Thinking, Fast and Slow by Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman is one of the most important books on human psychology and behavioral economics, but it can be a heavy, dense read.

Here is a comprehensive executive summary of the entire book broken down into key concepts and practical applications.

1. System 1 vs. System 2 Thinking

Kahneman divides the human brain into two virtual actors:

System 1 (Fast): Operates automatically and rapidly with little or no effort. It handles pattern recognition, gut reactions, and emotional responses.

System 2 (Slow): Allocates attention to effortful mental operations, including complex computations, logical analysis, and deliberate focus.

The Main Problem: System 2 is lazy and conserves energy. It frequently accepts System 1’s quick intuitions without fact-checking them, which leads to predictable cognitive biases.

1. Major Mental Shortcuts & Biases

WYSIATI (What You See Is All There Is): System 1 creates stories based only on known facts and ignores missing variables, leading to overconfidence in incomplete data.

Anchoring: Unconscious bias toward initial numbers or impressions, regardless of their relevance (e.g., initial price negotiations).

Availability & Representativeness: We judge how likely an event is based on how easily an example comes to mind or how closely it matches a stereotype, rather than statistical probabilities.

Framing Effect: How information is presented changes our choices. "90% survival rate" feels much safer than "10% mortality rate."

1. Prospect Theory & Risk (Why We Make Bad Bets)

Classical economics assumes humans make rational choices, but Kahneman proved we don't:

Loss Aversion: The psychological pain of losing something is roughly 2x stronger than the pleasure of gaining the equivalent thing.

Sunk Cost Fallacy: Investing more resources into a failing project simply to avoid acknowledging the initial loss.

1. The Two Selves: Experiencing vs. Remembering

Experiencing Self: Feels the present moment.

Remembering Self: Writes the story of the experience and makes future choices based on it.

Peak-End Rule: Our memory ignores duration (Duration Neglect) and only cares about two things: the most intense moment (Peak) and how the event ended (End).

1. How to Apply This to Daily Life

Conduct a "Premortem": Before starting any major goal or project, pretend you're a year in the future and it completely bombed. Write down all the reasons why it failed. This overcomes overconfidence and planning fallacies.

Force System 2 Engagement: When facing important decisions (career, investments, major purchases), build forced pauses or checklists to stop System 1 from taking over.

Separate Process from Outcome: Good decisions can yield bad results due to luck/randomness. Don't judge past decisions purely on outcome.

Hope this saves you guys some time! Let me know if you want clarification on any specific concept.

I’m in my mid-20s, and I’ve struggled with porn and masturbation since I was in my early teens, when a friend introduced me to it.

I always told myself it would fix itself once I got married, but the older I get, the less I believe that. I’ve also never spoken to a girl in my life, and my confidence has taken a huge hit because of it. Porn is only one factor, but it’s a big one.

Over the years, my tastes have escalated. I started with regular porn, and a few months ago I stumbled across a different category on Twitter and kept going back to it. Every time, I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. I worry that if I keep going like this, it will keep escalating into things I don’t even want.

I’ve tried to quit more times than I can count. I’ve deleted apps, removed stuff, and even prayed and promised God I’d stop. My longest streak was about a week and a half. The problem is that whenever I feel the urge, porn is my default way to deal with it. Because of my religious beliefs, I don’t have sex outside of marriage, and I’m not able to talk to women, so it feels like my only outlet. Ads and explicit content are everywhere online too, so even when I try to avoid it, something triggers me.

I also worry that I’m wrong about the cause. If I get married and I’m still doing this, then what?

What tactics have really worked for you? How do you handle the urges, avoid triggers, and break the cycle?

Thanks for reading. I’d appreciate any advice.

This is gonna be a long post and I hope it will reach people that have gone through a similar experience since it's not just about phone addiction.

The past couple of months or maybe even a year, I've noticed that I often forget things and sometimes can't remember what exactly happened in a book I'm reading or a TV show I'm watching (for example). My first thought was that (doom)scrolling is the problem. I later realised that while this really is part of the problem, I don't think I spend enough time on my phone to justify that (I even cut my mindless screentime in half for months, but things continued to get worse).

