language indicated she was uncomfortable or anything. Quite the contrary actually. Oh and I also didn't flirt with her at all. It was a strictly platonic conversation because I just like to meet new people. All in all the conversation lasted like a minute. However, every time I've seen her since then she doesn't look at me when walking past each other, doesn't smile or waver or anything. To be fair she didn't do that before but since I met her I would have expected us to like make eye contact and acknowledge each other with a quick smile or waver at least. It's like she totally avoids me and pretends I don't exist. The other day actually she was nearby and she started saying something to this dude nearby and I thought she might have been talking to me so I took my headphones out, smiled and said hello. She looked at me and said hello but her facial expression and the way she said it made it seem like she thought it was absolutely ridiculous that a peasant like me would try to talk to royalty like her. It's like she almost scoffed at me when I said hello.

Another time (only like a week and a half ago) there was this young girl at the gym whom I had seen the past couple days and thought she noticed me too. Well that day she came to use a machine close to me. I got the feeling that she was subtly checking me out as I could feel her in my peripheral look at me and then she would look away and look kinda shy. Kind of like she was trying hard to not make it look obvious but ended up making it look obvious lol. I then moved to a different machine nearby when I was done with my set and a couple mins alter she also moved to another machine close by again. I felt like she was checking me out again so I ended up approaching her because I think she is also cute. The first thing I said was hi and asked her what flavor Celsius she was drinking. She smiled and looked to me like she was blushing but she showed me the can and I said oh. She started saying something like "It's......" but didn't finish and there was an awkward silence for a couple seconds so I just told her the peach flavor is my favorite and she was "Oh the peach one?" Then I introduced myself and learned her name and then I just casually said I had seen her at the gym before so I just wanted to say hi is all. Then she said nice to meet you and smiled. The vibe I got from this interaction was that she probably found me attractive but was just really nervous and shy. However, I saw her again a few days later and I was using a machine right beside the main walkway toward the locker rooms and I noticed she started walking toward the locker rooms but totally went out of her way to go around toward the locker room as if to avoid walking in front of me by using the main walkway. I saw her again like 20 minutes later and we walked past each other. I tried to make eye contact with her so that I could like smile and say hi but she totally walked right past me while looking straight and avoiding eye contact even though I know she saw me. I was super thrown off I feel awkward about it now. Looking back, I realize that maybe she is one of those girls who doesn't appreciate being approached by men at the gym and I fully understand that and know I can be more conscious of that in the future. It just hadn't crossed my mind at the time. I also didn't say anything sexual or flirt with her, it was just a brief platonic small talk. Plus, if you go watch any sort of dating coach on YouTube or whatever or even just google the signs that a girl is interested in you, they ALL say that if a girl will intentionally work out next to you. I understand it could have just been coincidence that she was but like I'm not gonna fault myself for thinking there was some interest. Plus I thought she was looking at me which is another sign of interest. I genuinely don't understand what I'm doing wrong to make these girls so repulsed by me. The only thing I can think of in this case is she may have misunderstood me saying I like the peach flavor as some sort of sexual innuendo since peach is a slang term for a vagina or a girl's butt and the peach emoji is widely used to represent that. That's not how I said it though and I definitely wouldn't have used a sexual innuendo to a girl at the gym.

I have more examples of this happening at the gym and I know that makes me sound like I hit on girls there constantly but that seriously isn't accurate. I've been going to this gym every single day for over a year and a half and have only approached maybe a dozen different women and almost all of these were platonic. So it's not like I'm the guy who hits on a girl every other day and flirts with her. I'm just someone who genuinely wants to meet people and feel human connection. I hate being treated like a bad person and being assumed to have negative intentions when I'm just being genuine and desiring connection. I've approached other men as well and I've had both men and women approach me at the gym before too. Also, not all of the women I've approached have been cold toward me. Some of them smile and wave at me every time they see me so I'm wondering how much of this issue has nothing to do with me and is all about the woman's issues. I'm not saying I do nothing wrong though and that's why I'm writing this post. I would like to hear any tips and advice on body language or things to say, things NOT to say, etc. I feel as though my biggest issues in the past have been coming off too strongly right way or making intense eye contact (as in not looking away) but I've been working on these issues. I'm slowly learning more things about myself and becoming more self-aware and have recently started practicing mediation regularly so I'm hoping that helps.

