Ever just get to that moment with literally... everyone?

Hi all! So for the longest I thought I was an ENFJ, but after taking a much longer test and looking into the differences of Ni vs Ne, etc, I've been secretly an INFJ this whole time! Who knew? But it honestly makes a lot of sense...

So I was thinking about what's been going on with me recently and I wondered if anyone else reaches a point like me where I just get so frustrated with people running to me for advice, then not taking it, then expecting me to solve their wild fires that they created for themselves, that I just get to a point where I just run away and hide in my room and stop offering advice and switch to, "that sucks, sorry to hear" mode and carry on. I've always felt like I'm everyone's therapist but no one is there for me in the same manner that I'm there for them and it has left me feeling more and more like people don't deserve the wisdom I offer. How many times do I have to say "I told you so" and then they get upset that I was right and I just stand there and shrug. But then next time... do the SAME thing and don't accept my advice and then I watch the train crash all over again and the cycle repeats.

Do you all get to the same point too? Like, it just makes me want to kick everyone out of my metaphorical house and tell them to deal with themselves. But part of me feels like if I do, I'm just going to watch the apocalypse start around me. And I hate how arrogant that sounds on top of it all..

Like, having stress in your life or just a bad / depressed time. Do you guys isolate yourself and move away from relationships or do you use your friends for support?

Background:
A friend of mine is in a depressed state again. Life is doing life-things and he is trying to get through it by himself and pushing me away (a close friend). I wonder if it is an INFJ, a typical male or just a "bad childhood" behavior he is indulging in.

Also I would appreciate some recommendations of what you guys would like to have in a friend in such times. I see his pain, I see why he tries to push me away and I know that he would like to have someone who can see that and act "the right way".

edit
Thank you guys for those replies. It helps a lot to understand him. <3

Hi,

Like many INFJs, ever since I was a child, I have always come across as a sort of "wise old soul", someone people turn to when things aren't going well, seeking advice or a listening ear. People have always said that they appreciate the way I listen to them, the valuable, and often spot-on, advice I offer, and the wisdom in my words...

The irony in all this is that they don’t realize it, but I am incapable of applying this advice to myself... In the moment, I’m glad to be able to listen to and help others, but afterwards I feel guilty and as though I have no right to say what I’ve said.

Here are a few examples of advice or guidance that people often ask me for, even though I have no experience, and I myself would be incapable of doing what I suggest:

- Matters of love: this is a recurring theme... whether it’s something light (communicating and confessing one’s feelings) or something deeper (intimate issues). Ironically, my own sex life is non-existent, and I have never been in a relationship.

- People who are constantly stressed, prone to drama, or easily swept away by their emotions: it’s the same story. While I may appear stoic on the outside, I am incredibly high-strung, obsessive, and prone to constant rumination on the inside! And yet, I manage to calm others down and help them detach from all that...

- People who come to me because they’re too trapped in their own bubbles, unable to open up to the world, struggling with procrastination, etc., it’s the same thing again. I’m exactly the same way, and it drives me crazy. I’m able to help them, but I can’t seem to apply any of my own advice to myself...

All of this is very frustrating... Why is that? How have you come to terms with this reality, and do you ever feel like a fraud in those moments?

I'm a ti heavy INFJ and my enneagram test is 1w2 126 sp/sx

I don't know how to deal with this information or how to dissect this?

What does it says about me?

What yours if you done it too?

Let me explain...

I’m a man in my thirties, and I’ve always been physically very short and thin. To strangers, I often come across as the introverted, shy, puny, fragile, and innocent type. However, people who take the time to get to know me (or even just strike up a conversation) often tell me they were taken aback.

And whenever I ask "why", they almost all give the same answer: "I don't know, from a distance, you seem to be in your own bubble, fragile and innocent, disconnected from the world. But now that I'm talking to you... it's your gaze and the words and phrases you use, it’s intense and really makes a person think. It creates a striking, almost unsettling contrast."

So, I was wondering: as an INFJ, have you also been told about this observation, the disconnect between the vibe you project physically and what you’re actually like when someone talks to you?