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't forget everything. I am able to learn new information and can still concentrate. It's just that my mind starts to wonder, and I start planning what to do next. Which brings me to (what I think is) the big problem.

I can't concentrate not because my mind is fried from scrolling, but because my mind can't rest. I'm constantly stimulating it with something. Scrolling, music, plans about later, more music. So I stopped listening to music in every possible moment. Even before, I never used my phone in public transport, and I try not to use it to kill time. But honestly I decided I'm just going to stop scrolling because I'm fed up with it. It's not that hard so stopping a phone addiction is not really a problem for now. The problem is how do I do my chores and work in time without overplanning and stressing. The thing is that I'm able to sit and read or just think about stuff but then time flies by and suddenly I've done nothing about my work. I start planning what, when, how to do it and now I'm running around stressing and doing almost nothing in the end (considering the time it took). Then the cycle repeats. I try to stop for a while and just... exists without plans and schedules. But then my chores catch up. And this continues again and again leading to constant anxiety.

No, I dont have ADHD or anything similar. I can be very organised and strict but I want to learn how to do it without extreme pressure from myself.

So to recap - I think I overstimulate my brain too much with excess thoughts, plans, scrolling etc. This exhausts it and then I start forgetting stuff when I'm not under pressure (when watching a movie, learning because I want to not because I need to and so on). It also results in brain fog - sometimes I don't forget my thoughts immediately but I can't seem to "find" them in my head and they eventually disappear (until hours or days later).

I want to find a way to do my chores and enjoy my hobbies without constant stress, loud thoughts and poor time management.

What are things you realised were really damaging to your brain, what did you do to stop the brain fog and how long did it take?

Thank you for reading this and thank you in advance!

I’m a 30 year old female. I work from home 99% of the time and my role is pretty relaxed so I can start working (from bed) anytime between 9-10.

I feel like as a result, I have zero discipline in my life to get up early in the morning as I don’t have to get ready and leave for work.

For the past few months I’ve found it near impossible to wake up earlier than 9 to go to the gym. I set 15 alarms, I’ve tried alarms that make you do maths equations, put an alarm far away across my room. All that happens is I wake up, walk to the alarm/solve the equation, then go straight back to bed. I then wake up 2 hours later annoyed with myself for missing the gym AGAIN.

Please help, what has worked for you? Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I’m in such a rut.

Edited to add:
Because of faith commitments, I can’t go to bed any earlier than midnight. I own a business too so from 9am to 9pm my day is pretty much back to back, sometimes it’s hard to even find time to eat. I usually get home by 10 pm during the week and by the time I’ve eaten and taken some time to myself, it’s usually around 11-12.

Second edit to answer a few questions

1. I used to go in the evenings during COVID but I would spend the whole day dreading it. Once I had a PT that could only meet at 7am, I found I preferred it. I would be too tired to think about what I was doing, almost doing the exercises on autopilot. By the time I was fully awake by 9 am, it was as if I’d worked out in my sleep, had completed an entire gym session and I still had the whole day ahead of me
2. I have a good diet focused around protein and fruit and vegetables. However, I do take migraine pills that make me sleepy (in talks with my doctor now about changing them)

Final edit
Thank you so so much to everyone for your feedback! I woke up feeling like a bum today but can now see that my issue wasn’t willpower but that I wasn’t giving my body enough time to sleep.
I’m now going to try going to the gym at night before I get home, will be tough at first but I’m sure I’ll eventually get used to it.

Appreciate you all!

The first time I discovered porn was at the age ot 9-10 after then I was addicted for few years and left the addiction at the age of 16 . Things get very clear when I left my addiction. I was living at the peak of my life, there were so much mental peace back then but after few months something weird happened to me that was wet dreams . I know it sounds stupid, absurd , but like really that was like the biggest downfall for me. All of the mental health that I regained went back to zero, I went into depression, anxiety thinking about the future. At that time I was having frequent wet dreams like 4-5 times a week. Now I don't get frequent enough but when I wake up in the morning I don't get enough mental peace, I feel like distracted, physical pain in all my body, burning eyes, low energy. I don't even watch porn now but still I can't recover from the symptoms. It's been almost like 4-5 years I am suffering from it.