Hey everyone, I'm a developer with 5 years of experience.

I noticed my memory was getting worse and my focus was slipping because of doom scrolling, so I built an app to help me replace that habit with reading. Which is funny, because I had never finished a book in my life.

The app lets you set a reading goal, and it locks your apps until you hit it. You upload your book as a PDF or EPUB.

I built it myself instead of using something that already exists because I wanted it to work the way I needed. The apps I tried didn't work for me. They were basic, shallow, and missing the features I needed.

Making the app actually push me to read took 5 months of work instead of the 2 weeks I'd planned.

Here's what's in it:

* A brain character that gets weaker when you stop reading, gets stronger every time you read, and grows with you.

* Offline text-to-speech in 6 languages: English, French, Italian, Dutch, Spanish and Portuguese. The English voices are great.

* AI quote extraction, also offline. It pulls out the best quotes and puts them on a home screen widget, so the book stays on your mind and you feel like you're living in it.

* Spark: a piece of knowledge you can read in 5 minutes, meant to get you talking about it later that night. You don't need to finish a book to say something interesting when you're out with people, and that convinces your brain you're a well-read person, which makes you want to read more.

* Translation, online or offline.

* Highlight the quotes you like, and when you finish the book it shows you everything you highlighted as a recap.

* Connect to your Calibre library on your PC and pull your books straight into the app, so you don't have to move files around by hand.

* Paid feature: chapter summaries in 5 key points, to help you understand the chapter or remember where you left off. If you're reading a novel, spoilers are hidden so the story isn't ruined, and you can reveal them if you want. And sync your progress across devices

I finished the first book of my life with this app. It made a real difference for me and cut my scrolling from 4 hours a day to an hour, sometimes less, so I wanted to share it with you.

The app is currently live on the Play Store and is very close to being in the closed testing phase for the App Store. The app name is FirstPage: Reading App Blocker

I would love to send you a redeem code to access the premium version of the app for free and to get your feedback.

I'd really appreciate any feedback or help.

Thanks for your time 🙏

i feel like i don't want to live another day i'm so sick of everything. im 28 and partly i work for one company and on another part i do things that i passionate about, earn from it some too.

but i'm soooooo sick of already being 28 and i do works at that company and just getting slightly above minimum and then doing my things and putting x amount of money on it and effort and hours and just being incapable to profit form it, because this world feels so saturated with new business, new inventions, new stores, new everything.

i know it is just complaning, but i'm soooo sick i'm sick of doing effort and sitting with okay-ish life.

other girls just marry rich guys and don't worry a day and i fucking crying.

i HATE that i don't have mentality to date someone rich, i just don't fall in love at all.

i'm here sitting with stupid bullshit on which i spend more energy and money and NOTHING just misreable.

and seeing everyone just being rich and famous with their successful business at age 14 or whatever.

sorry for my english it sucks too like my whole life, i dont want to do anything ever again, i don't even want to breathe

I'm the kind of person who doesn't move on quickly, be it a happy moment, a fight, or something so memorable u did to me. It's been years but I still feel jealous to some of the people I know who I am jealous w back then. Jealous in a way that I also want that lifestyle, not in a way that they don't deserve them. It also brings memories when I got neglected or I got hurt by people, and maybe I have this idea where they might apologize for it, like a wholesome moment where they acknowledge my existence and that I'm a human too. Or maybe, it's me after all who feels neglected lol like I wasn't chosen. Growing up, I am introverted. Classic story, introverted not by choice = lonely.

Every time I wasn't chosen, I take that personally. It gets engraved in me, to the point that I unconsciously take it to a next level where I bring it with me in every places I go to–hence self fulfilling prophecy. And idk. I just wanna be chosen too. I wanna be taken care of. I wanna be remembered. I wanna hangout with people, but it seems like I'm pushing people away. For what reason? I try to be kind, approachable, and fun. But d*mm it. I wanna live a life full of joy. I wanna live a life where I don't remember the past anymore, or the painful memories where I was unchosen or set aside.