In teams, in family, in friend groups, or any group dynamics, isn't it tiring being an invisible glue? When under the surface, you're keeping everyone's shit together. Fixing the hairline cracks, maneuvering situations to maintain peace and order. But no one sees every effort you make.

They see it as you just spacing out when you're trying to find the best possible solution to a situation without compromising anyone's feelings or way of thinking. They see it as you doing 'nothing.'

I've come across posts saying, 'INFJs don't bring anything to the table.' Well, maybe we do, but we're just working behind the scenes so you never notice.

Isn't it tiring understanding everyone, all their faults and imperfections? Yet when you make a simple mistake, or do something unpredictably different from how they see you, you become an anomaly in their eyes. Isn't it tiring portraying different perfect personas for every person in your life?

Can we just be, without sacrificing the peace and order we crave in life? Isn't it tiring? I often tell myself, understand them because they won't understand you. But sometimes I crave someone who actually SEES me without feeling disgust or discomfort because of who I really am.

I'm tired. I want to leave everything and just live somewhere secluded for minimal human interaction.

Posting here because I have no one to talk to who would understand. 🫠

A bright lantern

Floating at night,

The sky cold.

It is felt all around,

Can be seen in everyone.

Some don't believe anymore.

In the big scheme,

Nothing matters.

The lantern will still float,

Just like the sun still gives hope.

To those who don't turn a blind eye.

No matter how bright,

Until it dies out.

R.I.P RJ mitte.

So I read an article some time ago , which stated that infjs do possess a greater understanding and the best balance found between femininity and masculinity. Unfortunately I lost that article I wanna know from u guys do u feel that too , cuz I do I as a male sometimes feel just too much feminine energy in me, also if possible provide some ways to regulate it.

Someone who has an initial bad impression and has to be taught how to be a good partner to you, OR someone who does everything correctly from the start but does not want to change who they are for you.

Why did you choose what you chose?

(No new traits can be added or changed from these descriptions)

So every single job I ever had starts the same way: I’m excited to do the actual work.

A few weeks in, I’m pulled into side conversations like...
“Can you talk to her? She took it the wrong way.”
“Can you word this so it doesn’t blow up?”
“What do you think he really meant?”

And suddenly I’m spending half my day managing other people’s feelings instead of doing my actual job. I’m good at reading people, but I’m getting tired of everyone treating that like an unlimited free service.

Last week I spent like 45 minutes on a call sorting out a coworker’s conflict. I was supposed to be doing my own work.

I’ve started pushing back a little. Asking people if they’ve talked to each other directly instead of immediately jumping in to fix it. Some people get visibly annoyed which tells me they were pretty comfortable with how things were before.

I even started looking at whether my next job would suit me better using the coached career assessment because I don't want to keep ending up in the same kind of role without realizing it until I'm already miserable.

I just want to do my job without becoming everyone's unpaid therapist. Does anyone else keep getting put in this position?

Can someone help me understand the difference between INFJ withdrawing versus it just being avoidance to address certain issues?
I'm ENFP and even I have moments where I need to be alone to focus on me, and course correct... because it's like I "overflowed" TOO much. Then overwhelmed everyone AND me in the process. but the INFJs I've met (occasionally) seem to even be afraid of feeling their own emotions? OR they're so deep that they feel swallowed by them?? Not saying that's everyone.. but can someone help me understand. Thank you!!

Cause I was try to explain how I get sensory information through Ni and I just couldn't. Let me list some examples to better illustrate my intent:

- Se: I think of Psych's character Shawn highlighting concrete, specific details in his vision. Or Sherlock's interpretation in Elementary - how he licks, smells, touches, and uses his hearing to inform himself.

- Si: not a perfect example but the memory palace technique and how it was shown in Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch. Or how that creepy blackmail guy would read data on his "glasses".

- Ne: Doctor Who - just the way the Doctor interacts, asks questions, explores, etc. and see the universe.

- Ni: ????

I'm aware that each personality has its own good points and it's on a case by case basis.. but what are some personalities that can match with Infj guys.