TW: suicidal ideations mentioned

Hey guys, I’m a struggling university student hoping to become a veterinarian. I’m a junior who just switched from pre-med, and starting over in such a competitive field is terrifying.

However, my biggest concern is my declining mental health. After five years of struggling with depression, burnout, and a past involving addiction, narcissism, emotional abuse, and toxic friendships, I feel exhausted. My depression has improved, but my grades are suffering, and I currently have no friends.

Lately, suicidal thoughts have started popping into my head, especially when I worry about failing exams. I don’t have a plan to act on these thoughts, but I have been scratching myself when I break down. I feel like my self-worth depends on my future, and I’m struggling to escape this mindset.

I have a therapist, but I’m afraid to tell her because I worry it could lead to hospitalization and set me back academically. I don’t know how to manage these thoughts while dealing with burnout, past trauma, and uncertainty about my future.

Has anyone experienced something similar, and what helped you cope? How do I navigate this?

A lot of posts here come back to the same fear: if I stop being hard on myself, I’ll stop trying. The research points the other way.

In a 2012 study (Breines & Chen), students took a vocabulary test built so most of them would do badly. Afterwards one group got a self-compassionate message (struggling with a test like this is common, don’t be too hard on yourself), one got a self-esteem boost (you must be smart to have got into this university), and one got nothing. Then they were offered time to study before a retest. The self-compassion group studied the longest.

A 2019 meta-analysis of 27 randomised trials (Ferrari et al.) found self-compassion training moderately reduced depression, anxiety and self-criticism, and reduced rumination by a lot.

One way to see why: self-criticism works like a boss who shouts. You get compliance, and you also get avoidance: you stop trying things you might fail at.

What it isn’t: letting yourself off. The compassionate response to a missed deadline still includes doing the work. What it drops is the three days of beating yourself up that delayed it.

To try it in five minutes, take your most recent failure and write one sentence for each:

1. “This hurts because ____.”
2. “Other people in this position feel ____ too.”
3. “What I’d say to a friend here is ____.”

Then for a week, each time you catch yourself thinking “idiot” or “useless”, replace it with what you’d say to a colleague who made the same mistake, and keep a count.

Has anyone tried this and found it made them lazier? That’s the usual objection, and I’d like to hear it from someone who’s actually tried it.

Shine your light brightly; share your love unconditionally with all others, spreading inner peace and love around the world.

Doing so, you may help awaken in others their light within as well, beginning them on a journey to discover inner peace and love in their life as well.

A couple months ago this girl from my class said she thought I was really cool and wanted to hang out so then we hung out and then she said you’re cool. Let’s hang out again and then she ghosted me. She ghosted me months ago and I’m still upset about it.

This has been happening my entire college career where people say they like me and then act like they don’t. Or sometimes when I receive criticism, I begin to doubt myself and try to rearrange everything because I feel really wrong.

I can’t really depressed over it. Over people lying about liking me or whatever. I take it as a personal failure and not a reflection of the person. Ive struggled to make friends all my life. I’ve struggled to achieve anything that I see as worth anything.

Usually, after these people ghost me, I end up, blocking them everywhere out of anger. I’ve even gone as far to block all of our mutuals just because they are associated. And I know this level of reactive is not good for me or for anyone around me. I panic when people leave me on read or if I notice something is a bit off. I wish I didn’t care about anything at all, but I’m super sensitive to everything all the time.

Can a rowing machine help with neck tension, a hunched back, and a hollow back?

I (20F) was fortunate enough to graduate high school at 17, finish college at 19, and now I’m in grad school at 20 but in terms of a social life I’m fucked in the ass.

I fell out with most of my high school friends aside from like 1-2 at 17, while still in high school, and during college I only made two friends, we‘ll call them M and H. I love M and H down, but H lives in a diff state, as well as M, so at most I see them once a year.