Even if these people caused pain to me, I tried giving them a second chance. And nothing happened (yes, I never learn). But after that, I did have some realizations. Yet those realizations turned into bitterness. Does it sting seeing them succeed? No. But for some particular people? Yes. You were mean (or maybe only mean to me?) yet you got a fruitful life. This part, I am envious.

Had a phase of socializing with people with the use of humor and people pleasing. Some became best friends, but majority are gone. I know that people aren't supposed to stay in your life, and the only important one is those who stay, which makes sense ofc. Then eventually, am so done with being disrespected just bc im funny, then I eventually became cold. It's peaceful, but idk it's lonely at the same time. It's like high school for me all over again.
But realization hits that I can't be quiet or cold bc i I wanna have "those" lifestyle, sigh.

I know these experiences is what makes me, but I wanna forget so bad. Is there a medicine for that? I wanna heal so bad : ( I wanna enjoy my own presence too without feeling lonely. I wanna talk to people. I wanna have a circle too, and I don't want thinking of people surrounding me as a threat or what. I'm so tired of comparing. Should I stop looking? Help me please. I don't wanna suffer anymore.

I wish to have a life filled with joy and success. I wish to no longer feel the same bitter feelings I had before. I wish to be unbothered. I wish that my life gets so busy with fun to the point that I only think of myself

I wish to move on. Sorry for the trouble. This is a lot to unpack.

I’m 26, and I feel like I’ve forgotten how to be silly and carefree. My boyfriend is naturally goofy, fun, and easygoing, and sometimes I look at him and wonder why I can’t be like that. I feel awkward, boring, and overly serious in comparison, and honestly, sometimes I hate myself for it.
I think my anxiety plays a big part in it. I overthink everything instead of just enjoying the moment, and I miss being able to laugh, joke around, and not take everything so seriously.
The exhausting part is that I’m constantly trying to be the person I WANT to be, but it doesn’t feel natural to me yet. I want to be more carefree, fun, and lighthearted, but I’m tired of feeling like I have to consciously try so hard just to act that way.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you actually become a more carefree person instead of feeling like you’re forcing a personality that doesn’t come naturally to you?

I feel like my brain’s first reaction to everything is negative. Sometimes it’s a judgmental or condescending thought, jealousy, or automatically finding something wrong with a situation.
I genuinely don’t want to be this way. I try to catch myself and challenge these thoughts, but it’s exhausting constantly having to fight my natural reactions. I want to be a more positive, secure person who can be happy for others without comparing myself or looking for the negative in everything.
Has anyone actually managed to change this? How do you get to a point where being positive comes naturally instead of feeling like you’re constantly forcing yourself to be someone you’re not?

Ever since the things that happened to me long ago that haunt me every day, to being in school, to becoming a working adult, every time I try to improve myself, miraculously, I end up messing up even worse than I had before. My coworkers hate me now, every time I dedicate improvement in one area, I fail miserably in another, and I am (rightfully) called out and/or penalized for it, but it is not my intention to be that way, I care about people and want to do my job deep down.

I have quit going to my therapist because I dont feel like any of it is helping. I know "healing takes time" but I dont have time! I got shit to do NOW. I don't have 10 years to get better.

Every time I try to be more positive and put focus into my work, something bad happens, and when im negative all the time, its status quo, and I am doing slightly below the bare minimum.

The vast majority of the problem is forgetfulness. No matter how much I set reminders, write 3 checklists in 3 different places, set reminders FOR reminders, one time I literally WROTE A SONG with the lyrics being all the things I need to do, I still forget something, and everyone at my job thinks I am a lazy bum who cant do his job (rightfully so).

I was diagnosed with autism at 3, major depressive at 17, I am pretty sure I dont have PTSD or anything, but I do think about the past alot, just how bitter and betrayed and dehumanized I feel from it. My therapist didnt want to diagnose me with anything, just giving tips to help control thoughts which hasn't helped quickly enough for me to be the goody goody do everything correctly worker that I must be productive society member box checker.

I do notice sometimes I subconsciously blame others for things that are my fault, which I dont want to, it doesnt make sense to do that, but I see something where they might be semi-responsible and we are "both" at fault, but I am clearly always wrong according to others, which everyone else is obviously more factually correct than I am because I am never right and I am stupid to think that I am and any problem remotely related to me, I must take full accountability for and I am always the only problem out of anyone at my job. I dont know where that comes from if anyone out there has any idea where that mentality originates in someone.