I found myself always being the more nurturing one when I'm with someone

Even it didn’t feel like you were actively doing it at the time? Even if you said nothing to indicate that? Like there’s a discomfort towards what’s beneath the surface being seen, known, and understood.

Edit: I don’t think I shared anything to indicate I was analyzing them

I love comedy, especially improv and cracking jokes back and forth with others. However for some reason i rarely find anyone else's jokes funny. Maybe other people can just fake laugh well. But i feel like a douche when someone is telling me a joke and I just stone face the whole thing. It either has to be way out there and incredibly obscure enough, or a completely serious situation where you shouldn't laugh. That i will then actually laugh.

The same for personal stories people tell me. Everyone is always talking to me about their lives. The good, bad and the ugly. Most of them feel like the "damn that's crazy" kind of stories. I want to be able to give a genuine reaction because sometimes i truly am interested. But i never really do and i don't know why.

I just ended my relationship that lasted almost a decade. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made and although I know it had to happen, I feel absolutely hollow.

What helped you get through such tough times? I know time heals, but I was just interested in reading about your experiences.

For context, I graduated with the degree A and got post-grad depression because it seemed like a dead-end field. No high paying job unless you go to further studies. I was burnt out at the end of my studies that I really wanted to see what's out there outside of my field. Dont get me wrong – I love my degree, it's just I got tired of the intense academic responsibilities and the nitty gritty details that made no sense to me in the grand scheme of things.

My other interest was in field B, a more creative field. After graduating from A, I tried to pivot to B even if I don't have experience. I'm now in a relatively good spot (although it could be better) in my career with B, but I often fantasize where I could be now if I pursued A for my career. Because honestly, career B feels boring to me now.

And I realized I really want learning about A – so I'm thinking it might be good to be back in academia, take grad studies for A and eventually teach! But it entails years-long sacrifice since A really isn't that high paying and jobs directly related to it are scarce, not to mention, physically exhausting.

Every day, my mind feels like I'm wastibg my time (and my youth) by not going after the career I studied years to get into. I feel like an imposter in career B, and yet too distant now to go back to career A.

With my indecision tendencies, I'm also afraid of wishing for B when I eventually go back to grad school and start a new career with A (since I'm pretty sure no one would hire me as A when I got no real experience for it). My feed is also full of influencers working in A, and they look so cool that I wish I was doing what they're doing as well.

How do I stop this? Am I genuinely in a loop or is this a sign that I really need to go back to career A?

I like going down rabbit holes. I like learning. I like figuring things out. But I seldom follow thru. It’s like, after fulfilling the mental satisfaction of understanding something thru and thru, I don’t really need to be satisfied to see something actually come to fruition.

This year, I was looking into biohacking (for being mid age lol), and one thing was cold plunges. I read up on all the equipment necessary, what’s the optimal temperature, length of time to see effects on the cellular level, tried a couple of times myself. And that was it. I think I deemed other kinds of activity better for my body, and so I stopped scheduling time to do it anymore. Meanwhile today at the gym where there are cold plunges, I saw someone doing it, and after a while I went up to them to strike up a conversation about cold plunges, I was able to give some pointers about length of time to try, methods, and even show them stuff on the equipment to operate that they didn’t even know existed. Then they thought I was some expert, and I was like, nah, I don’t do it myself lol.

Anybody had any experiences like this, where you sound like the expert but you actually don’t practice.

I tend to concentrate but forget a lot when it comes to small details and it causes me lots of trouble because it can be very minor and unseen for me

Weak se? Or demon si

Just an INFJ penning down my thoughts here.

I grew up being the one who was always the last to be picked when forming project groups in school; the one who was always left out in conversations because I listen more than I spoke; the one who was nicknamed as the teacher's pet because they trusted me to do my work / tasks. It wasn't the most pleasant of feelings, but I could live with it.

I know the feeling of being left out, so I always make an effort to talk more to and engage with those being left out in groups.