Now that I’m back home, I’ve been trying to make an effort to hang out with my friends/acquaintances from high school who still live in the area, or go to the same school I do that’s in the area, and it’s been kind of a bust. I have K, which we were never very close, but I managed to hang out with her once in the last three months. I also managed to hang out with E and Z once, but there’s been a pretty uncomfortable drop off. I’ve been trying to make plans with N and J for the last five weeks, and it’s always something every week: I’m sick, I’m stressed, I have interviews, I’m doing this thing, and yeah life is hard, we’re all 20, but it’s starting to feel like N and J just don’t want to see me because I’ve offered several alternatives to no avail. id have an easier time arranging a hangout with Barack Obama than with E and Z, we all work and i’ve picked days that are flexible but again its always something, and the one day we did hang out E and Z were late, E two hours late and Z an hour late, I was so mad at myself for even waiting because I felt so desperate.

I’ve talked to my parents about this and they offered two things: My mom told me to make new friends in grad school. This I’ve tried and it’s not easy. Most of my peers in my lab are 28+. We don’t really have a lot in common and they talk to me like i’m a little sibling/mentee. My program is also a commuter school, so no one seems very interested in making friends, more like go to class go home.

My dad suggested I find hobby groups or go to cons. Which initially I was for, and I went to our local con, as well as the local trading card store, as well as a lego event. This is going to sound fucked but these events are all male dominated. I have guy friends, but the guys who go to these events say the strangest things to me. for example, I was waiting to get a pokémon card evaluated and this 40 year old man comes up to me bouncing on his toes. He goes “woah, how did you acquire that?? That’s super rare. You gotta be about my age to know something like that.” i really don’t know what bro was going for there. At our local con, I went as darwin from The Amazing World of , an acquaintance was Gumball. It was fun at first, I took pictures with people, they took pictures of me. Then I noticed people were zooming in on my legs, as I had basketball shorts on. And staring at me. I’m not saying all people are like this!!! I just don’t feel welcome in hobby spaces I’m interested in.

Im really at a loss here. How do people make friends as adults?

20m wanting to and trying to improve in life but i am getting distracted after some days and start again... I think it's because I lack goal or the path that I'm forwarding to....

Hey guys, I’m 24 years old, and over the last 1–2 years, I’ve pretty much neglected both my physical and mental health. Even before that, I spent a lot of time gaming and had bad posture. Then I spent about a year working on my PC a lot, sometimes every single day, without doing any physical activity to balance it out.
I’ve noticed that I have forward head posture and an anterior pelvic tilt (hollow back). For the past few weeks, I’ve also been experiencing recurring neck pain and muscle tension that travels up into my head.
It’s affecting my everyday life more than I’d like. It affects my confidence, the way I speak, and my ability to concentrate. I often have this brain-dead feeling, like my brain just isn’t working properly. Sometimes I also struggle to speak clearly.
I just can’t seem to be the person I want to be. I notice that I automatically become quieter and more withdrawn when I’m around other people. I feel like I can’t really be myself because these symptoms are holding me back.
Of course, I’ve also wondered whether there could be psychological reasons behind this, since I haven’t always been in a good place mentally either. But honestly, I find it really hard to believe that it’s purely psychological.
Stretching exercises do help, but the relief doesn’t last very long. Right now, I’m genuinely scared that these problems will stick with me and never go away.
What should I do?
I’m currently trying to do stretching and strengthening exercises every day, and I’ve also signed up for a gym. I’ve arranged for a trainer to create a workout plan specifically focused on my problem areas so I can build muscle and improve my posture.
Do you think this will help me get better over time? Is it possible to feel normal again? What else can I do?
I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have experienced something similar or have knowledge about this.
I’m also hoping to hear from people with experience because I’m genuinely scared that these symptoms will affect me at school and at work next year, and that they won’t have gone away or improved by then.
I’m worried that I won’t be able to achieve my goals if I continue feeling this way.

I feel like lust is no.1 thing blocking me from becoming my best self. I spend unnecessary time feeding my lust. I really want to focus on my goals, pls give me tips.

Hello guys, What exercises help with a hollow back, rounded shoulders, and forward head posture? I also have neck tension that goes up into my head and affects my everyday life. What exercises would help?

