Dearest bereaved parents. Maybe you lost your baby recently, maybe long ago. Maybe you saw them take their first breath, even grew up a little, maybe they were born still, or you lost them some other way. And the amount of trauma in the way we lost them may be different for everyone, but here we all are missing our babies.

There are some things for me that make the load feel less heavy. Wave of Light is one of those things. Each year, on October 15th, light a candle at 19.00 or 7pm local time. This creates a "wave of light" around the globe.

I'll post a photo tonight when the candle is lit. I hope you'll do the same so we can watch the Wave propagating over the world today.💖

I'll light a candle for our little Amber tonight, but also for Pascal, Sofi, Nova, Isobel, sweet baby E. Micah, Brennan, Hugo, Robert, and all the others I've ever learned about, and all the others I'll never learn about. For all babies lost in the past, lost recently and lost years from now. We honor you.

I am not sure how popular this is worldwide but wanted to mention it because it is one thing that I have been looking forward to. I will be lighting a whole bunch for all our babies. Sending love.

We lost our baby girl after my 20-week anatomy scan in June. Things were well and she was perfect until they noticed my cervix was dilated. I had cervical insufficiency. She was our firstborn after years of trying. I also had severe pp preeclampsia and severe anxiety. It was a really a scary time.

Our nurse was our angel and gave us so much love, care, and therapy. She said let the helpers help and if you feel like telling grandparents, they can be the news spreaders (because obviously, who wants to have that same conversation over and over).

My family and extended family have been surprisingly so supportive and have offered words of encouragement and prayers. My husband’s extended family is a different story. He and his cousins all very close and grew up together. His parents and his aunts/uncles would be at work and all the kids went to their grandparents house after school. It is a very cliquey family dynamic. Also very gossipy, so for sure everyone would’ve heard about this. Not a single one of them reached out. There was just one- that was it. No one acknowledged it. And it’s surprising bc 99% of them are parents. We weren’t expecting anything but husband noticed out of the blue that no one from his side of the family reached out to him. Instead, it was ignored. All the threads he was a part of, people brushed over it.

I feel sad for him because he’s always been very loyal and loving with his family and the one time he needs love and support, no one’s there yet if any of their kids are having birthday parties, they’re constantly texting him to RSVP and we always show up. I know people react to loss different but it’s just odd. This is probably going to change the trajectory of our relationships and dynamics with his family moving forward…

I lost my baby girl just on the 4th of October at 37 w 6d and I can't imagine going through something like this again. I also can't imagine loving other children if I ever have any as much as I love her. Has anyone gone through something similar? Do you have any children now? Do you love them equally as much? Did you manage to have a healthy pregnancy?

I’m so grateful for this group, and sending everyone in & their babies love today. We should be holding our babies right now. 🫶🏻

We lost our baby girl at 19 weeks in August 25 and baby boy at 21+1 in September 26. We weren’t offered a cerclage in our second pregnancy due to my cervix measuring 30mm. We had cervical monitoring & 400mg cyclogest twice daily.

I’ve been proactive in getting a referral to Tommys miscarriage clinic. I’m seeing Prof Quenby on the 29th of January.

I’ve also had a teams call with Dr Nigel Simpson of Leeds general to get his thoughts on what he thinks happened with our losses.
Nigel has said he thinks incompetent cervix however he suggested reviewing the placenta pathology for both our babies when we get them to be sure about any infections.

Has anyone seen Prof Quenby after two second trimester losses? What tests should I expect? I know they take into consideration symptoms pre pregnancy etc but generally what tests would they be doing? I’ve always had concerns over inflammation because of persistent bloating daily so I’d like to look into that more.

I have also spoke with a Dr Melanie Griffin at St Michael’s Hospital in Bristol briefly explained my history and she suggested a cerclage, she can do either a Shirodka or Mc Donald. Both my babies were born at Gloucestershire Royal however the care I received on my second pregnancy wasn’t the best so I have decided to travel to St Michael’s for better monitoring on my cervix.

I was initially more wanting a transabdominal but after speaking with both Dr Simpson and Dr Griffin the Shirodka seems to be just as effective.

I cannot go through another loss. I’m turning 30 this week my partner is 36 and we’ve been trying to start a family for 6 years. We had 3 years of infertility followed by two second trimester losses. I’ve done everything I can possibly do to ensure my body is as healthy as it can be for both pregnancy’s.

Currently 31.5 weeks pregnant after having a stillbirth at 26 weeks last year. It has been the plan with my OB to be induced at 39 weeks since before I even got pregnant. Once I found out I had conceived I had asked if I could be induced at 37 or 38 weeks and she said the earliest they’d do it was 39. As I’m getting closer, I’m finding that I’m more and more anxious about just getting him here safely. We’ve already had one scare a couple weeks ago with decreased fetal movement that I went into L&D for, thankfully he looked perfect. But it just took me back to all the trauma of what happened with my daughter. Anytime I feel the slightest bit of lack of movement or feel like his movements have changed at all, it freaks me out. I feel like I’m constantly so anxious about him being okay.
I’m also in a lot of physical pain this time around (I have pelvic symphysis dysfunction & terrible sciatica🥴). My baby’s on the larger side, measuring 70 percentile all around for pretty much my entire pregnancy. So, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to be induced even 1 week sooner than planned. I saw a more recent post of people saying they were induced after having stillbirths around 37-38 weeks. For anyone who was, did your doctor offer that timeframe from the beginning or was it something you had to fight for? I just want my baby here alive & healthy and the sooner the better.

Hi all - wanted to ask what you would do in my situation.

Clinical history - 36+2week stillbirth due to tight true knot. Textbook pregnancy, birth and postpartum. 5 months later, I unexpected fell pregnant. It didn't feel right from the beginning, with bleeding around the time of the positive test and the pregnancy ended at 8.5w with unexplained MMC. Testing showed normal euploid fetus.

Went through testing for APS, inherited thrombophilias, thyroid, karyotyping for both of us, genetic testing - all normal. The only test that was borderline high was APS. My anti-B2 glycoprotein IgM level was 19.1 RU/ml, and repeat testing 12 weeks later was 18.9 RU/ml.

Consulted 2 MFMs who both advised that I don't meet the criteria for APS and that I am negative for APS despite the borderline IgM. My next pregnancy will be treated with progesterone and aspirin from positive test, but there is no evidence that LWMH will help me.

What would you do if you were? Should you push for LWMH? Thank you for your help!

We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks at the beginning of July this year. It was the single biggest heart break I have ever felt.

In the grief, I have completely lost myself. I used to be a happy, social person and now I am just so sad. Even on good days, the sadness just sits there.

I don’t know how to cope with this new version of myself. I want the old me back. I want to be happy again but it doesn’t matter how much I try, how much therapy I do, I can’t seem to claw my way back to her.

I know realistically I will never meet that version of myself again but I want to be happy. I want to get as close to her as possible.

My partner is the most loving, supportive amazing man and he never puts pressure on me to heal or feel a certain way but I want to get better for him.

Getting better for myself just isn’t working right now because every time I do something nice or something good, I get plagued by intrusive thoughts. You know, the classics, “you would have been almost 7 months pregnant now…” etc.

I know I will carry this sadness for the rest of my life in some capacity but I need to get back some semblance of myself.

What did you do to help you heal?