Hi,

Like many INFJs, ever since I was a child, I have always come across as a sort of "wise old soul", someone people turn to when things aren't going well, seeking advice or a listening ear. People have always said that they appreciate the way I listen to them, the valuable, and often spot-on, advice I offer, and the wisdom in my words...

The irony in all this is that they don’t realize it, but I am incapable of applying this advice to myself... In the moment, I’m glad to be able to listen to and help others, but afterwards I feel guilty and as though I have no right to say what I’ve said.

Here are a few examples of advice or guidance that people often ask me for, even though I have no experience, and I myself would be incapable of doing what I suggest:

- Matters of love: this is a recurring theme... whether it’s something light (communicating and confessing one’s feelings) or something deeper (intimate issues). Ironically, my own sex life is non-existent, and I have never been in a relationship.

- People who are constantly stressed, prone to drama, or easily swept away by their emotions: it’s the same story. While I may appear stoic on the outside, I am incredibly high-strung, obsessive, and prone to constant rumination on the inside! And yet, I manage to calm others down and help them detach from all that...

- People who come to me because they’re too trapped in their own bubbles, unable to open up to the world, struggling with procrastination, etc., it’s the same thing again. I’m exactly the same way, and it drives me crazy. I’m able to help them, but I can’t seem to apply any of my own advice to myself...

All of this is very frustrating... Why is that? How have you come to terms with this reality, and do you ever feel like a fraud in those moments?

Like, having stress in your life or just a bad / depressed time. Do you guys isolate yourself and move away from relationships or do you use your friends for support?

Background:
A friend of mine is in a depressed state again. Life is doing life-things and he is trying to get through it by himself and pushing me away (a close friend). I wonder if it is an INFJ, a typical male or just a "bad childhood" behavior he is indulging in.

Also I would appreciate some recommendations of what you guys would like to have in a friend in such times. I see his pain, I see why he tries to push me away and I know that he would like to have someone who can see that and act "the right way".

edit
Thank you guys for those replies. It helps a lot to understand him. <3

Ever just get to that moment with literally... everyone?

Hi all! So for the longest I thought I was an ENFJ, but after taking a much longer test and looking into the differences of Ni vs Ne, etc, I've been secretly an INFJ this whole time! Who knew? But it honestly makes a lot of sense...

So I was thinking about what's been going on with me recently and I wondered if anyone else reaches a point like me where I just get so frustrated with people running to me for advice, then not taking it, then expecting me to solve their wild fires that they created for themselves, that I just get to a point where I just run away and hide in my room and stop offering advice and switch to, "that sucks, sorry to hear" mode and carry on. I've always felt like I'm everyone's therapist but no one is there for me in the same manner that I'm there for them and it has left me feeling more and more like people don't deserve the wisdom I offer. How many times do I have to say "I told you so" and then they get upset that I was right and I just stand there and shrug. But then next time... do the SAME thing and don't accept my advice and then I watch the train crash all over again and the cycle repeats.

Do you all get to the same point too? Like, it just makes me want to kick everyone out of my metaphorical house and tell them to deal with themselves. But part of me feels like if I do, I'm just going to watch the apocalypse start around me. And I hate how arrogant that sounds on top of it all..