I feel like i am always a giver and that i keep putting the most efforts in every relationship of mine, be it with my friends or my boyfriend or my family. It feels like even though i feel loved, i still feel like the one who is doing the most in everything.

It's such a scary feeling to even feel so alone even when you have your people. But it genuinely sucks though to not have someone to go out and enjoy with too (since my relationship is ldr and my bestfriend has so many friend groups). Though i don't mind going alone but how to genuinely stop feeling like you have no one and that no one loves you as much as you love them:/

Some of us get all that we want in life, and some of us get none of it. But most of us fall somewhere in between those extremes. We have our strengths and struggles. Sometimes our effort is rewarded, sometimes things just don't work out no matter what you do.

And in many ways, I've achieved what I've wanted. I managed to get my masters degree in engineering, I managed to move to the city I wanted to live in, I managed to make great friends, I managed to get a job and I've now managed to start a probably better job. I've managed to be way more in control of my social anxiety, through therapy I've come to understand myself way better. I've made progress in life.

But still, no matter what I do, I've yet to come further than a handful of first dates, never even as much as a kiss. I'm 26 years old, straight and a guy. And I've simply started to feel that while I don't think I'm a bad guy or anything, whatever that extra aspect of a guy that makes them relationship material simply isn't there for me. Despite what my friends tell me.

No one is part of a monolith, we all have our personal preferences romantically, and maybe it's true that there's someone for everyone out there (although where I live, Sweden, that's not really possible considering that there's more men than women in my age bracket...). But I just find it hard to believe that it's true for me. And maybe that's just the way it's meant to be, I certainly don't blame the women that have rejected me. I wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me and I hope they've found love with someone else.

I've asked women out in person, I've tried going to hobby things, I've gone to speed dating events, I've gone to singles mixers, I've asked friends if they have someone they could set me up with, I've tried the apps. Nothing works, in ten years I've gone on four dates. I've matched with as many fake bot/scam/joke profiles as I have with real people on dating apps. Which doesn't say much, considering that out of the roughly 5000 I swiped right on during a few months last year on one app, 8 matched with me.

I know numbers like that shouldn't matter. But I can't ignore it. I can't help but feel that maybe it's just not meant for me. Maybe I'm meant to be the guy that tries and fails while i watch my friends and coworkers find love. Maybe I should just give up. Accept defeat and go numb.

I feel so lost and I don't know what to do.

Back in high school, I was top of my class but I couldn’t communicate. Ask me to respond to something, and I can’t even say two sentences. Yet I had straight As. Continued through Harvard. But communication - zero. I had a terrible speech disorder, but my teacher never helped me with that because I never got a grade below a A.

My parents ignored this issue. They wanted straight As and a Harvard acceptance letter. Later they realized their mistake. So I was spending long hours studying instead of socializing.

It was until my first job when someone said - you don’t talk right - that I realized I needed to do something about this and then my first boss (who was actually a kind person) asked me to take communication courses. Also after college, the problem became more clear as I was constantly insulted and bullied because of my speech issues.

I felt ashamed and sad.

I was young so I thought as long as I was smart and got good grades the other stuff would come naturally. But not being able to communicate meant that I kept getting in trouble after graduating from college. I aced college but it didn’t teach me to communicate properly.

I went to Stanford to take classes every night (2 hour trip from home every night). I watched tv shows and repeated stuff people said. I watched YouTube videos on communication. I listened to famous speeches from Barack Obama etc to learn to say one paragraph. I read about people with the same problem that I have. It gave me confidence when I learned brilliant people also struggle. Brilliant people had the same issue. Biden, King’s Speech, all had speech issues that they were able to overcome.

Coaches didn’t help. What helped was listening more when people talked.

What happened was a friend - William (suitemate at Harvard who majored in Physics) - who talked to me every two weeks. It was so awkward in the beginning, but eventually, the words started making sense and our conversations became more fluid. He was a God sent because he was so patient and never judged me even though it was awkward in the beginning.

What happened was realizing that people love to talk about themselves so let them. They’ll love you for it.