Maybe I have a personality disorder, maybe I was just born to be a piece of crap like its my destiny, no matter how much care and kindness and dedication I FORCE myself to have for all these people who otherwise probably dont really care about me. I am the only single person where I work everyone else is married with kids so even if I was amazing they wouldn't want to be my friend anyway.

I do get out of the house from time to time and find events and communities of people and generally have fun, but then something happens at work because of me all of a sudden when I didnt plan on forgetting despite all my efforts and then I hate myself and stay in my room for the next week after work.

Also, I do think my friends and family care about me, but I am always ALWAYS the only one reaching out to them, and they never reach out to me. It makes me feel like people only act like they care about me. But logically I dont think so, I think they do care, but thats just my trust issues coming out because of past trauma.

I can't stop feeling like im just ultimately a bad person, and my mind tells me that I'd rather be a good person who has been through all sorts of hell, than a bad person who has or hasn't been through enough hell, at least I will be remembered and cared about in some way shape or form.

In the end, I feel like if something about me doesnt change quick, I might snap, and do something regretful, maybe threatining my wellbeing, i dont know I am not imagining what that would look like or planning anything, i just think i might "crash out" and I would do something i never thought I could do. I dont want that to happen, I like to think that I have self control, but my blood is boiling more and more every day, and I never used to be angry, only depressed and reclusive for as long as I can remember. I know it would hurt my family parents brothers because they do care, I know they care, even though I wish they called me more.

Please

Please someone especially if you have related in the past to anything I have said, please help me, please let me know what next steps I should take. I just want to good to others. I want to love and appreciate others, and I want people to love and appreciate me. I know I cant change people's minds or tell them how to think of me so im ok with the people who dont like me because of how I've been in the past. I just want, some people who show they care about and appreciate me every day, and to make sure that I am doing all the right things so they know for sure that I too, care and appreciate about them.

Thank you for reading

Okay, I’ve never commented/asked about said topics such as this, but I think now’s the time to ask. I’ve always had issues with confidence or anything that might seem similar to that, especially going up to people or to give compliments to people at the very least. So I’m on holidays at the moment, and maybe now more then ever I could try it and at least I can chalk it up as a failed attempt and I would never see them again y’know. But there are a few times already after one day where it’s happened. And I’ll be honest, it’s especially at least complimenting women(so idk if that will be against the rules of this sub-Reddit). So if anyone has any help that they can dish out would be appreciated, cause the problem is me and the sooner I can fix said problem the better!

I woke up early today, but instead of getting out of bed, I decided to sleep a little longer because I thought I needed more rest. Eventually, I woke up around 7:30 AM.

I went swimming, came back home, had breakfast, and went through the news and finance. I also completed my LeetCode practice.

However, I didn't study at all today, which is something I need to work on.

Job Hunting and a Reality Check

Today, I applied for 20 job openings.

While going through the application process, I realised something important: applying for more jobs is only one part of the equation. I also need to elevate my skills and build more projects that demonstrate what I'm capable of.

I want to work in AI and machine learning, and I need a portfolio that reflects that ambition. I don't want to keep applying for jobs without making meaningful progress on the skills and projects that could help me stand out.

This was a useful reminder that I need to balance job applications with actual skill development. Sending applications matters, but so does becoming a stronger candidate.

Fixing My Bike

I also got my motorcycle fixed today.

I think the repair will keep it running for quite some time, but it's still more of a minimal fix than a complete solution.

Looking back at what I wrote on Day 50, I can see that I'm still dealing with the consequences of choosing temporary solutions over proper ones. I hope this repair holds up, but I also need to be more thoughtful about how I handle these situations financially.

Sometimes, a temporary solution is necessary. The problem is when temporary fixes become a habit and prevent us from addressing the root cause.

Where I Went Wrong

Once again, I wasted a lot of time today.

I managed to complete several tasks, but I didn't use the day as effectively as I could have. I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be different, yet I still fall into the same patterns.