When I started working in corporate, there was this guy John who was always left out by the other colleagues because he was just a little slower than others in terms of learning / following conversations / social cues etc. While I do experience the same sentiments, I still tried to talk to him and go out for lunch with him. Even when others intetionally ostracised him during company events, I would still try to pull him in to the group that I'm in against the general consensus of the existing group members because I didn't want John to feel like he didn't belong. Not to blow my own horn, but I am quite capable and friendly at work so others had less of an issue with John joining as long as I was there.

But slowly, I realised that the more I hang out with John, the more people associated me with him, and ever so subtlely, I could feel people ostracising me as well from events, which made me feel quite upset as I'm only trying to include everyone.

May or may not be something that other INFJs experience, but it kinda feels like I'm living life on hard mode with my saviour mentality.

Thanks for reading till the end. Hope you have a nice day!

I am an INFJ ennegram 2. I asked my closest friends to type themselves and all of them are XXTP types...ISTP (2x), INTP (2x) ENTP (1x). My brother is also my best friend and he is ISTP as well. The only other Feeler type close friend is an uncle I have that I am probably the most chaotic and emotionally open with and he's an ENFP - which is weird cause he's not a stereotypical ENFP, he's mostly grumpy, I thought he was a XXTP type.

Just wondering what is it about INFJs that get along with XXTP types? Why don't I have any J-type best friends? and why does my friendship with the ENFP feel so different and special?

Idk if this is just a niche experience bc of how self conscious I am or what. But I noticed that at work (I work in a lab), everyone including the boss are very close. They have all known eachother for ~2 years but I can’t help but feel segregated when they all talk together, since my desk is in the second room with my other colleague (who will graduate in the summer and leave) and everyone else’s is in the first. I’d feel bad but then I remember that these people aren’t the kind of friends I want, they’re very shallow and gossip a lot. I want connection and genuinity, but I can’t help but feel left out of conversations.

Another instance, my stepmom’s family friends I’m always coerced to meet are this same way. Close knit group who are all neutral with me but they’re shallow. Shallow meaning they literally cannot sit and talk, or if you do talk to them, your words will spread because they gossip a lot.

Is it stupid to say that all this personality mismatch all around me makes me wanna stay away from ANYONE who I can’t be myself with? Even with people who are nice with me, I find myself avoiding it because I guess all of the emotional exhaustion from feeling segregated by people who I shouldn’t care about?

I feel like it’s this cycle of “I wanna be closer to these people” —> “these people aren’t the friends I want” so then I get stuck between these thoughts.

I do have friends, but I can’t meet them regularly because either I’m busy or they’re far away and busy. (I live 2 hours away from home, I try to visit but then I’m coerced to meet the family friends, I shouldn’t care but I do because they’ll start gossiping and rumouring which is so stupid??)

I don’t want to come off as entitled, I try my best to make connections, it’s good for me, but for some reason this past week I didn’t wanna interact with anyone. So I thought about it and came to this conclusion that it might be that I just wish the people around me weren’t so shallow where I have to pretend to, and the people I could be myself with were more present in my life, or more in numbers.

I’m not looking for specifically advice, but if you have some good 2 cents or if you feel the same way I’d really like to know what you do in these cases.

I think above all else I want a simple life full of purpose and meaning. Sometimes I do fall short by getting distracted by worldly things.

In instances where I desire something I’m incredibly motivated to get it. I’d research and just do my complete due diligence to make the most informed choice.

But then what ends up happening is unless it’s not something that fits into a routine, or if it won’t help me to get to where I want to be in life I just lose all interest. And if it’s something that’s a compromise I always reverting back to how things were before. Good example is my steam deck and a projector, both I got for good prices but I just don’t have a purpose for the steam deck and the projector ruined my room layout and was underwhelming for many reasons.

This has happened multiple times so now I question whether the grind is more meaningful than the outcome?

1: what do you guys think about this for yourselves?
2: Do you guys have any similar experiences of getting things and realising you don’t use them or they’re not taking you to where you want to be?

I will say I don’t think this principle applies for every element of life, I’ve been trying to seek a spouse for the past little bit and I can’t say I find that fun at all!