Eventually when someone asked me a question, I could answer in full sentences.

But it took years to be able to advocate for myself - my default answer was always sure. Because I didn’t know how to respond. Man was that a trip.

Google helped a lot - learning how other people handled specific situations made me a better speaker. Reddit was also useful.

For some time, I felt bad. A top college graduate with a communication problem. A severe speech disorder.

I tried toastmasters too.

When I had to talk to people and it was important, I spent time in front of the mirror memorizing my speech. Yea it was that bad.

When I was working for a top company, my work was excellent but communication always came up on my performance reviews.

Anyway long story short, all the communication classes helped. All the listening instead of talking helped.

I even started a company to help people with my issue.

The hardest part was how to talk to people without offending them and that takes a special skill because I tend to be straight forward and my mind thinks a different way. What other people see, I see differently.

The not offending them - I looked into a special therapy for speech that someone suggested on YouTube (won’t say the name) and that helped a ton.

I had a boss who even when he was giving you the worst feedback, you felt better afterward, but you still understood his feedback and did something about it.

Oh the advocating for yourself - for some reason I got into Chinese dramas and saw women in though situations who were able to get out of it by advocating for themselves. then something happened - I started advocating for myself and the pushover was gone. No more sure. But yea learned to pick my battles.

I’ve stopped burning bridges and been making friends instead. But some days are harder than others. I’ve had to give presentations at work that was so bad. But overall, I’ve gotten much better. The key is to understand what you could do differently and do better next time.

But yea I went from burning every bridge to running nonprofits that help women and companies that help with self care and communication, and making great friends. I attend events now and people come to me to talk to me.

Oh I have this crush on this amazing guy - Miguel - I’m able to talk to him without making a total fool of myself. So that’s fun. We had a great talk about how I had brunch with 11 people and that went well and how he likes to organize parties. He mentioned something about learning how to cook on tiktok so he is a cooker (I can't cook so that's a huge plus). So we seem to have stuff in common. Though when we talk I spend a lot of time laughing and he looks at me and smiles.

Men are really funny.

Any pointers, ladies?

EDITED - so it wasn’t Harvard’s fault that couldn’t speak properly. There’s a lot of clubs and socializing at Harvard that could have helped. No communication classes requirement but you learn to communicate by practicing outside of courses. I just focused on not failing Harvard instead of socializing. So it was my mistake. Anyway it’s hard to fail Harvard. So my worry was stupid.

Also the manager who said I needed communication courses - he ended giving me stock and great performance reviews and promotions.

​

For months, the second I got off work, I’d collapse onto my couch and scroll short videos for an hour straight. I wasn't even enjoying it. My brain was just cooked, and I used my phone as a cheap way to numb out before starting my evening. The worst part was that it left me more exhausted than when I logged off.

​Two weeks ago, I started testing a stupidly simple rule. The moment I finish work, I force myself to do literally anything else away from screens for just ten minutes.

​Usually, that looks like walking around the block, taking a quick shower, or drinking a glass of water on my balcony. The goal isn't to be productive or build a complex routine. It's just giving my brain ten minutes of actual silence to process the workday.

​Once those ten minutes are up, I can scroll my phone if I still want to. But almost every time, that short break clears enough brain fog that I completely lose the urge to stare at my screen for an hour.

Hi. I've been implementing my NYR lists for 10 years. In 2025, the goals I set for myself were as follows. I present them to you below with a checklist alongside each one.

1. Don't overwhelm people with information; nobody asks you unless they are curious to know the truth or to approach it. Only explain if your opinion is specifically asked for.
2. ===Lol, %96 FAILURE: I could only keep it up for 2 weeks===
3. Remove seed oils (sunflower, palm etc) from your life; do not consume anything containing them. ===%100 SUCCESS===
4. Learn 500 new German words. ===%160 SUCCESS: I learned 800===
5. Read 10,000 pages of books. ===%200 SUCCESS: 18,000 pages read===
6. In order to dull your ego and not be a slave to it, drink only 2 coffees a month. ===%100 SUCCESS: I didn't drink even a single one the entire year===
7. To the cruel; to the state that doesn't even apply its own laws; to the vile and fascist state, give as little tax as possible; do not shop for anything other than food and books (no VAT on books anyway + I'm not from USA) ===%100 SUCCESS===
8. Don't drink carbonated beverages, even sugar-free ones. ===%100 SUCCESS: Not just that, I didn't drink any store-bought beverage at all===

Please throw out as many ideas as you can. Because among your suggestions there will inevitably be items I cannot do or am not suited to doing. Original and creative ideas are most welcome

Same as title.