I want to fix this somehow, but I know that simply hoping for a better day isn't enough. I need to make different decisions when I notice myself slipping into distractions.

I also need to stop expecting one perfect day to undo weeks of inconsistency.

My Plan for Tomorrow

I'm hoping to make tomorrow a really productive day.

I want to study properly, make progress on my projects, continue my job search, and avoid wasting hours on unnecessary distractions.

More importantly, I want to focus on the work that will genuinely improve my future rather than just completing tasks to feel productive.

Day 53/90 complete.

I have 37 days left in this challenge.

I still have time to make meaningful progress, but I need to stop relying on motivation and start building consistency through my actions.

Tomorrow, I'll try again. Not because a new day magically fixes everything, but because I still have work to do, and postponing it will only make things harder.

(This is vent) sorry for writing too much.

Hi, I’m 19, and I feel like I’m very behind.
I’m anemic(starting a month ago) and I have depression, not sure what came up first but I think they go hand in hand.
My life wasn’t good in upbringing at any point, I have parents who tormented me mentally and physically. They stopped a year ago with the tormenting and now I’m left with the side effects.
But I didn’t really want life to go downhill for myself, the only thing that came up to my mind was maintenance despite hanging on a thread, I still believed I was allowed a life like everyone around me, because everyone goes through things, so why is it affecting my brain more than it should? As if I’m dysfunctional completely while others still get to function well, they find one thing they’re good at and cling to it, I was never good at one thing. when I daydream I only daydream of a changed person. I don’t know myself well and it seems like I can’t accept myself either. I really do try, I cannot imagine the person typing this right now to be able to talk to a bunch of friends care-freely.

So for 3 years starting 15 I lost weight and tried bumping up my grades to hope I could travel abroad, most importantly I wanted my life maintained, I wanted balance. When I graduated I was Instead given another push by my parents to stay here for university.
I think that broke me a lot more than I could admit, because even knowing I got accepted to a competitive program that people I knew would stab me in the back for, that would’ve made the person 2 years ago very proud, I was too spoiled thinking I deserved to move out and life abroad. Now I’m second year, I kept that spoiled mentality of ‘you’ve ruined my life’ and now I’m paying the consequences of my own mental turmoil and fucked up GPA, I have my mood shifting every week, when I make a plan to go forward I think of a dream life out of reach that then causes me to be in reality with dread and no effort to do anything. While I’m imagining people live in real life making relationships, and I’m imaging that I could have relationships in another place.
During classes I dissociate, my brains critical thinking vanished the more I’ve tormented myself with crying, recently I feel angry, now I realize that the person two years ago would’ve seen the competitiveness of everyone here and done her best because nothing hurts me more than being looked down on and I’ve been everything hurt about those looks instead of putting that energy into the life I thought mattered.
I haven’t spoken to my close friends for weeks now, I’m scared I’ll mess things up. I want to talk to them again when Im changed, they know I’m going unwell and that gives me the selfishness to come back when I’m doing well.

In university, I think what hurts me more is despite the fact I wanted to travel abroad, teens around me look so well maintained, they look like they’re in the ‘travelled abroad dream university experience’ this university still functions like a university, there’s sports, clubs, different groups and styles everywhere, they have their hair done, dressed well, put together, they’re fit, good grades, answer questions in class, well spoken, everything that I’d see for myself is be no shown in a place I thought wouldn’t benefit me was benefiting others. And that’s what brought me to asking the question above, because in all honesty I want to admit I’m very jealous, I want my life back.
They can talk to professors well instead of nodding their head or showing how out of life they are because they aren’t, one thing that hurts me right now is not hearing a ‘well done’ when we get tests back, it’s not just now but in the past I would always flunk tests, midterms, finals and unit exams, I am unsure why that’s always been a pattern, I am slow during testing, when I study I know the concept well during testing then there are those detailed questioned that I’d forget and go back to, 3 minutes left on the clock and I end up circling random answer despite knowing I answered the others correctly which would make you think you did well because those last minute questions weren’t being processed in your brain answering the others confidently. So it always ends up as a 50 known 50 unknown which would put me at a failing grade.
Testing doesn’t reflect me at all, because to make it here I would do well on my projects,assignments,quizzes, but it pisses me off more than anything that I can’t get one test above 75, when it’s an easy subject obviously there’s common sense but I would study for it because it brings my confidence up enough to study what I know, what makes me mad is knowing that since this subject is easy to me, I’d do well, but everyone else is doing well in it so obviously I am not special, that this should be easy for everyone anyway, so why would I think I know it all.