It is ruining my life i feel that i am being a literal @sshole to every one i know 😔 my mood is in the literal ground and i have Insomnia and disturbance sleep cycle.

the weight is regret is finally fully occurring to me..

Hi!!

How often do you guys go for a walk ? And when you do, is it because something's bothering you, or because you just like it ?

Also, have you noticed a difference when you go for a walk while listening to something and when you're not ? Did it help with your concentration/creativity ? How did it help you ?

I read many good things about walks, so I wanted to hear from different experiences!!

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE SITUATION BEFORE GIVING ME YOUR ADVICE. I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS.

I'm a 20-year-old guy pursuing my FY B.Sc. Computer Science degree. I took admission just three or four months ago, and during this time, I made a few friends in college.

One of them is my female best friend, whom I'll call Praachi (not her real name). I also made two other female friends, so eventually, we became a group of four. Everything was going fine until I introduced my male best friend, Aatif, to our group.

Aatif was new to our group, and I genuinely thought that the five of us would stay together until our third year of college. I wanted us to be a close-knit group that would make beautiful memories together.

However, Aatif is a playboy. He is naturally charming and knows how to attract girls. Before all this happened, he had been in a relationship that lasted seven years. After that relationship, he also got into another relationship. What happened to that second relationship is something I don't know.

Unfortunately, Praachi started falling for Aatif. At first, she tried to hide her feelings, but eventually, she told me that she liked him.

I told her, "Okay, let's tell him how you feel."

But she refused because she was afraid of rejection. She thought that if Aatif rejected her, it would become extremely awkward to face him every day in the same college and classroom. I understood her concerns and agreed not to push her.

At that time, Aatif and I were also extremely close friends. Our friendship was at its peak, and I always supported him.

Meanwhile, Praachi and Aatif started talking to each other for one or two hours almost every day. Eventually, they both confessed their feelings for each other. However, things didn't go as expected. For some reason, both of them felt uncomfortable taking their relationship any further, and they mutually decided that it would be better to remain friends.

But things changed after that.

Aatif gradually started ignoring Praachi and joined another friend group. He began spending more time with those people, leaving Praachi feeling hurt, confused, and emotionally neglected.

She was still attached to him and kept seeking his attention, wondering why he was suddenly treating her differently.

And that's when Praachi and I started getting closer.

Initially, I had absolutely no romantic feelings for her. I was simply her friend, someone who listened to her when she was hurting. She started sharing her feelings with me, explaining how Aatif's behaviour affected her and how confused she felt about everything.

We gradually began talking for one or two hours every day. Our conversations became longer, and our bond grew stronger.

She often told me things like:

"You're such a good person."

"You're the best person in my life."

And one day, she said something that stayed in my mind:

"I can't leave you for Aatif. If Aatif ever comes back into my life, I'll leave him, not you."

At that time, I still didn't have romantic feelings for her. But honestly, what would any guy feel if a girl he was becoming close to said something like that to him?

Of course, he would feel special.

He would feel that he mattered to her, that their friendship meant something, and that he had a unique place in her life.

And that's exactly what happened to me.

Without even realizing it, I started becoming emotionally attached to her. Her words made me believe that our bond was different from her bond with Aatif.

Whenever Aatif came over to talk to Praachi, she would usually call out to me first and continue talking to me. It made me feel included and reassured me that I mattered to her.

But things have changed now.

Whenever Aatif comes to talk to her, she becomes completely absorbed in him. She barely looks at me, and it feels as though I don't even exist when they're together.

And honestly, it hurts.

There's another important part of this situation that makes me even more concerned about Praachi.

Because Aatif was my best friend, I knew things about his past relationships. Knowing that he had previously been in a seven-year relationship and had subsequently entered another relationship made me concerned about his intentions.

I was worried that Praachi might get hurt if she became too emotionally involved with him without knowing the whole picture.

So, I confronted Aatif about it. I told him not to play with Praachi's feelings and asked him what he would do if she found out about his past relationships. I specifically asked him what she would think of him if she learned about everything.

His response genuinely disturbed me.

He basically said, "Yeah, I'll handle it. I'll deal with that when the time comes. For now, I just want to make her my girlfriend."

Hearing this from my own best friend made me question his intentions. It sounded as though he was more focused on getting Praachi into a relationship with him than on being honest with her about his past.

And there's something else I found out: Aatif had also entered another relationship after his seven-year relationship, and he had kept that relationship hidden from Praachi. I don't know what happened to that relationship or how it ended.

I don't want to make assumptions about everything Aatif has done in his personal life. However, his words and the fact that he kept another relationship hidden from Praachi made me genuinely concerned that she might get hurt.

I was worried about her, and I didn't want to see someone I cared about getting emotionally attached to a person whose intentions I wasn't sure about.

But despite my concerns, I couldn't make decisions for her. I couldn't force her to stay away from Aatif, nor could I control whom she chose to talk to.

All I could do was express my concerns and hope she would make her own decisions with a clear understanding of the situation.

Meanwhile, my own feelings were becoming increasingly complicated.

I know I have no right to control her friendships. Who am I to tell her whom she can talk to and whom she cannot? She is free to talk to anyone she wants, and I don't want to become the kind of person who gives orders to his female friend out of jealousy.

So, one day, I honestly told her that I felt jealous when she talked to Aatif and that I felt left out whenever they were together.

Her response was, "Who stopped you? You can just come between us and talk like a friend."

But that's not the point.

I don't want to force myself into their conversations. I don't want to compete with Aatif for her attention. I simply feel hurt when someone who once made me feel so important suddenly makes me feel invisible.

And the thing that hurts me the most is that she once promised she wouldn't leave me for him.

So, what am I supposed to call this situation now?

The most frustrating part is that whenever Praachi feels sad or gets hurt because of something Aatif does, she comes to me. I listen to her, comfort her, help her understand the situation, and try my best to make her feel better.

I spend my time and emotional energy helping her get through her pain.

But the next day, if Aatif comes back and starts talking to her again, she immediately melts and goes back to him.

It's as if everything I told her the previous night suddenly becomes meaningless.

Even when I try to explain things to her and help her understand why this situation keeps hurting her, she still goes back to the same person who makes her feel that way.

And I'm left wondering:

Why am I becoming invisible in a friendship where I once felt so important?

Why does she come to me when she's hurting but forget about me when the person she likes gives her attention again?

Why am I getting so jealous whenever I see them together, even though I know that I have no right to control her?

The truth is, I haven't received any clear reassurance from her that I genuinely hold a special place in her life. I don't know whether our bond means as much to her as it does to me now.

I don't know whether she will still value me when Aatif starts giving her the attention she wants.

And this uncertainty is exhausting me.

I don't want to ruin my friendship with Praachi. She is important to me, and I don't want to lose the bond we've built over the past few months.

But at the same time, I don't want to become emotionally dependent on her. I don't want to keep feeling jealous, insecure, or hurt every time she talks to Aatif.

I never intended to become attached to her. I was just trying to be a good friend, someone she could trust when things weren't going well.

But somewhere along the way, I started expecting something in return, even if it was just the reassurance that I mattered to her as much as she mattered to me.

Now, I'm stuck between two things.

I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to lose my peace of mind trying to keep her close either.

I want to preserve our friendship without becoming possessive. I want to care about her without depending on her attention for my happiness.

And most importantly, I want to stop feeling like I'm competing with someone else for a place in the life of a person who once made me believe I already had one.

So, what should I do? How can I protect my peace, avoid getting more emotionally attached, and still maintain my friendship with her without ruining everything?