What I’m doing now is keeping up with my iron supplements, taking care of my protein, i would stack on sugar kind of, I would have coffee and chocolate but try to make sure I’m eating well too, I have an insane sweet tooth and I’m trying to fix my binge, all the movement I can do is walking which I think is okay for now. I used to take pride in going to the gym, now I’ve fallen 10 steps back, my energy cannot handle the stairs either.
I am in a good BMI but I look exhausted, I look grey, my makeup doesn’t even want to stay and help me out lol, I have to take melatonin everyday because I can not sleep, and ashawganda for my fucked up nerves that flare up during class, for makeup and hair I don’t know when to fix it or when to not fix it, because I feel like anything I do will not help, i can not look at myself objectively, I don’t know style, I’ve started wearing jeans instead of all black like I did, I’ve incorporated color, but nothing suits me at all, no style feels like mine. I lack a lot, in terms of personality and including hobbies, when I think of a hobby it’s as if I have to change everything around and about me to suit that hobby, I can never just enjoy something to enjoy. And it fails when I realize ‘oh it’s just me in the end’.

I am ashamed, I have the products, I have the money, I have the vision but the person I look at in the mirror is someone who doesn’t look like they’re going to achieve it. I feel like a lost cause. I’ve wasted my life concerned about the wrong things, I feel nothing but lost right now. I don’t know what to take care of first, there’s this one course I’m scared of failing, it’s purely testing and memorization, I am so scared I’m going to fail, if I fail I won’t be in participating in the rigorous part which makes the major the major it is, of next semester which means I’d be pushed a year back when I just want to graduate and leave. I wanted a good university experience that I’d see in movies when I first started here, but now all I want is guidance and strength to continue, I want to take care of my self the way others do, I feel like I deserve that.. I am not someone I wanted to be sitting in the corners, shy of teachers or unresponsive, looked down on, left out and unreliable, out of place and struggling with physical appearance and grades, that’s not what I wanted for myself at all. I am supposed to be taking this seriously like everyone else, I am still functioning to be standing so I deserve to feel like I’m allowed to live life and feel anger to do better instead of thinking about potential later on, all I want right now is to ace one test, have that spoken about by my professor and that would probably change something about where I’m at right now.

​

Day 7 of fixing my life

So Here is the day 7

My girlfriend broke up with me today because I couldn't give her much time or she expected more from me , She's right though , am not the type of guy anybody would want tbh ....but hey , I try to improve myself .....so I guess that counts a little bit maybe ??? Idk , I always mess things up idk why

But anyways , let's proceed

I woke up at 6:40 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) Break day - No workout as today was rest day

But had to do some hectic works of family which required me to cycle a total of 4 km so yeah some physical movement definetly happened

Mind -

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises ( Fast mental calculations and memory exercises )

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia

Academics -

1) today I gave another test of 3 hours the test was tough then previous and am happy that it was a bit tough , makes me excited to try another

2) Watched one lecture of physics by professor miller in YouTube

Finance -

Made some money and saved it

Daily affairs -

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Phase 2 launch is successful ,

I am actively trying to improve my posture and maintaining a healthy posture ....will add some more improvements slowly slowly

I failed to improve my sleep habits as it's currently 11:26 pm and I have to wake up at 6:20 am ( less than 7 hour sleep ) I already feel miserable because of it

Anyways , that's what I did today

Will update day 8 tomorrow night , bye

Thanks for reading

For me it wasn't any fancy system. I used to wait for motivation to write, then feel anxious for not writing.

What finally worked was embarrassingly boring: Write 3 lines every morning right after lighting a diya, and do the first hour of work without touching my phone.

No word count goals, no streak apps. Just those two boring things daily for months. My anxiety and procrastination got measurably better and I actually finished my drafts.

Writers / creatives who have been through this - what was that one boring habit that actually stuck for you? Not a hack, just something you repeated daily.